Title: Crisis

Fandom: The Sentinel

Pairing: Jim/Blair

Rating: NC-17

Archive: Yes

Series/Sequel: Not yet, but who the hell knows?

Disclaimers: Not for profit, no copy right infringement intended.

Notes: Praying fans don't shoot me.

Summary: PWP

Warnings: Slash/explicit sexual content/graphic

Jim was becoming distant and a cold barrier was rising between them that Blair could not break down. In spite of all of the things that they'd been through together, Blair was out of options.

"Oh, damn it Jim! Couldn't you care even a little?" Blair thought mournfully. "You don't need me anymore, you haven't zoned in six months: You've outgrown me. You don't need me, don't even want me.

Why does seeing you come into your own have to hurt me so much?" He mused as he stood next to the older, larger man. His Sentinel brushed past him on his way out the door as the shift ended. One by one the other shift members left, until Blair sat alone in the bullpen, still copying Jim's reports to make sure the brass would be able to read them. As the graveyard shift came into the bullpen from briefing, he began another night of overtime, solo. The money was about the only good thing about the lonely nights. Jim didn't call. He never did.

Sandburg wanted to exhaust himself so he couldn't feel or even think anymore. He was still there when Simon came into work the next morning. His Captain studied the younger man for several minutes, wincing at the hell in Sandy's eyes.

"What?" Blair snapped irritably.

"I think I'd better be the one asking you that question, Sandburg. You look like hell."

"He doesn't need me anymore, hasn't zoned in months. Hasn't even known I'm alive." Blair looked away from Simon, blinking back tears. "He's outgrown me, Simon."

"Bullshit!"

"Open your eyes, I haven't gone home in days. He used to at least call and check to see where I was and why."

"Days? Jesus, Sandy! Go home!"

"I don't think I have one anymore, Simon. Jim neither needs nor wants me: It's time I moved on, I guess. This hurts too damned much."

Simon didn't tell Blair that Jim was right behind him, and had heard every word. He didn't have to, his face told Blair that. His expression at the sight of the older man's stricken expression and the tears in his eyes warned Blair. Without looking at Jim, Blair said: "Isn't that right, Jim?"

"No, it's not. Have I done this to you?" Jim's tone was rough.

Blair turned slowly as a man in such pain will turn, he was too tired and to spent to hide what he was feeling any longer. What he was feeling was right there in his eyes where anyone could see it. Haunted and dull, the eyes of someone who doesn't care what happens anymore. "Don't bother, Jim." He answered bleakly. "It's been months since the last time gave a damn."

"Where were you?"

"Here, where else? All night, so don't try to say you called to check."

"Blair…"

Sandburg cut him off. "You don't need me, don't want me. What else is a Guide to do when his Sentinel no longer needs him, or wants him? Stick around while you tear my soul into tiny bits? I don't think so. I'm not strong enough for that: It's hurts to damned much already."

He waved a hand at the piles of uncopied paperwork. "I'll catch this up, and get it saved onto your c drive, and hire a nice little paralegal to keep you current before I get out of your way." Blair choked out. "You keep telling me I belong to you, but when are you going to ever belong to ME? No Guide could withstand indifference, Jim. For all intents and purposes you've already 'left' me. What does a Guide do when his Sentinel doesn't need or want him anymore?" Tears streamed frankly down Blair's face as he spoke. His slight shoulders shook with the sheer force of his emotions. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt loved. In a hoarse, pain-filled whisper he asked, "Do you know what the worst threat to a Guide's sanity is? It's a one-sided bond, that's what. I want my rightful place in your life, at your side, in your arms and in your heart: A place you've denied me, Jim." He shook his head. "No, I can't take this. I care too God-damned much about someone who doesn't give a shit and never has. And I'm tired of hurting all the time. There's got to be an end to it. Now, today. This morning." He got up and sort of lunged at the elevator doors, figuring on just getting away from his partner before he lost it entirely.

He never made it that far: Jim's big hands caught him up, pulled him close, and pretty much made him nestle against his side. "God, I'm sorry, baby." Jim whispered. He crushed Blair against himself, feeling Blair's deep, rasping sobs as they shook his small frame.

"Simon, I gotta get him home..."

"I Know, and make love to that kid before he goes insane!"

Shock made Ellison gasp. "You knew?"

