Title: Todokanu Omoi-My Friend's Love
Part: 3
Author: Snarf
E-mail: leetah4@juno.com
Rating: G-PG

DISCLAIMER: None of these characters are mine.  The Sailor Moon Gang belongs
to Takeuchi Naoko and whoever else owns them.

Here's the third installment.  ^_^  It's a little angsty, and it starts out
a little bit before the previous fic ended: when Taiki was leaving before
breakfast.  There are some author's notes at the end as well as the song,
which is still the inspiration.

I want to thank everyone who's e-mailed me with comments; your encouragement
really helps a writer's resolve!  ^_^  Oh, and my e-mail address has changed
to leetah4@juno.com so send comments and criticisms there.

This one's dedicated to Lana, the former Belldandy, for her encouragement
and for putting up with my weirdness.  ^_^  Merry Christmas sweetie!

Now, on to your regularly scheduled fic!

***********************************************

                                TODOKANU OMOI-MY FRIEND'S LOVE

                                        Chapter Three

Yaten fled up the stairs, barely acknowledging Taiki as he shuffled past,
not wanting to confront his tall friend.  A blush stained his cheeks as he
recalled what had taken place last night, something he regretted ever doing.
He managed to escape into the bathroom, locking out the outside world so he
could collect his thoughts.  "What am I doing?" he breathed to his
reflection, knowing it couldn't yield an answer.  "I can't be in love, can
I?"

Love.  It was a concept alien to him; something that humans craved so much
they dedicated a whole day to the notion.  Seiya had fallen prey to Cupid's
arrow, and look where it had led him.  He was depressed, his usual
cheerfulness undertoned with the agony he felt inside.  Seiya tried to hide
this, but he couldn't, to Yaten or Taiki, and especially not when he was
around that bubble headed girl at school.  Love had entangled him so much in
its web that Seiya had needed to return to Earth, even if he could never
have his feelings returned.  Yaten had never comprehended why, before.

Of course, love could be applied to the feelings he had for Seiya and Taiki,
no less strong than romantic love, but he had never ever wanted to kiss
either of them.

Kiss.

"Damn!" Yaten thudded his forehead against the mirror, guilt shooting
through his veins to congeal in his stomach.  /Why did I do that?/ he
berated himself, squeezing his eyes shut as though they would help dispel
the images of last night from his mind.  At the time it had felt
appropriate, as though both had wanted this one intimate moment together.

No, he had to have been wrong.  *He* had wanted it, not Ami; she was Taiki's
girlfriend.  The weight of the thought plummeted through his throat to stab
at his heart before anchoring in an empty stomach, settling with the guilt
he was harboring.

The fact that Taiki had started to date Ami wasn't all that surprising to
anyone.  They had more in common than anyone else he knew.  It seemed that
destiny had looped the red string around their fingers, entwining them in an
undeniable fate [1]; the same as Usagi and Mamoru.  In the beginning it had
been almost sweetly sickening to watch them depart from the house,
chattering about things Yaten didn't know or care about.  He had been happy
for them.

Because of their relationship, Ami frequented the house as much as they did,
inevitably becoming a part of their family.  At times Yaten saw her more
than he did Taiki.  Because she was Taiki's girlfriend, he had felt
obligated to speak to her rather than ignore her as he would have done any
other girl.  The conversations became more recurrent, and through talking to
her, Yaten was able to see her as not just another fan, but as a person.  A
person who had done what no one else had been able to do; pierce through the
protective shield guarding his heart to snuggle safely within.  Time and
familiarity ran its course until he had fallen hopelessly in love with her.
And she was Taiki's.

Out of all the people in the entire world, he had to have lost his heart to
*her*!  Why her?  It just wasn't fair.

"I'm just like Seiya, now," he murmured to his reflection, an ironic grin on
his face.  It was funny, really.  Yaten, the only person in the world who
defied love had been stabbed fiercely in the back with Cupid's dart.  The
one person who derided Seiya about his relationship with Usagi was now
experiencing the exact same thing.  It had to be a joke.

So why couldn't he laugh?

The eyes of the face in the mirror looked pitiful, hollowed with pain as
tears gathered dangerously around the edges.  "Look at you," he muttered.
"You're despicable.  Mooning over a girl that's your friend's love!"  He
covered the face with his hand, not wanting to see it any more.  No matter
how hard it hurt, he would just have to bear it.  Ami was Taiki's, he had
gotten to her first.

He had to live with it.

