Title: Out of the Darkness: Love and Hate

Author: Lexi Krycek

Fandom: X-files

Pairing: Mulder/Krycek

Rating: I’d say probably a strong R.

Warning: Definite Male/Male relationship, though no blatant sex. Mentions of rape. Violence. Language

Spoilers: Vague sentences here and there but nothing that you would catch if you hadn’t seen a particular episode.

Summary: A late night visitor forces Scully to look at her partner in a new light.

Beta thanks: Big, wonderful heartfelt thanks go to two special people. Demi-X for helping me thrash things out and for the encouragement to get this part finished and posted. Teresa for putting up with hearing "So what do you think Alex would do if ……" constantly. I love you guys.

Also, thanks to Jean for giving me a great opinion and info for future parts… Here’s to friends - both old and new.. ! Peace guys!

Note: Mulder is subjected to a severe beating and rape approximately three weeks or so before the time frame of this story. This is not a graphic rape story but there are some flashbacks and conversations about the abuse. I'm not a doctor and I don't have a lot of medical information about his condition and treatment. I apologize for this lack of knowledge but this story isn't really about the rape. It’s about what happens afterwards. I know Mulder seems to get over the worst of his condition fairly quickly and I'm not trying to minimize the seriousness of such a terrible crime but just forgive me this once. This story doesn't really follow canon and it’s definitely AU. Krycek has both of his arms and he will stay that way (no thanks to CC) because this is my little world.

Disclaimer: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully and Alex Krycek all belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I’ve begged until I was blue in the face but the best I could do was borrow them for a little while. Demi belongs to herself and she kindly let me use her too because I told her a little white lie. Absolutely no money was made from this story. It’s all done in fun.

Out of the Darkness: Love and Hate

by Lexi Krycek

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
September 2000
Mulder’s hospital room
2:16 am
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dana Scully hated hospitals. The smell of disinfectant, the hustle and bustle and beeping and wheezing. She dreaded it all. A strange sentiment considering the fact that she had a medical degree. Anyone who took a look at her and her partner’s medical histories though, could understand her feelings a little better.

Even setting aside the time she had spent in the hospital fighting her cancer, Scully probably logged more hours in the ER and ICU than most residents. She had stuck by Mulder’s side for everything from broken bones and stitches to alien retro-viruses. She couldn't help but associate medical facilities with pain.

Now this.

This had to be the worst.

Scully sat in the dark room and watched Mulder sleep. His sleep was far from peaceful and she ran a weary hand through her hair. She had been sitting here for several hours now just watching him and she was tired of trying to keep her emotions in check. She wanted to yell and scream and cry at the unfairness of it all, but mostly she wanted to rip apart the monsters that had hurt her partner. She forced these feelings down into the deepest, darkest part of her soul, rose from the chair and silently made her way to the connecting washroom. She didn't turn on the light so that she wouldn't disturb Mulder.

At least that’s what she told herself.

If she was honest, she didn’t think she could bear seeing her reflection in the mirror right now. Ever since she had found her partner brutally beaten, raped and left for dead on her living room floor she had felt her whole body harden into an impenetrable shell. She was afraid that, if she looked into the mirror above the little metal sink, she would see a version of herself that she would never be able to forget. Thoughts of revenge and retribution ran through her mind so violently that she thought her face would shatter from the strain of trying to appear normal.

She had just reached for the faucet to splash some cool water on her face, when she heard a noise in Mulder’s room. Silently, she peered around the edge of the door and was shocked to see a dark figure glide up to the bed.

//Krycek//

//That bastard! He can't even leave Mulder alone while he’s in the hospital?//

Scully slowly started to slide her gun from the holster but froze as Krycek reached out to brush a lock of hair from Mulder’s eyes. For some reason that she couldn't fathom, Scully let her fingers loosen and the gun slid back into the firm leather.

//What the hell is he doing?//

Against her better judgment, Scully waited to see what Krycek was going to do. She figured if he started to do something life threatening to Mulder, she had plenty of time to put a stop to it. Krycek let his fingers skim down Mulder’s face until he was softly tracing the bruises the two assailants had left behind. Mulder moaned softly and turned his head so that he was unconsciously nuzzling Krycek’s hand. Scully watched the triple agent as he leaned towards Mulder and whispered quietly in his ear. She couldn't make out the words, but she realized that he was trying to wake Mulder up without frightening him.

For a minute, Scully thought that Krycek wasn't going to be any more successful than the rest of them. Mulder was a pro at shutting people out and he had been ignoring everyone, all day. Preferring instead to retreat to his own personal oblivion. He had been through an ordeal that she didn't even want to imagine and today had been a particularly bad day.

Photographic memories were great until you were *trying* to forget.

What the hell made Krycek believe that he could come waltzing in here and succeed where she -- where everyone else had failed?

Unexpectedly, Mulder opened his eyes.

Scully forced herself not to make any noise that would give her position away to the two men. The hurt washed over her. She had been trying for days to get some type of response from Mulder and Krycek comes waltzing in and gets a reaction in thirty seconds.

"Hey G-man." She heard him whisper. She couldn't pinpoint the emotion in Krycek’s voice, but she knew that it wasn't the scathing tones that the two men usually adopted when dealing with each other. Krycek pulled his hand away from Mulder’s face, and Scully didn't miss the lost look that flashed briefly across the older man’s features. Scully knew that Mulder wouldn't be able to talk back right away, and Krycek seemed to come to the same conclusion a heartbeat later.

"I'm sure your throat’s probably trashed. Do you need some ice, Fox?" Alex asked him, still keeping his voice low.

Scully was amazed when Mulder nodded his head in response to Krycek’s query without even so much as a glare to protest the use of that hated name.

//Fox? Since when did Alex Krycek use Mulder’s first name? And when the hell did Mulder start *letting* him?//

Krycek reached for the Styrofoam cup filled with ice chips that Scully had refilled not fifteen minutes before and slowly fed some to the man lying before him. There was silence for several minutes, broken only by the sound of ice crunching every once in a while. The monitors that had made silence impossible for weeks had all been taken away a couple of days ago. Mulder had been determined healthy enough to survive on his own, and Scully had never been happier. The only reason he was still in the hospital was for physical therapy to get his body strong again.

That, and the fact that he wouldn't eat. Wouldn't speak unless it was absolutely necessary. Wouldn't let anyone touch him, although he would let Scully hold his hand and sometimes wouldn't flinch when she stroked his face like Krycek had. It was so hard to sit here and watch him hurt, day after day, and not be able to comfort him.

"Why aren't you talking, Fox?" Krycek questioned. "And don't look so surprised. Did you really think that I'd leave you in here without knowing exactly what was going on with you? Now answer the question. Why aren't you talking? Or more to the point, why aren't you at least talking to Scully?"

Almost gasping with surprise, Scully watched Mulder shake his head back and forth for a moment. Then she heard him cough softly then force words past his unused throat.

"I'm scared, Alex." He croaked, "If I talk." He coughed again. "If I talk they'll want to know what happened."

"But if they know what happened, they can help you through it." Krycek stared down at the bruises that covered the agent’s face and chest and Scully saw his body tense. "Don't you think you should at least talk to Scully about it. She wants to help you, Fox. I’m sure it’s killing her that you won't talk to her."

"It’s not that I don't *want* to tell her, Alex. I want to confide in her so badly." Mulder paused again and Krycek fed him some more ice chips before he could continue. "I'm just afraid that if I talk about what happened, they'll come back and do it again. The fear is eating me alive."

Mulder leaned his head back hard against the pillows; eyes squeezed shut as if trying to block out the memories.

"I hate being afraid, Alex. I hate it."

"I know, lyubov." Krycek’s voice was a soft murmur that barely made it to Scully’s hiding place.

"This whole thing . . . everything that happened . . .I'm just so stupid."

"You’re not stupid, Fox." Krycek argued, "You’re not stupid at all. You've been through hell and you’re scared. That’s normal. But I promise you that it won't happen again. They can't hurt you anymore."

Mulder’s eyes opened suddenly and he looked at Krycek with a harsh expression on his face. "You made me another promise not too long ago, Alex. You didn't keep that one, so why should I believe this one?"

Scully saw the look of pure agony that momentarily stole the beauty from Krycek’s face and was confused. What was Mulder talking about? And why did Krycek look so guilty? He never wasted time on guilt or regret.

"You promised you'd keep me safe, you bastard. You said you wouldn't let them hurt me." The anger in Mulder’s voice was a knife that twisted in the other man’s gut. "You knew what they were planning to do to me and you told me that you wouldn't let it happen."

When Krycek didn't say anything to defend himself, Mulder’s anger disappeared. Now there was just hurt in his gravely voice.

"I begged you, Alex." Mulder whispered into the darkness. "I begged you in my mind to come and get me out of there. To make them stop. You had promised me. Promised me that you wouldn't let them hurt me. I trusted that promise but you never came. Why?"

Krycek backed away from the bed and literally stumbled into the chair across the room. He leaned forward and buried his face in his hands, but not before Scully saw the tear tracks that glistened in the vague light of the doorway.

"Why didn't you come, Alex?" Mulder repeated and waited as if his whole life depended on the answer.

"I tried, Fox." Alex stumbled over the words and Scully couldn't believe that she was listening to the same Krycek that she had known over the last several years. She had never heard his voice so filled with pain. "I swear I tried to get back to you. I was too late."

A soft groan brought Krycek’s gaze back to Mulder and he jumped up when he realized that his ex-partner was trying to get out of bed.

"What the hell are you doing?" Alex demanded, "You shouldn't be getting up."

"Calm down, Alex." Mulder told him quietly as he laboriously swung his legs over the edge of the bed and settled some of his weight on them. "I've been practicing. It’s something to occupy my mind at night when the nightmares try to drive me insane. I can do this. You just have to give me a couple of minutes, okay?"

"What’s the deal, Fox? Why do you have to get out of bed at all?" Alex looked as puzzled as Scully felt as she watched her partner stand beside the bed. He had a death grip on the rail and she could see that he was already shaking with exertion.

"There’s something I want to do." Mulder answered without explaining anything at all. "Could you close and lock the door for me and then *please* sit back down?"

Krycek hesitated for about half a heartbeat, then did what Mulder asked. Even with the door now cutting off the light from the hallway, there was enough moon light shining through the window to bath the room in a soft glow. When Krycek was seated in the chair again, Mulder grabbed one of the blankets off his bed and threw it onto the floor at the young man’s feet. He stood there for a moment, pale skin almost glowing in the moonlight, black pajama bottoms blending seamlessly into the shadows. Bruises and all, he was breathtakingly beautiful at that moment. Scully heard Krycek catch his breath when Mulder looked at him.

// What the *hell* is going on here? This wasn't Mulder and this wasn't Alex Krycek. The two people in that room were as alien to her as Mulder’s little gray men. //

"So what now?" Alex asked, "You gonna come over here and kick my ass?" The words could have been a tease, but they were weighted down with so much guilt that Scully found herself almost feeling sorry for the younger man.

Mulder let out a derisive snort. "Yeah, Krycek. Give me about an hour and I should have enough strength to take a swing at you. But you have to promise not to laugh yourself sick when I miss and fall on my lame ass."

Krycek winced at Mulder’s words even though they were said in jest. He clenched his hands so tightly that his nails drew little half moons of blood.

"I'm so sorry, Fox." He groaned as Mulder took slow, hesitant steps away from the safety of the bed. "If there was any way in the world for me to be able to trade places with you, I would do it in a heartbeat. If I could take all the pain away, I would."

"I know, Alex. I know. I didn't mean to make you think that I blame you for all this. I don't. The thought of you and of Scully were the only things that kept me sane." Mulder stopped a couple of steps from Krycek and reached out for something - anything - that he could hold on to before the weakness made him fall. Scully had to grab the towel rack by her side to prevent her from running to help her friend. She should have known that Krycek would see Mulder’s predicament also and move to help him. Mulder actually let Krycek hold onto his arm and lead him to his chair.

"No, Alex." Mulder corrected, "The blanket. I want to sit on the blanket and I want you to sit with me. Okay?"

