Title: The Shaman Awakens

Author/pseudonym: Scorpio

Rating: R

Pairing: Jim/Blair

The Sentinel

Date: 11/7/99

Archive : Yes

Series: None.

Category: AU, romance

Disclaimer: All things Sentinel belong to Pet Fly Productions. I am not making any money off of this and no infringement is intended.

Summary: Post TSbBS. Becoming Jim's lover triggers some changes in Blair.

Warnings: While this is slash,... I've left the sex scenes off screen, so to speak... Minor smarm and warm fuzzies at first.

The Shaman Awakens

by Scorpio

Blair lay in the darkness of the loft. The feel of Jim's warm body spooned around him was utterly wonderful. He had loved the Sentinel with all his heart for so long that he couldn't even remember when it had happened. He had fallen in love, but he had never spoken of it, certain that his roommate would have rejected him outright. In silence beautiful he had suffered. Unknowingly, he hadn't suffered alone.

It still made Blair's head spin and his heartbeat race when he thought about it. Jim loved him, was *in* love with him. The Sentinel had also buried his feelings deep, certain of rejection.

It was only by accident that their deeply hidden feelings had been exposed. An old enemy of Jim's from his Covert Ops days had kidnapped the big cop to try and wrestle information out of him in regards to one of his missions. The information he wanted was classified Top Secret and was locked away within the Sentinel's mind.

Knowing that the ex-Ranger would never talk through use of force, the international criminal had used an injection of truth serum. Just as the powerful drug had begun to take effect, Simon, Rafe, Brown and Blair had burst into the room and rescued Jim. All that work and the only thing the renegade ex-CIA agent had to show for it was a federal arrest and baring witness to Jim's slurred declaration of love for Blair.

Now, two weeks later, after much talking and several intense make out sessions and one particularly amazing blow-job, they had finally consummated their new relationship. Blair had freely offered himself in the name of love, and Jim had claimed him, also in the name of love. It had been the most intense, mind altering, soul shifting, and sacred act that Blair had ever known.

Snuggling down in Jim's arms, Blair felt his love for the man as a physical presence within him. The Sentinel held him tightly, his steady even breaths tickling gently in his hair. Happier then he had even been in his life, Blair soon joined his lover in sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He was walking through the leafy green forest, enjoying the beauty which surrounded him. The breeze was lightly scented and the sun sparkled like jewels upon the dew drops. A feeling of great peace enveloped him as he walked to the meeting place.

Coming upon a clear running stream, Blair saw him. A smile of joy broke out upon his face. Calmly, the great silver wolf looked up from his drink and padded silently over to the human. Blair knelt before the spirit guide and gently ran his fingers through the silky fur. So soft, so warm, so vibrant.

The deep and loving voice of the silver wolf flowed like honey into the humans mind. No spoken words were needed, pure thoughts and images rolled through Blair, followed closely by understanding.

//The Test of Faith// ~Incacha passing on the responsibility of Shaman, sacred vows of the heart, the loss of a friend, a teacher, a beloved member of the tribe.~

//The Test of Life// ~Alex, the fountain, the passing over, the return to life at the call of his Sentinel, the rebirth.~

//The Test of Heart// ~The public knowledge of Jim's Sentinel abilities, the promise of reward, the denial of self, the gift of sacrifice, the rearranging of priorities.~

//Immortalizing the Bond// ~Declarations of undying love, promises of commitment forever, becoming one physically in the act of intercourse.~

//Four tasks set before you, four challenges met. You are ready to begin your true calling. You are now, and always will be Shaman of the Great City. Just as The Sentinel had met and conquered his challenges, so has The Guide. You are now complete.//

With a simple swift move, the great silver wolf leapt towards Blair's chest. He did not fall to the ground crushed beneath it's weight, instead, he felt a burden lift as the spirit guide merged with him. Suddenly, he understood.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jim was jolted awake when Blair suddenly sat straight up in bed. His heart was beating fast and his eyes were open wide. Instantly alert, the Sentinel opened his senses and scanned the loft, searching for whatever had startled and frightened his mate.

Finding nothing out of place in the loft or around the building, Jim turned to Blair. The younger man was shaking slightly. Reaching out, he gently rubbed his hand in a slow circle low on Blair's back.

"Blair,... Angel,..." Jim scooted over a little closer, pulling Blair's back up against his chest. "Blair what's wrong?"

