Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, or even the situation. Everything belongs to Yuu Watase and the animation company that animated Fushigi Yuugi. I'm just borrowing this, and making no money to boot. This is my first Fushigi Yuugi fanfic, and it contains spoilers for Episode, um, 23? And Tankoban 7 (?). It's in the vein of WhiteCat's Images (go look at 'em, all of 'em are good!) and is a glimpse into Suboshi's mind after Amiboshi was killed. Anyhoo, all comments/flames/death threats are welcome at zyrensky@aol.com. Enjoy! AN EYE FOR AN EYE Gone. Dead. Even two days after it, I can't believe it. Two days since my soul felt torn apart, and I was left half-empty. Two days, since my twin brother, Amiboshi, died. I close my eyes against the threatening tears, clench my fist against the ache in my chest that isn't going away; grief so deep it feels like a knife wound. For the first time in my life, there is no other comforting presence inside me. Before, it was as though I could see through two sets of eyes, feel with two sets of hearts; there was always Amiboshi's presence within me- a steady candlelight in my soul. It took seconds for it to be snuffed out, leaving me alone in darkness. The tears start to flow again, blurring the moon against a dark sky; almost as dark as the room I'm in. I'm asking the same questions I've been asking for two days even knowing I'm never going to find the answers. What did they do, Amiboshi? What torture did you go through? How did you die? Were they all there, or was it just one to do the dirty work? Was it Suzaku's Seishi or the Miko herself? I should never have let you go. I should have gone myself, I should have insisted. Instead, I let you slip through my fingers. I let you die. My mind is wandering now. Nakago had asked for volunteers to infiltrate the ranks of the Suzaku Seishi, finally deciding on Amiboshi. Suzaku's seishi, my sworn enemy. They caused Kotou to be in the near-anarchical state it's in now. They want to invade us; to keep us all as slaves. And they took away part of me. I choke back the tears, brutally rubbing the back of my fist against my eyes. I cried once. That was enough weakness. Real men don't cry. They get revenge. ****************** I spot Nakago walking down the halls of the castle and duck behind a pillar. He always seems so distant. I never saw much of him while I was here before a few nights ago. He passes me, preoccupied with something. I seize that opportunity to edge whisper-soft around the column, facing the exit of the hall. "Suboshi, what do you think you're doing?" Cursing myself for being so careless, I emerge from the shadows, facing Nakago's stone cold face. "I'm going to avenge Amiboshi!" I cry out, wanting to force him to understand, to have some kind of emotional reaction. "When I think about what they did to him..." I could barely continue, the rage swelling up in my heart coupled with the grief. Oh, they'll pay, they'll pay! "You aren't yet strong enough," Nakago said in that same monotone that I've learned to hate; chiding me like I'm a child. "Amiboshi was a full-fledged warrior and he couldn't stand up to them. Your skills aren't developed enough yet." "What's going on?" Lady Yui's voice interrupts. A train of guards follows her as she walks to Nakago, totally ignoring me. Lady Yui. I had thought she was cold before, just like Nakago. When I had met her, I had thought that all people with blonde hair and blue eyes were born with no feelings. She had acted just like Nakago; treating me like I was a lesser being, someone who wasn't worth any of their time. Then, after I had lost Amiboshi, she had held me close, the same way Amiboshi had from time to time. And she had felt so warm. Very warm. Even now, she looks beautiful, with the same, sad eyes Amiboshi had. Amiboshi. The pain of grief hurtles towards me full force like a typhoon. Amiboshi died in pain, suffering at the hands of Suzaku's seishi; and here I am mooning over a girl from another world. No, I won't forget now. I will have blood for blood, whether Nakago "approves" or not. Only out of politeness for *her*, I wait for Lady Yui to finish and leave before continuing in my persuit for vengance. "Suboshi," he calls after me. "If you truly want revenge, you shouldn't stalk the Suzaku Seishi." He smiles coldly, a gleam of- satisfaction?- in those icy eyes. "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth; isn't that the old saying? We wouldn't want the Seishi of Suzaku to think we are non-traditionalists. There is a house in Konan..." ************** The house is ramshackle, looking like a lot of the ones I grew up in. No, it looks better. It had never been burned down or riddled with arrows. The ache is still there in my chest, constricting my throat every time I take a breath. Today, Amiboshi. Today you can rest easy. I'll avenge your death, I swear it! I think only of Amiboshi as I run madly towards the hovel. Two days ago I might have cared, I might have stopped to think about what I was about to do. Now, I don't care. I fling open the door to the dirty house, ryuuseisui in hand and let the volcano of surpressed anger erupt until all I see are moving figures within a haze of red. With each wild strike, blood mingles with that haze accompanied by a shriek or a scream until everything in the room is colored red. And the pain still lingers. No matter how hard I hit, how far the blood spurts from their bodies, it's still there, choking me. You aren't helping! I silently scream at them, attacking harder, faster, anything to make it go away. Tears are blinding me now, I can't even see their moving bodies clearly any more. Not that it matters; almost all of them are down, waiting for that final blow. My ryuuseisui pummels them again and again until their screams stop and it's deathly silent in the house. I did it. I wipe away the tears fiercely from my burning eyes as well as some of their blood, the anger ebbing. They are all dead; the old man, the children, all of them. So why am I still in pain? "Suboshi!" Soi's voice reaches me from the calm I'm in like an echo on a mountain. She stands at the doorway now, a black assassins' cloak clumsilly draped around her. I notice she doesn't come in, whether out of politeness for me or for the dead I can't tell. "We should go. One of Suzaku's seishi is approaching." She leaves as quickly as she had come, blending with the other houses in her departure. Go. Yes, I'm coming. I make sure not one of them is twitching without feeling, as though my heart froze. Maybe it did. All I know is I'm not sorry. I turn to leave when I see a flute half-teetering on the table- an almost exact duplicate of Amiboshi's. I pick it up quickly, half-hoping some kind of comforting feeling will wash over me like my brother coming back. It's just cold wood; empty, like me. The pain throbs in my chest again as I think of Amiboshi, clutching that precious trinket to my chest. It may be all I'll ever have of his; a mockery of his flute picked from the dead family of a Suzaku seishi. One is coming. The eye of the storm within me passes, rage boiling over again. It's not over, it wasn't enough. The flute and ryuuseisui are both in my hands, rubbing raw against my palms, crying out for blood. I grin without happiness, without joy; only grim determination. You killed my family, Suzaku Seishi, so I killed yours. Now, it's your turn to die.