Sullivan’s Pub: If Men Truly Ran The World
By Patt
(Thanks to Mary for the ammo. )


The gang from the bullpen met at Sullivan’s as usual twice a week. This night would be no different. They all walked in and Jim said, “What kind of questions do you think Conner will hit us with this time?”

“I’m sure they’ll be good ones,” Joel said.

“You have to say that, because you’re sleeping with her,” Simon said laughing.

“No I don’t. I speak my own mind,” Joel countered.

“Well I don’t know about anyone else, but I have a blast with these things,” Sandburg said bouncing in place.

“You would, Chief,” Jim said quietly.

“Here she comes guys, ready or not,” Brown said leading them all to their favorite spot in the Pub.

As they all sat down, Megan said, “Okay, tonight’s survey is about what if Men Truly Ran The World. I’m going to say things that were in this survey and you tell me if you agree or not. If you don’t agree tell me why. Everyone ready?” Conner then leaned over and gave Joel a sweet kiss on his lips.

“Get a room, you two,” Simon said.

“Yeah, some of us don’t have a life, so don’t flaunt it,” Rafe said laughing.



Conner: Here we go guys. If Men Truly Ran The World, would telephones be cut off after 30 seconds of conversation?



Jim: This one’s easy. Yes.

Blair: No, I disagree, I talk way longer than that on the phone.

Jim: But Blair, if we have to stay on that long, then it’s like an electronic leash. I hate that about cell phones. They find you no matter where you are.

Blair: You don’t like me finding you?

Jim: Not always. Sometimes I like to stay focused and I can’t when you call. I mean that as a compliment, Chief.

Blair: Thanks, I think.

Rafe: Well, I agree with Ellison. I hate the damn phone. If people can’t say it in 30 seconds, they shouldn’t be allowed to use one.

Brown: Don’t you think that’s a little harsh, Rafe?

Rafe: Brown, wasn’t it you the other night that had that crazy woman on the phone and you said, ‘the phone company should take that damn phone away from her.’

Brown: Oh yeah. Okay, I agree with Ellison too.

Simon: I think 30 seconds is too long.

Blair: Oh you would. You’re just disgusted that no one calls you.

Simon: I get calls. I just don’t like them.

Blair: Oh you sweet talker you. I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t be calling you all the time. //said with much sarcasm //

Joel: Well I love the phone, I make a lot of calls and receive just as many. It makes the day flow better.

Jim: Geeze, he is turning into a wuss puss.

Rafe: Takes one to know one.

Jim: Oh shut up, Rafe.

Rafe: Wanna make me, big boy?

Blair: Yo, don’t be calling my man, big boy. I’m the only one that calls him that. But if he doesn’t shush about this phone business, I won’t be calling him anything.

Jim: So there, Rafe.

Blair: Shut up, Jim, you sound like you’re four.

Simon: You all sound like you’re four.

Joel: Simon, not all of us.

Simon: Yes, all of you.

Blair: I’m telling you, he’s just jealous that no one calls him other than us guys.

Conner: Hey, I call him now and then.

Blair: Well that’s what I said. One of us guys. //smiling winningly at Conner. //

Jim: Chief, you can stop the flirting.

Blair: Get a grip, Jim. She’s with Joel.

Joel: She is.

Conner: Don’t talk about me like I’m some object.

Joel: Well you are the object of my desire.

Conner: Man, you are such a sweet talker. I love you.

Simon: Oh god, could we move on?

Jim: Is that what we sound like?

Simon: Exactly.

Jim: Gross. We’ll stop.

Blair: Then we’ll stop a lot of things.

Jim: Just kidding, Chief.





Conner: If you ran the world, would you say any of this? Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the butt and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.

Joel: I would never do that.

Conner: He’s such a perfect gentleman. Well, most of the time.

Simon: Oh god, now we’ve got to listen to het jokes. Geeze.

Jim: I agree, lets keep this on subject. I would never say that, even though I thought about this line a few times.

Blair: Jim, I’m breaking up with you tonight, I’m warning you now.

