Title: Undercover 2

Author/pseudonym: Lady Masham...but its Kira to my friends, and that means you :)

Fandom: The Sentinel

Pairing: Jim/Blair

Rating: PG-13

Status: stand alone, but part of a bigger project that's in the works

Archive: Yes please, at the Complete Kingdom of Slash, and WWOMB

E-mail address for feedback: ktomsons@is2.dal.ca

Other websites: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Dungeon/6473/slash.html

Disclaimers: I dream about owning them but in reality must face the fact I don't have that pleasure. I make no money from this and if anyone else does, sue them and then let me know too.

Summary: Jim and Blair deal with the after affects of Blair's assault

Warnings: There is a discussion of non-graphic sexual assault that had previously occurred.

Notes: I use Canadian spellings, its betaed, but there are mistakes I've probably missed. Please be gentle. But on the other side, let me know what you think. Constructive cricism always appreciated. I'll laugh at flames :)

Undercover 2
by Kira

In this condition physical beauty is more pleasing to him than ugliness, and if in a beautiful body he finds also a beautiful and noble and gracious soul, he welcomes the combination warmly, and finds much to way to such a one about virtue and the qualities and actions which mark a good man, and takes his education in hand. -Socrates (in the'Symposium' by Plato)
~~~~~~~~

As Blair walked into the bullpen behind Jim, he felt a wave of unease. Rafe and Brown were sitting at their desks as usual. The activity in the room seemed normal enough.

"Hey Blair, how are you?" Officer Walters, a uniformed cop who had made a point of being nice Blair when he first joined the department, asked. The day before, people had held back, unsure of how to approach Blair to ask how he was doing. Now that the reports had all been filed, life went on as usual.

"Oh, you know. Okay I guess." Walters gave Jim a nod as he continued on his way after giving Blair a quick pat on the back.

Yes, everything was normal enough. Jim seemed more tense than usual though and that meant that something was wrong. Something that only a Sentinel could pick up on. Simon appeared at his door and waved the pair over. Jim shot a look at Blair but Blair couldn't exactly pin down what it was. Concern?...Fear?

"Take a seat, gentlemen." Simon was overly formal as they entered the office and when Blair saw the mayor and the District Attorney sitting across from the desk, it became apparent why. Jim put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly and Blair shot him a grateful smile.

"First of all, let me thank you for acting so promptly on this case and getting such quick results. Mr. Sandburg, I'd like to extend my condolences for what happened to you" The mayor began, sitting forward in her seat and placing a hand on Blair's forearm, which rested on the arm of his chair.

"Uh....Thanks." Blair said, moving uncomfortably in his chair, trying to be subtle in his attempt to dislodge her concerned touch. Taking the hint, the mayor removed her hand. The DA, Frank MacLeod, spoke up in the awkward silence.

"We've discussed the situation and it's agreed that we don't want a big public trial here, so we're prepared to make a deal with Mr. Collins. I just thought that you might be interested in what exactly we plan on doing from here on in now that he has been apprehended."

"Do? What do you mean? You press charges and we nail the bastard to the wall. That's what you do."Jim said incredulously. Blair's stomach lurched as he realized that this was not going to be the simple conviction that Jim had assured him of.

"Not quite, detective. You see, we have a slight problem. None of the victims, Mr. Sandburg included, will be credible witnesses. They were all drugged but none except Mr. Sandburg are willing to testify. There is no way that a jury will convict on the testimony of a drugged witness, as long as there is room for doubt. His lawyers know we are up against the wall without any solid evidence."

"He drugged them against their will!"

"Yes detective, we are aware of what he did, but none of the victims are willing to press charges against him, except Mr. Sandburg and that won't be enough. The defense is prepared to argue that what happened was consensual and there is nothing we can bring forward as evidence against that. The drug could have been ingested voluntarily from all appearances, even though we all know that's not what happened.