"Sure, Fox. Anything."

Scully watched as Krycek helped Mulder get comfortable on the blanket. Then he eased himself down behind the hazel-eyed man, being very careful not to touch him without prior warning.

"Don't treat me like I'm going to break, Alex." Mulder sighed. "Everyone around here acts like I'm made of glass. I don't need you doing it too."

When Alex still didn't make a move, Mulder inched himself between Krycek’s outstretched legs and leaned back against his chest. Scully couldn't believe her eyes. Mulder hated Krycek, but here he was treating his worst enemy like he was a loved one. It bothered her that Mulder was letting Krycek touch and caress him like nothing was wrong. None of his friends could even get close to him without the man cringing in fear.

Hell, she considered herself lucky when he allowed the infrequent hugs and here he was almost crawling into Alex Krycek’s skin. What kind of fucked up relationship did the two of them have? Krycek slid his arms around Mulder’s waist, hesitating for a moment when he felt Mulder tense and then pulling him close when the man relaxed once more. Mulder pulled away slightly though, so that when he leaned up against him again, his head rested on Alex’s cotton clad chest. The two men sat like that for several minutes.

Quiet. . . Still . . . Warm . . . Familiar.

Then Mulder spoke again. Some of the anger was back in his voice, but not a lot. Enough though that Scully knew that Mulder was hurting and she hated Krycek even more for causing that hurt.

"Tell me, Alex." He murmured, "Tell me why you weren't there when I needed you.".

"So we’re just gonna jump right in, eh?" His tone was intentionally bland and Scully knew that it was to try and hide the pain he felt. "You don't pull any punches, do you?"

Mulder didn't answer, and Alex shifted slightly to get comfortable and sat quietly for a moment.

"Of course you don't." He answered himself and brought one hand up to lightly comb his fingers through the soft silk of Mulder’s hair. "You never have. Why change now?"

"Alex, you’re stalling." Mulder chided, "Why?"

"Because I failed you, Fox!" The younger man lamented, burying his face in the hair that he had been stroking. "I think I'm so fucking great. This bad ass killer that’s always one step ahead of everyone. Not this time, Fox. This time they were playing me from square one. They knew. *He* knew. He knew I was trying to protect you and he tricked me."

"Tell me what happened, Alex." Mulder had his head turned into Alex’s chest and the words sounded muffled. "Calm down and talk to me."

Scully shook her head in amazement. How did that happen? The victim had suddenly become the comforter. The killer - a frightened, angry child. Suddenly she knew that this relationship - if you could call it that - wasn't something new. It had been building for a long time. Why hadn't she noticed? Was Mulder that good at keeping a secret, or had Scully seen the clues but ignored them rather than face the fact that Krycek had been slowly becoming a part of her best friend’s life? She couldn't even remember the last time she’d seen Mulder beat on Krycek, and that had been one of his favorite pastimes.

She had a sudden, overwhelming urge to step out into Mulder’s room. Once they knew she was there, they would pull apart. Stop talking. She even reached out her hand and grasped the doorknob, but she just couldn't force her body to cooperate with her mind and pull the door wide enough for her to be able to walk out of the bathroom. She knew she was intruding on their privacy, but she wanted to hear Krycek’s words more than anything she had ever wanted in her life. She let go of the knob and slid soundlessly to the floor, curling her arms around her knees. Knowing it was wrong, she waited for Alex to talk.

Krycek pulled Mulder tight against him for what seemed like forever, but then relaxed and resumed stroking his hair once more. Mulder sighed into Alex’s chest and Scully saw him press his lips against the dark cotton. Krycek groaned, kept his hands firmly in the dark, silky strands and started talking. Hesitantly at first, then stronger as he got into the story.

"After I came to you and told you about the threat on your life, I didn't dare contact you again. I didn't want Spender to know that I was trying to screw up his plans. I knew that he had ordered the hit on you, but I didn't know who was going to do it or when it was going to happen. I kept my eyes and ears open, but nobody was talking. I should have known then that something was wrong."

Scully winced at how dead Krycek’s voice sounded. She knew instinctively that he was trying to get through this without breaking down, so he just shut down his emotions. She had done the same thing to get through Mulder’s examination and treatment when they had first brought him in a little over three weeks ago.

"You can't know everything, Alex." Mulder rationalized, then sighed when Alex placed two fingers gently over his lips.

"Don't talk, Fox. Not if you want me to get through this. Just sit there and listen, okay?"

Mulder remained silent, respecting Alex’s wishes, and a few moments later Alex continued his story.

"I couldn't find out who he had contracted, so I decided to just keep you under surveillance. I didn't care how things went down, just as long as they didn't get a chance to hurt you. I watched you night and day, taking a few minutes here and there to eat or sleep only when you were safe with Scully. I couldn't let you out of my sight.

Then that black-lunged son of a bitch called me and told me that he had a job for me. He told me that if I knew what was good for me, I wouldn't refuse it. He said that you had discovered some evidence against him and he wanted me to make sure you never got your hands on it or he would have Scully killed. He told me that you and your partner were going to Florida, and I was to get there before you and destroy everything. I accepted the assignment. I figured, hell, it would kill two birds with one stone. I could stay near you and also keep the Smoker from getting too suspicious as to why I was neglecting my responsibilities.

This whole thing was just so fucked up from the beginning that I should’ve known that he was screwing with me. I called the airport and the only flight I could get was leaving in ninety minutes. I had to perform minor miracles to make it on time. I didn't even have time to call you and tell you that I was going to be in Florida with you. I tried your cellular after the plane was airborne but I couldn't get you. I figured I'd just hook up with you when you got to your hotel. I went straight from the airport to take care of the asshole’s business, then went back to the hotel to wait for you. I ordered some food from room service, ate, and stretched out to watch a movie or two while I waited for you and Scully to arrive. That’s the last thing I remember until I woke up around three in the morning.

When I finally dragged myself back from oblivion, I panicked. I knew that somehow he had arranged for my food to be drugged and now I had no idea if you were safe or not. I went to your room and tried to get in, but the safety lock was set. I did get the door open far enough to see you asleep in the bed. At least I thought it was you. Imagine my fucking shock in the morning when I watched Scully walk into the hotel dining room with a total stranger.

I freaked, then caught the first flight back to Washington. I sat on that plane and tried to figure out what the hell to do. I was out of my mind. I must have tried your cell phone at least a hundred times. You never answered. Finally I called Skinner. He wasn't too pleased to hear from me, but he owed me for saving his miserable hide when the Consortium infected him with those nanoprobes."

Krycek’s voice had grown harsh as he talked. He stopped and cleared his throat before continuing.

"He told me, reluctantly, of the last minute change that had come down ‘official channels’ only forty-five minutes before your flight was due to leave. A different agent was assigned to the Florida case with Dana, and you were to stay in D.C. He didn't know who had originated the order but he could make a guess. So could I. Mine would be more than a fucking guess though. I was so pissed that I was seeing red. I was also as scared as I had ever been in my life. Then he informed me that you hadn't reported for work that morning. He wanted to know what I knew about it. I told him about the death threat and that I was on my way back to D.C. He said that he was going to recall Dana immediately and I thank everyone I can think of everyday that he did. If she had gotten home any later you would've died in her apartment."

Scully tried to ward off the painful flashback but couldn't help seeing the image again. She saw herself entering her apartment. Her carry-on bag falling to the floor, forgotten. Running to Mulder’s lifeless, broken body.

Blood. So much blood.

Searching for a pulse.

Finding one. Barely.

Faint. So damn faint, but there.

She pushed everything else away, back to the locked part of her mind that was usually able to confine the horrible memories

Krycek hung his head and looked away from the man cradled in his arms. "I'm sorry, Fox. I'm so, so sorry. I should have known. I made you a promise and I failed you."

Mulder shifted, and Scully could tell that his body was stiff from lying on the hard floor. He groaned as he pulled out of the warm cocoon of Alex’s body and turned to face the distraught man. He raised one hand and stroked the side of Krycek’s face and tugged on his chin to get him to look at him. Mulder’s hand was shaking badly, and Scully wanted desperately to get him back into his bed and get him something for the pain she knew he was in.

"Alex, look at me." he ordered, and Scully was surprised when he was instantly obeyed. Mulder looked deeply into emerald eyes that reflected black in the moonlight. "You didn't fail me. You tried. You tried your best. I just had to know what happened. For my own peace of mind I had to hear your version of what happened. I don't blame you, Alex. I swear I don't and I don't want you to blame *yourself*. Do you understand?"

Scully saw the two men freeze, their faces just inches from one another and she was surprised to discover that she was holding her breath. The picture they made was highly erotic. One man -- fully clothed, dark and dangerous, sleek as a jungle cat. The other -- bare-chested, lighter, more vulnerable, but still with underlying strength, as wily and slick as his namesake. She couldn't believe how much she wanted to see them devour each other. Never in her life had she thought she would get excited by seeing two men together, but here she was almost panting in anticipation and the two men in question hadn't even done anything sexual. All they were doing was staring into each others eyes.

//Get a grip, Dana.// She told herself harshly. // How can you be thinking like this? You've never had thoughts like this in your life. What the hell is wrong with you? Mulder was just raped and here you are picturing him together with Alex Krycek of all people!//

But, God, they were beautiful. She had always thought Mulder was great looking, but this was different. His absolute stillness. . . the shining moonlight . . . the almost shyness that had seemed to invade his usual aloof personality. She had to remind herself to breath. Then she added Krycek to the equation and forgot *how* to breath.

For the first time, Scully actually took the time to study the man that had been her replacement for that brief period in their lives. Sable hair a little on the longish side that looked so soft it made your fingers itch to run through it, emerald eyes that were usually so cold but right now were so filled with emotion that it hurt Scully to look at them. Tall, well-built. He looked like an angel - a fallen angel - but an angel none the less. He was truly breathtaking.

Scully made these observations in the few seconds it took for Krycek's expression to harden and become stone. One moment he was looking at Mulder with an expression that she was trying desperately not to categorize, the next moment he was the cold blooded killer that made her itch for the familiar weight of her Glock.

Mulder noticed the change at the same time and he awkwardly scrambled backward, as fast as his aching limbs would let him. He pushed himself back until he slammed against the side of the bed. He never took his eyes off Krycek as the suddenly angry man got to his feet and covered the short distance between them.

"What did they tell you?" Alex’s voice was raw and almost breathless. Scully could tell that the question was important to him, but she couldn't figure out where the hell it had come from all of a sudden.

"What -- ?" Mulder’s voice broke as he squeezed his eyes shut against the sight of Alex towering over him. He took several deep breaths and tried again. "What are you talking about, Alex? I don't understand."

//You’re *lying*, Mulder!// Scully screamed at him silently. //You know exactly what he’s talking about. I can see it written all over your face.//

"You said you needed to hear ‘my version’ of what happened." The cold deadness of Krycek’s voice actually frightened Scully. God knows what it was doing to Mulder.

Mulder opened his eyes and stared up at Alex, flinching at the expression he saw on the younger man’s face. Krycek was facing away from Scully so she could only guess at the emotions that Mulder was seeing in his. . . friend’s? . . . partner’s? . . . lover’s? eyes. Scully didn't know which one would describe Mulder’s feelings for Krycek, but she was seriously leaning towards the last option. Mulder shook his head frantically and his breathing grew very shallow.

"Alex, please." He begged. What he was begging for, he never made clear, but Scully could hazard a few guesses.

Stop towering over him. . .

Stop making him remember. . .

Stop being angry at him. . .

Any of these would be driving him crazy in his present state of mind. Scully could tell that he was starting to have a panic attack and, God forgive her, she wasn't going to do anything to stop what was happening. She knew in her heart that Mulder had to get through this in order to heal, and she knew – hoped – that Krycek would be able to help him.

"What did they tell you, Fox?" Alex demanded again, squatting beside Mulder, who desperately tried to disappear under the uncooperative hospital bed. He placed his hand against Mulder’s chest and, after stroking it softly for a moment, suddenly pushed the struggling man hard against the floor. "Stop! Just stop. Stop acting like I'm going to kill you - or worse. I'm not like those assholes! You know that, Fox. I just want to know what they told you. What doubts and fears I now have to fight against because of them."