Jim: What? What did I say?

Blair: See you don’t even notice what an ass you are.

Conner: He doesn’t, Sandy. Kick his ass good.

Jim: Conner, stay out of this.

Blair: She’s my best friend; she can do anything she wants.

Rafe: Hey this might be a fun one tonight. Henry, you and I aren’t getting in much trouble.

Brown: I would never say or think of anything like that remark. It was cruel and mean. I’m not.

Rafe: Oh my god, it’s spreading. Wuss Puss alert. Wuss Puss alert.

Brown: Rafe, keep in mind who your partner is. I could misplace my gun or something and not be there to save your life.

Rafe: Man, that’s cruel, Brown. Even for you.

Simon: I would never say that to anyone, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought it.

Blair: Simon, did you grow up in Jim’s household?

Simon: Oh fuck you, Sandburg.

Jim: Simon don’t tell him that.

Blair: Jim I can take care of myself.

Jim: I know but it pisses me off.

Blair: Well it won’t matter if you don’t straighten up.

Rafe: If he went and got straight, then you wouldn’t like him anymore. // Laughing heartily at his own stupid joke. //

Jim: Oh that’s so fucking funny I forgot to laugh, Rafe.

Simon: Actually it was pretty funny.

Blair: // Oh god, you two need to start a moron club. //

Jim: Good one, Chief.

Simon: Want to share with the rest of us, Sandburg?

Blair: Not really, no. But thanks for asking.

Conner: Good one, Sandy. You crack me up.

Joel: You crack us both up, Blair.

Blair: //bowing// Why thank you.




Conner: If Men Ran The World, would Birth control come in ale or lager?

Jim: Hell yes.

Brown: Hey, what an idea.

Rafe: I like it too.

Simon: Wow, one we’re going to agree on.

Joel: Well I don’t agree. Sorry Simon. I just don’t see that as right. I think that women should be able to choose what they want to put into their body, not us.

Conner: Oh Joel you are so damn sweet. // Whispering// I’ll let you put things inside my body later.

Jim: Jesus calm down Conner, I heard that.

Conner: Shit, it’s the pits being friends with a Sentinel.

Blair: Tell me about it, try being his lover.

Jim: Oh do tell, what’s wrong with it?

Blair: we don’t even want to go there, Jim. Believe me.

Jim: Yeah, I wanna hear what’s wrong with being in love with a Sentinel.

Blair: There is nothing wrong with it, you’re just a big pain in the neck sometimes.

Simon: I think this would be a good time to move on, Conner.

Brown: But Simon, this was just getting good.

Simon: I don’t want it getting good.

Rafe: I bet you say that to all of your dates. // Laughing hysterically. //

Simon: I think you’ve forgotten who the boss is here.

Rafe: You know I think I did for a second, but I’m back, sir.

Simon: Good, now move it along, Conner.





Conner: Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

Jim: What a great idea. Oh stop with the looks, Chief. I was joking.

Blair: You know you’re cruising here.

Jim: I know, but I like the bruising part.

Simon: You would.

Rafe: Yeah, I agree there.

Brown: Well, I’m going to answer the survey. I think I wouldn’t mind it being every four years. I keep forgetting about it even if I am dating and always getting in trouble. Even my Mom gets mad if I forget her.

Rafe: You’re such a mama’s boy.

Brown: Shove it, Rafe.

Joel: I love Valentines Day.

Simon: Sure you have a date.

Joel: No, I even like it when I’m not dating. I think it’s sweet watching all of the lovers.

Rafe: Quick, someone slug me in the face so I don’t catch whatever he has.

Jim: I’ll do it.

Simon: Sit down Jim. It was a joke. Rafe, don’t tempt him.

Rafe: I can’t help it if I’m gorgeous.

Jim: Screw you, Rafe.

Rafe: Not tonight.

Simon: Sit back down Jim. Right now. Act your age. Your physical age, you shit.

Jim: Rafe, when you least suspect it, I’m going to get you.

