Title: To Fight and to Hold

Author: Castalie

Rating: NC-17

Pairings: Jim/Blair

Status: Complete

Date: 07/16/03

Category: First Times

Warnings: none

To Fight and to Hold
by Castalie

"Excuse me?!" Blair blinked for a second. His hands frozen in mid-air over the keyboard of his laptop, he suddenly didn't remember what he was supposed to type. He frowned and let his arms rest over his lap, then he very slowly turned towards Jim. He couldn't have heard right.

Jim was still sitting on the couch, where he'd been watching the news. His left leg bent over his right knee, an arm resting over the back of the couch, the other holding a beer, he exuded calm and casualness. But the look in his eyes belied the quiet demeanor. He was staring at his stunned roommate with an amused and predatory smile. "You're more articulate than that usually, Chief. I said, I want to fuck you."

"Excuse me?!" Blair's eyebrow rose high. So he had heard right after all.

Jim smiled lazily, "What's the matter, Chief? We're two adults here, and you know you want it."

"Oh, really?" Blair asked, pretending to be curious.

"Of course you do," the Sentinel replied matter-of-factly, as if it was the most natural thing on Earth.

His Guide shook his head. "I can't believe you said that, Jim, I swear. I see your lips moving, but I can't believe it."

The older man rolled his eyes. "Blair, you're acting as if it came out of the blue. We've been dancing around each other for months now. I just thought one of us should cut to the chase, and I just decided I would do it. I don't want to wait anymore. I want you, Chief."

"You said what you wanted was to *fuck* me," Blair insisted, while trying to go for casual too. He sat back in his chair, his arms crossed over his chest, watching Jim like a hawk.

Jim decided to up the ante. He stood up and moved nearer the younger man. He stopped in front of him and loomed over his Guide. "Well, Chief, we're already living, working and spending most of our free time together. We already know each other outside the bedroom...I want us to know each other * inside* as well."

Blair narrowed his eyes. "And of course, you want to fuck my ass to achieve that."

The Sentinel started to growl. "Sandburg, you're starting to annoy me." Then he must have decided it wasn't the right time to get pissed, and he smirked at his partner. "And who would have thought you had such a foul mouth?"

It was Blair's turn to roll his eyes. "You think you're so funny, man. Let's get back to the subject at hand, okay? My wanting you to fuck me through the mattress, apparently."

Jim's smile was nothing if not feral. "With pleasure." He took another small step forward and planted himself even more steadily in front of his roommate, spreading his legs slightly.

The Guide craned his neck to watch his Sentinel. His lips turned into a thin line. "You know perfectly well I don't have any intention of sleeping with you. I told you that when I first moved in here and you agreed." He was very careful not to divert his eyes from his partner's. He didn't want the older man to know that the crotch in front of his face didn't let him remain as indifferent as he pretended to be. "We aren't each other's type."

The older man smiled at his Guide's attempt *not* to look at his crotch. He shook his head slowly, as if chiding a disobedient child. "That's not what was said at all, Chief. And smart as you are, you know it." He smiled knowingly. "I'm your type all right." He slowly bent toward his glaring Guide and whispered in his ear, "You like them bigger and stronger. Don't even try to fool me...or to fool yourself." He dropped his voice even lower. "And I know you like it rough...I still remember that first time in your office...do you remember, Blair?"

Blair didn't answer. He knew perfectly well what the other man was talking about. Their very first meeting in his office...not that they had sex, even if Jim's words and tone could be misunderstood that way. The truth was, they both remembered when the angry cop had pinned the younger man to the wall, and their reactions to it. Jim hadn't realized what his senses were capturing at the time, of course, but you didn't need to be a Sentinel to feel when a body was turned on. And Blair's body had definitely been excited by the rough treatment. Some weeks later, when Jim was able to use his sense of smell better, he remembered what his senses had unconsciously registered, the deep scent of arousal.

Suddenly Jim smelled something. He made a show of inhaling the air and leered at the still seated man. "Oh yeah, you remember, Chief, don't you? And I'm pretty sure you remember our talk as well. I wasn't convinced by your little act. See, Blair, I'm aware of your taste in men. I've seen your lovers and I know *you*." He straightened up, expectantly. He was curious to know what the younger man's next move would be.

Blair had finally had enough of playing the passive role in the little drama unfolding in front of him. He stood up and took a step toward Jim so that both men were practically touching. "You don't know anything, man," he said very quietly. "I'm not interested in your type, I don't want to have sex with you, and Jim," he reached a hand around the bigger man's neck, pulling Jim's head down toward his own face so that he was speaking in his Sentinel's sensitive ear, and whispered, "I am old enough to know what I want." Then his voice took a sulky tone. "If Mr. Happy wants to have fun tonight, he'll have to make an appointment with Mr. Hand, 'cos you won't touch me. Is that clear?" He let Jim go, and grinned smugly at him.

Jim grinned back. He wasn't deterred by that little show of defiance. On the contrary, he wasn't expecting any less from his partner. He bowed his head a little, as if accepting the terms of the game, and watched as Blair casually turned his back to him to move toward the kitchen. The Sentinel didn't say anything, but before the younger man was out of reach, he very deliberately let a hand roam over the retreating rear. He chuckled silently at the shudder the touch elicited, and silently went back to the couch.

The game was on.

*~*~*

In the weeks that followed, Jim's patience was tested to the limit. The Sentinel *knew* that Blair was interested in him. Even without using his enhanced senses, he was able to see the hungry look in the younger man's eyes, he was able to decipher the raw desire in his partner's voice, he could feel the heat in his Guide's body, but somehow, Blair restrained himself and never caved in.

Jim had realized very early on in their relationship that his roommate was far from being a blushing virgin. Blair was a very sexually charged being, aware of his own sex appeal-- the grad student knew how to use his looks, how to entice his audience, exactly like Jim himself. The young Guide was used to charming and seducing men and women alike, but more than that, he was used to being charmed and seduced by them. The older man's tactics had to take those little details in account. Blair as an opponent wasn't a lost little boy in need of someone to show him what love or sex with a man meant...far from it. Blair knew what he liked, knew what he wanted, and wasn't afraid of getting it-or at least, he wasn't afraid *usually*. Jim didn't understand what stopped Blair from admitting their mutual attraction for each other.