Mulder did stop struggling, but Scully knew that the panic attack was running full force through his system and would erupt soon. She hoped Krycek was prepared for the result of his actions. Scully wasn't sure if Mulder was going to provide an answer for Krycek or not, but then it was like something just snapped in her partner and the dam of emotions cracked wide open.

"They told me that you were there in my apartment . . . In my room . . . Watching . . . Making sure that they did everything that you had told them to do!"

"Fox . . ."

"Do you want me to tell you that I didn't believe them? I didn't!"

Mulder’s breathing was coming in gasps now, like he couldn't drag enough air into starving lungs, but that didn't stop the words that poured from his lips. Once he started talking, it was like he *couldn't* stop. Couldn't control the words. He was clutching Krycek’s arm and the emotionless mask had slipped from the killer’s face, leaving only the fallen angel once more. He was hurting almost as much as Mulder.

"I knew you weren't there. I knew you wouldn't - couldn't - do something like that to me, but I tried like hell to get to my room. I told myself that if I could just get there, then maybe you *would* be there and you would make them stop."

"Fox, stop." Alex was holding Mulder against his chest now, trying to stop the violent shudders raging through the other man’s body. Mulder didn't seem to hear him. He was too caught up in the words and the emotions that Alex had brought to the surface.

"I tried to get to you. I tried so hard. It was something I could make my mind grab hold of so that I wasn't just lying there letting them . . . letting them . . . Oh God . . . if I could just reach you everything would be okay but you weren't there . . . I knew you weren't there, Alex. I knew, but I had to do something . . . anything."

Mulder was struggling harder now, totally lost in the memories of one of the hardest things he must have had to face in an already devastatingly hard life. Scully was near tears and she could see that Krycek wasn't unaffected either. His voice broke repeatedly as he tried to talk Mulder out of the nightmare state he was immersed in. He fought Mulder’s struggles and somehow wrestled him up into the bed.

For someone that had been so weak not even fifteen minutes before, Mulder had become a wild man. He was going to be in agony when he finally calmed down. Krycek kept whispering to him, soothing nonsense just so Mulder could hear his voice and know he was there for him. Scully longed to run to them and pull Mulder into her arms, but she knew that she couldn't help with this. Alex kept this up for nearly twenty minutes until Mulder calmed down and started talking again.

"I had to fight somehow, Alex." Fox was still now. Alex had his arms wrapped around him and absorbed the fear that radiated from the weary agent. "I couldn't stop them . . . I couldn't . . . I tried but nothing worked . . . my body . . . nothing worked . . . my room . . . just get to my room . . . they said that I wanted it . . . that I liked it . . . they said you were there . . . I didn't believe them, Alex. I didn't believe them . . . I didn't."

"It’s okay, Fox." Alex was rocking him now and the sight almost broke Scully’s heart. Mulder looked so beaten. She had never seen him this desolate - this hurt. She hoped that she was making the right decision, letting Krycek have this time with Mulder. What if he just did more damage without healing him. Why, all of a sudden, was she trusting a known killer with her partner’s well-being? Because it wasn't her choice to make. She reminded herself that he had made the decision himself when he got together with Alex. She was just a stowaway along for the ride. No matter how bumpy.

"They said I liked it, Alex."

Words uttered so softly. So much pain. Doubt.

"Did I deserve it, Alex? Did I? They said I did."

"No, moy lyubov. No one deserves that. Especially not you."

"I'm scared."

"I know. I know you are, but you’re safe now." Alex was still murmuring softly, "Safe. I swear. They can't hurt you anymore."

"I'm not safe . . . They got me once . . . They can get me anytime. . . They told me they could."

Scully’s heart broke at their words. Mulder was so child-like right now. If she closed her eyes she could picture him as the hurt twelve year old that was left after his sister’s disappearance. Would life ever treat Fox Mulder with kindness? It seemed like all he was ever given was pain and suffering.

"No, Fox." Alex insisted, "No more. Never again."

"You can't protect me forever, Alex." Mulder shuddered against the younger man’s warm body and buried his face in the hollow of his neck. "I don't know what to do."

"They’re dead." Scully felt guilty at the jolt of pleasure that she felt at Krycek’s words. "They can't hurt you anymore."

Mulder pulled away from Alex and stared at him in amazement. "Oh God, Alex. You didn't. Please tell me you didn't."

"What are you gonna do, G-man? Arrest me?" Krycek managed a small grin.

"You killed two people because of me, Alex." Mulder’s voice was barely audible to Scully. "What if someone finds out? I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Fox, listen to me. I wouldn't have cared if every person working in the Hoover building had been in that apartment when I killed them. It wouldn't have changed anything I did. Those assholes were dead the moment they touched you. It just took me a little while to catch up to them and let them know it."

This was the Krycek that Scully was familiar with. Cocky, arrogant, with the if-you-don't-like-me-you-can-fuck-yourself-and-go-to-hell attitude. The only difference was that he was usually *denying* a murder charge. What the hell was she going to do? The FBI had been trying to pin something on him for years, and he just delivered himself up complete with ribbons and bows and didn't even know it. Who knew that all it would take to get a confession from the man was to hide out in Mulder’s bathroom.

"Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell me how you did it."

"I killed them. They can't hurt you anymore. That’s all you need to know."

Mulder caught Krycek’s eyes and held him with a look. All the pain inside him was reflected in those beautiful golden-green eyes. Scully watched Krycek ease himself off the bed and walk to the window. "Please, Fox. Don't ask me to put you through that. If I start talking about them, all you’re going to do is remember everything they did to you."

"What do you think I do now, Alex?" Mulder leaned back against the pillows and painfully stretched his legs out before him. Scully was surprised that he could move at all without screaming. "Every time I close my eyes I have to relive what they did to me. Every bump and creak makes me break out in a cold sweat because I think they’re coming back for me."

"Why do you need the details?" Krycek’s smoky voice was tight. "Why can't you just trust me on this?"

"I do trust you. You know I do. But I *need* this Alex." Mulder pleaded for understanding. "I need to get them out of my damn nightmares. I need something to replace the images of what they did. I need to know deep down inside that they’re dead. If I can't picture it then it’s not real to me."

Krycek turned back to Mulder and looked at him for a long time. Finally he sighed and ran a shaky hand through his hair. "One condition, Fox. Non-negotiable."

"What?"

"I know you only pretend to take the pain medication that they bring you. I also know that you've been hiding the pills in the drawer next to the bed." Krycek ignored the incredulous expression on the other man’s face and continued, "I want you to crawl under the covers and take two of those pills."

"I don't want the pills, Alex, they make me sleep." Mulder tried hard to keep the whiny quality out of his voice.

"That’s the whole idea. You need to rest - especially after tonight. You'll have enough time to hear my little story before you zone out." Krycek shrugged. "Take it or leave it."

"But ."

"No buts. You want the bedtime story, you have to go to bed."

"I'm hurt and in the hospital. You’re supposed to be nice to me." The pout that never failed to get a reaction from Scully didn't even phase Alex.

"Hey, I *am* nice to you. I took care of those two assholes for you. That’s the Krycek equivalent of a hallmark card."

"When you care enough to send the very best, eh Alex?"

"Of course. Only the best for Fox Mulder. From your Armani suits to the brainy red-headed beauty you call a partner. Now you have your very own personal assassin with a raging hard on for alien- crazed FBI agents." Krycek’s teasing voice was like silk caressing over-heated skin.

"Alien-crazed?" Mulder sputtered around a small chuckle. "*Alien-crazed*?"

Scully shook her head to try and clear it. God! Listening to these two was like riding a conversational roller coaster. How could they switch emotions so quickly and easily?

"Please don't tell me you’re gonna try to deny it." Alex challenged, one eyebrow raising halfway to his hairline.

"Humph!" Mulder crossed his arms over his chest, and Alex’s eyes were drawn to the full, pouty lower lip that Mulder definitely knew how to use to his advantage. "Even if I did, you'd just laugh at me and hurt my already fragile feelings."

Scully was amazed at the change in Krycek’s expression. It only lasted a second and if she hadn't have been studying his face, she would've missed the look of utter longing that told her that the man wasn't as immune to Mulder’s antics as he pretended to be.

"Fragile, my ass." Alex snorted, "You’re a lot stronger than anyone knows, Agent Mulder."

Scully waited for her partner to make one of his smart ass comments, but he surprised her by beckoning Krycek over to the bed.

"Sit with me, okay?" His voice was quiet again. Subdued. Scared.

"Stop thinking about it, Fox. Don't let them keep on hurting you." Alex carried the chair to the side of the bed and straddled it, placing his elbows on the bed next to Mulder’s thigh. He cradled his face in his hands and stared at the other man through veiled lashes.

"So give me new things to think about, Alex."

"I told you what my condition was." Alex turned his head and stared into the dark corner of the room.

"I need to know, Alex."

"I know."

"I don't want to take those pills. I don't want to sleep."

"I know that too."

"What if I don't take them? Would you really refuse to tell me?" The question was hesitant, like Mulder thought he knew the answer but wasn't totally sure.

"Don't you know by now, Fox, that I can't refuse you anything?" The answer was simple truth, uttered softly in the darkness.

Even after everything Scully had heard tonight, the answer still surprised her. She had a hard time imagining Krycek ‘bowing’ to anyone - even Mulder.

"So I don't have to take the pills?" Mulder’s tone brightened considerably now that he thought he was getting his way.

Alex turned back towards Mulder and locked green eyes with hazel. "No, Fox." Alex conceded softly. "If you really don't want to take them, I won't make you, but keep in mind that I do eventually have to leave here tonight."

"I know you do Alex. So?"

"So. . . I *did* just kill two of the Smoking Man's goons. He's looking for me and I'm pretty sure it's not so that he can pat me on the back and tell me what a bang-up job I did."

"What does that have to do with the damn pills, Alex?" Scully could hear the impatience in Mulder's voice and she grinned in spite of herself. Now maybe Mulder would know how she felt when he took his sweet ass time getting to the point.

"Give me a second. I'm getting there." Alex reached out and ran his fingers absently up and down Mulder's thigh, making the older man shiver. Scully waited, but Mulder did nothing that would make Krycek end the caress. She knew that jealousy was a petty, irrational emotion, but it still pissed her off that Krycek was able to invade her partner's space at will.

"If you take the pills like a good boy . . ."

Krycek got a glare for that one.

". . . then I can leave here secure in the knowledge that you're getting some rest. If you *don't* take them, then I'll know that you're sitting here in pain, remembering over and over what they did to you. Instead of concentrating on covering my ass, finding a safe place to stay and generally staying alive, I'll be worrying about you. And you know that the more I focus on you, the more careless I become. Just makes it that much easier for *him* to find me."

Scully recognized the look on Mulder's face and knew that Krycek had won this round. It was almost scary, the way he could manipulate the older man. She would've been pretty worried if she couldn’t see that Mulder had just as much, if not more, power over Alex.

"I can't believe you'd stoop to blackmail, Krycek." Only Mulder could make a pout sound menacing.

"Blackmail is such a harsh word to use." Alex's grin just made Mulder sulk that much more. "And pouting isn't going to make me feel guilty, Fox. You know that, so stop doing it. I know you don't want to take the pills, but you need to rest. The more you rest, the quicker you can get the hell out of here, and I want you out so bad I can taste it. I'm sick of having to sneak in here in the middle of the night just to see you. I want you to be able to come home."

"Home." The word stuck in Mulder's throat as he repeated it. "That apartment isn't my home anymore. Not after what they did. I can't go back there. Maybe you could use it though. At least for today until you find something safer."

"Safer?" Alex burst out laughing. "Standing on a crowded street corner, naked, would be safer than hiding in your apartment. The only thing that place is good for is keeping out the weather and sometimes it can't even manage to do that!"

Mulder smacked Krycek lightly on the head and grinned back at the amused man.

