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Originally published in "Scared Senseless" published by Whatever you do, don't press.

My Immortal Beloved
By: Stacy L.A. Stronach


You were a vampire
and, baby, I m the walking dead
You were a vampire
and, baby I m the walking dead

Concrete Blonde
"Bloodletting"


The pulse beating in the young man's throat calls to me like a Siren's song, and I can't resist; I'm
hungry, I need nourishment. I tilt his face up, looking him in the eyes and whisper, in my most
seductive voice, to hypnotize him, "You'll forget this. You'll remember only what I tell you,
yes?" I smile as he nods his agreement, his eyes clouding over.

I can hear his pulse, his heartbeat echoing in my head; it excites me. As my canine teeth
lengthen, I reach down to stroke this young man's erection, waiting for the moment of his
release. As he orgasms, I bite into the soft, thin, silky skin of his throat, cutting through flesh to
allow that warm, salty liquid to flow into my mouth, into my body. I can't help but moan
lightly it tastes so good, feels so good, taking this life into my body. I drink enough to sate my
hunger, which isn't enough to kill the younger man, he'll just feel a little tired for a few days.
Killing is something I will only do in self-defense. In fact, I haven't murdered anyone in over a
century. I loathe killing.

Looking at my watch, I realize I should head home. My roommate will start to worry about me if
I'm not back soon. I leave a post-hypnotic suggestion with my young friend: if he ever
remembers this night, he will think it was a dream.

Walking onto the balcony, I quickly scan the area and, ensuring that no one sees me, I take to the
air, flying through the night sky. I don't understand quite how we vampires are able to fly, but
we
can. It is an exhilarating feeling, one I enjoy too seldom these days. As I approach our apartment
building, I look around. Good, no one will see me land. It would be so much easier just to land
on the balcony and go in that way, but my roommate would get just a little freaked out by that,
especially if he were awake when I arrived.

I quickly make my way up the stairs to the loft, pausing outside the door. Listening, I hear the
soft pulse/heart rates that indicate my friend is asleep, and on the living room couch, with the
TV on. Trying to enter quietly, so as not to wake my friend, I quickly hang my jacket up, placing
my keys in the basket by the door. I walk over and sprawl in the armchair, watching my
roommate sleep. The pulse in his neck beckons me, as it always does, and his smell, that unique
combination that belongs to him, draws me to him, and I want him. Not just for his blood,
though that would taste so sweet, but as my lover. For eternity.

As he wakens, I can sense his mind rising towards consciousness. He opens his eyes, those
beautiful blue eyes, and looks at me, smiling.

"Hey, Sandburg, when did you get back, man?" Jim asks me. "I didn't hear you come
in.

"Just got in a couple of minutes ago, man. You probably heard me subconsciously, that's why
you woke up," I explain.

Jim gives me a strange look, and I quickly monitor my own heart/pulse/respiration
rates nothing wrong there. I'm so used to increasing them to normal human levels whenever
I'm around Jim that I don't usually pay much attention to it. This increase is necessary, as my
own vampire rates are so slow that Jim would know there was something up with me. I hate it,
though. It makes me feel like I'm moving through my life on a constant hit of speed.

Jim finally looks away from me, obviously finding the answer to whatever had puzzled him. He
stretches that wonderful, muscular body of his as he stands up, and says, "I think I'll go to bed
now, Chief. It's late. Don't stay up too long. We've got that early stakeout duty tomorrow,
remember?"

"Yes, Daddy, I haven't forgotten," I reply sarcastically.

"Good night, Blair," he says, choosing to ignore my comment.

"Yeah, good night, big guy," I say, watching as he walks up the stairs to his room.

Sometimes, it's so difficult to control my temper when he treats me so condescendingly, and it's
all I can do not to shove the man through the nearest wall. I could easily do it, too, with barely a
flick of my wrist. For as strong as Jim is, my strength is a hundred times stronger. I snickered as
I imagine the look on Jim's face if ever I did do that. It would almost be worth it.

Another thing that pisses me off is the way he treats me when we're dealing with a case, like I've
never done it before. I sigh as I remember that I chose to live this life, as an inexperienced grad
student, not knowing where and who I would end up with. And even though I spent almost ten
years with the NYPD in the '60's, I have to act as though I know nothing about police procedure.