"Hell, Jim, the whole damned shift's been knowing. We don't have a problem with it, so why should you? Love itself is what's important. Who it's coming from ain't worth a rat's ass! Don't be a bigger damned fool, or more of an idiot that you've been already!" Simon was already shoving them toward the parking lot.

On the drive home, Jim cried the first tears he'd wept since he was in high school. *I walked out on him, I betrayed him, and dear God how I've hurt him! How the hell do I fix a shattered soul?

*

Jim sadly stood the now silent and unresisting Blair in a corner of their shower, getting in to hold him up. He washed Sandburg's filth encrusted form;it must have been a nasty shift. *And I wasn't there to watch over him. I doubt he bothered with a backup either.* Jim thought as he cleaned his lover. *Lover? When's the last time I showed him love?* He bit his lip. *Months. Oh God, what have I done to him? He's right, he wasn't leaving me, I abandoned him a long time ago.* He worked his fingers through Sandburg's hair, washing that too. When he tipped Blair's head back into the spray from the shower to rinse his hair, the younger man looked at him with the eyes of a beaten, battered child. He seemed to cringe, waiting for the next blow, and his gaze begged Jim to tell him why he'd done this. A whimper slipped out of him as Jim suddenly crushed his Guide to his wet skin. "Easy, easy love." Ellison crooned softly, knowing those dull, lifeless eyes did not belong on Sandburg's face. He turned on the blow dryer to get Blair's wild mane dry faster. Once he had it nearly dry, he bundled the younger man into his huge bed next to him, spooning himself around the Guide's back and rump to allow his erection to rest firmly but motionlessly along Blair's crack. Blair was sobbing softly into his pillow within minutes, and that made Jim's heart crack. He held him tighter.

Blair turned to face Jim, tears streaming down his face, "Jim...I," He broke off, arms reaching for Ellison. He hugged Jim's waist tight, cuddling as close as he could get, shuddering. "Oh God, I need you so much..."

"I know baby, I need you, too. Sh, sh, hush love. I can't stand knowing I've hurt you so much. Something in me rages at knowing that. Your tears...oh God, hush love. Shhh..." Ellison pressed his mouth to Blair's neck, nipping lightly. "I'll make it right, Blair. I promise. Somehow, I can start tonight by giving you all the loving you can stand. I'm going to make love to you until you don't even know who you are!"

Blair moaned softly as Jim's big hands skimmed lightly over his chest and down his flanks. He moved restlessly under the caresses, seeking greater contact with the hard-muscled body on his left, his flesh following Jim's hands as they roamed all over him. In horror, Jim suddenly realized how poor and weak the bond itself was; he could feel it strengthening. He'd jeopardized so much!

Jim slowly worked his was across Blair's face, neck and ears to his shoulders. His own passion was pushed aside so that he could SHOW Blair he did, too, love him, did in fact care. Inch by slow inch he kissed and licked Blair's affection starved young body, before finally claiming his mouth in a deeply passionate kiss.

Blair sighed, then gasped in his enjoyment at what Jim was doing to him. Jim's seeking fingertips and his hot, hungry lips and tongue spread intense pleasure wherever they touched. His tongue darted into Jim's mouth when Ellison offered it, groaning again when Jim began to suck his tongue. Jim tasted Blair's sweet breath, sucked the slickness of his tongue before raising his head abruptly at the feel of Blair's warm hand on his penis, squeezing gently.

"Don't, I'll never last if you do. And I really want it to last: This time's for you." He told him gently as he removed Blair's hand from his sex. Then he tickled Blair's sac with his fingertips, feeling Blair spread himself wider and lift his hips to maintain the contact. He cupped Sandburg's nuts, rubbing his thumb over them as he continued to fondle Blair's balls.

"Oh God, Jim! Oh Jesus!" Blair half screamed when Jim sucked his ringed nipple into his mouth. His back arched, and he began to writhe under Jim's larger frame. He hugged Jim and cried again out when the

older man switched to the bare tit. Blair began to undulate under Jim, urging him on.

"Oh Little Love, you ain't seen nothin', yet. Wait'll you see what else im going to do to you!" Then Jim took Blair's 8" cock into his mouth and began to suck.

He took a few slow sucks, then licked his way lower until his tongue was lapping Blair's tight opening. He got him soaking wet, then eased one long finger into his ass, fucking him with it gently for a while before adding another one. Once Jim had three digit in Blair's rear, he finger-fucked him thoroughly. His fingertips raked the young man's prostate over and over, making him scream and squirm helplessly, but always meeting each stroke with his rear.