"Who the hell did I piss off to get saddled with your sorry ass?"

"Piss off?" Alex countered, "Hell, you got lucky."

"Yeah? Well, Mr. Naked-on-the-street-corner, I have a task for you. While I'm stuck in here, find me a new place to live."

Scully didn't know who was more stunned - her or Krycek. Mulder just looked smug. It wasn't every day that you struck Alex Krycek speechless.

"Find something over by Scully. I want to be near Scully. Apartment, condo, house - doesn't really matter, although a house would be nice. I've always wanted one that didn't come stocked with fucked up memories."

"I don't even know what you'd like, Fox." Alex was starting to look panicked.

"Just find somewhere *you'd* want to live. Odds are if you like it, I'll like it too. I trust you, Alex. Besides, who would ever look for you in a Realtor’s office?" Mulder chuckled again at the picture *that* thought created.

Krycek never gave Mulder an answer, but Scully would bet everything she had - and consider it a safe bet - that he would move heaven and earth to have things ready by the time Mulder walked out of the hospital. It was funny. An hour ago she would've scoffed at anyone that tried to tell her that Krycek could be a good person and care about anyone besides himself. Now, she found herself wondering what all their lives might be like right now if Alex had never gotten involved with the Smoking Man and if he had remained Mulder’s partner.

//It doesn't matter. This man is a criminal and it's your job to put him in jail - no matter how much your partner is going to hate you because of it.//

"Okay, you had a good laugh. Time to decide. I need to get this story over with so I can get out of here before Scully and Skinner get here. If they find me, I won't have to worry about where I'm gonna sleep. I'll get an engraved invitation to either a jail cell or the morgue." Krycek pulled two of the discarded pain pills out of the drawer and held them out to Mulder. "What’s it gonna be? Yes or no?"

Mulder wordlessly held out his hand and Krycek breathed a sigh of relief as he relinquished the small capsules. He handed Mulder the small cup of ice chips, then added some water from the Styrofoam pitcher on the bed side table. Once the disagreeable task was done, Mulder sighed dramatically.

"I'm not sure how long you have before these knock my ass out," He grumbled, "but I kept my part of the bargain, you better do a good job with yours. I want my bedtime story, Alex."

"Knowing how often your body gets pain killers, you've probably built up quite a tolerance. I'd give you about thirty minutes to an hour." Alex glanced at his watch, making a mental note of the time, as he teased the other man. "That should be more than enough time as long as you don't interrupt me every two minutes with questions."

"I won't say a word, okay?"

"No." Alex shook his head as he uncurled his body from the chair and stood up. "You can ask questions if you need to. I want you to get it clear in your head so that you can get rid of those fuckers once and for all. After tonight I'm never talking about this again. I can't believe I'm telling you at all. You're a federal agent and I'm about to confess, in great detail, to a double murder. How fucked up is that?"

//A lot more fucked up than you can know, Krycek.//

Scully knew damn well that if Krycek knew she was here, he wouldn't be admitting anything to Mulder. She could just picture herself on the stand in court.

//Well, it was like this your honor. I was in the washroom when the defendant first entered the room and I just decided to stay in there. Why? Um . . . I wanted to see what Mr. Krycek wanted with my partner. Excuse me? Why didn't I make my presence known when I overheard the confession? I didn't want to interrupt them. Why not? Um . . . well . . . I kinda got the feeling that something might happen and I didn't want to miss it. Yes, your honor, something sexual. Yes, I understand that that wasn't very professional of me but if you'd been the one watching the two of them together in the moonlight, you wouldn't have come out of the washroom either!//

"Alex, you know I would never use anything you tell me against you." Mulder’s tone was serious and he met Krycek’s stormy gaze openly. "Especially not to have you arrested."

"You’re a fucking federal agent." Krycek reminded him - again - and started to put some distance between him and Mulder’s bed. "You have loyalties."

"You’re right." Mulder broke in, reaching out and catching Krycek’s wrist before he could move very far. "I *do* have loyalties. I'm not disputing that. They've changed though. Ever since you came back into my life, my loyalties are to you first, the FBI second."

"I'm sure if you were talking to Scully or Skinner right now, that remark would be totally different." Krycek’s come back lacked his usual biting sarcasm, as if he wanted to believe what Mulder was telling him but wasn't sure if he could.

"Alex, you just *killed* for me. Is it so hard for you to believe that I might be protective of you too?"

When there was no immediate answer, Mulder linked his fingers through Krycek’s and tugged him closer to the bed.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have trust issues, Krycek?" The young man’s head snapped up and he looked at Mulder like he was insane. Mulder just stared back at him, dead pan. Then Alex started laughing. Not a chuckle, not a giggle, but an actual laugh that started deep in his soul. He laughed so hard that Mulder had to join him.

//God, they should do that more often. Makes them both look like children. Happy children.// Scully knew that Mulder didn't have a happy childhood. She wondered what Krycek’s was like. Was his any better then Mulder’s? Somehow she didn't think so.

"Has anyone ever told *you* that you’re a fucking lunatic, Mulder?" Alex shook his head, still chuckling. "Trust issues. What’s that saying about glass houses? You don't have any rocks hidden in those blankets, do you?"

"I'm not sure *what’s* hidden in these blankets, Alex. Why don't you come find out?" There was a twinkle in the older man’s eyes that Scully hadn't seen in a long, long time.

"Fox ." Alex’s voice was dark with need. "Don't start something that you’re physically unable to finish."

"Hey, what can I say. It’s the stupid medication you made me take." Mulder’s tone was still teasing but Scully could see - and hear - that there was something else running around in that brilliant, messed up head of his.

"You took those pills five minutes ago, Fox." Alex informed him, patiently. "They haven't kicked in yet."

"Five minutes, huh?" Mulder was thinking about something. Scully knew that look. That look always came before Mulder pulled some harebrained stunt. "How long is your story gonna take?"

Krycek looked puzzled, but he told Mulder that it would probably only take him about fifteen minutes or so to give him all the details.

"Okay, twenty minutes total. That should leave me plenty of time." He was almost talking to himself.

"Plenty of time for what?"

Mulder sat up straighter on the bed and slowly pulled his legs up under him with a groan. Scully saw that he was trembling. What the hell was he doing now? Mulder still had hold of Krycek’s hand and he tugged again, pulling the other man so close to the bed that he had to sit or fall down.

"What’s the deal, Fox?" Alex questioned as he sat on the bed facing Mulder. He shifted, trying to get comfortable and ended up with his legs under him, Indian style. "You weren't really serious about searching the blankets, where you?"

Mulder grinned slightly at the obvious teasing and played absently with the fingers of the hand he still held. "Will you do something for me?"

"Anything." The total conviction in that one word shook Scully more than anything else she had heard that night. She knew in that instant that Krycek was speaking the absolute truth. He would literally do anything Mulder asked him to and some things that he didn't, if the murder was anything to go by. She wondered how power like that would effect her partner. Then she thought of something even worse. She wondered just how long it would take Krycek to turn the tables on Mulder and demand that same kind of blind devotion.

"I know this is probably going to sound stupid to you, but bear with me for a few minutes, okay?" Mulder’s eyes glittered uncertainly in the moonlight as he stared at the man seated on the bed with him. "I'm scared out of my mind and I'll most likely end up with the mother of all panic attacks, but I want to try something. I want to find out if I'm still able to touch you . . . to kiss you. I have to know if they managed to destroy *everything*. If I have anything left to build on . . ."

"Just tell me what you want me to do." Krycek’s words were whisper soft in the darkness. He reached out to touch Mulder’s face, but the other man pulled back abruptly.

"No!" Mulder’s voice was harsh, although not from anger. Scully could tell that he was holding on to his illusion of control by a thread. "Please, Alex. Don't touch me. Don't touch me right now. The memories are so close to the surface right now . . . It’s so hard . . . so damn hard . . ."

"Fox?" Krycek’s voice was strained, uncertain. Scully knew exactly how he felt. The rejection and pain that washed over you when you had to watch someone you loved pull away from you. She knew she was being petty again but she was glad that Krycek finally got a taste of it. It had happened to her too often in the last three weeks and Mulder’s ‘easy’ acceptance of the triple agent had grated on her heart.

"It’s not you, Alex. I swear. It’s not your touch that I'm afraid of. It’s the damn memories. I do this to Scully too. It hurts her so badly but I can't help it. I just can't help it." Mulder’s head fell forward almost as if he were praying. "You've been able to get so much closer than anyone else. That’s why I want to try this with you. I want to see if I have a chance of getting things back the way they were."

"You will, Fox." Alex told him forcefully. "*We* will. I'll do anything to help you. You know that. Scully will too."

Mulder nodded his agreement. He looked back up into Krycek’s eyes and Scully saw that there was a little more control in them now. A little less terror.

"I guess if I want to try this I better get started, huh?"

"Don't worry, Lisitsa, I'll make sure you get your story. I promised you I would tell you and I will." Krycek teased and was rewarded with a slight upward turn of those beautiful lips. "Do whatever it is that you want to do. If you pass out on me, I can always finish up for you tomorrow night."

"I thought you said that you weren't going to talk about this anymore after tonight." Mulder brought his words back up to him.

"I *told* you that I can't refuse you anything." He paused for a moment, then looked at Mulder through the fringe of hair partially covering one eye.

Scully was having a hard time getting used to this new version of Alex Krycek. It was like she was spying on a dream.

//Maybe if I pinched myself, all of this would just go away. I wouldn't be hiding in a hospital washroom at three in the morning, Mulder wouldn't be a physical and emotional wreck because of a brutal rape but most of all, Alex Krycek wouldn't be human. He would still be the cold-blooded, judas killer that Mulder and I both hated.//

"Well, I *was* a little distracted when you first said that, but since you were kind enough to repeat yourself . . ." Mulder let the words trail off sounding excited but still a little unsure.

"Come on, Fox." Alex whispered, leaning towards the other man, emerald eyes blazing with need. "Tell me what you want me to do. I want to feel you touch me."

Scully bit her lip as she heard Mulder order Krycek to remove his shirt. As surprised as the young man might have been, it didn't effect his reaction time any - the shirt was on the floor within seconds of the words leaving Mulder’s mouth. She was surprised to see metal gleaming on Krycek’s chest.

//Nipple rings? Krycek has nipple rings?// Scully didn't know why she was so surprised. Krycek had had so many holes in his body over the years, what was a couple more? At least these were self inflicted. And - if she was honest with herself - from what she could see, they were kinda sexy.

//Lord, Dana! You really are losing it. Krycek . . . Sexy? . . . Damn!//

"Listen to me, Alex. This is important to me. I want to try this, but you have to sit there and not move, okay? I have to know that you’re not gonna try to grab me or touch me." Mulder looked miserable as he made his request. He had a hard time meeting Krycek’s eyes. Scully’s heart went out to him again.

"It’s okay, Fox." Krycek murmured softly, "It’s okay. I understand what you want. You need to feel in control. If that means that I can't touch you, so be it. I can do that. I can do whatever you need to make everything better."

"Promise me, Alex. Promise me that you'll hold on to the bed rails and not let go, no matter what. I'll feel safer that way." Mulder was a little better now. A little more in control.

"I'll do better than that for you, G-man." Alex grinned and hopped off the bed. He walked past the still locked door of Mulder's room and grabbed the familiar black leather jacket off the floor where he had tossed it when he had arrived. He pulled something out of one of the pockets and turned back towards the bed, dangling silver bracelets in one hand and a small key in the other.

"Cuffs." came a whisper from the bed.

"Yeah. Cuffs. Instant control." Alex moved back to the older man and, after placing the handcuff key within Mulder’s reach on the night stand, sat on the bed once more. "You don't have to worry about anything now. You'll be able to do anything you want and I won't be able to interfere. Will that help?"