As I sit here, I start remembering. I remember my discovery of Jim and his abilities. Not only
was it amazing finding a human who had all five senses heightened, but the fact that he needed
my help at that point in his life was kismet. The fates control us, my friends. Jim has told me that
I saved his sanity, perhaps even his life. I wonder what he would think if I told him that he saved
my sanity, that he saved my life, when he decided that he needed me in his life.

My mind drifts back almost 30 years ago, to the night I'd lost my lover, Thomas. We'd been
together for one hundred and three years, perfect companions and lovers. He died trying to save
some children from an apartment fire. I shudder. Fire and decapitation are the only ways to truly
kill a vampire. I know, I know, all the legends say put a stake through our hearts, but that only
works if the stake will stay put forever. If it's removed, we return to life and are usually pretty
pissed off at whoever did that to us, and will hunt them down. As for the sunshine, well, some
vampires never learn to tolerate it, but I learned how to very quickly it's a matter of focus and
concentration and I've been doing it for so long, that it's second nature to me.

Oh, yes, back to Thomas, my lover so beautiful, tall, thin, with shoulder-length red hair and
beautiful emerald eyes. We were mentally connected I felt his pain as he died, and thought that
I, too, would die. Climbing into the bed I had shared with Thomas, I lay there, wrapped in one of
his big sweaters, keeping his scent near me. This is how my mother found me two days later, still
on the bed, in his sweater, and I didn't even notice her until she lay down beside me, stroking the
side of my face.

"Oh, Aedan, I'm so sorry, darting," she says, using my real name, the one she gave me so long
ago,
after giving birth to me.

"Nessa, I.. .1 miss him so much," I manage to whisper before I start crying for him, grieving him.
Nessa holds me, offering comfort as I weep, my blood tears staining her shirt...

I realize that I'm close to crying now, and reaching up, check my face no tears. Good, I haven't
actually cried. If Jim smelled blood, he'd be down here in a flash, worrying, wondering what was
wrong. And how to explain blood-laced tears?

Nessa saved my life that time, whether I wanted her to or not. After a few days, during which
she
fed me from her wrist, much as she had fed me from her breast when I was a babe, I decided that
I would live, that I could live.

We stayed in there, in New York, for almost another year, deciding what to do. We decided to
travel around the world, yet again, and we arranged new identities. Shortly after Thomas' death,
I
was "killed" in the line of duty (I was with the NYPD at the time), and Nessa and I took off.

We travelled all around the world, visiting the jungle tribes of South America for almost 15
years. Visiting those tribes was what encouraged me to study anthropology, a subject that I had
never formally studied before. I've always enjoyed learning. About 10 years ago, Nessa and I
created new identities, and she convinced me to become her son again, thus we became Blair
and Naomi Sandburg.

My life had flowed along relatively peacefully for many years, until I met Jim Ellison. The man
who saved my life, but also shattered my existence, in so many ways. And moving in with him, a
human, who had no idea of my true nature! Sometimes I think that I was a fool to do that, but I
couldn't leave Jim now if I tried, I love him too much, I need him too much. Almost as much as
he needs me. I look at the clock, and seeing how late it is, head off to bed. I need to get as much
rest as possible, we do have a stakeout tomorrow. I like that word "stakeout" it makes me
laugh.



Jim

I lie in bed, listening as Blair gets up off the couch and goes into his bedroom. I try so
hard not to eavesdrop, but sometimes I can't stop myself. I listen as he gets ready for bed and
then climbs in under the covers. How much I would like to join him there, to be with him, to
make love with him, but I know that will never happen all those women he dates I don't
stand a chance.

There is something unusual about Blair, I don't know what it is. Sometimes he seems like such a
child, while at others, he seems ancient, with more knowledge than a man his age should have.
And tonight as I was waking up, I looked over at him, and I could have sworn his eyes had a
preternatural glow to their blueness. Then I blinked my eyes and when I looked at him again,
they were just the same beautiful blue they've always been. My senses must be acting up again,
or it was the residue of a forgotten dream.

