Email: slashgirl@gmail.com

Author's notes: Rated R for language and content, ie. m/m relationship and discussion of same. If ya don't like this or are underage where you live, pls. go 'way and read something else. Thus will you live a longer and happier life. This is Part II of Guppy Tales; the title references back to Part I--Caught... This has slight spoilers for Inside Man. You're lucky you're gettin' this today, my aunt and mother have been wandering around the house talking, loudly and distracting me!



Guppy Tales II:
...And released
by Stacy L.A. Stronach, Oct/Nov 1997


Blair watched in disbelief from across the compound. Jim was
kissing that Michelle woman. Jim had told him nothing had
happened between the two of them. *No, Sandburg, he said,
"Nothing much" had happened between them.* Blair reminded
himself. If fucking her was "nothing much", then being with Blair must
not rate highly either. Blair couldn't understand why Jim
would do this to him and he knew he needed to get out of here.
Now.


"Hey, Simon. Look, can you tell Jim I had to go to the
university? I've got a meeting in half an hour," Blair asked
Captain Simon Banks.


Simon was about to ask if he was Blair's message boy, when he saw the
pain in Blair's deep blue eyes, the hurt on the younger man's face. Simon
figured Blair didn't realize just how much of an open book his expressive
face made him. "Yeah, Sandburg. No problem,
you go on. Talk to you later," Simon said. He looked over,
watching Jim with Michelle. He didn't understand the situation
entirely, but figured he had a pretty good idea. Simon hoped his
best cop hadn't just screwed up his relationship with Blair. The
young anthro student was the best thing that had happened to Jim
in the time Simon had known him. Jim was a more open, caring
person than he used to be--and Simon knew that was Blair's
influence. Sandburg, too, had changed, he seemed more
responsible, less hyper but still an upbeat, optimistic person.
Simon would never admit it, even under threat of death, but he
enjoyed having Blair around.


Jim walked over to his captain, "Hey, sir, have you seen Sandburg around?"
he asked.


"He had to go to the university. Said he had an appointment there in
half an hour," Simon answered, watching his detective. Ah,
Ellison was pissed, there was the jaw clench.


"Thanks, sir," Jim said and walked toward his truck. He stopped
when he heard Simon, whispering, saying, "I really hope
she was worth it, Ellison." Jim turned around, thinking Simon
was talking to him, but saw that he had his back turned to Jim,
and was talking with Rafe.


Jim climbed into his truck, and sat there. He was feeling guilty. Very
guilty. He shouldn't have slept with Michelle, he knew it
would hurt Blair if the younger man found out. Which he obviously had--he
must have seen Jim and Michelle after he climbed out of
the pool. Dammit! Why did life have to be so complicated? He
still didn't know exactly what he wanted from Blair or from their relationship.
Despite his doubts, he'd continued having sex with
Blair and it was still great.


When he'd met Michelle, he'd felt an attraction, and later, when
she showed up on his doorstep... Jim had had this sudden need to
prove that he could still get it up for a woman, to prove that he wasn't
gay. Things had gone better with Michelle than they had
with Elaine, that was certain. He couldn't, however, escape what
was now the basic fact of his life: Blair was who he wanted and
needed the most. And that scared him more than anything ever had, even
more than his senses going haywire. Jim decided that he'd
best go and talk with Blair now, instead of letting the whole
issue fester.


Blair sat at his desk, staring at the same page of the paper he'd started
to correct almost 20 minutes ago. He couldn't
concentrate, he was still too upset by what Jim had done. It
wasn't like they'd said they'd be exclusive to one another, but
Blair had assumed Jim would be faithful. While Blair sometimes
went through lovers fairly quickly, hell, even dated (but not
slept with) two women at the same time, he never fucked around on any
of them and he'd expected Jim to be the same. This just
proved that he couldn't put his trust or faith in anyone or
anything other than Blair Sandburg, that he'd been foolish,
stupid even, to try. He threw down the pen in frustration, he
knew he'd never get any work done. In the short time Jim and he
had been together, Blair had managed to keep from blurting out
that he loved Jim, he knew that would freak Jim out. He didn't
want to scare the other man away.


Jim paused outside Blair's office door, listening. Good, his
Guide was in there, they had to have a little talk. He had no
idea what he was going to say to Blair, but he knew they had to
talk.


Jim knocked on the door, then walked in. Blair looked up at him,
and Jim could see the pain in his lover's eyes, and knew that he
was the cause of it. Jim went over and sat on the edge of Blair's desk,
facing him, then Jim grabbed a hold of Blair's hands.


Blair pulled his hands away from Jim, and looked at the bigger
man coolly. "What do you want, Jim?" he asked.


