TITLE: You Can Keep Your Hat On
AUTHOR: Zoë
EMAIL; bcrzoe@blueyonder.co.uk
FANDOM: Star Trek: Enterprise
RATING: PG for.well, you will see ;-)
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, Im a poor nurse, I have no money, don't sue, please.
ARCHIVE: MEGA, EntSTSlash, ReedsArmoury, WWOMB, anywhere else, if you want it, take it, just let me know where, please
FEEDBACK: Yes please, beg grovel!
AUTHORS NOTE: Loads of thanks to Sue C for the beta, and to Louise J
SUMMARY: Just a piece of fluff (hmm, like I do anything else?? Haha) for whiling away the time till Enterprise returns.
YOU CAN KEEP YOUR HAT ON!
By Zoë
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Five men were standing in a fairly small changing area. It was well lit, but would have been more roomy had there been one fewer person milling about it. There were a couple of chairs to one side, but none of the men appeared interested in sitting down.
"So, tell me again, who's bright idea was this, then?" one of them grumbled.
"Hey, I don't know what yer so worried about. Ya look great!" a second man chimed in.
"I think we all look great!" The third man beamed round the room at the others. "Particularly myself.look at my muscles." He flexed an arm for them to admire.
The fourth man groaned. "You're going to show us up, aren't you? I just know it. Why did I listen to you all? Why did I agree to this?"
"Blackmail," the succinct reply came back, from the fifth man in the room.
The knock on the door made them all jump. "Are you all ready in there?" a female voice asked, "Only we're getting impatient!"
They could almost see the grin through the door.
"Yeah, we're coming. Come on team, let's get this over with."
The second man opened the door, and was met by Hoshi, who took one look at them, and struggled to hold back her laughter.
"Don't even THINK about it, Hoshi," man number one admonished.
"I'm.I'm.sorry.um.see you later!" and off she dashed, finally releasing her giggles.
The five men slowly followed the retreating ensign. Only one of the men was holding his head up high.the rest of the group were looking extremely nervous.
As they made their way to the makeshift stage, they heard Hoshi clomp her way across the stage. And heard the cheering, and clapping.
"Oh dear god, I'm never going to live this down."
"Nor me.how can I ever look them in the eye again? Or give orders again?"
"Oh, shut yer yaps. Let's just do this, and get it over with."
The cheering and clapping increased in volume, and a flushed Hoshi came through the curtains. "Ok, 'boys', time to go. Your public awaits!"
"Are the lights very very dim and the curtains drawn to start off with?" one of them queried.
Biting her lip to prevent the tittering she knew would occur, Hoshi just nodded.
Taking deep breaths, the five men climbed up on the stage, and took their positions.
The curtains opened, the lights went up, and the music started. As the strains of Tom Jones' "You Can Leave Your Hat On" filled the room, five sets of backs started wiggling and jiggling.
Screams and applause almost drowned out the music. The audience could hardly believe their eyes as on stage, one by one, the men turned around, still dancing in tune to the music.
Malcolm Reed, Trip Tucker, Travis Mayweather, Jonathan Archer and Michael Rostov were the gang of five wiggling and dancing to the music.
They were dressed up in tight black leather trousers, tight black shirts, with three buttons undone, and, what the audience would eventually see, a shiny red leather thong.
Trip grabbed Malcolm at the same time Michael grabbed Travis, and they dipped their respective partners down as low as they dared. Jonathan Archer continued to grind, and removed his shirt. As Malcolm and Travis returned to an upright position, the foursome also removed their shirts.
Ignoring the jeering and catcalls, they had managed to get almost to the end of the song, and wound up in a straight line. As one, they grabbed hold of the waistbands of their trousers, paused for a second, and then whipped them off, to reveal their tiny thongs. After parading around the stage to show front off as well as back, they departed to the sanctity of their changing room.
The noise level in the room reached proportions of a magnitude never before heard on the NX01. The crowd was standing up, cheering, clapping, yelling and waving.
"More, more, more, more, more!"
"We want more, we want more!"
"We want The Nxers, we want the Nxers."
Five tired, sweaty, almost naked men glanced at each other in horror.
"Surely, they don't want." Malcolm's previously flushed face paled as he thought of what they obviously DID want.
"No, they wouldn't.couldn't.could they?" Archer's terror was increasing as he realized what Malcolm was saying.
"They can.and they will. Specially if we don't deliver!" Travis looked unworried.
"Oh. My. God. Are they NEVER satisfied? I, for one, am refusing to go back out there!" And, crossing his arms, Malcolm carefully stepped backwards until he reached the wall.
Smirking, Trip Tucker glanced down towards his thong, and back up again. "Well, I for one don't have anything to worry about. How about you Rostov?"
