Title: The Nearness of You

Author/pseudonym: Tinnean

Fandom: The Sentinel

Pairing: Jim/Blair

Rating: NC-17

Email address: Tinneantoo@aol.com

Disclaimer: Last time I looked, they still belonged to Petfly. Which is why that was the last time I looked.

Status: new/complete

Date: 2/02

Series/Sequel: no

Other Web Site: http://www.angelfire.com/fl5/tinnssinns

Archive: OK, I surrender. Yes to all the list archives. (I'm so easy!)

Summary: In spring, when a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love, Blair Sandburg meets someone who challenges his belief that he is not a candidate for a long-term relationship.

Warnings: AU, m/m, language

Notes: ### Indicates a change of POV. Buegged, if I recall correctly, belongs to the charming and always lovely Soupy Sales. This first appeared in the MME zine, The Many Seasons of Love. This is dedicated to the wonderful ladies of MME who constantly awe and amaze me, and to Rayden in hopes the sun will come out tomorrow. Major thanks to Patt for suggesting this story could go in the zine, and to Gail for the fantastic beta.

The Nearness of You
by Tinnean

It was spring, the season of weddings.

I looked at the invitation in my hand. Naomi was getting married again. This made, what? Six… no, seven times. And none of them had been my father.

Whenever I asked Naomi about him, she’d get this faraway look in her eyes. Then she’d laugh and mention Timothy Leary. I could never tell if she was serious or not.

I knew I wasn’t the best candidate in the world for a long-term relationship, but more than anything in the world, that’s what I wanted.

The door to the spare bedroom was ajar, and I glanced in to see my current roommate sprawled across his bed. Cigarette smoke clung to the clothes that were tossed casually all over the floor, as well as some cheap perfume that caused me to wrinkle my nose.

He wasn’t bad as far as roommates went. He paid the rent on time (mostly), didn’t bring strange girls back to the apartment (if he was sober enough to remember I didn’t like that), and was so heterosexual I didn’t have to worry about him making a play for one of the few, the very few dates I brought home.

I tapped the invitation thoughtfully. If I didn’t bring a date, I knew Naomi would drop everything, even her honeymoon, to see I was fixed up with someone. She’d done that before, with disastrous results.

I came to a decision: I’d talk Kirk into going with me. I’d pretend to Naomi that there was more between us than there was. And I wouldn’t say anything to Kirk about his supposed position in my life.

If I was really lucky, by the time Naomi realized it was a ruse, she’d be on her way to Hawaii and unable to meddle in my life.

####

Whose idea was it to get married in a restaurant, anyway?

I looked across the room at the woman my uncle, Rucker Ellison, Sr., had just promised to love and cherish. She was smiling up at him with impish glee. My uncle stood beside her, his mouth curved in an equally happy grin. I almost expected to hear him shout, "Top of the world, Ma!"

My cousin, who was also Rucker, had been worried about him. After Aunt Bette had passed away, his father had seemed headed in a downward spiral. Now Uncle Ruck looked as if he had the secret to world peace in his grasp.

I was pleased for my favorite uncle. Wherever he had found Naomi Sandburg, it was obvious that she was someone who lit up his life. I began examining the little placards that were set at the tables. As part of the immediate family, I didn’t expect to be too far away from the happy couple.

"Hey, Jim, how’s about a smile?" My friend, Simon Banks, was photographing the wedding. He was a professional, who pulled down mega bucks for an hour of his time, and this was my wedding gift to Uncle Rucker and his bride. I pulled a face. Simon popped up from behind his camera and frowned at me, and I stretched my lips in a faux smile. He knew I hated having my picture taken, and after he snapped it he wandered off to do some candid shots.

I was about to reach for a small square of cardboard when another hand collided with mine. "Sorry." I glanced over with an apologetic smile, to find myself snared by a pair of deep blue eyes.

"Not a problem, big guy. I’m just trying to find where my mom put me. She’ll ignore the etiquette of wedding receptions totally and seat me wherever she feels like it! Ah! Here I am! Blair Sandburg, son of the bride."

I glanced at the name on the place card beside it and chuckled. "Looks like I’m right next to you, Blair Sandburg." I extended my hand. "Jim Ellison, nephew of the groom." His hand was smooth and warm, and I felt a tingle of electricity arrow right to my groin. Down boy! I growled to my cock in surprise. This had not happened to me in a very long time!

"Nice to meet you, Jim." He pulled out his chair and sat down, looking around with curiosity. "Oh, my."

"What is it?" I took a couple of glasses of champagne from a passing waiter and seated myself. I handed one to Sandburg.

"Thanks, Jim. Looks like the seating arrangement got messed up. It should have been boy, girl, boy, girl and here we are, boy, boy."