There are no signs of a struggle, no physical trauma, and frankly, Detective, you had no just cause and no warrent when you broke down that door. From your report, you didn't call Mr. Sandburg at home, where Mr. Collins could have quite innocently been bringing him home as the other bar tender claimed he was. We are on very shaky ground here and I'm prepared to get what we can. He's prepared to cut a deal and I'm going to go along with it." Frank looked disconcerted at having to explain himself. "

"What's his punishment?" Blair interjected quietly, his eyes riveted to the cup he held.

"Six months, eligible for parole in two, and he loses his licence to serve alcohol."

Simon, Jim and Frank watched as the observer carefully placed the mug onto the edge of Simon's desk, rose and left the office. Jim extended his hearing and tracked the young man as he grabbed his jacket and headed for the elevator. Only the rapidly beating heart betrayed Blair's reaction to the deal. Jim was less restrained.

"He'll be out in two months? You've got to be joking! He's a sexual predator for crying out loud. If the victims were women you'd be less willing to cut a deal like that. I mean, come on!" He appealed to Simon for help. "Simon, please."

"Jim, it's out of my hands. I don't think it was in my hands to begin with."

Frank interrupted. "Besides detective, it's a done deal. He already pled guilty to the charges we laid and was transported this morning to the minimum security facility."

Jim shook his head in disbelief, abruptly standing.

"Well that's just great. I'm taking the day off, Simon."

He took off after his partner.

****

In the parking garage, Blair sat in the Volvo, willing himself to stop shaking. Despite his mind's reluctance to recall the events of two night before, his body was making up for his lack of mental response to the attack. Jim had encouraged him to rest and had helped fill out the report, deliberately not making him feel even worse about his lack of memory regarding the *incident*. That's what they were calling it now. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to remember. Some things were probably best left hidden in the depths of one's soul. If he remembered though, Dave would probably be spending more time locked away. He had known that the bastard probably wouldn't get as stiff a sentence as he had wanted but he honestly thought it would be longer than two months. It all seemed so ridiculous. *God, what a fuck up.*

Grasping the wheel in both hands until his knuckles turned white, he rested his forehead against them. He took deep quavering breaths. He had been so together up until now. When he had awoken in Jim's arm - a fantasy made reality - the previous night had seemed so far away. He knew Jim wouldn't want to deal with a hysterical, weepy roommate so he had done what he always did to alleviate the pain - cracked some silly joke about body odour and the spray, all to distract from the arousal he had felt coupled with the feelings of violation and unease.

Jim had described what he had seen and how the whole thing had happened - from his perspective - in the hopes that it might trigger some memories. But all it had done was make Blair feel like there was a part of him that was missing, a part that in reality he didn't want back; a sullied tainted part that Dave had created.

A stifled sob shook his frame as he tried to hold back the tears that pricked at his eyes. He refused to cry. He wouldn't cry. *I. Will. Not. Cry.*

*****

Blair started involuntarily as he was suddenly enveloped in big, strong arms. He hadn't even heard Jim open the passenger door of the car. The warmth that enfolded him as Jim drew him close to his chest broke down the shaky barrier he had constructed around his whirling emotions. Hands gently stroked his hair as he began to sob in Jim's shirt, venting the pain, shame and anger that had simmered within his heart.

"It'll be okay Blair. We'll get through this. Everything will be okay, you'll see. I'm here. No one can hurt you, Chief." The endearment only caused Blair to sob harder. *Why did this have to happen to me? Damn him. Damn him to hell!* he mentally wailed in anguish, cursing Dave.

"Jim...I just want to remember." Blair sniffled into Jim's shirt. "I want to remember so that it won't hurt so bad inside...so that I can say 'that's what he did and you can put him away for it.' But that's not going to happen, is it, Jim?"

"Honestly? No. The DA already made up his mind." Jim allowed Blair to pull back a bit and pulled a tissue from his pocket, wiping at the tears and running nose. "Here, blow. No matter what, Blair. If you don't remember a thing, or if you remember everything. I'll help. I'll be there for you. I promise."