I really should go to sleep now, we do have that stakeout in the morning, and since I was after
Blair to get enough rest, I should heed my own advice.


Blair

I'm awake at dawn, which is around five a.m., and if I weren't living with a human, I'd just be
getting ready for sleep. I had forgotten, when I first moved in with Jim, how difficult it is to live
with a regular human, but to live with someone who has Jim's heightened senses... It's rather
hellish. I was used to not being able to keep my usual nocturnal hours due to my work at the
university, but having to pretend to eat food ... (shudder) that's why I'm always trying to get
"Mr. Fast Food is the Best Food" to eat healthier the more natural a food is, the less problem I
have with it. My body doesn't handle solid foods very well, mostly not at all. Much of the time, I
end up holding down my food until I have some privacy (i.e., away from Jim) during which I
throw it up. Disgusting, but necessary. Liquids just seem to pass through my system with little
or
no problem. Gods, this is starting to sound like a science lecture enough!

As I was saying, I was awake with the sunrise and answered the phone when it rang it was
Simon Banks, Jim's captain and boss. Jim had also awakened when the phone rang, so I let him
know it was for him. Nice thing about living with a Sentinel, you don't have to yell for them to
get the phone. I behave myself, and don't eavesdrop on the conversation. Instead, I take
advantage and get in the shower first. Jim often complains about how much hot water I use, and
I keep telling him to get a bigger hot water tank, but he hasn't yet. Oh, well, maybe I'll buy us
one
for Solstice or for his birthday. It's a thought. I hear Jim coming down the stairs; guess I better
get out of the shower, as much as I hate to. It's one of the few places I actually ever feel warm.
Sometimes being the living dead can be such a drag.

I walk out of the bathroom wrapped only in a towel, dripping water behind me I know it'll piss
Jim off, but even when I was alive, I was a messy person. Of course, back then, neatness wasn't
considered a valuable life skill, and personally, I still don't think it is. I almost run into Jim, who
is wearing nothing but a pair of his plaid boxers oh, but the man has a gorgeous body. It's all I
can do not to grab him and fuck him senseless right then and there, but I do manage to control
myself. As I brush past him, he speaks to me.

"Make it fast, Chief, we're off stakeout duty. There's been a murder down on the waterfront.
Simon wants us on it ASAP"

"Okay, man," I reply, going into my bedroom and quickly getting dressed.


Jim

I watch as Blair heads into his bedroom, with just a towel for cover and dripping wet. It isn't
until he closes the door to his room that I stop staring and remember that I'm in a hurry. I shower
and dress quickly and we're out the door twenty minutes later.

Simon hasn't told me much about the crime scene, other than to say it was unusually
vicious the young woman had had her throat torn out, and the blood was drained from her
body. It's at times like this that I wonder about the usefulness of being a Sentinel. We're
supposed to protect our tribe, and for me, the city is my tribe it's so large that I may as well not
exist, it seems. While capturing criminals has its satisfactions, I'd much rather prevent the crime
than investigate it, and how much do my abilities actually help with that? Sometimes it seems as
if they don't help at all... Dammit, Blair's noticed my mood, and is asking if I'm all right.

"Yeah, Chief, I'm fine. I just wonder about the usefulness of being a Sentinel in the modern
world. It seems that I rarely ever prevent the members of my 'tribe' from being hurt I just try to
put the pieces together after the fact and catch the bastard who did it."

"And you end up saving lives by using your senses to capture the criminals, and keep them from
hurting anyone else so you do protect your tribe, Jim. The best you can, especially considering
the size of the tribe you're protecting, man," Blair tells me, looking at me, and, I know, trying to
reassure me. It does work, as it usually does. Sometimes I can't understand how he can still have
so much optimism, with all the things he has seen since he started working with me.

"I know. Sometimes, though, it's hard not to get discouraged," I reply, as we pull up to the crime
scene. "Blair, this isn't going to be a very pretty sight. You might not want to see the body. She
had her throat ripped out and all the blood was drained from her body," I tell him quietly,
knowing how he dislikes violent scenes. Blair is sitting statue still in his seat, his heart! pulse
rates have increased, but he's not saying anything.

