Title: Aftermath

Author/pseudonym: the_tenth_muse (nancy)

Fandom: Stargate

Pairing: Dr. Daniel Jackson/Col. Jack O'Niell

Rating: R (some bad language and sensitive topic)

Status: new

Archive: sure - just let me know where!

Feedback: yes, please.

Series/Sequel: there might possibly be a sequel, haven't decided yet.

Disclaimers: not mine, don't own them, just trying to deal with a Daniel owie. I believe the proper owners are MGM/Showtime and I'm not making any money from this.

Summary: Jack helps Daniel deal with being Hathor's Beloved

Warnings: Spoilers for the episode Hathor and deals with rape.

Aftermath
by the_tenth_muse (nancy)

The room was dark except for a small desk lamp, which did almost nothing to illuminate the guest room. It was silent except for the faint breathing of the man occupying the bed. His face was turned towards the wall and his eyes were closed tightly. He was bundled under several extra layers of blankets but still shivering as though gripped with frostbite. Teal'c looked sadly at the huddled form on the bed. He knew what it meant to be "Beloved" of the Gods and for the gentle, generous soul of DanielJackson, it would be nothing short of devastating. Quietly, he announced his presence with, "DanielJackson."

The other man didn't respond. Unsurprised, Teal'c continued, "I have no wish to disturb you but I do not believe that you should be alone at this time."

After a long moment, DanielJackson turned half over and looked at him with haunted eyes. "That's all I want, Teal'c, to be left alone. I need…I just need some time."

He'd been given so little choice in everything else that had happened, Teal'c didn't know if he could deny DanielJackson the choice in this as well. Taking a quick glimpse around the room, he saw nothing with which his friend could use to harm himself and nodded respectfully. "As you wish. If you need anything of me, do not hesitate."

DanielJackson turned over to face the wall again without another word. Teal'c remained a few moments longer then left the room. This would be a dangerous time for the young man, Teal'c knew. He'd seen the remnants left behind of those "gifted" with being the Favoured of the Gods. He'd killed more than one such shattered being out of mercy; knowing there was no mind left .

That DanielJackson was still sane and somewhat in control of himself bespoke of his great strength of will. The young man was damaged, however, and in great need of assistance. Unsure of what that help should entail, he went to find the one man who would.

* * * *

Jack looked up at the knock on his office door and saw Teal'c hovering just outside. Smiling, he motioned the Jaffa in and said, "Teal'c! Where've you been?"

"I have just come from the guest quarters," Teal'c answered, sitting in the chair in front of Jack's desk.

Frowning, Jack asked, "Why? What's there?"

"DanielJackson is in trouble," Teal'c informed him.

Instantly tensing, Jack stood and demanded, "What happened?"

"He was Hathor's Beloved, O'Neill."

Teal'c's tone was obviously trying to show that that should mean something. Something really bad from the way he was plainly waiting for Jack to respond. Sitting back down slowly, Jack said, "I know. I was there when she called him that. So?"

The faintest of frowns graced Teal'c's face as he replied, "Being the Favoured of the Gods has left many men and women without a mind, O'Niell. It takes great strength of will to survive an encounter with a normal God, let alone one seeking to mate and reproduce. Have you truly considered what passed between DanielJackson and Hathor?"

There was the crux of it. Jack had thought many times about what had gone on between Daniel and Hathor. His stomach twisted each and every time that the word 'rape' echoed through his mind. His thoughts shied away from what that entailed because it meant that he'd failed. It was his job to protect Danny and he'd done a shit-job of it this time. Tiredly, Jack asked, "What do you want me to do? There's nothing I can do."

Drawing back stiffly, Teal'c said, "You are incorrect."

Crap. Now he had an angry Jaffa to deal with on top of a best friend who wasn't talking to him. "All right. If it makes you feel better, I'll go check on him. But if he wouldn't let you help him, I don't see why you think he'll let me."

"With this I must be satisfied."

Jack watched the large, black man leave the office and sighed. Teal'c's voice left little doubt that he thought Jack was screwing up even before he'd gone to check on Danny. Standing, he went to the guest room in search of his troubled friend. What could you say to someone who'd been through what Daniel had? Jack was still trying to deal with being completely under Hathor's mind control and almost being made into a Jaffa. How much worse was it for Daniel who didn't have the torture resistant training that Jack did to rely on.

It didn't take long to reach the room and he met up with Sam who was on her way out, tears in her eyes. That couldn't be good. "What's wrong?"

