By Rentgirl 2

January 2002

Fandom: The Sentinel

Pairing: Jim/Blair

Rating: NC-17

Category: First Time

Summary: Blair gets a life

Post-TSbyBS with spoilers for Dead Certain and Second Chance

Warnings: NC-17, Men in love, suffering and having wild sex

PINECREST

By Rentgirl 2

Blair Sandburg sealed the last moving box with heavy packing tape and wrote "bedroom" on the side in black marker. The small UHaul in the parking lot was full. He'd offered up most of his possession to friends from the university. Former pupils, some TA's and a few grad students had stopped by earlier and took away the spoils of his move--a futon, a bookshelf, a reading chair and lamp Naomi had given him last year. And the dresser he'd bought at the Salvation Army and that he and Jim had painstakingly refinished. All gone. All distributed among Rainier people who would no doubt distribute them again when they, too, left Cascade.

At least something of his would still be in Cascade.

Other than his heart.

His clothes were crammed into two suitcases and were waiting in the trunk of the Volvo. He made a last pass through the bathroom. His toothbrush, shaving gear and towels were all out. Blair hung Jim's bathrobe on the back of the bathroom door. Funny, he'd never meant to keep the bathrobe this long and yet, he'd never meant to return it either. There was a hair tie on the back of the sink. He poked it into his jeans pocket. That was everything of his from the bathroom.

He walked through the storage space under the stairs that had served as his bedroom for the last three years. Empty now. His friend, Rick, who was helping him move, had just swept it out an hour ago. All evidence of Blair gone. Jim would still be able to find traces of him. He'd find the stray hair strand, the scent trial, hell, he'd probably be able to feel the little bit of body heat left behind.

Okay, enough of this bullshit. This room was empty.

He moved quickly into the living room. His stereo was out and the books that were usually scattered on the table and shelves were stored away in the UHaul. He was gone from the living room.

Blair glanced out on the balcony. There were a few struggling plants he'd bought last spring left out in the fading autumn sun. No reason to bring them along. They were mostly dead anyway and he was starting fresh.

The kitchen was the last room. He hadn't brought much here. A few plates, some exotic cooking utensils, some recipes and food that Jim labeled as weird and smelly but always managed to eat. Well, the plates were in the box by the door and he'd given his cooking pots to Rick.

He opened the refrigerator. A couple of cartons of half eaten take away food. A few beers. Two red apples and a kiwi fruit. Jim had paid for all of it anyway so Blair closed the door.

Yep, he was out of here.

"Hey, Blair," Rick called from the doorway, "is this box the end of it?"

"Yeah, that's it. Let me lock up and we're done."

Blair listened till he could no longer hear Rick on the steps. He picked his backpack off the floor and pulled out an envelope. He propped it on the kitchen table with a half smile on his face.

"You're free now, Jim. And so am I." He wished he believed it.

He stopped at the door to pull his key out of his pants pocket and throw it into the basket at the entrance way. Blair turned and looked one last time at the loft. He'd moved many times as a kid. His mom had never been very good at settling down. He’d thought he wasn't either. Today was the first time Blair wanted to stay someplace more than he wanted to leave it. It was the first and only place Blair had ever been that had felt like a home.

And he had to go.

The door clicked closed behind him.

Blair thanked Rick in the parking lot, promised to call when he settled into his new place, and started up the car. Jim once called him brave. What a fucking joke. He didn't even have the balls to face Jim and tell him he was leaving.

Blair had told Simon a few days ago. He'd explained to the Captain that he while he appreciated the offer, he couldn't go to the police academy right now. He'd already signed a contract to teach school in the Watumsa Indian Reservation near Pinecrest. The reservation had an old fashioned one room schoolhouse and Blair was the only teacher coming for the fall semester. He'd be teaching K-8 in the daytime and continuing adult education in the evenings. He was committed, had taken the two thousand dollar sign on bonus and spent most of it.

Simon had actually seemed disappointed with Blair's decision. "I'll be sorry to see you go, Sandburg. Maybe someday down the road you'll change your mind and go to the academy. You're a helluva cop, kid."

"Nah," Blair had answered. "I'm just Jim's shadow as a cop. I'm a helluva teacher. That's my calling." When Simon would have disagreed, Blair gave him a blinding smile and a shake of his head. "Doesn't really matter, man. I'm a teacher here," and he pointed to his heart.

It had been hard to talk Simon into keeping everything quiet. Blair understood the Captain was concerned about Ellison's reaction. "Simon, if I thought he needed me, you know I'd stay. Jim handled this last case without any help from me. If anything, I was in his way with the whole dissertation mess. He's got a good handle on his senses now. And Simon, we all knew this day was coming. I never planned to be Jim's ride along for my whole life."

In the end, Simon acknowledged that Blair knew Jim better than anyone else. If he thought Jim was okay, then Jim was okay. And if Blair wanted to tell Ellison about it in his way and in his own time, well, Simon would go along with that, too.

When Blair said goodbye, Simon shocked him by lifting the smaller man off the ground in an embrace. "Good luck, Sandburg."

That had really blown Blair's mind.

Blair read the Lake Quincy 45 Miles sign and settled back into the driver's seat. He'd be there within an hour. Pinecrest was a tiny town east of Lake Quincy. He'd studied the Watumsa Indians that lived outside the town one summer as an undergraduate. Blair had loved it there. The tribe had extended an invitation then for him to come teach when he graduated. He'd been touched but had already decided to pursue his doctorate.

A few years ago, Blair, Jim and Cassie had come to Pinecrest to bust a plastic surgeon who was helping criminals create new identities. His perspective of the tiny town changed that trip. The violence and danger that had tainted his life since meeting Jim was now present in Pinecrest. Yeah, they'd caught the bad guys but not soon enough to save the life of Sheriff McNeil, a woman who'd devoted her life to serving the people of her community.

Blair had seen too much death in the last four years but McNeil's hit him especially hard. He wondered if it was because the sheriff dying made it crystal clear to him that Jim was able to die also. He'd forgotten that the man's Sentinel abilities didn't make him invincible. The way Ellison ran toward trouble, Blair wondered if Jim forgot it sometimes, too.

He just couldn't think about it anymore. His life was starting fresh today. His life. Not the one he could have had tagging behind Jim, but his own. One where his opinion mattered and his intellect was respected not ridiculed. A life where he, Blair Sandburg, could make a difference. Maybe he wouldn't be solving crimes and saving the city from evil and injustice, but he would be making a difference. He would be opening young minds, feeding them ideas, giving them a path to find their way out of prejudice and poverty. Helping mold them so they could make a world of their choosing.

How much more did the fates expect him to sacrifice for Jim Ellison anyway? Hadn't he put his life on hold for three fucking years? He'd literally worked day and night to fulfill his university obligation as well as work practically full-time with Jim on the force. He'd given up his doctorate for the man. He'd wanted to be Doctor Blair Sandburg for as long as he could remember. He'd struggled with classes and jobs and tutoring to try to make ends meet since he was sixteen years old. He'd kissed ass, worked without recognition, bit his tongue while professors stole his ideas and research. He knew that was just part of university politics. He never imagined he'd be banished from Rainier, his reputation in tatters. But he'd gladly let it happen to protect Jim.

He didn't blame Naomi for the whole thesis disaster. Naomi was Naomi. She led with her heart and rarely bothered to bring rational thought along. For all her kookiness and inability to listen to him, she loved him. She'd done what seemed best at the time, even if it had torn his world apart.

He didn't blame Jim either. Jim was Jim. Had he ever really believed that someone as private, as repressed as James Ellison would ever let that damn Sentinel paper see the light of day? Jim had to protect himself. Blair understood that. He couldn't even bring himself to be angry at Jim for doubting him.

Blair made a mental list of people Jim had trusted that had hurt him. His dad, his mom, his brother, Carolyn, Lila, Alex, Veronica...Christ, that was enough. No wonder Jim hadn't believed in him. Everyone had he'd ever loved had ultimately left him. Why would Jim have blind faith in flaky flower child Blair?

Except, goddammit, he believed that Jim had known him well enough after all this time to see that he wasn't some flaky flower child. Blair might not have been particularly faithful to the women he dated, but he had always been a faithful friend. He would have done anything for Jim. He had. Including ripping out his own heart and moving on.

Blair pulled into Pinecrest. He hadn't really eaten much the last few days. Not since the offer of the police academy came through. Not since his career and friendship with Jim had been destroyed. Not since he'd secretly called the reservation and talked his way into a job.

God, he had to put all of this away for now. He had to find some measure of peace and purpose that didn't include Jim Ellison.

Fuck, why did the love of his life have to be that man?

He pulled the Volvo and UHaul into the diner parking lot.

He made a mental list of things to do: Eat lunch, head out to the reservation, unpack, start a new life. Try to get over Jim.

First things first. Eat lunch.

* * *

Jim Ellison juggled a large bag of take out and two six packs of imported, bottled beer. Friday, finally, and he wanted this weekend to be special. Good beer, the expensive stuff Sandburg loved but wouldn't spring for, and several of their favorite Thai dishes from the restaurant downtown, not the cheap walk up around the corner.

Sandburg was set to start at the academy on Monday and Jim wanted to celebrate. Tonight, dinner and a Jags game on TV. Tomorrow, maybe a little fishing. Sunday, they'd just relax around the loft. Nothing too strenuous, read the paper, talk. Sandburg liked to talk. He was always harping on Jim to share, explain, let out his emotions.

And this weekend Jim would.

He had so much to tell Blair. Starting with he was sorry. He knew in his heart the kid would never have betrayed him. He'd let his own past overshadow what the two of them shared together. They had a connection that went beyond simple friendship. Blair was his Guide and he was Sandburg's Sentinel.

Somehow, all that had happened to him, from his fucked up family life to his fucked up marriage and every fucked up relationship since then, had gotten all mixed up in his head with the dissertation being released.

Hadn't the kid proved himself time and again? Blair had fought to stay at his side from day one. Blair had gone with him to Peru, given up Borneo, laid his life on the line. Ultimately, he had allowed his credibility with the university to be destroyed. All to protect Jim.

Starting tonight, he'd make it up to Sandburg. Dinner, an apology, maybe talk the whole situation out and see if there wasn't some way the dissertation could be salvaged. Maybe he could let Blair know how much he appreciated the younger man saving his sanity three years ago and saving his career four days ago. Maybe, he'd let Sandburg know how much he'd come to mean to Jim. How he'd become the single most important person in Jim's life.

Jim would open up his mouth and his heart as soon as Blair opened up the door.

"Sandburg, get the door. My hands are full." No answer. Jim listened.

No music, no talking, no comforting heartbeat were coming from the loft. Blair was out.

Jim put the food and beer down in the hallway and fished out his key. He unlocked the door and tossed his key into the basket in the entryway.

Blair's key was there.

"Sandburg, are you here?"

Christ, don't have let anything have happened to the kid. Jim went in Blair's room.

No futon. No dresser. No chair. No clothes. Nothing.

Jim walked into the living room. No books. No CDs. No lap top.

He sank down into the sofa, staring out the windows to the bay. The truth of all of this was just outside his ability to grasp.

Then the pain in his chest blossomed and spread, making it nearly impossible to breathe.

Blair had left him.

Shit, that couldn't be right. Blair would never go and not take Jim with him. He wouldn't.

Jim stood up feeling curiously lightheaded. He went to the front door, closed and locked it. A hair tie lay on the floor. He picked it up and slid it on his wrist. He grabbed the food and beer, brought them to the kitchen and shoved them into the refrigerator.

It was then he saw the letter. His name was scrawled across the front in Sandburg's handwriting.

He hesitated, not wanting to open the letter. As long as he didn't read it, he could pretend none of this was happening. Don't be such a pussy, Ellison, just read it.

Two white sheets of paper filled with Blair's writing. He swallowed hard and began to read.

Jim,

I'm sorry I couldn't do this face to face. We've hurt each other enough in the last few weeks and I wasn't ready for another confrontation.

I want to thank you. You've made these last few years exciting. You showed me there is more to life than studying it; there’s living it. You taught me about integrity, honor and duty. I know you are a private person and I appreciate how much of yourself you shared with me.

That being said, it's time for me to go forward with my life. Please don't feel responsible for the dissertation falling apart. I guess I've known for a long time that I'd never publish it but I wasn't ready to let it go. If I had faced the truth sooner, we might have all been spared pain and embarrassment. I apologize for all the problems that this fiasco caused you. I think you know I would never hurt you, Jim. You are my friend.

I realize you and Simon hoped the academy would take the place of the university in my life. You guys are great and I am touched that you gave my problems so much consideration.

Jim, the academy is your dream, not mine. I've already spoken to Simon and he says he understands. I hope you do, too.

I've taken a teaching position. My housing is one of the perks of the job so you'll finally have your place back to yourself. Maybe now you'll have the privacy and time to start the kind of lasting relationship that you deserve.

The money I've enclosed is part of the sign on bonus I received. It's not nearly enough to cover the housing, food, etc, you've given me, but it's a start. I'll send more as I can.

I've put all my Sentinel research in boxes in the front closet. I was going to destroy it but thought that someday you might need the information. It’s yours. Do with it as you will.

One last thing, Jim. I think it would be better if we didn't see or talk to each other anymore. Somehow, over the last three years, we've let our lives become entangled to the point of strangling our relationships with other people. It's not healthy and I take the blame. I think I isolated you, in a way, because of the whole Sentinel thing. I'm sorry. It's time for both of us to get ourselves back on track; you in Cascade and me teaching.

Please, don't try to contact me. I hope you respect me enough to give me this.

I wish you every happiness, Jim. You deserve it.

Blair

There were ten one hundred dollar bills in the envelope.

Blair had left him.

Paid him off and left him. The dissertation about the Sentinel was destroyed so he didn't need Jim anymore. Jesus, Blair had left him. Just like every fucking one else Jim had ever loved.

Was it him? Each time he was ready to offer everything, he was left alone.

It hurt too deep for tears. He placed the letter and money back on the kitchen table and went upstairs. He kicked off his shoes and laid down, fully dressed, on his bed.

He closed his eyes and drew in a slow breath. He could still smell Sandburg in the loft. That fertile earth, pine forest after a storm smell that was Blair's alone. He had smelled it when the kid had conned him as Doctor McKay and his underlying scent had never changed.

There had been times, when Jim's world was coming apart, that Blair's scent, that I-am-anchored-in-the-natural-world smell, was all that kept Jim from losing his mind. His senses could be overwhelming. The death and mayhem of police work could taint his view of humanity. Countless broken relationships sometimes had him questioning his own self worth.

Then that Sandburg smell would fill him. Those big blue eyes would look up at Jim like the older man was a combination of primitive demi-god and ridiculous boy and the world would right itself. Everything would be pulled back into perspective. Sandburg would smile that megawatt smile and Jim would know that together they could handle anything.

And now he was alone.

He stroked the hair tie around his wrist then put it up to his nose. The scent was so strong he could almost believe that Blair was downstairs. Downstairs with his laptop open, books spread around him, glasses on, pen flying as he tracked down the answer to some Sandburgian type question.

Blair had been doing just that the night Jim realized he was in love with the kid. He'd probably been in love with Blair for a whole lot longer than that but he had a tendency to hide his feelings even from himself.

He'd come home late from a stake out, expecting the loft to be dark and quiet. Even when Carolyn had lived there, he'd felt alone most of the time. As he climbed the stairs, he'd been surprised to catch the aroma of chili cooking coming from the apartment. He'd opened the door to a brightly lit living room. Some kind of tribal music was coming from the stereo. Sandburg sat on the floor, books and notebooks scattered everywhere. His hair was mussed and his glasses were perched on the end of his nose. He'd looked up at Jim, his eyes shining and mouth smiling.