Rafe: Oh I’m shaking in my boots.

Jim: Sandburg, what do you think about this question?

Blair: Who the fuck cares about Valentines day? It’s just another day of someone saying they love someone and probably don’t even mean it.

Jim: Knock it off Sandburg; you know I love you.

Blair: Well, that’s what you say. But you don’t even want Valentines Day every year. What does that say about us, eh?

Jim: That we’re normal?

Blair: It’s so sad. You used to be so romantic. // pouting big time. //

Jim: I’m still romantic, baby.

Rafe: Oh geeze, now he’s going to beg. I hate it when Sandburg makes you do that.

Jim: He doesn’t make me do anything, I do it because I want to. I love to.

Joel: Way to go, Jim.

Jim: Thanks Joel.

Blair: Okay, things are looking up big man.

Jim: I’m sorry baby. // Kiss… Kiss… Kiss… //

Simon: Time out. This is not high school. Go and get a room.

Brown: I think they’re damn sweet. Oh you guys, I told my mom about you yesterday. I hope you don’t mind.

Jim: I don’t care. It’s not like it’s a secret, Brown.

Blair: What’d she say?

Brown: She said that love is rare and if you find it, grab it and thank God for it. Don’t question the packages that it comes in.

Blair: Man, I love your mom. Jim can we have her over for dinner some night?

Jim: This weekend sound okay, Brown?

Brown: Oh man, she’d love it.

Simon: What are we? Chopped liver?

Jim: Everyone is invited with their mom’s if they want to bring them.

Blair: Jim and I don’t have Mom’s here, so maybe that would be nice.

Conner: Okay, guys, we’re way off track. Wanna go to the next one?

Simon: Couldn’t have said it better myself.






Conner: St. Patrick's Day would be celebrated every month.

Jim: Now that I could see.

Blair: Me too.

Simon: I agree.

Brown: I do too.

Rafe: Good idea. We could make our own holiday.

Joel: It does sound fun. As long as there was a designated driver.

Jim: Should we go out once a month?

Blair: We go out twice a week now, you nutjobs.

Jim: Oh yeah. // Snicker //

Simon: Do you believe it? We’re agreeing on our first one. Hot damn. Let’s move on.




Conner: Garbage would take itself out.

Blair: Hey that’s not true at all. I don’t take the garbage out.

Jim: That’s because I do sport.

Blair: Oh yeah. I knew it was some good looking stud that I wanted to nail to the mattress. I had forgotten who.

Jim: Promises, promises.

Blair: You can hold me to it, tough guy.

Joel: You two are just too cute for words.

Rafe: I have some words. Gross. Sick. Wuss. Puss.

Brown: I don’t mean to laugh, Jim and Blair, but that was funny. Joel you left them wide open for that one.

Joel: Sorry guys. I didn’t mean to get something started.

Blair: Nah, it’s okay. Rafe’s just jealous.

Rafe: You wish.

Blair: Why would I fucking wish for you, asshole?

Jim: Blair, calm down.

Blair: Why do I always have to calm down and yet he can say whatever he wants, whenever he wants?

Joel: Because it’s great to be Rafe?

Blair: I’m not joking. He’s being an ass.

Jim: Rafe shut up and be nice.

Rafe: Well shit, if I shut up, how can I help but be nice?

Simon: What was the damn question? I hate how we get off track.

Conner: Yeah, you guys are worse than a bunch of old women. // snickering // The question is, if you were ruling the world,, would garbage take itself out?

Simon: Hell yes. I hate taking trash out.

Joel: I don’t really mind, but I have to say that Meg takes it out almost as much as I do.

Rafe: Wow, I’m like so surprised.

Joel: I’m going to kick your little ass, Brian.

Rafe: Oh oh, he just called me Brian. I better behave.

Conner: All right stop it all of you and Jim stop that damn laughing. It’s hard to concentrate when I’m laughing along with you.

Jim: Sorry, Conner.



Conner: The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle."