"It's Daniel, sir. He's practically comatose from what that bitch did to him," Sam said quietly but furiously. She reached up and wiped at her eyes. "You have to reach him, sir. If someone doesn't pull him out of the downward spiral he's in, he might not come back."

Fuck. "It's that bad?"

Nodding, Sam continued, "He's a strong man but I think this was more than, than he could handle."

Briefly clasping her shoulder, Jack said firmly, "I'll get him out of it, Carter."

Straightening just a little, Sam nodded and said, "I know you will, sir."

Jack took a deep breath as she walked away then stepped inside, closing the door behind him. It was dark except for a small desk lamp but it was easy to make out the fetal-shaped Danny on the bed. Closing his eyes, he thought painfully, 'Oh God, Danny. I didn't know it was this bad, I'm sorry.'

"Hey. You're probably sick of visitors but I thought I'd pop in and see how you were doing for myself," Jack announced, moving closer to the bed. He pulled a chair over as he went and sat. Usually, Danny would give him a snappish, "Go away, Jack." if things were bad but not horrible. This time there was no reply at all.

Oh yeah. It was really bad this time. Not sure what tack to take, he started with, "So. Heard any dumb Goa'uld jokes lately? No? I did. Compliments of Ferretti, by the way, so yell at him, not me. How many Goa'uld does it take to change a light bulb? Give up? None. They don't have any hands to do it with. Okay. That was pretty lame but hey, don't shoot the messenger, right? I bet that's from some old Roman or Greek thing isn't it? Back when they really did shoot the messenger for bringing some fancy lord news that he didn't want to hear. Oh! I bet that's why the messenger god, what's his face, has wings on his feet. So he could get out of arrow range quick enough, right?

"Anyhow. I talked to General Hammond and we're on stand down for about a week. The whole base is, pretty much. I think he figures it's going to take the women at least that long to stop lording it over us. You should see Janet. There's a gleam in her eyes that makes my prostate scared shitless in anticipation of my next physical."

Jack paused then plowed on, sure it couldn't make things any worse. So far Danny hadn't moved a muscle. He was still lying under the blankets, face to the wall. "Speaking of physicals, I ah, I hate to bring this up but Janet cornered me because she couldn't find you. She wants to give you a thorough going over. I told her to wait but she won't wait forever. And if she finds you like this, well, let's just say that if you were military, the Section 8 forms would be filled out really damn fast."

Leaning forward in his chair, Jack said, "Look, I know what you went through was horrible. Every time I even think about what that bitch did to you, I want to find her and kill her, then revive her and kill her again. A few times. Slowly. Painfully. But doing this to yourself isn't going to change what happened. You have to deal. You have to deal and move on as best you can because we need you, Danny. All of us."

It seemed like an eternity but finally, Daniel turned over. When he did, Jack almost cried at the empty look in his friend's eyes. They'd been so filled with life and curiosity and energy that sometimes, Jack couldn't look away. Everyone reacted like that to Danny. He was the most vibrant man Jack had ever met. Or he had been, at least. Now there was nothing there. Not only weren't the lights on, but there was practically no one home. Without thinking, he reached for the other man to offer comfort but Daniel flinched back from him, pressing fearfully against the wall. Jack froze and whispered, "Oh Danny."

Danny looked like a cornered and frightened animal, his eyes wild and his body tensed to fight. Keeping his voice soft and soothing as he moved slowly closer to bridge the space between them, Jack murmured, "It's all right, Danny. No one's going to hurt you while I'm here. I'll take care of you I promise and you know I always keep my promises. Let me in, okay? Let me help you."

He'd reached a precarious perch on the bed, sitting on the edge while one hand slowly and gently grasped Danny's shoulder through the blankets. Falling silent, Jack just rubbed his hand along Danny's arm, just like he used to with Charlie when his son had had a bad dream. It was the contact that made all the difference, Jack knew: the warm contact of someone who cared about you.

Gradually, Danny relaxed under his touch enough to inch away from the wall. For a tall man, he could curl up into a surprisingly small ball. Anguished, Daniel said, "I don't think I can deal with this."

"Yes you can, and I'm here to help you through," Jack vowed. "Whatever you need."

Shaking his head, Daniel said, "What I need...what I need you c-can't give me."

"Tell me what you need, I'll do my best," Jack urged.

Haunted blue eyes met Jack's as Daniel replied, "W-would you...I just need someone to..."

"What? What do you need?" Jack asked as Daniel broke off and hid his head in the pillow as though embarrassed. What the hell did Daniel have to be embarrassed about?

"Mmph mm mmeld."

Shaking his head, Jack asked, "I didn't catch that."