"‘S all right by me, Chief. That Emily Post stuff doesn’t mean anything to me."

He smiled, and I almost swallowed my tongue. He had the sweetest smile. I wanted to run my tongue over it and taste it.

"Jimmy!"

I flinched. "Yes, Carolyn?"

"I didn’t get any champagne!" She pouted, then leaned forward to smile at the bemused face on my left. "Jimmy would forget his head, if it wasn’t attached to his shoulders! Hi, I’m Carolyn. His girlfriend!"

For a second I could have sworn he looked disappointed, but when I blinked his expression was smoothly blank. "Nice to meet you, Carolyn. I’m Blair."

I flagged down a waiter and got my girlfriend her champagne. And wondered, not for the first time what ever had possessed me to get involved with someone whose bust size exceeded her IQ.

Carolyn’s eyes widened, and her mouth dropped open. Trust me, an extremely vacuous expression. I turned my head to see what had captured her attention.

Seating himself next to Blair was a blond god. My heart sank to my shoes. There was no way I could compete with that! His shoulders looked like they went from here to eternity. His hair was like spun gold, and his eyes were… Christ! They were violet! You’d have thought he was Elizabeth fucking Taylor !

Blair shifted away uncomfortably. "Um, Jim, this is my…my roommate, Kirk. Kirk, this is Jim Ellison. And his date, Carolyn."

She sat up straighter and threw her shoulders back, which thrust her bosom out prominently. The blond’s gaze zeroed in on my girlfriend’s breasts. I thought he would start to drool at any second.

Blair’s eyes cut to mine, and he blushed. "Kirk!" he hissed under his breath. "That is so uncool!"

Kirk gave him what I imagine he thought was a playful poke in the shoulder. To me it looked an awful lot like a punch. Not my business, I warned myself. Do not reach down his throat and rip his lungs out!

"So, Jerk, have you known Blair long?" I asked innocently instead.

"Kirk! My name is Kirk!"

"Isn’t that what I said?"

"Oh, Jimmy! You’re so silly!" Carolyn laughed, and I flinched. Nails on a blackboard, if you know what I mean?

Sandburg gave me a small smile, half sympathetic, half apologetic. I wanted to ruffle his thick hair and tell him it was all right, that if he’d ditch his date, I’d ditch mine.

There was a musical tapping of a knife on a water glass, and silence fell over the small gathering. My brother Stephen, who had been chosen best man because our cousin Rucker was out patrolling the coast and hadn’t been able to make his father’s wedding, was beside our uncle. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you’ll stand and raise your glasses? I know we’re all hungry, so I’ll keep this short. I’d like to welcome Naomi to our family. I hope she’ll be as happy with us as I’m sure we’ll be with her. To Naomi and to Uncle Rucker. A long and happy life!"

There was a thundering of applause, and shouts of "A long and happy life" offered as well. Before everyone started to guzzle he continued. "Don’t take your seats just yet. I’d like to also introduce our new cousin to everyone. Welcome, Blair!"

Blair gave a little bow acknowledging Stephen’s words and held his glass high. "To Naomi and Rucker. May they live as long as they want to, and may they want to as long as they live!" He blew his mother a kiss. Naomi smiled broadly at him and leaned against her new husband’s arm.

"Thank you, sweetheart! I know we’re going to be one, big happy family!"

Uncle Rucker grinned and gave Blair a thumb’s up. "He’s a pistol, Naomi!"

The waiters began to serve the meal. My nose told me that whatever the mystery meat was, it was safe to eat.

"Jimmy, I’m going to the little girls’ room."

It was nice of her to share that with the entire room. "Fine, Caro." Her eyes lingered on the bastard who was on Blair’s other side, and her lips parted in an alluring smile. Shortly after she left, the Jerk muttered something about needing a change of scenery and disappeared.

Sandburg was frowning down at the food that had just been placed before him.

"Everything all right, Chief?"

His expression was concerned. "Sure, Jim. I was just trying to figure out what this is supposed to be." He poked cautiously at the meat that swimming in a pool of gravy in his dish.

I was startled to discover he didn’t even realize he had been abandoned.

****

The cake had been sliced and the coffee served, and it was time for the bride and groom to slip away. "Naomi, I’m so glad you’re a part of this family." I kissed her cheek. "Have a good time in Maui , both of you."

Blair popped up from his seat and caught his mother up in an exuberant hug. "Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, Naomi!"

"That is so not likely, Blair!" She mimicked his speech, then chuckled indulgently and bussed him right on the lips.

I suddenly wished I had the right to do that, kiss him in front of God and everyone.

Rucker watched his bride lasciviously. "We’d better hurry, sugar buns!" He all but dragged her away.

