by Morgana
Email: morganalebeau@yahoo.com
Fandom: The Sentinel
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Jim/Blair
Summary: Now that Jim and Blair finally admitted they love each other, Blair concentrates on healing during his stay at St. Sebastian's. However, Brad Ventriss is after revenge.
Series: This is the sequel to 'Retreat'.
Disclaimer: The Sentinel is a creation by Danny Bilson and Paul DeMeo and belongs to Paramount Pictures, Pet Fly Productions & UPN.
Retreat 2: Rebuilding The Trust
by Morgana
"Brother Jim?" Cautiously, Brother Frederick peeked at the two men lying in bed. The way they were curled up together, almost made the monk blush. Although he'd joined the order ten years ago, he hadn't forgotten about the real world where same sex relationships existed. The order had also taught him that only God had the right to judge and he wouldn't judge Blair and Jim, not for being in love.
The soft voice woke Jim, who quickly looked up to locate the source of the disturbance. Brother Frederick stood in the doorway, giving them a shy look. Only then Jim realized that he was still holding Blair in his arms, the younger man tightly locked in an embrace.
"It's time for his meds," Frederick explained, feeling a little awkward. But as he looked at Blair, who seemed at peace with the world, he smiled warmly. So, this was the reason why Blair had fled the world to seek refuge in the monastery. He should have known! The last time the two men had visited, Brother Marcus had already pointed out their closeness to him.
Jim watched as Frederick put the tray down onto the table. "I'll take care of it."
Pleased, Frederick nodded his head. "Also, make sure he drinks the water and orange juice. The doctor told us that he needs liquids. Dinner will be served in 30 minutes." After uttering those words he silently slipped outside, giving them the privacy they obviously needed.
"Blair? Blair? Wake up, Chief." Amused, Jim watched him struggle, as Blair tried hard not to wake up. "Time to take your pills." While holding Blair to his chest, Jim pulled him slowly into a sitting position. Blair's soft protests made him smile. "I need to get to the tray, Chief." Azure eyes, filled with disbelief, stared into his.
"Jim?" Blair blinked his eyes. "Am I still dreaming? Yeah, that must be it," he mumbled, disorientated. Looking about, he tried to remember where he was. Where was Brother Marcus and didn't he fall asleep with a wolf in his arms?
"Blair? Sweetheart?" Jim smiled warmly. "I'm real, you know." Seeing disbelief in those breathtaking eyes worried him, wanting to see love in its place. "I came for you, remember?"
"Did you really call me sweetheart?" Blair quipped, suddenly very much aware of the hard and warm body against his. "This isn't a dream?" He could sleep for all eternity in Jim's arms, even if the man was only a hallucination.
Jim raised a hand to brush a stray look from Blair's face and the younger man trembled at the touch. "I'm really here, Blair."
Reaching out a hesitant hand, Blair touched Jim's face and gasped, feeling warm flesh beneath his fingertips. "The jaguar?" he asked, remembering bits and pieces from their earlier conversation.
"He was quite pissed off that I let you go, Chief. He kicked my ass."
"How did you find me?" Jim had told him, but he didn't remember everything yet. Their earlier conversation was a little blurry. "The rosary, right?" he whispered, remembering the jaguar had showed Jim Brother Jeremy's parting gift.
Jim nodded his head once. "How could I ever let you go? I should never have left the hospital, no matter how stubborn you acted." He still hadn't forgiven himself for screwing up like that. "But now that I have you, you're mine, Blair." The expression in Blair's eyes took him aback.
"I always wanted that, to be yours," Blair clarified as he released Jim, who was retrieving the water and meds. "Before the fountain I..." Blair's voice trailed off as bad memories took over.
"My fault, Blair. Telling you to leave was the biggest mistake I ever made. You didn't have a place to go when she came for you," Jim whispered remorsefully. "But I hoped you would be safe once you were away from me. I was so convinced that I was going to cause your death and... I did."
Blair felt uncomfortable discussing this. "We can't change the past, Jim." He accepted the older man's support, sitting up and obediently swallowed his pills, emptying the glass of water.
"Why didn't you take your meds, Blair?" Jim ventured at last, fearing the answer. He eased Blair back against his chest and laid down again, his arms wrapped around his lover.
"I really didn't care," Blair offered in a tiny voice. "When we were in Sierra Verde I had them with me, but... what was the point in taking them? Alex had killed me and... you still wanted her."
The hurt that sprung from Blair's eyes was deep and honest. "Chief," Jim started, "I never wanted to want her. I still think it was a test. A test I failed. But you're my light, Blair, and you're the only one I want."
Blair's eyes pleaded for an explanation. "Why now? Why realize that now? Is it because I left?" His jaw hurt from talking, but he needed those answers. He didn't want to think about how good it felt to rest in Jim's arms. This was where he belonged, he always had.
"You're a man, Blair," Jim said eventually, blushing slightly. "I've never been in love with a man before. I've never thought about you in that way." He knew they needed to address this, but it reminded him of his failures and he desperately wanted to make a new start and leave all that behind.
Blair smiled, understanding Jim's emotional turmoil. "I've never been in love with a man before either, Jim. I love women, love how soft they feel. But with you it's different. It hurts to be apart from you. You're all I can think of."
Tenderly, Jim rubbed Blair's back in soothing strokes. Feeling bruised flesh underneath his fingertips, it stirred his guilt. "I should have been there to stop that bastard."
"Uh?" Blair mumbled, wondering what Jim was talking about now. "Stop whom?"
"Ventriss," Jim hissed. "He did this to you." His fingers gently traced the bruises on Blair's face. Sentinel fingers felt the heat the bruises radiated and it infuriated him. "I'll get even with him for this."
"I love it when you get protective of me," Blair murmured, "but keep your cool, man. Ventriss has money."
"I don't care about that. Simon wants to nail the son of a bitch and we'll drag his sorry ass to jail." Jim made sure his lover was warm and readjusted the comforter and blankets. "But you need to heal first, babe." Blair's eyes lit up at that little word. "You like that? My calling you babe?"
"Waited so many years to hear you say it, big guy," Blair confessed in a strangled tone. "And now that it's happening, I can't believe it will last."
"It will, babe. You're mine now and no one will take you away from me." Jim caught footfalls in the corridor and realized that it was dinnertime. "Are you hungry?" he inquired, as someone knocked on the door. "Yes?"
Brother Marcus entered the room with a bright smile on his face. He quickly noticed the healthy blush on Blair's face. "You seem better, young man." He set the tray down on the chair, looking down at them with amusement. "You will heal now, won't you?"
"Yes," Blair quipped softly, hoping that finding Jim in bed with him didn't offend Marcus. These monks were open- minded, but... this might have been too much.
Marcus saw Blair's discomfort and reacted quickly. "Love is rare, Blair, and I think the two of you make a cute couple." Hopefully that reassured Blair.
Blair cleared his throat and winced at the discomfort that action caused his ribs. "Thanks," he mumbled sincerely. "But we can leave if this... if Jim and I..."
"Blair, calm down," Marcus chuckled. "And eat dinner." He left them alone, wishing them a good night's rest and closed the door behind him.
"That went well," Jim whispered, and quickly identified the ingredients of the vegetable soup on the tray. There was also a loaf of freshly baked bread. "Does your jaw still hurt, babe?" That might have been the reason why the monks opted for soup.
"Yeah, it does... when I talk too much." His statement caused them both to laugh softly and Blair remembered something he'd said when they'd last visited the monastery. "No vow of silence for me, man."
Jim laughed warmly. "You're going to eat now and then it's back to sleep. Cagedy prescribed bed rest, remember?" Blair cringed at he mention of that name. "He didn't want you to leave the hospital."
"I know that," Blair whispered in a guilty tone. "But I couldn't stay there."