Blair glanced around the loft, still a little wild around the eyes. Slowly, he took in a deep breath, then let it out again. He almost seemed to melt against the larger man.

"Only a dream..." He whispered. "It was only a dream... It just,... it seemed *so* real somehow."

Jim leaned back into the pillows, drawing Blair with him. The smaller man turned and cuddled up close, tucking his curly head under the Sentinels chin. Still rubbing tender circles on Blairs back, he tried to radiate calm and security.

"Shhhh,... Chief, it's okay. You are with me and you're safe. Nothing is going to hurt you now."

"It wasn't really a nightmare Jim. It wasn't scary, it was,... well, intense."

"Why don't you tell me about it, huh?"

Blair did. He spoke of the spirit guide, the tasks, and the declaration of his worthiness to be a Shaman. He couldn't quite remember all of the details, only the basic idea behind them. He remembered that he had understood what it all meant when the wolf had merged with him, but he felt it slipping away again.

Finally, he had finished. They lay there in the dark, in each others arms silently. Holding, caressing, comforting, the two men slowly drifted off to sleep once more.

PART TWO

He awoke slowly. His awareness slipped into his mind little by little, gently caressing him further into the morning light. He was content, happy, and not alone.

His head was pillowed on Jim's chest. The solid muscle and warm skin throbbed ever so slightly with the beat of his heart. The sound was very deep and very quiet, but Blair could hear it and feel it as he rested his head directly above it. A tender smile lit his features when he thought that this is what his lover could hear from across a crowded room. The rhythm of life.

The feeling of Jim's body stretched out under his was exquisite. Waking up in his Sentinels arms was like coming home. Blair never truly understood what that meant, until now. Home would forever be within the circle of Jim's loving arms.

His emotions were running very deep, very profound. His happiness was consuming. It was almost overwhelming and Blair suddenly felt as if he needed to distract himself to keep from crying. Slowly, tenderly, he turned his head and kissed Jim's chest over his heart. Snuggling down against his true love, Blair felt Jim begin to stir.

(confusion)

Blair felt Jim's hand twitch slightly and then his fingertips gently touched him on his lower back.

(recognition)

Slowly, those fingertips traced a path up along his back to tangle in his curls.

//Thank God it wasn't a dream.//

"No, not a dream Jim. I'm really here. I really love you."

(love)

"Good morning My Heart."

"Good morning Lover."

(happiness - delight - joy)

Blair began to rain soft kisses on Jim's chest and slowly trail them upwards until he reached the bottom of Jim's chin. Leaning up on his arm slightly, Blair touched his lips to Jim's with the tinniest of pressure. Just a light brushing of skin to skin.

"I love you." he whispered Sentinel soft.

Pouring all his love into that one act, Blair deepened the kiss. Taking his time so he could enjoy the feel of Jim's soft satiny lips, Blair tasted his lover. He gently nipped and licked and stroked Jim's mouth with his own. It was tender, passionate and slow.

(love - ecstasy - completion)

//Oh God. I would live for his smile and die for his kiss.//

"No need to die Lover. My kisses are yours. Only yours."

(slight confusion)

Blair kissed Jim again. He almost swooned when the older man wrapped his strong arms around him and held him tightly. Being in Jim's arms was the place Blair had yearned to be for so long, and now his prayers had finally been answered.

(hunger)

"What would you like for breakfast? How about some French Toast and turkey sausage?"

(amused delight)

"Yeah. That's sounds great Angel."

"Good. You jump in the shower and I'll make us breakfast. Okay?"

"Okay."

Blair gently kissed Jim one more time and then slid out of the bed. He tossed a huge smile over his shoulder at his lover before bounding down the steps nude.

(desire)

With a grin that looked suspiciously like a smirk, Blair bounced into the kitchen and began to make breakfast.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

three hours later...

"Ellison."

"Jim! Thank God!"

"Blair? Where are you? What's wrong?"

"Look, I know that you're busy and all and that you have to work on your cases, but..."

"But nothing Blair. What's wrong. Your heart in racing."

"I,... I think,... Jim, I think I'm going crazy man. I mean,... like,... really *losing* it."

"What do you mean? Where are you?"

"I mean there are all these voices and I can't make 'em stop. They are *so* loud. No one else can hear 'em. I asked and scared some people. They had like, no clue what I was talking about. Jim, I'm big time freaked out here."