                        *                       *                       *

The entryways were crowded with students inserting outdoor shoes and
retrieving indoor shoes from the lockers.  Seiya and Yaten had walked the
path to school solemnly, their conversations clipped as both tried to avoid
the subject of anything having to do with the other Sailor Senshi.
Eventually, Seiya warmed up as he grew excited about his upcoming game with
a rival school, his speech becoming more animated.  Yaten endured patiently
the same speech Seiya made every time he had a game.

"I say Tomobiki will lose this time around," Seiya bragged, leaning
arrogantly on the lockers, allowing the light to strike his best form.
"Their team leader's a real whimp, but a good runner.  They've got this
weird cheerleader with green hair, though...[2]  You're coming, right?"

Yaten nodded noncomitticaly as he opened his locker door.  Letters covered
in hearts burst out, envelopes fluttering down to his feet in an effort to
escape the tight bulk still trapped within.  "Don't they ever learn?" Yaten
complained, irritatedly retrieving the fugitives before dragging the rest
out.

Seiya laughed, eyes sparkling.  "Looks like you're almost as popular as me.
I get about the same amount."

"Here." Yaten dumped the load in Seiya's arms.  "Now you have twice as
many."

"Yaten," Seiya began to protest, then sighed resignedly as his snow-haired
friend stalked away.

Yaten did not want to have to deal with those annoying letters today of all
days, reminders of that painful four-letter word.  And for some reason, he
didn't want to be around Seiya today either.  He was jerked out of his
brooding by someone calling his name, turning around to see Jiro Yamada, the
Anime Club President chasing him.  "Anything wrong?" Yaten greeted him, glad
for the distraction.

"We're *doomed!*" Jiro moaned, theatrically collapsing to his knees before
Yaten, who raised an eyebrow in response. Jiro was known for his
overreactions to things.  "Our budget is *shot!*  There's no more money
left!  How could this have happened?"

"What did you spend it on this time?"  Yaten snapped.

Jiro blinked, snapping quickly out of his gloom into a bright mood.  "Oh,
yeah!  We just bought the whole LD set of Martian Successor Nadesico [3]!
No wonder!"  Laughing, he stood.  "Now I remember!  I wanted to show them to
you!"

Yaten gave Jiro a look.  The president of the Anime club was known for such
mood swings as well as absent-mindedness.  In fact, given his emotional
imbalance, it was a wonder he ever became a president.  "Is that all?"

Gleefully, Jiro nodded, happy now that he realized where the money went off
to.  "Come on, we've got time for one episode before class starts.  You
should see the design for the ship."

The viewing ate away at the time until the hands on the clock reached eight
twenty five.  Yaten left a now content Jiro fawning over the second episode
as he headed to class, now and then informing his club-mates of their
president's present mood.  Taiki was in his seat already, nose buried in a
fat book about astronomy, most likely one that had to do with his upcoming
project.  Before he could look up, Yaten slumped into his seat, avoiding a
confrontation.  He didn't want to have to deal with Taiki again, ignoring
him was the best thing, for now.

Classmates shuffled inside in steady streams of chattering groups until most
of the seats had been filled by the time the teacher had meandered in.  As
usual, the seat next to Yaten was unoccupied.  He glanced towards the clock
as the second hand approached eight thirty.  Five seconds.  Four.  Three.
Two.

"We're here!  We're here!"  Two figures raced inside in a blonde flurry of
energy, barely beating the clock.  It never failed, except when they were
late.

Minako bounded jovially to her desk, a cheery expression plastered on her
sunny face as her companion, Usagi, worked on her coordination skills as she
fumbled towards her desk.  "Morning, Yaten!" Minako chirped, presenting him
with a wide sparkling grin.  "Hey, did you see that soap opera last night
called 'Days Tranquil and Lives Apart?"

Yaten shot her a scathing glare, which refused to pop her overeager bubble.
"No.  I don't watch that trash."

"Oh, neither do I!" Minako quickly contradicted, face scrunched in a
displeasing way.  "Usagi was just talking about it while we ran to school,
and she was saying that one of your old co-workers Yurika Misumaru [4] was
one of the stars and she said that you two used to go out, and we were
wondering..."

"I'd never go out with her," Yaten sneered, hoping the interruption would
put an end to her prattle.  "She's not my type."

Minako's smile grew wider, eyes glistening with newfound glee at Yaten's
admission.  "Really?" she squealed, the decibels on her high voice ranking
off the charts.  "Oh, I knew it!  Could it be your type has long blonde hair
with a great personality and..."