Mulder’s eyes were wide and scared. Scully silently cursed Krycek for putting her friend through this. She knew that the little scene they were going to play out was Mulder’s idea, but why couldn't Krycek ever play the game by Mulder’s rules. All he had asked was for the Russian to hold on to the bed rails. Why did he always have to try and drag Mulder a step further than he was prepared to go? She knew that Mulder had been cuffed at some point during his . . . his . . . ordeal because his wrists had been nearly mutilated when she had found him. He had obviously fought the restraints with little regard for pain , or it had happened at a time when other, more intense pain had paled the deep cuts to mere insignificance, because the damage he had done could have lost him the use of both hands. He had been incredibly lucky. His wrists were pretty much healed now, but you could still see the scars and that’s what her partner was staring at intently . . . remembering.

Krycek also stared at Mulder’s wrists and Scully saw, just for an instant, knowledge and pain flood the traitor’s face.

//He knows! Oh God! He knows *exactly* what happened to create those scars. He’s responsible just like those men told Mulder. All this is his fault.//

Scully felt sick to her stomach. What kind of sick, twisted animal *was* Alex Krycek that he could sit here and comfort Mulder and cry in front of him and pretend to care about him, when he was the monster that hurt him in the first place? She should just go back into Mulder’s room while the element of surprise was still on her side and arrest Krycek. She had heard him confess to two murders. It would be so simple. The only thing stopping her was Mulder. She couldn't make herself take that lying bastard out of here with her partner looking on. She would have to wait until the medication knocked him out.

"Hey G-man, they’re not for you." Krycek teased the disturbed man. "Do you honestly think that I'd let you have all the fun here? These are for me." Mulder looked up to find Alex reaching behind him and quickly cuffing both hands to the bed rail. "The ball’s in your court now, Fox. I'm here for you. Half naked, helpless and damn near out of my fucking mind wanting you. Whatever you want to do, do it."

Mulder just looked at the image in front of him with wonder on his face.

"Go for it, Fox." Alex whispered. "You said you wanted to try some stuff. Now’s your chance. I'm here for you. All for you."

"You hate being cuffed, Alex. Hate being restrained."

"But I do it for you, don't I, Fox? You know how you make me feel. You can turn me into a child with one glance . . ." Krycek’s eyes were almost glowing in the moonlight and his voice was a throaty growl. ". . . into an animal with one touch."

Mulder licked his lips and tentatively moved closer to the form that was sex incarnate.

"Do you remember what you did to me the last time I wore these cuffs?" Krycek watched Mulder move closer to him and the intense expression on his face turned feral. He looked so savage, so hungry that Scully was glad that he was locked to the rail. Mulder, on the other hand, looked like he wanted to sink right into the other man’s eyes. Scully saw red. Krycek’s words and tone of voice seemed to make the older man forget everything. Everything, that is, but the bastard sitting in front of him

"Yeah, these are yours. The ones you left me in. Do you remember how you made me beg, Fox?" Krycek was still growling and the sound seemed to make Mulder purr. "You made me beg for everything. Everything you did to me until finally you made me scream."

Mulder groaned, the sound being dragged from deep within his psyche.

"You remember those screams, don't you, Fox?" Krycek was relentless. Mulder was trembling on the bed, staring. Just staring. He was lost in the images - memories - that Alex was weaving around him. Hell, *Scully* was getting hot just listening to the sound of the lying traitor’s voice and the words that he spoke. She wanted to shoot him so bad, she could taste it.

"You remember hearing your name ripped out of me as you made me explode. Your mouth. . . your hands. . .your body all over me. Just being with you now makes me want to beg. I'm yours, Fox. Your slave. You *own* me. Body and soul, you own me. Touch me. Kiss me. Beat me. Whatever you want, I'm here." The longing crashed over Mulder in waves. "Use me, lover. Use me to banish what those fucks did to you. You’re the one in control. They can't hurt you anymore. No one is going to hurt you like that ever again. Touch me, Fox. Take your life back. Use me to do it."

Scully knew what Krycek was trying to do. He was trying to make his ex-partner so hot and horny that he totally forgot his fear. That would never work, would it? On a normal person, probably not, but it *was* Mulder they were dealing with here. Who knew what would work on that beautiful, screwed up mind.

Obviously Alex Krycek, because, as she continued to spy on the two of them, Mulder reached out and ran his fingers down the younger man’s chest from nipple to navel.

The caress was feather-soft and hesitant, but it was as if Mulder had run an electric current through Krycek’s body. He threw his head back and hissed through clenched teeth as his back arched, thrusting his chest towards Mulder like an offering. Mulder bit his lower lip hard enough to draw blood but extended his hand again and touched Alex’s cheek.

"Oh God, Lisitsa." The young man moaned, "Touch me . . . Please touch me . . ."

"Look at me."

Alex immediately lowered his head and gravity played with his hair, making his over-long bangs fall into his eyes again as he met Mulder’s gaze. He shook his head to try and clear his vision but the hair was stubborn.

"Leave it." Mulder told Krycek before he had a chance to try and flip the offending strands again. "You look cute."

"Cute?!" Krycek rocked back on his heels and actually sputtered. "I'm kneeling in front of you half-naked and hand-cuffed, talking dirty and you tell me that I look *cute*?"

"Alex." The throaty growl sounded just as sexy coming from her partner as it had from Krycek, and Scully found herself wishing, not for the first time, that it had been directed towards her instead of a hired assassin. "On you, ‘cute’ has the very real potential to send my brain *and* my body into nuclear meltdown."

"Okay. I can deal with that. Cute is good!" Krycek’s laughter ended up somewhat breathless as he watched Mulder lean forward and run his tongue teasingly around the silver ring in his left nipple.

"Did I ever tell you how sexy those rings are on you?" Mulder murmured as he placed erratic kisses across Krycek’s chest.

"Yeah." Alex grinned, "Right after you got off on the fact that I let you do the piercing."

Scully shivered as Mulder moaned against the hollow of Krycek’s throat. His eyes were closed and she assumed that he was once again remembering an event that Krycek had just reminded him of. The scene in front of her made it seem like her partner was in control of things, but knowing her partner as well as she did - or was she finding out that she didn't really know him at all - she could see the tell-tale signs of just how stressed and out of control he really was.

His body, instead of being loose and liquid the way Krycek’s was, was taut and trembling, and the hand that wasn't running over the younger man’s leather-clad thighs was gripping the bed rail so tightly that his knuckles were whiter than the sheets.

Scully wanted to rush over to her partner and shake some sense into him. What the hell was he trying to prove? He was putting himself through hell for a cheap thrill with Krycek, and she wondered seriously if Mulder’s life had finally taken the ultimate toll on his mind. And Krycek. Good Lord. She didn't even *want* to know what Krycek’s story was.

Instead of giving in to her urges, Scully forced herself to stay silent and hidden on the washroom floor. She focused on the two men again and saw that Mulder had picked up the handcuff key from it’s spot on the nightstand and released the restraints. Without saying a word, he motioned for Krycek to get up. Mulder inched down, past the rail and sat on the edge of the bed so that the waiting man was standing between his legs. He re-cuffed Alex’s hands behind him and then turned his attention to Krycek’s neck.

She watched Krycek shiver as the older man slowly licked the hollow of his bared throat. Short, hesitant touches of his tongue that slowly gained intensity as Krycek angled his head away from Mulder, giving him easier access. Mulder responded to the silent surrender with a snarl and sank his teeth into Krycek’s neck hard enough to draw blood. He swirled his tongue over the wound, tracing the pulse of his lover’s racing heart, licking up the few droplets of blood. Krycek whimpered softly but didn't move an inch as Mulder bit down again – even harder – in the soft spot behind his ear.

"Fox?" Krycek’s voice was straining with the effort Scully knew it was taking him to stay still under Mulder’s attentions.

"Shut up, Alex."

"Fox, please." Alex tried again, hesitantly. "Stop."

"What if I don't want to stop, Alex?" Scully couldn't believe the change that had come over Mulder. The whispered words were calm and deadly but she could see the fear running rampant in those deep hazel eyes. His hands were clenching and unclenching so much, she expected to hear the bones crack from the strain. "What if I want to hurt you and devour you until you’re writhing at my feet like an animal?"

"If that’s what you want, Fox, then do it." Alex offered. "As long as you realize that all you’re going to get from it is my pain. ‘Becoming them’ is not what you need. It’s not going to make what they did to you go away. It’s not going to make you feel any better. But if that’s what you want, I won't stop you. You’re the one in charge."

"They hurt me, Alex." The out-of-control quality to Mulder’s voice was scaring Scully badly. She wasn't sure what her partner was capable of at this particular moment in time, and Krycek wasn't helping matters any. He wouldn't even try to defend himself against what Mulder was doing to him. Even now, after he tried to get Mulder to stop hurting him, he was letting the older man add another mark to his rapidly bruising neck.

"I know they did." Krycek whispered then cried out when Mulder suddenly pulled away and backhanded him across his face.

"Don't you say another word, you fuck." The growl was back, but it was like someone else was speaking through Mulder’s lips.

"Damn it, Fox!" Krycek was as close to a shout as he could come without actually raising his voice. "You’re not ‘experimenting’ anymore. You pushed yourself too far. You've got to stop."

"I told you to shut up, Alex." Mulder warned, grabbing hold of Krycek’s abused throat and squeezing just enough to make him flinch.

"You’re *profiling* them." Krycek forged on, fighting with the cuffs. Fighting for breath. "You’re in too deep and you’re profiling the assholes that hurt you. You need to pull back!"

Scully watched as her partner did the first thing that seemed familiar to her that night. He drew back and slammed his fist into Krycek’s jaw. Unable to defend against the blow, Alex took it full force and Scully saw him go down. His head smacked the corner of the night stand and drops of blood scattered around him.

"Fox, please . . ."

"Sidyet, Lexi!" The words were harsh in the darkness and the tone of Mulder’s voice made the hairs on the back of Scully’s neck stand at attention. Then she realized what Mulder had done. The words must be some sort of signal or order or something, because Krycek was now a person she had *never* seen before.

As soon as the words left Mulder’s mouth, Krycek had forced himself upright. Knees spread wide, buttocks resting lightly on his heels, arms still cuffed behind him of course, and head bowed in total subjugation. Scully had thought that the two men couldn't throw her any more curve balls, but this?

Scully held her breath and waited to see what would happen next. Krycek was trembling slightly, but whether it was from fear or pain, she didn't know. He was also murmuring softly in a language that she didn't understand but assumed to be Russian. From what she could make out, he was repeating the same thing over and over again.

Scully was so intent on studying Krycek that she actually forgot about Mulder for a minute until he rearranged his position on the bed. He was looking down at Alex with cold contempt in his eyes. She had *never* seen him this deep in a profile, and he was taking it all out on the man in front of him.

"English, Lexi." Mulder ordered, running his bare foot mockingly over the rock-hard erection straining against the black leather.

The younger man shivered violently but kept his head bowed, showing no other reaction to what was being done to him. He dutifully repeated what he had been saying.

"I didn't do anything wrong . . . Please . . . I didn't do anything . . . I'm sorry." Scully got the distinct impression that at least a little piece of Alex was no longer in this particular reality. She knew that Mulder had his own personal demons, but somehow she had never thought that of Krycek.

As much as she had always hated him, she had never thought that he had any weaknesses. Certainly nothing that would turn him into the creature kneeling five feet from her. What had happened to make him like this? Who had done it to him? And an even better question: how did Mulder know about it?

Mulder reached down and ran his hand through the dark silk of Krycek’s hair. He stroked him gently and smiled when he heard the soft sigh. The smile didn't quite reach his eyes though, and Scully wasn't surprised when he closed his hand around a large patch of hair and pulled Krycek’s head up sharply.

"I know you didn't do anything wrong, Lexi." Mulder mocked. "I just wanted to have you kneeling at my fucking feet."

Krycek looked into Mulder's eyes for a moment and then jerked his head away, ripping a few hairs out in the process judging from the slight grimace that flashed across his face. He hesitated, then rested his forehead against the older man’s knee.

"Why are you doing this to me?" The question held so much anguish that Scully felt dirty for eavesdropping on such a private moment.

"Because *they* would." For once, Mulder was the emotionless one. The coldness in his tone easily matched the expression she had witnessed in his eyes only moments before.