The man beside me gazed after the departing couple wistfully, then he shook himself out of his reverie. "Well, it’s been really nice meeting you, Jim."

"Same here, Chief. Don’t be a stranger. You’re family now."

"Naomi’s been all the family I’ve had in a very long time. It will be nice to have someone else."

I wanted to say, "Oh, please, have me!" but instead I looked around. "I wonder where Caro is. I haven’t seen her in a while."

"I haven’t seen Kirk either. Um, do you mind if I hang out with you for a bit? There’s nowhere I have to be right now."

"Thanks, Chief." I tried to stay cool. "I hate drinking alone." We went out to the lounge and ordered a couple of beers. There was a game on the screen above the bar, but we ignored it for the most part and chatted.

He told me his middle name was Jacob, for which he’d be eternally grateful. Otherwise he would have been destined to go through life with the initials BS.

I learned he liked to change jobs every two years. He had been a teaching assistant, an anthropologist, a cop. Right now he was teaching ballroom dancing. He had about three months left to go on this job.

"What about you, Jim?"

"Nothing so interesting. After a stint in the army, I took the job I have now. I’m personal private assistant to the CEO of a major corporation. I’ve worked for the same man for sixteen years." I stared into space, suddenly realizing I had spent forty per cent of my life at this job. "You must think that is so boring!"

"No, Jim, I…uh… think that’s…" Sandburg was at a loss, and I gave a small huff of laughter.

"Boring," I insisted.

He chuckled softly and I found my libido sitting up and taking notice. I was amazed. For the last couple of dates with Carolyn, I’d had to search desperately for excuses why I wasn’t going to boink her. She was starting to believe that I really did respect her too much to do that! But now, with this intriguing package of energy, my cock was so hard that if he gave me the slightest encouragement, I’d have bent over the bar for him.

I suddenly found myself telling him something I had never mentioned to anyone else. "A couple of years ago," I was astonished to hear myself say, "I got so depressed that I spent six months planning to kill myself."

"What?" The other patrons of the bar glanced at us curiously, and Blair lowered his voice. "What?"

"Yeah. I really researched it. When I finally decided the best way to do it, I rehearsed it. I went over it in my mind, again, and again, and again."

"Well, obviously you didn’t go through with it. Mind if I ask what happened to make you rethink suicide?"

"The long and the short of it, Chief? I rehearsed it to death: I got bored." I finished my beer and caught the bartender’s eye. "Want another one, Sandburg?"

We sipped our beers. The game finished, and the 11 O’clock News came on. Blair reached for a handful of beer nuts. "Hey, man, aren’t you worried about your girlfriend?"

As if on cue, "Jimmy! Here I am!" Carolyn stood in the doorway, waving to catch my attention. Behind her stood the tall, blond god.

"No, Blair. I wasn’t worried. I saw her leave with …someone." I thought I did a good job of keeping the disillusion out of my voice, but I was wrong.

"Oh, wow, man, I am so sorry!" It was a thread of sound, but I had no problem hearing his whisper.

"Hey! Jimbo! Caro just wanted me to see the nursery where she works. She’s a horticulturist, you know!"

"I know, Kirk. She’s my girlfriend."

He was put out by my tone. "What?" he asked sullenly.

"Nothing, Kirk. It’s just really late. It took you that long to drive five miles?"

Carolyn giggled, and I caught a whiff of alcohol. "Oh, we ran out of gas!"

"That’s a pretty sucky thing to do, man!" Blair bristled. "You could have called!"

"Fuck off, Sandburg!"

I couldn’t stand it. So I knocked him down.

Sandburg stared at me with huge eyes. I thought for a moment he was going to tear into me, for denting his lover’s face. Instead, a grin split his face. "Wow! Way cool, man!"

I realized I was missing something here.

We watched as the Jerk got to his feet. "This is bullshit, Sandburg! I’ve had it with you! I am so moving out!" He shook himself off, and stalked sulkily out of the restaurant.

"Carolyn…" My mouth dropped open as I watched her hurrying after the blond. "… are you ready to go?" I finished lamely. "Oh, fuck! Looks like we’ve been abandoned, Chief."

Blair stood there staring after them. He had just been broken up with in the middle of a restaurant’s lounge.

Yeah. To quote the kid, ‘way cool’! He was available again. I wrestled my expression to something resembling somber empathy, while inside I was doing a snoopy dance. I dared to slide my arm around his shoulder and urged him out of the restaurant.

Once in the parking lot we heard the sound of an engine revving, and as a sporty little car zipped away, its driver flipped us the bird. I paused beside my ’69 pick-up. "I think you’re going to need a lift, Blair."