"Miss Aino!" The teacher sternly glowered at her, halting her speech.
"Class has started.  If you open your mouth again, you'll stand in the hall,
understood?"

"Yes," she demurred, to Yaten's relief.  That would keep her quiet for about
five minutes, ten if he was lucky.

Time ticked away, punctured by Minako's babbling, until lunchtime finally
rolled around.  Before Minako could yank out a convenient extra lunch, Yaten
abruptly stood and exited.  He didn't want to deal with either her or any of
his other classmates shoving their lunches in his face with the mistaken
idea that he would actually accept one.

Right outside the classroom, Ami stood, clutching her lunch apprehensively
to her chest.  Yaten swallowed through a dry mouth, his stomach suddenly
deciding to dislike him.  Frowning, he reminded himself he wasn't supposed
to even *think* that way about her.  Focusing his eyes more on the wall
behind her, he told her, "Taiki's still inside.  You'd better hurry before
he gets mobbed by the rest of the class."

"Oh," she breathed, clenching the bag at her chest even harder, eyes
averted.  Yaten heard the minute crack in her voice as she spoke, her eyes
bright with... tears?  He opened his mouth to ask what was wrong before
clamping it closed.  Whatever it was, it wasn't his business.  He had to
distance himself.  Now.

"Well, see ya," he brusquely muttered, yanking himself away from her.  He
hurried along the corridor, trying to keep his mind focused on buying lunch,
anything to stop thinking about her.  Her voice still haunted him, following
on his heels as he walked, something nagging at him that something wasn't
right with her.  He slapped it away.  She was fine.  After all, she had
Taiki, right?  What could go wrong?

                        *                       *                       *

"He what?" three disbelieving voices chorused as Ami finished her story.
Shocked, none of them could speak.

"Are you okay, Ami?" Usagi scrutinized her friend's face, worriedly.  She
herself knew what shock Ami was going through; being suddenly told you
aren't loved anymore.  Especially when there was no reason for it.

"Of course!" Ami bravely grinned, too-bright eyes watery with tears she
refused to shed.  "I'm fine.  It wouldn't have worked out anyway, we're
both-" she paused as she felt something trickle down her cheek.  Furiously
she wiped it away, "-both busy anyway, and..." her voice trembled too much
for her to continue, sobs clawing at her throat.

"Ami, if you're not okay, you can tell us," Makoto placed a reassuring hand
on her shoulder.

"How could he say those things?" Minako wondered.  "You two were so perfect
together!  Like two bees in one rod."

"Two peas in a pod," Ami couldn't help correcting, voice wavering as she
uttered the last word.  Her throat clenched tighter as she fought the new
onslaught of tears biting her eyes.

Usagi edged closer to her, attempting to surround her with a comforting aura
of understanding.  "Maybe he had a reason," she reassured Ami, trying to put
conviction into her voice.  "After all, when Mamo-chan broke up with me,
there was a really good reason for it."

A reason?  Ami thought back to last night, how she had entered the living
room and found Yaten on the couch.  Yaten!  A blush stained her cheeks as
she clapped her hands over her mouth, horrified at the implications.  Could
*that* have been the reason?

"What is it?" Minako asked, worry in her voice.

Deciding she couldn't hide it any longer, Ami told them what had been
occurring in her heart the last two months.  Her friends listened patiently,
hanging on her every word.

When she had finished, Minako sighed remorsefully.  "You're right, Ami," she
agreed.  "It's hard to decide between the two.  One has brains, the other
has personality, and they're both so *cute*!"  Her eyes grew larger, shining
as Usagi nodded enthusiastically in whole-hearted agreement beside her.
"And both of them like you!  I'm so jealous!"

She and Usagi mirrored each other's movements as they chorused, "I wish I
was Ami!"

Despite herself, Ami started to laugh, putting the tears away for the time
being.  "What about Seiya?" she asked.

"Seiya!" Stars twinkled in Minako's eyes as her mouth gaped open dreamily.
"He's one of the best-looking of the bunch!  They're all so handsome!  I'd
never be able to choose between any of them."

"You wouldn't," Makoto laughed.  "You'd date all three of them if you
could."

Everyone laughed as Minako flushed, recalling her previous two-timing
escapade [5].  As the laughter died down, Ami sobered.  "But I can't do
that.  And it isn't certain Yaten likes me, so..."

"Ami, you have to decide who *you* want," Makoto told her.  "You can't just
keep dating Taiki if you don't love him.  That isn't fair to either of you."

Ami nodded.  "But, I don't know, now.  I wish I did; everything would just
be so much easier."