"Hey, man, you're home." He'd stood up and motioned Jim into the kitchen. "I've been working on this research project while I was waiting for you." He'd scooped up two bowls of chili and set them on the table. "So, how'd the stake out go?"

In that minute, Jim knew he was lost. No matter what, where ever this kid chose to be was Jim's home. The loft, the jungle, the monastery. Blair was his shelter from all the pain of the outside world.

And now Blair was gone.

After a while, Jim slept. He woke up with a start near dawn. Unsettled, confused, he sat on the edge of the bed, listening for the security of his Guide's heartbeat. It was several seconds before he remembered why he was dressed on the bed. No heartbeat. No Blair.

He got up and went back down to the kitchen. He read Blair's letter again, slowly, trying to hear it in Sandburg's voice.

Something about it didn't ring true. The kid had never wanted their lived to be less entangled. So many times he had practically begged Jim to tell more, to let him in.

Could Blair have guessed Jim's true feelings? He had been so careful to only allow brotherly affection to show. Simon had even accused Jim of taking the role of big brother too seriously.

Sure, he'd touched Sandburg when the opportunity presented itself. Leaning into him, ruffling his curly hair, touching his face, placing a hand at the small of the kid's back, but Blair didn't seem to mind. If anything, Sandburg touched Jim even more frequently.

What was Jim missing here?

There was a piece that wasn't quite fitting. Why would Sandburg make this so drastic? It was as if Blair was trying to anger him, trying to push him away so hard there could never be a reconciliation. The door hadn't even been left open for a casual friendship. Not "I think we need a little space for a while," but "I think it would be better if we didn't see or talk to each other anymore." Over. Period. Like a couple of sweethearts breaking up.

Is that how Blair saw it? Breaking up?

Jim wanted to find him right now and shake the truth out of him. But he wouldn't because when it came down to it, he wasn't sure what he would say to the younger man. What he wanted to hear. What concessions he was willing to make. What he would be able to live with.

Lastly, he wouldn't contact Blair because he did respect him. Maybe he'd never made it as clear as he should have to Sandburg.

Christ almighty, hadn't he done every crazy experiment the kid wanted? Okay, he'd done them begrudgingly, but he'd done them, hadn't he. Most of them, anyway.

Hadn't he taken Blair in when the warehouse had burned down? Even taken in that damn house wrecking Barbary ape? Well, maybe he had made Blair grovel a little for the privilege, but he had opened up his home to them.

And hadn't Sandburg stayed there practically for free? Except, of course, during that whole Alex thing. That whole Alex thing that ended in Blair floating face down in a fountain.

Yeah, Ellison, you've been quite the friend. Fuck. No wonder Blair had left him.

Jim carefully refolded the letter and slipped it back into the envelope. He'd take the money to the bank tomorrow and open a savings account for Blair. And he'd give the kid some space. Not forever, hell no, but some space.

Blair loved him, he knew he did. Maybe not the way Jim loved him, but Sandburg did love Jim. It was obvious in everything the kid had done for him.

So he'd wait. Sandburg would be back. He would be.

Jim was a patient guy. Sandburg was stubborn but he was big hearted, too. He'd eventually forgive Jim for his many fuck ups. He'd remember that Jim was his best friend and that Jim needed him. Blair was a sucker for being needed. He'd let Jim back into his life.

He had to. Damn it, he had to.

And this time, Jim would be more careful with him.

*

He stood in the front of his classroom, fifteen pairs of solemn brown eyes shining back at him. He'd been tutoring, teaching, or lecturing about something for years so why was he so damn nervous now?

He'd been working with the K-8 graders for the past three weeks and according to Merrie White Feather, his teacher's aide, the kids adored him.

Still, relating to kids was no big deal.

It was this adult education class that had him ready to vomit.

The kids were great. The instructor before Blair had been at least sixty-five years old so when he had walked into the room, long hair down, wearing blue jeans, work shirt and traditional Watumsa vest and boots, the class had been delighted.

Tonight Blair had his hair discreetly tied back. He wore dark dress pants and a white dress shirt, open at the throat with the sleeves rolled back.

He'd instructed adults, well, college students, for years. And he'd done well with them, but this, this was different. He not only had to educate, but to impress.

The fifteen sitting silently in front of him were the tribal elders.

He took a deep breath and gave the room a final glance. Merrie was sitting in the back row smiling encouragingly.

Merrie had been a tremendous help to Blair. A twenty seven year old single mom of twin 8 year old girls, she was beautiful, intelligent, funny and devoted to the children of the tribe. She'd been an education major at Washington University when she found out she was pregnant. She came back to the reservation, no degree, no husband, and had worked at the school ever since.

Blair knew she was attracted to him. In a different universe, one where he wasn't a stupid love sick fool for Jim Ellison, he'd have been interested, too. A universe where he was sane and could love a woman instead of a repressed, straight, male cop.

Merrie cleared her throat and nodded at him.

Okay, show time.

"Good evening. As most of you know, I'm the new instructor, Blair Sandburg. I had an opportunity to meet some of you several years ago while I was at the reservation as an undergraduate anthropology student. I've met some of you here bringing the kids to school. Some of you have even had me in your homes for dinner, for which I am very grateful. To be honest, though, having all of you here together is making me a little nervous."

Two women in the third row smiled at him and Blair felt the tension drain out of him. He shifted into lecture mode.

"Okay, some of you haven't had much contact with computers other than what you've seen on TV or games the kids play. It can be a little intimidating in the beginning but the computer isn't mysterious. It's technology. Like electricity. You don't have to understand electricity to make it work for you. You don't have to know about the turbines and power lines and electrons and watts to flick on the light switch or turn on the vacuum cleaner. It might be nice, but it's not necessary.

"Same thing with the computer. You don't really have to know about the motherboard or relay switching or megabytes but it's nice to know. And we will have a general overview of the way the computer works. But the most important thing to remember is that the computer is here for our convenience, to serve us. By the end of this course, you'll not only be able to use the system and the internet, but you'll actually understand something of what the kids are talking about."

With typical Sandburg charm, he captivated the elders.

By the end of night, all were enthused with the class and the new teacher. When the last student left, Merrie made her way to Blair's desk.

"Good job, Blair," she said, propping her hip on the edge of the desktop.

"They really had me scared there for a minute but I think it went okay."

"It went beautifully. You won over some tough customers tonight."

"I hope so. Man, I know I'm not exactly what the whole tribe had in mind."

"Well, originally they were hoping for some reservation born and bred, full blooded Watumsa woman," she teased.

"I'm sure some long haired, Jewish city boy was last on their list." He smiled at her.

"Blair, they were thrilled to have you back."

"It should have been you teaching, Merrie," he said as he gathered up his grade book and papers. "You should think about taking the courses you need to finish up your degree and get your teaching certificate."

"I do want to but it's hard with Molly and Megan and working full time."

"I know you must be eligible for grant money. I can help you apply if you'd like. I'm sort of an expert at finding grant money."

"Okay. I'd appreciate that. I'd hate to go to the tribe for help again. I let them down last time."

"You didn't let them down. You're not sorry about Megan and Molly, are you?"

"No, of course not. It's just that it is a little overwhelming for me at times. I never planned on being alone with two children."

"You've done a terrific job with them. They're both amazing."

Merrie blushed. "Thanks, Blair." He could see she was trying to work up to something he wasn't sure he wanted to deal with.

"I'll walk you to your car." Blair's house was a small two bedroom place at the back of the school property.

"Thanks." They went to her car, a huge old Chevy in primer gray. The night was unseasonably warm for the Pacific Northwest in the early fall. Merrie sat on the hood of the car and looked up at the sky.

"You know, Blair, when I was a kid, I used to look out at this sky at night and count the days till I could leave the rez. I thought that if I got away from my family and the people who had watched me grow up, I could be someone else. I had this idea that if I could run fast enough and far enough, the part of me that was Merrie White Feather would peel away and leave the perfect woman I was supposed to be standing there. Does that make any sense to you?"

"I guess so. My mom kept us moving as far back as I can remember. Maybe she was trying to do the same thing."

"Maybe. What about you?"

"I think I'm the opposite. When I was sixteen, I went to Rainier in Cascade and stayed. I was looking for my place in the world, sure, but I thought all I had to do was stay somewhere and burrow in and I could make it what I wanted."

Merrie said "It took me getting pregnant and dropping out of college to realize the rez is my place in the world. I belong here with my people, raising my kids."

"That's great. You and your girls here, growing up surrounded by the traditions and culture of the Watumsa."

"I think it is. And when I finally get that teaching certificate, with your help of course, I'll be able to give back to the tribe."

"That's a goal worth working for, Merrie."

"Maybe." She leaned toward Blair, putting her hand on his shoulder. "But it's lonely for me, Blair. I thinks it's lonely for you, too."

"I keep pretty busy."

"Me, too, but that doesn't take away the loneliness." She briefly pressed her mouth against his.

"Merrie, this isn't a good idea," he said, backing away from her.

"Look, Blair, I know you're hurting. You're running away just like I did."

Blair tried to look offended but ended up laughing. "That transparent, huh?"

"No, not really, but I recognize the look."

"Yeah, well, sometimes running away is a viable option to an insurmountable problem."

"Yeah, and sometimes it's just plain stupid." She laid down on the hood of the car and pointed up at the moon. "I feel like that sometimes. Big and shiny and cold and alone. And usually, it's my own fault."

"How is it your own fault?"

"I've let so many chances pass by. I ran away from someone I'll always love because I thought it was the right thing to do at the time."

"The girls' dad?"

"The girls' dad. He was struggling with school. He spent so much time studying and working there wasn't time in his life for a real relationship. I was greedy though, Blair, and I took whatever scraps he could give me. I was just so crazy about him. When I found out I was pregnant, I took off."

"You didn't tell him?"

"No way. Blair, he didn't even know I was a virgin the first time we had sex. He didn't know he was the only one. He sure didn't know I was in love with him. He had two years of medical school left and then his internship. I couldn't burden him with me and a baby, too."

"Maybe he wouldn't have thought it was a burden. It wasn't fair of you to deny him the chance to make that choice for himself."

"Oh, really?" she said, anger evident in her voice. "And did you tell her before you left?"

"Her who?"

"The girl you loved enough to dump your life in Cascade for."

Blair felt flushed and his stomach churned. He didn't allow himself to think about Jim. Ever. "No, I didn't."

"Why not? What gives you the right to make that choice for her, Blair? Why can you do it but I can't?"

"It's just different, okay, Merrie?" He started to walk away from her. He couldn't talk about Jim. He couldn't. She grabbed his arm.

"Blair, tell me. It's eating you up. I want to be a friend to you. Let me help." She let go of his arm. They both jumped up to sit on the hood of the car.

Blair waited for the nausea to pass. Christ, he wanted to tell someone. Maybe if he did, at least a little of it, it wouldn't hurt so much.

"Okay. First, you have to understand that he, uh, she has no idea I'm in love with her. We're friends. We've worked together for years. Hell, we even lived together but it was strictly platonic."

"You've got to be kidding."

"No, I'm serious. We both dated other people. To the world, and to her, we're just friends. And she is definitely not my regular type."

"How so?"

Blair wasn't ready to admit to anyone that he, Mr. Chase Anything In A Skirt, had finally fallen in love and that the object of his affection was a man. He had struggled with it for months himself. He'd never had, never even contemplated, a homosexual relationship before, but meeting Jim had changed all that.

"Let's just say that this person is the total opposite of anyone I've ever dated before so she wouldn't suspect in a million years that I was in love with her."

"Maybe it's the same for her."

"What's the same for her?"

"Maybe she's in love with you and because you're total opposites, you wouldn't suspect it in a million years."

Hope, painful and bright , almost soared in Blair until he recalled the telephone conversation he'd overheard.

"I wish."

"You don't know for sure, Blair. Maybe she's just as sad as you are right now."

"Not possible." He waited until he was sure he could talk without breaking down. "See, we'd been having problems between us on and off for a couple of months. I thought that things were working out, that we were getting back to normal. I could have lived like that forever, Merrie. Just being with hi...her every day, being a part of her life would have been enough. Yeah, it was hard but it was nowhere near as hard as leaving her, or living without her."

"Why did you go then?"

"I overheard her talking to her ex two days before I split. I think the ex knew what an idiot he had been to leave. They might have even been trying to get back together when I first met them. I know the ex was jealous of me. Anyway, the ex called her and, from what I could gather from one side of the conversation, was back in town for a few days and wanted to meet. So, Ji..Jaimie, that's my roommate, told the ex that they couldn't and that I was still living there. Then Jaimie said, yes, it would be great if she had more privacy. And, yeah, it was next to impossible to have any kind of relationship with me right there but I didn't have anywhere else to go."

Blair's voice dripped with bitterness. "Jaimie felt like she owed me for everything I'd done for her over the years. She couldn't wait till she had the place to herself again but she wasn't going to suggest it or hurry me along." Blair squeezed his eyes tight. No more tears, he promised himself three weeks ago. That was a promise he planned to keep.

"So, there I was, thinking I was being a friend to Jaimie and that she needed me, when all along, she was looking for a way out. Christ, can you imagine how I felt?"

"Oh, Blair, I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. Hell, it's not even hers. It's mine for being so blind. I didn't even talk about it with her before I left. I moved out while she was at work."

He heard Merrie sniffling. "Ah, Merrie, you're not crying, are you?"

"Maybe a little. You didn't deserve that, Blair."

"I think I did. I should have made my own life instead of horning in on hers. I can't talk about it anymore right now."

"I understand."

"And it's nothing personal, you're great but..."

"You're not ready."

"Hell, Merrie, I don't know if I'll ever be ready again."

"I understand, Blair."

They got off the car.

He stood and watched her drive away.

That night, for the first time since he'd moved to the reservation, he dreamt of Jim.

When he woke the next morning, his pillow was wet with tears.

***

Jim snatched up the phone before the second ring. Three months and he still pretended it would be Sandburg on the other end.

It never was.

The only connection they had was the hundred dollar money order that arrived like clockwork every other Tuesday. It came in a white envelope with Jim's address typed on it. Nothing personal, it seemed to shout. Just old business being finished off. No note, not even a personal check with Blair's signature on it. It could have been a payment to the fucking electric company.

Every Wednesday morning, like clockwork, Jim deposited the money into the account he'd set up in Blair's name. At this rate, the kid would have a huge, untouched retirement fund at Cascade National Bank.

"Ellison," he said into the receiver.

"Hello, Jimmy."

"Carolyn," he fought to keep the irritation and disappointment out of his voice. "What can I do for you?"

"I just thought I'd call and see how you were doing."

"I'm fine. Just like the last time you called."

"You don't sound fine, Jim."

"Look, Carolyn, if I wanted to hear this crap on a Saturday morning, I would have volunteered for weekend duty and let Simon bust my chops."

She blew out an exasperated sigh. "We're concerned about you."

"No one needs to worry about me, okay? I'm a grown man and I can take care of myself."

"Since Blair left," she began.

"What about since Blair left?"

"We're just worried, that's all."

"Why? Do you two think I need a fucking handler? I don't."

"Jimmy, please."

"I'm sorry, Carolyn. I didn't mean to blow up at you. I worked late last night and I haven't slept." That much was true. He didn't sleep worth a damn now that Sandburg was gone.

"It's not that I think you need a handler. It's that I know how close you two were."

"Yeah, well, you and I were close, too, but I managed to survive after you left." It was a cheap shot, but damn, it felt good to say it.

"I know. Don't think for a minute I don't regret leaving you, Jim."

"Let's not go there again, okay, Carolyn?"

"Alright."

"You and Simon act like I need a babysitter. I'm fine. I'm forty years old. I think I can live alone without your interference. I did it for years."

"I realize that and no one is insinuating that you're helpless. It's just you seemed, I don't know, happier when Blair was there."

"Happier? You couldn't stand the kid. I can't remember you so much as acknowledging him the entire time you worked together. You never had anything good to say about him to me or Simon."