His smile was a little lopsided. "Thanks, man. I’m sorry about …"

"No. It’s fine. Really."

Blair’s tongue swept over his lips. "Really?" he said, his voice rising just a bit. My own tongue came out to do the lip thing, too. I felt myself leaning in toward him, but then he rushed on. "I mean… Kirk’s my roommate, but he really isn’t my boyfriend. I just…I didn’t want Naomi to think I didn’t have anyone to bring to her wedding." He sighed, and I wanted to swallow that soft sound.

I pulled my keys out instead and unlocked the passenger door. The Jerk wasn’t his boyfriend? Better and better! "Hop in, Chief."

####

I shouldn’t call him. I mean, I didn’t know much about him.

Well, I did know that he’d had the same job for sixteen years. He’d been suicidal for six months but didn’t act on it because he got bored. He’d been in the army. And man, did he look good!

And I kept remembering the way he watched my lips. When I get nervous, I have this tendency to lick them, see? And that last time, I was positive I was going to get kissed.

No such luck.

Then I remembered he had a girlfriend. Well, he had a girlfriend, until that asshole Kirk put the moves on her.

Hey, that was an idea; I could call to apologize for that whole fiasco. It wasn’t my fault, but that was as good an excuse as any!

My hand was reaching out to pick up the receiver and make that call, when the phone rang, startling me out of a year’s growth. And let’s face it, I couldn’t afford that! I was already on the short side!

It was Naomi, home from her honeymoon and calling to see if I was free on the weekend.

She had decided the best thing for bringing the two families together was for us to all gather at the big house she and Uncle Rucker were remodeling and look at the proofs of the wedding. Jim’s friend, Simon, had made sure they were developed in time for the happy couple’s return from Hawaii .

The new Mrs. Ellison had two six foot heroes laid out on the dining room table, along with potato and macaroni salads and cole slaw, and we were to eat buffet style. I couldn’t help but notice she was looking decidedly satisfied.

"Blair! Sweetheart! You’re looking…awful! Darling, what’s wrong?" Trust Naomi to pick up on the little nuances. She wasn’t the most maternal of moms, but she did love me.

"Kirk moved out, Naomi." That was as good an excuse as any. If I told her I had the hots for her brand new husband’s nephew, she’d do her damnedest to see we got together. And then when we broke up, she’d never let me hear the end of it.

No, I was going to love and lose Jim Ellison all on my own. Not love love him, you understand. I mean, with Naomi as an example, and with my own less than stellar track record, I knew better than to hope for happily ever after.

And I knew I would lose him sooner or later. I could accept that. I’d treat it like a new job. Only my jobs lasted longer than my relationships.

"I’m so sorry, sweetie. Will you be all right?"

"Sure, Naomi. You know me. Rubber balls have nothing on me!" I always bounced back. Fortunately, her husband chose that moment to approach us. "Hi, Rucker."

"Hiya, son!" Rucker looked like the cat who swallowed the cream. He was a little flushed and sweaty, having been out in the backyard breaking ground on a swimming pool. It was his intention to do the whole thing himself. Unless, of course, he could convince the other males in the family to give him a hand. When he informed us of this, we all applauded him and politely declined.

"Naomi! Rucker!" Jim Ellison strolled in, followed closely by his brother, Stephen.

Their smiles as they greeted him were happy. So was mine. I had been hoping Jim would show up, although I hadn’t realized how much until I heard his voice.

"Jim!" Naomi rubbed his upper arm affectionately. "We can’t thank you enough for your thoughtful gift! This is going to be so excellent, having the family here to see our wedding pictures!"

"It’s my pleasure, Naomi. I hope they came out well!"

Rucker reached over and hauled Jim into a massive hug." It’s about time you two got here! Maybe we can get this show on the road now, what do you say, honey buns? There are a million things we could be doing." The look he slid over his wife’s body made it all too clear what those million things entailed.

Naomi’s eyes glinted, and she licked her lips. "Very well, Slick. If you gentlemen would be so kind? Stephen said he would load up the slide tray. It will be easier to make our selections from the slides, I think."

We took our seats in the family room. Naomi and Rucker chose the loveseat, and were so close together there was room to spare. I sat at the end of the couch, hoping Jim might choose to sit beside me. He went over to speak with his brother, and my shoulders drooped.

"Hey." I looked up at the soft voice. "This seat taken, Chief?" He held two plates piled high with food.

I shook my head, accepting a plate, then shifted and crossed my legs, trying to disguise my arousal. There was plenty of room on that couch, but he sat so close to me that his thigh pressed up against my thigh, and his shoulder brushed against mine. He turned to say something to his brother, and his hand was suddenly on my knee, squeezing and fondling it. I wanted to spread my legs. If I did, maybe he’d move his hand higher. An almost soundless whimper escaped my mouth, and his fingers tightened as if he heard me.