"Blair, I'm sorry about what happened with Michelle. I don't know what
came over me. I--"


"Save it, Jim, I don't care. I mean, it's not like we made a
commitment to each other or anything. I just thought you'd wait a little
while longer before fucking around on me," Blair said, his voice lacking
any real emotion.


"She didn't mean anything to me, Blair, I swear. I don't know why I did
it...she was there and..." Jim said, wanting Blair to
forgive him, needing Blair to forgive him.


"Maybe you just wanted to prove to yourself and the rest of the
world that you aren't a fag, even if you do enjoy fucking your
male roommate. Maybe that's what it was, huh, Jim?" Blair yelled
at Jim, standing up in front of him. "You don't want to be
labelled 'gay' because you sleep with me, do you? Doesn't fit in
with your 'masculine ideal' does it?" Blair finished, whirling
away from the older man.


Jim grabbed Blair's arm, turning him to face Jim again, "That
might be part of Blair, I'm not used to being lovers with a man,
it'll take me awhile. But what happened with Michelle, just
happened." Jim said, staring at Blair.


Blair avoided returning Jim's gaze, then spoke, in a whisper that Jim
could barely hear. "It just hurt so much, Jim. If you're
going to cheat on me, it will hurt too much, I won't be able to
handle it."


"Considering the way you treat the women you date, I'm surprised
that you even care," Jim said, starting to get angry.


"Jim, I might date more than one woman at a time, but I sure as
hell don't sleep with more than one at a time!" Blair yelled. He
then grabbed his jacket and backpack, heading for the door, he
couldn't take this.


"That's right Sandburg, run away--that's a great way to deal with your
problems. You're just like your mother," Jim yelled back.


Blair turned an icy gaze on the other man, "Fuck off, Jim and
leave my mother out of it--you know nothing about her or her
life. This is all my own fault, I should've known better than to
trust you--you're just like all the other men I've had in my
life. You lie, you cheat, you steal my--man, I gotta go," Blair
finished, stalking out of the room.


Blair sped home to the loft. He knew he had to get out of here,
get away. Get away from Jim and from this entire situation. He
could finish his dissertation without Jim, he had more than
enough information.


He quickly made his way up to the loft, let himself in, then went into
his bedroom. Which he hadn't slept in the past little while, he'd been
sharing Jim's bed. Blair quickly dragged out a couple
of large kit bags and started shoving his stuff into them. He
knew of one or two people that would let him crash at their place for
a bit, until he found somewhere else to live. All at once, it struck
him. Alone. He'd be alone. Without Jim. Suddenly, Blair
felt all his anger leave, and he felt drained and scared. Sitting down
on the floor, he tried to fight the tears but lost the
battle. He didn't want to leave Jim, didn't want to leave the
first place in his life he'd ever called home and meant it.
He really didn't want to leave.


Jim paused outside the front door, he could hear his young lover
crying. Quietly, he made his way into the loft, then over to
Blair's bedroom. He noticed the bags on the bed, that some of
Blair's clothes had been shoved into them. His heart almost broke at
the sight of Blair sitting on the floor, crying. Jim moved and sat down
behind Blair, pulling the younger man into his embrace.
Blair blindly sought the comfort of Jim's arms, his own arm
wrapping around the bigger man's waist, pressing his face against Jim's
shoulder. Jim held Blair as close as possible, stroking his hair, "Blair,
I'm sorry. Sorry for everything that's happened.
For what I said," Jim whispered.


His sobbing having trailed off to the occasional hiccup, Blair
nodded his head. "I'm sorry, too, Jim. I assumed too much about
us, stuff I shouldn't have, and messed it up," Blair said, his
voice vibrating against Jim's chest.


They stayed in their embrace for a long while, just holding each
other. Finally, Jim moved back, and tilted Blair's face so they
were looking at each other. He smiled and claimed Blair's mouth
in a gentle kiss, knowing that, right now, this was where he
wanted to be and who he wanted to be with.


As they broke the kiss, Blair almost told Jim that he loved him,
but the older man spoke first. "Sleep with me tonight. I mean
sleep, Chief. I'm too drained to do much more than that. What do
you say?" Jim asked.


Blair grinned up at the older man. "I'd like that a lot, Jim. I
really would."


Snuggling in closer to Jim, Blair sighed contentedly. While he
knew all their problems weren't solved, that they'd need some
time for that, all he cared about was right now. Right now, he
was in bed with the man he loved more than anything, and it was
where he wanted, and need, to be. He sighed again as he felt Jim
stroking his hair.


Jim smiled, he loved the silky feeling of Blair's hair as it
played over his fingers. He still had some doubts, hell, both of
them probably did, but at this moment it seemed as if they'd be
able to work all this out. At this moment Jim knew there was no
other place he wanted to be, than by this man's side.



End Guppy tales II : ...and released