From day one, they'd been honest with each other about their sexual preferences. Neither man wanted to hide who they were, and neither of them wanted to risk living with a homophobe. They'd been brutally honest with each other from the word go and had talked a long time before agreeing to actually live together. From that day on, and even before the Sentinel/Guide relationship could evolve into the solid bond they now shared, they'd felt a kinship that made them very close. In the months that followed Blair's move into Jim's loft, they'd developed a very tight
relationship, which made them look like an old married couple in everyone elses eyes.

The truth was, they'd never slept together, they hadn't even *kissed*. They'd both been dating, men and women alike, although to be honest, there had been more men than women. They may have hidden their casual relationships from anyone at the precinct, but never from each other. Jim and Blair were the silent -and sometimes not so silent-observers of the long line of lovers who passed through each other's lives, but never stayed.

Then, one day, things started to change. Why did it change, or how exactly, was anyone's guess, but the thing was, the stream of lovers started to diminish for both of them. They still dated from time to time, but it wasn't the same. And they both started to really *look* at the other, as if they'd suddenly discovered some mysterious and attractive
qualities they'd ignored until then.

That's when the 'dance' began.

It was very subtle, so subtle no one could have even guessed at the changes between the two partners, but it was there...in them, in the air, just about everywhere. Jim could feel it, deep inside, and Blair, as hard as he tried to pretend nothing was out of the ordinary, couldn't really deny it either.

They'd been dancing around each other, in a discreet and obscure dance only they could understand. The steps were sexy and complex, the music sensual and mysterious... Jim had loved it, but now he needed to act on it, he needed to finish the dance-- the Sentinel wanted Blair to admit the real meaning of the whole thing. He wanted more than the easy companionship he already shared with his Guide. He wanted more than the gentle touches they exchanged. He couldn't stand to see the younger man going out with other men anymore...he couldn't stand the stench of those
strangers on his Guide's body. His Guide. His friend. His partner...*his*. He also knew he would be good to Blair, they completed each other, they were perfect for each other. Only Blair made his senses sing...why couldn't the younger man understand that?

Sometimes, it was as if Jim could already taste the younger man's skin, as if he could already smell his scent, hear his moans. The Sentinel already knew Blair, but his senses wanted more intimate proof of that. Jim wanted more, and fucking Blair had become his top priority. To hold him close, to feel his naked skin on his own, to touch him everywhere, to make him so hot the young Guide would think he would explode, to hear him whimper and beg for more, knowing only his Sentinel could make him feel so good... it obsessed the older man. It obsessed him even more that he knew Blair was also attracted to him. There was no doubt about that.

Jim knew things were good between them, even without adding that particular intimacy. Blair was, indeed, the only man he felt completely free and comfortable to be and live with. Their relationship was rich, affectionate, more than that. He wasn't ashamed to admit that it was already loving and intimate. Jim knew that. He never denied it, but he wanted more now. He wanted them to take that last final step.

He'd expected Blair to oppose him, to refuse his direct advances, but to be honest, he'd accepted the rebuff as part of the game. He loved his feisty Blair. What he hadn't expected, though, was the constant refusal, the tight reign his Guide seemed to have on his emotions. That had surprised Jim, indeed, and it worried him a little. The question was, had the game gone up a level or had it been abandoned altogether?

The Sentinel needed to understand what his best friend was -apparently-trying to tell him. Usually, the older man could read his Guide like no one else, he was like an open book to him -and vice versa of course-but Jim was out of his depth here. He just didn't understand the mixed signals Blair was sending him.

The Sentinel knew he had to stay calm, he mustn't let his worries get the better of him. If he'd learned anything since he started living with Blair, it was that he never should let his emotions control him. He knew only too well his violent reactions only had one result with his roommate: to make the younger man clam up for good. Oh, Blair could get angry at Jim, he yelled and gave him a piece of his mind when he thought his Sentinel had pushed the limits, but that never really fazed the older man. Granted, he didn't like to see Blair riled up like that. It was so far from his usual self that it could seem a little freaky, but what Jim couldn't stand was when Blair shut him out, when he retreated into himself. Give Jim a yelling and angry Blair and he could take just about everything his Guide wanted to throw at him, but make him face the silent and hurt version, and he was just totally lost.

Too often Jim had let his anger or his fear get the better of him, and each and every time, the one who'd been hurt was Blair. Each and every time. He didn't understand why he did it. Maybe because Blair was *always* there. No matter what happened to Jim, no matter what he did, how he acted, the only person who never left him was his Guide. Jim hated himself when he took it out on his young friend, but he couldn't control the raw emotions he sometimes felt, and he couldn't help that his target seemed to always be the grad student. He also knew Blair could take it. Sometimes, it felt as if the younger man could take everything Jim threw at him and would let it slide over him without consequences. Jim realized it wasn't completely true. You didn't need to be a Sentinel to see the hurt look Blair sometimes got in his eyes...but it disappeared so quickly that you could only ask yourself if you hadn't dreamed the whole thing after all.

Blair forgave, forgot and stayed, always... And Jim loved him for that.

So maybe, the physical attraction was just a small portion of what Jim felt, after all. Maybe he needed to show his Guide he didn't only want his body...but how could he do that? The Sentinel just wasn't good with words, he didn't always trust them. He liked actions better...you couldn't hide behind a gesture, his hands on Blair's skin wouldn't tell lies, ever...he needed to touch, to hold, to kiss to actually show his love. And then, afterwards, maybe he would learn to *say* the words. He'd already learned so much thanks to Blair, he could learn more, he knew that. But first, Jim needed his best friend to understand what *he* was trying to tell him as well.

And for that, Jim knew he had to push the issue.

*~*~*

The opportunity came several days later.