"You got me there." She sighed again. "I was jealous."

"Jealous? Of what?"

"You two were closer in a matter of weeks than you and I were after being married. I guess I couldn't get over the way you opened up to him. You showed him more affection than you ever showed me. I saw how you talked together and laughed together. You were so protective of him. I wanted that kind of friendship with you and you always held me off. It made me angry. I hated it."

"That's just crazy, Carolyn," he lied. There had been more heat between him and Sandburg when he pushed the kid against the wall in the anthropology storeroom that first afternoon than there had been between him and Carolyn on their wedding night. "Look, as much as I'd love to sit here and have you analyze me, I've got things to do. Is there a point to this call?" He knew he was being a prick but he didn't care.

"I'd like to see you, Jimmy. I'm coming back to Cascade for Christmas to see my family. I thought if you weren't too busy, maybe we could get together."

Jesus, no way. "Sorry, Carolyn, but I've got plans."

"What kind of plans?"

"We haven't been married for years so I don't think that's really any of your business."

"I'd like to be a part of your life again, Jimmy."

"Don't, Carolyn, just don't."

"It's because of this whole thing with Blair, isn't it?"

"Christ, will you leave Sandburg out of this?"

"I would but you won't. Talk to him, Jimmy. Straighten this mess out and get on with your life."

"There is nothing to straighten out and my life is going on just fine, thanks."

"I didn't call to upset you. Just think about what I said, alright? I'll be at my mom's on the 22nd. Call me." She hung up.

Fuck, he really didn't need this shit right now.

The day after the dissertation mess had hit the media, Carolyn had called him. It had been the first time in a year. She'd said she'd seen everything on TV and wanted to make sure he was okay. Translation--she was between relationships and lonely. He'd brushed her off. Looking back at it, she'd been a little pushy about Sandburg then. Was he still living there? Didn't Jim miss the privacy of his own place? Wasn't it hard to have a relationship with the kid underfoot all the time?

Jim had done what had always worked best with Carolyn. He was passive/aggressive. Yes, uh huh, whatever you say. After he had hung up the phone, he'd put the conversation out of his mind.

Maybe this time she was right, though. Maybe he did need to talk to Blair. Jim never imagined that wordy, interfering Sandburg would have gone this long without speaking to him. It meant one of two things: Blair really didn't want Jim in his life anymore or Blair wanted Jim to make the first move.

He poured a cup of coffee and sat at the kitchen table. He fingered the hair tie that he so often wore around his wrist. If he tried hard, he could almost smell Blair on it.

The hair tie had become his secret talisman. If he kept it close to him, then Blair would come back. He'd discovered he had a thousand of these useless ritual beliefs. If he didn't let Simon assign a partner to him, then Blair would come back. If he left the under the stairs room empty, then Blair would come back. If he didn't date, then Blair would come back. If he didn't touch the boxes filled with Sentinel research, then Blair would come back. If he worked late every day so the night seemed shorter, if he solved difficult cases, if he never spent any of the money the kid sent, if he never called the phone number he'd found for Blair, if he just stayed close to home, then Blair would come back.

The problem was, nothing was working. Blair wasn't coming back.

Maybe it was time to bring Blair back.

Jim fished his wallet out of his back pocket and pulled Blair's address and phone number from it. The paper was worn thin from his handling of it.

Blair's letter had said not to contact him. It hadn't said not to locate him. Jim had taken less than twenty hours to find out where Blair was living and working.

He'd been astonished to learn that his brilliant Blair was teaching kindergarten, elementary and junior high school. Sandburg, an unending source of information and a fountain of higher learning, was teaching ABC's and multiplication tables. Hell, he was no doubt helping the younger ones tie their shoes and wipe their noses.

Jim had watched Blair lecture at Rainier many times. Even before he realized that he was in love with the kid, he'd found it increasingly difficult to be away from him. So, sometimes Jim feigned an interest in the topic Sandburg was presenting and sat in on the class. Other times, he'd said it was more convenient to wait for Blair in the lecture hall so they could head over to the station in one car. Most of the time, though, he watched Blair lecture secretly. He would use his Sentinel abilities to peek into the classroom window to watch and listen.

When Blair shifted into teaching gear it was incredible. That superficial, bullshit front he had perfected disappeared while he was teaching. Not a wasted word, not a wasted movement. He was completely focused.

Jim got an erection every time Blair was behind a podium. The students were always as enthralled as Jim. Part of it was due, he was sure, to the fact Blair was so damn beautiful. There was no denying that. But most of it was the connection you felt when Blair talked. You were the only one in the room, those blue big eyes looking at you, nudging you toward some great revelation.

He'd wished that Blair would look that way at him. That even for a few minutes all that movement and noise in Sandburg would be stilled and those blue eyes would see nothing but him. That brain be filled with just him.

He'd dreamed a thousand times of burying his hands in that curly hair, of tilting that almost too pretty face up and devouring that sweet pink mouth.

He'd wondered for years how it would feel to press that firm body against his, skin to skin, breath mingling.

He'd never know if he didn't make the first move. He picked up the phone and dialed Blair's number.

A woman answered. "Hello?"

"Hi, is this 802-555-7763?"

"Yes, it is."

"Is, uh, Blair Sandburg there?" Please, let it be the wrong number.

"Blair is here but he can't come to the phone. Can I take a message?"

Jim could hear the shower running in the background. He felt like an idiot. Eight thirty in the morning and a woman answered while Blair showered. Did he really think the kid would be alone? "Uh, no message. I'll call back another time." Like never.

"You sure?"

"I'm sure. Thanks."

Fuck, that hurt.

Jim wanted to do what he always did--pull in and shut down. Like he had been doing for his whole life. Fear-based response, Blair had called it. Well, it works great, doesn't it, Ellison? Forty years old and still alone. It's not like they were engaged. Hell, the two of them weren't even speaking. That had to change.

Pinecrest was about two hundred miles from Cascade. He could make it in less then four hours. But not today. He didn't want to make an uncomfortable scene in front of Sandburg's flavor of the month.

He'd go on Monday. Maybe take a week off. There wasn't much going on at work right now and he had time coming.

If he left first thing on Monday morning, he might catch Blair near the end of the school day. Maybe see him in action with those kindergartners.

The thought cheered him immensely.

***

Blair came out of the bedroom, freshly showered wearing jeans and a heavy woolen sweater. "Hey, Merrie, did I hear the phone?"

"Yes, but the guy didn't leave a name. He said he'd call back."

"Oh, okay." He pulled his winter coat from the front closet. "Sorry you guys had to wait for me. I slept right through the alarm."

"That's alright, Mr. Sandburg," Molly White Feather said. She and her twin sister, Megan, were thrilled that their teacher was riding with them to the winter festival.

"The garage in Pinecrest promised my car would be back yesterday and now they're saying Monday. I appreciate the ride."

"It's no problem, Blair. Really."

"Well, thanks, Merrie," he opened the door and shepherded the girls out. "I didn't want to miss my first winter festival."

***

Blair awoke with a strange tingle of anticipation.

An unseasonably warm November had given way to a record cold December. Man, this weather sucked. Sure, it had been plenty cold in Cascade but out here in the middle of nowhere, the wind seemed to cut through him.

No matter how many layers of thermal underwear, flannel shirts, thick knitted sweaters and wool socks he piled on, he couldn't get warm. The school and his little house were both practically ancient and heated with potbelly wood burning stoves. When he woke each morning, his bedroom, far from the living room where the stove was located, was freezing. He could actually see his breath as he sprinted, wrapped in a comforter, to stoke the fire.

He arrived at school forty-five minutes before the kids so he could get the stove burning there and heat the classroom. That part of his job definitely blew but he had a feeling it wouldn't matter if he was in the middle of the tropics. Since the night he and Merrie had talked about Jim, there was a growing coldness inside of him.

Anyway, how could he possibly bitch? The Watumsa, poor as they were, kept his house and school in good repair and provided plenty of wood for fuel. The two sturdy little buildings were more than some of the tribe had.

Most of Blair's salary was paid by a government grant for elementary education for the Indians. The older kids went into Pinecrest for high school or to the government run boarding school in the south of the state.

The Indians provided Blair with his house and gave him a share of the tribal stores as though he was a member of the tribe. His freezer was full of fish and game. Casseroles, baked goods, and fruit showed up on his door or desk regularly. The grandmothers had made sweaters and scarves for him. The beautiful winter coat he was putting on had come from the tribe--tanned elk and hand lined.

They opened their closed society to him in a way the police department in Cascade never had. For the first time in a long time he was being treated with something more than indulgent affection. Here, he wasn't tolerated because he was Jim's sidekick. He wasn't patted on the head like a puppy or someone's baby brother. He was respected. As the children's primary educator, his opinion mattered. His point of view was sought out.

Here, despite his youthful appearance, he was accepted as an adult. Ideas that had been ridiculed by the guys at the PD were taken as fact--herbal medicines, meditation, and order and harmony within the natural world.

Here was everything he should have ever wanted. Yet, he was empty on the inside. Locked up tight.

Here, he was in no one's shadow. He could shine. And he did. He might not be Doctor Sandburg but among these people he was Mr. Sandburg and they admired his vast knowledge. They appreciated his attempts to learn the basics of their language and his reverence for their culture.

It moved him. But it couldn't warm him.

Blair went out into the cold, still dark morning and crunched through the snow to the school house. He paused for a moment in the doorway. He'd never had such satisfaction in teaching before. His continuing adult education classes were full. He'd been invited into Pinecrest to speak at the high school a couple of times about his various anthropological adventures.

So why was he so fucking sad most of the time?

He moved into the building and closed the door. The school was a large open room with chalk boards on three walls and windows on the fourth. His desk was near the windows, Merrie's near the door so that between them they could keep a watchful eye on all forty eight students. The desks were clustered together by age and grade. It was hectic during the day. During the evenings Blair was busy setting up lesson plans and grading papers for the nine grade levels. It was basic insanity but he loved it.

Blair built up the fire in the potbelly stove. When the room had warmed up enough for him to take off his elk coat, he began to write assignments for the various grades on the chalkboards.

Yeah, between day school and night school and serving on several tribal boards, he was busy all the time. Merrie was right, though. It didn't do a fucking thing about the loneliness.

As he put an outline for the Executive Branch of the Federal Government on the board for the eighth graders, he wondered for the thousandth time if he'd done the right thing by leaving Cascade.

He missed Jim so damn much. If he had gone to the academy maybe he wouldn't have lived with Jim anymore but at least he could have seen him at work. Maybe they never would have been lovers but as least he could have had his friendship. He could have shared the joy and sadness in Jim's life.

He could have watched Jim and Carolyn get back together.

Maybe he was just too much of a self serving bastard to stand on the sidelines and see Jim put his heart through a meat grinder again. Or even worse, prick that he was, watch Jim live happily ever after with Carolyn. Raise a couple of kids. Move into the suburbs with his family. Close off more and more of himself until Sandburg's share of Jim was a thin slice he'd serve up to Blair on their way to a stake out. Watch Jim's life become filled with more and more things that didn't pertain to Blair until, instead of being in the center of the older man's life, he was on the periphery. Instead of being an earth to Jim's sun, he was some far flung comet.

Jesus, he was a self centered dick. Was that the real reason he left Cascade? Not some altruistic gesture of love to let Jim go on with his life but some childish act? Some tantrum thrown because Jim might some day have a new relationship that was more important to him than the one he shared with Sandburg?

He fucking hoped not, but, right now, he wasn't so sure.

He wanted to talk to Jim. Just make sure everything was okay. He knew he wouldn't. He wasn't strong enough to stay away if Jim asked him to come back.

Assignments all up, Blair made a cup of tea and sat at his desk to look over today's lesson plans.

The feeling of dread, of anticipation grew.

*

As Jim drove the snow dusted, tree lined country roads to Pinecrest early Monday morning, he couldn't stop thinking about the conversation he and Blair had the day of the press conference.

"It was just a book," Blair had said as they stood in the hospital corridor.

"It was your life," Jim had replied. He'd mouthed the right words, he knew that, but he hadn't gone far enough. Maybe if he had, Blair would be here with him. They could be heading off to Canada for a little ice fishing instead of Jim trying to drag the kid back to Cascade.

Nah, not ice fishing. Blair hated the cold.

Pinecrest looked the same as it had nineteen months ago when he, Cassie and Blair had been here on a case. Cassie. Another sin to lay at his feet.

He hadn't even been attracted to the girl but he'd gone after her. He'd done what he could to make sure Sandburg would feel that a relationship with the girl would endanger his friendship with Jim. Had he had a premonition that the two of them, Blair and Cassie, could have been serious about one another? He hoped he wasn't that much of an asshole. He hoped he wasn't a major contributor to every relationship that went belly up for Sandburg in the last few years, but he had an uncomfortable suspicion he was.

Jim pulled into the diner parking lot. He needed coffee and time to gather his nerve up.

The restaurant was packed with the late breakfast, early lunch crowd. He was ready to sit at the counter when he noticed the sheriff sitting alone at a booth. He'd planned to introduce himself to the law here anyway as a professional courtesy. Now, not only could he do that, but he could have a little company for breakfast. Stall a little.

"Sheriff?"

The sheriff was a tired looking man of about fifty. "I'm Sheriff Jeff Pickens." He extended his hand. "Can I help you?"

Jim shook his hand. "I'm Detective James Ellison of the Cascade PD. I'm going to be in the area for a few days and wanted to say hello."

"Have a seat. Join me for breakfast." Jim slid into the booth while Pickens signaled the waitress. "Are you here on a case?"

"No, visiting. A friend of mine from Cascade works out at the Watumsa reservation. Maybe you know him? Blair Sandburg?"

The waitress handed Jim a menu and said "Oh, you're a friend of Mr. Sandburg's?"

Jim smiled. It looked like the kid had charmed this elderly waitress. "Blair and I have been friends for years."

"He's really something," she said. "All the kids at the high school really look forward to his talks."

"The girls especially, I bet," Jim said with a grin.

The waitress looked offended. "No, everyone is happy to hear him. He's very smart." She pulled out her pad. "Now, do you know what you want?"

"Two eggs scrambled, toast and coffee." The waitress gave him a cool nod and hurried away. "I didn't mean to upset her."

The sheriff shrugged. "Well, the folks in Pinecrest and at the reservation are real fond of Mr. Sandburg. He's got that reservation school running like you wouldn't believe. He's teaching adult classes there at night. We're asked him to teach a few here in town and he said maybe after the holidays or in the summer. He doesn't want to take away from the Indian school."

It struck Jim as odd that this middle aged law officer was talking about Blair. His longhaired, earring wearing, new age Blair. The man had an almost reverent tone to his voice.

"You've met Blair?" Jim asked.

"Oh, sure. Plenty of times. Mr. Sandburg and Merrie White Feather, that's his assistant teacher, are both part of the tribal representatives with the county commission." He chuckled. "Those meetings run a damn sight smoother since Mr. Sandburg started chairing them. And my daughter, Cindy, has heard his talks at the high school. I'm happy to say since then she's dumped that dumb jock she was dating and is taking school more seriously. She says she wants to be a teacher, like Mr. Sandburg."

Jim almost blurted out Blair was an anthropologist, not a teacher before he realized that, because of him, that was no longer true. He pushed that uncomfortable thought away.

"How long have you been sheriff in Pinecrest?"

"About six months now. I'm just filling in. I've got a ranch outside of town. We're still waiting for a full time sheriff. Have been, ever since Sheriff McNeil passed on."

"She was a good woman," Jim said.

"You knew McNeil?"

"Blair and I were assigned on a case out here at the time of her murder."

"Mr. Sandburg was a police officer?"

"No, he was assigned to me as an observer when he was a grad student at the university."

Pickens laughed. "Isn't that just like him? I swear, every time I think I know all there is to about that man, he surprises me."

