by Kass
Author's website: http://www.trickster.org/kass/
Disclaimer: Boys are theirs, words are mine.
Author's Notes: Written in response to the documentation challenge at the lj community ds_flashfiction. Thanks to Sihaya Black and to Resonant for beta.
Story Notes:
To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 01:17:26
Fraser,
What the hell was that about?
Are you okay? It's not like you to leave that fast.
What's going on?
-R
To: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
From: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
Date: 13 June, 1998
Time: 01:22:34
Ray,
I appreciate your concern. Everything is perfectly fine. My apologies for any inconvenience my departure may have caused you.
I'll see you Monday.
To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 01:31:24
Maybe you didn't notice, but I didn't ask how "everything" was.
Inconvenience my ass. I'm just worried I said something to upset you?
To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 01:45:52
Fraser? Did you get my last email?
I'd call, but I'd wake the whole Consulate. Plus probably nothing's wrong, maybe you shut off your computer and went to sleep, but for some reason I'm thinking that's not it.
Are you okay?
To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: rvecchio@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 02:01:03
Maybe my Kowalski account isn't working right. I'll use this one. I'm supposed to anyway, it's just a pain in the ass to get into it from home.
Are you getting my messages? What is going on? Are you okay?
To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: rvecchio@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 02:10:42
Okay, I'm coming over there to check on you.
To: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us, rvecchio@pd.chi.il.us
From: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
Date: 13 June, 1998
Time: 02:11:07
Ray, please, don't. I appreciate your concern, but your coming here would be counterproductive.
To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 02:12:33
Ha! I knew you were awake.
Fraser, seriously. Tell me what it is. I don't know what's freaking you out, but it's bound to look worse because you're alone. Believe me, I know all about the two-in-the-morning-alone screaming meemies. Please? It's not like you to act like this.
To: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
From: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
Date: 13 June, 1998
Time: 02:15:02
> Please? It's not like you to act like this.
That's the second time you've said as much, Ray, and that's precisely my concern: I'm not convinced you know what you're talking about. How do you know what's "like me"? What if you're wrong? What if I'm crazy, or completely different from the person you think you know?
It isn't that simple.
To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 02:20:01
You're not crazy. Not in the bad way, anyway. Trust me on that.
And think about who you're talking to. If anybody in the world knows what it's like to be one guy on the outside, another guy on the inside, that would be me.
Besides. Maybe I'm more than you know about, too. Being Vecchio and Kowalski ain't the half of it.
Now I sound like one of those Russian doll thingies. (Bet that made you laugh. See? I know you better than you think.)
So what's inside the shell?
To: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
From: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
Date: 13 June, 1998
Time: 02:26:02
They're called Matryoshka dolls. And yes, you did make me chuckle. Thank you.
Regarding my own shell...
What would you say if I told you my inclinations may not lie along the axis you've undoubtedly assumed? That what sent me from your apartment was your query about whether I imagined myself marrying? No doubt you've heard about my unhappy liaison with Victoria Metcalfe, but I never had time to fantasize a life with her. Our time together was too short, and too whirlwind; to this day I cannot imagine achieving the kind of easy, familiar comfort with her that a marriage would require. Would, indeed, depend on.
The answer to your question, however belated, is a kind of yes. I have imagined, from time to time, sharing my path with someone in committed companionship. But I doubt that marriage will ever be a possibility for me.
Am I being too oblique?
To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 02:29:04
> What would you say if I told you my inclinations may not lie along the axis you've undoubtedly assumed?
Me too.
To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 02:29:47
> Am I being too oblique?
Not unless I'm reading you wrong, in which case I'm going to feel pretty stupid.
To: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
From: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
Date: 13 June, 1998
Time: 02:34:20
>> What would you say if I told you my inclinations may not lie along the axis you've undoubtedly assumed?
> Me too.
Ray, what are you saying?
Perhaps I should volley your question back to you. Have you ever imagined yourself marrying again?
To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 02:41:46
> Have you ever imagined yourself marrying again?
Yes.
> Ray, what are you saying?
You go for blonds?
To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 02:50:04
Damn it, Fraser, now is not the time to get cagey. I just laid everything on the line. If I misunderstood, or I'm not your type, fine, but you gotta say so.
Like, now. Before I have a coronary.
To: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
From: skowalski@pd.chi.il.us
Date: June 13, 1998
Time: 02:54:47
Damn it. How did I fuck this up?
I thought I had you figured out. I thought I knew what you were saying. I thought you couldn't say it, you needed me to push a little.
You're not answering your email. So I'm guessing I thought wrong.
Fraser, I'm so sorry. Please write back.
To: rvecchio@pd.chi.il.us
From: bfraser@chicago.consulate.ca
Date: 15 June, 1998
Time: 09:03:37
Dear Ray,
I just checked email again and, of course, found your queue of unanswered messages. Again, my sincerest apologies for leaving you hanging.
I would have assuaged your fears sooner, but even in this unsleeping city it takes some time to track down a taxicab at that hour, and of course there was the travel time to your apartment. You know this already, but it seemed only proper to reply to your e-mail in kind.
Your suggestion that the travel time could be effectively erased were I to make a habit of staying over is an intriguing one. Perhaps we should try it, to ensure the arrangement is mutually satisfactory?
As you say, practice can only make perfect.
Though, truth be told, I thought the weekend was quite close, even without the practice. Yet.
Yours,
(1073 words)
End Hanging by Kass: kass@trickster.org
Author and story notes above.