Black Ice
(a.k.a.  A Dozen Shades of Gray)
by L.A.K.

Detective Vecchio sat at his desk, working on the case of the young prostitute that had been found dead. Fellow detective Huey came over to look over the Italian's shoulder.

"Huey, don't scare me like that!"

"Well, don't be so damned uptight!"

"Whatever, man. What do you want?"

"Hey, we're all in this together, Vecchio. I just wanted to update you on the case before I turn it over to you."

"I can read, thank you, detective. I don't need you baby sitting me."

"Just trying to help." he said, getting up to walk away. "Oh, buy the way, I was talking with one of your contacts. She sends her regards."

"What are you yammering on about now?"

"Ana, Ray. She says it's been a while and that you should stop by."

Ray snorted. "Sorry. Low on funds."

"She said something odd, though. And she wanted me to give you this."

It was a note, enclosed in a decorative envelope. Confused, he gingerly took it.

"What...did she say?"

"Let see, it was, 'Good catch. Hope it lasts.' Do you know what she means?"

"No, I don't, but thanks anyway."

He hardly noticed the other detective leave, as he opened the pretty envelope, only to reveal the ornate matching note inside.

It read, **'I've seen him. He suits you. Hope you're happy together. By the way, I've run across something which might be of use to you. I believe he'd like it. That's what the card is for. It's been a while. I'd love to see you again. - Ana'**

It was followed by a business card containing the address of a jeweler and an item number. Ray gulped heavily a couple of times and crumpled the message into a tight fist. He quickly looked around to see if anyone could see how upset he was. He threw the note away. He thought twice about the card, then shoved it in his desk, hoping to forget about it.

Benton Fraser woke that day with little planned, seeing as it was his day off. He had a few errands to run, but promised Ray he'd come by later to help him with a case he was working on. He fed and watered Dief, as usual, then set about getting ready for the day. It was about noon when he met up with Ray at the precinct, who was standing by the coffee machine, grumbling.

"Elaine, who made this garbage?! I'm afraid it's gonna eat through the bottom of my cup."

Without missing a beat, her back still turned to him, she replied, "You did, Vecchio. This morning."

Ray blinked, then turned back, muttering something. Ben studied his friend for a moment. Ray had been moody lately. At least, more so than usual. He seemed constantly angry and Ben couldn't figure out why. There were no events as of late to warrant such a somber mood in his partner. Nor was he aware of no anniversary dates or encounters at work which might cause such feelings to surface. What worried him most was Ray's refusal to talk about it. He would tell Ben he was just tired or some other excuse. When Ben insisted he knew that wasn't true, Ray would get even more upset. Finally, Ben would just let it drop in fear of causing another argument. Still, in the last few months, Ray's attitude had continued to deteriorate, which was a definite cause for concern. He walked closer to his friend, when Ray turned instantly around to face him. Ray looked him up and down once, then turned back to his coffee.

"Thought it was you." he quipped.

Ben blinked. "How could you tell?"

"Your footsteps. I recognized them."

Ben smiled. "Well, Ray, that's very good! Being able to tell-"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let's get going, Fraser."

"Fine." Ben said, confused, as he followed Ray out.

The 1971 Buick Riviera squealed to a halt outside the nightclub.

"Ray," he began, "if this establishment known to break the law on a regular basis, why isn't more effort put into closing it?"

"Small fish, Benny."

"Excuse me?"

"It's not worth the paperwork. These girls would simply be introduced once again to the 'revolving door' of the justice system. We bust 'em, they make bail and are back at turning tricks faster than you can say 'Bite me'. Besides, the one who runs it is 'officer friendly'. I have a past with her. She doesn't mind exchanging some information in return for having her girls left alone."

"Ah!" Ben said triumphantly. "You mean these are 'ladies of the evening' and she is their madam!"

Ben smiled at his own worldly conclusion. Ray looked at him for a moment, then smiled as well.

*It's been a while since I've seen that.* Ben thought.

"Yeah, Benny. You could say that."

The blaring music stung Ben's ears and he fought the urge to cover them. Ray was making his way through the place quickly, after paying the entrance fee for them both. He stopped to speak to the bartender as a young lady, barely clothed, sauntered up to Ben. She caught him off-guard, making him jump, as she slipped her arm around his waist.

"Ma'am," Ben started, "I'm afraid I'm not here to-"

He was interrupted by a highly irritated Italian seizing her wrist and flinging it away.

"Get your hands off him!" Ray barked.

She held up her hands in surrender and walked away. Ray yelled for Ben to follow and took off into the crowd again. Ben was two steps behind as Ray entered the back room without knocking, stopped short and stuffed his hands into his coat pockets. He looked at the lady sitting in the chair against the wall.

"Ana!" he said, "What chance is there of meeting a girl like you in a place like this? *Come* here often?"

She put down the book she was reading on the desk in front of her.

"As a matter of fact, detective, I do. As often as I can. But, then again, pleasure is the business I'm in, right?" She took a closer look. "God, Vecchio, you look like shit."

"Thanks for the update. Look, Ana, I need your help. A girl was found dead not far from here. We know she worked the area. I wanted to know if you knew anything about it."

"Didn't you get my note? I know exactly who you mean." she stated. "I told you guys she wasn't one of mine. She was a little fool, actually. I tried to recruit her. She wouldn't have it, said she worked for a guy called Randy."

Ben saw that Ray was getting upset.

"She was seventeen, Ana! She deserved more than winding up face down in the gutter!"

"Well, most of us do, dear."

"Don't flatter yourself." Ray retorted.

"She chose her own path, however wrong it was!" Ana snapped.

"She had little choice, you street trash den mother!"

"Ray!" Ben admonished, but Ray ignored him.

Ana didn't flinch. "Oh, what's wrong, detective? Fringe benefits don't include visits to a whorehouse? I'd let you have me on spec, but you'd *have* to reciprocate appropriately. Got your handcuffs with you?"

She smiled seductively at him.

"Really? You got a special going on 'diseases-without -names-yet'?"

Rendered speechless, Ben's eyes nearly popped out of his head.

Ana narrowed her gaze. "I've been respectful up until now, detective. I suggest you leave. I've given you what information I have."

"Oh, no. You're holding back, I can tell. What else do you know, Ana?"

"Ray, please." Ben said indicating maybe it was time for him to try. "Madam...I mean, ma'am, I, er, we, are here to simply find out what happened to the girl. Who did you speak to before us?"

Ana, who had paid the Constable absolutely no attention since he entered the room, now held him with a mischievous grin.

"You know, you remind me of a whipped puppy...absolutely adorable after you've been spanked!"

The Constable went visual, then beet red, as he stammered for a reply.

"Leave him outta' this, Ana. You gonna' tell us or what?"

"Detective Huey, dear. Almost a week ago. Don't you guys communicate?"

"Oh, yeah, sorta' like you. Except we don't destroy peoples lives."

Once again, Ben could not believe the way Ray was acting. There was no reason for this, especially if he had a history with this contact. And by the look she was giving him, it was clear he'd gone too far.

"Look, not that I owe you this, but my girls are clean and safe! I look after them."

"Oh, yeah, I'll remember that if anyone I know needs a job."

"That's right, Vecchio! Didn't you say your sister was looking for a part-time position?!"

Ben didn't wait. He lunged forward, grabbing Ray as the detective leaped over the desk, his hands aiming for Ana's throat. Several guns were produced from the male occupants of the room, all aimed in their direction. Still, Ray struggled.

"You bitch! How fucking dare you!" he screamed.

The last thing he expected was the ringing slap he got from his would-be victim. His cheek burned as she spoke.

"Oh, do grow up, Vecchio. It's not my fault, "

Ana stopped and gave the Constable an obvious searching from top to bottom, then continued to glare at the detective.

"...you shop out of your league. He's a little upscale for *your* class, don't ya' think?"

A hateful smile tinged her words. "But, if you insist, take my advice. The jewelry is a good idea."

"What the fuck do you know?" said Ray.

"Ray, let's just leave." Ben pleaded, still restraining him.

"What do I know? Simple. It's Saturday night, you're a single man in a slut-filled nightclub and you're not in the slightest bit interested in the merchandise - not even for free. However, you *are* interested in being with your very gorgeous friend, the Mountie. Tell you what, Ray, I'll pay *you*, if you'll simply let me... watch."

"Shut the Hell up." he growled.

"Hey, if what I say is wrong, then be like a duck in water. Let what doesn't apply to you slide off your back. However, if it looks like a duck, acts like a duck, quacks like a duck..."

"Why you-"

Ray became enraged, fighting against Ben's grip. Two men drifted from the walls and grabbed them both. Simultaneously, they were deposited in the alley in back of the club. Ben stood and brushed himself off. Ray jumped to his feet and made a motion as if to re-enter the club.

"Ray! What are you doing?!"

"Didn't you hear what that slut said about me, Fraser!?"

"Don't you mean what she said about *us*, Ray? Like she said, just ignore it."

Ray stormed off, mumbling. They got in the car and Ben thought about the events which had just transpired. Ray was on the verge of being out of control. Well, that wasn't exactly true. This *was* the first time he'd seen Ray blow up like that while on a case.

Still, Ben was becoming afraid he'd have to go to Lt. Welsh regarding his friend's behavior. He decided to give Ray one more chance to admit something was amiss.

"Ray?"

"What, Benny?" He was still upset.

"Didn't you tell me earlier you were going to ask detective Huey about this case?"

An empty silence hung in the air. Of course, he had. He simply did not want to ask the for the information from Huey after he'd told him to get lost. He hoped going to Ana would've been easier. He hated the fact Ana knew how he felt about Fraser and loved taunting him with it. Ray eventually sighed deeply and placed his forehead against the steering wheel.

"Looks like I need a break, eh, Benny?"

"Yes, Ray. Are you sure there's nothing I can help you with?"

A sad smile covered his friend's face.

"No, Benny, there isn't. I'll ask Welsh if I could get a few days to myself. That should help."

"All right, Ray."

Ray got the two days he asked for off, much to Ben's relief. Now, he was at the Consulate to take the Canadian home for the day. He stood by his desk, waiting.

"It'll only be a minute more, Ray."

"Not a problem, Benny." he said, standing. "As long as I can disappear for the next forty-eight hours afterward."

Ben looked at him and knitted his brow. He finished the last of his paperwork and headed for the door with Ray following. He said nothing during the short drive home. They parked and Ben just sat there, not moving. Finally, when he knew Ray was about to say something, Ben spoke instead.

"Ray, why is the right side of your coat drooping more than the left?"

Ray was nonplused.

"...*what*?"

"Your coat. The right side is significantly hanging lower than the left. I was just wondering why that would be, although-"

"Benny, don't you have better things to worry about than drooping coats, for crying out loud!?"

He paused, then, "No, not when it concerns a friend."

"Fraser, I'm not gonna' discuss this with you, so you might as well get out."

"There are several possibilities, actually." Ben theorized, ignoring him. "You simply could've put it on in a hurry, but then it'd be uncomfortable all day."

"Benny! Stop it!"

"Or the way the coat was made could result in a reduced form after a while."

"Stop it, I said!"

"I saw the outline, Ray."

That brought Ray to an abrupt halt. He stared at Ben with scared eyes. Then, they turned hard.

"So what, Benny? Why do you need to know? Here," he said, grabbing the pint out of his breast coat pocket and tossing it to him, "you wanna' know what kind it is? Are you gonna' tell me how I should've went for a Canadian brand destroy less brain cells?"

"Why, Ray? You usually don't drink."

"Usually, Benny, usually. Why am I explaining myself to you? Give me that back."

Ben surrendered the scotch. Ray slumped his shoulders.

"Look, I got it to help me sleep. I just thought it would help me relax. It'll be okay, Benny."

He knew better than to lecture his friend that alcoholism could be hereditary or that it simply wasn't good for his health, knowing it wouldn't make any difference. Ben got out of the car and turned to face him.

"You know, Ray, I am your friend. At least, I thought I was. Whatever you're going through, you can tell me. When you're ready, that is. I just wanted you to know."

"I thought that as well, Benny. I'll see ya'."

He didn't understand, but he let him go.

Ben had the next two days to think about the present situation. He wasn't sure what he was going to do. He didn't want to ask around Ray's work place or family in fear of alarming them even more than they already were. Ray had already commented Frannie had nearly belted him a couple of times and his mother had to intervene in an argument with Tony. He decided to try one more avenue before going to Lt. Welsh. When Ben thought about it, there was really only one location he could hopefully get the information he was looking for. After work, he paid his entrance fee and asked the burly bartender could he see Ana. The guy looked at the bright red surge and laughed in his face. Eventually, he said, "Tell her it's the Mountie and I will let her watch." As the man retreated to the back, Ben called out, "...if there was anything to watch."