Groaning, Daniel turned his face and said, "I want to be held. There. Happy, Jack? Stupid, weak Daniel who can't even..."

Jack didn't let him finish. He just pulled the other man roughly into a hug and locked his arms around Daniel. Fiercely, Jack whispered in his ear, "There's nothing you could ask for that would come across as weak, Danny. You've been as close to hell as Teal'c can imagine and that's way too fucking close for my comfort."

From the vise-like way Daniel's arms clamped around Jack's waist, his friend was perilously close to losing it. For all his open way of dealing with the world, Jack suspected that Daniel kept all the darker emotions held firmly under lock and key. That Daniel was afraid someone would judge him for feeling anything that might be considered "weak", let alone expressing it. "It's all right, Danny. Let it out."

The shaking that Jack had assumed was tears turned out to be laughter. Within seconds, loud, slightly-hysterical laughter echoed through the room as Daniel held onto Jack. When Daniel finally drew in breath enough to speak, he said, "It's ludicrous. Hathor chose me because we destroyed Ra. Blind, dumb luck that she decided on me, not you. But I don't care about that, I wouldn't inflict it on my worst enemy and you're my best friend. Best friend, Jack, please don't leave me. I didn't mean to...didn't mean to let her...couldn't stop her..."

The tears that Jack had been expecting began at last; great racking sobs that shook Jack with the force of Daniel's despair. He cried so hard that the words weren't words anymore, just agonized sounds added to the tears. Jack's shirt was damp with the salty evidence of Daniel's torment. There was nothing he could do except be there for his friend and he had every intention of doing just that.

* * * *

"You felt the same thing when she controlled your mind, I know," Daniel said quietly. They sat side by side on the large bed, shoulder to shoulder. Daniel grasped Jack's hand with his, staring at the strong fingers twined with his own. He'd been a little insane with the darkness trying to drown him. The feel of her still fighting to dominate his mind, even now, was like drowning in cement. Jack had stopped the descent into madness and right now, Daniel needed to be as close to his friend as possible but settled for holding a small part of him.

Jack nodded with a grimace. "Not the most pleasant experience. Like watching myself do things from behind bullet proof glass where I could see everything going on but had no control. Scary."

"Very." Daniel sighed and shifted, resting his head on Jack's shoulder. "Her voice in my mind. I couldn't hear anything except her. She called me her Beloved, her Favored, her Consort, over and over inside my head. She filled me with her twisted version of love. It made a mockery of every love I've ever had. There was no room for me to think. It was like all I could think about was Hathor. She filled every part of me until there was no resistance. I always thought that, that I had a strong mind but it crumbled like a sand castle before a bulldozer."

"You can't blame yourself," Jack said quietly.

Looking at Jack, he asked, "Why not? I couldn't withstand her. Not matter what I wanted...the things we did..."

"The things she did," Jack cut in sharply.

A wry twist of the lips and Daniel replied, "Takes two to tango, and we definitely did that."

"She raped you. There's no pretty way of glossing over it. It wasn't even fucking, Danny. If you'd been able to say no, you would have, right?" Jack demanded.

"Yes, but..."

"No buts. No ands. No ifs," Jack said firmly. "You had no control and no say in it. Carter told me that when she found you right after she and Janet got free, you were like a zombie. She thought you'd gone comatose right then and there. And I saw your face when you thought Carter had set fire to that bitch and it was like you were devastated. You didn't even move to safety when it was about to explode, we had to pull you out of there. You weren't in your right mind."

They sat in silence for a long time and Daniel took comfort both from Jack's words and his solid, warm presence. A yawn escaped on its own and suddenly Daniel realized that he was exhausted. His body felt like it had been on the go for days which, come to think of it, it had. He hadn't slept at all since the start of the whole incident.

"Time for you to sleep now," Jack said, nudging him with a gentle elbow.

Suddenly fearful of what his dreams might hold in store, Daniel shook his head. "No, just keep me company? Please?"

Smiling, Jack nodded and said, "Whatever you need. One of these days, you're going to realize that I mean it when I say it."

A weary chuckle bubbled up and Daniel replied, "I think you're a pod-Jack. I haven't heard a single sarcastic comment from you in days. I think you're probably about to explode from the restraint."

Grinning now, Jack commented dryly, "Ya think?"

The chuckle came out again, as did another yawn, a larger one this time. Curling closer, Daniel said, "I knew you couldn't last much longer."

"Close your eyes. Let me tell you a story."

Daniel met his friend's eyes and found the warm, brown depths held nothing but care. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes with its release and leaned his head against Jack's shoulder again.