"Whoa, slow down Chief. Where are you?"

"Glesson Grocery Market."

"Okay, meet me out front. I'll come get you right now. Don't worry Chief, we'll figure this out. I promise."

"Okay, okay. Cool. Um,... thanks man. I know this sounds like *so* bizarre and all, but,... Hell, it *is* bizarre, but it's scary too, ya know."

"Yeah, Sandburg, I know. I'll be there soon. Don't worry."

PART THREE

Blair nearly sobbed with relief when he saw Jim's truck pull up outside of Gleason's Market. Grabbing his packages he began walking over to the truck as fast as he could. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest, and he knew he was only moments away from a full blown panic attack. Yanking open the door, Blair shoved the bag inside and hurriedly climbed in after it.

(worry - confusion - love)

"Jim man... please, just take me home, okay?"

"Sure Sandburg."

(fierce protectiveness)

Blair leaned back in his seat and squeezed his eyes tightly shut. The voices seemed to be quieter suddenly. They were still there, just muted somehow,... shoved to the background. He heaved a sigh of relief. He forced himself to relax slightly and focus on his lover.

(worry - love - confusion)

"So. Chief. Wanna tell me about these voices?"

Blair considered that question seriously. He was frightened and confused himself. There didn't seem to be a logic or a pattern to it. Still, maybe if he described it to Jim, *he* would see a pattern. It was worth a shot, anyway.

"Well...it's weird Jim. It's like I can hear people talking, but no one is saying anything. Like, at the Market, right... I could hear people talking about the selection of fruit. But it wasn't a conversation, ya know? Like, there were two distinct voices, but they weren't Having a real discussion. One voice was talking about the ripeness of the kiwi's and another was complaining about the price of the oranges. I looked around and there's two ladies in the fruit section with me, but they're both not making a sound. Jim man,... I thought maybe I was hearing ghosts, ya know, but what ghost would haunt the grocery?"

Blair glanced over at his Sentinel when the man made a bitterly amused snort. Blair raised an eyebrow, not sure if he should be offended or not.

"What?"

Jim glanced over at him quickly before turning back to watch the road.

"It just sounds like... Well, it sounds like what *I* went through when my senses first started becoming hyperactive. I mean, my hearing at least. I would hear things and have *no* explanation as to what they were or why I could hear them."

Blair sat up straighter and stared at Jim with bright blue laser eyes. An excitement built up inside him.

"You mean that maybe this has something to do with the Sentinel/Guide thing and I'm *not* going crazy? I mean, that would be such a relief, ya know?"

Blair frowned then as a thought occurred to him.

"No... that *can't* be it. Jim man, I *didn't* hear the voices with my *ears*,... they were, like,... in my *head*."

Blair sighed. It was frustrating. He wasn't quite sure how to describe what had been happening and he wanted Jim to understand. He wanted to figure this out,... and he most definitely *didn't* want to end up in the mental ward.

(worry - curiosity - anxiety)

"Uh... has this,... voice thing, happened anywhere besides in the fruits and vegetable section at the Market?"

"Yeah. It happened all over the store. It's happening now. But,... it never happened before today, if that's what you mean."

"Now? It's happening now? What do you hear? What are the voices saying?"

"It's hard to describe. It's not the same as it was in the store. *There* it was full sentences,... complete, ya know? *Now* it's cut off phrases, uncompleted somehow."

(strong curiosity)

"Like... I hear a male voice... something about traffic, I think. And a female one... reading an article on some movie star. Oh... someone else is talking about what sandwich to buy."

//Oh God. It's just like Sentinel hearing. Poor Blair. It's so hard living with hyper senses. I hope he can adjust okay.//

"Jim... don't worry. If we find that it *is* hyper senses,... I *will* adjust. *You* did, right?"

(amazement - fear - shock)

"What? Jim,... Man, what's the matter? Hey! Jim! Don't zone out while driving, man! Jim!"

Blair watched as Jim blinked, shook his head and began to look around almost frantically. Without any warning, the Sentinel pulled the truck over into an empty parking spot and turned in his seat to stare at him. Blair shivered slightly as Jim locked his sky blue eyes on his own.

"Blair,... I want you to focus on me for a minute. Call it a... test. Like you do with my senses. Okay?"

"Uh... Sure Jim. Whatever you say man."

