Chapter Two: Home Sweet Deathscythe
 

Duo looked with trepidation at the beaker of blue bubbling liquid in his hands.  The Doctors had *said* it was food, but somehow, he doubted it was anything he could actually digest without problems.  He sloshed it around a bit, watching the thick syrup slowly rise and fall against the glass.

“Wu-man,” he said, still swirling, “you wanna try?”

Wu Fei cracked open an eye from his meditation.  “Unlike you, Maxwell, I am not a slave to my stomach.”

“A guy’s gotta eat, and it’s been at least 8 hours since I did.”  He sighed.  “I guess it’s back to mission rations again.”  He flung the beaker over his shoulder.  “You’d think they’d have some real food in this joint.”

An odd noise behind him, like sizzling bacon attracted Duo’s attention.  He turned around to discover a large gaping hole behind him, a black spot marring an otherwise perfect blue surface.  There were no traces of the beaker.  Glad he followed his gut instincts, Duo peered down the blue-tinted darkness in a futile attempt to see bottom.  “Wu-man, what do you think that was?”

When silence was his only answer, Duo prodded the small Buddha on his shoulder.  “C’mon, talk to me!  Wu?  Wu!”   Sighing, Duo hung his head.  He was now officially bored.  Noin, sorry, Witch Noin, was busy shouting orders to the dwarven doctors surrounding his Deathscythe while they were trying to avoid her gun-wand’s barrel.  Nothing was getting done, except his old friend was now getting all sorts of little foot and handprints all over it.

“That’s it,” Duo rose, stretching.  “I’m going back over there.”  One thing he hated, was being ignored (except when he wanted to be ignored, such as when he was on an important mission and furtively running through tunnels with armfuls of TNT, but that was a completely different situation).  So, he grinned wickedly, let them try to ignore me.

He shoved his way through the throng of whitecoats to the center, where a dozen doctors were using a long iron stick to lift up Deathscythe’s foot.  “What’s going on?” Duo asked, managing to elbow his way towards Noin.

Noin glanced at him, then back at the straining old men.  “We’re trying to lift up that foot.  The body of the Witch of the East is underneath.”

“Oh-kay,” Duo drew out the word, brows lifted.  “You do know she’s gonna be dead, right?”

“Of course she’s dead,” Noin murmured, as if reassuring herself.  “We just have to retrieve something from the body.”

The large metal foot inched off the ground as the scientists strained to keep it aloft while Dr. J peeked into the shadows underneath.  One could never be quite sure of death when dealing with a witch.  “Helloooooo…?” He nervously called, body tensed to leap back.  When no answering fireball answered, he edged closer, flicking on his flashlight to inspect the ground.  A grin grew on his wrinkled face.

“The witch is dead!” Dr. J cried out triumphantly.  “Now, we scientists can get back to doing what we do best!”

“EXPERIMENTATION!!!” The cry echoed off every little blue house and boxed around in Duo’s ears for a while as the relieved doctors began celebrating the best way they knew how.

Blowing up their houses.

(Admittedly, only half of the scientists were in this group; the rest were either speaking in a language involving letters, numbers and symbols or grabbed what tools they could and resumed their “inspection” of Deathscythe.)

After a few homes were reduced to charred black spots on the formerly spotless blue countryside, Duo placed his hands behind his head bemusedly.  “I don’t get it.  They’re destroying their houses and *liking* it!”

“The poor Doctors were forbidden to practice science,” Noin explained.  “Here in OZ, magic is the source of most of our power.  But the Doctors have been able to gain power by the use of science.  The Witch of the East felt threatened by the Doctors new-found powers, so she banned them from practicing it, subjugating them to misery.”

“Yeah, but that still doesn’t explain why they’re destroying their homes.”

Exasperated, Noin rolled her eyes.  “Because they can do it without magic.”

“Hey, can I help?” Duo called out, violet eyes aglow.  Hell, if it was legal to blow things up, why not join the fun?

Noin coughed reprovingly in her hand.  “Great sorcerer, it isn’t dignified for you to be doing such things.”

“But it’s fun!  Right Wu-Fei?”

Noin gave him a Look, her wand-gun glinting in the blue sunlight.  Duo sighed, conceding.

“We should get the slippers,” she told Dr. J, who for some reason wasn’t joining in the thundering revelry of his comrades.

“Ah.”  Dr. J turned toward the elevated Gundam foot.  After a minute’s motionless silence, he turned back to Noin.  “I think you would be best suited for this, my lady.”