Friday evening was usually their favorite night of the week -- well, it was when they both had the weekend off, that is. Most of the time, that particular evening was quiet and relaxing. They could forget what had happened during the week, forget the last difficult case, the last lying witness, the last innocent victim. They could forget everything, and try to go back to just being two men with no lives depending on them, two men who didn't know that darkness was always waiting around a corner. They were just two friends, taking advantage of a quiet evening and getting ready for a free weekend, that was all.

That Friday evening, they had come home early from an easy day -which was a rare occurrence in Jim's job. They ate one of Blair's exotic and tasty meals, talked and laughed about everything and nothing. Then, they cleared the table and did the dishes together-- in a companionable silence this time, listening to a new CD Blair had just bought. They were now both relaxing in front of the TV, comfortably sprawled on the couch, their thighs and shoulders touching, as if they didn't have any personal space of their own, and couldn't have cared less.

Jim glanced at his silent Guide. The young man seemed to be following the movie, but without being too engrossed in it, so the Sentinel decided now was as good a time as any. They'd been dancing around each other again all week, as if things had never changed, even a little bit, and the Sentinel decided he couldn't take it any more. He turned slightly toward his Guide and went straight to the point. He didn't know any other way. "I want to know why, Blair."

The young man slowly turned his head, a big question mark in his eyes.

Jim was now staring at him, a serious look on his face. He repeated, "Why, Blair? Why won't you allow yourself to reach toward something you want! This little game is getting old. You know you want me, you know you want it all. Why can't you accept it!"

Blair sighed with irritation. He didn't need to be told what Jim was talking about, of course he knew. "Why? Because I know how men like you think. I know what you expect. You think I'll automatically go down on my
knees for you."

The Sentinel didn't reply immediately. He wanted his Guide to understand what he was saying, what he was proposing. He didn't want any lies or misunderstandings between them. "Are we back on that one again? I told you, I'm not saying you won't ever fuck *me*, Chief. I'll want you in me as well. But believe me," he couldn't help a knowing smile, "you'll like being on your knees for me..or on your back. I'll want to see your eyes when I'm deep inside that gorgeous body of yours."

Blair knew he should have felt anger at the liberty the older man was taking with him, but he couldn't help a little smile tugging at his lips. "We're pretty sure of ourselves, aren't we?"

Jim answered back, but his eyes turned serious, "I know we'll be good together. I know I'll be good to you. I'll make you happy."

The younger man shook his head, stubbornly. He wanted to show Jim he could be as willfull as the older man was. Blair was running the show, not the other way around. He wouldn't cave in. "I don't want to sleep with one of your macho men types any more. You're too much a control freak."

Jim sighed and rolled his eyes. "Now I'm a macho man because I can't help wanting to be buried in that tight and hot ass of yours?"

"Jim!" Blair glared at him.

The Sentinel shrugged unrepentantly, and absently apologized, "That's not being macho, Blair. That's just being sane. I'm only a man, after all."

Blair sent him one of his killer looks. He turned back to the TV and made a show of not looking at his Sentinel anymore. He spoke softly, "I won't put out for you. I won't give in."

Jim imitated his Guide, and turned his attention back to the screen. He answered in the same tone. "You will. And you'll beg me to fuck you. Cos you *know* I'll make you feel like you've never felt before."

Blair couldn't help smiling again. "Smug bastard."

"And don't you forget it."

Silently going back to the movie in front of him, Jim realized he had --once again-- expressed his 'lust' as opposed to his 'love', but couldn't decide when he'd lost the control of the conversation... a *very* short conversation at that ! He discreetly glanced at his irritating partner, and decided it was Blair's fault. His Guide knew him too well, and knew perfectly what button to push. Blair also had another advantage, he was a Master obfuscator, and knew all the tricks to distract his audience and to change the real subject.

Next time, Jim promised himself, *he* would be in control...and if it meant controlling his Guide, well, so be it.

After all, it was said everything was fair in love and war...

*~*~*

Alone in the loft, standing in front of the balcony with no lights on, Jim was deep in thought. All is fair in love and war..that's what he had decided to use as his motto, some five days ago, but was he ready to actually act on it? To face the reality? He thought he was...but Blair's reaction was the unknown quantity in this new 'mission' of his. How would the young man react? He would get pissed, that was almost a given. He would get a little shocked maybe... Jim guessed his Guide didn't expect his friend to actually pounce on him. But the Sentinel was starting to lose patience, and it felt like his sanity would become one of the first casualties in this damn war. All his thoughts revolved around Blair, during the days, and definitely during the nights.

The little shit knew all about it, he was sure. His Guide *always* knew what was going on inside his Sentinel's head, but in two weeks, he had never said anything. He merely stared at Jim as if he was a new and rare specimen that was impossible to understand-but amused him a bit. Blair had always had a stubborn streak in him, but his roommate was starting to really get the full benefit of it. Also, to be honest, he wasn't really used to the young man resisting him. Granted, Blair *always* made his opinion known, one way or the other, but overall, he let Jim do as he pleased on a regular basis-- it was just a part of the easy going young man's personality. It was as if he never really cared if Jim got the upper hand, as if he felt confident enough not to feel threatened by Jim's dominant personality. Until that day, Jim never really realized how much Blair allowed him to take the lead. And of course, he realized he never thanked him for that either. When he thought about it, the older man had to admit that Blair could be pretty insistent when something concerned his Sentinel's health or senses, but as far as *he*, himself, was concerned...well it was another matter altogether.

Jim shrugged inwardly. That was Blair all right. A study in contradiction. He had to face the truth, he was in love with a caring, beautiful, irritating, annoying, stubborn and brilliant young stud. He didn't know if he was turning sappy right here and there, but he definitely approved of the list. He knew said list was not exhaustive, but it would do. For now, he had to concentrate on what he planned on doing with Blair...or, to be more precise, what he planned on doing *to* him.

As he had told his Guide some two weeks ago, he'd decided to cut to the chase, once and for all. They couldn't go on like this. Dancing around each other, teasing, then retreating...it wasn't healthy anyway. For either of them.