"He never mentioned it?"

"No. He's pretty closed mouthed about himself."

Blair? Jim thought. He said "Is he?"

"He talks a lot, don't get me wrong, but it's always about, you know, history or something."

The waitress set Jim's breakfast in front of him. "Our Mr. Sandburg fits right in here." She left Jim's check under his coffee cup. He'd been in town less than two hours and he'd already managed to piss someone off. Maybe Sandburg could smooth things over before they left.

If he could talk Blair into leaving.

He and Sheriff Pickens talked over breakfast. Jim got directions to the reservation school and stood to leave. "It was nice talking to you, Sheriff."

"Same here. Try to stop by the office while you're in town. I could show you around a little."

"I will." Before he could walk out into the parking lot, one of the waitresses stopped him. An attractive woman about Jim's age, she smiled up at him shyly.

"Willa says you're a friend of Mr. Sandburg's." She indicated the pissed off waitress.

"Yes, I am."

"Could you give him this?" She held out a plastic cake saver. "It's his favorite. I was going to send it out with Harry Greene, the mechanic, when he took Mr. Sandburg's car out to the reservation this morning but I was running late and he was gone by the time I got to work."

"Uh, sure, I'll take it to him." He wondered if she was a girlfriend.

"You tell him Tina Stephenz said thank you, okay?"

"Thank you?"

"See, my mom's got real bad arthritis in her hands. The medicine the doctor gave her hurt her stomach so much she wouldn't take it. Mr. Sandburg told us about some African herbal cream that you rub in that might work for her. Well, it works. This isn't much," she indicated the cake, "but I wanted to do something to let him know how grateful we are."

"I'll take it out with me. I'm sure he'll appreciate the gesture." Jim took the Tupperware from her and left the restaurant.

Been a busy guy, haven't you, Blair. As he drove the fifteen miles to the reservation, Jim recalled the numerous times Blair has researched and concocted an herbal medicine for him to use. Usually, Jim had scoffed and refused to try it. Maybe he should have had a little more faith. There was another item to add to his list of things he'd do right this time.

The school was a wooden clapboard number that made Jim think of Little House on the Prairie. Behind it was a small white washed house. Sandburg's Volvo was parked along side of it.

Jim almost turned the truck around and headed back for Cascade.

Then he caught a faint fragrance on the frozen air. Pine tree in winter. Fertile earth. Blair.

He parked the truck at the far end of the house. From here he could see inside the glass panes along one end of the school without being seen himself. He tuned his hearing and vision into the classroom.

Blair. Jim's heart squeezed joyfully.

Sandburg was standing in front of his desk, facing the class. His hair was down, the shiny mass longer than Jim had ever seen it before, landing somewhere between Blair's shoulders. It looked good on him. He was dressed in a heavy green pullover sweater and faded blue jeans. Jim could almost feel the warmth of the kid's body.

Sandburg was describing a tribal dance he had watched at a winter festival this past Saturday. When Blair turned to demonstrate, Jim was struck by how slender he was. His body was swallowed up in the sweater but Jim could see the increased sharpness of his cheekbones and jaw line.

The class was laughing and giving Sandburg pointers on his dance as well as their interpretation of it. And somehow, the discussion turned into a quick history lesson of the area with information for every grade level, K-8, to glean from it. Jim was impressed.

A few minutes later, or maybe an hour, Jim wasn't sure, the lessons were done for the day. He watched as, with heart breaking tenderness, Blair helped the smaller children zip, button and tie themselves into tiny coats, hats and boots. A beautiful Indian woman, he assumed Merrie White Feather, worked along side Sandburg.

A group of parents waited outside the building and the children began to file out. Several of the little ones stopped to give "Mr. Sandburg" a hug goodbye. A few of the older ones hung back to exchange last words with him. A half dozen adults came inside to discuss various things with Blair. Jim could see the exhaustion rolling off his Guide in waves but Blair smiled and chatted, giving each person who waited his undivided attention.

Another hour went by before the classroom was finally cleared. The last to leave had been Merrie White Feather and her twin girls. Blair had assured the teacher's aide he could finish straightening up.

When Blair was alone, Jim made his move. He got out of the truck and quickly circled the building to the front door. Blair was erasing one of the chalkboards, his back to the door.

"What did you forget, Merrie?"

"Hi, Chief," Jim said.

Blair spun around, his eyes wide. "Jim."

"Yeah." They stood for a moment, just looking, each waiting for the other to move. God, Ellison, did you forget this is what you came for? Jim took a hesitant step toward Blair. Within seconds they were holding each other. Several silent moments later, they separated.

Blair's eyes were suspiciously bright, Jim's painfully dry.

"Man, what are you doing here?" Jim was happy to find no anger in Blair's voice, just curiosity.

"I, uh, I wanted to see you. I know you asked me not to in your note." He shrugged.

"Jim, that note. Well, it was rude, among other things. I sorry about that." Blair smiled at his ex partner. "Come over to my house. I'll get us a couple of beers and you can tell me how everyone in Cascade is doing."

Jim nodded. He waited while Blair bundled up and then followed him across the school yard to the white washed house.

"It's not much," Blair warned. "The tribe provides it for the teacher."

"It's nice," Jim said. And it was. The light blue paint on the walls was fresh. Artifacts, pottery, plants and weavings were arranged around the small living room. The computer and stereo were in a pine cabinet on one wall. He saw no television. The room shouted "Blair." Jim marveled at the tidiness.

"You think so? There's more I want to do but finding time isn't always easy."

"Yeah, I heard."

"About what?" Blair brought Jim a beer and motioned for him to sit on the sofa. As Jim settled down, Blair put two more split logs in the stove.

"I had lunch at the diner in Pinecrest and mentioned I was coming out here to see you. Everybody from the sheriff to the waitresses told me about your classes and committees." Jim tried to cover his hurt with a grin. "It was weird hearing about you from strangers." He took a long pull off his beer. "There was a time when I knew pretty much everything that was going on with you."

Blair sat in a chair across from the sofa. "Did you really?"

"I thought I did."

"It doesn't matter anymore, man. How long can you stay?"

"I'm off till next Monday. I was hoping we could spend some time together if you want. I won't interfere with your plans."

"Oh, no, Jim. That would be great. You can stay right here. I've got an extra bedroom. Wednesday is the last day of school before the Christmas break so I'm totally free after that."

"Perfect."

The phone rang and Blair went into the kitchen to answer it. "I have to take it. I'll be quick."

"Take your time. I'll go get my stuff out of the truck."

Jim breathed a sigh of relief as he went out into the watery, winter sunshine. Things weren't exactly back to normal between them but Blair hadn't kicked him out, either. He'd invited him to stay. He had a whole week to convince the kid to come home.

Suddenly, a week seemed an eternity and a fleeting second.

***

Blair let out a long sigh of relief when the door closed behind Jim. Fuck, he should have known that feeling of impending, well, doom wasn't exactly right, but impending something, that he'd felt all day was an indicator that Jim was on his way.

Except it hadn't been. He'd never really expected to see Jim unless he'd made the effort. He'd been pretty sure Jim knew where he was. The man was a detective, after all and it wasn't like Blair had been trying to escape undetected, just unimpeded. He hadn't wanted to have another shouting match or shoving contest. They'd done that one too many times.

Jim was here, but why? He picked up the phone.

"Hello, this is Blair Sandburg."

"Blair, it's Merrie."

"Hey, Merrie."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes. Why?"

"I saw a truck parked outside your house when we left."

"Oh," Blair said without thinking, "my old roommate came by to visit."

"Jamie?"

Oh, shit. "Merrie, uh..."

"I saw 'her,' Blair. I can see why 'she' isn't your usual type." Merrie's voice was full of amusement.

"God, I don't know what to say."

"I do," she paused for dramatic effect. "Busted."

"It's not what you think, okay?"

"Blair, honey, it's your life. Feel free to make your own choices."

"Merrie, it's not that I care if you know but please, don't say anything to him. Jim doesn't know how I feel and I don't want things to be any more strained between us than they already are."

"Your secret is safe with me, Blair."

"I appreciate that, Merrie."

"Can I say just one thing without you thinking I'm interfering too much?"

He laughed. "Go for it."

"Tell him how you feel. Don't make the same stupid mistakes I did."

"It's not that easy, you know."

"Of course I do, Blair. If you end up without him, though, shouldn't it be a choice you both made instead of one you made for him?"

"Okay, Woman Who Would Interfere, that's enough for today. I've got to go."

"I'll see you in the morning."

"I'll introduce you to Jim at school tomorrow."

"Good. I'd like to see the man who has your heart up close and personal."

"Bye, Merrie."

"Bye, Blair."

The front door opened as Blair put the receiver down. Jim had a cake tub in one hand and a duffle bag in the other.

"You baked a cake?"

"No, it's a thank you from Tina Stephenz."

"Alright. That means it's red velvet cake." Blair took the cake into the kitchen, cut two huge slices and put them on white Corelle plates. "She found out red velvet was my favorite when I was a kid. Hers is great."

"She said to tell you that the medicine you gave her mom helped." He accepted the cake from Blair. Leaning against the kitchen counter he took a bite. "Delicious."

"Isn't it? I'm glad her mom is feeling better. They're both such nice ladies."

"Do you know everyone in town?" Jim asked, quickly eating the cake. It was unlike any cake he'd ever eaten, incredibly moist with a cream cheese icing.

"Not everybody in Pinecrest but pretty much everyone on the reservation."

"You seem to have acquired quite a fan club here. It's Mr. Sandburg this and Mr. Sandburg that."

Blair glared at Jim, a quick pinprick of irritation piercing his heart. "And they shouldn't feel that way, right? I'm just whacked out old Blair. What could anyone find admirable or worthwhile about me?"

"Where did that come from?" Jim said, suddenly angry himself. "I must find you somewhat admirable or worthwhile. I just drove two hundred miles to see you even after you hauled ass for no apparent reason."

"Oh, fuck you, Ellison." Blair slammed his plate in to the yellow enamel sink, shattering the Corelle and littering the countertop with glass shards and red cake. "Just because my reasons haven't been processed and approved by you doesn't mean they're not valid. Man, nothing changes. Everything has to be your way."

"Is that how you really see it, Sandburg?" He crowded Blair against the kitchen cabinet, unconsciously trying to use his larger size to intimidate.

"Is there any other way to see it, Jim?" Blair angled his head up and raised himself up to his full height. "I'm not living under your roof so I don't have to take your fucking bullshit anymore."

"You little prick!" Jim grabbed the front of Blair's sweater and pulled the kid toward him. "Did I ever make you feel like the loft wasn't your place, too?"

Blair seemed to deflate in front of Jim's eyes. "Yeah, man, you did. All the time." There. All the hurt they'd pushed away in the last year was between them again, hot and new. Blair's heart physically ached in his chest. "I never forgot everything was yours. Not for a minute."

Jim released the sweater. He looked at his hands, shocked that he'd lashed out at Blair. He scrubbed his hands across his face. "Jesus, Sandburg, I didn't come here to fight with you."

Blair rubbed his breast bone absently, trying to ease the pain. The first time Jim had touched him in months and it was in anger. "Why did you come?"

"I missed you."

"What?" It wasn't what Blair had expected to hear.

"I said, I missed you."

"I miss you, too, man." The anger between them melted away, replaced by a different tension Jim couldn't quite name.

He put his hands on Blair's shoulders. "Why did you leave Cascade like that?" He gently urged the kid closer to him. "Why did you leave me?"

Blair looked into the cool blue eyes that he'd thought of so many times. Tell him how you feel, Merrie had said. And he would. Just not with words.

He shifted his weight so he was pressed against the older man. He slid his hands up Jim's chest and cupped them on either side of his strong neck. "I couldn't stay without this," Blair whispered, his warm breath, scented with red velvet cake and cream cheese icing, fanning Jim's face. He ran his tongue slowly across Jim's lips, the last few crumbs of sweetness still clinging to their hard lines. He stood up on his toes and placed tiny kisses at the corners of that cake delicious mouth.

When Jim continued to stand stock still, Blair pulled back, afraid he'd just made the biggest fuck up of his life.

***

Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Why had he listened to Merrie? Jim was going to kill him. Why did he kiss him? What was he thinking? Okay, he hadn't been thinking.

Jim continued to stare at him, unmoving.

Oh fuck, he was zoned out. Blair reached out and drew his forefinger down the side of Jim's face. Such a wonderful face. Masculine perfection. Blair traced the older man's jaw line. My god. No, a Nordic god. Blair rarely had an opportunity to look his fill at that face. To see without being seen. To study it motionless, like a sculpture, rather than animated. Pretty damn close to breathtaking.

Yeah, Jim was awesome. The face, the body, the whole package.

While he, on the other hand, was one sick fucking puppy. What kind of a Guide left his Sentinel in a zone out so he could gawk and cop a little feel? A majorly perverted one. Okay, bring him back. Jim would probably flatten him for that kiss but Blair couldn't seem to find it in him to care.

"Jim. Jim. Come on back, man." He touched the older man's arm and tried again. "Jim, I know you can hear me. Come back from where ever you are."

Jim started. Blair watched as a flood of awareness filled that amazing face.

He wondered how long Jim would let him live. He ran his tongue around his own lips trying to detect a last taste of Jim before he had to confront a 190 pounds of pissed off Sentinel.

"You okay, man?"

"Oh, yeah," Jim said, advancing on Blair. "Better than okay." He wrapped his arms around Blair and hauled the smaller man against him. "You were saying something about not being able to stay without this?" He put a tiny kiss on the tip of Blair's nose. "Am I right?"

"Uh." Blair's mouth opened but he couldn't seem to string enough sounds together to form a yes or no to Jim's question. "Uh."

"Speechless? Perfect." Jim slid his tongue between Blair's parted lips. As he lapped up the wonderful combination of sugary icing and pine tree freshness in the kid's mouth, he worried he might zone out again.

Then he felt the rush of Blair's breath fill his own lungs. Nope, no zone out on the horizon. He wasn't going to miss this for anything. Besides, it wasn't just taste now. Sandburg was filling up all his senses.

Plus, he'd had the most minor of zone outs. He'd have to beware of red velvet Sandburg licks in the future.

Hearing that voice pull him back was an almost sensual treat. He'd never realized before how much of a turn on it was to be so focused on his Guide. Call me and I come running, Blair.

Sandburg's erection rubbed against Jim's thigh. Christ, the kid was hot off the mark and ready to go. As Blair worked his hand between their bodies and cupped Jim's erection, Ellison decided he was running a little hot off the mark himself. Not that he had much problem in the hard on department but, hey, at forty it usually took more than a lick, a kiss and some shared breathing.

Obviously not when it came to Sandburg.

The kid's clever hands pulled at Jim's belt buckle. A fast worker, his Sandburg. The belt was open, the fly button quickly pushed through the eyelet, the zipper dragged down and the kid never missed a beat. Meeting Jim's tongue, stealing his breath, turning his muscles into jelly.

Blair pulled his prize, Jim's pole hard cock, out of the tight jeans. He ran his thumb over the tip, feeling the moisture gathered at it. Oh, yeah, Ellison was hot for him. How had he missed that all this time?

He cradled Jim's balls in one hand and circled the base of the cock with the other. Blair felt a momentary flare of panic as he began to stroke the engorged penis. Would Jim expect Blair to be experienced at this?

The way Ellison's hips were bucking, Blair was doing the hand job right, but then, he'd been practicing on himself for fifteen years or so.

Jim tore his mouth from Blair's and began to tongue the kid's ear. "Blair, let's move this into your bedroom."

"Yes." No woman ever worked on Blair's ear the way Jim was. Rough and gentle. Like he knew he could use a little strength. Like he wanted him bad. But that big cock. He had to say something. "Jim, I have to tell you," he broke off and moaned as Ellison began to knead his ass.