"Maybe this break-up's for the best," Minako said.  "It'll give you some
time to decide which one you love, and who knows?  Your relationship with
Taiki just might be the stronger for it!"

"Minako's right," Usagi gave Ami a grin.  "You just use this time to think
things through, and we'll all stand behind you.  No matter what!"

Ami smiled, forgetting her torn heart for the moment as she basked in the
love of her friends.  "Thank you.  All of you."

                        *                       *                       *

Though Jiro had invited him to the "special viewing" of the Anime Club's
newest obsession, Yaten refused.  He felt much more like being alone rather
than surrounded by otaku jabbering about mecha, though they were usually
amusing.  He decided to eat outdoors alone, wallowing in his misery.  He
deserved to do at least that much.

A couple of girls were gossiping behind him as he headed for his usual spot,
giggling about some boy he didn't know.  He hoped they weren't following
him.

"Did you know that Mizuno got dumped?" one said.  Yaten perked up, heart
stopping in his chest as his stomach clenched.

"She did?" the other seemed amazed.  "I thought they were the perfect
couple, too!  How awful."

Awful?!  It was horrible!  Yaten, veered back towards the classroom, guilt
gnawing at his heart.  He found Seiya surrounded by eager lunch offerings,
reveling in the attention, but no Taiki.  "Where's Taiki?" he demanded,
jostling his way through the ring.

Seiya blinked in confusion.  "He went to the Computer Lab for something,
since the dumplings are having lunch toget- hey!" he called after Yaten who
was already headed towards the door.  "What's wrong?"

Yaten didn't have time to explain, racing through the halls towards the Lab.
He found Taiki there alone, casually typing in some sort of report.  "Did
you dump Ami?" he demanded, storming over to the console, unable to squelch
the hope rising in his heart together with the dread dropping to his
stomach.

Taiki's fingers paused in their ministrations, pondering the best way to
answer the question.  Without removing his eyes from the screen, he finally
answered, "You heard?"

"Of course I heard!" Yaten snapped, feeling both elated and downtrodden at
the same time, conflicting emotions swirling through his body like a
tornado.  "It's probably all over the damn school by now."

"It is amazing how gossip spreads," Taiki murmured, returning to his typing.

"So, it's true."

Taiki nodded, a smile quirking at his lips at the relief in Yaten's voice.
He had done the right thing after all.  "It was just this morning too.  I
wonder how the information spread."

Yaten's heart stopped beating a second before pounding relentlessly against
his chest.  Anger started to take hold of him, trickling through his body,
prodding his heart faster. "This morning?!"

"Yes."  Taiki frowned in annoyance.  Yaten should have been grateful;
instead he detected hostility in his friend's voice.  "I thought it would
have been best to get it over with as quickly as possible, that way the
timing would have been just right."

Timing?  What the hell was Taiki talking about?  Yaten frowned, eyes
narrowing to green-gold slits.  Taiki never made overnight decisions; he
always thought about things for weeks before carrying out his plans.  And
something else was bothering Yaten.  "Why did you do it?  Is it because you
just got tired of her all of the sudden?"

"No," Taiki said quietly.  "That wasn't it.  I just thought it would be
easier this way."  Taiki's voice was meant to be soothing; instead it fanned
the waves of Yaten's anger as he noticed the stacks of books surrounding the
console.

"Easier for who?  You?"

Exasperated at the growing animosity, Taiki tried to escape.  "Yaten, I
really am quite busy right now and-"

"I don't believe this!" Yaten interrupted, pearly teeth bared.  "A really
big astronomy project flashes in your face so you cut off something just so
you can have the chance to work on it alone?  How selfish can you be?!"

Cold anger seeped into Taiki's violet eyes.  Speechless, he clenched his
teeth at the words, trying to form an argument in his mind.  Finally, he
managed to spit out, "You would not be asking such questions if you didn't
want her."

Guilt congealed in Yaten's stomach, fear racing his heart.  Shaking, Yaten
spurred forth, words tumbling from his mouth before he could stop them. "You
think that I'm such a terrible guy that I would try to steal your
girlfriend?  What, you don't trust me?"

"With the evidence being as it is..."

"To hell with your 'evidence'!"  Yaten was furious, guilt and anger handing
him their swords for battle, sharpening his words.  "You thought I was going
to try to take Ami away from you, didn't you?  How can you even think of the
possibility?!  I'm your friend, I wouldn't do that to you!"

Realizing his mistake, Taiki faltered to correct himself.  "I just noticed,
and I thought..."

