When You Love Someone

by Krisser

Fandom: The Sentinel

Pairing: J/B

Disclaimer: They are not mine...they are not mine......sad but true. Bryan Adams' song 'When you Love Someone' was the inspiration for the fic.

Not a major ooowie, just some mental ones.

When You Love Someone
by Krisser

THERE'LL BE TIMES THAT YOU BELIEVE

One never knows how far the binds that make them will be tested. Unfortunately for me, Blair Sandburg, mine gets tested a lot. To be tested so frequently must mean I fail most tests.

What am I being tested for? Love, commitment to that love, whether I'm worthy of the other half of my soul. I don't think I can ever be worthy. But I will continue to try to my last breath.

I risk losing myself altogether, but that isn't important, I'm fighting for Jim.


YOU'LL DENY THE TRUTH - BELIEVE A LIE

As I had watched them on the beach, I felt the meal I didn't eat threaten to come up anyway. That he could caress her, kiss her, the one that had killed me....well, I shifted into automatic. Got my Sentinel's attention and he just managed to save me from a second death at her hands, and barely managed not to fuck her right there in the open.

If I'd had a gun as I watched her turn and run I would have shot her. Against what I thought I'd believed, I know I could have done it. Jim had the chance, but he didn't.

He came back with me, but he was angry that I couldn't come up with an easy solution.

He had warned her of the trap near the temple and went in with her. He did get the nerve gas container and her circuits were fried, but he felt like he failed.

He has implored that he was not really attracted to her. Only that he felt compelled to help her, she was his kind. There have been awful moments in my life, dying was one of them, but seeing Jim, with her, on the sand, well, it haunts me still.

But Jim assures me he that he would not have taken her there on the beach.


YOU'LL FEEL IT DEEP INSIDE

That he could think.....that he could. In everything that I have been about, where have I betrayed a friend? To betray Jim would be the same as betraying myself. It's so not about his being a sentinel. It's about friendship and love. The kind of love that only comes around once. Could I betray that?


SHOOT THE MOON - PUT OUT THE SUN

I didn't know how hard it would be, never guessed. To say those words aloud: My thesis "The Sentinel" is a fraud......the documentation proving that James Ellison ....actually possesses hyper-senses is fraudulent.

Many of the hopes and dreams held since childhood died today. Everything that I had hoped to be about, gone. A thirty second difference between a fortune with fame and humiliation.

Naomi thinks I gave up the brass ring. Actually I had it before all the upheaval started. I just hadn't recognized it yet. Now, when I do, I may have already lost it. You see, the brass ring was my life with Jim. Working at the Cascade PD and being his partner.

Now I'm a fraud. What little credence I had at Major Crimes is gone. Oh, Jim, Simon and Megan will know that I'm not, but they won't be able to say anything. So, for me, that chapter is over. I don't even know if Jim'll want me to continue living at the loft.

Do I regret what I did? No. Not when the alternative would have ruined Jim's life. When there is a choice to be made, I choose Jim. When you love someone and are truly committed, there is sacrifice and compromise.

I better go to the hospital and check on Simon and Megan, there because of me.


LONELY NIGHTS HAVE JUST BEGUN

Simon and Jim must have called in a lot of favors to get me the shield. Do I want to be a cop? Well If I had asked myself that four years ago, I'd have probably said no. That was before I actually worked with them. I, too know now that I have a lot to offer that world. So, yes, I want to be a cop. The fact that I get to be Jim's official partner is the best part and now I don't have to wait in the truck.

I kinda think that they expect me to fail. That I won't be able to handle it, they'll be wrong. I have an inner strength that most are surprised by...or at least they are until they meet Naomi.

No I won't fail, for I need to be with Jim. Yes, I said need. To myself at least I must be honest, so, yes, I need Jim. My heart is with him, yeah, a guy, go figure. Naomi raised me to look past the outer shell and seek what's inside, so I do, I did and I found Jim.

Only in my fantasy realm, would Jim love a nerdy, anthropologist geek. I know this. In the real world I can be necessary, continue to guide Jim. So I keep plugging along, keep my feelings inside and under control. Have had lots of practice at that.


NO MATTER WHAT MAY COME

Life is so fucking weird. My childhood dream was to find a sentinel, and I did. Then I lost my doctorate and became a cop. Being a cop as Jim's partner is better than I thought it could ever be. I still get asked if I'm in vice...hey I didn't cut my hair.

I think life would have gone along as it was, with Simon yelling, "Ellison, Sandburg, my office." With Megan assuming that Jim and I were a couple, and Jim and I dancing about each other, looking for the path back. Yeah, I think everything would have stayed the same if we hadn't been involved in the Gerard Glesser case.

Glesser was another socially repressed psycho that chose Cascade to alter his behavior in, lucky us. Jim and I had entered a warehouse in the water district. Jim stopped and listened, then motioned for me to go left. So I did. As I checked one section out, I started to round the corner, I felt a sharp pain and I blacked out.

