Stolen Heaven part 3 We fought for good, stood side by side Our friendship never died But stranger ways that froze on highs, our vision touched the skies Mortal list -- the points to prove I put my trust in you I put my trust in you I put my trust in you... --Joy Division, "A Means to an End" Derek heard a soft rapping at his door and before he could answer, the door opened. "No, Alex, don't worry, I'll handle it," Derek heard Sloan say, then the older man ducked into his room and closed the door behind him. "Bad dream?" he asked softly. Derek tried to present a calm face but from the way Sloan looked at him, he knew he had to be a mess. He nodded, knowing that he couldn't hide it from the Legacy leader -- they had known each other for too long, and far too well. "The Sight, or something else?" Sloan asked, sitting on the edge of Derek's bed and gently smoothing his touseled hair. Derek initially ducked his head away from the gentle touch, but when Sloan continued he allowed the caress. "Not the Sight -- just memories..." "I guess they weren't good ones, then," Sloan whispered, moving closer and gently caressing Derek's cheek. "Are you all right?" "William, stop this. After everything that's happened, you know you can't just pick up where we left off," Derek said as strongly as he could manage. At the moment, it didn't sound very determined to him. "I'd be a fool to think I could, Derek. But, I'm -- concerned," he admitted, obviously uncomfortable in doing so but knowing that he would be even more of a fool to hide it at this point. "I would tell you not to worry, but that would be a lie," Derek said, equally aware that now was not the time to hide things. "I talked to Nick about this, and he said that I would be able to fight the darkness in me because I always have. I'm not so sure that's true -- my..." he blushed and cleared his throat, then continued, "...libido has always been -- somewhat strong. Now I suspect it may be because of the Watchers' influence." "It may well be," Sloan answered, "but I don't think you should consider it a weakness or a liability." Derek swallowed hard, images and sensations from his dream intruding on the present and reminding him exactly how much a liability it could be, and asked, "Are you willing to risk the safety of everyone in this House, possibly everyone in the Legacy on that? If I can be seduced physically, don't you think I can be seduced in other ways?" "How likely do you think this may be?" Sloan asked, realizing he was still caressing Derek, his fingers gently brushing the nape of his neck. And Derek was obviously starting to respond to his touch, his breathing growing faster and shallower. "Look at what you're doing, William," Derek said breathily, trying to control his body's reaction. "But you trust *me*," Sloan answered, moving closer even as Derek tried to pull away. "Gott, William, stop it," Derek whispered, suddenly feeling his chest constrict as inexplicable fear gripped him. Sloan let his hand fall and carefully studied Derek, seeing the fear in his eyes. "My God, Derek, what's *wrong*?" "I can't -- I just can't. Leave it at that, William," he answered abruptly. Before he could say anything else, the door opened, revealing Nick and Philip. Nick glared at Sloan, but it was Philip's reaction that surprised everyone. "Leave this room, *now*," Philip ordered the instant he saw Sloan sitting on Derek's bed. The Legacy leader looked up at the priest and, to Derek's and Nick's surprise, stood and headed for the door. "We'll discuss this later, Derek," Sloan said, turning back for a moment. Even though Derek nodded, Philip said, "Y' won't discuss it alone," in a tone that brooked no argument. As Sloan walked out, Philip nudged Nick further into the room, closed and locked the door behind him. Then he walked to Derek's bed and looked down at him. "Did 'e hurt you?" "What?" Nick asked, confused by his friend's reaction. He wasn't fond of Sloan but didn't think the man would *hurt* any of them, and yet here was Philip, the most gentle of them, attacking him like some kind of avenging angel... Philip ignored Nick's question and continued, "What was he doin' t'you?" "Calm down, Philip," Derek answered, "he was just talking with me." "You've got t' stop defendin' him, Derek," Philip said. "Um -- can I cut in here for a second?" Nick asked, walking around to the other side of the bed as Philip sat on the edge of it next to Derek. "Just *what* is going on?" "Philip seems to think that William is