"But I'm not with them, Fox. I'm with you. I know we screw with each other's minds and we both get off on the domination thing, but what you're doing right now isn't a game. This is my life. You're doing the same thing to me that those assholes did to you. What . . . what *he* did to me and I can't take that from you. I won't. Not from you. When I looked at you just now, I saw the same things in your eyes that I used to see in his every day. The anger. The contempt. I can forgive you for today, but never again, Fox. I'll slit your damn throat before I watch you look down on me like that again."

Krycek never looked up - not even once - during his 'speech' to Mulder. Scully couldn't imagine the self-control he possessed to be able to stay there - on his knees, submissive - at the feet of the one man with the power to destroy him, trusting him to do the right thing.

Little by little, Scully saw the madness in Mulder’s eyes fade as he stared at the man at his feet.

Recognition set in.

Then guilt.

"Oh God, Alex. I’m sorry . . . I’m sorry."

Mulder buried his face in his hands and apologized again but Krycek remained on his knees, head bowed.

Mulder reached out and gently ran his hand over Krycek’s cheek until he was able to cup his chin, then tugged slightly.

"Please, Alex. Get up."

Scully watched Krycek rise, awkwardly, to his feet. His balance was off because of the cuffs and, more than likely, the bump on his head. He kept his head bowed, but moved as close to Mulder as he could get.

"Alex, please. I’m so sorry. I promised you that I’d never do that to you and I fucked up." Mulder’s voice was full of anxiety as he pleaded with the younger man. "I’ll make it up to you. I swear, I will. As soon as I get out of here, I’ll make it up to you. I can’t lose you again, Alex. I can’t!"

"Uncuff me, Fox." Krycek asked, quietly. "Get these things off me."

Mulder fumbled for the key on the night stand, almost dropping it in his haste to do as Krycek asked. As soon as the cuffs were unlocked, Krycek wasted no time in working them loose and throwing them as far away as possible.

They landed right outside the bathroom door.

"Alex – "

"It’s okay, Fox." Krycek murmured, as he hesitantly slid his arms around Mulder’s waist, waiting to see if he would be rejected.

Obviously, Mulder’s guilt and remorse outweighed his fear. As soon as the older man felt Krycek’s loose embrace, he pulled the assassin’s body against him in a tight bear hug, murmuring apologies repeatedly.

"Ya tebya proshayu." Krycek tilted Mulder’s head up so that they were face to face and he moved closer until their lips just barely touched. "I forgive you." He repeated softly, his lips moving against the pleading man, but not dominating.

Scully’s breath caught in her throat as Krycek took advantage of Mulder’s distraction to move even further into his personal space. For a few moments, it looked as if Krycek would be content to just hold his lover, but Scully should’ve known better.

Krycek slowly unwrapped his arms from around Mulder’s body and entwined them behind his back to give the other man the measure of control that he had pleaded for earlier.

His tongue darted out to lap at that irresistible bottom lip, making it glisten in the bright moonlight. Over and over, Krycek gently attacked Mulder’s mouth, licking here and nibbling there until it was swollen from the attention.

Soft moans filled the room and Scully squeezed her eyes shut. If she knew her partner at all, he was so guilt-ridden right now that he’d let Krycek do anything he wanted – whether it terrified him or not. Leave it to that rat bastard to take advantage of Mulder’s vulnerability.

Scully was about thirty seconds into an impressive litany of curses directed at Krycek when, to her utter surprise, the young man pulled away from Mulder before the fear could affect him.

"You okay?" Alex whispered, stepping back a little to give the other man some breathing room.

"More than okay." Mulder answered just as softly as he reached out and ran a hand through Alex’s unruly hair. "Thank you."

"You’ll forget them, Lisitsa." Alex promised. "One day soon you’ll wake up and what they did to you *won’t* be the first thing you think of. You’ll get through this. Just like . . . like everything else you’ve ever been through."

Scully saw the misery that clouded Krycek’s face as he turned away from Mulder – unable to meet the other man’s eyes.

"Please, Alex. Promise me you won’t walk out of here tonight and leave me."

"Leave you?" Alex’s head whipped around so fast that Scully wondered if he’d sprained something. "What would make you think I’d even *consider* leaving you?"

"Because I fucked up." Mulder admitted sadly. "I *always* fuck up. Everyone ends up leaving eventually."

"God, Fox." Alex took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes wearily before speaking again. "Nobody’s perfect. Everyone screws up at one time or another."

Krycek looked deep into Mulder’s eyes and managed a small grin.

"You just manage to do it on a grander scale than most people."

"Very funny, *Alexei*." Mulder glared. "I’m serious. Every relationship I’ve ever been in has ended with me driving the person away. I’m not good with people. Look what I did to you tonight after I *promised* you that I’d never abuse your trust in me."

Mulder sighed heavily as he slammed his fist against the bed in frustration.

"Scully is the only one, besides you, that has stood by me for any length of time and now I’m afraid that, once she finds out about you and I, this might be the last straw with her. I’ll lose her and eventually I’ll lose you too."

The sadness in Mulder’s voice tore Scully apart. It broke her heart to think that the only people Mulder had in his life were her and Alex Krycek. Alex Krycek. The man she had a duty – an obligation – to arrest.

Mulder was never going to forgive her.

"Fox, I will *never* walk away from you. The day I leave you, is the day they bury me six feet under. I mean, hell, if being stranded in Tunguska and almost losing an arm didn’t make me give up on you, a bump on the head is nothing."

Krycek quickly placed two fingers over Mulder’s lips before he could speak.

"You don’t have to apologize to me." he told Mulder softly. "You know I’d forgive you anything. Don’t waste your breath. About Scully. I can’t say that I’d know exactly what she would do if she found out about us. I’d like to think that she wouldn’t give up on you just because of me. She cares about you too much to just abandon you like that."

"I hope you’re right, Alex. I hope you’re right."

"Of course I am, lyubov." Alex reassured him. "I’m always right."

"You know, you do that a lot."

"Do what?"

"Mix Russian in with English."

Scully was amused to see Krycek blush.

"Yeah. I do. Sorry."

"No, don’t be sorry." Mulder was quick to correct the embarrassed man. "I love it. I just wish I knew what you were saying sometimes."

"I’ll make a deal with you. You keep me around for a while, and I’ll teach you Russian."

"Really? I’ve heard Russian is a hard language to learn. It might take me years." Mulder teased.

"Then I’ll just have to stick around for a long, long time, won’t I?"

Even Scully could recognize the warmth and longing in Krycek’s drawled words.

"Hey, will you teach me those words that you gasp out whenever I slide into you really, *really* slowly?"

"You kinky bastard!" Krycek accused, laughing. "I’ll teach you those *first*."

"Then I guess we have a deal then, eh? Why don’t we seal it with another kiss?"

"I really think one was enough for now, Fox." Alex said reluctantly. "Why don’t you just get comfortable and we’ll seal it with your story instead, okay?"

"No more kisses?" Mulder asked, giving Alex a mock pout, even though his body language clearly showed relief at knowing that he wouldn’t have to try to fight his fear again so soon.

"No, slut. No more kisses. I’ll give you a rain check though. You can collect when I know you’re not gonna deck me again."

Mulder was silent for several moments until Scully saw him sneak a guilty glance at Krycek.

Then he snorted in exasperation as Krycek gave up on trying to hold his laughter in.

"You are *such* a dick sometimes." He scolded.

"That’s one of the things that you like about me." Alex grinned evilly. "You know – my big dick."

"The biggest thing on you is your ego. *Not* your dick."

"Hmph! It’s big enough to make *you* scream."

"In your dreams, Ratboy."

"Sometimes." Alex admitted. "But I’ve been told that I figure more prominently in yours."

"Someone’s been lying to you."

Krycek cocked an eyebrow and stared at Mulder, who actually had a small smile on his face as they bickered with each other.

"You think? This guy is usually pretty reliable. He’s really big into this ‘truth’ thing."

"Truth, huh? This guy sounds like a real flake."

Scully watched Alex grin broadly, then move away from the bed to pick up his T-shirt and tug it over his head. She knew she wasn’t the only one watching. Mulder’s eyes drank in every ripple of skin . . . every flex of muscle as the white cotton slid slowly over smooth, hairless flesh. His eyes followed the feline movements as the younger man walked back over to the edge of the bed.

"Well, *flake*, why don’t we get you settled down for the night just in case you fall asleep on me during the story."

Scully wondered just what Krycek’s motives where as he gently tucked her partner into bed.

Here he was, being so comforting, so loving when, in reality, he was nothing but a lying, back-stabbing bastard. What the hell was he after? What more did he want from Mulder?

Scully barely heard the trivial bantering that continued as Krycek made Mulder as comfortable as possible. *She* should be the one smoothing the blankets around him and holding the cup steady as he drank. After all, she was the one that had stood by Fox Mulder for the past six years. All Krycek had done, time and again, was hurt and betray him.

Life just wasn’t fucking fair sometimes.

Mulder’s throaty rasp brought her back to ‘reality’.

"Alex?" Mulder’s hand stilled Alex’s fussing and his eyes locked on questioning green ones. "Promise me. Promise me that what you said was true. Promise me that we’ll stay together this time."

Scully was shaken by the intensity and desperation behind Mulder’s words.

//God. He is never going to forgive me if I take Krycek away from him. *Never*.// Scully was saddened by that certainty, but then her anger surfaced again. //Damn it! I am the one in the right here. It’s my *job* to bring him in. I’m right.//

//Aren’t I?//

"I promise you, Lisitsa. What I told you before is the truth. The *only* way I’ll leave you is if I’m dead. I swear."

Alex looked at Mulder with concern.

"Why, all of a sudden, are you stuck on the idea that I’m going to leave you?"

"I just have a bad feeling." Mulder mumbled, turning away and closing his eyes as the embarrassment showed on his face.

Scully knew how often he was ridiculed because of his ‘spooky’ hunches.

"Hey." Krycek’s voice was gentle. "Look at me, Lisitsa."

Mulder rolled back to face Krycek again and Scully could see how exhausted he looked. The adrenaline that had carried him through his little ‘experiment’ had obviously run it’s course and left the man totally spent.

I *promise*! Alex stressed and was rewarded with a beautiful smile that lit up Mulder’s face.

"I want to believe." Mulder returned softly, still smiling.

Scully reasoned that the phrase must have some special meaning for the two men other than the poster that graced Mulder’s office wall, by the way Alex almost busted a gut laughing.

"Asshole!" he swore affectionately and walked away from the bed once more, still chuckling.

"Takes one . . ." Mulder returned as he watched Krycek drag the chair he had sat in earlier, over to the side of the bed.

"What do you say we get this show on the road before you pass out on me, okay, babe?"

"I’d say it’s bad enough that I let you call me Fox, don’t start in with ‘babe’."

Krycek grinned again and settled into the chair – tilting it back so that he could rest his head on the night stand. He took a deep breath and let it out in a long, heavy sigh.

A few minutes went by without a word from Krycek and Mulder got impatient.

"Come on, Alex, wake the hell up. I’m gonna be out cold before the first word ever leaves your mouth."

"Quiet, Fox." Alex murmured, amused. "I’m getting my thoughts together."

"Shit, I’ll be *dead* by the time you do *that*."

Alex just tilted his head and stared at Mulder, eyebrow cocked, sporting an indulgent smirk.

"Smartass."

"Better than a dumbass."

What are you, back in the third grade?"

Mulder blushed – again.

"Has it been long enough, now, for me to be able to blame everything on the medication?"

Krycek just shook his head in amusement and Mulder waited patently this time, turning on his side and curling up in the blankets. He stared at his lover intently and, in a couple of moments, Krycek started speaking.

Scully would have given her left arm for a tape recorder.

"After you were hurt, I spent every waking moment trying to find the men that did it. I didn’t have much luck until three days ago when a friend slipped me a piece of paper with two names on it – Milton and Tines."

Krycek ran his hands repeatedly over his eyes and face and sighed once more. Scully realized at that moment that he looked just as exhausted as Mulder – if not more so.