"I want you, Blair," Jim sighed into Sandburg's ear. He squeezed Blair's ass tighter. "I want inside you."

"Oh, god, Jim." Blair's cock was ready to rip through his jeans. "Jim, I want you, too, but you have to know..."

Jim leaned back to look into the kid's face but kept Blair in his arms. Beautiful, Blair decided. Beautiful and he wants me.

"Tell me, Chief." The concern in Jim's voice washed away the remaining ache in Blair's heart.

"Nothing to worry about, really. I just want you to know, before we do anything else," he paused.

"Tell me."

"I've never done this before."

"Done this?" The words weren't making it through the fog in Jim's brain.

"I've never been with a man. This will be my first time." Blair suddenly felt silly. He was pretty sure that the ex-Ranger had banked on the wild anthropologist to be a little more suave in the lovemaking department.

Jim smiled. "Seriously? I'll be your first?"

Blair nodded. Jim kissed him softly on the mouth. "Then I'm a damn lucky man." He searched Blair's blue eyes. "Are you sure, Chief? I don't want you to feel, I don't know, pressured."

"I'm sure. I'm totally sure, man." He resumed stroking Jim's cock. "You'll just have understand if I do something wrong."

Jim shook his head. "Don't worry about doing anything wrong. We'll be great together." He kissed Blair again. His first. What Blair didn't know yet was he planned to be the kid's only.

Blair whispered against Jim's mouth "Bedroom. Now.

"Now," Jim repeated. He held Blair close and buried his nose in the kid's long curls. At last. Blair. He was holding him and kissing and touching him and it was real. Blair.

"Jim. Jim, let me go. There's someone at the door."

Jim heard the pounding on the front door and the call of "Mr. Sandburg, are you there? It's me, Trisha."

"Oh, shit. I am so sorry, man. I forgot I had a four thirty tutoring session." As he was talking, Blair was easing Jim back into his jeans, pulling up the zipper, buttoning the fly, buckling the belt. The kid could dress someone as quickly and efficiently as he undressed them. Lots of practice, Jim thought.

Blair shook out his long hair, pulled his green sweater down to hide his erection and gave Jim a fast kiss. "You better go into the bedroom and straighten yourself up," Blair laughed. "You look a little . . .kissed."

Blair looked like he'd been doing nothing more intense or involved than reading a book. Apparently something else Sandburg had practice doing.

Damn. Jim recognized that burning in his stomach as jealousy.

"Jim, please, I've got a student."

"Sure." He picked up his duffle bag and went into the small bedroom he assumed was Sandburg's.

Blair looked and sounded perfectly normal while he was a lusty mess. Maybe this was all old hat for Sandburg. He said he'd never been with a man before but he never claimed not to fuck a friend when the opportunity arose.

He heard Sandburg open the front door. "Hey, Trisha, come in."

"Hi, Mr. Sandburg. Thanks for seeing me on such short notice. I really need help starting this paper."

Jim felt another spike of jealousy. This girl was no middle schooler. He slipped into the hallway and caught a glimpse of her. He could hear her elevated heart rate and smell her feminine arousal as she spoke to Blair.

She was Sandburg's usual type. Probably 21 or 22 years old with long dark hair, pretty face and a pert little body. Smart, too, Jim realized as he listened to the two of them discuss the paper she had due after the winter break. A university student somewhere.

He heard Sandburg clean up the broken plate on the sink and countertop. He listened to the girl's voice, breathy and flirty. Sandburg's voice was steady and normal in reply. Of course, he'd sounded steady and normal while he'd been storing Jim's cock away for future use.

Goddamn it.

Maybe he had to show Blair that he was more, that he wanted to be more, than a convenient fuck for him. It wouldn't be easy. Especially since Sandburg was so willing and Jim was so eager but maybe they'd wait a while. Practice a little delayed gratification.

The burst of laughter from the living room firmed up Jim's resolve. He'd woo Sandburg. Wine and dine him. Maybe he could make the kid fall in love with him. Then he'd screw Blair's brains out, bundle him up and take him home to Cascade.

Yep, he'd ambush the little son of a bitch. He was an old Army Ranger, after all.

Besides, he needed Blair. Hell, he loved Blair.

For now, a shower and little jerking off. Then he'd kick that little coed's ass out the door.

***

Two am.

He'd been tossing and turning for hours now. This was absolutely not how he'd wanted to spend the night. After the make out session in the kitchen, the interrupted hand job and the sizzling looks he'd gotten the rest of the evening, well, he never imagined he'd be in this bed all by himself, aching erection in hand.

"Let's not rush this," Jim had said. He had given Blair a dry, closed mouthed kiss then shut the bedroom door in his face.

The first hour Blair laid in his cold bed, he'd been bewildered. What the hell had gone wrong?

The second hour, he'd been hurt. How could Jim offer him a glimpse of paradise then shoo him away?

It was the third hour now and he was just plain pissed. That bastard. Was this some game Jim was playing with him? A little pay back for leaving Cascade? Taunt the anthropologist with some hard dick, just enough to whet his nearly ravenous appetite, then snatch it back out of reach?

Or was this punishment for the way today had worked out? Trisha stayed for two hours, Jim glowering at her for most of it.

Trisha was a tough cookie, though, and didn't let Jim run her off. She needed that paper to graduate and, quite honestly, Blair needed the fifty dollar tutoring fee. His living expenses were low but he was trying to pay Jim off as well as save for a vehicle more suited to reservation life. The Volvo had a hard time with the packed dirt roads and the snow so he tutored every chance he got. If Jim had a problem with that, tough shit.

After the girl left, Ellison had wanted to take Blair into town for dinner. Blair couldn't, of course, as the last adult education class of the year was being held that night. He'd encouraged Jim to go into town or to relax in the house but Jim insisted on sitting in on the computer class.

He spent the evening being charming to the tribal elders and watching Blair. Those icy blue eyes had been watching, searching, promising.

And now, here he lay. Alone. Cold. Hard. While his ex roommate was sleeping in the next room. Just like the good old days in the loft.

The prick tease.

The prick tease who'd sucked on his tongue, eyed him all night and then pushed him off to bed with a grandmotherly peck good night.

The prick tease he happened to be in love with.

Didn't make sense. No matter how many ways Blair looked as it, as he watched his breath turn into puffs of vapor in his cold room, it didn't add up.

He had to get some sleep. He had class in the morning. He punched his pillow and rolled over, carefully wedging his hard on between his belly and the mattress. Down boy, he commanded, but his cock was ignoring him as easily as Jim had.

Why would Ellison come all the way here, knowing there was every possibility that Blair would refuse to see him? Why would he practically swallow Blair's tonsils, barely let him out of his sight, then give some bullshit about taking it slow?

It didn't make sense.

Unless. Unless the unfeeling bastard had gotten cold feet.

Jim had obviously fucked other guys but maybe that had been in the heat of the moment experiences, like what almost happened in the kitchen. Maybe Jim was only cool with the whole homosexual thing if he could rationalize it away. You know, being swept away by the moment. The heat of passion.

Blair had once dated a girl, Christine Fitzpatrick, who was like that. She wanted it, sure, but every time they had sex, she had to pretend it hadn't been her choice. Nothing nonconsensual, god no, nothing like that. What Christine wanted was to feel like she hadn't been in control of herself because she was so overcome with desire. She wanted to pretend that the civilized, good Catholic girl she really was didn't stand a chance when faced with the passion of the animal within. She was convinced that the beast within was released every time Blair Sandburg kissed her.

She was great in bed but she was one demanding girl. He broke up with her when he got tired of playing the role of the seducer in their relationship.

But he did know how to play the role.

So, Jim needed to feel he was caught up in the moment. He wanted to pretend the only reason he was humping another man was because he just couldn't resist the beast within.

Ah, the components were coming together. The scientist in Sandburg smiled. He had a problem, he had a hypotheses, he had to design an experiment to test out his theory.

Starting tomorrow, he'd make sure everything he did was done to help move Jim Ellison one step closer to losing control. To releasing the animal trapped inside. If Jim needed to feel he was blinded by passion in order to make love to Blair, then Blair would make damn sure Jim was blinded by passion.

Blair knew he could do it. He'd screwed scores of women. He understood seduction. He was a scientist. He knew how to carry out an experiment. He knew Jim. Hell, he loved Jim. He could do this.

Maybe Blair wouldn't have Jim forever, but not having him in his life at all had sucked. Maybe if the sex was a tenth as good as Blair figured it would be, Jim might make that two hundred mile drive every now and again.

And maybe, if Blair got this sex thing out of his system, he could be content with just having Jim's friendship.

Ignoring the voice in his head that screamed "Liar" Blair closed his eyes and went to sleep.

In the morning, Operation Seduce the Sentinel would begin.

Blair dressed deliberately that morning. As a rule, he wasn't one to preen but today he was trying to catch the attention of someone who could be aware of him on all the levels of his senses.

He shampooed and showered with a lightly fragranced herbal blend. Too much scent bothered Jim but a little might make him take notice.

He let his hair air day. It looked a little curlier, a little fuller and softer. More touchable.

He put on one of the sweaters the grandmothers had made for him. It was thick and soft and the blue made his eyes look even bluer. At least, that's what one of the elderly ladies had told him.

Blue jeans were bypassed for a pair of tight black corduroys. Every step he took made a quiet whoosh that a Sentinel would have a hard time ignoring. The traditional Watumsa boots he often wore had a string of ten tiny silver bells on each heel. He slipped them on. Jim would know where he was every moment today.

Blair smiled at his reflection in the mirror. He'd been called beautiful many times but when he looked at his reflection, he just didn't see it. But Jim did. So, that the fuck? He'd flaunt it. Starting this morning.

He went into the living room and threw another log into the stove.

"Hey, Jim," he called down the hallway, "I'm heading over to the school."

"Sandburg," Jim replied through the closed bedroom door, "I thought school didn't start till eight."

"It doesn't but someone has to start the stove and that someone is me. The coffee is made. There's cereal on top of the fridge. Help yourself."

Blair was in his coat and out into the snow before Jim could answer.

***

Jim hadn't slept for shit. Jerking off once in the shower and once in the sack hadn't done much. He spent the night having Sandburg dreams--dreams about kissing those pouty lips, dreams about having those pouty lips wrapped around his cock, dreams about pushing his cock into that tight little ass.

The fact that all of that could have happened for real last night didn't help his sanity. He'd almost given in when Sandburg had looked up at him with a mixture of desire and disappointment in his big blue eyes. It had taken every bit of strength he had to give the kid a peck good night and say let's not rush it.

Christ almighty, he'd wanted to rush it. Wanted to show Blair just how much of a throw back he could be. There was no doubt in his mind that Sandburg had been hoping that was exactly what Jim would do. Having sex then, though, would have been winning the battle and maybe losing the war.

Fucking Blair, that was good but not nearly good enough. He had to make Blair want that fucking, need that fucking, so much that he'd pack his bags and head back home. Only having the kid with him forever would be good enough.

Jim dressed in tight, faded jeans that outlined the package Blair had found so fascinating in the kitchen. He pulled on a thin, brown clingy sweater without his usual undershirt. Colder, maybe, but it showed the definition of his chest and abdomen more clearly. He blew his hair dry, making it appear a little fuller on top.

He inspected his reflection in the bathroom mirror. His hair was thinner and the lines fanning out from his eyes were more pronounced than they had been just three years ago when he and Blair met. Some days he felt so goddamned ancient.

Everyday that he and the kid had been apart, he'd felt old. Every time he got that fucking money order in the mail, he'd felt old. Every time he thought about how alone he was, he'd felt old.

Then Blair admitted he couldn't stay in Cascade because he'd been physically attracted to Jim. Now, forty didn't feel old. Forty felt fine. Forty felt like the prime of his life. Forty felt perfect.

He gave the mirror a feral smile.

Yeah, forty was perfect. For anthropologist hunting.

*

Blair, Merrie and the twins were alone in the school when Jim arrived. The girls obviously adored their teacher and their mother looked at him like he was dessert.

Jim felt a momentary pang of guilt. He should probably back off. This little group could be a family. Blair and the woman were equally beautiful, equally intelligent, and about the same age.

The twins would get a great dad, the woman a good husband and Blair a shot a having a normal life. What Jim could give him, a somewhat secret life, a relationship outside the legal and moral bounds of the world, seemed so damned tawdry in comparison.

He should tell Sandburg that he had to go back, that Simon had called and cut his vacation short.

Then Blair looked up and saw him.

Those incredible eyes filled up with warmth and pleasure. For him. Because Blair was looking at him. That perfect mouth curved up into a smile that took Jim's breath away. And it was all for him.

He wasn't going to give up without a fight. He'd find a way to dazzle the kid like the kid had dazzled him. He'd explain everything, the right way this time, and then they'd have a real chance together.

"Jim, hey," Blair said. Jim heard the whisper of fabric against fabric, whoosh, whoosh, and the tinkling of bells as Blair approached him. Blair put his warm hand on Jim's arm. "Come on, I want you to meet Merrie White Feather and her daughters." He slipped his hand to the small of Jim's back and urged him forward. Jim leaned back into the heat of that hand for a moment.

"Jim Ellison, this is Merrie White Feather. Merrie, this is Jim."

Merrie placed her small hand into Jim's. Her dark eyes twinkled as she said "So nice to meet you. Blair has told me so much about you."

"Really? I'm glad to meet you, too."

"These are my girls, Molly and Megan." The girls solemnly put out their hands to shake.

"Ladies," Jim said. Both girls giggled and turned to Blair.

"Mr. Sandburg," Molly said, "he's so big."

Blair gave Jim a slow once over. "I guess compared to me, he is."

The little fucker was flirting with him. This lovely woman and her family right here, waiting for him, and he was flirting with Jim.

"I put a big person chair and table in the back for you, Jim," Merrie said. "Blair said you wanted to observe class."

"I've got a couple of things left to put up on the board," Blair said. "Make yourself comfortable, man."

"Have you ever seen Blair teach before?" Merrie asked when she and Jim were alone.

"I watched him many times at Rainier."

"We're very lucky to have him here. Teachers of Blair's caliber don't usually end up at reservations schools. Or teaching at elementary and junior high levels, either. The whole tribe hopes he'll stay for a long time. Blair gives our kids a real chance."

Jim felt a trickle of unease run the length of his spine. "What do you mean by that?"

"The Watumsa kids are disadvantaged in many ways, Jim. Some of the houses on the rez don't even have running water or electricity. I'm sure you've noticed there's no TV reception out here without a satellite dish." Ah, that explained the lack of television in Sandburg's house. "The nearest town, the only town, Pinecrest isn't much better off than the rez. No museum, no real library. Too many of our kids hit high school without the basic skills they need to compete, or even the will to succeed."

She watched Blair take a minute to explain something to her girls. "A teacher like Blair not only gives them the math and language skills they need but he gives them inspiration. These kids look up to him. They hear about his adventures in South America and Africa and think 'Well, Mr. Sandburg is just a regular guy and he did all this amazing stuff. So can I.'"

Her daughters were eating Blair up with their big brown eyes and she realized she was doing the same thing. When she looked back at Jim, she reddened. They both knew she wanted more from Blair than a good education for her girls.

"He's even gotten the adult classes filled up. The elders go to his computer courses even though it will be a long time before most of the homes on the rez have computers. Blair's given them hope, though, and helped them get in touch with modern technology."

"He's been pretty busy here the last three months." Jim said.

"He has. He's been a sort of liaison between the town and tribe. He's doing a lecture series at the high school, too."

"I heard."

"He’s also starting a lecture series in February on the history and culture of the Watumsa for the townspeople. Many of them have lived here for their whole life and have no understanding of our people at all."

"Do you think many people will go?" Jim asked.

