In The Spring by Legion

The decision to die was made quickly, almost instinctively, and without the pain he had always thought would come with it. It was just what had to be at the time. He had known the chances of their surviving the flash flood at all were very slim; only his Sentinel hearing had given Simon, Daryl and Blair that much.

At first he hadn't recognized the roar he had heard under the sounds of the trout stream; in fact, had hardly heard it at all through the laughter from Simon and himself as Sandburg talked Daryl into trying his fishing spear. But the roar increased, like a tornado coming down the narrow, high walled channel, and he remembered the rangers talking about the heavy rains in the mountains. Dropping his rod, he scanned the terrain, seeing it for the trap it was, and finding the only way out - a dead tree leaning against a rock out-cropping.

Jim had grabbed Simon, pointed toward the improvisable ladder and yelled, "Get out of here, NOW!" And Simon had just gone, calling ahead to his son to run, run. Daryl had hesitated, but Blair, seeing the older men coming at break-neck speed over the rocks, had simply yelled, "Where?" while catching the teen’s arm and pulling him along.

The roar of the oncoming flood had become loud enough for anyone to hear, and the height of the stream was rising quickly by the time the four of them met at the base of the tree. Blair had tried to skinny up it, but it was rotting and he couldn't get strong enough a purchase to make it as far as the first branch above the streambed.

As if rehearsed, the taller men turned face to face and linked crossed hands, making a step. Blair helped Daryl up, and with a boost, young man had scrambled onto a branch and begun making his way up, warning the others below that the branches were weak. Blair went next, then Simon - after they exchanged a glare - stepped into Jim's cupped hands and began his ascent.

By then the first flood surge had hit them, shaking their perch, drenching everyone. Like a surfer, Jim had taken advantage of the water to aid his leap, knowing hands would be there to catch and help him into position.

They only had 30 feet to climb, but the debris-filled waves of water were bouncing off the canyon walls, hitting them with the force of fire hoses. The branches crumbled under their weight and the shuddering of the trunk made handholds even more precarious.

Daryl made it to the top, and leaned over the rock face, holding out his hands and calling encouragement to those behind. Simon almost lost his hold, but snatched at Blair, catching one ankle. Blair wrapped both arms around the trunk, and held on until he felt a pat telling him Simon was on his way up again.

Blair started to move, but the raging water slammed against him each time he tried to shift his hands, making him stay where he was or risk being torn away. Waves rose high enough now to slap him in the face, making breathing hard, and he shook his head, trying to clear his eyes and catch a breath. Scraped, bruised hands shaking, he tried again to move up, and this time found himself sheltered by a larger body behind him, taking the brunt of the water.

Quickly he wiped water from his eyes, found his hold, and started to climb. The man behind him mirrored each move until they were about five feet from top. Then Jim became a brace, steadying Blair's climb from the shimmying of the tree as the flood eroded its footing on the streambed. Blair accepted the help, knowing he and Simon would be there to return the favor if Jim needed it.

And not knowing that a branch had snapped away completely under the abuse it had taken, causing Jim's right foot to smash through the trunk of the rotting tree, and catch on the crack.

If he stopped to free himself, Blair would be swept away or perhaps falter and fall. Or worse, he would stop climbing and come back down to try to help.

The decision was made, and he strengthened his stance against the dead tree and waist high water, doing what he could until Simon's out-stretched hand grabbed Blair and pulled him to the top. Only then did he try to save himself, scrunching down to fumble his boot off or work the foot out of the wedge.

Debris from the flood had continued to pound at them and their refuge all along, and, as Jim bent to work at the snare, a tree, torn free by the flood miles earlier, swept past. It caught Jim with its roots and slammed him into the dead fall, leaving him unconscious, head below the still rising surface of the water.
 
 

Blair turned in time to watch Jim duck beneath the water. He saw the tree coming, saw it hit even as he launched himself, yelling a warning. Simon caught him and dragged him to the ground.

"Human chain!" Simon shouted into his ear, and lay on top of the smaller man's legs, gripping tightly at Blair's belt. Blair shimmied belly down over the rock edge, and snatched at Jim. First swing missed, but the second caught the edge of the big man’s jacket. Blair pulled, got both hands in a good grip on the fabric, and pulled harder.

"He's stuck!" Blair screamed over the rush of the water. Simon responded by scooting them precariously farther over the rock. At that moment the dead tree lost its mooring. The combined motions of floating upwards to the surface and away with the current caused it to shake Ellison free. With a shout of triumph,

Blair hauled backwards, and Daryl snagged one of Jim's hands. The three of them pulled Ellison out of the water.

Once out, Simon took one look at the still rising flood, and hoisted Jim over his shoulder. They staggered uphill until Blair, checking back over his shoulder, decided they were far enough to be safe for the moment.

"Wait, wait - I don't think he's breathing. Simon, we gotta stop."

Exhausted, Banks half stumbled to a halt, trying not to drop Jim too hard. Simon prepared to begin compressions as Blair knelt by his partner's head, checking for a pulse, then bending to put his ear on the still chest. Heartbeat!

Quickly he moved up to Jim's open lips. No breath. He sat on his heels, tilted Jim's head back, and made sure the airway was clear. Saying prayers to every god he could think of and a few he made up, he sealed Jim mouth with his own and began to breath for him.