"There's this lake out in the middle of nowhere in Minnesota. Beautiful place. In the spring when the trees and flowers were just starting to wake up again, the lake is sometimes still partially frozen. Cold up there in the spring, damn cold in the morning. But it's a special place, well, to me anyhow. You don't swim in that lake until summer and even then, the water carries a chill up to the surface. Perfect for cooling off and hiding from the hot sun. It goes down forever, don't think anyone's ever actually touched the bottom."

"Sounds nice," Daniel murmured drowsily during the pause.

"Don't interrupt."

"Sorry."

"Where was I? Oh yeah. I'm going to retire near that lake, did I ever tell you that? No? Well I am. At night, you can see a million stars the way they should be seen by the naked eye: with no lights around for acres. I tried counting them once. Yeah I know, pretty dumb. But I was also drunk at the time so what can I say? It's a humbling thing to know all that is out there and we had nothing to do with it. The wind was soft that night, the stars shining truer than the moon and I remember lying on the ground, and actually feeling the world spinning. It didn't make me sick, though. I felt connected somehow. I felt connected to every blade of grass that cushioned me and connected to every fish that slept at the bottom of that bottomless lake."

Darkness of a kinder nature called to Daniel and when the world fell away, the vision of a lake in summer filled his mind.

* * * *

Jack knew the moment that Daniel fell asleep but he kept talking to lull the other man deeper. Something his friend needed desperately right now was sleep and he wasn't going to move for fear of waking the younger man up. After about twenty minutes, he stopped talking and leaned his head against Daniel's. The softness of Daniel's hair against his cheek was cushioning and he yawned as sleep tried its hand at him.

He couldn't fall asleep, though. If he did, they would wind up curled around each other as they did on missions and if someone walked in, a perfectly innocent situation could get ugly really damned fast. But damn, he could use some sleep himself. The night had been a rough one and they hadn't even gotten into specifics. Cautiously moving his outside arm, Jack rubbed his eyes and wondered exactly what had happened between Hathor and Daniel.

The door inched open and he tensed, ready to move if necessary. Teal'c head poked in and he relaxed. Just in time, apparently, because Daniel murmured in distress as though sensing his tension. Shifting slightly, he used his free hand to reach over and rub Daniel's thigh. "It's all right, Danny. Go back to sleep."

Daniel settled after a short time and Jack turned his attention to Teal'c. The Jaffa stood against the door, watching them with an even more expressionless expression than usual. Great. "Still mad at me?"

Teal'c head quirked. "I was not angry with you before."

"Could've fooled me," Jack muttered.

"DanielJackson sleeps a true sleep. I am impressed, O'Niell," Teal'c observed quietly.

"Wish I could join him," Jack said through a yawn.

"Why do you not?"

"Because if anyone comes in here besides you or Carter, there could be a problem," Jack explained.

Puzzled, Teal'c asked, "How is this so? You are rendering aid to a comrade."

"Yeah but the manner of that aid is what most people on this base would probably have issues with," Jack said.

Pursing his lips slightly, Teal'c stated, "You will sleep, now, in whatever manner you wish. I shall guard the door."

Grinning faintly, Jack knew he was too tired to argue. "Make sure Carter spells you for a shift. I think we're gonna be out of it for a long time."

"As you wish."

"Thanks, Teal'c. Night."

"It is actually 01:42 in the morning. That is why I came to check on you and DanielJackson," Teal'c informed him.

Jack was surprised. It had seemed like a long night but he hadn't thought it was that late. "Yeah? Huh. Well, I'll see you when we wake up, Teal'c."

Teal'c nodded and left the room, closing the door carefully behind him.

Looking at Daniel, Jack thought about the logistics then slowly pushed Daniel into a prone position. He moved swiftly to take his place beside Daniel but turned his back on the door. If someone barged past Teal'c for whatever reason, Jack fully intended that no one know it was Daniel under the covers with him; so to speak since there was no way he could actually get them under the covers. Daniel instinctively curled closer, an arm wrapping around Jack's waist as he buried his face in Jack's shoulder. Grinning suddenly, Jack thought it was a good thing Daniel was used to people without any form of deodorant because he was pretty sure his own had worn off a few hours ago.

Resting his chin on the top of Danny's head, Jack closed his eyes and sighed deeply. It was going to be a long time before his friend was over this but he'd be there for Danny no matter what he needed. If that included sleep-overs to keep the monsters at bay, then that's what they would do. Teal'c was obviously inclined to help and he knew Carter would do whatever was needed to help.

"Whatever you need, Danny. Anything you need."

end