"Why not?" Jim managed to balance the tray on Blair's lap after pulling the younger man against his chest in an upright position. Brother Marcus had been kind enough to put two bowls on the tray and Jim relished the enjoyable taste. "Do you need help?"
"I don't know," Blair said honestly and tried to curl his fingers around the spoon. Relieved, he lifted the spoon and tasted the soup. "They plan on fattening me up here," he quipped.
"You could use some extra weight, Blair. You have been skipping meals."
"You noticed?" Blair was surprised. "Didn't know you were paying attention."
"Sorry about not showing up for dinner occasionally..." Jim remembered too many times when he got home too late and found dinner in the oven. "I'm really sorry for not being there when you needed me. I should have known about the meds, about you losing weight, about your problems with Ventriss, but I chose not to see it." Briefly, self-loathing was palpable in the room. "I'm so sorry, Blair."
"Hey, I've made mistakes too," Blair quickly reassured him, food forgotten. Only the obvious pain in Jim's expression counted. "I should have told you about Alex and..." He choked, remembering the hand that had pushed him face down into the water.
"Hey, babe," Jim soothed him, quickly realizing what memories were taking over. "You said that we can't change the past, but we can make the best of the present and our future."
"Our future," Blair repeated the words, tasting them for the first time. "Do you think we have one?"
Jim's eyes started to water at that question. "Of course we have a future together, babe..." He recomposed himself, unwilling to give into Blair's melancholy. "Eat your soup, Blair."
They ate in companionable silence, sometimes stealing a quick glance at the other. Both finished the soup and put the bowls back onto the tray. Jim moved to better accommodate his lover. "Are you comfortable?"
"Jim... man... I need to use the bathroom," Blair whispered embarrassed. "I need your help. Last time I tried I was really wobbly on my feet."
"Sure," Jim quickly adjusted his plans and helped Blair out of bed. He supported the younger man and opened the bathroom door for him. He wanted to follow Blair inside, but his lover gave him a warning glance.
"This I can manage on my own, Jim!"
Blair's tone puzzled Jim, but then he realized that Blair felt ashamed because he needed help. Maybe Blair even felt a little shy about his body? "Sure, Chief. I will wait here." He closed the door, but used his senses to monitor the younger man, ready to storm inside should Blair take a fall. "Everything okay in there, Chief?"
"Yes, man! Give me a moment here!" Blair sighed and rolled his eyes. He relieved himself and washed his hands. Drained, he leaned against the wall. He'd overestimated his strength. "Jim?" he whispered softly to go easy on his injured ribs, knowing sentinel ears would easily pick up on the word.
"Blair?" Jim marched inside. He found Blair clinging to the wall, obviously battling exhaustion. A layer of sweat had formed on the younger man's face and he was about to collapse. Acting quickly Jim scooped him up in his arms, listening for a moan that would tell him whether this position was putting too much pressure on Blair's ribs. "Okay?"
Blair whimpered a soft yes and closed his eyes, resting his head against the powerful chest. "This feels nice." As he floated through the room, he listened to Jim's steady heartbeat and wondered whether he would have found the strength to carry on if Jim hadn't come for him.
"Careful now," Jim muttered as he lay Blair down on the bed. "Mind if I get a little comfortable here, Chief?"
Blair gave him a confused smile as Jim stepped out of his slacks. "What are you doing, man?" He couldn't help himself, he giggled. "It's the meds, Jim..." But his giggling abruptly stopped when Jim also removed his shirt, now only wearing a tee shirt and boxers. "Oh man..." This felt so surreal! For years he'd dreamed about Jim loving him and now that he had it, he felt shy.
"Are you ready to turn in for the night, babe?" Jim sat on the side of the bed, raising an eyebrow at Blair's fierce blush.
"Yeah, meds are going to knock me out any moment now." Blair sighed deeply, wishing he could run his fingertips over those muscular arms.
"Before I get into bed with you... is there anything you need? Anything I should get?"
"Just some water, Jim. Always wake up thirsty."
"I'll be back in a sec." Jim headed for the kitchen, not bothering to get dressed first. He only encountered Marcus, who winked at him and Jim shook his head. These monks surprised him time and time again. If it hadn't been for that murder the last time they'd visited he would have had a great time here... //Can't tell Blair though... he would act too smug about it!//
Jim took some bottled water with him and returned to Blair's room. The younger man was almost asleep, already dozing off with a sly grin on his face. //He's been sleeping a lot since I got here,// Jim realized. //That must be a good sign. I can't even imagine how exhausted he must have been!//
He placed the water near the bed and then lifted the covers to slip into position behind Blair. "Have some sweet dreams, babe. You deserve them." He spooned his body into Blair's, pulling him close to his chest. Blair was warm and comfortable and he allowed himself to relax as well. It had been weeks since he'd had a good night's sleep. He had several nightmares after Blair had drowned.
Holding Blair he felt confident that he would only dream of his new lover. Blair was warm in his arms and although it was only 21.00, Jim felt drowsy. Blair's relaxed breathing coaxed him into sleep and he closed his eyes.
A soft growl echoed through the room as wolf and jaguar lay down in front of the bed to watch over sentinel and guide. The two animals exchanged pleased looks and curled up close to each other.
//I told you the Sentinel would come for him!// the wolf remarked, and rested his head on the jaguar's back. // Why did they fight this?//
The jaguar purred and licked his mate's fur. //The Guide's smart though. But the Sentinel needed... how do humans say that? He needed his butt kicked ? Something like that...//
The wolf looked up, hearing that expression. //But they still need us. The Guide is still in danger.//
//But the Sentinel will protect him now.// The jaguar yawned and teasingly bit into the wolf's tail, who gave him a questioning look.
//What are you up to?// The wolf rolled his eyes. //Forget about it!//
//I want to mate,// the jaguar sulked.
The wolf shook his head in disbelief. //You're letting the Sentinel affect you! The human wants to mate, not you!// But he couldn't deny feeling aroused too and that was the Guide's fault. //Lick my fur,// he offered and closed his eyes. //We need to be ready to warn them when the danger rises.//
Reluctantly, the jaguar gave in and licked the wolf's fur.
///
Jim was the first to open his eyes. His instincts kicked in and sentinel eyes quickly scanned his surroundings. He registered two heartbeats close to the door and as he looked up, he saw Jeremy and Marcus. Both monks were silently watching them. Shit, were they startled to find him in bed with Blair? Marcus had seemed okay with it, but what about Jeremy?
He focused his senses on Blair and found his lover still soundly asleep. "You can come inside," he told the two monks, who hesitantly accepted the invitation.
"We brought his meds and breakfast," Jeremy offered, trying hard not to show his confusion at finding the two men curled up like this. Unlike Marcus, he had never suspected Blair and Jim were in love.
"Thanks," Jim said and stretched carefully. He didn't really know what to say, except for... "I love him."
Marcus smiled reassuringly. "It's not our place to judge," and peeked at Jeremy, who slowly nodded his head. "You're both welcome to stay in case you're wondering."
"Thanks again." Jim smiled. "Also thanks for taking such good care of Blair."
"He found a way into our hearts," Jeremy admitted, //and nothing will ever change that.//
"Maybe Blair will want to sit outside for a while?" Marcus suggested. "It promises to be a beautiful day."
"Yeah, I think he would like that. But first he needs a shower!" Jim grinned. The comforter and blankets had created quite a sauna.
"I doubt you'll need our help bathing him," Marcus remarked teasingly, and gestured Jeremy to follow him as he left the room. He no longer worried about Blair. The young man was in the best hands.
Jim lovingly pressed a kiss against the nape of Blair's neck and inhaled his lover's scent. "I love you, babe," he whispered, remembering the way Blair had reacted earlier to hearing that little nickname. "And I want to wake up holding you in my arms for the rest of my life."