I battled my lust to a standstill and settled down to enjoy the pictures of my mother’s latest wedding, and the warmth of the man at my side. Stephen dimmed the lights and started the projector.

The slides consisted of the usual shots of the bride and groom toasting each other, sharing a bite of cake, kissing ... oh, yes, kissing!

And then came a series of candid pictures. There was a muffled gasp, and Jim choked on a bite of potato salad. The first time Simon had told him to say Parmesan, he’d stuck out his tongue and crossed his eyes. And Simon had snapped a picture of him like that!

And he had somehow managed to get a shot of Jim’s brother pissing in a potted plant, and a dignified matronly figure puking in someone’s pocketbook.

"Wow!" My voice was tinged with stifled amusement. "That’s…amazing, man!"

Naomi was poking her husband’s arm. "Isn’t this a hoot, Rucker?"

"I may have to give Simon a bonus for that! You realize I’m going to torment you with that picture for the rest of your life, don’t you, Stephen?"

He groaned. "Don’t remind me! I had the world’s worst hangover the next day! Oh, shit!"

I felt myself turn pale. The next image was of Kirk in a corner of the cloakroom. He had been caught in the act of pulling out his cock, while Jim’s erstwhile girlfriend was leaning back against the wall, holding her skirt high enough to reveal the fact that she was not a natural redhead.

"Well." He blew out a breath, and shrugged. "Well. I guess it’s a good thing she decided to break up with me. Know anyone who might be interested in a slightly worn personal private assistant, Chief?"

I had to grip the edge of the couch, otherwise I’d have been bouncing up and down, pleading, ‘Me, me, me!’

"Oh, baby!" Naomi wailed. "That bastard broke your heart!"

"Uh…"

"My poor Blair! I’m going to get a gun and shoot him!"

"Uh…"

"This is all your fault! Why is it you always fall in love with the most unsuitable men?"

Huh? How did we go from ‘poor Blair’ to ‘this is my fault’?

"It’s all right, Naomi. Caro and I really weren’t compatible."

"Jim, that’s so sweet of you to say. But Blair always does this! He always chooses the worst possible person for him! And then everyone gets hit by the fallout!"

Could it get any more embarrassing than this, getting chewed out by your mom in front of the man you’re head over heels in lust with? I buried my face in my hands. And another one bites the dust.

"Naomi." Rucker actually got her to shut up. I was impressed. It was too late, but I was impressed.

"I’d better go. I’ll…I’ll call you, Naomi. Jim, I’m really sorry."

"It’s not a problem, Chief," he said softly, and I dared to look into his ice blue eyes. They were warm, and I caught my breath.

Cautiously I rested my palm on his thigh and rubbed the rock-hard muscle. I was concentrating on the movement of my hand, and when Jim’s hand came to rest on mine, halting it, I jumped.

I licked my lips. I told you I do that when I get nervous, didn’t I?

"Let’s blow this popsicle stand, Chief!" He dragged me to my feet, and the plate of sandwich and potato salad tipped onto the floor. "Naomi, thanks for a lovely afternoon. Uncle Rucker, call me when you need some help on that pool; you’ll give yourself a heart attack otherwise. Stephen…I’m definitely going to have Simon give me a copy of that picture!"

We were out the door before I realized it. "Where…where are we going?"

"How about my place? I’ve got a cappuccino maker that I haven’t tried yet."

"Sounds great to me, big guy."

"Would you mind driving? I didn’t bring the pick-up."

I waved him toward my car and watched the bunch and flow of the muscles of his ass. What that man did to a pair of jeans was, as they say in some circles, nobody’s business! I hurried after him and opened the passenger door of the Volvo, then waited until Jim got in. I walked around to the driver’s side and slid behind the wheel.

I fastened my seat belt and glanced at the man sitting next to me. He hadn’t buckled up. I unbuckled, leaned across him to get the shoulder harness and pulled it across his chest. Heat radiated off him, and I couldn’t help noticing the bulge just centimeters away from my fingers. I looked into his eyes, and…

Yeah, you got it…I licked my lips. And then I said to myself, fuck it! I leaned up and kissed him.

Warm. Soft. Moist. Lush. Lips that should be declared illegal in the forty-eight contiguous states, Canada and Mexico ! I could barely catch my breath.

I was going to be cool about this. I was not going to dive past his lips like I was a man forty days in the desert and desperate for the life spring that was his mouth. But then he opened his mouth and flicked my tongue with his, and I moaned and shivered and wound my arms around his neck, plastering myself against him.