Tonight, they would act like two adults and address the matter at hand. He trusted their friendship not to suffer from it. He trusted Blair to see beyond any misunderstanding that could result from the coming conversation... or was that 'confrontation'? Maybe the young man would give him a good thrashing, and then the silent treatment for a while, but Jim knew it wouldn't go beyond that, and things would go back to normal afterward.

The important thing was, they would both know where they stood, once and for all.

The Sentinel was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of an approaching, familiar heartbeat, almost immediately followed by the sound of the door being opened.

There was a brief moment of silence, then Blair called. "Jim?"

"Right here, Chief," Jim replied from his position in front of the balcony. He moved slowly toward the couch. "Don't put the lights on, please. Not yet, anyway."

"Okay," the younger man answered, uncertain. What was going on? Did something happen? Was it his mother?

Jim immediately heard the catch in his Guide's breath and understood what was happening at once. He quickly reassured his friend. "Everything is alright, Chief. Don't worry."

"Okay." The young man took his jacket off, and put his keys in the little basket for that purpose (how to say it?) He came near Jim, and stared at him, or tried to. The lights coming from the streets and the bright moon were helping him to decipher the older man's frame, but he couldn't really see his face. He squinted his eyes, but gave up. "What's going on, man? Are you aware that I don't have any enhanced senses? I'm asking, because, in case you wanted us to play at some game, I wouldn't want you to forget, you know? It wouldn't be fair for the little guy."

Jim chuckled "Nice, Chief. Evasive reaction even before knowing what I'm going to say. Pretty impressive, if you ask me."

The younger made a show of rolling his eyes, knowing the semi darkness didn't mean anything for the other man, and that his Sentinel was obviously watching his every move. For what purpose...he could only guess, but he was pretty sure he knew what his best friend was trying to do. It was yet another attempt at-what exactly? As much as he'd have liked it to be, he really couldn't call what Jim was trying to do an attempt at 'seduction'. So, how to describe it? Well... to him, it was just another attempt at making him give in.. Yeah, that was it. *How* the older man was going to achieve that was the real question, though.

Blair was curious, he had to admit. Jim had surprised him in those two weeks. The Sentinel hadn't really lost his temper, he'd never really tried to take matters into his own hands. He just insisted... insisted a *lot* granted, but overall, it felt like he let things slide. It wasn't really Jim's MO, actually, and it puzzled his Guide. A thought suddenly came to Blair's mind. Oh...maybe Jim had had enough, then....he must have realized it wasn't worth it...was that it?

The younger man couldn't help a flash of disappointment sneaking up on him. Well...it was what he wanted, right? For Jim to stop his advances, to understand that Blair wouldn't accept moving that last step. So why the disappointment, then? He knew why. It wasn't that he wanted to cave in... he just didn't want Jim to give up. And really, that was just plain stupid. *He* was just being stupid, and it had to stop.

Jim was staring silently at his Guide. He didn't know what the other man was thinking, but something really complex was happening in that beautiful head of his. The Sentinel knew it wasn't a good thing to let his roommate wait like that, the younger man was bound to have a very deep conversation with himself, which would probably end up being in total opposition with what Jim wanted. But he couldn't help it. He wanted to make the younger man squirm...well, hopefully he would have his Guide squirming for a completely different reason soon, but for now, it would do.

He caught a new look of determination on his partner's face and waited for him to talk.

"So, we're dropping the game, aren't we?" Blair asked quietly, confident he had found the reason for Jim's mysterious air tonight. Then he cocked his head to the side, as if suddenly thinking of something. He frowned slightly. "Or maybe it's your last chance. Like a 'make or break' situation, is that it?"

Once again, Blair surprised Jim. The older man didn't know why he could still be surprised by his Guide, the guy always knew how to throw him for a loop. He was one of the few who could...but each time, it made him wonder. Of course, Jim should have guessed his Guide would understand what tonight was about. The younger man always knew how to put two and two together and come up with four...then again, if he really put his mind into it, he could come up with way more. That was Blair Sandburg for you. Awfully smart and incredibly intuitive.

It gave Jim the opportunity to be totally honest with Blair, though. He didn't need to go in circles, after all. He would just go straight to the point. In other words, he would follow his original plan.

He took a small step forward and reached out his hand. He curved it around the younger man's neck and pulled the surprised man against him. He bent his head a bit, and whispered huskily into an attractive ear. "I can't hide anything from you, Chief, can I?" He nipped at the soft earlobe, smiling at the sudden catch of breath coming from the other man. "I'm going to make you admit you've been lying to me and to yourself all this time. I'm tired of the whole situation, buddy." He felt Blair stiffen a bit, and stopped any retreating movement his partner could make by squeezing the younger man's neck tighter. The hold wasn't painful, just insistent. He didn't have any intention of hurting his friend, of course. The older man just thought his Guide needed to be pushed in the right direction. He nuzzled the ear, then the neck. He inhaled tentatively, as if he wasn't really sure of having the right to try such an intimate gesture yet, but he wasn't rejected, and he couldn't help smiling at the sweet scent he was already smelling there. He had always known Blair would smell this good. Then he kissed Blair's cheek and temple, in an attempt to show the young man he didn't have anything to be afraid of.

Blair's body was still stiff. He didn't know what to do. To be honest, he felt pulled in two directions. The bigger man felt so good against him...his kisses and his touch were gentle, even though Jim hadn't asked 'permission' to initiate anything. He was feeling his Sentinel's heat already... and he couldn't help leaning a little toward the broad chest.

Jim smiled triomphantly when he felt his Guide relax a little and lean against him, even if it was still a little hesitant. He'd known he wasn't forcing himself on the younger man, but he still felt relieved to see Blair accept his touch and initiate some contact on his own.

He buried his hands in the younger man's hair and tightened his hold on them. Then, slowly but firmly, he pulled Blair's head back, and licked at the sexy lips. He didn't release his hold, attentively monitoring Blair's breathing to see if he was crossing some unwanted lines. But Blair seemed content to be held in that fashion.. His eyes were half closed, and he licked his lips slowly, as if daring his partner to bring on his next move. Jim shook his head at the tempting picture he had in front of him, smiling, but didn't wait. He put his mouth on his partner's and demanded entry. The younger man surrendered and let him take the lead.