Blair watched as his lover closed his eyes and got a look of extreme concentration on his handsome face.

//I LOVE YOU BLAIR//

Blair jumped as if he'd been poked. His mind was a swirl of confusion and chaos. His emotions were a jumbled mess and he felt as if he might faint. Slowly, Jim opened his eyes and looked at him. The Sentinel reached out and gently ran one elegant hand along the side of his face.

"Blair?"

"I uh... I love you too Jim."

Jim's blue eyes got real wide and his face betrayed his shock before he got it under control again. Blair could feel himself begin to shake and a flash of denial rushed over him.

"You... uh... you *heard* me?"

"Yeah Jim. I,... um... I heard you. Loud and clear."

(amazement - worry - love)

"Blair,... I... I *didn't* say it out loud. I,... um... I *thought* it, but I didn't *say* it. Yet you still *heard* me."

"Yeah Jim. I know."

"And these voices you've been hearing..."

"Yeah. I think they're the thoughts of the people around me."

"But... *how*?"

"Jim, I... I honestly don't know."

A fragment of his dream came back to him then. Clear as day, the city fell away and was replaced by a lush green forest. In the shade of a tree sat a large wolf with wise eyes.

//Shaman of the Great City// ~There are many skills and gifts given to a true Shaman. And with great power, comes an even greater responsibility. A Sentinel's senses take refuge in his Guide. A Guide's emotions take refuge in his Sentinel.~

Blair felt a warm gentle hand stroking his cheek and a soft voice whispering in his mind.

//Blair. Love. Come back. Wake up Angel. I need you.//

As smoke before a wind, the forest dissipated and Blair looked into the sky blue eyes of his true love.

"Jim?"

(relief - love - worry)

"What happened?"

"If I didn't know any better,... I'd say that you just had a zone-out Chief. But that can't happen,... can it?"

Sky blue eyes meet ocean blue eyes. Blair felt a shiver travel along his spine as all the implications hit home. His hands clutched at Jim's jacket and he pulled himself into the comforting circle of his lover's arms and trembled.

PART FOUR

Blair sat huddled on the couch with a mug of steaming tea in his hands as he watched his beloved talk on the phone to Captain Banks. Jim was calling to tell Simon that he couldn't be in the rest of the day. He felt guilty about pulling his love away from the job, but he was too upset and disoriented to argue. He needed his Sentinel to be there with him.

(frustration - annoyance)

Blair felt the emotions roll over him from the outside. Now that he was slightly more calm and centered he could recognize them as not being his own. Okay, he *wasn't* calm per say, it was more of an awareness of what was happening to him. So while he was still off- balance and upset, at least he wasn't panicking.

He tried to tune out everything else around him and focus on those emotions. They weren't his, but he could feel them,... almost share them.

(frustration - worry - protectiveness)

With a little gasp, Blair realized that they were Jim's emotions. He could tap into and share his lover's feelings as well as his thoughts. It was a frightening thing.

His mind wanted to take off racing in several different directions at once, yet the shock of the whole situation left him too dazed to truly do anything. The scientist in him was excited. He knew he needed to do research and tests. He had to find out what the limits to these new abilities were,... hell, he had to totally define *what* abilities he had. The Guide in him was thrilled at the opportunity this presented to get to know and understand his Sentinel better. He could see how this could bring them closer together, to help cement their shared bond. The Shaman in him was awed by the sheer responsibility he had now. He was in the care of peoples thoughts and emotions. He was privy to information that no one else could ever have. He knew that he could and would invade people's privacy in ways that seemed impossible. The man in him,... Well, the man was frightened. It was horribly overwhelming and he suddenly *knew* why Jim was so afraid that someone might find out about his sensory abilities. Being labeled a freak of nature and dragged off to some government research facility to be studied didn't seem so far-fetched any more.

He was pulled from his thoughts by a warm hand on his shoulder and a strong sense of emotion washing over his soul.

(love - worry - trust)

"Hey Chief. I spoke with Simon. Told him I couldn't come back into the station today. He wasn't too happy, but I told him it was a Sentinel thing and he didn't push too hard."

"Thanks man. I don't think I'm ready to do this alone. I mean,... I know this is a total imposition on your time an all, but I gotta tell ya Jim. I'm more than a little freaked out here."