"Really? Even if...if...it was really bad? I don't want you to hate me...or, or, think that I'm weak or..."

Jim wouldn't allow the disparaging remarks to continue.

"You could never be coward Blair. A spineless goober maybe, but a coward never." Jim was heartened to see a small grin form. He pulled Blair back into a hug and held his hurting partner, rubbing comforting circles on his back.

"I'm sorry Jim"

"Blair you have nothing to be sorry for. In fact I was wondering when you'd start reacting normally." He felt Blair tense a bit.

"Normally? You mean like a wuss?"

"What happened to you was traumatic. Maybe even more so because you can't remember. Your body knows what happened and will sabotage you. That's why you're reacting now. So just let it go." Jim paused as Blair slowly relaxed under his touch. He hadn't been sure whether Blair would
be receptive to physical contact, especially with another man, but for some reason there was nothing but trust in the smaller body he held. "I'd never think that you're a wuss. I just didn't expect you to be cracking jokes this morning. "

"I...I didn't know what else to do. I guess the only clear thing about last night was spewing on your shoes." Blair chuckled weakly. He added contritely, "sorry about that."

"A pair of shoes is nothing. You can spew on me all you like."

"Do you really mean it when you say you don't think I'm a wuss?" Blair asked looking as though he could crumble at the wrong answer.

"The truth?" Blair nodded, wiping at his face with his shirt sleeve. Jim sat back, staring at his partner. Minutes stretched and Blair began to squirm in worry.

"Jim?" He asked hesitantly.

"The truth? You want the truth, Blair?" At Blair's nod, Jim took a deep steadying breath, looking as though he'd concluded a vigorous internal debate. "All right, you asked for it. The truth is Blair, you are the most amazing, wonderful, brave, compassionate person I know."

Blair's jaw dropped at the passion in Jim's voice. Jim continued, capturing Blair's amazed eyes with his own.

"The truth is that I have never felt for another the way that I feel for you. I love you. More than a friend, more than a brother. I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Jim reclined in his seat with an air of contentment.

"Jim...I...you...I." Blair, for once in his life couldn't seem to form a coherent sentence.

"I know that this is completely out of the blue, but I couldn't hide any more. If you want to move out, I understand. You're the most important person in my life and I don't want to jeopardize our friendship just because I fell in love with you. So if you feel uncomfortable..."

Blair couldn't allow Jim to flounder. He simply moved back within the circle of Jim's arms and brushed his lips over his partner's lips in a chaste kiss. The babble of words ceased and Jim's eyelids lowered, a groan rumbling deep in his chest.

*Oh. My. GOD. Blair just kissed me. Blair. Kissed. Me.*

The two men pulled apart, Jim tightening his arms to keep Blair close, not wanting to relinquish his hold.

"Jim? Do you want the truth too?" Blair asked in a husky whisper that thrilled down Jim's spine. Jim simply nodded, echoing Blair's earlier nod. "I love you too. Always did, right from the start."

Jim slowly ran his hand up from Blair's waist, up the back, over the shoulders, stroking his neck before burying them in the mane of hair that had dominated his fantasies. He slowly lowered his head down to Blair, who instinctively tilted his up. Their lips met again but this time there was no chastity involved. Tongues met and twined together, seeking out each other's taste. Eternity. Oneness. Togetherness. Fulfilment.

They broke apart, gasping slightly. A movement in the corner of Jim's eye caught his attention. Officer Walters stood watching the display. They both froze, realizing that he had been party to their first intimate moment. Walters gave them a conspiratorial grin and a thumbs up sign. Blair felt a blush start from his neck and work its way up to his hairline.

"Blair?"

"Uh huh?'

"Start the car."

"But Jim..."

"Just start the car."

Blair drove out of the parking garage and turned toward the loft. Silence reigned for a while, but soon the distraction of driving wasn't enough for the younger man.

"Jim...you do realize that we just kissed in the middle of the PD parking garage." Blair asked somewhat nervously.

"Yep."

"And that Walters saw us?"

"Yep."

"And that doesn't concern you?"