Jim's voice woke Blair and the first thing he felt were strong arms, holding him safely. "Jim?" he carefully cocked his head and smiled at his lover. "Not a dream, huh?"
"Not a dream," Jim assured him and brushed Blair's lips with his. "You're going to take your meds, but first you need to take a bath."
Blair blushed. "I guess that means undressing me?" Was he ready to stand naked in front of his new lover?
"Never realized you were so shy," Jim teased.
"Only with you."
"Why?" Puzzled, Jim traced the inside of Blair's lips with his tongue. "I've seen you almost naked before... and that towel didn't leave much to the imagination, Chief."
"It's different now," Blair tried to explain. "We're lovers now, aren't we?" After Jim nodded his head, Blair continued, "What if you don't like what you see?"
"I'll like it," Jim promised and licked his lips. "I love everything about you, babe."
"Okay then," Blair gave in with a sigh. "I guess I really need that shower." He had been sweating all night and he wondered how Jim could bear the rather pungent smell.
Jim pushed the comforter out of his way and helped Blair sit up. "Just let me do the work this once. Okay, Chief?"
"Like I have a choice," Blair mumbled helplessly as Jim scooped him up again. "I can walk, you know."
"I'm not taking any chances." Jim set him down on the toilet seat and started the bath. As the hot water filled the bathtub he quickly inspected Blair's injuries. The bruises would fade in a few days and the ribs would also heal, but what about the trust between them? It was up to him to rebuild it. He'd broken it.
"You're shivering." Jim quickly removed Blair's sweats and kissed him. "You're beautiful, Blair, and that's the truth." His fingers teased the damp hair and he stole a glance at Blair's naked body. The younger man was still too skinny and once they'd returned to the loft he would continue to fatten him up.
Jim nervously cleared his throat as his eyes drifted lower, coming to rest on the limp cock nestled in the dark curls. "Beautiful," he repeated as he looked Blair in the eyes.
Blair blushed an even deeper shade of crimson as Jim picked him up and lowered him in the bathtub. He'd felt on fire when Jim's eyes had caressed his body, traveling down to his groin. Jim's warm eyes expressed so much affection that it stirred his groin, causing him to grow semi-erect. Thankfully, the water hid his arousal, but he was afraid that sentinel eyes would notice anyway.
He remained silent as Jim washed his hair, rinsed it and applied some conditioner. Only now he realized that Jim had put the bottles in the bathroom before carrying him in.
"I love your hair," Jim revealed nervously. "I love touching it. It has so many different colors, and the texture... it's amazing."
Blair's blush couldn't grow any deeper so he coughed nervously. Jim washing his hair was a dream come true, but he couldn't believe it was really happening. //What does he see in me?// Eventually, he looked up, searching Jim's eyes for the truth. What he saw in them took his breath away. Unconditional love shone from those blue eyes and he wondered if he had ever seen it before. Had he ever seen it in Naomi's eyes? "I love you, big guy," he whispered his admission, voice hoarse from emotion.
Jim spread some towels onto the floor and lowered Blair onto them. Within seconds he had cocooned the younger man's body up in the warm towels. He also wrapped one around Blair's hair to deal with the wet curls. After rubbing Blair dry he carried him back to the bed.
"I could get used to this, Jim." Blair whispered weakly. Just taking the bath had drained him and he still had to take his meds. That meant he would be asleep for the rest of the day and he hated it. "Can't we skip the meds?"
"No," Jim stated, resolved. He quickly removed the wet towels and tucked the blankets in around Blair's form. "Are you going to be okay here, babe? I want to take a shower myself." He supervised Blair swallowing his pills and then helped him eat breakfast.
"I'm okay, Jim. Go take that shower. I know you can't possibly want to spend the day looking after me when it's such great weather outside. Maybe you can shoot some ball with the brothers?" Blair felt bad for keeping Jim here all the time. "You need to stretch your legs, man."
Jim smiled and refrained from answering. He would help Blair downstairs later, after he took his own shower so his lover could sit in the warm sun. Blair was dozing again and Jim felt warm inside. Blair was getting all the sleep and attention he needed and was healing. He wouldn't leave Blair's side until the younger man had regained his former strength and stamina.
"Sleep tight, sleeping beauty," he whispered affectionately, and headed back to the bathroom to grab that shower.
The moment he left Blair's room, a black jaguar appeared next to the bed and settled down on the foot end, keeping Blair's icy toes warm.
///
Jim wasn't surprised to find the jaguar at the foot end of the bed. It seemed like every time he left Blair alone, a spirit guide appeared to watch over the younger man. It made Jim feel in control, knowing his lover was safe at all times. He didn't doubt that the jaguar or wolf would warn him in case of danger.
While drying his short hair, he walked over to Blair's bed and sat down on the side. Jim gave the jaguar a questioning look, but the spirit guide didn't react, just continued to move his chin over Blair's feet.
"Yeah, he has got cold feet, hasn't he?" Jim mused, remembering the icy toes from when he had gotten into bed with Blair earlier. "Are you going to continue to show up and then disappear again without warning?"
The jaguar simply gave him an exasperated look. //You ask mighty dumb questions for a Sentinel,// he mused. It was the animals' task to make sure the Guide was safe. He and the wolf took turns looking after Blair.
"He already looks better, don't you think?" Jim whispered as his right hand brushed Blair's still damp locks. "I almost lost him."
//Yes, because you were too stubborn to acknowledge the merge,// the jaguar replied mentally, hoping the Sentinel would instinctively feel danger creeping up on them when their enemy made his move. //Time to leave,// he realized, feeling the wolf's call.
Jim watched silently as the jaguar lost stability, growing more transparent with every passing moment. "I'll take care of him, I promise." Jim got to his feet and changed into a tee shirt he'd brought along and then slipped beneath the covers, spooning behind Blair, pulling his lover close to his chest. A look at the clock told him it was only 11 AM, but he felt beat as well. Getting a few hours of extra sleep sounded perfect. Jim smiled, as Blair snuggled up to him.
"I'm here, babe," he whispered reassuringly, as Blair remained soundly asleep. He felt relieved that Blair apparently felt safe enough to relax in his arms. After all the mistakes he'd made, he felt like he no longer deserved Blair's unconditional trust and love.
Blair wiggled closer and Jim felt completely at ease, holding his lover in his arms. "I'll be here when you wake up and then we'll catch some fresh air." Sentinel hearing told him that some brothers were moving about outside, tending to their gardens and other chores. "You'll love sitting in the sun, believe me."
Jim told himself that they were only going to be asleep for one, maximum two hours. Then he would dress Blair and carry his lover outside. But for now, he settled for holding Blair and stroking his soft hair.
///
Jim woke two hours later because Blair was gingerly moving about in his arms. Immediately, he checked Blair's brow for a fever. "What's wrong, babe?"
Blair smiled weakly, hearing that last word. He'd waited to hear it for so long! "Getting restless. Man, I don't want to stay in bed all day!"
"Want to sit outside and watch us play ball?" Jim suggested, moving a little bit away from Blair to peek at the younger man's face. He didn't detect any fever and that reassured him. It seemed like the meds Cagedy prescribed were working. Every time Blair woke up, his lover looked a little more rested.
"I would like that, sit and watch. I don't think I can play with you guys just yet." With utmost care Blair managed to roll onto his back so he could look into Jim's eyes. "Thanks for coming after me. I never expected it."
The sad thing was that Jim knew it was the truth. When Blair had left Cascade he'd thought Jim would never try to catch up with him. "I'm so sorry, Blair," was all he managed. How could he ever rebuild the trust to its old level?