From a few feet away, Jim watched Blair and Simon work over his body. He felt an insubstantial bump at his hip, and he looked down into the fire-blue eyes of a black panther. Smiling absently, he reached down to scratch behind its ears, but looked over at his friends.

Gods, they were so beautiful, but then everything was now. It reminded him of when his Sentinel senses first kicked in, here in the states. But instead of colors and sounds being *painfully* clear, they had shining grace to them that made the clarity a joy.

The light illuminating them was threaded with gold, and the threads spun out and away, like a tenuous halo. Without thinking, Jim reached out and caught one of the strands streaming from Daryl, caressing it with tender fingers.

With a tiny shock of pain, the thread snapped, and bounded back to the boy, becoming a single tear winding its way down a dark cheek.

Alarmed, Jim moved to clear himself from the threads, only to have the big cat block him by standing behind him. //those are the connections of life the child has - to his father, to his friends, to *you*. when they break, there must be pain or sorrow//

//then if i leave with you....//

//there will be pain for those left behind. that is how it is, Sentinel, and it is not such a bad thing//

The peace Ellison had felt only moments ago wavered. //not such a bad thing?//

Coming to be beside him again, the panther sat on his haunches and butted against Jim's hand. //you are not so dense. pain gives us a measure for joy, teaches us to treasure what is dear, helps to keep travelers from making this journey too soon//

Complying with the unspoken request, Jim resumed his petting. //is it too soon for me?//

//that is your choice. you have done more than you were asked, endured more than required//

//and if i stay//

//there is always so much more.....// The cat let his thoughts trail, not quite promising, not quite warning.

Jim looked away from the small grouping in the forest, to the beckoning green of the jungle burning behind him. Peace, the exultation of running sure and free in a world where everything made sense and had its place, all the things he hated in this world not even a memory to distract him - he only had to step clear of the tapestry binding him.

Reluctantly he felt himself pulled back to watch his friends. He could hear Blair muttering between bouts of exhalations, "Don't you do this to me, Ellison, don't you dare, Jim, man, don't, don't." Simon worked silently to clear the lungs, his face grim. Daryl had sunk down, sitting with head bowed, waiting.

So beautiful!

What bound Simon and his son shimmered, danced with life, thinning here, rope strong there. Between Blair and the others, it was more tenuous, a new thing, but growing.

Between Blair and himself?

Every sense vibrated with the impact of what was Blair and himself. He tasted the golden radiance, heard its sweet scent, felt the true-toned chime of shared life fill his heart. Eyes closed to it, he could still see it, and knew that even as he ran in the jungle, it would be the light that guided his step until the time other footsteps fell with his.

That thought opened his eyes, and he *saw* the pain and desperation on Blair's face. //if just fearing the loss hurts so much, what will its reality do to him?//

The great beast sighed. //you have not claimed him?//

//i... have no dearer, more trusted friend//

//of course, he is your Guide. but you have not claimed him?//

Jim wanted to pretend that he did not understand or that his feelings were not that kind of love. But lies, even to oneself, were impossible just now. //it is not the way of our people, not our way, we believed. we avoided even thinking about it, were content with what was//

The panther regarded Jim steadily. //then, he will heal, though never quite whole again. and you will always run alone//

//NO NO NO// The denial was instant and complete. For a time, he could endure, but never have Blair beside him again? The world darkened, grew cold, and the panther's tail lashed, though whether in sympathy or anger, Jim could not tell.

Its thoughts were mild enough, though. //then you will return and seek completion?//

Hard sought, hard won discipline took over, and Jim forced himself to think. He looked at Blair, now frozen in tableau with the others. His jaw clenched so tight that his entire head hurt, but he asked //and if we had claimed one another? would he be beside me now, his unused years weighting him? or would he hurt until he could join me?//

The sleek animal purred its approval. //either, perhaps. or perhaps he will never accept your claim, if you do return. it is *his* choice, is it not?//

Jim nodded in acceptance, feeling light and warmth returning. //and i choose him, whatever choices he makes// He turned to look into the jungle one more time, feeling its pull, yearning for its calm. Resolutely, he turned his back to it, and went onto one knee by the animal, running a hand over its sleek flank. //if he runs ahead...//

Laughter rumbled, and the panther butted its head into Jim's chest. //then, Sentinel, you will have a merry chase, umm?// Joining in the play, he deliberately tugged on the beast's ears, wrestling a bit, then rested his chin on its head, in rough farewell.

He stood, found himself standing over Blair, looking down into his own face, confused for a second on how to return to the shell his partner clung to with such fear. Unthinkingly he reached for the younger man to offer comfort, and discovered unbearable weight on his hands, on his arms. The weight covered him, bore him down into darkness, but still he stubbornly reached, needing to reassure.
 
 

Blair rested his forehead against Jim's, a hand on either side of Jim's face, listening to Simon count. How long, how long had he been without oxygen? "Come on, Big Guy, come on! Breathe!"

A huge spasm shuddered through the still body, and the chest lifted. There was a deep cough, and Blair scrambled to turn Jim's head and support it while his lungs tried to clear themselves. "Easy, easy," Blair chanted.

An unsteady hand lifted, caught Blair's sleeve, and made a fist into the fabric. Though Jim didn’t totally regain consciousness on the hard trek back to the truck, he never released his hold.

The End