Hopefully, the man heard him over the screeching music. If not, well...

A moment later, he motioned for Ben to come closer. He stepped passed the menacing figures and tipped his Stetson at the Madam.

"Well, for what do I deserve this honor?" She jumped up suddenly. "Please tell me you're interested in selling! We'd make a fortune - give Bill Gates a run for his money!"

"Uh, ma'am?"

"Your body, dearest! I don't usually work with men, but I'm no fool when I see potential."

Ben blushed. "Uh, no, ma'am, I-"

"Call me Ana."

"Ana, I'm here on a personal matter, uh, regarding something rather delicate. I was wondering, that is, I need your advice on-"

"Don't tell me it's on losing your virginity! My heart couldn't stand the shock."

He sobered. Blue locked with black eyes. "It's concerning Detective Vecchio."

She placed her long, straight black hair back behind her ears. Her pale skin made it even more striking.

"Sit, Constable. Tell me what's on your mind."

Seating himself, he began with, "You see, the other day, when Detective Vecchio and I were here, he acted very unprofessionally and I don't know why. He has been acting this way quite a bit lately. You and he seemed to have a history, as it were, so I thought maybe I'd-"

"...ask me if I knew what was going on with him?" she said.

"Yes."

"Honestly, Ben, I'm not entirely sure, although I have my suspicions."

"Such as?"

She smiled at him. "Ben, have you ever had a best friend before Ray?"

He blinked. Somehow, Ana was very familiar with their past.

"No, but neither has he."

"Ben, there are limits to which best friends will go, then there's something beyond that. Do you understand?"

"I'm unsure as to what you mean."

Her tone was warm, but boarded on condescending. "Not many *'friends'* will go to the lengths that Ray has, love. It requires a little more than that for such sacrifice."

"Well, we *are* partners. He and I have both helped one another-"

"Have you betrayed him yet?" she interrupted.

"Well, I..."

"How many times has he helped you? How many times has he put his life in danger for you? Or have you lost count?"

A sad cerulean gaze held her as he reluctantly reminisced.

"I see you have. And if I'm right, everything you do, you do in the extreme. Let's see, I bet the betrayal involved a woman, money and the law. All of which Ray would've paid dearly for. And, you haven't even openly apologized. I don't mean the '*dying swan*' routine, either. I mean, you haven't even bothered to say the words. Am I right?"

*dying swan*? he cringed.

And he thought the 'puppy' remark was bad. She summed up his entire hospital stay, when he groveled in depression and guilt for three weeks, in two harsh words.

"How...did you know?" he stammered.

"I didn't, dear. It was an educated guess. Lust, remember, keeps me in business. Lust for money, sex, power. And everyone is susceptible. You, me...Detective Vecchio."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, Ben, I think you need to check your own influence on him before you go accusing the world of bruising his ego. Those heavenly blue eyes and that deadly body of yours could make just about anyone jump off a bridge, if they thought it'd make you happy."

Shock settled over him. "You were *serious* the other night?!"

"Yes, I was and you see how angry he got."

"Yeah, but that was just...I mean, he..."

He trailed off, finding himself wanting to use the same lame excuses Ray had given him about his recent attitude. He thought about what she said. Ana wasn't a bad person, that he could tell, even if her profession left something to be, er, desired. She had no reason to lie about this. Still, he asked.

"Why are you telling me this, Ana?"

Her face grew thoughtful.

"I...care for the detective, Constable. He's a good man. He doesn't deserve to be so miserable."

"I can see that you do. Have you told him?"

"No." She smiled ruefully. "I remind him too much of what he could be."

"Thank you kindly, Ana."

He turned to leave.

"Ben."

He faced her.

"One more thing. Have you ever thought of being with another man, Constable?"

He was stunned, but somehow found the words to reply. "No, can't say that I have."

"Well, before you decide against...*helping* him, truly think about it. I mean, you'd have to change your ways a bit, but-"

"A *bit* ?!" he responded, even more startled, fully aware of what she was suggesting.

She smiled. "He deserves the chance, doesn't he?"

He thought for a moment before answering.

"My father said everyone deserves a chance, but somehow I don't think this is what he meant."

He smiled and left, winding his way through the crowd.

"Benny, why is it so cold in here?!"

"It doesn't feel cold to me, Ray."

"That's because you're used to living in an icebox, damn it!"

Ray sat drinking his coffee in Ben's apartment. He seemed distant and his fussing every few minutes was starting to make Ben uncomfortable. His two days off had done little to ease his ever-increasing temper. Ben shifted. It made him uneasy, but he had to know if what Lady Ana said was true. He also knew Ray would deflect any benign attempts at him figuring this out.

"Ray, why did Lady Ana upset you so much? Is what she said true?" he bluntly asked.

The detective looked like he'd been slapped.

"*WHAT*?! Benny, how can you asked me that?"

"It's just a question, Ray. If it's not true, then-"

Ray abruptly stood and went into the kitchen, talking loudly all the way.

"I've got an idea, Fraser! Why don't we just start listening to all the perps on the street?!

Let's not consider anything else! Lord knows they know everything, right!?"

"Ray!" Ben snapped.

His partner's eyes met his. Ray was stricken, terrified. Ben noticed, as well, that Ray had not once denied the question. Ben let his head fall, contemplating his cup.

"It's true, isn't it? You do...feel that way...about me."

Ray turned away from Fraser. He still didn't speak. Ben had no idea what he was going to do. Fear settled in the pit of his stomach. He knew it was apparent this made him nervous, but he couldn't help it. He rarely thought about women that way, let alone men. And *certainly* not Ray. He sighed heavily. This was not going to be easy, but it was, of course, the only thing he could do. He had to be truthful with his partner. He stood and went to the doorway of the kitchen.

"Ray..." he started and swallowed hard, "I'm sorry, but I don't feel that way for-"

"For men, Benny? You think I did before this? Before you? Well, I didn't."

"Then, why?" Immediately, he didn't want to know that answer. "You could've told me."

Ray laughed without humor.

"Oh yeah, Benny, you're taking this real well. You're paler than usual and you're shaking."

Ben stopped short, but he was right. When Ray spoke again, he sounded defeated.

"Look, Benny, you don't have to worry. I don't expect anything from you, okay? We...can just carry on like nothing's wrong."

Ben knew from recent events that would not be possible. He shook his head.

"No, you're too much on edge, Ray. You're going get hurt at work. Shot or worse."

"SO! What do you suggest we do, Benny?!" Ray yelled. "I don't think I should make any suggestions, 'coz I don't wanna' see you get sick all over the floor!"

Silence.

"So...you have thought about it." Ben said, quietly.

Ray turned away.

"Yeah. You could say that."

More silence.

"I'm...going home, Benny. See ya'...whenever."

Ray brushed passed him, heading for the door.

"Ray."

"What!?"

"I just...can't. I mean, I don't..." He faced him. "I thought you'd want me to be honest."

He wasn't sure if it was sarcasm or sincerity in Ray's softly spoken words.

"Yeah, sure. I wouldn't have expected anything less from you."

It was a week before Ben saw Ray again. He had stayed away from Ray believing his presence would make Ray uncomfortable. He couldn't deny the fact it would unnerve him as well, knowing how Ray felt. When he caught sight of him at his desk, however, Ben gasped in shock. Elaine looked up to see the frightened look on Ben's face.

"Yeah. You're not the only one concerned about him." she stated loudly. "But he's been such an ass lately, no one dare get near him."

Hateful, hazel eyes surveyed them both.

She came closer to the Constable. "I see he's managed to isolate even you. I wouldn't get too close, though. He's taken to snapping the heads off anyone within five feet."

"Thanks, Elaine! If I want your goddamned opinion, I'll give it to you!"

Her simmering dark gaze returned his.

"Ray!" said Ben.

Anger raged in the Italian's face.

"I'm not talking to you!" he retorted.

Ben didn't respond. Instead, he came closer. He sat beside the desk and looked at his friend. Dark circles hung beneath bloodshot eyes, adding to their puffiness. A slight stubble mirrored gaunt cheeks.

*He's lost weight* Ben thought.

"We need to talk, Ray."

"About what? There's nothing to talk about."

"I believe there is."

"Really? You-"

He stopped short, covering his face with his hand. He dropped it, but did not look at him as he spoke.

"Benny, I know how you feel about this. I'm not trying to punish you, really. It's just..."

"Then what, Ray?"

His expression grew sadder, causing an ache inside Ben.

"Look, I know it's either you feel this way or you don't. I didn't ask for this, Benny. It just happened."

"I know, Ray."

"No, you don't, Benny. No, you don't." With that, he stood. "I believe it would be best, Constable, if you didn't come around here anymore."

His tone was official, coldly professional. Ben looked up into that pain-filled expression.

"I disagree with you, detective." He stood as well. "Can't we *try* to remain friends, Ray? I don't want to lose your friendship over this."

Ray's icy smile caused chills in Ben. It was a moment before he spoke.

"I don't think that's possible, Benny, but I'll try."

It was still close to another week before Ray could face Ben. It had all been so terribly humiliating, to have Lady Ana "out" him, as it were. Ray felt he owed him some type of explanation, although he wasn't sure what he would say. He drove the Constable home that day. He parked the car outside 221W. Racine and switched off the engine.

"Can I come up, Benny?"

"Of course, Ray."

They ascended the steps, him ahead of Ben. Dief was already at the door when they got there. Ray sat down, as Ben started to take off his uniform. He stopped short, belatedly realizing Ray was nearby. He couldn't keep his uniform on all night, but he didn't want to change in front of Ray - for more reasons than one. A bright redness was creeping into his cheeks. Ray looked over at his friend.

"Something wrong, Benny?"

*Why must he be so astute?!* Benny said to himself.

"Uh, well, I just..."

He went over and sat down on the bed across from his friend.

"It's okay, Ray. Why don't you call us in some food?"

Ray shook his head. "It's not okay, Benny. Go change. I promise I won't attack you."

He stood and began to remove his uniform. To make Ben less uncomfortable, Ray began to discuss the reason he came there in the first place.

"You said you wanted to know why, Benny. Well, I don't really know. Just one day, I was forced to think about it. I had the day off, but I had planned to spend it with you. Again, like always. Frannie and Ma had wanted me to do some things for them and I got upset when they kept insisting. Finally, Frannie snapped, 'He's not even family, Raimondo, but you treat him better than us!' I immediately realized what she said was true. It scared me. For Frannie to be *jealous* of *you*..."

He couldn't continue.

"Are you telling me, Ray, that one conversation led to this?"

"Of course not, Benny! I tried to rationalize it for weeks, but..."

"Tell me, Ray."

"You don't wanna' hear this, Benny."

"Yes, I do." Ben came over to sit by him.

"I started dreaming the shit, okay?! That's why I got the scotch. No matter what I did, I'd think about it. After a while, I knew it was more than that. If I couldn't be near you, I'd go nuts..."

Ray looked panicked, on the edge of losing it. Ben backed down. Ray's voice was small, quiet and filled with fear.

"What are we gonna' do, Benny?"

"I don't know. But I'll always be your friend, Ray. I mean that."

"That may not enough, Fraser."

Ben laid in bed that night and thought about Ray.

*This can't be happening...*

He was losing his best friend and he could do nothing to stop it. When Ray left that evening, he looked so sad, so beaten. Yet, Ben knew there was nothing he could do to help. He entertained the idea of telling Ray to make a date with someone... Sadly, it occurred to him neither of them knew anyone suitable. At least anyone he'd like to see Ray end up with.

**Before you decide against helping him, truly think about it.**

Ana's words floated in his mind.

*But I don't feel that way for him!* he protested. The thought made him shudder.

**He deserves the chance, doesn't he?**

"Well, of course he does, but I just can't!" he stated aloud. He shifted in bed, nervousness sweeping over him. He was wide awake, with no hope of getting to sleep, it seemed.

Why couldn't he bring himself to think of this? He had no problem tasting dirt or dressing as a woman, but this, for some reason, actually frightened him. And he didn't know why. *That* was something he did not like. Fear had a basis, a reason and he didn't like being afraid and not knowing the cause.

*The way to eradicate fear is to face it.* he thought.

He sighed. Eyes tightly shut, he reluctantly laid on his back again. He tried to calm himself, to no avail. His pulse racing, he tried to think of it. Him and Ray. Together. After about twenty seconds, he jumped out of bed and began to pace the floor.