Blair caught the depressed expression and smiled encouragingly. "Think you can get me into some sweats, big guy?" The ribs still hurt and his temples sometimes exploded with unexpected pain, but he was getting better.
"Sure." Reluctantly Jim let go and got out of the bed to retrieve Blair's sweats. He had some second thoughts on carrying Blair outside, remembering Cagedy had ordered bed rest. But seeing Blair like this, he knew Sandburg would go crazy confined to bed.
Blair allowed Jim to pull him upright and then grinned as Jim cautiously dressed him. "It's okay, Jim. I won't break," he reassured his lover.
Jim pushed back disconcerting thoughts, wondering how Blair really felt behind the cheerful mask. After getting Blair dressed, he tried to slip some sneakers onto Sandburg's feet, but had to give up, as one ankle was too swollen. "Ready to go?" he inquired, quickly sliding into his Nikes.
"Almost bouncing off the bed," Blair replied, wishing he had the energy to do some bouncing. "How long have I been cooped up here anyways?" Time was blurry.
"Almost four days, Chief. You really needed the rest." Jim pushed his hands beneath Blair's knees and back and carefully lifted him. "Can you open the door for me, Blair?"
"Sure, man," Blair whispered, relieved that he could help. Quickly he scanned the corridor, wondering if this was such a great idea after all. He felt ashamed for being this weak and vulnerable, and although the monks had been friendly and glad to see him, he felt a bit like an intruder.
Jim sensed Blair's growing agitation, but decided not to comment on it. Blair would tell him what was wrong when his lover was ready to do so. He'd pushed Blair for years, now he was letting his lover set the pace.
As Jim stepped outside, he smiled at the sight of the comfortable chair, placed in the shady section of the courtyard. It was close to the gardens where Brother Frederick was working. Gently, he lowered Blair into the chair and then draped the blanket, which had been lying on the ground, over his lover's body. "Comfortable, Chief?"
"More than comfortable." From the corner of his eye, Blair noticed that most monks were gathering in the courtyard. Brother Marcus was carrying a basketball, giving Jim a challenging look, which made Blair smile. "This time you can't dump any of them on my team, big guy."
Jim pretended annoyance and sighed. "Looks like they want a rematch," he stated pleased, looking forward to the game. It only saddened him that Blair couldn't participate.
"Brother Jim?" Brother Jeremy gave him a questioning look. "Will you join us?"
Eagerly Jim nodded his head. "Sure."
Blair watched, blissfully at peace with the entire world. Jim scored and the brothers tried to regroup. Blair didn't expect one of their spirit guides to show itself right then, but the wolf walked up to him, settling down next to his chair, watching the game.
//Hello again,// Blair thought, deciding against speaking aloud. He didn't want the monks to think that he was going crazy. //Why are you back? Is something wrong?// However, he didn't get a reply... not that he expected one anyway. //Wished I could communicate with you,// he thought saddened.
The wolf's eyes followed the Sentinel's moves and barred his teeth, wondering if he could convince the jaguar to play a similar game with him later. They needed some exercise.
Jim, whose eyes regularly looked at Blair, immediately noticed the wolf's arrival and raised an eyebrow. He lost the ball and softly cursed as Brother Michael scored for the opposing team. That was what he got for allowing that wolf to distract him!
"Come on, big guy! You can do it!" Blair cheered him on, smiling warmly. //I'm not feeling this tired! I just got out of bed! This is embarrassing!// But the warm sun lured him into a pleasant doze and his eyes dropped shut.
As Jim looked again at Blair, he noticed the closed eyes and grinned. Blair was comfortable in that chair and sitting in the sun would do him good. He decided to continue the game and not carry Blair back to his room just yet.
///
Blair yawned, slowly waking up again. Man, he hadn't slept this much in years. Those meds messed him up! He heard the cheers and realized that Jim and the monks were still enjoying the game. If only he could be part of it. //Maybe later, once I'm feeling better.//
The wolf was no longer at his side and the jaguar wasn't around either. Apparently, they judged it safe for him to be without a spirit guide.
As his eyes followed Jim, Blair pondered the spirit guides. He'd only seen them once before and that had been during the merge, when Jim had brought him back from the dead. Had his death somehow opened a door, which made it easier for the animals to travel to the material plane? Why were they still here?
"Hey, Chief. I'm getting hungry. What about you?" Jim jogged towards his lover and sat on his heels in front of him. Damn, Blair looked radiant. All this sleep was paying off. "Do you feel better, Blair?"
"Yes," Blair acknowledged. "Every time I wake up, I feel better." It was the truth. "I think I'm healing, Jim." And yes, he was healing, but only because Jim was here. He didn't want to admit it, but he would probably have withered away if Jim hadn't come after him. "Thanks for being here," he whispered, feeling strangely emotional.
Jim patted his hand. "There's no place I'd rather be." The expression in Blair's eyes made him quaver. Only now he realized how much he craved touching the younger man, feeling Blair's soft skin beneath his fingertips. "Want to grab something to eat, Chief?"
Blair hesitated, uncertain. "Jim, I... am really tired... Do you think you could help me back to my room first? Ribs ache and I'd really like to lie down."
Blair's openness touched Jim deeply. Usually, Blair tried to hide his weaknesses, never asking for help, but this time Blair had expressed his needs and that pleased him. "Sure, I'll help you to your room first and then I will prepare our lunch."
"Sounds like a plan," Blair whispered, feeling more tired than he wanted Jim to know.
Jim ignored the offers to help from the monks and lifted Blair gently in his arms. "You better not get used to my carrying you about," he warned his younger lover.
"The loft has stairs, Jim," Blair reminded him and pointed at his ankle. He didn't want to tell Jim how much his ankle hurt, so he decided not to finish his sentence. Another, more unsettling thought started to haunt him. "I can come back to the loft, please? Or maybe..."
Jim cut him short, deeply staring into Blair's wavering eyes. "Babe," he whispered now that the monks were out of hearing range. "Of course I'm taking you back to the loft! How can you doubt that? You're going to sleep upstairs and we'll turn your old room into a study. You need a place to work on your dissertation!"
Blair avoided Jim's eyes as the older man lowered him onto his bed. "I haven't told you yet about the dissertation, have I?" he whispered, feeling distinctly uncomfortable.
"Blair?" Jim towered over Blair, shaking his head in apprehension. "Don't tell me..."
This time Blair jumped in there before Jim had a chance to speak his mind. "The dean told me that my attendance record sucked and that.... that... I lost my teaching fellowship," he explained to Jim. "No dissertation, big guy. No PhD."
Swallowing hard, Jim pulled up a chair and sat down. His legs no longer wanted to support him hearing this awful news. "They never complained about your attendance record before."
"That was before I filled a complaint against Brad Ventriss' fraudulent activities," Blair managed in a tiny tone. "Simon was right. All that counts in the 'real' world is money and I don't have it."
"Blair." Jim sighed heavily. "I want you to write that dissertation and get your PhD." It seemed such a waste of talent. Surely Blair couldn't give up now!
"I'll find a job to pay the rent I owe you, Jim." Blair pulled the covers up onto his chin and shivered. Suddenly it had turned icy cold in the little cell.
"Forget about the rent. I don't need the money, Blair and you know it." Jim studied his lover. "Try getting back with the program? Surely the dean..."
"Ventriss got her in his back pocket, man. Don't you get it? Ventriss is going to donate a huge sum of money so Rainier can build that new wing. They are not going to alienate Ventriss by putting me back on the job!" A hint of frustration had slipped into his tone, but Blair couldn't help giving into resignation. "Maybe I can find a job in a bookstore."
"Look, babe," Jim started and leaned in closer to stroke Blair's brow. "We'll discuss this once we get return to the loft. Right now you need to concentrate on healing." He was going to have a word with that dean and finally look into this Ventriss kid. Hopefully Simon had already busted the bastard's ass.