Jim was in heaven. For the first time he was tasting his Guide, and he tasted so good... it felt like a wonderful rehearsal for what was going to happen just after. He explored the hot and moist cavity, his tongue danced and played with his Guide's, getting acquainted with the feel of his partner. He was smiling like a fool in the kiss and didn't care. He let Blair pull away a little, following the retreating mouth, and bit at his lower lip in punishment, then he licked it a little to soothe the sting away, revelling in the sexy smile his Guide offered him in return.

Both men was already breathing hard. The first kiss was always so exciting. It meant so much more, and was also the prelude of such a feast...with the right partner.

Jim's left hand kept its tight hold on the nape of the young man's neck, as the right started a slow exploration of his Guide's back...running along the spine sensually, and stopping at his ass. Jim cupped one ass cheek, and squeezed again. "I want you, Blair," he whispered harshly.

The younger man had yet to say a word. He was licking and kissing his Sentinel's neck. One of his arms around his partner's waist, as he let the other roam under Jim's shirt, over the broad chest. He pinched a nipple and followed a path until he cupped Jim's crotch. "I can see that, Jim. And apparently," he said almost dismissively, stroking the hard bulge, "you're intending to have me."

Jim must have decided he didn't like the petulant tone of his Guide. He pulled his head back a little roughly, and stared at the now serious face. He frowned. "Don't tell me I'm the only one who's turned on, Chief." He spread the other man's legs with his knee, and stroked his thigh against Blair's obvious erection, making the younger man squirm. "Are you trying to make me believe that kiss wasn't real? Or that this impressive hard one doesn't mean anything?" He rubbed a little more harshly. "Are you, Blair?"

"What can I say ?" the younger man hissed, sounding a little angry all of a sudden. If it was at Jim or at himself, he couldn't say. "I'm such a slut. You feel good, I won't deny that." He pulled away from the other man, or at least, as much as he was allowed to. Jim still hadn't released him, and it looked like he didn't plan on letting him go any time soon. "I didn't mean to lead you on, sorry."

Jim narrowed his eyes dangerously, "Sorry? Cut the bullshit, Sandburg! I'm still not believing a word of what you're saying." Things were definitely getting out of hand, and he was getting more pissed with every passing second.

"Yeah? Well, maybe you're too arrogant to accept what I'm telling you, did you think of that?" Blair asked with irritation. "Now, let go of me, Jim. We're both going to eat, relax, and tomorrow we'll just go on as if nothing happened, alright?"

"Shut up, Blair!" In a swift motion, Jim had the younger man sprawled on the couch, straddling him. Apparently, 'nice and easy' was getting him nowhere. Fortunately for him, Jim was never at loss at rethinking his strategy. He thought he was tired of Blair's lies and obfuscation before? Well, it was nothing near what he felt *now*. He grasped the younger man's hands in his own, and firmly placed them above Blair's head, effectively pinning him to the couch. He ignored the angry shout coming from his Guide, and didn't let himself be deterred by the squirming body under him. He just jerked his captive's hand twice to show Blair he wasn't going anywhere, and patiently waited until the other man relaxed.

"You are such a jerk, Ellison! Get off me right *now*!" Blair hissed.

Well, Jim thought, maybe 'relaxed' was too strong a word, but at least, his friend wasn't trying to make him lose his hold anymore. "I'm sorry, but I won't."

"Jim," Blair said, very quietly. "I don't want to hurt you, but I'll do it if you don't get off me immediately. Is that clear?"

The Sentinel smiled gently. "Chief, I know you can stand up to just about anyone, but trust me when I tell you, you won't win this round with me, alright?"

Blair pinned him with his stare. "You plan on fighting dirty, don't you?"

Jim didn't reply, just shrugged.

"You asshole. Don't forget, I could send you into a zone if I wanted to, Jim!"

It could have felt like a real threat if it had came from anyone but Blair, if the Sentinel hadn't completely trusted his Guide. Jim just smiled lazily, "You wouldn't dare, Chief, unless I was a real threat to you, and then, I hope you would. But that won't ever happen, so this discussion is moot."

His last comment was met by a dangerous silence. Sometimes, it was better not to say anything, and apparently Blair had chosen to follow that thought. He was glaring at Jim, his lips in a thin line, his eyes sparkling with something other than passion, but he didn't add anything. He discreetly tried escaping Jim's hold again, and seeing the other man wasn't relinquishing even a little of his control, he sighed softly. " I hope you realize how stupid we look right now, Jim," he said conversationally.

Jim couldn't help chuckling at that, but his eyes were still serious. He pushed his pelvis hard against Blair's, eliciting a gasp, followed by a moan from his captive. "I wouldn't use the term 'stupid' while talking about us, right now, Chief." He smiled ferally. "Although, I do have in mind to fuck you stupid, I must admit. So maybe you're not so far off base." He looked down at his Guide's body. "Look at you, Chief. You're trembling with need. Let go, for God's sake!"

The younger man closed his eyes, and swallowed hard. Jim didn't understand anything. But how could he, when Blair hadn't even talked to him, or tried to explain? He couldn't really be angry at Jim for being who he was, could he? And why did the man have to feel so good, anyway? He loved the weight of his Sentinel's body pressed against his own, loved the feeling of Jim's hands locked around his. What if he gave Jim so much more control over him? Would it be so bad?

Jim felt his partner's body relax under him, and smiled down at him. He bent down and kissed him softly, pressing harder, still. "You're finally getting into the program, Chief. Took you long enough."

"Don't really have a choice, do I?" Blair whispered, his eyes half closed, his body already arching in pleasure.

Jim chose to ignore the words and concentrate on the physical responses he was getting from Blair. The other man was enjoying this, there was no doubt. The picture of his Guide surrendering to the sensations he was feeling turned Jim on even more, if that was possible. He growled and latched onto his Guide.