"What am I doing, Diefenbaker?! I don't do that, not to say being like that is wrong, it's just I'm not *like that* and I don't understand why I'm having such a problem with it, but I haven't before and I think it's unfair of Ray to ask it of me. Well, he really didn't and, truth be told, I know he can't help it, but I just can't believe I caused feelings like that in him and I don't know what to do or where to start and even if I should, I mean, I can't believe he wants to, with me, which means I'd have to..."

He stopped and looked at his wolf, who soundly asleep, hadn't heard a word of his tirade. He sighed, disgusted. He retreated to the bed. Laying down, he forced himself to be calm. Then, he began a series of elimination's of what he could or could not picture occurring between the two of them. The list was very sparse, stripped of the most benign carnal content. Whatever it was that scared him about this obviously went deep. He considered the obvious: a massage, both giving and receiving and disliking both outcomes. He wasn't ready to accept anything blatantly sexual, such as kissing or obviously seductive scenarios.

*You were right, Ray. I'm not taking this well.*

However, he continued. He knew he had to start at a much more basic level. There was, of course, physical contact which didn't include sexual gratification. Maybe, if he concentrated on that...

After a bit, he decided it wasn't as bad an endeavor as the others. Still, actually envisioning it was difficult. He began turning over the possibilities in his mind...

He remembered one day when he was at a Karate Dojo while on a case with Ray and there were about fifteen students inside practicing Ti-chi. Intrigued, he watched them. He replayed their slow movements in his mind. Despite what the madam had said, he did not believe he could talk Ray into such a thing, but did begin to recreate the scene with Ray performing that very same routine. Clad in a karate gee, Ray slowly executed the moves, his lithe body bending appropriately to the turns, curves and twists. After a while, Ben noticed the image was very fluid and precise. The feline grace he envisioned of his partner surprised him. However elegant, it definitely wasn't sexual. He inhaled deeply, abandoning the task.

*This isn't hopeful*. he concluded, as he settled in for sleep.

The next few days kept him away from the precinct, seeing the workload at the Consulate was growing dramatically. It came in spurts and now just happen to be a bad time. This was not good, mainly because it had coincided with a mistake Turnbull was responsible for. Ben had asked Turnbull to do something which required a little more personal responsibility than usual and both were now paying the price. He had stood, mute, accepting whatever Meg harshly flung in his direction, until she finally snapped he was dismissed. He thanked her, of course, then once again, apologized for his behavior.

"Sometimes, Constable, 'sorry' isn't enough!" she yelled back.

The statement stung, for more reasons than one. At least he was leaving on time for a change. He was deep in thought. What had Lady Ana said about his betrayal of Ray? That was it - that he'd never actually apologized for it. And nearly giving up on life was nothing? Guilt didn't begin to describe how he felt about Victoria's treatment of Ray. Or his own.

*'dying swan', indeed.*

Still, it began to occur to him the depth of that horrendously neglectful oversight. He knew there wasn't much he could do to appease *that* past situation, let alone this present dilemma. An overwhelming sense of obligation, however, did seize him. He owed Ray! He'd given so much of himself, without question, during their entire friendship. It suddenly came to him the disturbing reason Ray might have done so because of his amorous feelings toward him...

Ben then experienced a sensation Ray would only describe as "creepy", so he let it go for the moment. Despite that, he decided he would at least try to do... something for Ray. What, he had no idea. He waited, now, outside the Consulate, for Ray to give him a ride home. The green car showed up on time, of course. Ben could tell as soon as he got in, something was wrong. Ray's expression was one of barely controlled agony.

"Hey, Benny."

"Ray...you don't look so good."

"Yeah. My head hurts."

Fact was, Ray had a hideous headache. This, unfortunately, was no ordinary headache. It was a migraine. The sensitive to light and sound, nausea-inducing, jackhammer-behind- the-eyes kind of pain. He could barely resist holding his head in his hand as he drove. Getting out, Ben started speaking before he had a chance to stop himself.

"Why don't you come up for a while, Ray?"

"Why, Benny?" Ray shot back.

"Because you have, what would you call, a splitting headache, and I'd like to help, if possible. If you don't mind."

Ray surveyed his friend. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. Now would you please come up?"

"Of course."

Once inside, Ben sat about making coffee as Ray stood in the kitchen doorway.

"Ray, you look pale. Go sit down."

"I'm fine, Benny."

"You don't look fine."

"Look, I-"

Ray..."

He gave up the fight. He didn't have the strength to fight with Benny's stubbornness on top of his heading pounding like this. A steaming cup was placed before him as he sat on the couch. After a few sips, Ray tried to relax. It didn't really help. He cupped his head in his hand. Ben looked at his friend who was stirring his coffee, still in the other room. It was obvious Ray didn't want to get close to him for fear of making them both uneasy. For some reason, that warmed Ben inside, that Ray would be so considerate. He looked at his tea, then thought about his earlier promise to...help Ray.

*What now?* he wondered. He swallowed hard.

**You may have to change your ways a bit...**

Ana's words again. Maybe if he just calmed down whenever he thought about it. Suddenly, an idea came to him. He had to be as honest as possible without seeming obvious, but he had to try *something*. He steadied himself.

"Ray," he stammered, "I was wondering...if you would... that is, if you want to...not to say that you would...I mean-"

"Say it, Benny."

"Would you like to lay down? I know of a few ways to help such ailments, if you'd let me."

Ray looked a little more than shocked.

"I thought it..."Ben sighed. Closing his eyes, he plowed ahead. "It just might help, that's all."

He couldn't look at Ray now. Surely, he'd blown his cover, as it were.

"Benny..." Ray quietly began, "are you serious?"

"I believe it will help you relax, Ray. After all, it's late and we have nothing else here."

*No lies so far...* he concluded.

Ray studied his partner for a long moment, who chose to keep his eyes elsewhere.

"I guess, Benny, if you think it would help."

The bed felt good, Ray confessed, despite it being Benny's uncomfortable cot. Ben had retreated to a nearby chair, while watching Ray closely.

"I'm sorry, Benny. I know I've been a real jerk lately."

"It's okay, Ray. You've been under a lot of stress."

"So have you, not that I've been helping much." Ray said, massaging his own temples. He furrowed his brow.

"It's not your fault." Ben said. "Headache still bad?"

"Yeah, a little."

"Here, let me."

Ben promptly parked himself on the bed. He began to massage Ray's temples. This type of closeness, Ben admitted, wasn't bad. As he began to extend the touches to his forehead, Ray allowed it, lightly moaning his relief. Eyes closed, Ben placed his hands on his forehead and began to inhale very deeply, to the area about two inches below his navel, and exhale with a gentle hissing sound.

"Benny...?"

"Quiet, Ray. I'm performing Ki."

"What?"

"Just relax, trust me. It's an ancient form of pain relief. It will take a few minutes."

A warm tingly feeling begins to flow through him and out from his hands. He continues the practice with each breath. Ray felt warm, more at ease. His head, which was throbbing mercilessly a while ago, seemed to be calming itself. Ben ceased the treatment, but continued the light touches.

"That was incredible, Benny! It's almost gone."

"That's because, Ki, or in Chinese, ch'i, is the basis of traditional Chinese medicine and acupuncture, dating back three thousand years."

"Whatever, man. That stuff works better than scotch any day, in my book. I...haven't drank since that night, in case you're wondering. Not that you'd believe me."

"You trust me, Ray. It would only be respectful for me to return that trust."

His voice was low and husky. Ben continued his attentions. He gently took hold of Ray's hand and began closely inspecting it.

"You have the most elegant hands, Ray. Did anyone ever tell you that?"

"Benny..." Ray swallowed, his voice quiet. "What are you doing?"

"I owe you this, Ray. The least I can do is make the attempt, right?"

He scanned long fingers with his own as he spoke. Lightly, he caressed a callous.

"I...guess, Benny. If your comfortable with that." he breathed. "Besides, what am I going to say? 'Not tonight, I have a headache'?" He smiled.

"Oh, if you want me to stop-"

"Of course not, Benny!"

"Yes, Ray."

A gentle kiss on his palm made Ray gasp. He continued slowly, delicately kissing each finger tip. First the front, then the back.

"You're hands are softer than mine, Ray! Why is that?" He was genuinely curious.

Ray was breathing a little faster now. When he spoke, he was near pleading.

"Benny...I don't have your self-control. Please give me back my hand."

Ben released his grasp and Ray reluctantly pulled away.

"Maybe I should go."

Ben wanted to protest, but Ray looked exhausted. It was best for him to get some sleep.

"All right, Ray."

Ray was at the door when Ben spoke again.

"Ray."

"Yeah, Benny?"

"I'd like to keep trying, if that's okay with you."

Some, Ray knew, would be insulted as to why Ben was doing this, be it out of pity or a sense of obligation. It touched him, however, that Ben would even make the attempt. Ray looked at the floor as he responded.

"Thank you, Benny. I'd like that. See you soon."

They didn't speak of "the incident" again. Frankly, Ben didn't know how to broach the subject in the least and Ray was too afraid to ask if it had had the 'desired effect', as it were. The sad fact was, it hadn't. While it was different for Ben, it sparked no feelings other than that he did feel a little closer to Ray now, as if they'd made a better connection. Since he knew that's not what Ray wanted to hear, he said nothing. Ray was at his place now, exactly seven days after the night Ben had shocked him with his Ki exercises. Welsh had really ripped into Ray that day after discovering his mistake on the case of the teenage girl. It turned out it would have a great impact on wrapping up the case. They had finished the meal Ben had prepared and was sitting down to their usual tea and coffee, when Ray went to stand by the window. To Ben, he might as well have been on the moon. It hurt him to see his friend in such pain. He came closer.

"I heard Welsh today."

"Yeah. I can't blame him. It was a rookie mistake." He shrugged. "Even Huey is brushing me off."

Ben knew he really didn't care what the fellow detective thought, except where the quality of the work was concerned. Ray let his head hang forward.

"Now that bastard who killed her may go free. All because of me."

Ray sighed. Ben suddenly knew what was eating at his partner. He wanted to kick himself for letting his fear of the situation not see it sooner. Ray was severely depressed and Ben knew what that could lead to. Guilt washed over him.

"I don't know what to do, Benny."

Ray looked like he was on the verge of crying. Ben placed a hand on his shoulder. Ray sobbed and Ben pulled him close. His hands went around Ray's waist, and wrapped around his back. Ray laid his head on Ben's shoulder and breathed deeply a couple of times.

"Thanks, Benny." He tried to pull away, but Ben stopped him.

"It's okay, Ray. This...doesn't have to end just yet."

His hands slid over Ray's silk shirt in slow obvious caresses. It took a minute, but Ray finally enclosed his own arms around the muscular torso, mirroring Ben's movements.

"You don't have to do this, you know." he whispered into Ben's ear.

Ben's hands lightly touched his neck and shoulders, gliding down his arms, then a single, languid finger followed the path of his spine.

"An embrace doesn't necessarily...have to be erotic, Ray."

That made Ray chortle. "Sure, this may be a good old-fashioned brotherly hug for you, but..."

He quickly realized he should shut up and take what he could get from the repressed Mountie, however desperate it made him look.

"When it gets to that point, Ray, I'll let you know."

Whether he knew it or not, Ben was causing the worse set of chills the detective ever thought he'd experience. Ray's heart rate was increasing and he began to feel very light-headed.

"Damn, you smell good."

It was said before Ray could stop it. Then, he realized something worse, much worse. He shot backwards, trying to break the hold, but Ben locked his grip.

"What's wrong, Ray?!"

"Let go, Benny."

A nervous tongue flicked over Ben's lower lip. "I...felt it already, Ray. It's not an... unpleasant sensation."

Slowly, Ray allowed him to hold him again, his erection pressing up against Ben's thigh.

After a while, the hands of both men slowed and Ben released him. Ray noticed Ben did not, unfortunately, have the same reaction as he. Ben did, however, considerate it very sensuous.

Suddenly ashamed, Ray said, "Maybe I should go."

"No, you don't have to. Stay, please."

"Are you sure? Most guys would have hit me by now."

"I'm not most guys." Ben smiled.

Ray did as well. "That's for damned sure."

They finished their coffee and tea, which had grown cold.

*What the Hell am I doing here?!*

The jewelry story was busy. So much so, he wasn't being bugged by fifty salespeople, asking if he need any help. He didn't want help. He knew what he wanted. He just wanted to take another look. To have one more look at the item Ana had suggested to him. It was beautiful, just like the person he wanted to give it to.

*This is stupid.*

He sighed and left. The detective was, once again, convinced lust was indeed a form of insanity.