"Sandburg, are you okay?" I ask.

Blair

"Yeah, man, I'm okay. Don't worry, I'll be fine about seeing the scene," I tell him. Inside,
however, I'm terrified not of seeing the body, but of what the cause of death means. Another
vampire. And a vicious one at that. Gods, I hope it's not. I hope this was just some sick
psychopath we'll be dealing with, not a vampire. It could be trouble.

I climb out of the truck, following Jim to where the young woman's body is lying, sprawled out
on the dock. She's half undressed, and Jim was telling the truth her throat
looks as if it's been ravaged by some wild animal. I quickly sniff the air she's been drained of
blood, the only stuff left is that from the wound on her neck. I sigh, for I can also smell the scent
of one of my own kind, a smell that Jim won't be able to identify, if he does smell it. Yes, she
was definitely killed by a vampire. I can just imagine how Jim would react if I were to share that
information with him. Better to let him think it a psychopath.

"Do we have an ID on the body yet?" Jim asks.

"No, we don't. No purse or wallet was found with her," comes the answer.

As we move around to where her face is turned, frozen in a mask of terror, I gasp. I know her,
she's one of my students from the university. Gods.

"Her name is Beverleigh Small, she's one of my students. Taking her Masters in Anthro," I say
quietly.

"Are you positive, Sandburg?" Jim asks me. I nod.

"Yeah, Jim, she was one of my best students. If you check the inside of her right wrist, you'll see
she has a small red rose tattoo," I tell him, watching as he checks. He shows it to me and I
nod it's her. "If you want, I can call Rainier. They should have the contact information for her
parents," I offer, wanting to help as much as possible.

"Yeah, Chief, if you would. Thank you," Jim says, already using his vision to check her body for
clues. I quickly call Rainier and get the information, which I write down.

Walking over next to Jim, I watch him work. He looks at me.

"I can't see anything on her body that would be evidence," he says.

"Try your sense of smell, Jim. Filter out the scents you know belong and go from there you
might get something that way," I offer, as he closes his eyes, concentrating on the scents in the
air around him.

While I monitor my Sentinel, ensuring he doesn't zone out, I feel a prickling on the back of my
neck, as if someone is watching us. Glancing around quickly, I spot him, on the roof of one of
the warehouses, and as I look, I realize that I know him it's the one known as the Russian, his
name Rasputin. Not Grigori, confidante of the last Tsar of Russia, but a cousin, just as mad as
his famous cousin was reputed to be. He stares at me, his green eyes glowing, and I can sense his
malevolence and hatred from here. He looks at Jim, a cold smile on his face, and then he takes
off.

I suppress a shudder, wondering what the hell the Russian wants with me I've only met the man
once, and that was only in passing I don't think I offended him. And it was over 80 years ago
now. He's well known among our kind: he's a vicious bastard, and if you offend him in any
manner, he comes after you and those you love. Maybe it's just a coincidence, but the look he
gave Jim...


Jim

As I'm trying to filter the smells in the area, I'm distracted by the fear I smell coming from Blair,
but I have to ignore it for now. Finally, something that shouldn't be here, it smells like.., roses?
Maybe it's her perfume?

"Hey, Blair, I smell a perfume. It smells like roses, it must be hers."

He shakes his head. "No, man, Beverleigh was very allergic to most scented products; she
couldn't wear perfume. It must be from the killer," he tells me.

"Probably, but a man that wears rose perfume? I don't know, Chief, but I really don't think a
woman did this to her. Did you get the contact information from the university?" I ask, dreading
what we have to do next: inform the next of kin.

"Yeah, seems she's just got a mother and brother; her fathers deceased. They live over on
Mountain View," Blair says.

I sigh. "C'mon, we'd better go do it," I say, as we head for the truck. This is the part I hate, having
to go tell someone that one of their loved ones has been murdered.

Twenty minutes later, we pull up to the house it's a large two storey her family wasn't poor by
any standard. The door is opened by a young man, obviously her brother, and I introduce Blair
and myself and we go in.

