Title: "Keep Your Tongue Behind Your Teeth!"

Author: Ornery

Series: Loving 15

Fandom: The Phantom Menace

Status: Complete

Category: AU

Rating: G to PG

Warning: None.

Summary: Mace learns that some comments are considered ill-advised for a very good reason.

Disclaimer: I don't own a damned thing. Even my apartment is in my Church's name, that's how broke I am.

In which Mace learns that some comments are considered ill-advised for a very good reason.

"Assigned to Piyit 5, you are." Yoda looked steadily at Mace Windu, through the glass sides of the bacta tank once more. "Permanently."

//YODA!//

"Insane you are not, report from Soul Healer says. Stupid report also says. So do sensitive things, you will not. Oversee harvests you can."

//YODA?//

"Waste more bacta we will not."

*pause*

"An embarrassment to the Temple you have become. Embarrassment to padawan, you have become. Made formal request to Council he has. Wants smart master, he does. Granted his request has been, spoil promising young Jedi you will NOT! Training bond desolved while in coma you were. New one with new master he has, a month it has been, happy the lad is. Well, he does."

Mace moaned in shame, remembering the night of his latest "lesson" in manners at the hands of that woman.

// I was drunk.//

//Told her you wished the use of her, you did.//

//I said what?//

//My response also. Very insulting you were. Amused she was not.//

//groan//

//When re-grow skin and ears you have, when well you are, go you will. Poor influence on padawans you are. Also constant source of amusement to Senate. Embarrassment to Temple you are!//

//I remember nothing.//

//To be as found you were, good thing is not.//

//????//

Yoda sent him an image of himself, naked, in the largest salle, twisted into an impossible position (and one that was the reason he was in bacta again) with his head between his legs, rimming himself.

//oh no, no, no, nooooo!!!!//

"Told you, she did, put head between legs, kiss ass goodbye, Force-Suggestion she used. WORKED it did."

"Perhaps, Mace," Another voice cut in, "Perhaps you should try to, at least around my wife, to keep your tongue behind your teeth and your lips sewn shut?"

end