"Nope."

"Okay, where is the real Jim Ellison and where have you hid the pod." Blair shook his head, curls flying erratically about his face, trying to look at his partner while keeping an eye on traffic. "This is serious, Jim."

"Sandburg, the only thing that really concerns me at the moment is that I get you home and into my bed." Jim was pleased that he had had the desired effect on his partner. Blair had frozen, much like a deer that Jim had encountered once in his truck. It had jumped onto the road at dusk and had stared into the light, mesmerized yet terror stricken at the same time. Blair had the mesmerization part down pat. Jim was only slightly concerned by the fear. That he could deal with.

"Bed?" Blair managed to squeak.

"Yes, bed." Jim replied, taking pity on his partner as he elaborated. "To sleep, Chief. You only got about four hours last night what with the hospital and reports and all. You need some uninterrupted sleep. My bed is more comfortable than the futon."

Blair had many fantasies about getting into Jim's bed, but this wasn't exactly what he had been thinking of in any of them.

***

By the time they reached the loft, Blair was psychologically exhausted and Jim's legs were cramped from the narrow quarters of the Volvo.

Jim let them in and waited while Blair deposited his book bag in his room before latching onto his arm and pulling him toward the stairs.

"You know Jim, I didn't realize how eager you were to get me into bed."Blair teased as he allowed the older man to guide him up the stairs, Jim grinning at his wit. They stood by the bed, close enough to touch, yet uncertain as to how they ought to proceed.

Jim sat on the edge of the bed and held out hand. Blair took it demurely and seated himself beside his roommate.

"Why don't you take a nap while I go downstairs and make supper? How does chicken sound?"

"Yum. I feel like I could eat a horse."

"As much as I like to experiment, Chief, that's a bit beyond my limits."

Blair tightened his grip on Jim's hand as he began to stand. Jim looked down at Blair's face, which was studiously examining a loose thread on the quilt.

"Would you...would you stay? Just until I fall asleep?" He refused to look, up unsure as to how Jim would take the request and wanting Jim to feel comfortable about saying 'no'.

"Sure." Jim replied softly, kneeling down to remove Blair's hikers, giving his stocking feet a quick rub before urging him to lie back.

"Mmmmm. This is a *much* nicer place to sleep." Blair purred, stretching and revelling in the soft mattress. His futon simply couldn't compete with this.

Jim took a deep breath and tried to get a grip on his libido. *You don't want to scare him off. Remember...control.*

"Come on, get under the cover." Blair obeyed and curled up on his side under the quilt, stroking the sheet with one hand, tucking the other under his chin. Jim toed off his shoes and settled himself against the backboard. He could tell Blair was trying to take up as little space as possible, not wanting to infringe on the Sentinel's space. Jim would have none of that and pulled him up, resting the curly-haired head on his chest. Blair cuddled closer, enjoying the heat.

"This is nice. I like your sheets."

The innocuous statement caused Jim to chortle softly. He ran his fingers through Blair's hair, rotating his senses so that he wouldn't zone, massaging the scalp. He could feel the tension draining from Blair's body as surely as if he had pulled a drain. There was a peacefulness settling over them that Jim could practically see. Of course, he knew that he was being fanciful, they would have a hard road ahead of them, but together...together they could do anything, conquer
any problem, slay any dragon that threatened them. And it would all be worth it in order to have Blair at his side, as more than just a partner - as a lover. A lover. The thought sent a tingle down his spine.

Jim puttered in the kitchen as the chicken marinated. He was still floating on a cushion of contentment, relishing the memory of a sleeping Sandburg in his arms. Content to watch his partner sleep forever, he had been forced to extricate himself from beneath his slumbering guide
in order to have some food ready for when Blair awakened. The world had undergone a fundamental shift and all activities had taken on a new light. Everything was fresh and new. Even such mundane things as chopping vegetables. Jim shook his head with a wry grin. He never thought that he would develop a sense of wonder at the world. He had seen too much, done things that no human should have to do in the name of a country. Yet somehow none of that mattered. Blair loved him, was in love with him and that was all that mattered.