"Simon!" Jim exclaimed, remembering the captain's concern. "Here," Jim uncovered his cell phone. "Call Simon."
"Brother Jeremy let you keep it?" Blair looked at the cell phone on his lap.
"Yeah, he didn't need much convincing," Jim grinned. "Humor me, babe and call Simon?"
"But why?" Confused, Blair tried to think of one good reason why he should call the captain. "He'll just yell at me for calling him for no reason at all."
"Simon's worried, babe." Jim dialed Simon's number and handed the phone back to Blair, who reluctantly accepted it. "You have no idea how worried Simon is about you... and the rest of the gang is concerned too," he added on second thought. "Megan has been giving me the evil eye since Sierra Verde and it would mean a lot to them to know you're safe."
Unable to deny his lover anything, Blair agreed to talk to Simon Banks. "Maybe he's nowhere near his phone," he said hopefully. But his hope was short lived.
"Banks!"
Blair cringed mentally. He so didn't want to do this. "Please don't yell, Simon. My head still hurts." His eyes grew big, realizing he had actually uttered those words aloud!
"Sandburg? Sandburg? Is that you, kid?" Simon wasn't sure whom he was talking to, but he hoped it was Blair Sandburg. For the last three days he had been pacing his office and home, hoping, almost praying that Jim had gotten to Blair in time. "Talk to me!"
Jim listened in, not needing to dial up his hearing as Simon's loud voice burst out of his cell phone. He relished seeing the revelation on Blair's face. The younger man had never believed Simon could care for him, could be worried for him. "Answer the man, Chief."
"I don't know what to say!" Blair whispered urgently, trying to coax Jim into helping him out of this mess. "He'll be mad with me!"
"I can hear you!" Simon said amused. It was great to hear Sandburg's voice again. Damn, the kid had grown on him since Jim had talked him into letting Blair ride along. "Tell me you're resting, kid."
"I am," Blair quickly reassured him and then thought, 'what the hell.' He couldn't possible screw up more than he already had. "Jim is looking after me... turned into a mother hen. He won't even let me walk on my own."
"Good. I like the sound of that!" Simon stated pleased, but then asked, "Did Jim and you talk? He told me he needed you and..."
"We talked, Simon." Blair was letting go of his tension now that the captain seemed mellow.
"And you're coming back to Cascade, kid?" Simon tried to control his tone, trying not to sound too eager, but wasn't sure it was working. "Megan and Joel want to know how you're doing. Rafe is worried too. You've got to understand, Sandburg. We found you dead in that damn fountain."
"I'm getting better, Simon," Blair assured him in a tiny voice. "Jim's makes sure that I take my meds and..."
"I can't believe you never took them after getting out of the hospital," Simon sighed. During their time in Sierra Verde Blair had seemed back up to his old tricks, and Simon had ignored his instincts, which were telling him that something was terribly wrong. He had just assumed that Jim was taking care of his partner, never realizing how deep the 'connection' between Jim and Alex Barnes had grown.
"I was... not thinking clearly back then," Blair admitted gingerly and felt Jim's concerned eyes on him. "I'll try to make a full recovery."
"Oh, I'll make sure you will," Jim interjected, firmly nodding his head. Ever since coming here and taking charge, Blair's health had started to improve.
"You didn't answer my question," Simon reminded Blair. "You are coming back to Cascade, kid?"
Blair smiled, feeling melancholy. "Looks like Jim's going to drag me back to the loft, yes."
"The others will be relieved to hear that. You scared us when you refused to breathe after we hauled you out of that fountain. It's a miracle you survived, Sandburg."
"Yes, it is," Blair agreed and smiled warmly at Jim. //I only survived because of you, big guy,// he thought, still feeling a little confused after Jim's admission. //How can you be in love with me?//
Seeing Blair's growing exhaustion, Jim uncurled Blair's fingers from the cell phone and addressed Simon, "He needs rest."
"Okay, when will you be back?" Simon wanted to see for himself that Blair was getting better.
"We're going to stay here for a few more days," Jim replied eventually. It was good for Blair to be away from Rainier and the PD right now. His lover needed to regroup, to grow strong again.
"Drop me a line and I'll make sure the loft is stacked with supplies when you get back," Simon promised. "Take good care of the kid for me, Jim."
"I will," Jim replied in a steadfast tone before terminating the connection. Then he addressed Blair. "Now, that wasn't too bad, was it?"
"I never realized that Simon was this worried," Blair admitted, leaning back into the comfort of the pillows as his ribs acted up again. But something Simon had said upset him. He tried to hide the emotional turmoil from Jim, but failed. Sentinel senses quickly picked up on it.
"Blair?" Jim refrained from pushing Blair, hoping the younger man would voluntarily open up to him.
"Were they really that upset...? You know... when they dragged me from the fountain? I don't remember that much..." Hesitantly Blair sought out Jim's eyes.
"What do you remember?" Jim knew they had to address this. They briefly discussed the merge yesterday, but Blair really needed to talk about this. How was it possible that he had assumed Blair would easily overcome being murdered? Blair had been clinically dead for a few minutes and Jim still felt immensely grateful that the oxygen deprivation hadn't resulted in brain damage. He would never have forgiven himself if Blair's brilliant mind had been destroyed.
Blair swallowed hard, cursing himself for bringing up this particular subject. "She knocked me out in my office. When I hit the cold water I regained consciousness. At first, I had no idea where I was or what was happening. I couldn't hear her voice under water. I only felt her hand pushing me down. I struggled for breath," Blair's tone was frantic as he locked eyes with Jim. "I guess she knocked me out cold again."
Jim's clenched fists revealed his anger. //My fault. You told me I would know where to find you after kicking you out of the loft. Alex Barnes figured it out as well. If I had kept you close you would have been safe, but no, I had to push you away!//
"Jim?" Disliking the upset expression in Jim's eyes Blair managed to rest his right hand on the older man's arms. "Are you still with me? Don't zone out, man."
"Just thinking, babe," Jim replied thoughtfully, knowing Blair would lecture him if the younger man found out he was blaming himself.
"That's dangerous," Blair joked, patting Jim's arm.
"Want to finish your story?" Jim cringed, asking this question, but he had to know what Blair remembered.
"This is hard, man," Blair objected weakly. "I really don't want to think about it." But Jim's pleading look made him give in. "My last thought was for you, Jim. I was so worried that your senses would go berserk or that Alex would succeed in killing you too."
Jim shook his head. //Even during your last moments you thought of me?// He lost control over his emotions and tears formed in his eyes.
Blair's eyes grew big, as one tear crept down Jim's face. "You're crying? Why?"
"What did it feel like? Dying? Being dead? Do you remember?" He choked out the words, holding onto Blair's hand. "Did it hurt?"
Blair blinked his eyes, never expecting that question. "I didn't feel anything, Jim. I didn't see a tunnel of light, or dead people beckoning me to join them. There was nothing... not even blackness. Nothing... until the vision."
"Did that frighten you? The nothingness?" Jim rubbed Blair's knuckles, desperately needing the contact.
"I didn't feel anything," Blair repeated patiently. "I didn't feel pain, fear or happiness."
"And when the vision started?" Needing to deal with this now, Jim started to push Blair. "Please tell me, babe."
"The vision," Blair whispered, thinking back to waking up in the hospital and finding Jim at his bedside. "It was... cosmic. Beyond words." At a loss, he stared into Jim's eyes. "All of a sudden I was running through this jungle and I was no longer human. I was a wolf and... turning around I realized that a jaguar was following me."
Briefly, Blair grew silent. "I knew it was you," he confessed, "but I didn't know why you were there as well. You kicked me out of your life. Why did you come back for me?"
