Title: Shameless

Author: Angela

Fandom: The Sentinel

Pairing: Jim/Blair

Rating: PG

Challenge:

Status: Complete

Archive: WWOMB

Feedback: Yes

Email Address: ladybug74873@hotmail.com

Series/Sequel: if you want any

Disclaimers: They aren’t mine. Petfly and UPN own them

Summary: Blair seen through Jim’s eyes.

Warnings: none that I know of

Notes: none

Further Disclaimer: Shameless is owned by Garth Brooks


Shameless
by Angela

I am so shameless. Shameless over my love for Blair Sandburg. He has made me that way. He has led me through life kicking and screaming. And despite all of that I could never see myself as the person I was before. The man before I hate. I was on a road of self-destruction before my little professor came along.

When Blair came along it was like a freight train hitting me square in the chest. He was and still is a little whorl wind. He has such an enthusiasm for life and love. Who would’ve thought that I would have fallen for this man I am watching on that very first day when he masqueraded as a doctor. Who would’ve thought it would take me throwing Blair up against a wall for both of us to realize that we needed each other. I know at first I thought I didn’t need him for very long. But as he integrated himself into my life I saw Blair as more than just my Guide for my Sentinel senses. I would not have thought that it would have taken us a year and a few threats from Simon for both of us to take that next step in our relationship.

I have not ever regretted that desicion Blair hasn’t either. We have become closer as we explore our relationship both personally and professionally.
The one thing that has changed is Blair’s dissertation. He realized that he couldn’t keep my identity safe and switched topics. He said he had enough about the atmosphere in police stations to write two or three dissertations. I believe him. His original work is locked up safely from prying eyes. He will someday publish it when he thinks it will be safe enough. He’s right you know. Now he has a Ph.D. and works with the police department on a case-by-case basis. He is our profiler and consultant. And he loves it just as much as the first day that he started to observe at the department. I chuckle a little remembering his excitement over being there. I suppose it was all-new.

I hear a sigh and look towards the kitchen where Blair has been preparing our meal. I have to smile. He has flour everywhere including on himself. He has always been good in the kitchen. He isn’t so bad in the bedroom either. But that’s another story. I chuckle softly at him. It’s typical really. Even though he appears unorganized and messy, Blair really isn’t. He is organized. He just has a way of doing it. I think it’s called being the disorganized organizer if there is such a thing. It does amaze me though still that he is a little tornado in everything he does.

My anthropologist has made me see more of life than I care to talk about. And that’s the one the thing he has gotten me to do more of is talk. I used to shut people out and not talk at all. You would think that I was being repressed and maybe I was. But I was only doing what my background had taught me. He has taught me to open up more. To tell people the way I feel or tell someone my opinion despite what they might think. It took me along time to get used to that. If someone had taken an acute dislike to one of my opinions I would clam up and not talk at all. And then I would feel uncomfortable and make that other person the same way. But Blair said that was all right everyone had the right to his or her own say in life. I guess he’s right about that.

The one thing he has really done and I know a lot of people are grateful for this is that he taught me how to live. He has shown me more experiences than I can count. He has shown me how to love and live. I remember one time we had went on vacation and I didn’t want to try the horseback riding but Blair being Blair pushed me until I relented. Once I tried it I found I liked to ride horses. Now when I get the chance to go horseback riding I take it and take Mister Boy Wonder with me. But sometimes he can’t come because of prior commitments. He also has shown me that there is more out there to learn too. I have learned about so many cultures and not just the ones we see now but some of the obscure ones that I am beginning to think I need my PH.D too. But that information comes in handy during cases. You see Blair is a fount of information. Even the littlest thing can help break a case. And Blair gloats when he is right about something. But that’s not really him. I think sometimes he just likes to to get Simon’s goat. It works every time. And then I get the Captain glare. I know then that I need to do something with Blair. I know it’s frowned upon to do anything that would be deemed sexual in the workplace but sometimes just kissing Blair tends to leave him speechless and a little confused. That’s when I take charge and get us both out of Simon’s office with the good Captain yelling at us to get a room. Wouldn’t he like to know?