Things quickly heated up. Jim decided he'd waited long enough to have his reward, and without even realizing it, he had them both naked and grinding against each other. Blair fit perfectly in his arms, and he felt so good... exactly like he'd imagined. The heat of his Guide's skin under him almost burnt him, but he couldn't get enough. Jim wanted more. He changed their position so that Blair was completely laying on the couch, and he spread the younger man's legs with his own, settling himself comfortably between them.

A small part of Jim's mind noticed that Blair had kept his hands above his head, even though the older man had released him when he'd taken their clothes off, and he *really* liked it. He wanted to feast on his Guide's body without any distraction, and Blair's position allowed him to do just that. He intended to take his time playing with his guide's hot body. But Blair's apparent submission also meant something else, and Jim understood it at once. His Guide was telling him, in no uncertain terms, to 'do his worst'. Since the older man hadn't stopped bragging, hadn't stopped telling Blair he would make him feel like he'd never felt before, he now had to prove himself.

Jim smirked. It was a challenge he didn't plan on losing. He touched every inch of the heated skin, licking it and savouring the flavor. He bit the already hard nipples, and played with the nipple ring, tugging at it. Blair jerked under him.

"You like that, Chief, uh?" He did it again, but decided he loved the taste of the skin better than the metal, so went back to attacking the other nipple. He licked it again to sooth the sting away, and smiled smugly when he looked at Blair's face. The younger man had his head arched back, and his eyes were dilated...he was sinking into a world of sensation and pleasure, and from the sight -and sounds of it-he was liking every minute of it.

"Still with me?" Jim asked, swallowing hard. He was breathing hard, and his cock was sending agressive messages to his brain that it wanted *more*. Jim needed to be inside his lover-lover... that was how he was seeing Blair now. Jim stopped thinking. The only thing that mattered right now, was the tight ass in which he wanted to bury himself.

But first...

He kissed Blair's nipples again, and trailed a wet path from them to the navel, his tongue passing teasingly over it, then he worked his way down until he was nuzzling his partner's cock. His hands came to rest on the younger man's hips, and he tightened his hold to stop him from arching up too much. He knew what Blair wanted though, and didn't make him wait. It was as much for his Guide's sake as for his own, he had to be honest. He licked the head lazily at first, and growled at the taste. He wouldn't take it slow after all, he needed to taste all of him.

Blair cried out when he felt his cock being swallowed. Jim had deep-throated him, and it felt as if the older man didn't plan on letting go. He sucked him like a pro. It was hot and moist, and it felt so fucking good. He tried to accelerate the movement by thrusting his hips up, but Jim had him in an iron grip, and all he could do was just lay there, and let Jim do as he wished. His febrile mind came to the conclusion that it suited him just *fine*, his Sentinel was playing him as if he'd always known him. He closed his eyes and abandoned himself to the pleasure.

Jim was having the time of his life. Having Blair in the throes of passion like that was even better than he'd imagined. The young man was *beautiful*, and so responsive, so sensitive to his lover's touch. It was as if they really were meant for each other.

The Sentinel didn't want to let go of his treat, but he wanted Blair to come while he was inside him, so when Jim felt that the young man was near the edge, he slowly stopped his sucking, and retreated slowly. He chuckled at Blair's protest. He kissed him again, and rubbed his face against his cheek. "Wait, Chief. I want you to come when I'm inside you. I promise I won't make you wait too long for it." He reached a hand to the floor, fumbling with something under the couch, and raised the lube triumphantly.

"You'd better not, Jim," the younger man gasped. "Because it could piss me off, you know, and you don't want that-oh, Jim!" Apparently his Sentinel didn't plan on waiting tonight. He'd already started with two demanding fingers in him. "I can't believe," Blair started, his voice raw from pleasure, "that you really have lube under the couch." He spread his legs as wide as he could in the limited space, and thrust against Jim's fingers.

Jim nuzzled his lover's neck while opening him. "Didn't you notice the whole evening was *planned*? I hid the tube here before you arrived. There's another one in the kitchen, plus the regular ones in my bedroom and, of course, yours."

Even though his mind was slowly being fried by the heat generated by their lovemaking, Blair couldn't help but laugh, "Oh God, Jim, I can't believe you did that."

"Believe it, babe," he said while fucking him with his fingers. "Believe it." Jim knew from one of their numerous -and kinda intimate-previous talks, that Blair didn't really need a lot of prep' before being penetrated, but the Sentinel couldn't lose the opportunity of doing such an intimate thing with him. He loved stretching his lovers in general, and since it was *Blair* he was fucking, he just couldn't not do it.

Blair knew why the older man was doing it so slowly, and loved him for it, but right now, he needed to feel his lover's cock deep inside him. He raised a leg and hooked it around Jim's waist, pulling the other man a little more against him. "I'm not some fucking virgin, Jim. Stop fussing and fuck me already!"

"Pushy bottom, uh? I knew it. I always knew it." Jim said, apparently very proud, as he positioned himself against his lover's entrance.

"Fascinating, Jim. But now, *fuck* me! "

"You asked for it, Chief." In a powerful thrust, he buried himself deep inside his lover, and stilled.

"Oh God!" was the only coherent thing Blair was able to come up with. He automatically relaxed to accept the new invasion, and squeezed to show his lover he was waiting.

Jim shuddered when he felt the tight heat of his lover's ass around his cock, and growled at the added sensation of Blair squeezing him from inside. "Be a good boy and stop that, babe. I don't want to come so fast."

"Then move already."

"I'll move when I'm ready, Chief," Jim said dangerously. "And you'll take it when I decide." He pushed hard again.

"Sure, Jim," Blair moaned.

Jim's next thrusts were excruciating, he chose a slow pace, almost withdrawing then impaling Blair again in a slow motion. Blair couldn't take it anymore. He was trembling from the anticipation and the feel of his lover's big cock torturing him from inside. "Are you punishing me for something, man?" he gasped.

Jim looked down at him, and bit the young man's lower lip. "Maybe." He kept the maddeningly gentle pace.