Jim made him wait awhile. He wanted the experience to made Sandburg explode like a sun going nova! As he fondled his sac, and his fingers plunged in and out of his asshole, Jim lowered his head and sucked

Blair's huge sex back into his mouth. This time he wasn't going to stop! He slurply it in, loving the sound of it as he sucked Blair's dick, and fingered his ass at the same time, his other hand was gently feeling Blair's nuts, driving him insane with lust and need.

"Sweet God, oh God, Jim, oh shit that's, oh man!" In a few minutes Sandburg sounded like as sex-crazed, babbling, blithering idiot as he howled and begged for his release, pleading for Jim to mount and ride him but Jim refused. He did catch and swallow the huge globs of cum Blair jetted into his mouth, though. That was before he went back to asshole sucking.

He laved Blair's ass for hours, tonguing his chute or fingering him into orgasm after orgasm. By this time Blair actually had some serious doubts as to his own identity, but didn't really care. When Jim finally did mount him, he went incandescent with lust and need. They both glowed white-hot as Jim screamed Blair's name, heard the answering shout of his own, gave a final hard shove, and shot off before collapsed on top of his own spasming form.

They drifted, slowly coming down from an incredible height. At last, Jim shifted, only to feel Blair reach around and grasp his rear, pulling him closer.

"Don't leave me." The young man clutched at Jim, panic in his voice.

"Shhh, easy there. I'm not going anywhere." He kissed the Guide's shoulder gently. "You still know who you are, and that means I'm not done." He smiled indulgently at the whimpers he heard, smiled wider when he felt Blair pushing his ass upwards. Jim began to thrust lightly, feeling himself swelling as the hot, moist tunnel around his member squeezed and rippled, and Blair gasped. The Guide's body was already undulating under him, already pushing, and the Sentinel's hands swept down his flanks to raise goose-flesh in their wake. "All night, baby. All night long."

Jim's soft voice tickled Sandburg's ear as he softly spoke: "Easy, we've got the rest of our lives, Blair."

"I can't, I can't hold it…it's been so long…" Came the half-pleading answer.

"Nobody said you had to, love. Let go, I want to see how many times I can make you cum for me. I'm going to make love to you until your nuts are empty, until you can't get another hard-on, and even then my mouth will lick and suck and kiss you, and my arms will hold you tight when you've had all you can take." He told Blair in a fierce tone. "I'll give you all the pleasure and all of the love I should have given you already, and more. God, I love you Blair, and it took damned near losing you to make me understand that. My Sight might be enhanced, but I didn't see that. I was flyin' blind."

<<How could I have betrayed him? How could I have betrayed his trust?>> Jim thought remorsefully, <<He trusted me to take care of him! And what did I do? What kind of Sentinel betrays his Guide, worse what kind of a man betrays the one person he loves more than anyone else on Earth?>> His lips left a trail of kisses along Blair's shoulders as he felt the smaller man let go, blasting away as he shot off again. Jim left off thinking for action. He slid out of Blair's ass, taking his time about trailing his hungry mouth all over the smaller man under him, inch by frustrating inch. He nipped lightly, breathing in the scent of their loving as he licked up Blair's spew, sucking at the dusky skin to be sure he'd gotten it all. He left marks, huge hickeys spotted Blair's torso, neck, and throat. He even had one on his cock! He met Blair's eyes, deep and liquid pools of love and lust and wonder. Then he loved him again as he got lost in his blue eyes.

Five hours later the pair lay exhausted on the bed, Blair's nuts aching in the way that only depleted balls can, his cheek pressed firmly against his Sentinel's heaving chest. He was where he belonged, with the man he belonged to. Otherwise he had no idea, no more notion of reality than a baby. His eyes were dazed, confused, and a little frightened.

"Easy there, love. You'll remember in the morning, I promise. You may not recall it, but I did swear I was going to make love to you until you didn't even know who you were: Looks like you don't at that…"

"Who am I, anyway?"

"If don't know that when we wake up, I'll tell you then. Why don't you just snuggle here and let me hold you while you sleep, sweetheart? I promise, I won't let you go." Jim used his toes to grab the covers, tucking them in around Blair and himself. "These are good furs. I think I'm going to have to get you to teach me how to make these." Jim murmured sleepily as he gathered Blair in even closer. Between one instant and the next, both men were sound asleep.

END