going to do me harm..." Derek answered. "Wouldn' be th' first time," Philip muttered unhappily. "Nick, sit down an' I'll explain. Maybe I c'n talk some sense inta Derek, as well." "Philip, it's not as bad as you seem to think it is," Derek protested, although he smiled wanly when Nick sat next to him and began massaging his shoulders. "Oh, o'course it isn't -- no' to you at least, you were drugged at th' time and don' remember it!" Philip said, his exasperation evident in his tone. "Derek, do I have your permission t'tell him?" "If you must," Derek sighed. He knew Philip would tell Nick anyway, and there was no use in hiding it from him now. Nick looked nervously from one to the other, then settled back against the headboard and encouraged Derek to lean against him. Philip nodded and said, "He has a right t'know. Nick, back b'fore you joined th' Legacy, Derek, Sloan, and your father went on some missions t'gether. The three of 'em were pretty close -- as close as we are now..." Nick stared at him, incredulous, for a moment, then asked, "Sloan, Derek, and *my father*?!" When Philip and Derek both nodded, Nick shook his head and said, "I don't *believe* it..." "I'm sorry, Nick," Derek whispered, "I never meant to hurt you with this..." "Hell, you and him were friends -- I always knew that. I just never expected my father to be...damn." Nick shook his head and said, "You learn something new every day." "Sorry, Nick," Philip said. Then he took a deep breath and continued, "Somethin' went really wrong on one'o them an' Derek got hurt pretty bad. Th' doctors put him on some strong painkillers so he wasn' exactly in full control of his faculties. "Sloan an' your da thought it would be a good idea t' spend some time with him, if y'know what I mean, an' refused t'take no for an answer. And the next mornin' Sloan had th' balls to tell 'im nothin' happened." "Philip..." Derek said softly, "That's not how it--" "Yes, it is, Derek! I heard th' whole thing -- I shoulda stopped them b'fore it went too far," Philip said. "They forced ya..." "They raped you?" Nick asked angrily. Derek could feel muscles tightening in him and knew he had to stop this before he forced a confrontation with Sloan. "No, Nick, they didn't rape me," Derek said despite the look Philip was giving him. "William was...pursuasive." "Meanin' he badgered you and kept pettin' you until you couldn' say no anymore," Philip countered. "I should have stopped it." "Gods, Philip, don't blame yourself for it," Derek said, shaking his head. "It wasn't..." He trailed off, knowing he had to tell them the whole thing now or neither of them would ever trust Sloan again. "It wasn't William's or Jonathan's fault," he began. After a deep, steadying breath, he continued, "On that mission, I ran into something I wasn't ready to deal with. I ended up tied to an altar and nearly sacrificed to something...foul and terrible..." He shuddered, his face suddenly pale at the memory, "He -- *it* touched me -- raped me, I guess. I don't really remember very clearly and don't think I want to. When William and Jonathan saved me, I was half dead from my wounds and couldn't tell them what happened. After a while, the memories faded to unconscious fears, and that's why...that's why I must have tried to get them to stop. I was terrified..." "So, like I said, they forced ya," Philip muttered angrily. Derek sighed and said, "They probably didn't believe I really meant it that time..." Nick snorted and Philip raised an eyebrow, then Nick muttered, "Still sounds like it's at least a case of...date rape." "At th' *very* least," Philip said coldly. "Philip, I forgive William -- and Jonathan," Derek began. "They had no idea. I should have explained, and I didn't. It was as much my mistake as theirs. Please, don't let this one incident keep causing trouble -- it was over so long ago." "It's not over," Nick began quietly. "This is why you can't stand anyone topping you in bed -- the whole damned thing is *still* affecting you!" His voice grew louder as he spoke until Derek flinched from him. Philip caught Nick's eye and shook his head, and Nick stopped, realizing both he and Derek were shaking. He reached out and stroked Derek's hair again, whispered, "Derek, I'm sorry -- please..." Derek took a shaky breath and nodded, then looked back at Nick. "You're right, but it's not William and your father who caused that -- it was...it was that creature." "Who summoned it?" Philip asked, a sudden cold feeling gripping his chest. He