The day had started out usual enough for Ben, but the weather was determined to change that. The worse ice storm Chicago had seen in years was pounding the city without mercy. The power had gone off in various parts of the city, including occasionally in Ben's building. It would flicker back on for a few hours, then go out again. The lights dimmed at the Consulate. As he looked up, a familiar figure entered his office.

"Ray! I'm surprised they let you go with the city in such chaos."

"Well, Benny, sometimes a person can be such a bastard, no one wants you around, even when it's all going to Hell."

He was smiling, despite his comment.

"Well, I'm glad you stopped by."

"Of course you are. Not even a Mountie would want to walk home in this."

"Actually, Ray, it's not that cold. It's just the wind-chill and-"

"Shut up, Benny."

"Yes, Ray."

Ben told him of the power fluctuations in his building.

"Geez! I hope the heat stays on!"

"It should. Are you hungry?" It was close to leaving time.

"That's why I stopped by. I wanted to make you dinner tonight."

"Oh, that's not necessary, Ray!"

"Yes, it is. Besides, I insist. And it would be rude to refuse."

Ben smiled at his thoughtfulness. "I guess it would."

They made it back to Ben's place, the power presently on. Ben judged the storm from his window.

"It's going to be terrible by morning." he said.

Ray draped his warm arms around him and held him close. Ray placed his chin on Ben's shoulder. Ben found it interesting that weeks ago, he would've been very uneasy about such a thing. Now, he wasn't. It was a moment before Ray spoke.

"Yeah. I should get home right after we eat. So," he said, returning to the kitchen, "you like, which is it, French or Russian dressing? I keep forgetting, so I got both. You know, that supermarket is the pits."

And on he went, with Ben watching him as he set about making dinner for the two of them. He cracked a small smile at the idea they were a couple already, to the outside observer. Ray could be so warm and understanding, when he let people in. Ben felt blessed to be one those chosen few. He had a good sense of humor and was lively, energetic. Style and wit, passion and charm were the qualities that made Ray Vecchio. He was closer than a brother and more than a simple friend. Ben knew he loved him. It was time to show that, even if it still was on a spiritual plane.

"Russian, Ray. I like Russian."

Much later, after they'd finished the wonderful meal, Ray stretched, then grabbed his coat.

"Dinner was great tonight, if I do say so myself! I'll see ya' later, Benny."

"I don't think you should be driving in this weather."

Ben began to undress. Ray blinked.

"Yeah, that's nice, but I can't be beamed home by the Transporter yet, so I'm Buick bound, if I wanna' get home."

Ben reached for his red long johns. He put them on as if Ray wasn't even in the room.

"Then stay here."

Ray smiled knowingly.

"That's very, er, thoughtful of you, Benny, but it is freezing in here and you barely have power."

Ben grabbed his mattress off the cot and placed it on the floor. Right beside it, he plopped down the bedroll and laid it flat. He produced the large blanket from the closet and spread it over the bedding, right over to his own comforter. It was followed by a large pillow. Ray's eyes had grown to the size of dinner plates.

"Where did you get all *that*!?" he squeaked.

"I bought it."

"Why?! You never think it's cold and-" His eyes grew even bigger, if that were possible.

"Benny, did you get that for..." He couldn't bring himself to say it.

Ben had his back turned as he spoke.

"I can't promise much, Ray. But will you stay here, tonight?"

Ray swallowed hard. Once, then twice, eyes closed. He backed against the wall to steady himself. Finally, he found his voice.

"Geez, Benny! Don't scare a guy like that! I thought you'd done a 180 degree flip on me!"

"How do you mean?"

"I mean, for a moment there, I thought you wanted a Hell of a lot more than a cuddle session!" Immediately, he knew that had come out wrong. "Sorry, that was a dumb thing to say."

Ben looked at the entire situation with sudden crystal clarity. He turned crimson, as he mentally kicked himself.

"Oh God, Ray...I am so sorry. I was just..."

But Ray was smiling, as he removed his coat.

"'So'kay. I shouldn't have assumed you'd go so far so fast."

He came close to Ben and slid his arms slowly around his waist, all the while staring into those azure eyes, checking for any sign of distress. Their bodies came together, their foreheads touching. He was still having a hard time reciprocating Ray's affections, so he let Ray set the standard. Ben closed his eyes, enjoying the inner-personal contact.

"Only what you want, okay?" Ray whispered, to which he slowly nodded. His green eyes looked so bright, like there was a light inside. He pressed his lips to Ben's forehead in a lingering kiss. "You just let me know if it's too much, okay, caro?"

Again, Ben simply nodded. Ray undressed, with Ben's help, leaving on his undershirt and boxers. He took Ben's hand and led him to the makeshift nest on the floor. He took both of Ben's hands in his and let them both sink to their knees. Ray kissed him again on the forehead,then a little further down, trailing the bridge of his nose, down his neck, then back up, leaving no area untouched. He slipped his arms around Ben, who did the same for him. As before, they simply held one another, their hands gently siding up and down, exploring, pausing to deeply rub the neck or shoulders. Ben could not believe how much he'd come to love and need this. Basic physical touch, the simple feel and appreciation of another, was something he'd never gotten enough of while growing up, but had here, now, in Ray. Plus, there was something very relaxing about this kind of contact. It was so soothing and gentle, he didn't feel threatened. Ben loved the exclusive consideration and the smell of Ray's cologne. He encouraged Ben to lay down, with Ray still propped up on one elbow. He combined his lips with one long finger, letting them take the same path. He moved closer, slightly pressing up against Ben's body, as he continued to caress his face and neck. He stroked one cheek while kissing the other, then ran an elegant finger over each eyebrow, his mouth still floating about. They went down his nose, across the divot and lingered over his chin. Ray shifted and froze, but only for a second. He relaxed and placed a lingering kiss on Ben's ear. Ben shivered.

"You feel me?" he murmured.

Feeling the distinct hardness against his thigh again, Ben nodded, his eyes closed.

"Does that bother you?"

He shook his head, eyes still shut.

Ray's finger now found his ear, which caused chills in Ben. Ray replaced his finger with his lips. It was a simple trailing of kisses, followed by light sucking on the lobe, causing reverberations and a warm tingle throughout Ben. Ray ran his fingers over Ben's nipples, through the long johns. Ben shuddered. Soon, it became overwhelming and Ben turned on his side to face his partner. Ray smiled and acquiesced, content to wrap himself around the Mountie. Long, slow moments passed, as he continued to reign little kisses and caresses wherever he could reach. The two men lay facing each other. Ray brought his hand up and let it slide slowly over and over again through his partner's dark-chocolate locks, amazed at it's solo beauty.

"Damn, Benny, even your hair is absolutely perfect." His voice was low and sultry.

"You did call it pelt once, Ray." Ben said, jokingly.

"I did, didn't I? Maybe I was trying to tell myself something." he mused.

Ben raised his hand toward Ray's head.

"May I?"

"Sure."

He ran his hand over the closely-cropped hair. He marveled at how unbelievably soft the peach-fuzz felt.

"Very nice." he admitted. "Silky..."

He caught Ben's hand as it drifted way and he kissed it, while gazing in his partner's eyes.

They continued their little game for a while longer, with Ben basking in the attention.

Eventually, Ray sighed.

"I guess that's enough for now, eh, Benny? Are you sure you want me to stay?"

Ben stared at him.

"Of course! That is, I mean," he quickly corrected, "you *can* stay here tonight."

"Just checking."

Ray proceeded to pull back the cover on his side. The two men settled in. Ben noticed Ray's body was quite ridged, uneasy. He knew why, but he found it odd Ray would be nervous to touch him now. Ray fidgeted, then turned on his side, away from Ben. Ben came closer, closing the gap between them. He wrapped his arm around Ray, but said nothing.

"Benny, why are you-"

"Heat, Ray. You said it's cold in here, right?"

The unspoken question was, of course, 'do you want me to stop?', but Ray Vecchio was no fool.

"Yeah, Benny, that's it. Heat."

Somehow, despite the position, both men were able to get some sleep. It made Ray believe, once again, there was a God, despite His sick sense of humor. It was definitely going to be a joy watching *that* face waking up next to him!

The next time they saw each other was several days later, which was still more often than before. Their relationship had improved, seeing as Ray didn't have to hide his feelings for Ben anymore, even though he couldn't act on them to the extent he'd like. Still, Ben was trying. Sadly, though, for all they'd done, Ben confessed to himself, it still had not affected him in a lustful manner. He enjoyed the intimacy greatly and actually liked holding Ray, touching and feeling of him. Still, he thought of him more as a kindred spirit than a lover. It was starting to worry him. It disturbed him he might eventually have to tell Ray this attempt wasn't working out. He sat beside Ray's desk, waiting for him to finish his work.

"That guy got life for killing that girl, thank God."

"I'm glad the case worked out, Ray. You really worked hard on it. It's no wonder it turned out well."

"It almost went to Hell because of me, Benny, you know that."

"But you made up for that and then some. Don't play down your role in this. You worked too hard for it."

Ray smiled. "Thanks. That means a lot to me."

"No reason to thank me for stating the truth."

There was a pause. Ray continued to stare at the case file front of him.

"I don't do it for you, do I?"

"What?"

"I just don't excite you, do I?"

Stunned, Ben looked away. He viewed his hands in his lap as he spoke.

"Well, that's not entirely true, Ray. I feel closer to you than I ever have. I've faced some fears about touching another man and overcame them. I truly enjoy what we do. I wouldn't call that nothing."

"It's okay, Benny. I kinda' guessed this would happen. I'm really grateful, ya' know, for your even trying."

Ray's smile was so sad, it caused pain in Ben. Ray had expected this downfall, but that made it none-the-less hurtful to him.

Without looking at him, Ben said quietly, "I'm sorry, Ray."

"It's not your fault. I...thank you for helping me."

Ben wondered why his words seemed so final, so ready to give up. Especially when *he* wasn't.

"Let's...try for a couple more weeks, okay?" Ben suggested. "If nothing happens, we'll decide then what to do. Is that all right?"

By that, Ray knew he meant a couple of more sessions. Ray started to say something, then shook his head. Ray agreed, but his tone wasn't hopeful.

"Yeah, sure. Then, we'll see."

They made it to Ray's house late. Ray skeptically peered into the refrigerator.

"There's not much, but I can heat some stuff up."

"That would be fine, Ray."

The house was surprisingly empty. Ray wasn't exactly sure as where all the occupants of the household were at the moment and truly didn't care. He was just glad he didn't have to fight for a little peace and quiet. He took out some barbecue chicken and a few side dishes, which weren't that cold, obviously leftover from dinner. He placed the chicken in the oven to warm up. He set about heating the side dishes on the top of the stove.

"Can I help with anything, Ray?"

He groaned.

"Yeah, Benny, stop being so damned helpful. Get us out a couple of plates, will ya'?"

Ben started setting the table for the two of them and by the time he finished, the macaroni and cheese was piping hot and the corn was simmering with just the right amount of butter. It wasn't long before the chicken was ready and they set down to their meal. Ray watched with a bemused expression, as Ben tried, as mannerly as possible, to dislodge a chicken leg. He then began the laborious task of removing all meat from the bone, using his knife and fork for the endeavor. Ray watched in amazement, then nearly burst out laughing.

"Benny, you can't be serious! No one eats barbecue, or even chicken, like that! Use your fingers, for crying out loud!"

"Etiquette, Ray. This is a perfectly permissible way of eating."

"If we were at some gala feast, maybe. Now drop the utensils. Pretend your eating caribou."

"Yes, Ray."

They finished the food and Ben insisted on washing the dishes, but Ray shooed him away. Retiring to Ray's room, Ray went to change into his pajama's.

"Uh, Ray? Is this...going to be a problem?"

Annoyed, Ray stuck his head out. "We're in my room, Benny. If I chose to hold parole hearings in my bed, that's my own business. And, yes, I always lock my door."

The frightening image of Frannie yelling and banging on the door made Ben very uneasy.

"I just don't want to be a burden."

"It's okay, I swear. " Ray knitted his brow, thinking. He stuck his head out again. "Benny, were you planning on us...I mean, here? Tonight?"

"No, not...unless you were."

"Oh. Well, no, not really. Besides, I'm kinda' tired anyway."

"In that case, I'll stay for a while longer, then I'll go home."

Ray came out, clad in pj's and plopped on the bed. He turned the covers down and got in. He yawned. "Sounds good. Come lay with me a while before you leave."

