Welcome

By Jennifer Saenz

RATING: G

PAIRING: Jim/Blair

STATUS: NEW; complete

ARHIVE: YES to everyone (Humor)

SERIES/SEQUEL: No

DISCLAIMERS: Jim and Blair belong to Petfly and all them. The constable belongs to alliance and all that. No money is made of this story so suing is useless.

NOTES: Quote is from SeinLanguage by Jerry Seinfeld. I'm not a great fan of his, but the book was hilarious. It gave me the idea for the story and the plot too.

Not exactly a crossover, but it does mention a certain Mountie. Not even a real story, just a snippet (I've read OBSenads that were longer). All comments are welcome as long as they're constructive.

Astrological signs are just a guess and thanks to Cynara for helping with this. The same goes for their ages.

SUMMARY: The Detective goes shopping.

WARNINGS: m/m mentionings. It's rated G, but I doubt Disney would ever make a movie about it. Any mistakes are mine and I accept them.

By Jennifer Saenz
*******

"What causes homophobia? What is it that makes the heterosexual man worry about this? I think it's because deep down all men know that we have weak sales resistance. We're constantly buying shoes that hurt us, pants that don't fit right. Men think, 'Obviously I can be talked into anything. What if I accidentally wander into some sort of homosexual store thinking it's a shoe store and the salesmen says, 'Just hold this guy's hand, walk around a little bit, see how it feels. No obligation, no pressure, just try it.'"- Jerry Seinfeld
******

"Come in."

"Uh...thanks."

"How can I help you?"

"I'm looking for some shoes-"

"I'm sorry this isn't that kind of store, but maybe we can still help you."

"Uh...okay."

"Why don't you sit over here and I will find one of our items just your size."

"All right."

"First, tell us a little bit about yourself."

"I'm a Major Crimes Detective for the Cascade PD, currently without a partner. I recently started having heightened senses. I just turned 40 and live by myself in a two-bedroom loft. I enjoy outdoor things like camping and fishing. I'm also a Pieces."

"Excellent. I have the perfect one for you. It's called our guide/shaman model."

"Good....I guess."

*****

"Hey. HEY! You in the red suit."

"Are you addressing me?"

"No I'm talking to the Santa Claus sitting next to you. Yes, I mean you. What are you here for?"

"Actually it's my uniform and I'm just here to exchange my purchase."

"Why hello Constable! Has there been a problem with your new-"

"No. Of course not. It is just that I found I think green goes better with my suit. I was wondering if my last choice was still available."

"Of course Constable. In fact I hear he's been hoping you would change your mind."

"Excellent"

********

"Detective?"

"Yeah?"

"We've finally found you the perfect model."

"Hi,"

"Uh.... Hello?"

"My name's Blair. I am 28 and a Sagittarius. I like outdoor things also and am a great companion. I am also brilliant, so if you need a partner at work, I am ready. I also am an experienced guide in and out of the bedroom."

"Sir? I think there has been some mistake here. I didn't know what kind of store this is. I'm not ga-"

"Nonsense, Detective. You were made for each other. Just try him out for a few days. No pressure. He is a brilliant you man, with big blue eyes and soft, silky curls. You will love him and he will love you. It is guaranteed. If you return him in thirty days or less, we will give you a full refund or even an exchange. Just give it a try and I promise you will not be Disappointed."

"Uh...Okay...I guess."

*****

"Welcome back, Detective. How have you been enjoying your choice?"

"It's been great and I've never been happier. In fact, I came to see if I could get that extended warranty on him. He has been having the worst luck at my job…."

-30-