never had been able to find out, despite checking through reports and journals of the time. Derek had taken great care to keep the incident from becoming any kind of public knowledge... "I--" Derek started, choking as his throat closed for a moment, "I'm sorry I hid it from everyone, but I was ashamed..." _Sweet Mary Mother of God...please let me be wrong,_ Philip thought, the cold feeling sinking into his gut. "It was Victor Arkadi, wasn't it." Derek nodded, but even after swallowing hard and clearing his throat couldn't make himself say anything. Nick frowned darkly and said, "I always thought he'd done something really unpleasant and personal to you, Derek... We ever catch him again, he's a dead man!" Derek leaned back against Nick and closed his eyes, but before he did, Philip saw pain and sadness reflected in the hazel depths. Something was very, very wrong... "I'm goin' to talk t' Sloan," Philip said, his voice much harder than it usually was. "Nick, you stay with Derek for a while. Once I deal with th' old problem, I'll come back an' you can tell me what th' new problem is." "Don't be too harsh, Philip," Derek whispered, his eyes still closed. "It's up t' him, Derek," Philip responded, then he stood and walked from the room. Nick hugged Derek close, relieved when the older man turned in his arms and returned the hug. "You okay, Derek?" Nick asked softly, knowing how rare it was for the Precept to let down his barriers so completely -- for the same reason Nick knew he never would have made a good commander in the SEALs he knew he would never be able to do the job of Precept, walking that fine line between being strong for one's team and unhealthily shutting everything off. "Ja," Derek whispered against him, although his voice was thick with unshed tears. "For now, at least... I think perhaps you should make sure Philip doesn't do William any permanent damage." "Uh uh, I'm staying with you," Nick said. "You should get some more rest, and I'll see if I can keep the nightmares away again." Derek seemed reluctant at first, but Nick could tell he was tired, and a moment later he nodded and said "You're right." He lay down again, and Nick settled next to him, one arm wrapped protectively around him. It wasn't long before Derek was asleep again. --==**==-- Seen the troubles and the evils of this world I've seen the stretches between godliness and sin I've had the promise and confessions of true faith And the hypocrisy that always lies within... --Joy Division, "The Drawback" Philip shut the door behind him and took a deep breath, readying himself for possible battle. He walked to the landing and looked down at the living room, seeing Sloan reading a book that looked suspiciously like a Legacy journal. There was no sign of Alex, and he suspected that Sloan had dismissed her or sent her back to the Control room. Now was the best time. He walked down the stairs and stopped in front of Sloan, then said "We need t'have words. Now." Sloan looked up at him, his expression calm and disinterested, then nodded and stood. "Where? Derek's office might be the best place, there's little chance of being interrupted there." Philip nodded and headed to Derek's office without even waiting to see if Sloan was following. Once they were both in the room, he shut the door and turned on the older man. "How *dare* you come in here an' take advantage of him again, ya bastard!" "Now, Philip," Sloan began calmly, well aware of the reality behind the stereotype of the Irish temper, "I was not taking advantage of him -- I was concerned. He's under a lot of stress--" "Which I understand you've caused," Philip said flatly. Then, "I'm not talkin' 'bout that, Sloan. You *know* what I'm talkin' about. I know what happened tha' night, and I heard ya tellin' him nothin' happened. I heard you *lie* t'Derek after y'hurt him, and I'm not lettin' you hurt him again!" Philip could see Sloan's calm crumbling, but instead of the anger he had expected he caught a glimpse of sorrow, quickly covered. "And what, you'll tell everyone what I did to him? We could get into a guilt discussion here, *Father* Callaghan. I know how close you and Derek and Nick are, and I know just how much damage the right words to the right people could do you." "So, you're threatenin' me now?" Philip challenged, unconcerned. After the mess with Ravenwood, he knew Derek and the Legacy mattered more to him anyway. "No, Philip, I'm not," Sloan answered, and the sorrow returned. "You don't know how much I