Jim flinched at the pain filled tone. "I couldn't let you go, Blair. I'm a selfish bastard and I need you. Need you to love me. It took me longer to realize that I crave loving you in return. Being attracted to another man made me feel uncomfortable."
Blair peeked at Jim's eyes, finding them sincere. "Where does that leave us?"
"In a committed relationship?" Jim asked, feeling hopeful. "I want to be with you as long as I live. I don't want you to date anyone else. I want this to be about you and me."
Blair nodded his head. "I want that too," he whispered, gently squeezing Jim's hand with the little strength left in his fingers. "Don't take this personally, man, but..." Exhaustion was taking over and he needed to get some rest. "Must be the meds."
"Get some sleep, babe." Jim's tone showed concern and understanding. "You've been through something very traumatic. I'll stay close."
"Would you..." Blair hesitated, but the expression in Jim's eyes encouraged him. "Would you hold me? I loved it when you... spooned behind me." A weak blush settles on his features, still feeling shy about expressing his needs.
Jim smiled and nudged Blair into position as he stretched behind his lover. "Like this?" he whispered into Blair's right ear, wrapping an arm around him and easing Blair's head against his chest.
"The comforter...?" Blair suggested, feeling cold in spite of the warm body pressed into his. "I hate falling asleep all the time," he admitted as Jim pulled the comforter up to his chin.
"I love holding you," Jim relied reassuringly.
"You're mushy."
Blair's comment made him laugh. "That's our little secret, you understand?"
"My lips... are sealed," he mumbled, falling asleep.
///
"I located Blair Sandburg," the hitman said on the phone. "I can terminate his existence whenever you want."
"Excellent," Brad Ventriss mumbled. Yes, the Cascade police was on to him, but so far his lawyer had managed to keep him out of jail. "Kill the little bastard and... make sure he suffers."
///
Looking at the set table and the monks gathered around it, Blair felt totally at peace. Jim had agreed to help him downstairs so he could eat dinner with the rest. He disliked being isolated in his room and wanted Jim to have a chance to interact with the monks.
The meatloaf tasted good and the salad served with it was refreshing. Although his jaw still ached slightly, Blair was capable of eating solid foods. Every now and then he stole a glance at Jim, who was clearly enjoying being among the monks again.
//And the last time I brought you here, you were determined to return to Cascade the very next day,// Blair mused. Jim had reacted with disbelief once the cop had realized where they were headed. Only the relaxed atmosphere and Brother Jeremy taking charge had saved the awkward situation.
"Hey Chief, you want soup?" Jim had noticed Blair's absent look and the sudden lack of appetite. Until a moment ago, Blair had been devouring the meatloaf. "Is your jaw giving you trouble?"
"No," Blair quickly reassured him. "I'm fine." Blair caught the look Brother Marcus gave him, a look filled with understanding. It made Blair blush. Maybe he should give in and let Jim take him home. He didn't want to embarrass the monks now that Jim and he were a couple. He decided to address it later, once they were alone again.
Worried, Jim closely watched Blair. Something was troubling the younger man. He kept an eye on Blair during the entire meal and when it was time to return to their room, he addressed Blair. "Want to tell me what's wrong?"
"Maybe we should go back to Cascade tomorrow." Blair cringed seeing the confusion on Jim's face. "I don't want to embarrass the guys. So far they have been really cool about this, about us, but..."
"Brother Jeremy assured me they want us to stay here a few days longer. We'll head back the day after tomorrow, all right? That should give you time to recuperate and mentally prepare yourself for meeting the gang at the PD."
Blair swept Jim's hands away as the older man tried to scoop him up in his arms. "I want to walk. I can do that." He bit his lip, trying not to yelp as his abused ankle cried out in pain. "Let me do this," he pleaded. He could handle pain, but not the way Jim pussyfooted around him.
"Let me help, babe. I don't want that ankle to get worse." Determinedly Jim wrapped an arm around Blair's waist, helping him up the stairs. "Just take it slow."
Blair appreciated the help, but at the same time it made him feel helpless. He leaned heavily on Jim as they made their way back to their room. Feeling drained, he did his best to fight his exhaustion.
However, Jim had already noticed the growing fatigue on his partner's face and gently lowered him onto the bed. "It's time for your meds, babe."
Blair sighed, not even bothering to mention he hated taking them. Obediently, he swallowed them and emptied the glass of water. "It's still early, Jim. Why don't you go for a run? Aren't the walls closing in on you?"
"No, actually I feel just fine," Jim quipped and helped Blair to get comfortable. "Are you sleepy?"
"A little," Blair admitted. "But man, you can't stay here all the time."
"As long as you're close I don't mind," Jim whispered affectionately and slid out of his clothes, putting on some sweats instead. "I haven't been sleeping that great lately either, babe. I can use the extra sleep." The puzzled look Blair gave him, made him chuckle. Why hadn't he told Blair before how much he loved the younger man's company? Oh yeah, he had felt uncomfortable being in love with a man. "I wasted so much time..." he sighed, angry with himself.
Blair pushed back the covers and looked up invitingly. "Are you joining me then?"
"I sure am!" Jim quipped happily and spooned up behind his younger lover. "You feel good." His arms folded around Blair's waist, molding his lover's body to his. "This okay?"
"Fine," Blair replied smugly. "Now don't move. Just stay like that." He relaxed now that he was in Jim's arms. "Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow. Maybe we can cut down on my medication and..."
"Forget about it. You're taking your meds. All of them." Jim pressed a passionate kiss on Blair's neck and closed his eyes. "Get some sleep, babe." Only then he realized that Blair was already asleep.
///
The hitman easily stole inside. The monastery didn't have a modern security system and he sneaked through the abandoned corridors, moving in on Blair Sandburg. Brad Ventriss would pay him a huge sum of money once he had killed the grad student and the hitman planned to cash in on that money.
"I'll make sure he suffers," he muttered beneath his breath and pulled his gun from its holster. He was using specially made bullets that released an acid the moment they were embedded in warm flesh. It would slowly poison Sandburg's body. Yeah, the grad student would suffer all right and it would also scare off other teaching assistants who would want to make his employer's academic life miserable.
///
//Danger!//
The angry growl woke Jim from his sleep. He was still protectively curled around Blair, but he could already smell the danger in the air. His eyes scanned the room and immediately discovered the black jaguar pacing the doorway.
//Wake up, Sentinel. Your Guide is in danger!// The spirit guide looked up expectedly.
Jim didn't doubt the seriousness of that warning and reached out with his senses. Most of the heartbeats he picked up were slow and steady, indicating the monks had gone to sleep. How late was it anyway? Looking at his wristwatch he realized that it was passed midnight. Then he felt one more heartbeat. This one was fast and steadily moving towards them.
Not wasting any time he carefully covered Blair's mouth with his hand. With his other hand he reached for the gun, which he had hid next to the pillow. "Blair? Wake up, babe."
Reluctant to obey, Blair opened one eye. Why was Jim waking him? He'd had a gorgeous dream. Jim and he were back at the loft and... doing some exploring in bed. "Man, did you have to..." Startled, he realized that Jim's hand was covering his lips. He could only whisper. "Jim?"
"We've got company, Chief and it's not a monk. He's moving in. His heartbeat is fast and I can smell metal on him. He's carrying a gun. Stay in bed, Blair." He gave Blair a stern look, hoping the younger man would follow his orders. "I'm taking care of this."
"But Jim..." was all Blair managed. Jim motioned him to shut up and Blair obeyed. He was in no shape to defend himself. But why would someone sneak into the monastery and target him? Maybe Jim was jumping to conclusions? What if someone else was the target? Why would this 'burglar' want to hurt any of them? Maybe he was after some silver? But he remained quiet, sensing how upset Jim was.