Ben looked at Ray, his hand extended invitingly and couldn't resist. He knelt on the bed and came up to lay in Ray's arms. Ray turned on the television and began absently stroking Ben's hair, as he flipped channels. After a bit, he settled on some show about special effects in action films. Ben closed his eyes, thinking of how peaceful this was. Ray's touch eventually drifted to his hand, which he brushed his knuckles against. As he began to intertwine their fingers, he stopped and lifted Ben's hand into the low light. He began to laugh.

"Do you realize, Benny, you still have barbecue sauce on your hand!?"

"I do!? But, I was careful!"

"Well, it's still there. Here, let me..."

Ray began softly licking the fleshy ball of his hand. Ben's heart rate shot up, his eyes widening. Ray continued up to his finger, as Ben tried desperately to suppress a gasp, his breathing increasing. Ray gently brought the little finger into his mouth and suckled it. Ben thanked the gods Ray couldn't see his expression. His pulse was racing, his mind spinning and was on the verge of literally moaning. After a few seconds, he simply couldn't take it anymore! He tried to sound calm.

"Uh, Ray?"

"Yeah, Benny?"

"That was, er, unexpected."

"Oh."

*'Unexpected', my foot, Benton!* he told himself. *That felt GOOD!*

"That doesn't mean you have to stop."

He couldn't believe he just said that, but it was true. He wanted Ray to do that again! He liked it and it certainly wasn't on a platonic level, either.

"Hmm? Oh, sure."

Ray seemingly wasn't trying to be seductive at the moment, but it was working. Ben closed his eyes, his lips parting. Even more sensually, Ray licked and sucked at his finger and hand, never straying from the original point, not trying to go further. He only did it for a short period, then went back to caressing the area. Then, he stopped altogether. Ben laid there, completely shocked. He felt that familiar heat stirring in his groin, his mind racing. He couldn't just jump up and leave. He just didn't think he was ready to take the next step. He was still dealing with the fact his best friend had just aroused the living Hell out of him. Deep, rhythmic breathing stopped his train of thought. Ray had fallen asleep! Slowly, he disentangled himself and shut off the television. Ray woke up briefly.

"Mmm...Ben?"

"Shhh. I'm here, Ray. Go back to sleep."

"Okay." he mumbled.

He snuggled up under the covers and closed his eyes, smiling. He was asleep in seconds. Ben saw how peaceful he looked. He had a sudden urge to crawl under the covers with him and hold him all night. But it was too soon. He leaned over and placed a lazy kiss on his forehead.

"You are something special, Ray Vecchio."

Ben went home. Days passed, but they went by in a blur. There was only one thing on his mind. He had to think about all this. After walking aimlessly one day, he found himself at Lake Michigan. It was a decision that would affect him, and Ray, for the rest of their lives. He knew he loved Ray as a friend. As for anything deeper, he was unsure. They could try, as they had to begin with, of course. Most of all, he was very curious. He wanted to know more about what he'd felt that night with Ray and what else was possible between them. It made him giddy to think of it! After careful consideration, he concluded that if he did want Ray Vecchio in this manner, he *would* pursue a relationship with him. He laid in bed that night to consider his lustful experience with Ray. Did he really get that excited over one, simple finger licking? Just the thought caused his stomach to tingle and slight fear to surface.

"Well, Ana, you did say everything I do, I do in the extreme." he stated aloud.

Going so slow in the beginning, it had turned out, was a good idea. It made it easier for him to accept this. He felt of the area, his finger and the fleshy ball of his hand and could picture Ray lavishing it with attention. The image caused his sleeping penis to awaken, even though he was still nervous. It got worse as he remembered Ray kissing him elsewhere, the restrained touches and caresses of the past, the husky voice speaking to him the entire time, ensuring he was not uncomfortable and was enjoying their simple escapades. He remembered something, but was almost ashamed to try it. The fear and carnal need he was simultaneously experiencing made him unsure. But he *had* to know. This was better than telling Ray what he'd felt and later discovering he was wrong. Dief was asleep, so Ben quietly got out of bed and went over to his laundry. Sure enough, there was the shirt Ray had worn, then left here after he'd spent the night. Ben was never so glad in his life Ray insisted on keeping a spare set of clothing at the run down apartment. Gingerly, he held it closely and, yes, it smelled of Ray. The effect it had was intense. It got him even more excited, overriding the anxiety. He placed the shirt back on the pile and laid back down. He could still detect faint traces of Ray's cologne. His dick now strained in the confines of the red long johns. He reached down and groped himself, panting. The knowledge that soon, Ray would be doing that for him, caused him to moan out loud. The possibilities seemed endless and he wanted to learn more, with Ray as his guide. He actually wanted Ray! He still, of course, wanted to go slow. Excited as he may have been, he needed to pace his actions. He didn't want the apprehension returning to a crippling stage, as it had at the start. He raised up on one elbow and addressed the sleeping wolf, as he had unknowingly did before so many weeks ago.

"Looks as if I'm '*like that*', after all, eh, Dief?"

Ray hadn't returned his messages, at home or at work. He wasn't answering his cell phone either. They hadn't had a chance to be together last week and Ben was getting anxious. He wanted to get Ray alone to tell him the good news. Concerned, Ben stopped by the precinct late after work, hoping he would be there. Sure enough, Ray was at his desk when the red surge caught his eye. Ray smiled, but not much.

"Hey, Benny."

"Hello, Ray." Ben sat down beside his desk. Ray all but ignored him. "Is everything okay?"

"Hmm? Oh, I'm fine. I've just been very busy lately."

Ben thought that odd, seeing his desk looked nearly bare.

"I'd like...for you to come over tonight, Ray. I'd like to talk."

Ray kept his eyes on the form in front of him. "No can do, partner. Too much going on. Tell you what, though. I'll call you." He smiled and stood. "Thanks for stopping by, Benny."

With that, the detective breezed passed him. Stunned, Ben stood as well. He made his way over to Ray who was...straightening his own files! Now he knew something was definitely up.

"Ray, can we please talk?"

"Sure. Let's go get some coffee."

He followed Ray to the coffee machine. Ray plunked some change into it, but pressed the button for tea. He handed it to Ben, who'd been watching him the entire time.

"So, whadda' wanna' talk about?" Ray's attitude was quiet causal.

"What's the matter, Ray? You haven't returned my messages and we seem to keep missing each other. I just wanted to make sure I hadn't upset you in some way."

"What? Of course not. Look, Benny, I will let you know something, though. I'm not gonna' be around as much as I used to after this week. Welsh has assigned me to a Hell of at lot and, well, there's always something that needs to be done at the house. But, I know you can understand that."

Ben was confused. "That never stopped you before."

"Yeah, well, things change. I just got some other stuff to do. I mean, Frannie needs me to drive her shopping and Ma wants me to fix that leaky pipe in the basement. Plus, work is getting pretty overwhelming. I just wanted you to know that your gonna' be solo for now."

Ben stared at his tea all the while Ray spoke. It was apparent what Ray was doing and, for some reason, that information both warmed and hurt Ben at the same time. He felt a scramble of panic at the thought of not being with Ray, not being with him intimately, as a friend... and otherwise. The idea brought about pain on a profound level. His chest ached. What had Ray said about going nuts if he couldn't be near Ben? Wasn't that how Ray knew he was in love?

*But that would mean I...*

Was *this* the reason he was so very terrified of being with Ray in the first place? Love, after all, *could* be very scary. He suddenly gulped down the hot, dark golden liquid, while trembling.

"Hey, it's not like your never gonna' see me again!" Ray joked.

Ben looked into those falsely smiling eyes.

"No, Ray, I do believe that's exactly what you mean."

Ray's face melted considerably. "Don't do this, Benny."

"Then, don't lie to me."

"So, what do you suggest? I was trying to make this easy for you."

"You owe me one more visit, Ray."

Ray rolled his eyes extravagantly.

"What, the only thing you get off on is my humiliation? No, Fraser, I won't put either of us through that anymore."

His tone was set, determined. He wasn't going to budge, not on this. Ben frantically searched for a way to change his mind. He thought of something. But he wasn't sure if it would work. He knew Ray, and Ana, were right about his looks and the impact they could have. He didn't, however, have much experience at flirting. People flirted with him, not the other way around.

"Please, Ray, I would like to try one last time."

"Benny, I said no."

The room was deserted and while there weren't many people still there, he knew that could change at any moment. Ben's hand slipped to Ray's thigh under the table and caressed up it. Ray jumped a mile, totally flabbergasted. He did not, however, stop Fraser. Blue seared into stunned, green eyes.

"Are you saying, Ray, you don't want to be with me? It can be the last time, I promise, if that's what you want." He hoped his voice sounded sexy. He continued his journey up his leg.

"Benny, what are you...don't do...that." Ray stammered. It sounded false, even to him.

"It would be rude to refuse. Isn't that what you're always telling me?"

A pink tongue slowly flickered over his bottom lip, his eyes never leaving Ray's.

"Oh, Christ..."

Ray swallowed hard. He closed his eyes, his breathing increasing. He started to babble.

"Yeah, well, I guess. I mean, I don't want you to have no hurt feelings or nuthin'."

He gripped Ray's upper thigh tightly, causing him to yelp, just a little. Quickly, he sobered. Ben smiled and released him. He stood.

"See you tonight, Ray. I promise you won't be disappointed."

Ray's jaw fell solidly open when Benton Fraser of the RCMP winked at him and smiled wickedly. He left the detective to ponder the possibilities.

It wasn't but an hour later when Ben heard the tapping at his door. He opened it to Ray leaning against the doorframe.

"How'd you know it was me?"

"Your footsteps. I recognized them."

"Very funny, Benny."

Ben smiled and let him in.

"Now what's this all about, Fraser? I should tell you, I'm not gonna' let you do something you're not ready for just to make me feel better."

Ray took off his coat.

"Ray, please calm down. I wouldn't do that."

Ray relented. "All right. Can I have some coffee? I don't have to work tomorrow."

"I know. I made you some already." He placed the cup nearby.

"What do ya' mean you know?"

Ben stood by the window. "When you wouldn't respond to my messages, I asked Elaine."

"Oh."

He came up behind Ben and slipped his arms around his waist.

"You know, that wasn't very Mountie-like of you, teasing me to get me here." he purred.

Ben closed his eyes.

"I had to try something, Ray. I needed...to talk to you."

"Well, you lied pretty damned well, my friend. I didn't know you had it in you. It got me going, but then again, you always do."

By now, Ray was pressing up against his buttocks, and kissing his ear. Ben started breathing hard, an urgent need building in him. He was a little afraid the fear would return. Could one be afraid of fear?

"Well, I told you...once that..."

Ray began a series of kisses on the back of his neck, the chills causing goose bumps on his skin.

"I...would...let you...know..."

He found his way under Ben's shirt and felt him up, his erection pressing into Ben's ass.

"...when the hug became more...than something..."

Ray was sucking on his earlobe again. He made no motion to stop him, instead laying his head back on Ray's shoulder.

"Oh, God..."

"Say it, Benny."

"I didn't lie, Ray."

Ray stopped cold.

"...what?" His voice was muffled against Ben's shirt.

"I said I didn't lie to you. I...do want you."

It took a bit, but then Ben could feel a smile forming against his shoulder blade.

"Take your shirt off."

Ben turned to face him and did as told. Ray removed his shirt as well. The two men embraced, both delighting in the smooth, hot, skin-to-skin contact. Ray kissed and licked at his neck. Being held so tight, Ray's crucifix was digging into his chest. Ben moaned, causing the detective to grind his hips into Ben's thigh. Once again, he froze, but for an entirely different reason.

"You really are liking this, aren't you?" he said, commenting on the erection Ben sported.

"I would never lie to you about such a thing, Ray. But I've never...I don't know what I can promise."

"Caro, we're still going slow. I'm new at this too, remember? Let's just see what happens."

"Yes, Ray."

"One more thing, Benny. When? When did you..."

"Flip 180 degrees?"

Ray smiled. "Yeah."

"When you did this."

He took Ray's hand and recreated the gesture, licking up to his finger, then suckling on it.

Ray watched, probably envious of his own hand for the first time in his life. He led Ben over to the already prepared bedding on the floor and both men went to their knees. Ray seemed to realize Ben's reluctance was out of confusion, not fear. He took the lead, as always. There was one thing they definitely had to do, had to get passed. It was something Ray had dreamed about, literally, since day one. He kissed down Ben's nose and on each cheek. He looked in Ben's eyes, then at his lips, then back to Ben, seeking understanding, coming closer all the while. Ben gasped slightly at the realization, then allowed those lips to brush against his. He parted his own lips, his heart pounding and kissed Ray back. Ray moaned and slid his arm around Ben, trying not to be so eager and failing. Their lips, barely touching, was igniting a fire in Ben. He wanted this so very much. So far, there was no anxiety. He kissed Ray harder, searching out his tongue, finding it and proceeded to intricately explore his partner's mouth. Ray was shaking, as he held Ben close, running his fingers through his hair and pressed their erections together for the first time.