His hands were hard on my hips, digging in, and from someone else, it would have been painful, but from Jim Ellison it wasn’t enough! Somehow I was straddling his thigh, which pressed high against my crotch, and I started a slow rocking motion.

"Chief."

Fuck. I’d gotten carried away. He didn’t want this! I managed to get my mouth off his. It was a major struggle, but I did it. I was panting and gasping and moaning, and all I wanted to do was take that mouth one more time, just once more. I swear I’d be satisfied with that for the rest of my life!

I wouldn’t be, not really, but if he didn’t want me, if this was all I was destined to have, then I wanted that one last kiss!

"I’m getting off, babe, I promise!"

He laughed softly. "I kind of got the impression you were."

"Huh?" I realized what I said and groaned in dismay.

"I think that it would be a good idea if we left now, Chief. I haven’t made out in a car since I was a horny teenager!"

"Sorry."

"You keep saying that. Don’t you get it yet, Blair? I’m not! It’s flattering to be wanted this badly. Just, not in my uncle’s driveway!" He ran his hand through my hair, catching a strand that slipped loose of the thong I kept it confined in and tugging gently. "I want to make love with you, Chief. Let’s go back to my loft."

I got back to my side of the Volvo and buckled up again. A glance at Jim showed that he was still just sitting there. I gave an exasperated huff of laughter. "Fasten your seat belt, Jim, or we don’t move!"

"Excuse me?"

I put the key in the ignition and listened to the engine rev. It would probably need a tune up soon. "I don’t drive unless all my passengers are buckled up!"

####

By the time we got to my apartment, I was almost vibrating from nerves. I took Blair’s jacket and hung it up next to mine, then turned to ask him if he really wanted cappuccino. Before I knew what was happening, he had me flush against the wall, leaning full length against me while his right hand shaped and molded my dick.

I squeezed my eyes shut and gasped for breath. His nimble fingers unbuttoned my fly and spread it open. He reached in. There was a small damp spot on my shorts, and he hummed with satisfaction as he rubbed his thumb over the head of my cock through the material. I was rocking my hips forward, trying to get more of whatever he wanted to give me.

Blair pulled my cock out of my jeans and scraped his nail over the slit that was oozing clear fluid. As he sank to his knees before me, he dragged my pants down and out of the way. He licked up the drops of pre come and blew on the tip, a warm, humid breath.

I cried out, and then cried out again as he took me into his mouth. My fingers tangled in that long, curly hair of his, and I bucked and groaned. I was close. I was so close!

He let me slip from his mouth. "Nooo!" I moaned.

"No," he agreed. His blue eyes were hot as they watched me watch him. Blair rubbed a finger over my weeping dick, coating it with pre come. He took my cock back into his mouth, then distracted me by parting my buttocks and stroking across my hole. This was something new, and I tensed. The fingertips of his other hand ran the length of my thigh, soothing me. The tight ring of muscle gradually gave beneath the steady pressure, and then his finger was all the way in me, finding my prostate and almost causing me to levitate.

I was teetering on the brink. No one had ever loved me like this before. Mutual jerk-offs, sure, but I’d never, ever had anything in my ass.

Blair fumbled with his own zipper, and I was abruptly hit by the thought that I was making him do all the work. If I wanted this to be a shared experience that he maybe might, maybe would want to repeat, I’d better get my ass in gear and help out a little. I pressed down on his hand, and reluctantly he withdrew his finger. I went down onto my knees, which left my legs spread very wide, and I wedged my hands between us and undid the button at the top of his jeans. The sound of his zipper descending, knowing I was the one lowering it, had me panting, and then that beautiful cock of his was freed.

Blue eyes blazed into mine, and I leaned toward him as he released my cock and stretched forward to meet me. As our lips touched, caressed, explored, our dicks came into contact, slick with pre come and spit, and his hips began a gentle thrusting. His tongue mimicked the movement.

So this was frottage. I’d heard, but had never…

And then there was no time for any thoughts. My brain went on hiatus, my body followed where my lover led. I wanted to inhale him. I wanted him under my skin, so that no matter where I went, he was there with me.

Blair eased his finger back into me, and when I would have moaned, he took advantage of my open mouth to plunder its moist depths. He wrapped his hand around both our cocks, and the additional pressure was all that was needed. I came, splattering both of us with hot semen. My lover was right there with me, and our essences mingled. I went spinning into sensory overload, my senses haywire. The scents, the sounds, the sensations…

****

"Jim! Jim!" He was patting my cheek urgently. "Come back to me, man!"

My eyes drifted open, and I saw his concerned face above me. "Hi, Chief." I curled my hand around his neck. "Mmmm," and I brought him down for a soft kiss.

He stiffened his arms and kept me at a distance. "Hi? Hi? Is that all you can say?" He scooted out from under me and my head hit the floor. "You scared me shitless, man! What happened?"