Merrie laughed. "The town invited him to do it. I think they're jealous that we have Blair instead of them. By asking Blair to talk about the tribe, they knew he would say yes. He plans to bring in tribe members to do most of the teaching. He'll be more like the MC than the main event but it will be Blair that brings them in." She watched as Blair jotted the end of an outline on one of the chalk boards. "Everyone wants a little of his time and attention."

"Including you," Jim blurted out, his old buddy jealousy pouring through him.

"Yep, including me." She gave Jim a rueful smile. "Don't worry, Jim, he's not interested in me. I've already tried."

"Oh," he didn't know what to say to that.

Merrie suppressed a sigh. Men could be so pig headed, blind, and clueless. "He hasn't done any dating since he moved here."

"No?" The thought of a dateless Sandburg cheered Jim.

"Not for lack of opportunity," she added. "He's probably been hit on by every woman between 16 and 50 from the rez and from town. He's been frustrating the heck out of the tribal matchmakers."

"Really?"

"Yep." The imp in Merry made her say, "I think they're hoping if he marries a Watumsa girl, he'll never leave." Kids were starting to file in. "Well, I've got to get to work."

Jim sat down and watched the school day begin. He shook his head in wonder. Blair took a moment with each kid, helping the smaller ones, laughing with the older ones. Was this the same guy who had gone into the bullpen with him every day? The pushy grad student who'd tricked him into visiting Rainier? This guy, the one helping some six year old blow her nose?

At eight o'clock, one of the students rang a large brass bell that set on the edge of Blair's desk and classes started.

Jim had never seen a one room school house in action. The amount of organization and energy it seemed to take astonished him. Blair went from group to group, giving mini lectures, assignments and answering questions. He was amazing.

Jim had brought a book with him. He opened it and tried to read. Whoosh, whoosh. Tinkle, tinkle. Every damn step Blair took pulled at Jim. Whoosh, whoosh. Tinkle, tinkle.

He could smell the light, woodsy aroma of Blair's shampoo, the pine forest scent underlying it.

He dialed down his hearing and smell.

The pale light of winter morning was starting to pour through the windows behind Blair. The shafts of sunlight that landed on his hair brought the red and gold highlights out. The blue sweater the kid had on was new. It looked soft, so soft, and molded to his body. That body that had been squirming against his last night, begging to be made love to.

How had he ever found the strength to close that door?

Whoosh, whoosh. Tinkle, tinkle. Even with his eyes closed, even dialing down sound and smell, he knew where Blair was. He could feel the warmth of Blair's body across the classroom; passed the children that filled the space between them, through the heat of the wood burning stove, above the movement of everything else in that room, he could feel Blair.

He opened his eyes.

The class was working in silence. Merrie was at her desk, reading. Blair stood ten feet in front of him, blue eyes shining. When he knew he had Jim's attention, he smiled.

And winked.

The little fucker was most definitely flirting with him.

Win the war. Win the war, he reminded himself.

Jim winked back.

The sudden flush to Blair's cheeks and the widening of his eyes pleased Jim.

Gotcha, Blair.

***

Merrie bit the inside of her cheek to quell the laughter for at least the twentieth time that morning. Those two.

Even after the long talk she and Blair had had on the hood of her car months ago, she'd harbored some hope that she and he might get together. After seeing him with his ex roommate today, though, she let that hope go.

She felt she was seeing the real Blair Sandburg for the first time.

He's always seemed ridiculously beautiful to her. Exotic. Sensual. Now, with Jim in the same room, Blair positively glowed. It was as if some inner light that had been dimmed was now burning full force. The tight energy she'd glimpsed underneath his calm facade was practically bubbling over.

He was Blair supercharged.

He was, she realized, Blair in love.

Jim was no better. It was as though he was tracking the teacher. She had a feeling the cop could find Blair in a crowded room, heck, a crowded stadium, with his eyes closed. As if Blair was the only person who truly existed for him.

With a pang Merrie recalled how it had been like that for her once.

She could have been happy with Blair, she knew that. She would have made Blair happy, too. But once upon a time, she could have had everything.

Just like Blair could with Jim.

They'd face some hardship if they got together because of their homosexual relationship, that was true. Still, she was sure they would be strong enough to face it together. Her own lover had told her over and over that his family would never accept her. He was white, she was Indian. She'd let that fear of disapproval help her run.

She sighed. Hopefully, Blair and Jim wouldn't be that foolish.

She coughed to cover her giggles

It must have been the longest school day on record. No way it lasted the usual seven hours. No way.

Blair's back ached from bending, stretching, and moving in ways designed to catch Jim's eye. It was working. He could practically see the steam rising off the other man.

Lunch time fit right into Blair's plans. When the weather was nice, they all ate outside on picnic tables under the eaves of the building. During the winter and rainy season, like today, he had the kids sit inside on the floor in a big circle. He sat next to Jim today, making sure his crossed legs frequently brushed against the older man's.

Blair watched as Jim arranged his brown sweater to cover his growing erection. Excellent. He was pushing the guy closer and closer to the edge.

When the students on the other side of Jim asked Blair a question, the teacher leaned across Jim, making sure his hand rested on Jim's thigh and his long hair brushed against his arm.

Jim stifled his groan, but not before Blair heard it.

Oh, man, I gotcha, Jim. I have so gotcha.

Merrie and the twins followed Jim and Blair to the diner for dinner at Jim's insistence. Blair knew the older man was using the three as a buffer, as chaperons. No problem. He could do public seduction.

Blair waited until Jim sat in the booth and then slid in next to him.

"I wanted to sit next to Mr. Sandburg," Megan complained. "It was my turn."

"Not tonight," Merrie said. "I'll sit between you two girls. Let Blair eat his dinner in peace for a change."

"Hey, this way I can look at both of you," Blair said. The girls brightened at that. Underneath the table, Blair pressed his thigh against Jim's. Jim couldn't move away without drawing attention to them.

Blair allowed himself a small grin. Like shooting fish in a barrel. He dropped his hand between them and casually ran his finger along the inseam of Jim's jeans.

Totally, fish in a barrel.

Jim couldn't remember what he ordered to eat. He knew he didn't taste it. His mouth was too full of the memory of red velvet cake and pine forest.

Blair was fucking torturing him. His penis was strangling in his boxers. Pay back time, little guppy. He grabbed Blair's wandering hand with his own, hid them discreetly under the red and white checkered table cloth, then pressed them both against his sizable erection. He heard the elevation in Blair's heart rate. He felt the moisture and heat of Blair's palm through his jeans.

Blair wondered briefly if he had been outmaneuvered. Nah. If Jim's cock size was any indicator, the older man was as excited as he was.

"Is it like that everywhere you go?" Jim asked as the two of them drove back to the reservation in his truck.

"Like what?" Blair said. He toyed with the idea of scooting closer to Jim on the bench seat. They were alone now, he had plenty of time. It felt so good, so normal, sitting together, talking together. He almost wished for the days when he didn't know how much of a burden he'd been to Jim.

Or had he been? Jim had contacted him, not the other way around. There'd been no mention of a reconciliation with Carolyn. And those kisses. God. After he took Jim to bed, after they'd screwed each other stupid, when Jim was mellow and loose, Blair would get him to talk.

"Like you're a celebrity."

"A celebrity? What the hell are you talking about, Jim?" He tapped down a flicker of irritation. No fighting, that wasn't part of his plan. Kissing, fucking, talking, that was the plan. No fighting.

"The way everybody in town stopped by the table to see you. Is it always like that?"

"Jim," Blair said in his don't be a child tone, "most of them stopped at the table because you were there, man. Not a whole lot of outsiders come into town, you know."

"Outsider? Is that what I am?"

"Jesus, Jim, what is wrong with you? Pinecrest is a small town. The people who live there don't see many people from outside of the community, okay? There is no insult intended. I'm sure everybody heard about you coming to visit and they wanted a chance to meet the big city cop." He threw his hands up in exasperation. "Since when have you been so fucking touchy?"

Jim pulled the truck to the shoulder of the road and then unfastened their seat belts. He jerked Blair against him. "I've always been touchy. You just ignored it." He wrapped a length of the kid's curls in his hand and yanked so Blair's lips were tilted up and open to him. Jim sucked Blair's tongue into his mouth, nibbling and scraping it with his teeth.

Okay, maybe he really was a caveman. He half expected Blair to punch him or at the very least push him away. He knew he was being a little too rough, a little too demanding but he couldn't stop. As he continued to devour Blair's tongue, Jim held the kid tight by his hair with one hand and reached to cup the kid's cock with the other.

Hard. Hard as a stone. Hard as he was.

Blair was moaning, straining against him.

Jim broke the clinch. In the faint light of the dashboard, he could see the dazed look in Blair's eyes. Mine. Soon, Blair would belong to Jim. He slid back behind the wheel.

"Let's get back to your place."

Blair merely nodded.

***

The fire in the stove had been banked when they went to dinner so the little house was chilly. Blair stoked up the fire.

He wanted Jim warm and relaxed. Or maybe hot and excited would be better. Neither combination would be possible if they were huddled up trying to stave off the cold.

When the fire was blazing and worst of the chill taken out of the air, Blair took off his coat and followed Jim into the kitchen. The older man was against the counter, finishing a beer.

He was so damn gorgeous. Blair slid his arms around Jim's firm waist, leaned up and took his mouth in a deep kiss. Hops and yeast, bitter and sweet, ran over his tongue.

Jim returned the kiss briefly then pulled back from Blair's embrace. "I'm really beat, Sandburg."

"Right," Blair said. "Let's go to bed."

"Okay." He kissed Blair's cheek. "Goodnight." He left a dumbfounded Sandburg standing alone in the kitchen. "See you in the morning." The guest bedroom door snicked closed.

What the fuck just happened? Again.

Blair was so sure he had Jim where he had wanted him. So sure he'd been pushed to the edge. So sure he was ready.

Was he going to spend another sleepless night, whacking off? Why was Jim playing with his head like this? Playing with his heart like this. It was easier when they were separated by 200 miles. This fucking rejection hurt a thousand times worse than just being ignored. Jesus, Jim made him so damn angry.

Before he had really decided what he was going to do, Blair found himself flinging open Jim's bedroom door. Jim stood next to the bed stripped down to his boxers, his erection clearly outlined.

"Don't you knock?" Jim held his open robe in front of him.

"I don't have to. It's my house." Blair advanced until he and Jim were standing toe to toe. "I know you're not much of talker, Ellison, but give it a shot, okay?"

"Okay."

"Why the hell are you doing this to me?"

"Doing what to you?"

"Don't play stupid, man. You kiss me, you grope me, you get me rock hard." He indicated the front of his pants where his cock was pressing against the fly. "Then, you pat me on the head and send me off to bed alone. Why?"

"Seems to me there was some kissing and groping happening on both sides."

"There sure was, buddy, but I'm not the one being a chicken shit. I'm not the one who keeps backing away."

"No, but you are the one who started it. Did you ever think that I'm a bit more discriminating than you, Sandburg? Maybe I don't have to stick my dick in anything that might give it a hard on."

Blair felt his stomach drop. Anything that might give it a hard on. Jim Ellison didn't want Blair Sandburg as a lover. Jim's dick just want somewhere to come and Blair fit the bill. He was such an idiot.

"I'm sorry, man." He could feel the heat of embarrassment in his cheeks. "I was way out of line. Good night." He had to get out of here. He was very much afraid he was going to start bawling.

"Blair, wait." Jim wanted to pull the hateful words back as soon as he said them. Jesus, why did he do that? It wasn't the first time he'd said something cruel that he really didn't mean to Blair. How many times had he told Blair that he needed someone he could trust or for Blair to give him space or for Blair to get out of his face? Fear based response. Even now, when the most important thing in his life was getting closer to Blair, he let his temper and his fear push Blair away. Not this time damn it. Not this time

"Wait, Blair."

"I don't think so," Blair said, moving down the short hallway. "I don't ever want to talk about this." Behind his bedroom door, he said to himself "I don't even want to think about this again. I just want the earth to open up and swallow me whole."

He brushed his teeth and undressed to his boxers and tee shirt. He climbed into bed under two comforters. He was going to freeze his ass off tonight. What little heat the stove made would never seep into this room with the door closed, and there was no way he was sleeping with the door open.

"Please be gone when I wake up, Jim," he whispered into his pillow. "I can't do this any more. I can't face you. Ever." In his heart, he knew it was, at last, over. Really over. Leaving Cascade, he'd still hoped that someday, somehow, they could meet again as equals. Tonight proved to him it would never happen.

He'd left himself with not a shred of dignity. He'd come to Pinecrest to start over. He'd even fooled a bunch of people into thinking he was competent a grownup, a teacher. Being Naomi Sandburg's son hadn't exactly sent him out into the world with a huge well of self confidence. He'd used his intelligence and enthusiasm and bravado to cover it. And for a little while, here in Pinecrest, he'd even started to believe in the Sandburg that everyone else in this town saw when they looked at him. It had only taken two days with Jim to remind him that he really was a fraud. Jesus, he was a mess. A stupid, immature, embarrassing mess.

To his horror, he realized that he was crying. God, was there no end to the ways he could find to humiliate himself?

"Blair?" Jim's voice came from the now open doorway.

Apparently not. Apparently, Blair was just beginning to explore his capacity for humiliation. "Don't you knock?" His voice sounded surprisingly tear free. Thank heaven for small favors.

"No more than you do."

Blair carefully wiped his eyes, remembering Jim could see him even here in the dark. He sat up, back against the headboard. He was tired, empty. "I'm guessing I'm not going to get to sleep until you have your say." He folded his arms across his chest. "So, Jim, let's get this over with."

Jim sat on the edge of the bed next to Blair. He needed to get this right. It was his last chance.

"Blair, I didn't mean that like it came out."

"Jim, really, it's okay. I came on like gangbusters and that wasn't fair to either of us." Time for another round of Truth and Humiliation. "I left Cascade partially because I was afraid I'd do something like this. You know, throw myself at you. I've embarrassed both of us. Let it go, okay? Let's pretend it never happened."

"I can't."

"That's cool. I understand." Just get the fuck out of here.

"No, I don't think you do because I'm not making it clear." Jim took Blair's face between his hands and gently kissed him.

Ah, here it comes at last. Truly, the final humiliation. The pity fuck. For a moment, as he leaned into the toothpaste freshness of Jim's mouth, he considered letting it happen. Decided he'd at least take the comfort of the memory of the few hours of pleasure. As he broke off the kiss with Jim, Blair smiled. God, please, even he wasn't this pathetic. He'd left the loft and Cascade and Rainier and lived. He could live through this.

"Jim, please, let it go. Just let it go." Blair stroked the hard planes of Jim's face. "I appreciate the gesture, the sacrifice, but it's just not necessary."

"Sacrifice?" Jim caught Blair's chin in his hand. "Do you think it's some kind of a sacrifice to touch you? I've wanted to touch you for years. Shit, I have been touching you for years." He kissed Blair, hard.

Blair pushed away. "Look, Jim, I'm not so desperate I need a mercy fuck, okay? If I just wanted to get laid, it's easy enough."

"You think I don't know that? In the last three years I've watched you chase half the city of Cascade."

"What difference did it make to you? Should I have been waiting at home alone while you were out screwing whoever you could find to hurt you the most?" His voice dropped. "Or hurt me the most."

"It always comes back to Alex, doesn't it? I fucked up royally, okay? I let whatever primitive Sentinel crap that's inside me take over. I'm sorry. Sorrier than you'll ever know. Give me my goddamn penance so we can move on."

Blair laughed. "Penance? I think we both paid enough for Alex. This has nothing to do with Alex."

"The dissertation then. I was wrong. Again. I should have trusted you, Chief. I should have known you'd never betray me."

"Oh, Jim, you really should have trusted me. You should have understood me well enough to believe in me but, you know what? I've come to the conclusion these last couple of months that I was wrong, too. As soon as I found out Naomi had forwarded the manuscript to Sid, I should have told you. I was trying to protect you but I was also trying to protect myself. I was afraid if you knew what had happened you'd decide it was too much of a risk to have me around any more. I didn't think I could stand it if you threw me out of your life again."