"They’re relatively new to the game. Spender’s little two man ‘fear squad’. He would send them on assignments when he wanted to terrorize someone. They called themselves ‘Intimidation Specialists’. I just called ‘em fucking morons.

Anytime they saw me, they hit on me. I don’t know whether they knew I was bi-sexual or if they just thought it would be fun to try and freak me out. Either way, I figured I could use that to my advantage. I found out where they were going to be that night and I went there."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three Days Earlier
Demee’s Place
9:42 PM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alex sat at the end of the bar with his back to the wall and his eyes on all the exits.

Milton and Tines were regulars which meant that they wouldn’t be in before 10:00 PM, but Alex had wanted to be here early to settle in and ‘get into character’.

//Those fuckers are gonna pay for what they did to my Fox.//

Alex’s rage was white hot and had been building since his first glimpse of Mulder’s wounded body in the hospital though none of it showed on his deceptively angelic features. After all, he *was* a professional.

He was thinking about Mulder when he noticed a shadow fall across the White Russian he was nursing.

Looking up, he grinned.

"Well, well, well." Alex drawled. "Hey there, DeeDee."

"I told you not to call me that, Shalava. DeeDee is *not* my name. It’s Demee. D - E - M - E - E. In case you forget, it’s right above the door."

Alex laughed at the tall blonde and downed about half the liquid in his glass.

"You’re so easy, DeeDee." He teased. "My name isn’t ‘slut’ but you don’t hear me whining about it."

Demee leaned in close to the beautiful man and playfully nipped the tip of his pert nose.

"That’s because ‘slut’ describes you so much better than ‘Alex’ does." She taunted. "You can’t whine if something’s true."

"You wound me, my love." Alex protested. "I am as pure as the driven snow."

"Pure, my ass!" Demee snorted with a twinkle in her eye. "You, Shalava, probably lost your virginity in kindergarten."

"I guess I should be grateful that you thought I’d kept it *that* long." Alex pouted, which earned him another nip.

Before Demee could move away from him, Alex grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her close again. Leaning in, he placed a hard, searing kiss squarely on the surprised bartender’s mouth. In contrast, when he teased a trail along her cheek up to her ear, he barely let his lips touch her soft, cool skin.

Alex’s hand on the back of Demee’s neck made her shiver as he slowly kneaded the tender skin before sliding up to grasp her hair. Tugging slightly, he turned her head granting him easier access to the earlobe he was busy licking and tugging on.

Demee moaned involuntarily when Alex abandoned his current ‘snack’ and moved on to run that talented tongue over the whorls and valleys of the rest of her ear. She was so intent on the delicious sensations that Alex was creating inside her, she almost missed his taunting, laughter filled words that he seemed to whisper directly into her brain.

"You know, if you’re that intent on attacking me with that smart mouth of yours, I have something a hell of a lot better than my nose for you to nibble on."

A small shiver ran through Demee. She smiled and whispered back.

"One day, Shalava, I’m going to take you up on one of your tempting offers and then what would you do? Take me hard like you keep promising to, or laugh and run away?"

Demee’s smile grew bigger.

"Knowing you, handsome Alex . . ."

The blonde straightened and reached for a vodka bottle. Not the Vodka she sold to the customers, but the *good* Vodka. Russian made and very expensive. The Vodka she saved for her friends rare, unexpected visits.

She poured a shot of the clear liquid and knocked it back. Still smiling, she wiped her full mouth with the back of her hand.

"If you had to choose, I think you’d go high-tailing it right back to that sexy government agent of yours."

She chucked Alex underneath his chin, poured him a shot of Vodka, then another for herself. The pretty bartender and the assassin raised their drinks in unison.

"Here’s to love, darling Alex."

Alex relished the smooth, icy burn of the drink as he slammed the shot glass onto the bar just a split second before Demee did.

Alex laughed and started to return fire after the ‘hits’ the teasing woman had scored, then Demee saw those beautiful emerald eyes close to mere slits. Instead of laughter, Alex was growling softly and staring at the door.

Demee followed Alex’s cold gaze and saw two ‘regulars’ walk in. One, a tall blonde that looked like he’d be more at home on a football field than in the small dance club/bar, and the other, a smaller red head that had a thick body and a nose that looked like someone had used it for sparing practice.

"DeeDee, listen to me." Alex hissed under his breath, but still loud enough for her to hear him without making it obvious she was listening. "I’m here for a reason tonight and that reason just walked in the door. I’m gonna play drunk and helpless and you have to go along with it, okay?"

At his friend’s hesitant nod, Alex continued.

"The two guys that just came in are going to come over here and try to pick me up. I’m going to put up a little drunken resistance, but, in the end they’ll get what they want. You *can not*, under any circumstances, mention my relationship with Mulder. Not a word, DeeDee."

Alex’s face became a dead mask as he watched Milton and Tines work their way through the crowd. He was seated at the back bar, so they hadn’t spotted him yet.

He had time.

Not a lot of time, but a little. Enough to pull his head together and work around the burning rage he felt when he looked at the men that had hurt Fox so badly.

"They might say some things. Things that I wish you didn’t have to hear. Sick things about Mulder . . . and about me." Alex kept his eyes downcast, playing with the shot glasses in front of him. "These guys are assholes. They’re going to do things that you’re not going to like, but I need to know that you’ll back away from it, DeeDee. Just let it happen, okay? I don’t want you to get hurt, but I can’t protect you tonight. I need them to think that I’m so out of it that I can’t even protect myself. Promise me that you won’t jump on that moral high horse of yours."

"Alex, why?"

"Just promise me, DeeDee!" Alex growled, his eyes coming up to track the two goons around the room. "Promise me or I’ll just get their attention and let them pick me up in the fucking street."

"Damn it, Alex. Don’t take that tone of voice with me!" Demee snarled right back. "I’ll kick your tight little ass right into next week. I promise that I won’t piss them off but I want to know why you’re going to serve yourself up to them. What the hell is going on?"

Alex felt Milton’s eyes fix on him from across the crowded bar and knew that playtime was over. He leaned over the bar, grabbed Demee’s neck again and pulled her head to his.

Whispering in her ear was becoming a nice habit.

"They hurt my Fox and left him for dead. Now I’m going to return the favor, but first I have to get them alone. They’re on their way over here right now, so be careful."

Alex started to release the slightly pissed off woman, but pulled her back at the last second.

"Give me more Vodka, DeeDee." He ordered. "And remember - I’m a drunk asshole. Keep giving me a hard time, okay?"

One more seductive swipe of his tongue and Demee was free. She looked at her friend as the two men flanked him. She shivered as she saw the cold fury settle on his angelic features. In one short moment he had transformed from her playful, teasing Alex to the sadistic, murderous Krycek.

Alex saw the sadness that filled Demee’s eyes when he slipped into what Mulder called ‘ruthless assassin mode’. He had tried so hard to keep this side of him away from his friendship with Demee.

The side that kept him alive.

That made people fear him.

That, for the longest time, had kept him so very alone.

She knew a little about his past. Hell, Demee had found him half dead in a back alley, took him in and bullied him back to health. When she had started asking questions he had, for some unknown reason, actually told her the truth about his life.

Well . . . some of his life.

Some things were just better left unsaid.

This was the first time, though, that she had to see him as the rest of the world saw him and it pissed him off.

//One more strike against you, boys.//

Alex watched the enticing girl grab the Vodka bottle once more and pour him a double shot.

He ignored the two men who had joined his little ‘party’ uninvited, but exactly as planned.

Tines - the red haired Howdy Doody looking one - sat on Alex’s left, but kept an empty stool between them. Milton, on the other hand, got right up in Alex’s space. He slid between the stool and the wall so that he was literally breathing down the back of Alex’s neck.

Alex forced himself not to react to Milton’s nearness. Instead, he concentrated on the drink in front of him and the big blue eyes that were bathing him with concern.

Both men watched him as he tossed back the drink and slammed the shot glass down next to the two empty ones already decorating the bar in front of him.

"More!" He ordered, giving Demee a blinding - if slightly off center - grin.

"No, Shalava." Demee’s words caused the smile to falter and then turn rapidly into a full blown pout. "I think you’ve had enough."

"Nyet. Not enough." He protested, shaking his head hard enough that Demee was surprised she didn’t hear his brain rattle. "I want *more*."

"Don’t test me, Alex." Demee warned, sending him a stern look as she placed the bottle back into the small freezer. "You heard what I said!"

"Oooooh. She said no to big, bad Alex Krycek." Milton’s voice was like a spike piercing Alex’s brain.

//This prick’s voice was the last thing Fox heard before they left him to die. I’m going to enjoy killing him.//

"You must be off your game tonight, Krycek." Milton’s voice was mocking as he got right up in the younger man’s face.

"Fuck off!"

Alex struck out at the larger man, his eyes wild and glassy. Milton easily batted the fist away and his smile got a little more calculating.

"Alex, Alex, Alex." He crooned. "You never should’ve gotten drunk. Didn’t your momma ever tell you that you drop your guard when you get drunk? I think that instead of ‘fucking off’, I’ll just fuck *you*."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Present
Mulder’s Hospital Room
3:13 am
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alex! Please, *please* tell me you didn’t let those assholes touch you."

Scully cursed softly to herself as she watched Krycek try to calm the agitated man.

//Better lose the details, Krycek. Too much information and your audience is going to freak.//

"Just a little, Fox." Alex told him as he held the other man in his arms once more, rocking him slowly. "Just enough to wet their appetites. I wanted them over-confident. DeeDee kept them from getting too . . . um . . . forward in the bar."

"So, they didn’t . . . they didn’t . . .?" Mulder trailed off. Unable to voice the thought that made his skin crawl.

"Nyet, moi lyubov. Nyet." Krycek smoothed Mulder’s hair back, off his forehead and pulled him closer against his chest. "No one touches me but you. You know that."

Scully watched as Krycek showered feather light kisses on her partner’s head. She fumed silently at every touch . . . every caress. What the hell was Mulder thinking? He was crazy to get involved with a bastard like Krycek.

Krycek’s voice took on a teasing quality as he continued talking to Mulder.

"We can’t let anyone touch your property, can we?"

"My property." Mulder whispered, "You’re so full of shit, Alex. You know that?"

"Yeah, I know." Krycek grinned. "Doesn’t make it any less true though."

Mulder was settling down again. Krycek kept on rocking him and whispered continuously in his ear. Scully saw Mulder sigh and finally relax.

Mulder stared intently at Krycek as he settled against the stark, sterile sheets. The younger man waited until he was comfortable then acknowledged the look.

"What do you want to ask, Lisitsa?" He queried softly. "I know there’s something. You have that look in your eye."

"You really haven’t let anyone touch you?"

Mulder’s words were hesitant, but happy. He already knew the answer, he just wanted to hear it from Alex.

"You know there’s only two people I’ve willingly slept with in my life. Do you really think I’d add any of the sleezebags around here to that list?"

Mulder shuddered, presumably at the thought of his attackers - or someone like them - touching Krycek.

His expression cleared quickly though and Scully was surprised to see a full blown ‘Mulder leer’ sweep across his face. The kind that always made her think that he had a permanently looped 900 number playing in his head.

"Speaking of your mysterious Colonel, when do I get to meet this other lover of yours? Is he into extreme possibilities?"

"Behave, Fox!" Krycek groaned. "He’s not a kinky bastard like you are. Besides, I haven’t seen him in over a year."

Scully squeezed her eyes closed and shook her head before re-opening them. It was still there. Krycek was actually blushing. Mulder observed the slow burn and his smile grew.

"You’re amazingly cute when you’re guilt-ridden, Alex." Mulder teased and was rewarded by an even deeper blush.

"Why haven’t you seen Jack in so long?" He asked softly, stroking Krycek’s warm cheek. "I thought you visited him every couple of months, or so."

"I always have, but . . . well . . . since we got back together, I figured . . . well . . you know."

Scully couldn’t believe how tongue-tied Krycek had become. If she wasn’t sitting here, seeing this first hand, she would never have believed it.