envy you two," he whispered. "I destroyed my chance to have that kind of relationship with him when -- you don't know how sorry I am about that mess, Philip..." "And wha' makes you think I b'lieve you?" "I don't know, Philip. All I can tell you is that Jonathan and I had been drinking and weren't using our judgement. We wanted Derek, and when he asked us to stop... I swear to you, Philip, we thought he was teasing! We didn't think he really wanted us to stop -- not until he was crying...then we realized what we'd done. I was so ashamed of it that I made an even worse error trying to make him believe we hadn't hurt him...I didn't want him hating us." "An' y'think this makes it all right?" Philip asked, angry but fully aware of the pain in the older man's eyes. Had he been torturing himself with this the whole time, too? "No, Philip, nothing can ever make it all right. Nothing can ever erase what we did to him -- I wish somehow I could, but I'm not a fool," Sloan answered sadly. "You've got t'tell him, Sloan," Philip said. "Tha's the only way t'fix any of this." "I know..." Sloan answered softly. "I'd prefer to do it without you and Nick there -- but if you won't trust me then I won't stop you..." "I'll warn you Nick's about ready t'take your head right off -- I think he'd do th'same to his da if he were here right now," Philip said with a slight smile. "An' y'won't get him out o'there if you're in th' room with Derek." "Then I'd rather have you there, too. At least you seem to have a buffering effect on our young Mr. Boyle," Sloan said with a tentative smile. He knew this matter was part of the difficulty between him and Derek, but he had been too ashamed of his own actions to do anything about it until now. _And,_ he thought, still ashamed, _the only reason I'm doing it now is because Philip is pushing me into it...You can be such a coward sometimes, William Sloan. Derek deserves so much better!_ Philip saw the turmoil within Sloan, the sadness at what he'd lost and the guilt over the way he'd lost it, and decided that the older man was telling him the truth. No one could lie and still hurt that much over what he had done... "I'll see if I c'n talk Nick out o' there," he said softly, "this is somethin' you should have privacy for." "Thank you for understanding, Philip..." "Jus' keep in mind, if y'ever hurt him again, I won' get in Nick's way," Philip warned, and then he walked out of Derek's office and headed for Derek's room. Nick came out of his doze the instant Philip opened the door, going immediately into 'guard' mode -- at least, as immediately as he could with Derek wrapped around him, his erection pressed against Nick's hip. "What's -- up?" he asked as Derek moaned softly and moved against him. Philip looked at Derek with dismay and stepped into the room, then closed the door quickly behind him. "I talked t' Sloan -- he's actually sorry 'bout wha' happened. He wants t' apologize." He saw the blush spread across Nick's face as Derek's motions became more obvious. "Y'd better wake him up b'fore that goes much further..." Nick nodded and shook Derek gently, then again more firmly when he didn't wake up. "Come on, Derek, time to wake up..." He turned to Philip and said, "At least it's not nightmares this time." Another shake, and Derek muzzily looked up and smiled sleepily. "It's time t'wake up, Derek," Philip said softly, kneeling down beside the bed. "Sloan wants t'talk t'you." Derek suddenly became more alert as the recent discussion came flooding back. "Ah-- give me a few moments, please?" Derek asked, letting go of Nick and sitting up. Nick climbed out of the bed, and Derek took a few deep, calming breaths, willing his body back under control. After a moment or two, it actually listened to him. "You okay?" Nick asked, jamming his hands into his jeans pockets. When Derek nodded, he turned to Philip and said, "Okay, let him in. This should be interesting." "I told him we'd leave th'room," Philip said softly, standing. "I think they deserve some privacy for this..." "You believe whatever kind of crap he told you?" Nick blurted, looking at Philip as if he was insane. "Yes, I do, Nick," Philip answered softly. "But I did warn 'im if he ever hurts Derek again, I won' stop you..." "You're nuts, Philip," Nick said, shaking his head. "He's got to be lying -- or just saying this so we won't beat the crap out of him..." "No, he isn't," Derek cut in softly. "Despite our arguments, and any mistakes William has made, he's still a decent