Jim was suddenly furious. "But you walked out on me. Why did you leave? You didn't even give me a chance to understand. I came home from work..." His anger turned to grief as he recalled that night. He cleared his throat and continued. "I came home ready to celebrate you starting the academy. I picked up beer and Thai for us. I had so much to tell you."

"Tell me now," Blair urged.

"When I opened the loft up and realized you were gone, I never felt so alone. How could you do that to me, Blair?"

Blair hung his head, unable to speak. His heart broke anew as he pictured Jim, smiling and excited as he entered their home, then torn and devastated when he discovered Blair's desertion.

"How, Sandburg?" Jim asked again. "Didn't you think I deserved better than that after three years? Do I mean so little to you?"

"No, Jim," he said, still looking down at the comforter. "No, you mean that much to me."

"Make me understand, okay? I need to understand," he pleaded.

Blair dashed a hand under his left eye where yet another humiliating tear leaked out. "I was in your way. I was holding you back. You needed a chance to, I don't know, man, have a life of your own. A place of your own."

"I had a life and a place of my own." Jim was puzzled. He knew Blair was telling him something important but he just wasn't getting it.

"Yeah, you did. Then I burst in and took over half."

"Blair, I asked you into my life and the loft."

"Because you had to. You needed me to help you deal with your senses and I totally took advantage of that. I moved into your house. I moved into your job."

"I did need you, sure. I still do but more important, I want you there."

"You don't need me anymore, Jim. You're doing fine without me. And we don't have to do this," he indicated the bed with a sweep of his hand, "because you think you need me."

"I'm doing fine? Christ almighty, Sandburg, is that what you think? I'm so damn lonely without you."

"You just got used to having me hanging around. That will pass."

"Do you listen, Sandburg? Even if I didn't need you in my life, I still want you in my life."

Blair sighed. The man was stubborn. "Jim, I'll be there for you. It was crazy to walk away like that. Anytime you want to talk, call me. Maybe we can see each other sometimes on a weekend or when I get a school break. I'll always be your friend."

"You're listening, I guess, but you're not hearing. I want more than your friendship."

"What? What do you want from me?"

"I want everything." He placed his hand over Blair's heart. "I don't want to be a one night stand or a fuck buddy. I don't want to just be a Sentinel to your Guide or just roommates or just friends. I love you, Blair. I'm in love with you."

For a shining, sweet second, Blair almost believed him. Then reality came crashing around him. "Okay, let me get this straight. You're in love with me?"

"Yes. I'm in love with you."

"So, for how long?"

"A long time."

"Before or after you accused me of betraying you with the dissertation?"

"Before," Jim admitted.

"Oh." Blair's ire started to rise. "Were you in love with me before you kicked me out of the loft?"

Jim mumbled a reply.

"What did you say, Jim? I didn't catch that. Were you in love with me when you threw me out? Were you in love with me when Alex murdered me?" Jim shrank away from him. Blair had hit a nerve, hurt him. Good. It was bad enough to be offered a mercy fuck but have the son of a bitch lie to get him to accept it was unconscionable.

"When you packed up my stuff and told me to get out, were you supposedly in love with me?"

"I was."

Blair blew out a shaky breath. "Jim, you're not in love with me."

"Don't tell me how I feel, Sandburg. I was stupid. I tried to deny I loved you and ended up almost losing you. I live with that every day of my life."

Blair had to admire Jim's tenacity. The man was obviously trying to convince himself along with Blair.

"If you're in love with me, why have you been pushing me away the last two days?"

"I needed to be more than another notch on your bedpost. I needed it to mean something to you." Jim stood to leave. "Whether you chose to believe me or not, Blair, I'm in love with you and I always will be."

Blair grabbed Jim's wrist. "Wait. Give me a minute." He noticed an elastic, cloth covered band around the older man's wrist. He eased it over Jim's hand and studied it in the dim light spilling in from the hallway.

A hair tie.

One of his hair ties.

"Where did you get this?"

"On the floor of the loft the night you left."

"You kept it? You wear it?"

"You didn't leave anything else behind."

My god. It was true.

"That's where you're wrong, Jim." He tugged on Jim's arm and the older man sat back down on the bed. "I left the most important thing of all behind. You."

"Why, Blair? Tell me why you left. The real reason this time."

"Because I loved you. Because I'm in love with you."

"No more waiting," Jim said as he eased Blair's tee shirt off.

"No," Blair agreed, "no more waiting."

*

Blair couldn't believe it, couldn't quite wrap his overheated brain around the idea. The smooth, muscular flesh beneath his fingertips was Jim. Not a dream, not another jerk off fantasy, but Jim. The real thing.

"Lay back," Blair said. "Let me touch you."

Jim sprawled supine on the bed. Blair could just make out his lover's body in the faint light. Some morning soon, when the sun flooded his bedroom, he would have the chance to look his fill at that body, to study and memorize it with his eyes.

Tonight, here in the darkness, here with his dream within his grasp, Blair would explore and learn that body with his hands, his lips, his tongue.

Blair skimmed off his boxers then slung his leg over Jim to straddle the older man's lean hips. He drew in a sharp breath when the heat of his erection made contact with the cool brushed cotton of Jim's boxers. He moved forward, bracing himself by placing his elbows on either side of Jim's head.

"Oh, man, I've wanted this forever." He peppered Jim's eyelids, nose and cheeks with kisses. He settled his mouth over Jim's, coaxing it open, slipping in his tongue.

Toothpaste, slick tongue, slight suction. Heaven.

Blair closed the few inches between them, resting himself against Jim, so that they were chest to chest. The hard satin of Jim's torso was unfamiliar perfection. A man's taunt body rather the subtle give of a woman's.

This, Blair realized, was what he'd been futilely searching for while sleeping with so many different girls. This, an equal. Strength against strength, power beside power, man next to man.

He broke off the kiss to whisper "I love you, Jim," then began his descent. He licked along the sides of Jim's neck, feeling the slight stubble scratching his tongue. So alien. No feminine softness, no cloying perfume, just Jim with natural male musk.

He couldn't resist. He sunk his sharp white teeth into the curve of the older man's throat, not quite breaking the skin. Jim moaned and grasped Blair's hips, grinding their erections together. Blair released the succulent bit of flesh and soothed it with his tongue.

"You like it a little rough, don't you, Ellison?" he said, his voice full of teasing and wonder.

When he didn't answer, Blair bit Jim's jaw line. "Do you like it, Jim?"

"Yes, damn it," he growled, "I like it."

"Good." He slid his mouth further down Jim's body, teasing the puckered nipples with wet heat and the scrap of his top teeth. He could feel the rumbling of half silent moans echoing in the broad chest beneath him. He bit at the well defined pectoral muscles.

"Yes," Jim hissed. "Harder, Blair."

Blair put a little more pressure behind the bites. Jim whispered Blair's name again while trying to press his cock tighter against the smaller man.

Blair slid further down Jim, leaving a trail of nipping, moist kisses down the firm abdomen. When his mouth hit Jim's boxers, Blair sat up, his ass cradled against the other man's engorged penis.

He'd made love to women taller than himself many times. He'd never been intimated by a lover's larger size, instead, he'd held back during sex. He knew he was stronger, knew he could hurt them if he wasn't careful, if he didn't keep his inner wildness in check.

Surveying the big body spread out like a banquet before him, Blair smiled. There was no danger of that here. Together, he and Jim would be able to release the beasts within them and find only acceptance and satisfaction.

He moved off Jim, hooked his hands in the waistband of the boxers and pulled. Jim lifted his hips to help and the shorts were tossed on the floor.

Oh god.

Not a Nordic god but something more ancient. No wonder Jim was blessed with heightened senses, with precivilized talents. He was primitive perfection. Man as the creator had intended. Chiseled, graceful lines. Silk stretched over hard muscle.

Blair's own pagan god.

He knelt between Jim's spread thighs. He took the other man's hard cock into his hands and stroked up. Jim shuddered beneath him. Anxiety seized him for a moment. Jim had a history of man-eating Amazons for lovers. Would he find Blair's clumsy attempts inadequate?

Then Jim called out "God, Blair," and his anxiety fled.

Blair put the glistening head between his lips and touched his tongue to the tip. He'd tasted his own semen on the mouths of several lovers. Now he realized its flavor had been greatly diluted with the underlying taste of woman. This, this was pure male. Salty. Tangy. Delicious.

He inched the cock forward, willing his throat to relax, wanting to please his lover, wanting more of the dizzying sensation of Jim pressing into him.

He felt Jim's fingers spear into his long curls and start to guide his movements. Slowing him down, deepening his strokes.

"Need you, need you," Jim said over and over as he raised his hips to thrust into Blair, fucking that beautiful face, that delicious blow job mouth.

Too quickly he felt his orgasm build, too quickly as the kid bobbed enthusiastically, digging his fingers into Jim's hard thighs. Too quickly as Blair instinctively increased the suction. Jim wanted this to last forever. He didn't want to wait a second more.

With a harsh cry, he spurted into Blair's mouth, filling and flooding. He felt the contractions in the kid's throat as he greedily swallowed.

Sandburg was a perfect slut.

"Come up here, Blair," Jim said when he could speak. Blair reluctantly let the other man's semi erect cock fall from his mouth and scooted up in the bed and into Jim's open arms. "You're incredible, Blair."

Jim kissed him deeply, savoring the taste of his own come tinged with pine forest. Jim reached down and placed his hand around Blair's penis. It took only a few practice strokes to bring Blair's straining cock to completion.

"I love you," Blair panted against Jim's throat. "I love you."

Jim hugged Blair tight. He'd show Blair how much he loved him. Starting now. Lasting forever.

A few moments later, they slept.

***

Somewhere near dawn, Jim awoke to Blair's lips on his stiffening cock.

As Blair felt the change from slumber to alertness in his lover's body, he looked up, never breaking his rhythm. He knew the Sentinel could see him, even in this soft gray light. Blair gave a feline grin around the cock that filled his mouth.

"You're going to be insatiable, aren't you, Sandburg?" Jim teased. He pulled Blair up to snuggle against his side so the Jim could kiss that pink, wet mouth. "I love you, Blair."

Blair returned the kiss, rubbing his erection against the older man's thigh.

"I want you," Jim said, his teasing mood giving way to desire. It was almost too much: the press of Blair's body against his, the crisp silk of chest hair, the smooth skin at the curve of his hip, the shallow indentation of his navel, almost too much for Jim's senses.

He rolled with Blair in his arms so that the smaller man laid face down on top of him. Blair took Jim's face in both hands and kissed his mouth. Sucking, biting, licking his lips.

Jim had watched Blair with women over the years. He'd seen that splintered, scattered energy gathered and focused like a laser beam at some poor, unsuspecting girl. They never stood a chance. Now, he was the recipient of that focused energy. It was heady, intoxicating, more than he'd hoped for.

He ran his hands up and down Blair's back, tracing light patterns, inching lower with each sweep of his fingertips. At last he reached the cleft of Blair's ass then skipped further and began to gently probe the younger man’s opening. Blair lifted his mouth from Jim's and froze.

Shit, he'd gone too fast. He hadn't meant to but after last night's excellent blow job and Sandburg obvious morning horniness, Jim had hoped. He wanted to be inside Blair, want to be one with him. There would be time, he consoled himself. Years. Maybe forever. And, if it never happened, well, they'd certainly pleased each other earlier without fucking.

"Jim?" Blair said, his quiet voice breathy, excited.

"Yeah?"

"Don't stop, okay?"

"Blair, we don't have to do this."

Blair kissed Jim's chest. "Oh, I think we do."

"You sure?" Jim prayed he'd say yes.

"Yes." Blair moved off Jim to reach into his night stand. He slipped a tube of lubricant into the older man's hand. Who the hell had Sandburg bought this for? Jealousy swirled in his gut.

Blair brushed a kiss on Jim's brow, seemingly reading the other man's mind. "I keep lots of stuff, Jim. This isn't even open yet, okay?"

He was right. The seal hadn't even been broken. Jim felt foolish. Even if Blair had fucked two dozen men, women and farm animals, what did it matter? Right here, right now, Blair was his. The quicksilver smile, the agile brain, the almost too lovely face was, for now, his. It was up to him to make Blair want to stay his.

Jim carefully prepared Blair's body to accept him. Jim kissed Blair's mouth deeply, over and over, leaving the younger man breathless and slightly disoriented as he used his well oiled fingers to loosen and smooth Blair's tight passage.

It didn't take long. Despite his inexperience, Blair was eager, hungry. He plastered himself on Jim, spreading his legs to allow easy access.

Jim could feel the trembling of Blair's arousal, hear his blood pounding, smell his urgency. The younger man's cock was leaking precome. Jim ran the fingertips of his free hand over the head and brought the fluid to their joined mouths. He broke their kiss long enough to lap Blair's essence from his fingers.

Blair pushed Jim's hand away and suckled the man's tongue, desperately trying to taste himself in Jim's mouth. Moaning, Blair pressed against the hand probing him. Jim's three digits sunk knuckle deep into the smooth, hot channel.

"Please," Blair gasped. "Fuck me, Jim."

"You're ready?" God knew he was. He'd be lucky to last through penetration. Probably not a bad thing this being Blair's first time, but, oh, Jesus, how he wanted to make it last forever.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm ready. So damn ready," Blair panted, rocking himself back and forth on Jim's hand and fingers.

Jim cautiously withdrew the fingers and helped settle Blair on his stomach with his hips elevated on a pillow and his head resting on crossed arms.

"Relax," Jim commanded.

"Hurry," Blair answered.

Jim placed the tip of his cock at the entranced of Blair's readied hole. "Tell me if I hurt you, okay?"

"Yeah, okay, just do it."

Slow, even pressure, Jim reminded himself. Slow, even pressure. Christ almighty, the tight muscle ring gave an almost imperceptible pop as the spongy firm head of his dick pressed into Blair.

Slow, even pressure.

Only the head in and he wanted to shoot. He pulled air deep into his lungs and willed his cock to calm down.

So damn hard to calm down. This wasn't some faceless fuck he'd picked up in a bar or an old army buddy fumbling for release. This was Blair. Oh god, this was Blair. The smooth ass he was sinking into, the sweet flesh surrounding his tortured dick, the compact wonder groaning beneath him was Blair.

He advanced again, not yet drawing back. Slow, even pressure. The bizarre combination of oil slicked channel and still too tight, still too virginal for a proper fucking ass enthralled Jim.

"Is it too much?"

"Yeah," Blair moaned, tilting his ass up more. "Don't stop, okay? So good. Didn't know, didn't know."

Blair. His virgin slut.

Slow, even pressure. Cold sweat broke out at the small of Jim's back and his legs were shaking. The pleasure/pain of this exquisitely slow breeching was killing Jim and was making him feel alive.

At last he was flush against Blair, his cock completely sheathed in Blair's body. He rested for a moment, savoring this unequaled sensation.

Blair shifted under him.

"Too much?"

"No. Too, I don't know. Move. I have to move." Blair began to press back against Jim. "I have to move."

Jim stilled Blair's hips with two hands. "Let me move, Chief." Slowly, with shallow thrusts Jim began to fuck Blair.

"God, Jim, god." The younger man's ass gripped Jim's cock tight, feeling as if it would turn inside out to keep him trapped inside. Perfect. Tight, hot, stretching, molding.

His thrusts, still smooth and even, became deeper and stronger. Blair encouraged him, moving against him, giving him resistance, calling out to him. Perfect.

"Please, Jim, I've got to come," Blair panted. Jim reached under Blair and cupped his erection. It wouldn't be long for either of them. He stroked the cock firmly while his own cock began to plunge deeper, harder, more rhythmically into Blair.