I rubbed at the non-existent bump, hoping for a little sympathy, but he just kept glaring at me. "What do you mean, what happened? I came. We came!"

"And then you passed out!"

"Oh." I shifted uncomfortably. My senses hadn’t acted up like this in a long time. Usually I had them clamped down so tightly it often felt as if I was going around with a layer of gauze between me and the rest of the world. "I’m sorry, Chief."

"Come on, big guy. Talk to me!"

I pulled my jeans up and concentrated on getting the buttons in the buttonholes.

"Jim."

Hesitantly I explained about my senses. "They’re all enhanced, every fucking one of them! About eighteen months ago they came online. Mostly I can keep them under control. I don’t understand why this happened, but it won’t happen again!" He hadn’t bolted for the door immediately, so I was hopeful he might stay. "I promise it won’t happen again!"

Blair scowled at me. "You’re an asshole, James Ellison!"

"Excuse me?" Wasn’t he thankful he wouldn’t have to put up with senses run wild?

"You’re certifiable, you know that? Do you have any idea how it makes me feel to know I can love you right over the edge? I mean, I don’t want you to faint every time we make love, but once in a while…" He suddenly looked away, embarrassed. "I’m sorry. I’m a macho dick. I want to stand on the roof and beat my chest and shout to the world that I made you come so hard you lost consciousness."

I’d never thought of it like that. "It doesn’t bother you that I can see and hear things, that smell and touch are so magnified?"

"It’s part of who you are, Jim. And I really lo… like who you are."

"Yeah?" I knew I was wearing one of those dopey grins. "In that case, you want to take this upstairs?"

"Oh, man! I thought you’d never ask!" He grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. "I’ve been dreaming of having you, Jim!"

I slowed as we got to the top of the stairs. "There’s just one thing, Chief." I found it hard to meet his eyes. "I…uh…I haven’t exactly done this before."

For just a second he looked confused, and then his eyes widened. I was afraid he was going to laugh at me. I mean, here I was, thirty-five…thirty-seven… oh, all right thirty-nine, dammit, and I’d never gone all the way with another guy. And how ‘50s did that sound?

But his expression grew tender, and my dick got so hard I thought it would pop the buttons on my fly. His palm caressed my cheek, and his thumb rubbed my lips gently, urging them to part. I wanted him to slide a finger into my mouth so I could suck on it. The thought of doing that made my cock twitch.

"I guess that means you don’t have any lube."

"Lube?"

He brought my face close to his and kissed me softly. "I’ll take care of you, Jim."

Blair turned and hurried back down the stairs. "Good thing I was hoping I’d get lucky!" He rummaged in his jacket pocket and came running back up, holding a small white bag with a pharmacy advertisement on it.

I was already on the bed, the covers flung onto the floor. My fingers were clumsy on the buttons of my shirt. "Have you been carrying that around long, Chief?" I threw my shirt over the foot of the bed, for once not caring if it wrinkled.

My lover was faster than I in spite of the fact that I’d had a head start: he was down to his boxers. They were silk, and on the leg was discreetly embroidered the manufacturer’s logo. His erection was tenting his shorts, and my fingertips tingled with the need to strip him bare.

He knelt on the bed and unlaced my running shoes. I toed them off, my breath hitching as I watched him reach for the buttons on my jeans. Each one was pressed down, slid through, material was freed, flesh beneath was tormented by the feather touches. My hips were thrusting into the air by the time he was through. His grip fastened in the waistband, and he removed jeans and shorts in one swift, efficient movement.

I couldn’t believe how ready for this we both were.

"Flip over, babe."

I obeyed him eagerly, nervous, but wanting this more than I could remember wanting anything. Blair petted my ass cheeks as the cool sheets warmed to the heat of my body, and he reached for a pillow to slide beneath me.

"Kneel up, Jim."

My buttocks were parted, and I concentrated on breathing. And almost rocketed off the bed as I felt his tongue tease the sensitive skin behind my balls, lick at my hole, and then stab at it, getting me so relaxed that I felt almost boneless.

I knew I was never going to last. I grabbed a handful of sheets. "Chief!"

"Dial it down, big guy," Blair whispered, and explained how he wanted me to do that. It distracted me enough so that the urge to come was blunted.

I jumped as this time a couple of slicked fingers pushed into me. My lover stroked my back, soothing me. The feeling of fullness was almost overwhelming, and I shivered. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. Maybe we should just stick to sucking each other off. Maybe… He curled his fingers and found that spot that had driven me crazy while he was blowing me.