"I don't even *like* her!" Yaten spurred forth, "I just talked to her
because she was *your* girlfriend.  That's all!"

Taiki shook his head, trying to weigh the evidence he had gathered about
them with his conclusions.  "No, I felt sure that with the evidence and the
facts, that you-"

"Quit analyzing me like some damned experiment!  That's what I hate about
you, Taiki, you're always trying to put logic to places it's not going to
work."  Yaten stormed out of the computer lab, yelling behind him, "I'm not
like that, Taiki.  And if you can't realize that, if you can't get that
through your stupid scientific head, then I don't think we should even be
friends any more."  He slammed the door, fleeing to the rooftops, needing to
escape.

The afternoon breeze felt cool on his heated skin, sending soft shivers down
his spine.  The pain of betrayal and desire flooded through him with guilt
racing its course alongside as he closed his eyes, trying to comprehend.
/How can he even believe I would do something like that? He let her go so I
wouldn't take her away from him?  He's my friend!  Doesn't he trust me?/

/He saw what happened last night, you idiot./ he berated himself.  /He's not
stupid.  But still, he should know I'm not like that!  After all we've been
through, he thinks I would try to hurt him like that!/

Sighing, he opened his eyes to the outside scenery, peering through the
holes of the cold metallic gate.  He spotted Ami with her friends eating
outside.  They weren't too hard to miss; a blue-haired girl with two blondes
and the tallest girl in the school.  They were probably comforting her,
reassuring her that everything would be okay.  He tried to swallow the lump
lodged in his throat.  He wasn't sure anything would be 'okay' anymore.

/It's my fault, Ami.  I'm sorry.  I'll make it up to you.  Somehow./

*******

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

[1] The Japanese believe that a red string binds you and your future mate
together.  It's like destiny, which is why Yaten uses it as a reference.

[2] In case you didn't catch it, it's a reference to Urusei Yatsura from
Takahashi Rumiko.

[3] Jiro Yamada, a.k.a. Gaidouji Gai, is one of the characters from Martian
Successor Nadesico.  Though I don't think his personality is the same in my
story, I decided to use his name anyway, since he is an otaku.

Now, I know that from information I found that Yaten isn't a member of the
Anime Club, but there's no reason for him not to have a friend who is.
After all, the Three Lights can have friends other than the Sailor Senshi
and themselves, right? ^_^

[4] Yurika Misumaru is another character on the same show.

[5] In Sailor Moon SuperS, Minako two-times both Hawks-eye and Tiger-eye,
with the result in her friends saying she's the only one with enough energy
for two boyfriends.  I think she is. ^_^

SONG: (translated by Alex Glover)

Yuube no naka de nando mo
Sotto kuchizuke kawashita
Sukitooru tsubura na hitomi ni
Suikomarete iku

Kimi no naka de madoromu
Nukumori ni tsutsumarete soo
Aa itsumademo samenaide to
Tsuraku sakebu no sa

Mune no oku no takanari kara
Jibun de mo honki no shiru
Setsunasugite modokasikute
Akiramekirenai

Motto deai ga hayakereba to
Iiwake bakari mitsuketeru

Tsuki no hikari ga todokanu kanata e
Aa kimi o tsuresaritai

Asayake ni terasareta
Kimi no eegao mabushisugite
Kono mama hukairi shiteiku
Jibun ga kowai yo

Hui ni naru PHS ga
Hutari no kyori hiraku yo
Tomodachi da to ii hito da to
Warikirenakute

Kinou anna ni yasashikute mo
Ima goro aitsu no ude no naka

Tsuki no hikari ga todokanu kanata e
Aa kimi o tsuresaritai

English trans:

In my dreams, how many times have we
Given each other tender kisses
When I look into your round eyes
I am drawn right into them

Dropping off to sleep held by you
Like that, I am wrapped in your warmth
Oh, if I could never wake up from this
I yell out with that pain

Because my heart is beating so quickly
I know myself that this is for real
This heartache is too much, I've grown tired of it
I won't give up on this

If we had only met earlier
All I can find is that excuse

To the distances where the moonlight doesn't reach
Oh, I want to take you there

Shining as the sun rises
Your smileing face is too brilliant
Like this, I will get deep inside
I am scared of being alone

Suddenly ringing out, the PHS is
Coming across the distance between us
You say I'm a friend, you say I'm a nice guy
I just don't understand

Yesterday you were so sweet to me
But now you are being held in his arms...
To the distances where the moonlight doesn't reach
Oh, I want to take you there