"I told you, Alex. I understand about Jack. I don’t mind if you see him and I don’t mind if you still do things with him. I meant that. Just don’t do it behind my back."

//What the hell?!//

Scully was having a heck of a time rationalizing all the shocking revelations she had learned tonight. Not only did she find out that her partner, whom she had *thought* she knew so well, had a male lover, she found that said lover was none other than the person she had believed to be their most hated enemy.

Now, to top it all off, Mulder was giving the rat bastard permission to cheat on him. This was getting way the hell out of hand!

"I know what you told me, Fox, but I don’t want to screw this up. I love you too much to lose you again. I don’t think I could take it this time."

The anguish in Krycek’s voice puzzled Scully. How could he sound so damn sincere? Was he *that* good an actor?

If it was anyone else . . . anyone other than Alex Krycek, she would be so happy for Mulder. But it was Krycek. How could Mulder trust him again? Krycek had betrayed him and hurt him so many times.

He had hurt both of them.

Scully watched Krycek hug Mulder tightly for a moment, then climb off the bed. He slumped back onto the uncomfortable chair and stared at the older man as he pulled the light cover up, over his body.

She watched the two men gaze at each other and she could literally see the desperate longing that seemed to join them over the few feet of space that now separated them.

"You won’t lose me, Alex. Never again. I swear." Mulder whispered. "But I won’t make you give up a friend. I can count on one hand the number of people you’re comfortable with . . . that you trust. I will *not* take one of those people away from you."

"Ya tebya tak lyublyu."

"I know you do, Alex. I know you do. That’s why I trust you to be with Jack." He grinned suddenly. "That, and the fact that I’m very secure in the ownership of my ‘property’."

"You are such a jerk." Krycek grinned back, shaking his head. Green eyes sparkling. "One day soon, I’ll take you to meet Jack, okay? I promise."

"I’d like that."

Mulder’s voice was getting that breathy quality that meant he’d be in a different world soon. It was a voice that Scully knew very well. She swore that, if age depended on the person actually being conscious to happen, Mulder would still be in his twenties.

"You’re going to be out soon, lyubov." Krycek murmured. "I’ll finish this quickly.

"Demee never did give me any more alcohol but that was okay because Milton was convinced that I was sloshed. I threw a couple more punches at him - stuff that he could easily deflect - and he took it for granted that I was harmless.

"They took me. I made sure I went back to the bar later so that Demee knew I was okay. If I hadn’t, I think the look on her face as tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum dragged me out of there would’ve haunted me for life.

"We ended up at Milton’s house. As soon as they got me inside, I knocked them both out. It was way too simple. They dropped their guard because they thought I was drunk.

"Morons! You never drop your guard. No matter what. That’s the first thing you learn or you die."

"Not everyone is as good as you, babe."

Krycek looked at Mulder and snorted.

"*No one* is as good as me, Lisitsa.

"Anyway, when they woke up, they found themselves tied to a couple of chairs. Milton went insane. I expected that . . . It was fun. Tines was an odd one though. He hardly said a word. He just sat there and stared at me and let Milton rant and rave.

"I stared back. I sat there for a while just staring at them. I could tell that they were trying to work themselves loose, but there was no way they would succeed. I was *way* too pissed when I tied the knots. Hell, they were lucky if they could still feel their hands.

"I could tell that Tines was getting spooked. Milton, on the other hand, was telling me in great detail what he was going to do to me when he got free.

"It was pretty funny actually. Some of the things he said almost made me laugh out loud. I even found myself trying to remember some of the things he said so that I could tell you and you’d get a kick out of it too. Then I’d remember where you were - and who put you there."

Krycek ran a shaky hand through his hair and smiled ruefully at Mulder.

"Eventually I got bored. It was play time. I pulled a small roll of piano wire out of my jacket and went over to the assholes.

"I started talking to them. Told them what a huge fucking mistake they had made when they agreed to hurt you. Told them that it was the last mistake they would ever make. As I spoke, I wrapped the wire around their necks just tight enough to hug the skin. Not tight enough to bite. Not yet.

"Unless they fought. If they fought, the wire would cut in and they would bleed to death."

Krycek cocked his head to the side and gazed at Mulder.

"I really wanted them to fight, Fox. I wanted to watch them bleed. I wanted them to suffer.

"They had bragged about what they did to you. They enjoyed how much they hurt you. I looked at them and all I could see was you lying in the hospital. How broken you looked.

"I did Tines first. I grabbed the hunting knife from my boot and walked over to him. Neither one of them had even thought to search me for weapons.

"Sloppy.

"I cut his pants open and I heard him catch his breath. He couldn’t look down to see what I was doing because the wire would cut him. Milton could see though, and I stared at him as the sharp blade cut through my target like . . . well . . . like a knife through butter. The knife was so sharp that, at first, Tines didn’t even feel anything. I smiled at him as I held his dick in front of his face.

"The pain hit about the same time realization did. He started screaming and the wire bit into his bulging neck. I let him scream for a while then shoved his useless dick down his throat.

"I moved over to Milton and stood behind him as he watched his partner die. I have to hand it to him, he stayed still. He was determined not to let that wire get him.

"When I whispered in his ear that it was his turn, I actually saw the blood drain from his face. He held out for a while. I didn’t castrate him like Tines. He deserved a different treat. I took the knife and skinned his cock.

"Slowly.

"Strip by strip.

"He whimpered like a child but he didn’t scream. I was glad that he didn’t. That meant that I could play more. He was sweating like crazy and I thought his eyes were going to bulge out of their sockets, but he kept himself under control.

"Barely.

"It was funny though. For a guy that delighted in torturing people, he was disappointingly susceptible to pain.

"I went to the kitchen, found what I wanted and returned to that piece of human garbage. I showed him what I held in my hand and he actually pleaded with me to let him go."

Scully was shaking. Krycek was so matter of fact about his story and Mulder was just lying there listening without so much as a token protest. She knew that these men had hurt Mulder, but murder was murder. Was Krycek that good in bed that Mulder would overlook anything?

It definitely looked like it - and Scully didn’t like it.

"I couldn’t believe that he would ask me to spare him. I really couldn’t. I asked him what his response had been when you were begging him and Tines to let you go.

"He didn’t answer me. I hadn’t really expected him to, but it did get him to shut up.

"I looked down at his bloody cock and whistled tunelessly and I let the salt slip through my fingers. He panicked for a few seconds, then succeeded in pushing the agony to the back of his mind before the bite of the wire got too deep.

"I watched him pant to keep from hyperventilating. His eyes never left mine as I slowly raised my hand to my mouth. I waited until I saw the confusion clear from his eyes and new terror take it’s place, then I blew across my palm. Hard.

"He closed his eyes but he had waited too long. There had only been a small amount of salt left in my hand but it was enough to set his eyes on fire. Tears flowed freely down his face but he still didn’t scream.

"He wanted to though. I could tell.

"His vision was so screwed up right then that he didn’t see me walk away. I went into his garage and, amazingly enough, found what I wanted rather easily. I returned to Milton determined to end this quickly. I’d been in the house over thirty minutes and I wanted out. I wanted to get back to you.

"Three seconds. That’s how long it took to grab his balls, apply the vice grip and squeeze, bursting his left nut like an overripe grape."

Scully was pleased to see that that, at least, got a reaction from Mulder. He winced at the image that Krycek’s words brought to mind and Scully could see the lower half of his body shift under the blanket.

"Needless to say, he didn’t hold *that* scream in. I crushed the right one also just so he’d have a matched set, then, as I watched him bleed out, I gathered up everything I had touched and shoved it into a small bag to take with me. By the time he died, his neck was just a mass of meat.

"I didn’t feel even the slightest bit of guilt or regret. The only thing running through my head was that you’d be safe now. When they hurt you, they weren’t even human to me anymore. I had to kill them. I had to.

"I went back to the bar to let Demee know that I was okay then I came to the hospital to check on you. That’s it. That’s what happened. They can’t hurt you anymore."

The room was quiet when Krycek finished speaking. Scully could see that Mulder’s eyes were closed but his hands were clenched in the sheets. He wasn’t passed out yet, but Scully could tell that he was getting close. She knew that he had taken Krycek’s words and painted a picture in his mind so that he could see them die.

He was the genius profiler. He could probably see everything perfectly - even hear their screams. He was more than likely playing everything over and over so that he could stop jumping at shadows. So that he could start to heal.

Krycek just sat there, staring at Mulder. He didn’t touch him. He just left him alone to process the visions his words had spun.

Scully wondered about the rest of the story. Something else *had* to have happened before Krycek had left Milton’s house. Something that had set him off because, when the police had found the bodies, they had been barely recognizable as human. Something had pissed Krycek off so badly that he had taken a baseball bat and beat both men to a bloody pulp - after they were dead.

//I’ve got you, you rat bastard. I’ve finally got you. You will *not* slip out of this one.//

Scully saw that Mulder was almost gone. The medication had finally taken over - hard and fast. She saw him fight to keep his eyes open

Fight to speak.

"Thank you, ‘Lex." Mulder’s voice was slurred . . . sleepy.

"For what, Lisitsa?" Krycek leaned forward and rested his chin on the edge of the bed, gazing at the beautiful man wrapped in the tangle of sheets.

"For taking care . . . of them. Making them pay . . . for . . . what they did. For making me . . . safe." Mulder was almost mumbling now. Scully could only make out a word here or there as he continued speaking.

"Go . . . someplace safe . . . don’t . . . hurt . . . love you."

Scully looked at her partner lying on that hospital bed, peaceful for the first time since the assault. It tore at her heart to know that Krycek had brought about that peace. To know that *her* Mulder loved this man. Had professed his love repeatedly over the past hour or so.

Could she arrest Krycek and destroy that peace?

//It doesn’t matter. I have no choice.//

Scully watched Krycek as he remained at Mulder’s side - watching the older man sleep. He gently brushed several stray chestnut locks out of Mulder’s face and kissed him on the temple, allowing his lips to linger for several long seconds.

"I love you, Lisitsa. I’ve loved you since the day I was born and I’ll love you until the day I die."

//That day might come sooner than you think, Krycek.//

Scully slowly eased her weapon from the holster, trying to remain silent as the assassin tucked the blankets snugly around Mulder. She was just about to rush the room when Krycek abruptly grabbed his leather jacket and walked out.

Scully cursed for a moment, grabbed the discarded cuffs from the floor and swiftly took off after Krycek.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alex walked out into the parking lot cursing himself. He had been so distracted by thoughts of his lover that he barely remembered getting here from Fox’s room.

It was a good way to get killed.

He *had* to pay attention. His quickly scanned the darkness but couldn’t detect anything that could be considered a threat. When he was satisfied the way was clear, Alex made his way towards his car.

Of course, he went straight back to thinking about Mulder.

He had only been able to see him about four or five times since he’d been admitted and tonight had been the first time Fox had been awake and able to talk to him.

This had been both a blessing and a curse. It had been good because it let Alex find that Fox didn’t blame him for what happened and he was reassured that he was still loved. It had hurt, though, to see the man’s fear and pain up close. He never wanted to see Fox like that again.

Alex hadn’t been lying when he told Fox that he couldn’t lose him. He would do anything to keep him safe. To make sure that he never stopped loving him.

Alex was so intent on his thoughts that he didn’t really register the voice shouting his name. The bullet ricocheting off the light pole to his right got his attention though and he glanced around behind him as he drew his own gun.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!"

//Scully! Damn it! What the hell is she doing here this time of night?//

Alex was desperate. He couldn’t shoot the red-head. Fox would never forgive him. He was in the middle of a nearly empty parking lot, no fucking cover and his car was still over thirty yards away.

He had no choice. He had to run for the car. Either that or surrender.

//That’s *not* and option!//

He ran.

He heard her shout again, then the sound of her gun.

//Almost to the car. Almost there.//

Alex felt a sharp pain.

Felt himself stumble.

//Fox!//

The ground came up to meet him and everything went black.

[[[[[[End of part 1 - Out of the Darkness: Love and Hate]]]]]]