Fuck maybe! I wanted more of that! I humped into his thrusts, and suddenly his fingers were replaced by something thicker, longer. Blair reached around to jerk me off while he fucked me. His hand was knowledgeable on my dick, which was soon oozing drops of pre come. I squeezed my inner muscles and rolled my hips, trying to take him deeper.

"That’s it, Jim," he groaned, letting me know he was aware who he was fucking. He lay on my back, and his fingers stroked over my chest, finding my nipples and playing with them.

"Blair! I’m..."

"Yes, Jim, yes! Come for me, baby."

With a hoarse shout I poured myself into his hand. His thrusts became hard and rapid, and he cried out. I felt his heat deep inside me, branding me as his.

His arms snug around me, he held me tight, murmuring something. I dialed my hearing up enough to distinguish what he was whispering. "I love you, Jim. I love you!"

I smiled and rubbed my cheek against his bicep. My arms and legs were trembling from keeping us both up. I sank down to the mattress, keeping my ass up so I’d have Blair in me for as long as possible, but finally he was too soft to remain in my passage, and he slid out. I rolled onto my side, feeling utterly at peace, with myself and the world.

"Hold on, Jim. I’ll be right back." He padded down the stairs and I could hear him in the bathroom, running the water. When he returned, it was with a warm washcloth. Carefully, he cleaned me off, making sure I hadn’t torn, then turned me to my back and wiped off any drying come that had escaped his hand.

Once he was satisfied with our level of comfort, he pulled a sheet up over us and sprawled across my chest.

I had one arm under my head, while the other rested along my lover’s back. My hand cupped the sweet curve of his ass, and he lifted into my petting. I stared up at the ceiling. A spider was spinning its web. I could see each strand clearly, and the light that fractured through it, almost like a prism.

So this was love. My chest rose on a deep sigh.

"You okay, Jim?" Blair asked drowsily.

"I’ve never been so okay, Chief. But now what?"

"Hmmm? Huh?" He had gone from sleepy, lazily sated to awake, wild-eyed anxiety. "What do you mean, now what?"

"Well, where do we go from here?"

I could feel his tension. "Um, what are the options we’re looking at, babe?"

It was bad of me, but I couldn’t help teasing him. "Well," I began ticking them off on my fingers. "We could say good-bye, and never meet again."

"Not an option, Jim!"

I smiled. "All right," I said agreeably, wondering how long I could string this out. "We could say this was nice, but maybe for friendship’s sake, we’d better not do it again."

"You thought it was only nice?" I didn’t need Sentinel hearing to pick up the hurt in his voice.

"It was better than nice Chief. It was the greatest thing since sliced bread!"

That appeased him somewhat. "Suppose I don’t want to be your friend badly enough to give up the sex? Then what?"

I shrugged and pretended I had no idea what he was talking about. That unappeased him.

"All right, Ellison. What else? And keep in mind you’re getting me a tad buegged."

"Is that some kind of Sandburgism? Buegged?"

"It’s worse than bugged, Jim. Believe me, you don’t want to go there!"

"I’ll take your word for it, Chief. Well, we could always be fuck buddies." I nodded as if this was a great idea. "Yeah, that would work. If either of us ever needed to get laid, he could turn to the other. Sound good, Blair?"

He leaned up and looked into my eyes. "James Ellison, are you teasing me?"

"I am." I stole a quick kiss. "I’m sorry. But it’s so much fun teasing you!"

"Hmph." He tweaked my nipple. "I am so not appreciating that, wiseguy! Okay, are there any more options? Because I’ll tell you the truth, I am not liking any of them!" But this time the smile was back.

"Just one more, Blair." I took a deep breath. "Move in with me. Grow old with me."

He didn’t answer immediately, and I suddenly felt as if I’d been kicked in the gut. Had his vow of love simply been the post coital words of a satisfied male?

When he spoke, his words almost broke my heart. "I’m…I’m not a good candidate for the long haul, Jim. You’ve seen my mom. I love her, but she really wasn’t the best example on how to keep a relationship going."

"It doesn’t seem to me that she’s looking to deep-six Uncle Rucker."

"No, but…"

"Is it possible that maybe she could have changed?"

"Yeah, but…"

I kissed his mouth shut. "Look, Chief. I love you."

"You do?"

"Hell, yes!"

"You didn’t say."

I scowled at him. " Well, I do. That’s all there is to it, so get used to it. I’m not letting you go."

"You’re not?"

I shook my head.

"So I’ve got no say in this matter?"

I shook my head again.

"I can see you’re going to be a bossy, pushy bottom!"

"I guess so." My pushy bottom was aching pleasurably, and I wondered how soon we could do this again. "Will you, Blair Jacob Sandburg?"

He smiled at me, a smile that lit him up like a stained glass window. "I will."

~End~