Title: Trick or Treat

Authors: Mick'n'Star

Fandom: X-Men

Rating: NC17 definitely no doubt about it

Disclaimer: We don't own Logs and Rems we do own halloweenet. Important thingie is: we make no money on it! Copyright: believe it or not we have copyright

NOTE: Ok we're in a major writers' block here, so we respond to naughty Peja's challenge this demented way. We have a parody thingie going in our clan and we used that format, like a script continuity, because it's flexible enough to use. Read at your peril. Do not archive elsewhere and if you find it in your generous hearts to give feedback, give. Blarf is acceptable. Also 'what the fuck…?' or similar. Thank you for not sending posse after us.

TRICK OR TREAT
by Mick'n'Star

LOGAN
What is *that*, Gumbo?

REMY
< sigh > *That* is a costume. It happens to be Halloween. Halloween, you know? The last night of October. People put on costumes and revel.

LOGAN
I am not people, I'm a mutant.

REMY
Mutants are people, Logs. Now try it on.

LOGAN
Nah.

REMY
<cajoling> C'mon Wolviepooh, do it for your Rems…!

LOGAN
Nah.

REMY
<even more cajoling> Oh please…. For your Remmypooh…? Who loves you soooooo muuuuch…? Pleeeeease? <kneels theatrically> On bended kne… <ogles bulge in Logan's pants> <waddles on knees nearer to target> <breathing hot breath on said bulge> For your Remmyloveypooh who will reward his Woofieloveypooh oh so amply for this small favour…?
Oui?

LOGAN
<weakening - especially at the knees> Welllll… <puts hand on zipper>

REMY
<jumping agilely back> After our revels out, oui? <smiles enchantingly>

LOGAN
<growl> You are a tease. Can't stand teases. <grumble> Why in hell do I ever put up with you?

REMY
<tilts head, considering> Because I'm the only one who puts up with you?

LOGAN
<GRAB!>

REMY
Ooof! Let go!

LOGAN
Nah… c'mere you tease…

REMY
<dignified> After you revel with me. Let me go!

LOGAN
<evil grin> No.

REMY
<fizzle…>

LOGAN
<snickt>

REMY
<changes tactics and melts into Logan's arms> Oooooo… you are soooo manly! <abruptly leans back into the Wolverine claws>

LOGAN
<yelp> Hey! < opens arms dramatically>

REMY
<THUD> <gets up rubbing a delectable ass> Will you put your krotting costume on? <rub rub rub>

LOGAN
<sigh> You really are annoying, you know?

REMY
Weh. <rub rub rub> Now you've whinged long enough, put it on.

LOGAN
<suspiciously> What exactly is it?

REMY
Can't you see? <rub rub rub> The *mighty* Wolverine has gone blind,
oui?

LOGAN
Less of the sarcasm, Gumbo. <goes to offending costume> I can see it's black… fur? Black fur????? *What* is this thing?

REMY
Black fur… shiny… slitted blue eyes… retractable claws… no clue?

LOGAN
<turning black pelt this way and that> No… can't see what… *what* are those? <looking horrified at paws>

REMY
<quite unnecessarily> Paws. With darling lil holes for your krotting real life claws.

LOGAN
A cat????

REMY
<austere> No.

LOGAN
You have got me a sodding Sabretooth costume????!!!!!

REMY
<turn gorgeous ruby and onyx eyes ceilingwards> O gods of thieves give me patience!

LOGAN
<sidetracked> Are you praying? I thought you dint pray.

REMY
<SNAP> <yelling at top of voice> IT IS A FREAKING PANTHER!!!!!! I DO NOT FUCKING PRAY!!!!!!! I AM NOW GOING TO KILL YOU IF YOU DO NOT PUT THAT KROTTING BLUE KROTTING EYED KROTTING PANTHER COSTUME WITH THE KROTTING HOLES FOR YOU KROTTING CLAWS!!!!!!!! AND FROM TODAY ON YOU CAN KROTTING WANK!!!!!!!!!!

LOGAN
<taken aback> eeek. Alright don't get het up. Sheeeeesh… but you're excitable. I'm putting it on see? <mutter> I look a right berk in this…

REMY
<calming down in a second> It's very becoming on you, Woofiepooh. <dons own costume> Now we can go revel.

LOGAN
<still struggling with panther thingie> What are you coming as… Oh no. No. Nonononono. And that's final.

REMY
<twirling black cape> Why, Logs? Don't I look good?

LOGAN
<incensed> Did you *paint* that black on your skin? It's indecent. I look a right berk and you look like 'come-and-get-me'! I utterly refuse to go out with you dressed like… like… like a rent boy!

REMY
<offended to the core> Very well. I will go alone. <Exit door not even bothering to slam it.

LOGAN
<solo> I hate him when he gets like that! I hate him hate him hate him! <shouting to the ambient air> I HATE YOU, BLOODY CAJUN!!!!! DO YOU HEAR ME???? HATE YOU???????

---------------------------------------

Halloween night streets - any town will do actually -

REMY
<swishes cape a bit sadly> Stupid Logan…

REVELER 1
Hey, luscious, all alone?

REMY
<supercilious> Actually no. I have a panther somewhere.

REVELLER 1
Is that thing painted on? I can see *everything*! <smirk>

REMY
<fizzle fizzle fizzle… BANGBANGBANG> And *stay* away!

REVELLER 1
OUCH!!!!! <runs away>

LOGAN
<rasping at Rems' back> You in a foul mood, ay?

REMY
<gasp> Logs!!!!!

LOGAN
<stage whispering rasp> Sshh! Am incognito.

REMY
<overjoyed> Oh I love you so… Mr Panther!

LOGAN
<grinning> Shall we revel?

REMY
<enthusiastic> Weh!!!!!!

<<they revel. After a longish bit of revelling>>

LOGAN
Well…

REMY
<fondly> Well… The night is getting old…

LOGAN
<fatuously> I'm not getting any younger either… so… What do we do
now?

REMY
<innocently> Trick or treat?

LOGAN
Mmmmm… Trick?

REMY
<evil grin>

--------------------------------------------

Mansion, boathouse, woods… pick a setting

REMY
<swirl peel grab kiss lick tickle giggle ZIP! Lap lap lap>

LOGAN
<grunt ugh gasp grunt heave heave TEAR!>

REMY
<PLOP> That poor panther costume…! <giggle - GLOMP>

LOGAN
Aaahhhh… ahhhh… ahhhhh….

REMY
<SUCK LICK LAP SPITTLE GULP SUCK BITE LIPS LICK LAP GLUG GLUG GLUG
SWALLOW GAG SUCK LIPS TEETH LICK LICK LICK>

LOGAN
<HOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!> <gasp pant pant pant> Aaaaaaahhhhh… <pant pant pant> <looks at Rems with evil red glint in blue orbs> <panting>
That was a nice trick, Gumbo. Now how about the treat?

END