"Oh, God, Ray!" Ben snapped, breaking the kiss at the feeling.

"You like that, eh?" Ray smiled.

Ben was insistent. "Don't stop...doing that." He ground his hips into his friend's.

Seeing Ben overcome with desire nearly made Ray lose it. He cupped Ben's beautiful ass and did as he was told. He wrapped his arms around the Mountie and pushed him down onto the mattress on the floor. Now on top, he re-established that kiss, then licked down his neck, causing Ben's head to spin. He began kissing his chest, when that fire inside Ben began raging. Ray thought he heard something very faint. It was Ben, whispering his name.

"Oh, god...Ray, yes. Please, more. More..."

Ray complied, licking over to one pale pink nipple. They locked eyes. Ben nodded twice. He began wide, full licks over it, leaving a moist pattern. The sensation was so incredible, to feel the soft roughness tug at the gentle flesh. He blew on it and Ben flinched, eyes shut. Ray smiled. He then lowered his lips over it, sucking firmly. Ben gasped loudly and found the back of Ray's head to push him closer. Ben's desire was rapidly infecting Ray. Quickly, Ray trailed over, aided by Ben's hand, to the other nipple and repeated the procedure.

"Oh, god, Benny." he said, trailing kisses downward, pausing to dip his tongue into his navel, causing Ben to arch his hips. "Can I touch you?"

"Yes, Ray, please."

The desperation in Ben's voice made Ray ache. He wasn't going to take Benny too far this time. He knew Ben wasn't ready, no matter how much his body craved it. He let his hand drift down to the crotch of Ben's jeans. He somehow found the strength to not reach inside. He felt the incredible heat there and cupped the straining bulge reverently. He watched Ray, his heart speeding up even more at the sight. The feel of his balls, tightly drawn up, being massaged, and his stiff dick being pumped through the rough cloth, made him kiss Ray deeply. A strong arm took hold of the Italian. He kissed Ray on the cheek, then the ear, just as he had been done, finally getting to instill some chills by licking at the lobe. Ray shuddered and increased his grip, feeling Ben grind into him. Ben then held him with an intense stare.

"Ray, why didn't you tell me I was being rude?"

With that, Ben reached down and worked over his lover's erection through his pants. Ray stilled all movement, except the tremors in his body, then laid his head on Ben's chest.

"Dear God..." Ray whispered, his voice strained with lust. "Yeah, keep doin' that. Yeah."

He kissed Ben, breathing erratically through his nose. Ben finally felt courageous enough to join openly in their making-out. He loved the reaction he got from Ray by simply moaning or just being an active participant. He went on instinct; tasting his partner, the stiff nipples, his salty skin covering that lithe, warm body. To feel of his firm ass and slim waist so close to him, his body heat adding to the desire inside him. Ray's erection pressing into his own made him crazy! It felt so good, so right. They continued for a while, performing their efforts repeatedly, the sound unusually loud in the small apartment. They took turns at being on top and occasionally nearly sucking the other's tonsils out during a much needed kiss. When Ben glided his knuckles across Ray's peaked nipples once too often, however, the detective broke the kiss and backed off.

"What?" Ben gently asked. "What did I do wrong?" He looked so hurt.

Ray braced himself. He would *not* give in to those eyes. He exhaled slowly.

"Absolutely nothing, Benny. You were great. Too good, as a matter of fact."

"Really?" Ben looked pleased with himself. He reached for Ray. "Then, we can..."

"No. No, no, no." he told Ben as well as himself. Still, he couldn't help kissing his forehead and the path downward as he spoke. "I know you don't believe me, but your not ready yet." He silenced him with a kiss. "We still must go slow and if you keep doin' all this stuff to me, I just might forget that." After they parted, Ray asked, "Okay?"

Ben searched his face momentarily.

"Arousal turns your eyes from green to hazel, Ray."

For some inexplicable reason, that made his groin burn. He got a quick mental image of Ben seeing him when he was *really* excited. Ray restrained himself from breaking his promise by moving up on his knees.

"Thanks for noticing." he mumbled.

He stood and retrieved his clothing and coat. Fraser, still shirtless, smiling and the lump in his jeans dissipating, watched him. Something told him Ray would like this sight of him.

"I'll see ya', Benny."

"Hey, Ray."

"Yeah?"

"Told you you wouldn't be disappointed."

His tone was fluid, silky. He smiled as Ray struggled for a reply and then left, highly unsettled.

Their relationship, sexual and otherwise grew rapidly after that. Making out to the extend they had the first time had progressed, although they hadn't made love yet. Ben felt so free with Ray. He could do just about anything with him. Sexual exploration was fast becoming his hobby, with Ray Vecchio as the star. He had Ray pinned beneath him now, licking everywhere he could reach. They were sans shirts, still in their slacks. Fraser rubbed his erection into Ray's, who moaned.

"Oh, yeah, Benny, keep that up. I'm in heaven."

He kissed his lover, they chests touching. He then was licking and sucking at the surrounding area, nipples included. Ben raised up, straddling Ray's hips. He ground their groins together.

"Oh Ray, your definition of heaven is *so* limited. I do believe I can enlighten you. Here..."

He reached down and began to undo the expensive slacks which Ray never seemed to care about getting wrinkled anymore. Once done, the gleam in his eye grew as he undid his own.

"Benny?"

Benny, however, wasn't listening. He lifted Ray's hips and yanked down his pants to his knees. Before Ray could react, he did the same to himself.

"Benny!"

He laid flat on the Italian, as he squirmed underneath him, supported by his elbows. Still in their boxers, they were getting to know the other more intimately than ever before.

"Still want me to stop, Ray?" he asked in his ear, his dick pushing hard into his lover's.

Ray didn't even bother to answer. Ben lifted his head, reveling in the heat of another groin touching his. It made him gasp and he thrust harder. He raised back up, his hips still around Ray's, who reached up and tweaked his nipples.

"Oh, yes...yes, Ray."

"Enjoy it, baby. Just enjoy it."

Ben did as he was told; not expecting, just diving headfirst into the pleasure. He laid back his head, allowing his hands to drift over his lover. It was wonderful! He loved the fact Ray liked him being playful in bed. Ray was returning that thrust now and Ben felt a hand groping for him. Ray causally ran a finger along the access hole of his boxers and gave Ben a questioning look. Ben returned the look for a long moment, then nodded. Ray reached inside and lightly took the shaft in his hand. Ben trembled, the feeling being so unique. Ray raised up to remove it from the boxers and let it plop out, while still making over it. He tilted his head to the side and smiled.

"I shoulda' known you'd have to be different, Benny. Nice foreskin."

"It's not all that rare, Ray, I mean...oh, my..."

Ray's clever hand drove all thought from the Constable's mind, leaving only primal urges remaining.

"Can't talk when you're being jerked off, huh?" he whispered sexily.

Ben gripped the bedding under him, a heat gathering in his belly. He laid back his head and laughed a little at the building lust. He felt so...*wild* as Ray did this to him. Soon, he knew, this would escalate and he would beg Ray to stoke him to completion. But not now. They had taken it slow, as Ray wanted, doing more experimenting than anything. It had been beautiful, though. Ben felt like he was living for the first time and Ray was happy at seeing that. Making him shine like this, Ray had said, was worth everything. And shine, he did.

"I have ever told you, Ray, I *love* how soft your hands are?" It came out as a whimper.

"Yeah and I've got the proof right *here*."

He pinched Ray's nipples and slowly pumped into Ray's fist. His heaving, muscled torso glowed in the low light and his rumpled, dark mahogany hair cascaded over his forehead. His blue eyes were dilated and his mouth had slackened in awe of the experience. He took hold of Ray's cock through his silk boxers and worked it over well. Ray sharply inhaled and bucked his hips.

"Don't...stop, Ray." Ben pleaded.

"Just got a little distracted there, ya' know? Just don't *you* stop."

"May I?"

"Of course."

He took out Ray's dick, curiously looking it over, discovering it for the first time. He rubbed his thumb over the head, causing Ray to inhale sharply. The cockhead looked so exposed, so naked. He almost felt sorry for Ray, knowing he'd never experience that immense stimulation the extra fold of skin gave him. He'd just have to make sure he never missed it, of course.

"Nice...it matches your fingers." he commented.

"What?"

"You know, long and elegant."

Ray smiled at that. He curled his own fingers around the hard rod and began the same rhythmic pattern as Ray was doing. Ray gasped again.

"God, Benny, yes!"

Ben heard the slickness of his own wetness in and around Ray's hand and panted deeply.

"What?"

"I just like the way I sound...erotically, I mean."

Upon understanding, Ray groaned in arousal.

"Shut up, Benny or I swear..."

Sweat glistened over the Greek god-like body and pooled in their combined heat between their legs, aiding in lubrication. Clear fluid coated Ben's hand. He licked it, savoring the taste, memorizing this sweetness that was Ray, who brought his own hand up to mirror the action. Finally, Ray moved up, forcing Ben back onto his legs. He feasted on his lover's chest, licking at the fresh sweat, causing jolts of pleasure through Ben. He forced Ben down onto his side, so they laid facing each other, never completely ceasing in their stimulation. He kissed Ray, wrapping his arm over his back, feeling it up and down. Ray reached to grab the hand on his back. He kissed it, both men paused in their movements. Ray looked at the hand he had seized. He inspected it closely, kissing each finger tip, on the back and front, just as Ben had done to him weeks ago. He released it. Ben just smiled at him. A few minutes passed like that, with Ray deeply breathing and Ben watching him. Ben sat up, to reach for the blanket they had tossed aside at the start of their fun.

"Benny, no! Don't..."

"What? I'm just..."

Ben caught a look on his lover's face, so utterly despondent, so needful. He was breathing in short pants. He was afraid.

"What's wrong, Ray?"

He didn't answer. He lowered his head and continued to nearly hyperventilate. He gripped at the covers.

"Tell me!" Ben pleaded.

"No...I.. just wait. Just...wait..."

Ben saw the tremors in his body and it scared him. Ray laid back, his body tight as a spring. Ben saw unshed tears in his eyes. He closed them.

"Ray...please, tell me what's wrong."

"I...just need...to..." his face contorted as he seethed his words, "...need...to calm...down."

Ben placed his hand on Ray's arm and Ray flinched. He abruptly turned away, onto his side.

"Leave...me...alone, Benny, please. I'll be all right... in a minute."

That's when he understood. They had gone too far. Ray was fighting overwhelming desire. Ben thought of himself as being so selfish. To bring Ray so close, then constantly deny him what he needed. Ben was used to doing without; it didn't bother him as much, although that *was* rapidly changing! He wasn't ready to make love yet, to have Ray bring him to climax, but he couldn't leave Ray like this. He turned Ray back over, despite his protestations.

"Ray, please."

He held him close, his body nearly on top of him. Ray still kept his head turned away, eyes closed. His breathing was still far too erratic.

"I know what you need, Ray." he said into his ear, as he kissed all around it. "Here..."

He took Ray's hand and lowered it to his own throbbing erection, still half clad in silk boxers.

"Touch yourself."

"What? No, you're not ready yet."

"No, I'm not, but you are. I want this for you. Please. "

He groped at Ray's cock, his hand covering Ray's. A slow, if awkward, pace was established.

"If you...don't stop that...Benny...I won't be able... to."

"That's the idea, right? Go ahead, Ray...lose control."

Ray moved his head from side to side on the pillow, trying to refuse. But Ben licked Ray's hand and placed it back over the aching stiffness, resuming the depressed rate. Ray couldn't take it anymore. He shoved Ben's hand away and took to the work himself, frantically pumping. Ben moved his hand to play with Ray's nipples, when he wasn't sucking on them and murmured encouragement. His own dick was loving this, as it jabbed itself into Ray's thigh.

"You feel me?" Ben asked him.

Ray nodded briskly.

"Do you like that?"

Again, he nodded, eyes shut.

Ben couldn't help but to sneak glances at Ray's quickly moving hand. It was highly exciting to see his lover pleasure himself. He looked at the swollen head and how it leaked seemingly nonstop. It caused his own cock to jerk and tingle. He groaned, as he rubbed against Ray, who gasped at him doing so.

"You said you thought about us. Fantasized about us, together. Just think, Ray, you can have all of that now."