Rolling her eyes in exasperation, Noin bent down to retrieve the ruby slippers.  A hush washed over the doctors as even the ones involved in explosions paused to watch Noin take the ruby slippers.  Maniac smiles grew on their wrinkled faces as they gleefully watched the end of the reign of magic (in their part of the world).

The smell of smoke permeated the air.

Duo frowned.  It didn’t smell like the aftermath of any explosive device he knew.  Instead, it was a tangy, evilly sort of smell that had just the slightest trace of cinnamon.  He noticed the white coats slowly drifting away from him.  And quickly away from a presence behind him.

He slowly turned around.

Haloed by the white coats was a woman in black, hair yanked back from her forehead and twisted into braids at the nape of her neck.  The sun glinted over glasses, concealing her eyes for a second, giving her a more dangerous presence.  “Une!” he said, automatically assuming a defensive stance and reaching for his gun.  “Wha-?” he blurted as he patted his pants futility.  “Don’t tell me they took that too!  No gun, no food, what *is* this place?”

“Silent, boy,” Une commanded, head snapped rigid, “unless you want that tongue ripped from your skull.”

Duo frowned, weighing his options.  Here was a powerful witch that the Doctors were afraid of, who probably had more magic in her little finger than Duo had in his whole body.  All his assets were was his world-renowned fighting skills. Well, maybe not world-renowned, but excellent... okay, good fighting skills, and Wu Fei, who had world-renowned skill in martial arts, but was now six inches high and looked as dangerous as a fanged fuzzy bunny.  Still, one could always talk one’s way out of messes, particularly if one was Duo Maxwell.  “I...”

“You’ve found them?” Une snapped, brushing past him to confront Noin.  Duo fumed.  He had just killed the Wicked Witch of the East, so how come everyone kept *ignoring* him?

Noin slowly turned about, expression blank, holding a pair of ruby slippers.  “Your sister is dead.”

“I know.  That’s why I came here.”  Une stalked over to Noin, face as usual expressionless.  “Give them to me.”

Noin feigned innocence.  “I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about.”  The ruby slippers in her hand winked out of existence.

“The slippers,” Une’s eyes narrowed to slivers of blue hatred.  “Hand them over.”

“I would, Lady, but I haven’t got them.”  A smile ghosted on Noin’s lips as she indicated the bright red sparkly things now on Duo’s feet.  “They are right there.”

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?” Duo shrieked, looking down in horror to confirm it.  His ankle-high all-purpose black combat boots had changed to sparkling ruby boots that looked very uncomfortable to wear.  It goes without saying that they actually were.  “What’s going on here?  I don’t want these, I *liked* my old boots.  They were nice and comfortable and they at least matched my outfit!  What am I going to do in these?”  Blood rushed from his face as the ultimate horror came upon him.  “I look like a *girl!*”

His infallible warrior senses, which almost never lead him astray, screamed that there was a weapon pointed to his head.  He grinned savagely at Une.  “Look, lady.  I’ve just been deposited on a blue plain with some really short doctors, my Gundam isn’t working, and I’ve got ruby slippers on.  This clearly isn’t my day, and shooting me would just make it a lot worse.  So, why don’t you put that thing away before I get really upset?  And you don’t wanna see me really upset.”

“You see?” Noin almost smirked.  “You’ll have a great amount of difficulty getting them off.”

“He can’t fight if he’s dead,” Une insisted, cocking the backstop.

“You can’t use its magic if you take it by force,” Noin smugly reminded her.  “Perhaps you should be more... delicate.”

Une scowled darkly before removing the gun from Duo’s face.  “Very well.  You win, *this* time.  As for you,” she snapped her gaze back towards the young pilot.  “You just watch out.  I’ll see you punished, along with your tiny friend.”

Wu Fei bristled.  “Tiny?” he growled, cracking his large eyes open to slits of black anger.

Duo gave Une his most irritating grin.  “Looking forward to it!”

Une paused to give Noin a last glower before disappearing in an explosion of black smoke.

“She really knows how to make an exit, doesn’t she,” Duo coughed, waving the smoke away from his lungs.

“I apologize for getting you into this,” Noin said, contritely.  “But if the ruby slippers were to fall into her hands....”

“Why didn’t you just put ‘em on yourself?  You’re a witch.”

“I don’t want to be all that powerful.  I’m content with the magic I own now.”

“Makes sense, I guess. Hey, are these things really all that powerful?”

Noin hesitated.  “Yes, but...”