An hour later, Blair and I are back at the station, the family has been told, and official
identification has been made. We start sifting through the forensics report, and the initial report
from the medical examiner. The ME is able to confirm that her throat was ripped open by a
human mouth, one with what appeared to be extra long canines. I look over at my partner, who's
reading the reports. I love watching him when he reads, wearing his glasses, concentrating; he
just looks so damn sexy. I have to admit, I think he looks sexy most of the time, if not all of it.
Sometimes, though, more so than others...

"So, Chief, extra long canines we lookin' for the Dog Boy or something?" I ask.
Blair flashes a quick smile, and replies, "Nah, more like we're looking for a vampire. I don't
think Dog Boy would drain his victims of blood, do you?"

Before I can answer, my phone rings, and I pick it up. "Ellison, Major Crimes."

"Jim, it's Naomi, I need to talk to Blair~ it's important," she says.

I sigh, hoping that she's not coming to visit. I mean, she's a lovely woman, but strange things
always happen when she shows up.

"Naomi, we're rather busy at "

"Jim, please, this is very important. I need to speak with my son," she pleads, and there's a note
in her voice that makes me hand the phone over to Blair.

"It's Naomi," I tell him, trying to decide if I should eavesdrop or not. Morally, I shouldn't, but she
sounds so upset, I wonder if I should.

Blair

Taking the phone, I greet her. "Hey, Mom, how's it going?"

"Do we have privacy?" she asks. She is aware of Jim's abilities, knows that he could conceivably
hear our call.

"No, we don't, Mom. What's wrong?" I'm starting to get worried, there's a note of almost fear to
her voice.

"Then we'll talk in our language," she says, speaking the old Celtic language we spoke when we
were still human. "Aedan, the Russian is after you. He thinks you slept with his lover~ Care Von
Sent. Did you?"

"No, of course not, Nessa! I sure as hell wouldn't want him to be pissed off with me. Why does
he thinks that I did, anyway?" I ask.

"Because she told him that you did. Obviously she was trying to make him jealous. Stupid,
stupid woman. He's already been to my place trying to find me, but, luckily I was warned and
was able to get away before he did," she tells me.

"He's already here, and he's killed one of my students. I saw him near the crime scene. I think
he's going to try and go after Jim at some point, just the way he was looking down at Jim today.
Gods, this is the last thing I need! How about you, are you sure you're really safe?"

"Yes, dear I'll be fine, don't worry about me. Worry about yourself, and Jim. I'd hate to see
anything happen to Jim, he's such a nice young man," she says.

"We'll be fine. And I'll protect Jim. I always protect the people I love, Mom," I finish.

She laughs a little. "So, you've finally admitted to yourself that you love him, my son? It's about
time. The more important thing is, does he know that you love him? Does he know what you
are?" she asks.

"No and no, Nessa. Jim's so straight, I don't think he'd appreciate knowing his male roommate is
in love with him. I hope I never have to tell him what I am," I say.

"You don't plan to bring him over?"

"Mom, Jim is freaked out enough with being a Sentinel. I don't think he'd react well to becoming
a vampire. Look, we're working this case, and I really have to go, okay? So, you take care of
yourself, and I love you, Mom," I tell her, switching back to English for my last sentence.

"Okay Blair~ I love you, too, and you take care as well," she says, following my lead, before
hanging up.

I look at Jim, who was watching me the entire time I was on the phone, and he says, "What
language were you two speaking, anyway Jewish?"

"Um, actually it's Yiddish. Yeah, Naomi goes through spells where the only language she'll
speak is Yiddish. Language of our ancestors and all that," I lie, making sure my body doesn't give
me away and thanking the gods that Jim isn't Jewish.

Jim looks at me. "Is your mother coming to visit again?" he asks almost hesitantly.

I laugh. "No, don't worry, Jim. She just called to let me know she's going away for a couple
months. Didn't want me to worry or anything."

"Okay. So, you think we've got a vampire here in Cascade, do you?" Jim asks me, but he isn't
serious.

"Well, it could be someone who thinks they're a vampire, maybe. I don't know, Jim. I mean, we
really don't have much to go on do we?"