"Oh, God, Benny..."

"When you dreamt of my mouth on you, tasting you, bring you so close...when you needed to feel me in your mouth, so ready like you are now, me begging you for release and you gracious enough to allow me that honor...of you taking me, marking me as yours...of feeling me inside you, so deep, so passionate. It will all happen, Ray, I promise you."

*That* set of visuals was more than enough. Ray arched, his back taut, speeded up and exploded. He yelled, loudly, as he came. Ray's orgasm had an intense impact on Ben as well. One last time, he took a peek...and caught the last drops and dribbles that oozed out of the slick head. It fascinated Ben to see that; to smell, to hear it. It was messy and sticky and to Ben, for some reason, found that very, very stimulating. Ray soon recovered, but Ben was transfixed. Lust tore through him.

"Got a towel, Benny?"

"You won't need one, Ray."

Ben crawled down and began licking the ejaculate off Ray's stomach. Ray nearly passed out at the sight of his lover at his task, not to mention the hot breath and warm tongue gliding along his skin. Ben knitted his brow, as he made a painstaking effort in making sure he lapped up all he could find of this erotic nectar.

"Benny..."

Ray held his right hand close to Ben. He immediately detected the semen and began to clean it as well. Ray brought his hand up to his own lips, with Ben following. Their tongues flickered together and intertwined as they removed all milkiness from Ray's long, elegant fingers. It turned Ben on something fierce to do so. Now *he* was the one calming himself! When they were done, he snuggled close to Ray, holding him possessively.

"I love you, Ray."

It was true. It was all he felt right now.

"I love you too, Benny. And thank you."

"No need to thank me for stating the truth."

The next week primary events were inconsequential to Ben. Aliens could've landed and there would have been only one thing he cared to think about. He was quite sure he had surprised the Inspector with his most dissatisfied, boarder line hateful, stare when informed of his extended work hours that week. He tried his best to go on auto-pilot to get the work done, but *everything* reminded him of Ray, which took him back to their last time together. He'd never felt anything like this. Work and duty had always meant everything to him. The rest of his life had been so simple and uncomplicated.

*Boring, you mean.* he corrected.

By comparison, his former existence had been cardboard, black and white, two-dimensional. As hokey as it sounded, the sky looked a deeper shade of blue and things which escaped him before now screamed at him. He noticed others as just a person, not just a display of characteristics to sort and file. Like the smile of children, or the simple resplendence of nature. Had flowers *always* been so bright, so beautiful? In the past, he thought he knew what it meant to be excited, to feel things deeply. He was wrong. He felt alive, bursting with a renewed faith in life. He remained professional, of course. And according to the outside world, he hadn't changed *too* much, but he knew it wouldn't be much longer before everyone noticed and saw what only he himself was just starting to realize. With the love of Ray Vecchio, Benton Fraser now saw life in color. There was one more step to take. And he was ready. The rest would be a reaffirmation of everything they'd done so far.

Ray Vecchio came to work that day as he would've on any other day. He caught an odd look from Elaine as he breezed passed while singing. He said nothing and just carried on, perpetually, yet endearingly, out of tune. Nothing, of course, could've prepared him for what awaited him on his desk. It was an exotic arrangement of flowers, big and beautiful and catching the eye of every passerby. He stopped short, jelly donut in hand, and stared at the package.

"So, who have you been holding out on us with, Vecchio?"

It took a minute for Elaine's words to filter through.

"None of your business."

The confusion and lack of enthusiasm behind his words caused her to probe deeper. It was apparent all he cared about was who sent them.

"Oh, yes it is. Come on, 'fess up."

"I got an idea. You go talk it over with the local gossip mongers...and *guess*. Now, go!"

She backed down. He wasn't paying her any attention anyway, as he hurriedly looked for the card. He stuck the donut in his mouth as he searched. Once located, he read it with lightening fast speed.

It read, ** 'As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being.' - C.G. Jung. Thank you for being my light. I'm ready...**

*Jelly donuts are liked by a certain wolf.* his mind registered. *And that wolf's owner just invited me to...*

He swallowed the portion in his mouth after barely chewing. He grabbed the phone, frantically dialing.

"Constable Benton Fraser." the voice on the other end said.

There was a pause. "Tonight?! Do you mean tonight?"

Another pause, as the question seeped in. "Yes, Ray."

It was the first time *anyone* seen Detective Vecchio, or any detective for that matter, cause such a solo display of joy. He flung the phone away and cheered.

"YEEHEE!! Elaine, come here!"

He grabbed her and spun her around repeatedly, laughing the entire time. He kissed her cheek and lifted her off the ground. He had no idea what he was going to tell her, but he didn't care. She smiled broadly, while listening to his banter.

"This is great! My life is complete! I can die happy now! No, wait! Twenty four hours, then it's okay. Do you believe this!? Ha-ha!"

"No, Vecchio, I truly can't! But, I'm happy for you, whatever it may be."

She was just upset the flowers were on his desk. She would've *loved* to have fetched her camera to take pictures of him dancing on top of it. Ray surveyed the room, all eyes on him. He couldn't stop smiling if he'd been shot at that moment.

"Haven't you all ever seen a happy detective before?!"

When they all began to shake their heads, he waved them off, returning to the phone.

"Ray! Ray!"

"Yeah, Benny, I'm here. Just a little...excited."

"I know what you mean."

"Please don't be late."

"I won't. You don't, either."

"Buddy, you don't have to worry about that."

Ray suddenly felt like a caged animal as the clock, reading 9:30am, laughed at him. This was special, a night to remember. He thought of something, although he didn't know how he was going to pull it off. Still, somehow, he was going to make it to that jeweler's before they closed. He pulled the card out of his desk which Ana had given him months ago, when the investigation on the murdered girl had just started and before Ben learned how he truly felt. He had Ana to thank for that, for saying to Ben what he never could've ...and for this. The item in question, which he had gone by to check out several times, now seemed more than appropriate than ever. He thought of Ana's dark eyes, the darkest he'd ever seen on anyone, her long, straight black hair flowing down around her face. It no longer gave him chills to think of it, the thought warming him instead.

"Thanks, Ana. For everything."

Ray lightly rapped his knuckles on Ben's door. He was nervous as Hell, although he wasn't sure why. This wasn't all that much different than what they'd done before, but this seemed extra special. Tonight would be a final step, so to speak. There were many things they still hadn't done yet, but this was another barrier to be broken, a level for Ben and he to accept and discover. Ray was humbled and felt an odd sense of honor to be his partner in this, despite his own lack of experience. He had, in the last few months, done enough self-exploration, reading and experimenting to know what he wanted. It was his concern, however, as to whether that would mesh with Ben's wishes. Ben cracked the door and Ray caught the scent of the Great Outdoors.

"Hello, Ray."

"Benny."

He let him in. There were candles all around. Pine and forest-scented candles.

"Benny, it smells great in here! Where did you get those candles?"

"I made them."

"Of course you did."

Ray was going to go into a tangent about the ingredients and just *how* were they made, but the sight before him made him lose all thought. A large bed, complete with jade satin sheets, had taken the place of Ben's cot. There were more of the same exotic flowers Ben had sent Ray spread all around, including the bed. Soft music played in the background.

"...Jesus." was all Ray could say.

He turned to face Ben, who stood nervously by.

"Do you like it, Ray? I mean, I wasn't sure about the sheets. When I purchased the bed, the girl at the department store insisted I buy them for 'that special someone in my life'. Funny, though, she wasn't too pleased when I said that was a good idea."

All Ray could do was turn in a circle, taking it all in and stare at him, mouth agape. Ben started to worry.

"Ray?"

"What? I mean...uh, is this all for *me*!?"

"For us..." Ben corrected, as he came closer. "Is something wrong?"

A smile slowly spread over Ray's face, still in shock.

"No, this is...*great*! It's excellent! This is unbelievable, Benny!"

Ray was shocked at Benny's, dare he say, ability at interior decorating. By now, he was laughing. "I must admit, that's a nice touch, matching the sheets with the candles." Ben blushed.

"What?" Ray asked, puzzled.

"The...bedding wasn't suppose to match the *candles*, Ray." he jokingly admonished.

"What, then?"

"Well, I know I like the forest. But what *else* do I love that's green?"

It took a minute, but soon, Ray's eyes, his forest-green eyes, lit up beautifully. He tried his best to not act touched. It didn't work.

"Benny, I...don't know what to say." his said, his voice cracking.

"What you have already is enough, love." Ben whispered as he enveloped him. They engaged in a long, deep kiss. Once they parted, Ben asked, "Are you hungry?"

"You've got to be kidding! Uh, no, Benny. Whatever you have, lets eat later, okay? I'm a bit anxious, if you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I can see that. Come on."

Ben started to pull him to toward the bed.

"Wait. Do you think you're gonna' get away that easily? Have me come in here and surprise me with all this and have me leave you with nothing? Just what kind of person do you think I am?"

"I hardly think what we're about to do is nothing, Ray. Besides, I don't expect anything in return for this."

"Well, you're gonna' get something."

With that, Ray pulled out a box, not very big, with the logo of a jeweler on top. Stunned, Ben looked from him to the box and back again.

"For crying out loud, it's not gonna' bite you, Benny! Take it!"

Ray proceeded to shove the box into Ben's hand and turned slightly away, embarrassed.

"This...is for me, Ray? I can't...take this."

"Benny, you don't even know what it is! Open it."

Ben did so, his hands shaking. Inside, once revealed, was a thin pewter and silver bracelet. The center was encircled by small Marcasite stones and harbored a small panther in a relaxed position, it's incandescent emerald eyes holding Ben hostage. No, not hostage. Sheltered, protected. He was overwhelmed.

"Did you see the inscription?" mumbled Ray, trying to not sound eager.

"Yes." Ben's voice was quiet. He knew he shouldn't speak or he'd lose it. In his mind, the entire apartment suddenly paled in comparison to Ray's efforts.

Inside the tiny rim, it read, **'B.F. & R.V. For forever.'**

After a minute, Ray finally said, "Well, do ya' like it or not? Someone...once told me I look like a panther. I don't know...I kinda' liked that. The panther is made of the stone hematite, also known as-"

"Black ice." Ben interrupted.

"Yeah, well, when I saw that, I just thought...ah, jeez, Benny, if you don't want it, I can -"

"No, wait." Ben said harshly, never looking away from the item in question. He could barely speak. "I...love it."

"Come on, hasn't anyone ever gave you something like this?"

"No." was the answer again.

"Hey," Ray said softly, coming closer, his arms slipping around his partner. Ben couldn't take it. He let the tears fall.

"You're crying?!" Ray was shocked, but immediately regretted his outburst. "Oh, Hell, Benny. Here." He reached him his handkerchief.

"Thanks."

"Let me."

Ray took the bracelet from him and snapped it in place on Ben's right wrist. It was a perfect fit. Ben took Ray in his arms and they began to slowly dance to the low music. The dark feline caught Ben's eye when he moved his arm to hold Ray tighter.

"Once I believed," Ben whispered, "before you, I saw my life only in black and white. I see now there is also beauty in a dozen shades of gray. Thank you, Ray, for everything."

"Benny, if you don't be quiet, *I'm* gonna' start cryin' soon, and that's not a pretty sight."

Ben laughed a little. "Now, come here."

Together, they went to the bed. Ray started to undress Ben slowly, starting with the lanyard, then the tunic. Ben smiled at how adept Ray had become at removing his uniform. Ben undid Ray's tie and slipped off his jacket. Ray respectfully hung Ben's tunic on the nearby chair and Ben responded by placing his Armani jacket over it. Slowly, they undressed one another, items of clothing dropping at various intervals. Once they were just in their boxers, Ben gave Ray a long look and never once breaking the gaze, he lowered Ray's underwear and then his. Tentatively, they embraced, each feeling the want of the other pressed close together.

"Oh, god, Benny." Ray whispered.

Ben loved the way Ray trusted him, opened himself up so completely. The knowledge of what they were about to do both delighted him and made him slightly nervous, but none-the-less eager. His arms slipped around Ray and felt him up, with Ray moaning. They met in a deep kiss, Ben never ceasing in his exploration of this man he loved so much. He sucked at his neck gently, mixing in sweet kisses. He felt his erection began to throb as Ray reached between them and curl his slender fingers around the shaft. He began to working it, pulling back the foreskin, then pulling it up over the head and milked it. Ben shuddered, reveling in the sensation, the erotic sounds so loud. He swore he'd *never* get tired of that. He laid back his head, eyes closed, gasping.

"You are so beautiful when you're excited." Ray whispered.