"You're punishing yourself too, Jim. You won't last long," Blair finally replied, sounding confident, even though the last word came out sounding like a needy whimper. He hooked his ankles behind Jim's taut back, wanting to show his lover he wanted a little more action, and that he wanted it *now*.

The Sentinel stilled completely. He reached his hands to Blair's, which were now resting on either side of his face instead of above, and he entwined his fingers with his Guide's. He loomed over the young man, and nuzzled an ear. He licked it, and blew some hot breath against it, making his willing captive shudder even more. He whispered, "You're right, Chief. I'm not going to last. Brace yourself for the ride, babe." He bit the earlobe and changed the pace, *finally* accelerating his thrusts.

Blair's relieved sigh was soon followed by harsh breathing, as he was being literally nailed to the couch. Jim wasn't playing now, it was time to stake his claim once and for all, and he didn't care how primitive it sounded. He rammed inside the tight and hot channel, fucking Blair faster and harder, taking his pleasure from the willing body and giving pleasure in return, revelling in the sense of love and intimacy he was feeling doing so.

He knew their release was near, but he pounded with all his strength, he wanted his mark to be imprinted on Blair's body, as well as *in* him. When he felt that Blair was at the edge, he changed his angle to hit the younger man's prostate even harder, and pushed him over. He bent his head and kissed him, swallowing his lover's cry, revelling in the fact that *he* was the one responsible for making Blair come. He felt the younger man's body go limp from the pleasure that had just been driven out of him, and knew he wouldn't last much longer either. Jim tried to delay the inevitable, but it was too much, and after several more powerful thrusts, he came inside Blair, branding him from within.

Breathing hard, their bodies slick with sweat, they didn't have the strength to move for the moment. Jim was still buried in his lover, and he decided he would stay there as long as possible. He also decided Blair's ass was his favorite place, and he intended to go there as often as he could. He felt his lover's legs unhook from around his waist and felt the loss immediately, but he just knew it wasn't the last time he felt them wrapped around him.

They didn't talk for several minutes, stroking and caressing each other's heated body lazily, letting themselves both wind down after the rush of adrenaline they'd just had. Jim, still inside his Guide, showered Blair's face with kisses, almost reverently. Blair was tenderly stroking his lover's back, drawing some complex pictures on it absently.

Some time later, Jim felt himself shrink inside his lover, and very gently, he pulled away. He didn't plan on letting the other man go, though, and he manhandled Blair so that the younger man was plastered against him, on his side. The couch wasn't the best place for post-loving cuddles... although the limited place gave them a good reason to almost crawl inside the other's skin.

"Thank you, Chief," Jim finally said, when his mind was again able to form coherent thoughts. "You were perfect." He kissed him on the cheek.

"I know, man," Blair smirked.

"Smug bastard," Jim replied, smiling, his mind back two weeks ago.

The young man looked up. "And don't you forget it."

"I don't intend to."

Jim shifted a little. "We should move, babe." He sniffed. "And as much as I like the smell of us both, I think we should wash a little."

"Nope. " Blair snuggled even more against his lover. "Not now."

"We'll be stuck," Jim tried to reason, even though he didn't put a big effort into dislodging his Guide.

"So be it, man."

"Your wish is my command, babe."

"'Babe', uh?" It was easy to tell that the young man was smiling. "A new nickname, already?"

Jim didn't hesitate. "Have something against it, Chief?"

"What if I had?"

"Well...answer this. When was the last time you succeeded in stopping me from using a nickname for you?"

Blair grinned. His hands were running slowly over his lover's chest. "Let me think." He narrowed his eyes in a show of fake reflection. "What about 'never'?"

"That's what I thought."

"Okay," Blair said softly. "'Babe' it is, then."

The older man heard the little hesitation this time. "Is there a problem, Chief?"

"No." His hands stilled.

Jim took it, and kissed the palm. "Tell me."

The younger man sighed. "Where are we going, Jim?" He let go of his warm nest, and sat near his Sentinel, who had no choice but to follow the movement.

Jim faced his Guide. "What do you mean?"

Blair waved between them. "This, *us*. Is it leading somewhere?"

"I sure hope so, Chief. What?" He frowned. "Do you think I just wanted to try the new flavor of the month?"

"I'm not kidding, Jim. I'm not talking about sending Christmas cards together, yet. I just want to know where we stand."

Since he was asked a direct question, Jim thought it was a good time to give his terms. "I want us to be exclusive. I want you to move upstairs. I want lots of things."

Blair nodded, as if he'd just received confirmation of something. "I see."

"'I see'?" Jim said harshly. "That's the only think you can think of?"

"What do you want me to say, Jim?" Blair shook his head. "You have so much control over me already. Now you want to add sex as well? That's a little too much to take in."

"Excuse me for saying so, Chief," Jim started dangerously, "but I don't think I was the only one having a good time earlier. And don't try to pretend what we did was just a casual fuck. Because it wasn't. We both know the difference." Then he realized what the younger man had just said. "And what do you mean, I have so much control over you?"

"Oh please! Don't look innocent. You know what I mean."

"No, I don't!" But it wasn't completely true, was it? Hadn't he come to the same conclusion just a few days ago? Time to be honest, then. "Okay...okay, Blair. Maybe I understand a little of what you're saying."

His Guide stared at him, expectantly.

"I guess I do have a tendency to do as I wish. I often have my way. But do you really resent me for that?"

This time, it was Blair's turn to be lost. "What are you talking about, now? First, I don't resent you for anything. Second...you don't have your way. I never *obey* you, Jim."

"What are *we* talking about then?" Jim exploded. "Aren't you speaking about my tendency to have the upper hand in our relationship?"

Blair rolled his eyes. "I *let* you do it, Jim. I don't have any problem with it. I don't care. There's a big difference. Plus, I already control so many aspects of your life with your senses, that I like the idea of giving you control of some aspect of mine. Is that clear enough for you? And you know, I have you wrapped around my little finger, anyway. You may not always like it, but it's the truth."

"I guess so," Jim replied carefully. Sometimes, talking with Blair was like walking through a mine field. He smiled inwardly. He didn't want him any other way. But it didn't stop him from being confused from time to time. Now was a perfect example.

