How it all began... Once upon a time, in a land called Scuttlebutts, the conversation turned, as it often does, to Skinner. In particular, the Skinman's Swimmers. Specifically, a number of theories were proposed as to how, when, where, etc., one of the AD's little guys got hooked up with one of the Red-haired goddess's eggs. The ensuing conversation turned hilarious, with various Scubbies sharing new tag lines, and revised quotes from the show. Enjoy! Revised Quotes Created by changing just one word to "sperm". By Judi Scully: The sperm is there you just have to know where to look for it. Mulder: That's why they put the "I" in FBI. Mulder: Is there any way I can quickly get this sperm off my hands without betraying my cool exterior? Mulder: No body down here but the FBI´s most unwanted sperm donor. Skinner: There´s only one thing that I can do agent Mulder, as if right now I´m reopening the X-Files Sperm Bank, that´s what they fear the most: My deposits. Mulder: "Well that's good. I didn't want to have to tell Skinner, that his murder suspect was a giant blood sucking sperm !" Scully: So you've been seeing elves all your life? Mulder: No, in my case Little Green Sperm. Skinner: Tell me what happened at the hospital last night. Mulder: Are you referring to the sperm found in the cafeteria jello? Skinner: So what you're saying, Agent Scully, is we're being tagged, catalogued and inseminated? Well Manicured Man: You fool, you stupid fool. Sperm must be collected, it must be handled. Cancer Man: Well of course it can be. I think you know my capabilities in a crisis. Well Manicured Man: I don't think you realize what's at stake here, what level this will be carried to. This collection will take more than just a good aim. Skinner: You wouldn't be lying to me now, would you Agent Scully? Scully: Sir, I expect you to place the same amount of sperm in me as I do in you. Frohike: Byers, I swear to god I'll shoot you myself. Byers: It's all true what Suzanne said about you, isn't it? About John Fitzgerald Kennedy, Dallas? X: I heard it was a lone sperm. Skinner: This is where you pucker up and kiss my sperm! By Julie Scully: Don't ask too many questions. I don't care what you do or who you do or who you have to grease, I need that sperm and I need it now. Are we clear on that? Mulder: Wait. Listen to me. This sperm's been caught in something called the devil's triangle. It's some kind of time warp-- a rift in space. 1939 Scully: Are you crazy? Mulder: You know Einstein, right? He predicts the theoretical possibility. He also predicts an atomic weapon that will destroy the world. Sergeant Duthie: We've been to this house before. The lady has a history of medication. Know what I mean? Mulder: Yeah, maybe, but she's not the only one seeing sperm. There's been half a dozen such sightings in this area in the past 60 days. Were you aware of that? Also, these sightings only occur on nights when there's a full moon which tells me something. Scully: Look, Mulder, you want to talk about sperm to me you can knock yourself out. I may not agree with you but at least I'm not going to hold it against you but this... Mulder, this could ruin your career. Mulder: (laughing) What career? Scully, I appreciate it. You don't want me looking foolish. I do. I appreciate that. Scully: I don't want me looking foolish, Mulder. Scully: Well, there is a psychological fixation called spermatodipsia which causes the sufferer to gain erotic satisfaction from consuming human sperm. Hartwell: Erotic. Yeah...You really know your stuff, Dana. Alternative Tag Lines Real tag lines - Alternative tag lines... By Julie APOLOGY IS POLICY DEATHLESS SPERM IS POLICY EVERYTHING DIES EVERYTHING DIES EXCEPT SKINNER'S SPERM BELEIVE THE LIE BELEIVE THE PREGNANCY TEST ALL LIES LEAD TO THE TRUTH ALL SKINNER'S SWIMMERS LEAD TO SCULLY'S EGGS DECEIVE, INVEIGLE, OBFUSCATE CONVEIVE, GET BIG, HAVE BABY WALTER IN THE BIG INNING THE BIG OUTTING (what will happen to Scully's belly button by the 8th month) Or: THE BIG SWIMMING Taglines Redux II By Judi 01x23 The Erlenmeyer Flask: "TRUST NO SPERM" 02x06 Ascension: "DENY EVERY SPERM" 03x25 Anasazi: "ÉÍ 'AANÍÍGÓÓ 'SPERM'É" 03x10 731: "SPERM IS POLICY" 04x01 Herrenvolk: "EVERY SPERM DIES" 04x04 Teliko: "DECEIVE, INSEMINATE, OBFUSCATE" 04x10 Terma: "E PUR SPERM MOUVE" 04x24 Gethsamane: "BELEIVE THE SPERM" 05x02 Redux "ALL LIES LEAD TO THE SPERM" 05x14 The Red and the Black "RESIST OR IMPREGNATE" 05x20 The End "THE TAIL" (Get it? :) 06x03 Triangle "DIE WAHRHEIT IST DAS SPERMEN DA DRAUSSEN" 06x19 The Unnatural "IN THE BIG (Fallopian Tube) SWIMMING" 07x02 Amor Fati "AMOR SPERMI" (Translate: I love Sperm)   Just for fun! My Pet Sperm http://www.mypetsperm.com/

Last Updated 7-July-2000