Blair: //howling// Now Conner that one is just hilarious. I don’t believe that men are that simple minded that the only thing they can think about is sports. Take Jim for instance. He can think of two things at the same time. Sports and sex. Oh wait, three. Sports, sex and eating.

Jim: Fuck you, Chief. And not in the good way.

Blair: I was only teasing. You have no sense of humor sometimes. Wasn’t that just you that was laughing your ass off?

Jim: Well, that was funny. What you said was cruel and mean.

Rafe: Oh someone get a tissue for Ellison, Blair’s being mean and cruel to him.

Simon: Jim sit back down, right now. I mean it. Rafe, shut up or I’ll let him go after you.

Rafe: Oh I’m scared.

Simon: You should be.

Rafe: He scares you, Simon?

Simon: Hell yes. Don’t mess with him, kid.

Rafe: Can you say wuss puss, Simon?

Simon: Can you say overtime?

Rafe: Okay I’m done.

Simon: Good.

Joel: Actually I can see many men doing this.

Simon: So can I Joel. Hell I might be one of them.

Blair: Simon are you kidding?

Simon: No, I love football.

Brown: My mom wouldn’t let us get that into sports. She wanted us to do more things like music and so on. So I only watch the games when I hang with you all.

Rafe: H, you’re getting to be a big ole mama’s boy.

Brown: Oh shove it, you’re just jealous that your mom doesn’t love you as much as mine does.

Rafe: Fuck you, Brown.

Brown: Sorry Rafe. I wasn’t thinking.

Jim: What did we miss?

Blair: Yeah, why you so mad Rafe?

Rafe: He was making a joke about me being adopted.

Jim: Oh shit. Man, we’re sorry too.

Blair: Rafe, we’ve been totally insensitive. Sorry.

Rafe: God, you guys are way too easy. I just love it.

Blair: So you’re not adopted?

Rafe: Hell no.

Jim: No one would have wanted you.

Simon: How quickly you turn Ellison.

Jim: That was low even for him.

Joel: I’m adopted.

Rafe: Oh man, I’m sorry Joel. I didn’t mean to make fun of adoption.

Joel: Good, I’m not adopted, but I could have been. You’re all being children about it.

Simon: Well maybe they could still be adopted since they act like children. Know anyone that wants older kids?

Jim: Hardy har har.





Conner: Instead of "beer-belly," you'd get "beer-biceps."

Jim: Hell I don’t have a beer belly.

Simon: Give yourself a few more years.

Blair: Bullshit. He’ll be fit as a fiddle forever.

Jim: So you’re saying that if I gained weight you wouldn’t find me attractive anymore?

Blair: No, not at all.

Jim: Want to explain then?

Blair: Not right now, but if you insist I will.

Jim: I insist.

Blair: Well you know how we work out every night and sometimes mornings too? Well I would just have to keep your busier than that.

Simon: God, here we go with their sex talk.

Jim: He’s talking about working out in the gym, Simon.

Simon: Yeah right.

Blair: Smart man, our Captain.

Jim: Shut up.

Simon: Me?

Jim: No, Blair.

Brown: I have a beer belly and I’m young.

Jim: We can work on that if you want to, Brown.

Rafe: You want Henry to work it off the same way that you and Blair do? Oh man, they want a threesome? Cool.

Simon: Please stop now before it gets ugly.

Jim: I don’t let anyone touch Blair, so no threesomes.

Blair: Oh I love when you’re all possessive.

Jim: //pulling Blair into his arms // I’ll show you possessive, Chief.

Brown: God, they’re just cute.

Rafe: Jim, is this how you want to be referred to? Cute?

Jim: No, not unless it’s by Sandburg.

Blair: Oh man, you are cute.

Jim: // kissing him this time // Thanks, Chief. I love you.

Joel: You are cute, you can’t help it. You get around Blair and just go soft.

Blair: Now wait a minute, he’s never soft when he’s around me.

Jim: Blair not now.

Blair: Well duh. I know we can’t do it now.

Jim: Blair…

Simon: I told you it was going to get worse, but would you listen? No…

Conner: God, they are too cute for words.