Not moving, Ben responded, "So are you."

Ray began trailing kisses down his chest to his nipples, which he lapped at thoroughly. Ben began to tremble. He reached down to take Ray's stiffness in his hand.

"No, no, baby. I'll get mine later. This is your time...to shine."

Ray smiled and Ben's heart fluttered. He laughed again, as Ray's hand drove him crazy. His legs began to feel weak, but before he could speak, Ray was lightly pushing him back onto the bed. The Italian got on top and kissed him again, his mouth seeking out all it could find. With newly-found determination, little licks and kisses coated his chest, then stomach; so willing, so needful to please, it soon had Ben panting in anticipation. A strong sucking on his nipples jarred him out of his trance. He found the back of his lover's head and pressed him closer. Ray straddled his thighs, feeling of his chest. Ben delighted in the touch of their hardness once again touching. Ben reached down and pressed their cocks together, loving the feeling as he thrust against his best friend. Ray abandoned his task momentarily, joining in the fun. Their cries and moan increased the arousal of the other. Ben couldn't help himself. He took hold of Ray's hand, licked it, causing the detective to go crossed-eyed, just before he resumed his action.

"Oh, god, Benny...don't do that!" Ray pleaded.

"Why, Ray?"

Ray could tell he wasn't truly listening. He took his hand away and held it.

"Because I want to make this last."

He then started to lick on Ben's hand, then suckling a finger, as he had weeks ago. Ben gasped, literally moaning in utter desperation.

"Well, at least I know what to do to get you to stop." Ray teased.

Ray leaned to kiss him, when Ben seized him and rolled them completely over. Ben on top, he also sucked and kissed everywhere he could find, until Ray began playing with his nipples. Ben noticed satin complimented his partner's olive complexion well. Ben bucked up, as a warm and invasive hand cupped his balls, which were wet with sweat. Paralyzed, Ben absorbed the sensation, until the tremors came. They doubled when Ray used his free his to continue to jack him. He laid back his head and let his mouth hang open. He now knew why people felt like crying, and laughing, sometimes at the same time, during sex.

"Yeah, that's it, love. You like that?"

Ray's words invaded his mind, blending with his own ribald thoughts. Oh god, he *loved* it...and craved more. A finger lightly pinched his nipple.

"Ray...more."

It was not a request.

Ray raised up, grabbed him and flipped him over. He began downward again, kissing and sucking. Suddenly, he realized Ray wasn't stopping. He kept going until he was licking the pre-cum off Ben's stomach. A thin, glistening thread stretched from his tongue to Ben's wiry patch. Feeling his rough moistness so close, Ben felt faint, his hardness jerking at the thought. He looked down at Ray, who was in his own world, dedicated in his efforts. Ben's eyes fluttered back in his head. Oh, god, he wanted this! He didn't care about anything, just this moment. Ray lined his pubic hairs with kisses, licking at various points, causing chills in Ben. Ben was starting to arch his hips off the bed. He kept his eyes shut, but Ray's attention to every place but one was starting to get to him. His breathing erratic, his body taut, he was losing his control. He knew that was the point, but he didn't think it'd be this difficult. A strange, wet stimulation in an odd location disrupted his thoughts. Especially when Ray licked his ass again, then his finger and proceeded to slide it gently inside him. It shredded any restraint, and reason, left in him. Ben bucked off the bed, sitting up, jolts shooting through him. Ray gave the shaft a good, long lick. Ben fell back, his only response a definite quivering of his limbs.

"Trust me, baby."

He needn't have worried. Ben had presently forgotten how to talk or move.

"I'm gonna' show you what *every* man should feel at least once in his life. Just relax."

He positioned himself squarely between Ben's legs for easy access. He slowly worked in and out of Ben, as he pulled back the foreskin, but avoided the sensitive head. He exposed the entire length and began to reign licks and kisses all over it. He licked up the sides, the back and underside. He began jacking it with deliberate slowness, as he burrowed his way under Ben's balls, sucking and licking the area in time with his stroking. Ben was suddenly aware he'd been gripping onto the satin for dear life. It caused his body to shake uncontrollably. He was panting furiously. He'd *never* felt such intense pleasure. Tears pooled in his eyes.

"Ray...please," he pleaded, his voice almost absent of baritone, "please...more!"

"What do you need, Benny? You need...*this*?"

With that, Ray circled his finger upward, caressing the gland within. Colors exploded before Ben's eyes and he heard someone yell. He fell back onto the bed, the tears falling, without the memory of raising up, but knew the yell came from him. His blood coursed in him like a silver fire. He was beyond dignity, exposed completely to his lover in his raw need.

"Oh, god, oh god...Ray, please..."

He heard a small laugh from his lover.

"I knew you'd like that."

Without warning, he did it again. Adrenaline pumped through his heart, reducing Ben to begging.

"God, Ray, please!" His voice dropped to a whisper, but was still high-pitched. "Help me, I beg you, please. . ."

Ray had to remember how to move this time, seeing his effect on his partner. Ben was out of control; flying, shining and utterly beautiful. He was in Ray's control and it made the Italian dizzy with lust. Ray licked all around the head, taking it into his mouth. It took all his restraint, but he made it last by taking all the time in the world to do so, still massaging his prostate. He squirmed under Ray, his voice a whimper. His head was back, his eyes large and dark, as he went insane.

"Faster, Ray...please..."

Surprisingly, Ray complied, working Ben into a frenzy. Someone was speaking to him, soft words he could barely hear.

"Touch yourself, Benny, just for a while. I want to see you."

He couldn't argue, he was so out of it. He took his stiff member, wildly jacking it. When Ray resumed his attentions to the underside of his balls, he knew either he would come, pass out or both. A warm tongue bathed his ass, teasing his balls and sucked on that hot zone just under them, leaving it glazed over with his moist touch. A small cramp settled in his right thigh and he nearly stopped, until Ray took his cock away and into his mouth, drinking in the copious amounts of clear juice. He sucked off all the precum, providing generous attention to his dick, making Ben lose all coherent thought. All thinking banished, the only presence he could detect was the exquisite pleasure and *Ray*. The dopamine and endorphin mix made him soar even higher. One last swipe of his inner gland and he let it all go. He shot *hard*, harder than ever before, it spewing out in stream after stream, as the world growing dim around him. Ray was ready, swallowing greedily. Ben could feel the closing of his throat at the very tip of his cockhead, as he gulped it down. Ray withdrew his finger, but lightly fondled his softening balls as a final boost. After a while, Ray crawled up to him, too wiped out to speak. He laid there thinking was that really him who just went totally nuts in getting his partner off? He had, he reasoned, waited months for this, so it was not a huge shock he went all out. Ben's thigh was no longer sore, but he did feel unbelievably embarrassed. Never had he begged so much or had been so desperate. No one had ever made him give it up like that. Most of all, he didn't know how to convey this to Ray.

"Hey." he heard Ray call.

He didn't, no, couldn't answer. Confused, he felt the tears rising.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Ray cooed, seeing his expression. He took him in his arms and held him. "Yes, I know, let it out, come on..."

It was all the permission he needed. He sobbed deeply, pouring out all his emotion, now feeling humiliated. Ray just held him.

"It's okay, I understand. Go ahead, it's all right."

"How...can...you, Ray...when I...don't?" he managed to get out.

"This makes you highly vulnerable, Benny. You haven't experienced something like this so deeply before, have you?"

In essence, Ray had just asked him had he ever made love before. There had been relationships he thought was it the real thing and great sex to go along with it. And, of course, there was *her,* but all of that... paled starkly in comparison.

"No, I haven't."

"I got to see you surrender. I brought you to that point. That's very unnerving the first few times it happens. You'll get used to it, though. It'll get easier, I promise."

Ben found himself shaking at Ray's words, even though he had stopped crying.

"Hold me, Ray."

"I'm here, Benny, just calm down."

Ben breathed deeply for a while, his emotions finally settling themselves. He was moved that Ray was so understanding of his outburst. He wrapped his arms around Ray and kissed him.

"What do you want, love?"

Ray could've suggested cartwheels during intercourse and he would've agreed. But, Ray didn't say anything. Ben concluded it was *he* who was now hesitant to open up.

"Come on, Ray. What?"

"The same thing, Benny. Only if you want to, of course."

Ben kissed him and began to repeat his pattern downward. Ben could taste the sweat on Ray's skin. He got to a chestnut-brown nipple and lapped at it, before nipping and sucking it, feeling it peak between his lips. He was listening to Ray's sighs and moans, which encouraged him. He glided his tongue over flat abs, in and out of his navel, causing his friend to buck his hips. Clear fluid gathered just above his dark hairs, adding to the sheen of his skin. It was at that point Ben honestly appreciated the ethnicity of his lover. His complexion was a warm hue. It served as a backdrop to highlight the richly deeper tones. He wasn't pale or devoid of color, like Ben himself. The darkened, large cock demanding attention was even more beautiful, obviously another advantage of his Mediterranean background. Ben was suddenly insecure about his ability to do this, seeing his lack of skill. He looked up at Ray, so trusting, so ready. That's when Ben simply let go and allowed himself to just feel his way. He nuzzled close to Ray's groin and smelled deeply of him. He was surprised at how good the warmth of his balls felt against his cheek. He let the straining erection caress his face, delighting in the stickiness it left in it's wake. He kissed it delicately at first, hearing Ray's sharp intake of breath. So he did it again, letting his tongue drift out a like to accompany his lips. He drifted to the head, letting his tongue slide across the slit. The taste registered, the salty tange lingering in his mouth. The concentration was thick and rich, causing him to shudder deeply. Ray tasted delicious! Ray was already panting, his eyes closed and his head back. Still, Ben wondered who was going to give in first at this rate. He quickly took to his tightly drawn up sac, swiping it with long strokes of his tongue, drawing most of it into his mouth, combining sweat and saliva. The heady smell intoxicated him, as did Ray's plea's for more.

"Oh, yes, Benny, don't stop, please!"

He was gently, but thoroughly, licking from all angles repeatedly. Finally, his kissed back up the shaft, moaning deeply as he took the hardened rod into his mouth. He worked his tongue over it, applying the suction as secondary, then incorporated the two. Ray bucked, only his feet and shoulders still making contact with the bed. Ben knew he was the heavier one, so he forced him back down. He took to stimulating the head with torturous licks and teasing it with suction on the sides.

"Oh, god, Benny, what *are* you doing?! Trying to kill me?"

"Trying to make it last, Ray. Isn't that what you did for me?"

Benny being sarcastic was the last thing Ray wanted or needed and Ben knew it. He silenced him, however, by nearly devouring him whole. He let his head bob up and down, providing the appropriate heat and vacuum to drive Ray out of his mind. He knew he was close when Ray began imploring him to continue, his voice lacking all bass.

"Benny...please...I need, *oh, hell*..."

Ben rubbed his stomach to soothe him and readied himself to bring Ray over the edge. His tongue slithered around the shaft and head. Ray arched his hips, nearly sitting up. Ben eased him down, resuming the steady sucking. He was writhing under Ben, his hand now tangled in Ben's hair. Ben came up and clasped his hand around the shaft, and lavished the mushroomed-tip with attention. Ben heard Ray laugh, which made him smile. He began to thrust his hips uncontrollably. Ben gave in and allowed him to pump into his mouth freely. Ray's body went rigid and Ben knew it was time. He licked his finger and slid it past the tight ring.

"What do you need, Ray? You need...this?"

His lover actually threw Ben almost completely off of him. Still, Ben managed to take Ray into his mouth and time the stroking of that bundle of nerves with his oral ministrations. Ray suppressed a scream, barely succeeding. Ben gripped the covers, displaying his anticipation for his salty protein-rich reward. The pleasure he felt was shocking and exhilarating. It shot, hitting the roof of his mouth, then his cheek repeatedly and finally his tongue. He let it slide down his throat, trembling at the intensity and intimacy. Was it possible to have a mental orgasm? He now believed so. Ray was almost unconscious by now, when he felt Ben cuddle up beside him.

"Liar." Ray mumbled.

"What, Ray?"

Panting heavily, Ray said, "I refuse to believe that's your first time."

"Yes, Ray, it was. I just have a good knowledge of human sexuality and how to apply that to-"

"Benny, shut up."

"Yes, Ray."

The two men turned down the covers and readied themselves for sleep.

"I gotta' stop by Ana's tomorrow." said Ray.

"For what?"

"To say 'thank you'."

"Yeah..." Ben smiled at the thought of seeing her face at how had he changed - if only a *bit*. He knew she'd be happy for the both of them.

"I think I will as well, Ray."