"You guess so, " the younger man repeated. "I guess it's better than nothing." He smiled to take the sting out of his words. Suddenly he frowned, and looked at himself. "Man. I can't believe I'm having this kind of conversation stark naked."

"And *I* can't believe we're having any kind of conversation after such mind blowing sex," Jim replied, deadpan.

Blair blinked at him. "You're right. That's even more unbelievable."

"So why are we doing this?" Jim asked, none too gently.

"Because I need to talk about this!" his Guide snapped.

"So talk! You're always asking me to express my feelings, to express what I want." Jim realized he was shouting, but didn't care. They needed to sort this out, and he had had enough of tiptoeing around the issue. "Then tell me what you want! Do you want us to go back to being 'just friends'? Do you want us to forget what happened tonight? Do you want me to stop feeling so much for you? What?" He raised a hand in warning, his eyes angry, but expectant. He needed to know what the real issue was. He didn't plan on giving up, but Blair needed to help him. "And I don't want to hear any more bullshit. At least, admit the truth to yourself. What do you *want*?"

Blair suddenly stood up, and even his nakedness didn't diminish the power of his next words. He stared down at Jim, his head cocked to the side as if deciding whether the older man really was ready or not. He nodded to himself, and calmy said, "You really want to know? Okay then. Here's the truth. I want you to *fight* for me, Jim. Not to give up on me." This said, he stopped, and let Jim assimilate what he'd just confessed.

Jim stared back. He had to admit he admired his Guide. Only Blair could reveal such needs without feeling even remotely pathetic.

Blair shrugged dismissively. "No one ever really fought for me, man. No one. Not my lovers, not my friends," he smiled apologetically, as if he didn't really like what he was going to say, "let's be totally honest here, not even Naomi, even if she did the best she could." The young Guide wasn't crying, he wasn't whining or complaining. He was merely stating a fact. Blair never shied away from the truth. He was always strong enough to face reality, no matter what. "They always left me, or let me leave without a backward glance, as if they couldn't care less. I'm fed up with it. I want to count for someone....I want this," he waved his hand between the two of them, "to really count." Even though the words could have sounded insecure, they weren't. Blair was confident. He was just explaining to Jim what he was expecting from their relationship. He didn't seem angry, or lost. He was stating a fact, and hoped Jim would understand what he was saying. "I wanted you to fight for me because I'm fed up of just being disposable, unessential. That's what it was all about." He sat again, his eyes still not leaving Jim's face. "Well," he said quietly, "is it what you wanted to hear?"

The other man didn't immediately reply. He reached towards Blair and curved a hand around his Guide's neck. It was quickly becoming his favorite way of capturing the younger man. He pulled his partner towards him, and kissed him like there was no tomorrow. When they were both on the verge of passing out from lack of air, he let him go, and smiled at him. "Blair Sandburg, you're the most irritating, the most aggravating man, I'd ever had the pleasure to meet...and to make love to. I want everything with you, alright? I won't give up. I want it all." He caressed his cheeks tenderly."You were putting me through a test, then?"

"Of course not, Jim," Blair gasped, indignant. He didn't want his Sentinel to think he'd played with him. "I just wanted you to be sure. I would have hated for you to just want to fuck my ass with nothing behind it. No expectation, no feelings. I would have had to make you pay for that. And I didn't want that, of course. "

"Of course," Jim replied, smirking. It was official, Blair could be a devious little bastard when he wanted to. But the older man had to admit he wasn't totally wrong. "Unconsciously, you *were* putting me through a test," he said, confident.

"Unconsciously. Maybe, then," Blair conceded.

Jim looked at his lover seriously. "I never want to hurt you, Chief. Physically *or* emotionally. Maybe even less the latter."

"I know that, Jim. I wouldn't let you, anyway."

"Fine." He took his lover's hand in his own...kissing and licking the fingers. "Do you know where we stand, now? Do you agree with the terms?"

"The terms?" Blair's breathing was starting to sound a little harsh. Jim's touch was doing wonderful things to his cock, which had apparently decided it wasn't sleeping after all and wouldn't be averse to some more action.

Jim inhaled a little. Oh yeah, Blair was getting with the program again, which suited him just fine. He'd thought his cock had been down for the count after the pounding he'd given his lover, but he'd thought wrong, apparently. It was slowly rising to the occasion, so to speak. "Exclusivity." He sucked on the forefinger. "You moving upstairs." He licked the palm, then the wrist. "And lots of other things we'll discuss later."

"Sure Jim, " Blair gasped. He shook his head, and smiled smugly. "Know what, Jim? I think you forgot something."

"Really?" the other man answered absently, still busy feasting on the warm skin.

"Yeah, really." Blair said very softly. "I clearly remember you saying something about me begging you to fuck me, and also, what was it?" he made a show of trying to remember. "Oh yeah, you taking me on my knees, and me liking every minute of it. I didn't see it, man!"

"You little shit," Jim smiled. He literally pounced on his playful lover, and manhandled him so that his Guide was now positioned on all fours on the couch, his head dropped down onto a cushion between his elbows. The young man was laughing so hard, he didn't even realize what was happening until he was in position, his ass up in the air. He stopped laughing quickly, though.

Jim squeezed the ass cheeks roughly, making his lover moan. "Babe, this time, when I'm buried deep inside that hot ass of yours, I may not come out."

"God, Jim," Blair hissed with pleasure from the rough touch. "You sure know how to make a guy feel special."

Jim pinched him. "You *are* special, Blair... Don't forget it." He slapped a cheek "Now, I'm going to make you sorry for ever doubting me, Chief. When I say something...I mean it, and I'm afraid that tight ass of yours is going to remember the lesson." He covered his lover's back with his body and kisssed the bent neck. "I think I fought hard enough, Chief. Now it's time for my reward... and I don't plan on letting go. Ever."

Blair's answer was soft and muffled by the cushion, but they was meant for a Sentinel, and were heard loud and clear. "I'll hold you to that promise, Jim. I'll hold you to that."

Fin