"Um.well," Rostov pulled his shoulders back and looked at Trip, "no, no I haven't!"
"Excuse me? Are you casting aspersions on the Reed Jewels?"
Snorting, Trip almost collapsed. "The.Reed Jewels?? Hahahahha, oh that's a good 'un."
"Ahem, let's not just stand here arguing who has the biggest and who has the smallest. What are we gonna do? If we do go out there, we will never be able to hold our heads up in public again, well, we will, but with embarrassment. If we DON'T go out there, they will either lynch us, or make us out to have nothing because we daren't go out. So, boys, I think we only have one choice!" Travis smugly finished his outburst.
Trip grinned and agreed. Malcolm and Jon glanced quickly at one another, their shoulders drooping in resignation.
"Damn, how did I know you were going to say that?" Malcolm muttered.
"Do you think anyone would mind if I backed out now? I mean, its not very.becoming.of a captain to show his.his," Jon blushed deeply, "his." Jon faltered, his hand waving across his genital area.
Four voices shouted "NO!"
"If Im doing it, sir, then so are you!" Malcolm insisted.
Sighing, Jon gave in.
"C'mon then, boys, let's go.otherwise we'll get that lynching we don't deserve!" Trip led the recalcitrant group back out and up the short corridor, where Hoshi was waiting.
"Well, I take it you are gonna go for the full monty then?" she queried, a huge grin on her face.
"Can I just say, at this juncture, that I protested and had my protest overruled?" Jon felt he had to make his thoughts clear.
"Noted. Now, are you ready again?" Without waiting for a reply, Hoshi clambered back on the stage to the delighted shouts of the audience.
"If you are all ready, here, for your enjoyment again, are The Nxers."
Once again, the five climbed onto the stage and took their places. As the music started (The Stripper, this time, much to Malcolm and Jon's chagrin), they repeated some of their first act, wiggling and grinding.
First to the front of the stage to remove his thong was Travis. He kneeled in front of the lustful audience, ran his hands down his well built chest, flexed his biceps a couple of times, then, to a huge cheer, pulled off his thong. He stood up and slowly, proudly sauntered off stage.
Next up was Malcolm. He turned his back to the audience, pulled off his thong, and swiftly turned around, giving them only a quick glance of the Reed Jewels, then virtually ran off stage, barely hearing the audiences groan of disappointment.
Rostov dove to the front, removed his thong.heard the laughter, blushed bright red and also ran off stage.
Trip slowly, sexily moved up front, much to the delight of the audience. In the true stripper form, he ran his hands up and down his body, circling his nipples with his fingers, running his hands through his hair before, finally, removing his thong, and standing there smugly. Well, he was smug before he heard someone in the crowd shout, "Call that a dick?" Flustered, he exited the stage, muttering insults about that audience member.
This left one person on stage.a very worried Jonathan Archer. He moved to the front, warily staring out, and decided to just go for it. The red thong removed, he stood there, waiting for the laughter.
The gasping and stage whispers of, "have you ever seen one that big before" made Jon's chest swell a little, and ever so slightly, he stood a little more proudly, and a self-satisfied look appeared on his face.
He stalked off the stage, and Hoshi thanked god that she had the presence of mind to make some trade-ins for Jon's stage whispers and Trip's laughter. She knew the two men well, and knew that Trip was often boastful of his 'lunchbox', much to Jon's chagrin. It was, she felt, definitely worth a few night shifts, to hear Trip being taken down a peg or two.
Backstage, there was arguing amongst the men, particularly Trip and Jon.
"I can't believe the bastards LAUGHED!" Trip was shocked.
"I heard someone say how they'd never seen one so big before." Jon couldn't help himself, he had to brag.
"Oh, jest pipe down. They were obviously drunk as skunks." Trip glared at Jon.
"Drunk? No way! They knew quantity!" Jon answered back, ready for a fight.
Before they could start, Malcolm butted in. "Come on, you two. Does it really matter? We did it, its over - I, for one, am glad of that - and we can go to bed."
Rostov entered the conversation. "And at least they didn't laugh at you!" He was still mortified at that.
Travis stood back and let them argue. He knew he had the biggest; he had nothing to argue about! Plus he had won the bet he and Liz Cutler had - that he couldn't get four of the senior staff up on stage to strip. Obviously, he had had to join in, but that hadn't worried him. All he had wanted was to win the prized bottle of cognac that Liz had put forward as the prize, confident as she was that no way would he be able to win it.
He couldn't wait to get his hands on the liquor. Although, he had to say, he was even more interested in getting his hands on the girl - and he was sure she would be interested back - even more so now she had seen what he had to offer!
END