Rafe: Jesus this makes me sick.

Blair: Screw you, Rafe

Simon: Do you suppose we could actually answer a question and move on?

Brown: Okay, yes Jim I’ll let you help me work out so I can get rid of some of my belly.

Rafe: My belly is perfect.

Simon: Give it a few years, Rafe.

Rafe: Nope, not going to happen. I don’t like flab and fat.

Joel: So you’re saying you don’t like the way I look?

Rafe: Wait, I never said you were fat.

Joel: I’m overweight, I know that. Jim I might take you up on the workout routine too.

Conner: Joel, believe me, we’ll get that weight off soon enough. You’ve lost ten pounds since dating me, right?

Joel: that’s true. God she’s better than working out any day.

Conner: Thanks, babe.

Simon: God, please move on.





Conner: Tanks would be far easier to rent.

Jim: Why are you looking at me and laughing, Conner?

Conner: This one screams Ellison; don’t you all think?

Blair: Yup. If he had his way he’d have a tank.

Joel: Couldn’t you see the headlines now? Mad Sentinel runs wild and kills everyone in his path.

Simon: // laughing // Very good picture Joel. Jim you have to agree, you’re a very aggressive driver.

Jim: So?

Blair: So that makes you a perfect candidate for wanting a tank.

Jim: Geeze, I have road rage once and you all hold it against me forever.

Rafe: Once? Come on Ellison, you’re a walking advertisement for Road Rage.

Jim: Oh shut up.

Simon: He’s right Jim.

Blair: // laughing // Jim, I don’t agree. I think that you’re sometimes calm while driving.

Jim: Blair, don’t even go there, do you understand me?

Conner: What? Don’t go where?

Joel: Yeah we want to hear.

Blair: Well…

Jim: Shut up, Sandburg, I mean it.

Simon: You shut up Ellison. Now tell us, Sandburg.

Blair: // smiling coyly at his sentinel // I’ve found that the only thing that calms Jim when he’s nervous while driving is sucking his cock.

Simon: Oh shit. You give him blowjobs while working?

Jim: Shut up, Chief. I mean it.

Rafe: Shit, I wish I had a partner that I would want to suck me off while working.

Brown: Hey are you saying you don’t want me to do it?

Rafe: Ewwww.

Brown: // Laughing hard // Sorry Jim. I couldn’t pass this one up.

Jim: You guys go ahead and laugh it up, but know that I’m the one that’s getting this done and none of you.

Simon: As of tomorrow Sandburg is going to ride with someone new every day.

Jim: Just because you don’t approve of what we do, doesn’t mean you can take him away from me.

Simon: Oh I approve, I want to pass him around.

Joel: Jim it wouldn’t be good to punch your boss.

Jim: Take that back right now, Simon.

Simon: Fine, I’m sorry Sandburg. I was just joking.

Blair: It’s okay.

Conner: This is interesting. We start out talking about tanks, go to road rage and end up talking about blowjobs and sharing.

Jim: Shut up Conner.

Simon: Might be a good time to move on.







Conner: Two words... "Ally McNaked."

Rafe: Ewwww. She’s too fucking thin for anything. I couldn’t have fun with her even if I wanted to.

Brown: I totally agree with Rafe. She’s the skinniest person I’ve ever seen. Man she makes Conner look heavy and we all know that Conner looks great while in the locker room. // blushing //

Joel: Excuse me, why are you looking at my woman in the locker room?

Brown: She wasn’t your woman then.

Simon: I think Ally McBeal is too skinny too. And I think she’s a whiny nutjob.

Joel: I second that. I like meat on my woman. And she has it in all of the right places.

Conner: Babe you’re going to get treated so nicely tonight.

Joel: Goody.

Jim: Goody?

Rafe: Goody?

Simon: Goody?

Brown: // laughing hysterically. // Goody?

Joel: You have a problem with me saying goody?

Jim: It just doesn’t sound like something that would come out of your mouth.