Jim continued to trace the heartbeat and slipped out of bed. He positioned himself strategically so he would immediately see the intruder the moment the door opened. The jaguar had disappeared and Jim knew that it was up to him to defend his Guide, his lover, and this time he wasn't going to fuck up.
He signaled Blair to remain silent in bed when the door opened. He'd seen the panic in those blue eyes when Blair had finally realized they really were in trouble, but his protective instincts wouldn't allow Blair to get hurt.
The doorknob moved and Jim removed the safety from his gun, ready to fire if necessary. A man, dressed in all black, slithered inside and Jim hoped that Blair had closed his eyes. He didn't want the intruder to realize that Blair was awake.
"Gotcha, little bastard. That money is mine."
Blair shivered hearing part of those words. Had Jim been right and was this intruder here to end his life? Why? Who hated him that much? He held onto the covers, trusting Jim to keep him safe.
"Cascade police. Drop the gun or I'll shoot," Jim stated clearly, monitoring the intruder, whose heartbeat spiked.
"Your buddy will be dead before you can pull the trigger," the hitman assured Ellison. Damn, he'd hoped the cop wasn't sleeping in the same room as Sandburg. This was bad.
"No," Jim said determinedly. "I'll plant a bullet in your head before you can shoot. Trust me."
The hitman wavered. Something in Ellison's tone warned him to act carefully. However, he didn't plan on being caught. "Fuck you, Ellison," he hissed and curled his finger.
Jim saw the movement and didn't hesitate when the hitman targeted Blair. Jim released the trigger and aimed for the intruder's shoulder.
"Fuck!" the hitman cursed, spun around, and aimed at the detective. Firing, he managed to retreat into the corridor and then started to run. Shit, he'd screwed up! Right now he no longer cared about the money. He only wanted to get out of here alive!
Jim considered chasing the injured hitman, but one look at Blair told him that his lover needed him. Startled, he suddenly remembered that the intruder had indeed fired a shot aimed at Blair. Quickly, he secured his gun and moved over to Blair, who remained motionless beneath the covers. Acting on instinct, Jim tried to isolate the stench of blood, as he was afraid Blair had been injured. When he smelled fresh blood on his lover he howled infuriated. "Blair?"
Blair stared at Jim with big, shocked eyes. "Jim?" he mumbled lost. The intruder had fired at him and he had prayed to every deity he knew to let that bullet miss him. But it hadn't. It had grazed his left temple.
"Blair!" Jim quickly enfolded Blair in his arms, lifting the dark curls to get a better look at the injury. He smelled the traces of acid on the bullet, locked in the wall. Growing scared, he also checked for traces of acid on his lover. He didn't find any.
The bullet had only grazed Blair's skin and relieved, Jim released the breath he had been holding. "Babe," he whispered and tucked Blair's head under his chin. "You're safe now." Reassured that the injury wasn't life threatening he tried to calm down. "We'll get that bastard."
Blair didn't speak as he held onto Jim to ground him. He'd been afraid that returning from the dead had been a mistake and that this man had been sent to right it. But the intruder had failed to kill him because Jim had been there to protect him. "Why?" he whispered eventually.
"Looks like there's a prize on your head, babe."
"Ventriss?" Blair relaxed in Jim's arms. He couldn't think of anyone else who would want him dead.
"Blair! Jim!" Marcus was the first to arrive and worried, he approached the bed. He'd heard the shots and alarmed, he'd immediately headed for their room. Two years ago shots had been fired in the monastery as well, but back then he had been the target.
Marcus switched on the light and startled, took a step back. "Blair?" He hurried to the younger man's side. Worried, he noticed the blood that was dripping from Blair's temple.
Jim pinched his eyes at the sudden light. He wished Marcus hadn't hit the lights.
"Dial it down."
Blair's whispered advice immediately coaxed him into action. Jim pictured the dial and tuned the intense light down. "Blair, let me have a look at you."
Marcus left the room to retrieve the first aid kit and encountered brother Jeremy. Quickly, he informed the abbot of what had happened. "Blair's hurt."
"We should get that alarm system installed after all," Jeremy realized, remembering a similar situation a few years ago. "I'll take care of the others. You tend to Blair's injury."
Jim had listened in to their conversation and realized Blair and he wouldn't be alone much longer. "Blair?" he started. They had to talk before Marcus and Jeremy returned. "We can't stay here."
Blair had realized the same thing. They were sitting ducks here and Ventriss could hire another hitman to finish the job. Although his head was throbbing, he managed to think clearly. "You want to go back to Cascade?"
"I can keep you safe there and we can work on busting Ventriss' butt," Jim offered weakly. He knew Blair didn't want to return yet, but it looked like they didn't have a choice. "They'll find you wherever you are. We better use that to our advantage."
"Fine," Blair gave in, leaning against the pillows as Jim lowered him back onto the mattress. "But let's wait until tomorrow morning? My head is spinning." He hated admitting it, but... "I've got to throw up, man!"
Jim grabbed the wastebasket next to the desk and supported Blair. He dialed down his sense of smell and held Blair as the younger man threw up. "Better?" he inquired, once Blair's stomach settled down again.
At that exact moment Marcus arrived and handed Jim the first aid kit. "Blair?" Worried, he studied the younger man's pale face.
"I'll be fine," Blair said in a tiny voice and fought to control his upset stomach and throbbing headache. He calmed down when Jim's gentle fingers probed the shallow wound.
Jim cleaned the wound and dressed it. "Let's hope it won't get infected, Chief."
"I don't want to go to the hospital again," Blair protested weakly. "Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve such bad karma?"
"You stood up for what you believed in," Jim gently reminded him, remembering Blair tell him that Ventriss had also raped a female student. "Close your eyes and let me take care of you."
Blair weakly nodded his head, and closed his eyes. Yes, Jim would take care of him.
"Marcus? We're leaving first thing in the morning." Jim covered Blair with blankets and then looked the older man in the eyes. "I can't protect him here."
Marcus considered Jim's observation. In his 'former' life he'd dealt with lowlifes and scum and knew they weren't easily discouraged. "You'll need help once you get back to Cascade."
Jim smiled, knowing Simon, Megan, Rafe, H and Joel would back him up. "I've got that covered." Closing the first aid kit he handed it back to Marcus. "The perp won't try to kill Blair a second time tonight, but... can we keep the lights on at the grounds? I want to see him coming, just in cause."
Marcus nodded his head. "I doubt any of us will be able to sleep," he remarked, but then smiled as Blair's soft snoring reached his ears. "Except for Blair."
Jim affectionately ruffled Blair's hair. "Could you check on my truck, just in case the perp messed with it?"
"I will," Marcus promised.
The rest of the monks had now gathered in the corridor to find out what had happened and Marcus got to his feet. "I've got to calm them down."
Jim watched him leave and then closed the door. He kneeled beside the bed, taking in every line etched onto Blair's brow. A soft growl disrupted his reverie. The jaguar was back, and this time the wolf accompanied him.
"Thanks," Jim whispered sincerely, remembering that the spirit guide had alerted him. "You saved his life."
The jaguar bared his teeth, pleased that the Sentinel had protected the Guide. //But you've got to be more careful,// he silently chided Ellison. //The murderer will be back to finish the job.//
Hesitantly, Jim reached out and stroked the silky fur. He'd never before felt the desire to touch the jaguar. The wolf climbed onto the bed and lay down next to Blair, resting his head on Blair's hip.
"You'll keep an eye on him, won't you?" Jim asked, already knowing the answer. The jaguar's nod didn't surprise him. Carefully, he lay down behind Blair as the wolf moved out of the way.
"You're mine and I'll keep you safe," he promised Blair who was deeply asleep. "And when we get back to Cascade we'll kick Ventriss' butt."