He extended his hearing and heard a wakening yawn from upstairs. He placed the chicken pieces into a preheated pan and began sauteing the veggies in another. By the time he was placing the filled plates on the table, socked feet were pattering on the stairs as a rumpled Blair stumbled into the kitchen, hair awry, looking utterly adorable.

"Go freshen up Chief. Dinner's ready."

With a barely audible mumble, Blair shut the bathroom door. Jim could hear him splashing water in the sink and cursing as his brush stuck in the nest his curls had become. Jim poured wine into glasses, lit some candles and surveyed his handiwork with pride. *Part one: The Wooing. Yes it's corny, but its *my* fantasy.* Jim had always wanted to pursue the object of his desire with showers of affection, but Caroline hadn't exactly been responsive to the pampering that Jim had offered. Blair on the other hand was a complete sensualist, reveling in emotion and, based his observance of his guide, Jim had concluded that Blair wanted a lover who was prepared to dote.

Blair looked at himself in the mirror. Nope...it was still him. *So why do I feel like I should be different?* He felt like he could have slept forever in that bed, but his stomach had had other ideas. The tantalizing smells had demanded his immediate attention. Opening the door, he caught his breath. The candles, the wine...Jim. He was waiting by the table, wine glasses in hand. Feeling horribly underdressed, even with Jim still in his rumpled clothes, Blair padded over to the table. They sat and in the comfortable silence ate and drank, reveling in each other's presence.

"Jim?"

"Mmmm?" The two men sat in front of the fire place, Blair sitting between Jim's legs, his back resting comfortably against Jim's chest.

"What are we doing?"

"Sitting." Blair snorted.

"I'm serious."

"Well, I'm holding my partner, enjoying the fire, wondering when I'll wake up."

"Me too. Wondering when I'll wake up, that is. I mean, since when do you invite me to sleep in your bed, serve me a candlelight dinner and sit in front of a fire with me, huh?"

"Since we've decided that the truth is much better than what we had been living." Jim answered, tightening his arms around Blair's waist. Blair ran his hands over the forearms that circled his belly and decided not to question what was happening. *Just let it go, Blair. Let it go. Man, I could sit here forever,* he mused, not wanting the evening to end. Silence had never been something that Blair had really revelled in, preferring chatter and conversation to tide along a relationship, but with Jim silence seemed so right, so natural, that to profane it with idle chatter seemed wrong. The logs popped as they burned, heat wrapping the two men in a cocoon of warmth. In the safety of his Sentinel's arms, protected from the outside world, and the inside terrors of half-remembered dreams, Blair slipped into sleep.

With a small groan, Jim hefted the dead weight of his guide into his arms and considered just dumping his precious cargo on the sofa, spending another night in the living room. But the trauma of the last two days, the pain of finding out about Dave's sentence and the joy of finding his soul mate convinced him that a good rest was needed and persuaded him that the stairs weren't *really* that high. Blair might not be very tall, compared to Jim anyway, but he sure managed to pack a lot of mass into that compact frame.

Blair shifted and murmured as Jim placed him on the bed.

"Do you want to get undressed?" Jim whispered near his ear. He nodded and snuggled deeper into the pillow beneath his head. Sighing, Jim indulged him, musing that this wasn't what he had in mind for the first time he undressed his lover. Leaving the plaid boxers on Blair, Jim stripped down to his own and slipped under the covers as well. Blair immediately moved to his side, half asleep. Jim turned down his sense of touch, not really prepared for the sensation of the soft furry hair that brushed against him, as they touched, skin to skin, for the first time.

"love you,"came the Sentinel soft whisper, drowsy with sleep. Jim kissed the end of Blair's nose.

"I love you too." He turned off the light on the night table and fell asleep, lulled by the sound of his guide's heart. *Beating for me,* he thought with no small amount of pleasure and a hint of possesiveness as he slipped into sleep.

******