I digress. Blair is the most life-experienced person I know of his age. I have never seen someone that has experienced life like he has. With his upbringing it really shouldn’t surprise me. What really surprises me is that there are some things that Blair just doesn’t know with all that experience. He sees all the good in everyone. I know that there are good people out there but in my job all I see is the bad. And what surprises me even more is the way Blair has come out of all his experiences with me when he observed for the department. With all that was ever done to him, Blair is still the same person. He is still excited about anything that comes across his path.

I look up when I hear a rustle. Blair has come to join me on the couch. Cuddle time is here. As I watch him come towards me, what gets me is he is even more bouncy than usual. But that’s Blair. All bounce and curls. No wonder some of the guys call him Tigger. But that is how you would describe him. He is like Tigger. He bounces everywhere. He is movement and motion. Even his hands and arms move when he talks. The one place I have seen him still is in bed. Not when we are making love but when he sleeps. He is so peaceful and quiet. That is truly amazing. To watch Blair just makes you tired. I could never tire of him.

He is speaking to me and I tune him in. But my thoughts are about him and how he has changed my life. He has changed it for the better. I see things more. I appreciate things and people more. And thanks to him I have better relationships with my father and brother. He is still encouraging me as far as Dad and Stephen go. I smile down at him. I am not really listening to the words but to Blair’s voice. His voice is what brings me back from the brink of a zone. His voice soothes me when I have nightmares or when I need calming on a case.

I need Blair like I need air to breath. He is my night and day. He is the one person who keeps me sane. I don’t know what would happen if he hadn’t walked into the doctor’s office that day. I probably would have gone to an institution. Thankfully that was avoided. He is my light. He is the light at the end of the tunnel. He is the person who greets me with a smile and kiss whether I have had a good or bad day. That’s Blair’s way. He doesn’t let anything get him down. I know sometimes I need to take that advice and not let anything get me down. It’s hard sometimes but I know that I have him at home to lighten my days and give my evenings some solitude.

He loves people for who they are not what they are. Blair loves unconditionally and it’s returned back to him. I know that there are cops in the department that would lay down their lives for Blair. I don’t think Blair realizes it but I do. I know what our friends would do for both of us. Blair isn’t one to let someone go without something. He either has a kind word or a hug. He won’t let anyone go without if they need something. He usually will volunteer. He gives of himself more times than I can count.

He has stopped talking to me and now is looking up at me with a look that tells me I might just be in trouble. I give him my best Ellison smile and he ignores it. I better put on the Ellison charm before I have to sleep on the couch tonight. Like that would ever happen. “Blair?”

“You haven’t heard a word I have said, have you.”

I have been busted. I really didn’t hear a word but I don’t want to admit it. But if I want to be in our bed tonight I better be honest with him.

“Yes, but I have a reason.”

“What’s that.”

“You.”

“Me”

He eyes me like I have lost my mind. Maybe I have but it was for a good cause. He doesn’t say anything else so I guess I am off the hook for now. I smile at him but it turns into a yawn. I am tired from my long day and am ready for bed. I gestured towards the loft and Blair nods his head in agreement. He puts away the remains of dinner and cleans up while I lock up the loft. Neither one of us will want to make love tonight. We are both tired. We have had a long week. Maybe this weekend in between errands we’ll get in some time to be intimate.

Sometime later finds me looking at Blair while he sleeps. I feel so shameless about my love and joy for Blair. He has given me a reason to live and a reason to love for others. He has shown me a better side to life. He has shown me many experiences and has led me down the winding road of life. He has joined me on many cases that could have taken his life but some how he has survived.

My beautiful Blair. I am so shameless over you. My life would be nothing and I think you know it. I will always turn to you when everything seems to be going dark.

I kiss the curls and settle down beside him. I drift off to sleep with thoughts of my gentle and brave Guide.



The end