man. He's human, just like--" He paused, just long enough for Philip to notice it, then continued, "the rest of us, and he makes mistakes. We *all* make mistakes -- Philip knows how important forgiveness is..." Nick frowned and heaved an annoyed sigh, muttered, "If he tries anything you don't like, I swear I'll make him pay!" but finally nodded. "Okay, I'll go." "Thank you, Nick," Derek and Philip both said, although Philip was still studying Derek carefully. Finally, he asked, "You ready, Derek?" The older man nodded, and Philip opened the door. He and Nick walked out, allowing Sloan to enter. On the way past, Nick whispered, "Hurt him, and I hurt you...Precept or no Precept." Sloan made eye contact with Nick and nodded, and the sorrow and understanding in his eyes surprised the ex-SEAL. Perhaps Philip was right, after all... Sloan stood beside Derek's bed for a minute, looking down at him and trying to steady his nerves before he spoke. Finally, he asked, "May I sit down?" Derek nodded and moved over, giving Sloan more room on the edge of the bed. As the older man sat down, Derek leaned back against the headboard and met his gaze. "Philip told you," Sloan began. "Yes, he did," Derek responded quietly. "I...don't have a very clear memory of that time -- I don't really want to remember what happened. But, I do remember--" He paused for a deep breath, realized he was shaking. "I think I remember you telling me... Damn it, William, is what he's saying the truth? How could you use me like that?" Sloan looked down, unable to look Derek in the eyes, and said, "I'm sorry, Derek. I truly am. I just-- we--" He stopped, looked up again, "I didn't think you really wanted us to stop -- neither of us really knew how badly you'd been hurt, and -- and we had been drinking a little. We thought you were being a tease. Until you started crying, that is...then I realized what I'd done and I was so ashamed I-- I wanted to make the whole thing go away. The next day when you asked me what had happened, I told you nothing had, that you'd had bad dreams." He stopped and took a deep breath, realizing that everything had come out in a rush. "God, Derek, I'm so sorry -- I *never* wanted to hurt you, neither did Jonathan -- we just...*didn't think*." Derek nodded slowly, able to feel that Sloan was telling him the truth. "You know Nick is not happy about this -- he may never forgive you." "I know. But he's not the one I'm most worried about now, Derek," Sloan said softly. "I know we can never go back to what we had -- for many more reasons than just this -- but..." Derek bowed his head, thinking about what he had said to Philip. "I told Philip I forgive you," he said quietly. "I wasn't lying. You should have listened to me when I asked you to stop, but it wasn't as if there was any kind of pattern of abuse -- it was an isolated incident. I should have told you what I remembered of what happened before you rescued me, but I just wanted the whole thing to go away, too; so that contributed to your misunderstanding. Mistakes were made on both sides, but it's over." "Thank you, Derek," Sloan said. "I -- thank you." "I suppose now you're getting hives from being so nice to me," Derek said with a smile, sitting up and stretching. "Something like that," Sloan said with an answering smile. "So, I think it's time I got out of this bed and explained to my people why I've been hidden away up here all afternoon," Derek said, standing and stretching again. He was aware of the appreciative look Sloan gave him as his pajama bottoms slid lower, but schooled his face into a disapproving mask before he turned around. "Go on, tell them I'll be along shortly. Have them finish up whatever they're working on and wait for me in the control room. You know what files to call up from the archives." Sloan nodded, seeing the twinkle in his eyes that Derek was unable to hide, and frowned as he adjusted the pajama bottoms. "William, you're incorrigible. Out," Derek directed with a smile. "You still have to make it past Nick in one piece..." Sloan smiled wryly and said, "He's a good man, Derek. That kind of loyalty isn't easy to find." "I know," Derek answered. "I just hope I'm truly worthy of it." "You are, Derek. Believe me, you are," Sloan answered, then he left Derek alone with his thoughts. --==**==-- To be continued in part 4 Poltergeist: The Legacy is (c) 1997 MGM/UA and Trilogy Entertainment. This story is not intended to infringe on these copyrights. Stolen Heaven is (c) 1997 Penemuel