When I awoke, it was to find myself, hanging upside down from a rope, over a vat of oil. I was gagged and both my hands and feet were bound. I don't remember all of what Glesser said as I kept swinging in and out of earshot. He would pull me close and be ranting about how stupid it was for a police department to turn down a clean cut guy like him and hired a neo-hippie such as my self. Gee, like I haven't heard that before.

Anyway, he kept ranting, hitting me hard to push me away only to swing back and have it start again. For a short while he seemed distracted, must have been when Jim discovered him. Then he resumed his abuse. After that, all I remember was hearing a gunshot and dropping into the oil.

Next thing I remember, I woke up in the hospital, (I've done this so much now, that I'm not even disorientated as to where I am). I find Jim with his head on my thigh, asleep. I used the hand that didn't have the IV attached and stroked his head as to wake him gently, while indulging myself in the action.

Blue eyes open and then the man smiles at me. Not the regular Ellison smile, (which ain't all that bad), but the megawatt one that lights the man up from inside. I wanted to look around and see if there was someone standing behind me. But he kept his alert eyes focused on me.

"You're okay?" He asks me, almost like he had wonder in his voice.

"Yea, I guess. What happened?" I asked him.

Then my world changed.

The alert blue eyes teared and then my sentinel moved quickly and drew me in for a hug. Not the loose family kind, but the hanging on for dear-life kind. His nose was buried in my hair and he was mumbling the whole time. Only I'm not a sentinel and I had no clue what he was saying.

I hugged back, I'm no fool. I told him I couldn't hear him.

"Ialmostlostyou. Ialmostlostyou. Ialmostlostyou." Jim kept repeating that over and over.

I ran my one hand up and down his back, repeating, "I'm here. I'm okay."

Then.......I can't even believe this, then Jim drew back far enough to see into my face and he placed his hands on either side of my face. He stared intently for a few seconds, then whispered, "I almost lost you, again. There is so much that you can't forgive me for, but I have to tell you...I don't have a life unless you're there. God, Blair, I love you."

This was too close to my fantasy and I knew that Jim didn't mean it that way so I smiled and said, "I know Jim, I love you too. I forgave you a long time ago." I meant to say more, but Jim stopped me.

"Blair, yeah, I love you like a friend, but it is so much more. You are my heart." Jim looked down, embarrassed.

I gripped his shoulder hard, and I know my eyes had to have lit up, my god, I felt like I was glowing, "Jim, what exactly do you mean?" I had to have it all stated clearly. I waited, I think I was holding my breath.

He must have been able to read my reactions with his enhanced senses 'cause leaned over close to my ear, "I want to nail ya to the bed and not let you up for several weeks." He pulled back slightly as if he wasn't completely sure how'd I react.

"For once then I'd follow the doctor's orders for bed rest." Hey, I'm a smartass most the time. This was so deep and meaningful, I would have broken down if I answered with my heart.

Jim was with me though, "Well, you'd be in bed, but not getting that much rest." A lustful look adorned that man's beautiful face.

We stared into each other's eyes for a long bit, reading the truth for the other to see. With my free hand I ran my knuckles against his cheek, my god, he leaned into it. "Jim, I love you with my heart and soul."

"Blair, you are my heart and soul." He leaned down and kissed me. Gently, at first, then taste exploded and we devoured each other. Tongues slid together, dancing the dance I had only dreamed of. I got lost in the sensations. Next I knew, Jim was lying next to me, cupping my prominent erection. I have no idea if we would have stopped there or not because we were interrupted by a nurse.

A seemingly unflappable nurse, her comment, "Looks like our patient is up and alert," had us both giggling. (I did wonder for a few short minutes that a paper on what all nurses have seen would be fun, but I got distracted).

"I love you, Blair. The kinds that feels right all the way through." Jim told me in a reverent whisper.

"Yeah, the forever kind." I didn't think it could get any better, but that was until I saw Jim's face light up at my words. Like no one had ever promised him that. I promised him that.

He kissed me lightly, then straightened up, "Simon's coming."

The gang from Major Crimes descended and they finally filled me in on what had happened. Jim had called for back up when I went missing. H said they rolled up as Jim was pointing his gun at Glesser. Jim's shot hit the target, but as the man fell, he released the rope and I fell into the vat of oil.

Now I like Megan's version best. Jim had screamed a howl of pain and raced to the vat. With inhuman strength pulled on the floating rope and hauled me out of the vat. He held me close, begging me to live. Commanding me to live. ( I always do what Jim tells me to do.......well almost always). The paramedics cleared the airway and got me breathing, evidently under Jim's tutelage.

I get to go home today, to our home, our room, our life. No matter what may come at us in the future, we have each other and we've always worked best as a team.

Hey, I must have finally passed a test.

END