"Not right now, anyway. I guess we can try and ID that perfume, go around smelling that crap all
afternoon. I'll probably end up with a headache," he complains, but that's what we spend the
afternoon doing, searching for a fragrance. We don't find it, of course, which doesn't surprise me.
Rasputin wouldn't be stupid enough to leave a trail we could find.


Blair

It's been three weeks, and every week, a murder, the same MO bodies drained of blood, throats
ripped out. I know who's doing it, but I can't tell Jim without revealing myself. I've tried to find
the Russian on my own, but without success none of the dozen or so vampires around Cascade
know where he is. Or if they do, they're not telling, but I don't think they do; none of them would
normally associate with the Russian.

I hate the fact that I have to lie to Jim so much, but he can't find out about me. I don't think he'd
understand. I push the essay I'm correcting away from me, unable to concentrate. Not an
uncommon occurrence these days. I see that it's almost seven o'clock, and I decide to pack things
in and go home, just spend a nice quiet evening vegging in front of the TV.

I park in front of our building, but as I get out of my car, my sixth sense is going haywire, and I
know something is wrong. I focus my hearing into the loft. I hear Jim there's somebody with
him oh, gods, it's Rasputin!

I try to hide my presence, shield myself from the Russian, hoping he's so involved with Jim, he
doesn't know that I'm here. Running to the alley, I make my way to the fire escape outside my
window. The doors to my bedroom are closed, and I can't see what's happening, so I stop and
listen again.

"Ah, sweet, sweet Jimmy. I'm your murderer, but you can't do anything about it. Yes, yes, I'm a
vampire, your little Blair was right about that. I'll bet he didn't tell you the best news of all,
though, did he? You're confused, I can see. Ah, well, I shall enlighten you, my friend. You see,
Blair is one of my kind. Oh, you can try to deny, but he is. It's a shame you won't be around to
ask him about it, though, isn't it? You shall be the sweetest prize of all, my dear Jimmy," the
Russian says, and I know he means to kill Jim, must have mental control of him at this moment.
I've got to get in there and save Jim.

Luckily, I had left my window open, so I quickly climb through, searching for a weapon I can
use. I see the machete that was part of the artifacts I borrowed from the university for a paper on
an obscure African tribe. I pick it up, test it to see how sharp it is ah, sharp enough for what I'll
need, for what I'll do. Looking through the window of my room into the living room, I see that
he's started to take Jim, and, fortunately, his back is turned toward me.

Quietly opening the door, hoping the Russian is so involved in what's he's doing that he won't
hear me, I slip out into the hallway. I fly across the room at him, and just as the machete slices
through the air towards his neck, the Russian looks up at me, a look of surprise on his face. I'm
the last thing he sees as the machete slices quickly and cleanly through his neck, decapitating
him. The blood that has spurted from his neck turns to dust, as does his body, and I watch in
horrified fascination, until I hear Jim moan and I look at him.

Gods, no, I'm too late! The bastard took too much blood for Jim to survive. I can't lose
him not now, not after this! I can't! I feel the tears streaming down my face, as I take a dying Jim
into my arms. I can save him, keep him from dying forever, but would Jim want me to do that,
would
he
want to live like I do? I don't know, I don't think he would, but I love him too much to let him go
and I
have
to decide quickly. And I do. I decide selfishly, perhaps, but I won't let him leave me. I can't, I
need him
too
much, although once I do this, I may lose him forever. He may hate me for what I'm about to do
to him.

Using the sharp edge of the machete, I slit my wrist, pressing it to Jim's mouth, letting the blood
flow
into
his body. After a few seconds, I feel his mouth start sucking the blood from me and I cry all the
harder it's done, now. There is no turning back. He will become a vampire. It takes a lot of effort
for
me to get my wrist away from his mouth, but he shouldn't nave anymore blood tonight. Even
though I'm considerably weakened from the loss of blood I manage to carry Jim into my
bedroom and place him on my bed. I work quickly to cover the windows so the light of day will
not penetrate this room, for he will not have any tolerance for it not this soon.

Knowing that Jim won't wake up for a few days, as his body will be undergoing its
transformation from mortal to vampire, I feel safe leaving him at the loft. I must go out and hunt;
we need to eat.