Blair cried out to him. "Jim, so good. So damn good."

He knew he couldn't hold out a minute more. His plunging turned to pounding and Blair met him with each thrust. "Yes, yes, Jim. Fuck me."

Jim's hand was covered in the slick moisture oozing from Blair's cock. He could feel it tensing, getting ready for release. He knew his own release would be only seconds behind Blair's.

He leaned down to whisper into Blair's ear. "You're so fucking hot, Blair. It feels incredible to be doing this to you. To be buried so fucking deep in your sweet little ass. Do you feel how much my cock likes your ass, Blair? God, I'm going to fuck you every chance I get. And you're going to let me, aren't you, Blair? Because you love it. You love my big cock inside you don't you?"

Blair could only moan as his come spilled over Jim's hand. Jim shoved hard once more, twice more, then filled Sandburg with his seed.

They stayed that way, Jim within Blair, for several minutes. Then Jim rolled to his side, taking Blair with him. His flaccid cock slipped out of the younger man.

"Wow." Blair said. "I didn't know. That was amazing."

"You're amazing."

"I'm also going to be late for school." He reluctantly shifted from Jim's embrace and sat on the edge of the bed. "Ouch."

"Sore?" Jim said.

"A little." He turned and kissed his lover's lips briefly. "Nothing I can't handle."

"Good." Jim kissed him back. "I love you, Blair."

"Love you, too." Blair pulled one of the comforters off the bed and wrapped it around himself. "It's so damn cold in here. I've got to get the stove going." He turned around at the door. "Jim, I'm glad you're here."

As he disappeared around the door, Jim realized they still hadn't really talked, still hadn't really worked things out. Well, they had time. They loved each other.

He closed his eyes and drifted off to the sound of Blair in the shower.

***

Blair looked around the crowded classroom Friday night. It was a combination end of the first school semester and Christmas party. He and Merrie had planned it a couple of months ago as a reward for the kids and an excuse for the tribe to get together. At the time it was a great idea. Now, he wished they'd all go home so that he could.

Since Tuesday night, Blair had been stumbling around in a sensual daze. He and Jim had made love countless times. They'd talked about fishing or camping or even driving into Pinecrest for dinner but the cold weather made the snug little clapboard house with its wood burning stove and soft bed too inviting to leave.

They had spent their days and nights naked, never too far apart to touch. Blair had never known such all consuming lust before. Jim teased him about being insatiable but Ellison was no better. The older man seemed to sport a perpetual hard on and Blair was grateful for it.

Blair tried to pay attention to the woman in front of him but it was nearly impossible to give his attention to anyone but Jim. He could feel those arctic blue eyes watching him from across the room. God, how much longer would this party go on? He wasn't sure he could last fifteen minutes more without touching Jim.

He must have nodded at the right times because the woman smiled and moved on. Blair sipped from the paper cup he held. Yuck. Red punch. The overly sweet liquid was probably sickening to Jim. The thought of tasting the sticky kids' drink in Jim's mouth made Blair's dick start to swell. The idea that Jim could sense his dick swelling made Blair's dick swell all the more. He discreetly fanned out the bottom of his sweater to cover his erection. He vaguely wondered what he'd do in the summertime when his wardrobe consisted of light tee shirts.

"Blair." Merrie touched his arm.

"Hey."

"Were you way out there or what?"

"Was I?"

Merrie lowered her voice. "Yes. I swear, you're like a love sick puppy."

"Gee, thanks, Merrie."

She laughed at him. "You got it bad, honey."

"The worst ever in my life." He ran his hand over his face. "I've never been like this before."

"And you never will be again," she said, thinking of the girls' father. "He's the one for you."

"I guess he is." Blair shook his head. "Who'd have thought, huh?"

"Well, Blair, if it's any consolation, he appears to be just as bad off."

"I know." The aches and soreness and bruises and love bites on his body were a testament to that.

"So what are you going to do?"

"About what?"

"About Jim. Is he still going back to Cascade Sunday?"

"Sure. I guess so. We really haven't talked about it."

"You men," she said. "So, what are you going to do? Are you going back to Cascade?"

"Uh, he hasn't asked me."

"And if he does?"

"Yeah, I'd go with him." How could he not? Less then two hours ago a naked, sweaty Jim had been slamming into him and he was hurting for it again.

"What about the school, Blair?"

"I won't leave until the elders find a replacement."

"What about the programs you started? What about the night classes and the lecture series in town?" She felt a little panicky. "What about my grant applications and classes?"

"I won't leave everyone high and dry, Merrie. I promise. Anyway, it's not like I'm irreplaceable."

"Maybe you're not irreplaceable in Cascade, but you are here."

"That's nice of you to say, Merrie."

"I'm not saying it to be nice, Blair. I'm saying it because it's true. Look, I know you two are crazy about each other, I just don't want to see you make a big mistake."

"How is choosing to be with the person I love a mistake?"

"Blair we're friends right? So you know I want you to be happy. You told me you weren't happy in Cascade. You said you felt like you were never taken seriously and that you lived in Jim's shadow."

"Yeah, I said that and I meant it, but it will be different this time. I need to be with him, Merrie. I'm willing to make sacrifices to be with him."

"Just make sure that you're not doing all the sacrificing."

"I won't be."

"Really? What are you planning to do in Cascade? Are you going to look for a teaching job or are you going to the police academy?"

Blair looked at Jim across the room deep in conversation with Tommy Bear, the tribal medicine man. "I don't know. Probably go to the academy."

"So, you're giving up your career for him. I know you love him, Blair, but I have to wonder. You're letting go of so many things that you enjoy: the rez, the school, the town, your job, your house. What's he giving up?"

"I don't look at it that way, Merrie. Even if I did, it doesn't matter. If he asks me, I'll go."

"Don't be angry with me, Blair. I just want you to be happy."

Blair squeezed her shoulder. "I know that." He caught Jim's eye. "I think I'm going to find out what Tommy Bear is talking to Jim about."

As Blair slowly made his way across the packed room, he thought about what Merrie had said. Was he about to make a big mistake?

He'd long ago given up Borneo for Jim, only to be tossed out later when Alex came along. He went back to Jim only to be devastated when Naomi nearly exposed Jim to the world. Granted, he hadn't exactly been blameless, he'd made his share of bad decisions when it came to their relationship.

Until a few months ago, though, no matter how fucked up things were between them, he'd stayed. He'd exposed himself to Jim's anger and insults and lack of faith for the chance that things could be worked out.

Now, after all that had happened, after all he had built for himself, he was willing to run back to Cascade to do whatever Jim wanted, be whatever Jim wanted.

So what had really changed? What miraculous series of events had occurred to make him ready to upend his whole life again? Jim had said I love you and was fucking him crazy. He was probably riding for a fall but he just couldn't help himself.

Jim smiled at Blair and made a space for him to stand side by side.

No, no matter what it took, if Jim asked him, Blair would follow him.

"Blair," the medicine man held out his hand to the teacher.

"Tommy, how's it going? I see you're met my friend Jim Ellison."

"I have." The elderly man gave them a conspirator's grin. "Although I know there is much more then friendship between you two."

Blair's face filled with heat. Fuck, was gay lovers in lights over their heads?

Jim, god bless him, put on his totally blank face and said "Excuse me?"

"I feel great power within you," he said to Jim. "And you," he said to Blair, "also have power but of a different source. I could help you, Blair."

"Help me?" Blair repeated.

"Come to me some day soon and we'll speak together of the ways of Shamans."

"Wow. Thanks, Tommy." The old man disappeared into the crowd. "Jesus, Jim, was that weird or what?"

Jim nodded. "Pretty damn weird. Chief, how much longer do we have to stay at this party?"

"Till it's done. Sorry."

"No chance of slipping out early?"

"Nope."

"Well, let's go get some more of that red stuff. I'm thirsty."

When Jim finally made love to him that night, Blair's resolve was set. He had to be with this man, no matter what.

If he'd only ask.

Jim stared at the ceiling for hours after Blair had gone to sleep. No matter how much he wanted to, he wasn't going to ask Blair to come back to Cascade.

Who the hell did he think he was anyway? Coming here and trying to take control of Blair's life was a stupid idea from the start.

He shouldn't have listened in on Blair's conversation with Merrie but jealousy had gotten the best of him. He knew Blair was crazy about him. God, he'd fucked the kid till his dick hurt and still Blair opened himself up to Jim for more. He knew Blair wasn't flirting with Merrie. He knew it and he'd listened to their private conversation anyway.

Shit, he wished he hadn't.

Merrie was right. He was selfish. He expected Blair to drop everything and go back to the life Jim had made.

Blair had made a place for himself in the extended family of the tribe. Even the town people found a space in their community and labeled it Sandburg. They respected him. They thought he was irreplaceable.

Yet, Blair loved him enough to give it up. Like always.

Merrie worried Blair would be making all the sacrifices. Was she right? When it came down to it, what had he ever sacrificed for Sandburg? Some space under his stairs, the corner of his desk, a little cash, a lot of privacy.

What had he gotten in return? A Guide, laughter, support, friendship, sanity and love. Somehow, when he added it up like that, he was left feeling foolish and vaguely ashamed.

Blair snuffled in his sleep and moved closer to Jim. The older man gathered him tight and Sandburg settled in his arms. "Jim?"

"Shh. Go back to sleep," he whispered.

"'Kay," Blair mumbled.

Jim studied Blair as he slept. Long, cork screw curls fanned across Jim's chest. Moist puffs of pine fresh breath warmed the side of his neck. A hand that had touched his body in love and lust was open and laying palm down on Jim's abdomen. All that beauty, all that crafty intelligence, all that fiery passion, all that barely bound energy was sprawled trustingly against him.

Trust.

Even deep in sleep, Blair trusted him. God, how had he not seen that unconditional trust? Blair trusted him. He always had. As a ride along with Jim, Blair had known Jim would protect him or, at the very least, come to his rescue. No matter how much anger or pain lay between them, Blair trusted him to eventually come around and admit he'd been an asshole. When Blair fucked up, he trusted Jim to forgive him. Blair trusted Jim to do the right thing, no matter how many times Jim faltered.

Blair trusted Jim with his heart. He was willing to pare away everything and everyone that kept them apart now that he knew that Jim wanted him too.

Jim had overheard Blair confide to Merrie that he was willing to go to Cascade and that this time things would be different. Would they? Jim figured things would be even worse this time. Only a few months had gone by since Blair publicly decried himself as a liar and a cheat. People in the PD and the academic community would remember. The scandal had died down but as soon as Sandburg showed his pretty face, talk would start again. Every single thing Blair did would be scrutinized, every move he made dissected.

Blair had to know that. Shit, of course he did. Sandburg was not only smart as hell but human nature was his specialty. And still he was willing to walk away from everything good in his life to be with Jim.

Because he loved Jim. Because he trusted him.

Maybe it was time to earn a little of that trust, to show Sandburg that he had been right all along about his Sentinel.

He wanted to be with Blair. Hell, he needed to be with Blair. The months they were apart had been hell on earth. Now that they were lovers, Jim refused to live without him. He couldn't ask Sandburg to come back. Every instinct he had screamed out the wrongness of that.

Sacrifice.

Blair would sacrifice everything to be with him. Could Jim do any less?

He finally drifted off listening to the pounding of Sandburg's heart. Where Blair was, there was home. The loft, the jungle, the monastery.

Maybe even Pinecrest.

At noon on Sunday, they crunched through the snow to the truck, Jim with his duffle bag in hand, Blair with his hands deep in his coat pocket. "Blair?"

"Yeah?" He looked at Jim, hope in his blue eyes.

Jim threw the duffle bag in the cab of the truck and pulled Blair into his arms. "Do you trust me?"

"Oh, man, of course I do," he said with certainty and sadness in his voice.

"I love you, Blair."

"I love you, too."

"I want us to be together. Do you believe that?"

"If you say so, then, yeah, I believe it."

"I don't want you to give up your life here."

"I'm willing to," Sandburg protested.

"I know, but it wouldn't be right. You place is here."

"Jim, my place is where I choose to be and I choose to be with you."

"And I choose to be with you, Chief, but not in Cascade." He saw a flash of pain in Blair's eyes. "Trust me, okay? Let me do a little of the sacrificing."

Blair wasn't sure what Jim meant but the older man seemed so sure that he answered "Okay."

"I'm sorry that I can't guarantee to be back here in time to spend Christmas with you."

"If you remember, I don't really celebrate Christmas, Jim," he said with a slight smile. "You know, being Jewish and all."

Jim laughed, the tension between them broken. "I guess what I really meant is that I don't want to be away from you that long."

"I don't want that either."

"I'll try to be back by New Year's."

"Okay," Blair squeezed Jim tight. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too, Chief, but I'll be back. I promise." He kissed Blair hard then released him. He climbed into the driver's seat and closed the door. "Do me a favor," he said through the open window.

"Anything."

"Make some room in the closets. I hate living out of boxes."

Blair stood in his yard for a long time after the truck drove out of view. Make room in the closet? So, how long a visit was he planning on making? Blair wasn't sure what Jim had in mind but it didn't matter. He trusted Jim.

Jim moved into the little clapboard house on New Year's Eve.

Jeff Pickens swore him in as Pinecrest's new sheriff on January fourth.

Here, with Blair, he, too, had found his place.

Epilog

His cellmate in the federal penitentiary had called him obsessed. Maybe. But then, his cellmate had never seen Sandburg, never touched him, never heard his voice.

Obsessed? Francisco Rivera preferred to think of himself as focused.

Two years ago he had been at the top of his game. He was an up and coming man in a Chilean cartel. Ah, then he'd had a bright idea. He would trick his stupid cow step cousin, Maya, into helping him steal her father's fortune.

Maya. Dios, what a piece of work that one was. She'd come running home to Chile beating her breast and whining about how dirty she felt, how guilty she felt because she'd discovered her father had made his money running illegal weapons.

A few kisses, a few compliments, a little pretending to listen to her weeping and moaning, and she'd fallen into his bed and his plans. Poor little rich girl. Cow.

When he'd first starting seeing Maya, every other word from her mouth was about Blair Sandburg. Blair said this. Blair said that. Blair is so smart. Blair is so good looking. Blair is so brave. Francisco had decided he would put a bullet in Saint Blair's head, while Maya watched, the first opportunity he had.

Until that rainy afternoon in Cascade. He'd said to the three men before him "Which one is Sandburg?" and a beautiful, blue eyed boy had raised his hand.

"You don't look like much," Francisco had lied. Inside, he was trembling with excitement. Maya was right. This Blair was perfect and he had to have him. Maya would get the bullet instead.

Later that day Francisco took the opportunity to kidnap Blair. It had taken all of his will power not to screw Sandburg while he'd been tied up and helpless in the yacht's engine room. Francisco regretted not fucking Blair every minute since.

It had all fallen apart two years ago. Maya was deported. His father, Gustavo, disappeared. Francisco was convicted and given a life sentence.

The cartel had engineered his escape a week ago. He should be in Chile right now. He should have headed out of this damned country as soon as he had been freed.

He would flee but not alone. He fingered the two forged passports in his coat pocket. One for him, one for Blair.

From his position hidden among the trees, he watched Blair through binoculars. He studied the other man's daily routine. He looked on as Blair went between the little school he taught at and the small house he shared with Ellison.

It pained Francisco to see Blair with Ellison. They were lovers and he hated that. He was sure two years ago that Sandburg had been untouched by a man. He had looked forward to teaching Blair to love being fucked.

Francisco tried to be pragmatic. At least he wouldn't have to break Blair into being ridden as he had Maya. No, his beautiful boy already loved cock if the amount he'd taken from Ellison these past three days was any indication.

Francisco shifted on his perch, his erection straining against his jeans. Soon, he promised himself. Soon, he would have Blair.

And if he had to kill Ellison to take Blair, all the better.

Fin