Title: Take the Long Way Home

Author/pseudonym: Silk

Fandom: The Sentinel

Pairing: Jim/Blair

Rating: PG

Status: New/Complete

Date: 1/7/02

Archive: If I sent it to you, please feel free to archive.

E-mail address: silkn1@att.net

Series/Sequel: This story is a sequel to Alone Again, Naturally.

Website: www.angelfire.com/ny4/tinsel/

Notes: This is set toward the end of TSbyBS. Blair doesn't get an offer of a job at the end of this, but I think he gets what he *really* wanted.

Disclaimers: All Sentinel characters belong to Pet Fly and Paramount. I am merely playing with them nicely. This work is not for profit.

Summary: Sometimes home isn't a place.

Warnings: m/m, angst, AU. Spoilers for TSbyBS.

Thanks to everyone who encouraged me to write a sequel to Alone Again, Naturally. Thanks to them, Blair is now in a much better place, with Jim at his side. Which is as it should be.


Take the Long Way Home
by Silk

I couldn't feel my hands anymore. I was gripping the steering wheel so tightly, my fingers were numb. I'm not sure why I was holding on so hard. It wasn't...important...to hold on...not anymore.

Suddenly the passenger side door creaked open. I turned my face reluctantly into the fierce blast of cold wind that came with the door's opening.

"Jim," I whispered, my voice inaudible to anyone but a Sentinel. There was an irony in that that might have made me smile...under different circumstances.

"What are you doing here?" I managed to choke out over the king-sized lump in my throat.

His hand felt big and warm as it covered mine. I looked down and stared at the way our hands, even so carelessly placed, fit together perfectly. My lower lip trembled tellingly. I wanted to cry so badly, I could taste it. But I wouldn't. There was a beauty to this moment that transcended tears.

"I saw the press conference, Chief."

"Pretty lame, huh?"

"No," he protested. Now his hand was rubbing the back of mine. It was so close to a caress, my heart began to race.

"It occurred to me that...since this whole thing went down...it's all been about *me*. What *I* thought, what *I* felt, what all this was doing to *me*."

"It *is*," I agreed.

"No, it's not, Chief. *Blair*. What you did in there..." Jim looked away from where he'd been restlessly massaging my hand and sighed. "I don't think I could have done what you did. I *know* I couldn't."

I closed my eyes. "It was that *dumb*, huh?"

"No, it was that *brave*."

Jim leaned closer and I could feel his breath on my cheek. "I know what you were trying to show me, Blair."

I opened my eyes, suddenly afraid *not* to look at Jim. His eyes were such a vivid shade of blue. A guy could get tangled up in blue like that. Forever.

"You do?"

"We've both made mistakes--"

"Not me, I'm perfect," I said bitterly.

"You were going to leave me--"

"So what? You *already* left me." Shit. That did it. My eyes felt wet.

"I didn't mean to, Chief. It's those damn instincts for self-preservation. Remember?"

"You don't have to do this, Jim."

"What?"

"The pity thing. I know I must look pretty pathetic right now. But everything I've lost is...replaceable. Someday."

"Everything?"

I tried to turn away, but he was relentless. He crawled into my space and stayed there. It was so unlike him. But it was exactly what I needed. I hated him for that.

For maybe two seconds.

"What we have? You think that's replaceable, Chief? You think you can have that with just *anyone*?"

"What do we have, Jim? I didn't lose you. Or misplace you. I *chose* to let you go. Don't fuck it up now by making some last-ditch effort to save our friendship."

"You don't want to be with me?"

"Jesus." I abruptly pulled my hand out of his grip. "Get out of the car, Jim. Go home."

"Only if you come with me."

"I don't have a home."

"Yes, you do. As long as I'm alive, you'll always have a home, Chief."

I stared at my fingers until my vision completely blurred. "I can't come home with you, Jim."

"Why?" he whispered, his lips entirely too close to my ear. I could feel his breath ruffle my hair. Oh, God, I wanted to hold onto him for dear life. Because that's what he was to me: dear life.

Slowly, inch by inch, his fingers crept over mine again. At a time when I felt less and less like I was there, he was reassuringly solid.

"Cause I'm already there," I whispered.

The pressure of his lips against my ear increased until it became a kiss. I started to tremble, but he held onto me, lending me his warmth and his strength. "I love you, Blair."

I faced him then, my eyes helplessly searching his. I tried to speak, but all that came out was a strangled sound. He kissed me, this time on the mouth, his lips curiously soft and tentative for someone unusually determined.

He wasn't sure of me. Oh, God, he wasn't sure of me yet and oh, I wanted him to be. I wanted to be the one thing he could count on. No matter what.

So I did the only thing I could do. I kissed him back with all of my heart.

It must have been the right answer. Seconds later, I felt his fingers slide into my hair and pull me even closer, so close that we shared the same breath.

"I love you, Jim," I whispered against his mouth.

His fingers tightened, digging into my scalp almost painfully, but I didn't mind. It was real. It was proof that we were where we needed to be.

Together.


End