Three days later

Jim

Oh, my God, I hurt something awful I feel like I've been run over by a train. What the hell
happened? Then I start to remember, some big guy with a Russian accent, calling himself
Rasputin, he was a vampire, said he was coming to kill me. That's ridiculous, there's no such thing.
He said Blair was one, too, then all I remember is darkness.

I finally take notice of my surroundings I'm in Sandburg's room, the windows all heavily
covered. I don't know if it's night or day, but for some reason, I think it is night. I start to call out
for Blair, then realize he has come and sat next to me on the bed.

"Blair," my voice is husky, "what the hell happened to me? Who was that Russian guy?"

I can't say anymore, I'm too tired. Blair doesn't say anything, just reaches out to hold the sides of
my head, and suddenly, I know everything that's happened. I'm a vampire? They don't exist,
this
is all some crazy dream, some stupid test Sandburg's thought up! Then I take a moment to
consider my body feels different, my body rhythms are all slow. Any slower and I'd be dead. I
listen to Blair; his are just as slow. No, this can't be. I'm a Sentinel, not a vampire. No!

"What the fuck did you do to me, Sandburg? What the fuck did you do?!" I yell at him and we
both cringe at the sound of my loud voice in the room.

"I showed you what happened, Jim, what I did and why I did it. You were dying, and I couldn't
let that happen. I love you too much," Blair says quietly, moving away from me, almost as if he's
scared.

"Wasn't there any other way to help me, for Chrissakes? You should've let me die! I don't want
this! How could you?" I ask him angrily. Suddenly, I hear him inside my head.

*Call me selfish, Jim, but I loved you too much to let you die. I had to make a decision and this
is the one I made. I knew I took the risk of you hating me for it, but to have you alive made it
worth it. I'm sorry. Jim. I hope you can forgive me someday,* he finishes and I can feel his love,
and the sadness, and I know that he means what he says. I look at him, I can see him clearly in
the darkness as it seems he an see me and I look into those pain-filled blue eyes My God, he
loves me. And I...I do still love him, despite this.

*Blair; can you hear me?* I try out our connection, and when he nods, I continue, *I'm sorry I'm
so angry. It's just that this has all taken me by surprise, to put it mildly. I guess I'll just need time
to adjust to this. I do love you. Blair I have for a while Oh, man, I'm so con fused!* I rest my
head in my hands, starting when I feel his arms come around me, holding me, comforting me. I
return his embrace, my head against his shoulder as I start to cry, knowing that my life has
changed irrevocably. I smell blood and pause, wondering if one of us is bleeding.
Looking up at Blair, I see him smiling, and he tells me, *It's your tears you're smelling, my love.
When we cry, we cry blood tears. I'm so sorry this had to happen, Jim. We'll have to talk later
but your life as you've known it here, will be finished, so cry for it while you still can.

And I do.

Six months later, Costa Rica

Blair

We've been here for a month It's at spring, and we'll soon be going back up to travel around the
U S. and Canada for the summer. I want to show Jim the world, to see things that I've seen
before, but through his eyes and experience that sense of newness and awe.

I look at the clock; it's almost three in the morning. Jim is out practicing his flying skills He's
still learning, and doesn't like me to watch him when he practices. I guess it's difficult for
someone who's always felt in control, who's always known what to do, to be in such an
unfamiliar situation. He learns quickly, though, and he seems to have very good control of his
physical senses. Seems being a Sentinel prepared him for this, to an extent. It's taken him a little
longer to get used to having a "sixth" sense, being able to read other people's thoughts and to not
broadcast everything he's thinking. He still has to consciously control his mind much of the
time, but it's becoming easier for him, almost to the point of being an automatic response, as it is
for me. I close my journal and go outside, standing on the veranda, looking up through the
canopy of trees to the star filled sky

I sigh. Jim hasn't allowed me to embrace him since that first night he woke up as a vampire. He
says he loves me, and I know he means it, I can sense it through our connection, but I think a
part of him hates me. For what I made him into, for causing such radical changes in his life I
wonder if he'll ever really forgive me, if he'll ever let me love him..