“Great!”  Duo prodded Wu Fei again.  “Guess what, buddy, we’re going home!  All I gotta do is click my heels three times, and ‘There’s no Place like Home’.”

“Are you sure you know how to use those?” Wu Fei looked skeptically at the twinkling boots.

 “Don’t worry, I’ve seen this movie a billion times!  I know what I’m doing!”  Duo closed his eyes and chanted, feeling the magic tickling through his toes, slowly creeping up his body to his brain. A glowing fuzzy feeling enveloped him for a second before he felt yanked into a basin of cold darkness, his eyelids gluing themselves together.  Time and space warped around him… or so it felt since his body seemed to be painlessly twisting into positions even a contortionist couldn’t accomplish.  After what seemed an eternity, he was dumped like a hot potato to land in Deathscythe’s padded seat.

“Home!”  Duo snapped open his eyes to piercing sunlight, framed by the open cockpit.  As his eyes readjusted to the sudden switch to glaring white light, he noticed the plain before him was still blue, though now spotted with black.  He shaded his eyes, looking towards the shadowed forms bordering the cockpit door, realizing that they were the faces of the diminutive doctors.  And they were angry.

“I’m supposed to be back!” Duo muttered, collapsing on the back of the chair.  “What the hell happened?”

“You wished to be home,” Wu Fei murmured, clinging to Duo’s shirtsleeve.  “Sit up!”

“Yeah, I know I wished to be home!  I....” Duo’s voice trailed off as he realized what those words meant.  What else was home to a vagabond Gundam pilot than his own Gundam?   “Oh.”

Duo climbed out for the second time, with lots of eager help from the scientists, and leaped down in front of Noin.  “You’re the lady with all the answers; how do I get back?”

“I don’t know, but the Grand General of OZ would know.  His name is Treize Khushurenada.”

Wu Fei perked up at this name.  “Treize?”

“He lives in the Emerald Fortress at the end of the yellow brick road.”  Noin gestured and magically a golden trail of bricks glimmered in the blue grass.

Duo felt a strong tug on his ear.  “We’re going, Maxwell.”

“Huh?”

“Go to the Emerald Fortress!”

“What about these?” Duo wailed, pointing miserably to the useless decorations on his feet.  “I can’t use ‘em, and I don’t really think I want to *walk* in them, they’re really uncomfortable, and they really clash with my outfit!”

Noin gave him the once over.  “You’re right.  But I can fix that...” She aimed her weapon and fired.

After the exploding fireworks before his eyes dissipated, Duo ventured a glance at his outfit.  Oh, God.  Not this!  “Plaid?!”  Duo cried as Wu Fei almost fell of his shoulder laughing.  His black priest’s outfit had been re-painted to a white and blue checker design, all the way down to his new ruby boots.  “I can’t wear this!  It’s in my contract to wear black, black, black, and black!  Occasionally off-black for contrast, but no blue!”

Noin raised an irritated brow.  “I can change it to pink if you like,” she threatened, pointing her wand.

“No!  No, blue’s good.  Blue’s very good.  I like blue.”  Duo sighed.  How come no one ever messed with Heero’s patented outfit?

“You... look... stupid!” Wu Fei managed to blurt out between giggles.

A mischievous gleam sparked in Duo’s eyes.  “Can you give us matching outfits?”

“What!” Wu Fei snapped to attention.  “You wouldn’t *dare*!”

“If you’re going to go to the Grand General,” Dr. J interrupted, “I would suggest departing immediately.  You do want to get back to your world soon, right lad?”

“What about Deathscythe?  I just can’t leave him here.”

“We’ll take good care of him, lad,” Dr. G prodded him towards the glittering golden road.  “You just go about seeing how to return home.”

Duo worried at his lip, regretfully sending a farewell glance to his trusted friend.  Already the scientists had broken out the special tools and pricks of varying light flashed on and off around Deathscythe.  Noin waved reassuringly at him as Drs. G and J waved him on.

“I guess we’re off then, eh, Wu-man?”

“Just go Maxwell.”

“Right, right,” Duo muttered, beginning to walk.  It had already started out as a bad day.

He had this nagging feeling it was going to get worse.
 
 
 

A hushed silence washed over the crowd of Doctors, who had paused in their celebrations to watch.  A prickling feeling something was wrong skittered down Duo’s neck as the tone of the prolonged silence slowly twisted from gleeful smugness to fear. The doctors were slowly widening the circle surrounding Deathscythe, nervously glancing at a presence behind him.