Title: Alone Again, Naturally

Author/pseudonym: Silk

Fandom: The Sentinel

Pairing: Jim/Blair

Rating: G

Status: New/Complete

Date: 1/5/02

Archive: If I sent it to you, please feel free to archive.

E-mail address: silkn1@att.net

Series/Sequel: Possibly

Website: www.angelfire.com/ny4/tinsel/

Notes: This is set toward the end of TSbyBS. If there is a sequel, things may end slightly differently than in canon, which would make this AU. But who knows?

Disclaimers: All Sentinel characters belong to Pet Fly and Paramount. I am merely playing with them nicely. This work is not for profit.

Summary: Blair makes the ultimate sacrifice. But is it worth it?

Warnings: Angst. Spoilers for TSbyBS.

For Mo, who told me to channel all that energy and inadvertently inspired this.

Alone Again, Naturally
by Silk

I winced and pulled the hood of my hunter green sweatshirt jacket over my head, effectively hiding my now-notorious dark brown curls from view. "People can be so mean," I muttered under my breath.

I didn't dare look back. There was a small crowd gathered by the fountain. People I didn't even know were having a great time dissecting my character as well as my job performance.

I should say, my *former* job performance. I was no longer employed by Rainier University.

"Frequent absenteeism."

"Failure to progress on your doctoral thesis."

"Dragging the University through the mud with your questionable morals and obvious fraud."

Each charge stung. As they knew it would. "Your long hair, your inability to adhere to even the least stringent dress code."

Making a sacrifice wasn't supposed to feel good. That's part of why it's a sacrifice. But I couldn't even feel relieved that the whole hellish ordeal was over.

Because it wasn't.

I put down the carton containing what meager possessions I had and fished in my pockets for the keys to the Volvo. I started to feel panicky when I couldn't find them immediately. The crowd was beginning to sound noisy. I didn't think I was in any real danger, but then...my judgment was undeniably suspect now.

My eyes blurred with tears I would rather die than shed. Rainier had been home to me for too many years to give it up gracefully. It would be hard, but I would get over it.

I wrenched open the passenger side door. For the zillionth time that morning, I wondered if Jim had watched the press conference on TV. What did he think about what I did? Would he understand why I did it? Would he care?

"Are we even still friends?" I asked out loud, feeling my entire body break out in goosebumps.

Minutes later, I found myself sitting in my car, both hands on the wheel, my head bowed. There were no words of apology I could think of to make up for what happened to Simon...or Megan... Their lives were put in jeopardy because of *me*.

Because of me, Jim's identity as a Sentinel became public knowledge. Because of me, Jim's ability to do his job as a detective was compromised. Because of me, people could have *died*.

I don't know how I would have survived that.

If I could have.

Because of Jim, I gave up my career. Because of Jim, I gave up what little life I had outside of him and the Cascade PD.

Because of Jim, I learned how to love selflessly.

"So I could give you up," I whispered before burying my face in my hands.

When I could breathe without shaking too hard, I turned the ignition and started the car. I automatically pointed it in the direction of the loft before I realized...I had no home anymore.

I wasn't welcome at the loft. Or at Rainier.

I had no place to go.

I had been judged by my peers and found wanting.

My punishment, though no one dared call it that, was to slowly fade away.

For someone who had finally found a home that wasn't a place but a person...it was the end.

End