Jim

I spot a little clearing and decide to land there. I lie down on the ground, looking up at the sky.
It's so beautiful here; I hope that we come back often. I've finally accepted what's happened, I
think. It's just so... strange.
It's been difficult I thought that being a vampire and needing blood to survive meant we'd have
to go around killing people, but Blair has shown me this isn't necessary, that we take only what
we need. We can survive off of animal blood, but that isn't as.. .satisfying as human blood,
something that repelled me at first. I've adjusted, though. My entire life has changed. I had to
quit the Cascade PD: Simon was accepting of having a Sentinel on the force, but I don't think
he'd have been happy having a vampire working for him. I would've had to tell him the truth, in
order to be able to be on permanent night shift. Although Blair's been teaching me how to
control my reactions to sunlight, it still bothers me. I can only tolerate it for a few minutes. He
tells me that it should only be a few more months before I'll be able to walk in the noonday sun.
Like mad dogs and Englishmen, I suppose.

I stop and listen to the jungle around me I can hear the nocturnal animals as they go about there
business, the sap as it flows through the trees, the insects that are crawling and flying around me.
My senses seem a little bit stronger, or maybe it's just that I now have total control over them.
The advantage to this situation, I guess. I don't have zone outs any longer, which is nice, because
I always hated those. Being able to fly has just blown me away I love it. It's such a feeling of
freedom!

Knowing that Blair and I can be together, forever, at turns makes me ecstatic and terrified. Can
we actually love each other forever? That's an awfully long time. As I think of my love, I feel a
little sad. I haven't really let him hold me since that first night. Part of that has been my fear at
what's happened to me; part of it, especially at first, was anger. For as much as I loved him, part
of me hated him, for what he did, for what happened to me. I realize now that was all caused by
my fear, and I'm no longer angry with him, but I'm afraid to approach him, afraid he'll reject me
for the way I've acted. I guess there's only one way to find out...

I land outside the house and see Blair standing on the verandah, his back toward me. I walk over
behind him. *Hey babe, what are you doing?*

*Just watching the night sky It's so beautiful, isn't it?* he says.

*Not as beautiful as you are, my love,* I tell him, as I wrap my arms around him, resting my
head against his. He stiffens for a moment, before relaxing into my embrace, his hands covering
mine, and I can feel how much he loves me. *Blair~ I'm sorry for how I've been acting, how I've
been treating you.*

*You don't have to apologize, Jim. I understand. I went through the same thing when I was
brought over. I didn't chose this life, just as you didn't. I love you, Jim. I hope you've forgiven
me,* he says, turning around to face me, and I see the love shining from his eyes.

*Yes, Blair, I've forgiven you. I love you so much,* I share, pulling him closer as he winds his
arms around my neck, and he reaches up, capturing my mouth in a kiss. I moan at the contact,
and can feel his passion for me through our connection. I feel the heat of his tongue across my
lips, and I open my mouth, allowing him in. My tongue slips into his mouth oh, God, he tastes
so good, better than I could ever have imagined. I don't ever want this to stop, but finally we pull
apart, both breathless, and panting.

*I want you, Jim, but I don't want to rush things. I think we should take our time with this, don't
you? I mean, I don't want to mess this up,* Blair mind sends to me.

He's right, we have all the time in the world, we don't have to rush it. If we're going to spend
forever together, we'd better start it off right.

*You're right, baby Slow and steady it is, then,* I agree with him.

Six months later, the Highlands of Scotland

Blair

I wake as the sun sets behind the mountains, and can tell that Jim is still asleep. It's so wonderful
to wake up in his arms, to feel so safe and loved, something I haven't felt in a long time. Not
even Thomas made me feel this way.

I've brought him here to show him where I was born, where I grew up, where I lived, and died. I
want him to know me as well as I know him. It's late fall, and the weather is starting to get a
little chilly. I think soon we'll go to the Mediterranean countries and enjoy a warm winter. Hmm,
that'll be good.

I sense that Jim is awake now and, reaching up, I seek his mouth. We kiss, mouths open, tongues
teasing, tasting, as we savour each other. Oh, how I love this man, and love being loved by him. I
know I will never tire of him, and I hope he will never tire of me.
I think this love will last.. .forever.

**//the end\\**