Jim shifted a little and drew Blair in close and wrapped his arms around him. Blair relaxed as the love and tenderness that the Sentinel felt for him washed over him in a warm wave. With a sigh, he put his tea on the coffee table and tucked his head against Jim's neck and just held on tight, letting the steady comforting presence of his lover soothe his rattled nerves.

(love - devotion - tenderness)

Blair could feel Jim's hand trace a slow circle along his back and soft whispered murmurs caressed his ears. Feeling his body and his mind settle and calm, he let his mind wander, turning over the events of the day. Analyzing them, studying them,... trying to understand what it was that was happening to him.

Starting from when he first woke up there had been a sort of connection with Jim. He realized that he had been 'hearing' Jim's thoughts and 'feeling' Jim's emotions since the strange dream. Blair figured that he didn't become actively aware of it since it began in his sleep and he was so in tune with the Sentinel anyway, that it had seemed normal enough.

It wasn't until he got out in public that he had noticed that something was wrong. He had been broad-sided by so many conflicting thoughts and feelings that it had left him feeling dizzy, scared, and even slightly nauseous. However, as soon as he had gotten in the truck with Jim, the voices had faded. They didn't disappear,... they just floated into the background to make room for Jim. Suddenly, he remembered what the wolf had told him when he had zoned.

"Jim..."

"Yeah Chief?"

"Ya know how when your senses get to be too much you like to try and focus them on me?"

(confusion)

"Yeah?"

"Well,... I think that works with my... whatever this is."

(curiosity)

"What do you mean?"

"When I was at the grocery store it was *real* bad. I was, like, totally overloaded with all these voices, and I couldn't make 'em stop. Then, when you got there and I climbed in the truck... well, the voices faded. They didn't *stop*,... they just weren't as loud, ya know?"

(surprise - curiosity)

"Well, if it's a Guide thing, then it *does* make sense in a way. I mean, you are almost like,... I don't know,... an anchor for my senses Chief. If you need an anchor for this... whatever, it seems like it *should* be me. Sorta like a ying-yang. One needs the other for a... touchstone, I guess."

Blair blinked. Sentinel instincts always surprised him, but he had learned to accept them as fact. Unusually because when Jim had these flashes of intuition, it usually made things click together in his mind. And right now, he found himself on the edge of an epiphany.

"Yeah. Yeah,... like a symbiotic relationship. Sentinel and Guide. That makes a lot of sense. It also sounds like a part of my dream."

(curiosity)

"What about your dream?"

"Well, the wolf. I think he was trying to tell me that we are a team. A true joining of equals. Different, yet connected somehow. Like we were two people,... one soul."

(love - amusement - tenderness)

"I already knew that Chief."

Blair smiled against Jim's shoulder and he cuddled closer. His smile faded as a thought occurred to him. He pulled back to look his lover in the eyes.

"Uhh... Jim. There's something else."

(worry - curiosity)

"What?"

"I can hear your thoughts. I can also feel your emotions. I can't really control it. Sometimes it's strong,... sometimes it's weak... but it's *always* there. Umm... I'm sorry man. I... I can't control it. I know that doesn't give you, like, *any* privacy at all. If you... uh... if you want me to leave, I'd understand."

(fear - confusion - possessiveness)

"No! Don't leave Blair. We'll work this out. I... I don't want you to leave. I... I love you."

"But... I can hear your *thoughts* man! I'm in your head! Doesn't that bother you?"

"Chief... *you* have no privacy with me either, ya know. I am a Sentinel. I can hear your heart beating from across a crowed room. I can feel your body temperature without even touching you. You can't keep things from me, because me senses won't allow it. This privacy thing is like that."

"Yeah, but..."

"Blair,... I love you. It's okay. We'll figure it out."

"How?"

"How did we figure out my senses?"

"Research, testing and practice..."

A light went on in Blair's head. Suddenly, he understood what Jim was trying to tell him. Snuggling back into his lovers arms, he felt his fear and panic drain away. He could do this. With Jim at his side, he could learn to control these... gifts. They would each just have to have patience and faith.

"Jim..."

"Hummm?"

"I think we should go to the Library and do some research on telepathy and empathy. Ya know,... just to get some ideas on what we should do next. What direction to take."

"Good idea Chief. Good idea."

Blair pressed a gentle kiss against his Sentinel's neck and sighed in relief. It was good to know he wouldn't be alone in this. It was frightening, but with his lover at his side,... he could do this.

The end