Joel: I can’t help it Jim. She does this to me. Babe you’re going to pay for this tonight.

Conner: Oh goody.

Simon: I think we all agree that Ally McBeal is too skinny, whiny and just all around weird for us. Next?



Conner: When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine.
As in:

Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop :"Nice one, That's $10.00 off".

Jim: I don’t think that one is funny.

Blair: You wouldn’t. It’s a hoot, Conner.

Rafe: I don’t think it’s funny either.

Brown: I think it’s a riot too.

Joel: See I don’t see the humor in it either.

Jim: That one is stupid.

Conner: And like the others aren’t?

Jim: That’s true.

Simon: Well I think it’s dumb also. We all agree, lets go to the next one.

Blair: I didn’t agree with you. And neither did Brown.

Brown: I think they don’t want to talk about what stick in the muds they are.

Blair: Man that reminds me of a mud story.

Jim: Shut up, Sandburg.

Simon: Shit, I can’t believe I’m going to do this but tell us.

Jim: No he’s shutting up right now.

Simon: Tell us later?

Blair: Sure for a price.

Jim: Very funny, Chief.

Blair: // kissing Jim soundly // Don’t worry man, no one will know our secrets about rolling in the mud.

Conner: Sandy can I talk to you after this?

Blair: Sure. Everything all right?

Conner: Yeah, I just want to hear about the rolling in the mud. Sounds kinky.

Jim: I’m never going to live this one down.

Simon: May as well just get used to being embarrassed, Ellison.





Conner: It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

Jim: See this one’s stupid too.

Blair: Wait a minute Jim. If you had a chance to take a really hot sports car as long as you returned it with a full tank of gas, you wouldn’t want to take it for a spin?

Jim: Okay, maybe.

Blair: There you go. It’s not a job, it’s a fucking adventure.

Simon: I think it’s stupid.

Brown: I love the idea.

Rafe: I think it’s stupid too.

Brown: That’s cuz you already have a sports car, Rafe.

Conner: God, that is too funny.

Joel: How do you feel about someone taking it and returning it with a full tank of gas?

Rafe: I’d shoot them if I caught them.

Simon: Now see I think it’s funny being reminded of your sports car. We should make this new rule starting tonight.

Rafe: Very funny, Simon.




Conner: Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!"

Jim: Stupid. This makes men sound cheap and useless.

Blair: And the point is?

Jim: Shut up Sandburg.

Conner: So do you agree or not, Sandy?

Blair: I think it makes men look cheap and insensitive.

Rafe: Who said we want to be sensitive?

Joel: I would never do that to Meg.

Conner: Thank you sweetie.

Jim: So what’s the difference between cheap and useless and cheap and insensitive?

Blair: Big difference big guy. Buy me one of those foam hands and I’ll show you.

Jim: // kneeling down in front of Blair, he pulled out a small box // Blair how would you like to marry me?

Blair: // speechless and with tears running down his face // Man, I love you so much. // opening the ring box // Oh man, this is a beautiful ring, Jim. And there’s a matching one for you?

Jim: // getting up // So is that yes?

Blair: Oh yeah, big man.

Jim: Good, I love you so much baby. Yes, I have a matching one for me.

Simon: So are you going to have a ceremony?

Conner: Oh can I help?

Jim: Conner I’d let you do the whole thing if you wanted to. I hate that part of it. I just love to be with him, I don’t want to plan a wedding.

Blair: Brown, you could bring your Mom.

Brown: // laughing // Yes, I could. She’d be proud to be there.

Rafe: Jim are you sure about this?

Jim: Got a problem with it Rafe?

Rafe: Nope. I just think you’re nuts.

Jim: Oh thanks for that vote of confidence.

Rafe: // hugging Jim quickly // Congratulations, Ellison.

Jim: // shocked // Thanks, Rafe.

Rafe: // hugging Blair this time // Congratulations Sandburg and take good care of him okay?

Jim: Oh man, wuss puss alert.

Simon: I have to say, you sounded a lot like one of us wusses just now.

