Title: Water on glass

Author/pseudonym: Kata Avalon

Fandom: Sentinel

Pairing: Jim/Blair, Blair/f

Rating: R

Status: complete

Archive: Yes

Feedback: I would be grateful

Disclaimers: They are not mine and I do not get any money out of this (unfortunately).

Notes: A dark story with a light ending.

Summary: Never underestimate the value of timing.

Warnings: Angst, first time.

Water On Glass
by Kata Avalon

Blair was serious.

Jim could read the signs. This one was … different. Rated higher than the previous one. This one could be serious, married-with-children serious.

Where did that leave him? The Guide would not leave his Sentinel. Jim was pretty sure of that. Blair would take care of his duties. But Jim did not want to be a duty. He wanted more.

Jim wanted to be the one waking up beside Blair in the mornings. He wanted to fight for the ownership of the remote control with Blair. He wanted to grow old with Blair.

But he had never said a word and now Blair had found someone else. Words were important to Blair. But words would have made it real. Words would have meant a change. Words would have meant risking everything on the chance that Blair might feel the same. Jim was pretty sure he did, but there was always the chance that he was wrong. Apparently he had been wrong.

Blair came home from the university. He could see that something was wrong.

Blair sat beside Jim on the couch. And demanded to know just what was wrong, and by the way, was it the same that had been bothering Jim these past days.

Jim was not sure how to answer his Guide. He did not feel like lying anymore. But would it ruin everything? And did it matter since it seemed like he would be losing Blair anyway.

"Mm… I … I love you."

Blair stared at him. Then he rose, and started shouting at him. Calling him an idiot. Cursing at him for never talking about things. And for ruining everything because he could not open his damned
mouth.

Jim could not look at the furious pacing bundle of nervous energy. Instead he hung his head down. And did his best not to cry.

Finally Blair stopped. He took a deep breath and told Jim he would get to bed and would Jim please learn how to talk.

Jim sat on the couch listening to Blair. When he was sure his Guide was sinking into sleep, he got up to his bed. And let his tears fall freely.

Blair knew he had hurt Jim. But why did he have to say it now? Blair was happy as things were. Everything was fine at the university for once. He had found someone he could consider spending the rest of his life with. And then Jim had ruined it with those three words. He had turned everything upside down, forced Blair to reconsider everything.

If only Jim had said them earlier. Blair would have been glad to hear them. But now it was too late. And Blair would never know what it would be like to make love with James Ellison.

***

Next morning Jim woke with a head ache. He was not feeling that good otherwise either. It took all his strength just to make coffee.

As he sat on the table nursing his coffee cup Blair flew through the room and out the door.

Just as well. What could he have said to Blair?

Why did he feel so bad?

Jim tried to convince himself that this was not the end of the world. But he could not lie to himself.

Blair was the one for him. Just because Blair did not love him, did not mean that he could wipe out everything and start anew. Maybe sometime in the next century.

But did he want to start anew?

He did not. Jim liked his life as it was. He would just have to save what he could.

***

Blair could not concentrate on lectures or grant forms. Or anything else except those three words. He was feeling bad about his reaction to them. But why the hell had Jim not said anything sooner?!

Blair snorted. He knew Jim. Words, specially words like that, were not his forte. He probably only said them now because of Stacy.

Besides, Blair could have said something. But he had been pretty sure Jim did not go for men. And Blair had not been sure what to say. Jim was his friend and you did not have short affairs with your friends.

Would it have been short?

Well, yes. It is not as if he is the man of my dreams. Or is he…

***

Within a few days and some awkward situations everything seemed to return to normal. On the outside. There were no more light touches, no more bantering and Blair could not help but notice that Jim seemed … sad.

And things were not going well with Stacy. Blair was distracted and Stacy was getting suspicious that something was going on. Blair kept comparing her to Jim. And he could not help thinking that he might be settling for second best.

***

One evening after a not-so-good dinner with Stacy, Blair came home and just stared at Jim as he was reading a magazine on the couch. After awhile Jim looked up and asked what was wrong.

His Guide went into his room to change. Still not saying a word.

Jim looked up as Blair settled beside him on the couch.

Blair was apologising? Of course he forgave his Guide, though he did not believe there was anything to forgive.

What?!? Blair was telling him he loved him??

Jim could not believe his ears. He wondered if he should ask Blair about oral hallucinations. He swallowed a potential nervous giggle.

Why did Blair say that? Why now? Had Blair and Stacy broken up? Was he the second choice to his Guide?

Jim did not feel like he could make any kind of decisions now. Blair was asking him to trust him. Jim was not sure he could, after what had happened.

***

Blair was a nervous wreck. He knew Jim had little reason to trust his declaration of love. But it was true.

It had taken some meditation and reviewing of his soul, so to speak, to come up with that nugget of truth. Some shaman he was.

Hopefully it would not take too long for Jim to decide. The suspense was killing him.

Jim was not much better off.

He was sitting on a rock by the sea and trying to make some kind of decision. The knowledge that he was deciding about the rest of their lives did not help any.

Wasn't this what he had wanted? To hear Blair say those words? To live with Blair as a couple?

But Blair had hurt him.

But he still loved him.

If he said no, what would happen? Blair would leave him. Eventually.

He did not want that.

Maybe they just needed to be at the same time at the same place. Maybe then everything would settle in its place, whatever that was.

Jim rose and walked to the truck. By the time he arrived at the loft he was still not sure.

He spent a minute staring at the door to the loft before opening it.

Blair seemed to sense that this was it. He walked to Jim, slowly.

They stared at each other.

Jim took a deep breath, and nodded. Blair reached up to kiss him.

That first kiss was everything Jim had dreamed of. Blair tasted unique, spicy.

Blair took his hand and led him to the stairs to his bedroom. Somehow Blair managed to shed most of their clothing, kiss Jim almost senseless and get them up the stairs. Blair always was good at
multitasking.

As they lay on the bed, naked, Jim could feel nervousness seeping in. He had never done this before, and Blair had still not said a word.

Blair smiled at him.

"I love you."

Then he kissed Jim as if this was the last chance to do so. As if he wanted it all, now, this second.

***

The first time could not last long. It lasted long enough to create memories for decades to come.

During the snuggling afterwards.

"You want to have a commitment ceremony?"

"Do we need it?"

Blue met blue.

"No."

END