Rafe: I think it’s contagious. Shit. Am I going to hear the end of this soon?

Jim: Nope.

Blair: Not a chance.

Simon: This is too good to let it just slide on by.

Rafe: Shit.

Joel: Rafe I think you’re doing just fine.

Rafe: This is from another wuss puss. Somehow that doesn’t make me feel that good.

Brown: // laughing // Rafe you best just shut up while you’re ahead.



Conner: When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

Joel: Babe, I would never want that from you?

Conner: You’re such a sweet romantic man.

Rafe: That’s a wuss puss in English.

Conner: Shove it, Rafe.

Jim: You go, girl.

Blair: You tell him, Megan

Simon: I would never want anything like that out of a relationship. Unless of course it was Joan we’re talking about.

Jim: Well I have to admit, I wouldn’t mind laughing about that one, Simon.

Brown: I wouldn’t even want this either. I think it’s stupid.

Rafe: I swear to god, you’re all turning into wusses more every day. I would love this idea.

Simon: Sit down Conner.

Conner: Just let me hit him once.

Simon: No. No hitting.

Jim: He never lets us have any fun does he?

Conner: No he doesn’t.

Simon: I swear it’s like being around kids all day and night long sometimes.

Blair: Hey don’t count me in. I didn’t say that.




Conner: Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you."

Jim: No way. I’d be pissed off.

Rafe: Puss alert.

Jim: Shut up Rafe, that’s getting old.

Rafe: So are you, but we still let you hang around.

Jim: I’ll show you old, you little fucker.

Rafe: How do you know if I’m a little fucker unless you were looking. Ewwww.

Jim: That’s not what I meant and you know it.

Rafe: Sandburg, did you know that he looks?

Blair: Shut up Rafe.

Brown: I found this very offensive. Makes us look uncaring and unloving.

Rafe: And?

Brown: Rafe someday you’re going to find someone and have to actually be nice to her.

Jim: Nah. Won’t happen.

Simon: I would never say this one either. Conner, time to move this along. I’m tired. I’m older than most of you.

Joel: Wait a minute. I’m older and I’m not tired. But I would like to leave soon.

Conner: Okay, I’ll see if we can’t hurry this along then.

Jim: OH geeze, more het humor.

Blair: Gotta love them.




Conner: "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night," would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

Simon: What this isn’t? You guys use this all the time.

Rafe: I don’t use it.

Simon: Yes you have.

Rafe: When?

Simon: Lets see about a week ago when you broke up with what’s her name.

Rafe: // looking sad // Thanks for reminding me, Simon.

Simon: Sorry. That just slipped out.

Brown: Have I used it before?

Simon: Not that I know of Henry.

Jim: How about me?

Simon: Oh yeah.

Blair: Now would this be before or after me?

Simon: That would be before you.

Blair: Gotta love those BS days eh Jim?

Jim: Can’t say as I miss them at all, baby.

Blair: God, I love when you sweet talk me.

Rafe: Man you’re easy if you think that was sweet talk.

Blair: I am easy.

Jim: He is.

Rafe: Well I walked right into that one, didn’t I?

Simon: Yes. Yes you did.




Conner: Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

Jim: I for one think that’s mean, insensitive and cruel.

Blair: I’m in total agreement.

Simon: Same here.

Joel: I agree also.

Brown: I agree.

Rafe: Well I’m not going to be the only one. Yeah, yeah. It’s mean. I would never think, say or do this.



Conner: Okay, mates, this is the first one that we all totally agreed on. I’m so very proud of you guys. There was no hitting, punching or poking eyes out during this one.

Jim: Want me to change that, Conner?

Conner: No, I just wanted to thank you all for doing this each week. You’re all the best. Especially Joel.

Joel: Let’s go home and I’ll show you how good.

Simon: Oh god, and I thought Sandburg and Ellison were sickening.

Jim: I think they’re cute.

Blair: So do I.

Brown: I agree.

Rafe: Agreement again. Can we leave now?

Simon: I couldn’t have put it better myself. See you all tomorrow.



END