///
Ventriss cursed madly. The hitman he had hired had failed to execute the contract. Blair Sandburg was still alive and would testify. His lawyer had informed him that the captain of the Major Crimes Unit was on a personal crusade to see him hanging and Brad recognized a dangerous opponent when he faced one.
He could only deal with Banks if he disposed of Sandburg. That little faggot knew too much about him! "Looks like I'll have to redouble my efforts," he stated and picked up the phone to make sure that this time, Sandburg wouldn't escape his assigned fate.
///
Jim thanked brother Jeremy and Marcus for their care and hospitality, and then headed for his truck. Blair was already buckled up for the ride, head resting drowsy against the window. If it had been Jim's call he would have insisted they stayed longer, but he needed every advantage he could get.
"Are you going to make it back?" Jim slid behind the wheel and studied his lover. "You want a blanket?" Although the heater was on full blast, Blair was still shivering.
Feeling tired, Blair opened his eyes. "Do you have a blanket? I can't believe I'm cold."
Jim reached underneath his seat and uncovered the blanket he had put there earlier. He draped it over Blair and sucked in a deep breath. "If you need to stop during our trip home, I will pull over. Just say the word."
"Thanks, man." Blair closed his eyes again. Sitting upright like this put extra pressure on his rubs, but eased his breathing. "Just drive, big guy. I can manage. I'm tough."
Before starting the engine Jim leaned in closer and pressed a passionate kiss on his lover's lips. "I know you're tough," he said jokingly. "Just don't overdo it, okay?"
Blair nodded his head once. "Got it, big guy." Saddened, he waved goodbye at the monks. He was going to miss them.
///
Pleased, Simon checked on the supplies Megan and he had carried back to the loft. It had been quite an experience to go grocery shopping with the Aussie.
Megan had been called away on a homicide case and he had stayed at the loft to welcome his friends. Although Blair had sounded okay on the phone, he needed to make sure.
He would never admit it to anyone, but he still woke up drenched in sweat after finding Blair dead in the fountain.
As years had passed by Blair had become part of the team and Simon felt responsible for each member. He felt like he had failed to keep Sandburg safe.
//Not to mention I actually like the kid.// It had taken months but Blair had grown on him. The neo hippie flower child had turned out to be one hell of an observer and there had been times Blair's brilliant mind had stunned him. Blair was certainly an asset to the team, but had he ever told the kid he felt like that?
Even after all these years Blair moved about the precinct with caution, like a bad move could get him kicked off the team. "And Jim did kick him out of his life when the going got tough," Simon realized saddened.
As he closed his eyes, memory took him back to the fountain. Jim had first reached Blair's lifeless body and they had started CPR at once, but all the while he had been scared they had arrived too late. Blair hadn't been breathing and his lips had already turned blue. But he hadn't given up on the heart massage, desperately willing for Blair's heart to start pumping blood again.
Seeing Blair lifeless had deeply affected him. Something about the kid screamed innocence, though Simon had never been able to pinpoint what caused that reaction. Like Jim, he felt fiercely protective of Blair. During these last three years they had been through a lot and losing Blair had terrified him. Only then he had realized that Blair Sandburg, that neo hippie flower child, meant a lot to him.
Miraculously, Blair had returned to them, had started to breathe again. He didn't know how Jim had brought Blair back, but he suspected it had something to do with the close connection between the two men.
Year after year had passed by and he had seen the adoration in Blair's eyes whenever Jim had been close. He still didn't understand how Jim had managed to miss that look of utter love in Sandburg's eyes. Maybe it had been denial, maybe repression. But he was thankful that Jim Ellison had finally admitted he had feelings for Blair.
And now he was here, pacing the loft, awaiting their return. Blair's things were back in place, and it suddenly struck Simon how comfortable he felt here. It felt like a home. Blair had turned the loft into a home.
Soft grunts and footsteps caught his attention and he moved over to the door, opening it. "Took you long enough to get here," Simon said in a grumpy tone, hiding his true emotions. His first look was for Blair and Simon sighed relieved, as he looked into those blue eyes. Blair was moving slowly and his temple had been bandaged. The blue eyes seemed a little draped, but the emotion, the love, behind them was real.
"We're home, babe," Jim remarked softly, not trying to hide a thing. "Want to lie down? It's almost time for your meds." Jim dropped the duffle bag onto the floor and grinned at Simon. "We made it."
Blair stared blankly at the two men, too exhausted to make a witty comment. He just wanted off his feet, to lie down and get some sleep.
Jim read the answer in Blair's eyes. "I'll be with you in a moment," he told Simon and lifted Blair in his arms.
Blair objected weakly as Jim started up the stairs, gesturing at his old bedroom. "Where are you going?" Blair asked, his tone slurred. The long drive back had drained him and his ribs ached. His head was spinning and he had trouble focusing his eyes.
"You're sleeping upstairs, remember?" Jim gently reminded him, but Blair's eyes rolled in their sockets and the head lolled back. "You need sleep."
Blair didn't have a choice and rested his head against Jim's broad chest. "Upstairs," he mumbled strangely pleased, not even registering Simon's presence. This was a dream come true.
Simon watched Jim climb those stairs and allowed for a smug grin to break through. Yeah, Jim and he had a lot to discuss later, but things were definitely looking better now that Ellison had faced and revealed his feelings for his partner. He marched into the kitchen and started some coffee. He wanted to talk to Jim.
Jim placed Blair in the centre of the bed and removed the younger man's shoes. "Are you okay, babe?" he inquired worried. Blair had been quiet all the way home.
"I don't... want to sleep," Blair mumbled embarrassed.
"Why don't you get some rest while I talk to Simon? Your eyes are already closing." Blair's huge yawn made Jim smile.
"Maybe a little nap." Blair whispered, already falling asleep. "A nap sounds nice."
Jim pulled up the comforter and placed a gentle kiss on Blair's brow. "Sleep tight, babe. I'll be close," he promised. After making sure Blair was asleep he descended the stairs, determined to come up with a plan that would bust Ventriss' sorry ass and Simon was just the right person to help him.
///
"Thank you, doctor Cagedy." Jim terminated the connection and smiled at Blair who had somehow sneaked into the living room hours earlier. He worried every time Blair descended the stairs unaided, as his lover was still weak.
But Blair had made himself comfortable on the sofa, huddled beneath a mass of blankets. Curls showed from underneath the blankets and a pair of blue eyes watched him curiously. Jim's smile turned into a grin.
"What did he say?" Blair had just woken from another nap, still wondering how he could sleep this much. Part of it was the meds, but he suspected it was also his body, which needed time to recuperate from dying. "Can we reduce the meds now?" Blair hoped so. He wanted to be able to stay awake for an hour or two!
"Yes, Darwin." Jim sat down next to Blair and ruffled his lover's hair. "We can cut it down. You can take half the dose every 12 hours. That should reduce your drowsiness."
"Great." Blair smiled at the older man. They'd been home for 24 hours now and Jim hadn't left his side since. "Don't you have to go to the station? You can't baby-sit me the entire time and there's also an officer downstairs." He had been surprised to hear that Simon had insisted that one guard was stationed downstairs. Blair had been even more surprised to find Joel had taken the first shift. Now, Rafe was standing guard.
"I'm staying close until Ventriss is behind bars." Jim headed into the kitchen and made some chamomile tea for Blair. Observing him silently, Jim realized how big a mistake it had been to kick Blair out of the loft. This was their home.
Blair's mind was filled with similar thoughts. When he had sneaked downstairs his eyes had been filled with tears, finding all his artefacts back in place. His room had been restored to its old appearance, except for his clothes and personal items, which were now stacked away in Jim's drawers upstairs.
His hand trembled as he accepted the warm tea Jim offered him. It warmed his hands and he looked at his lover's eyes. Surprised he noticed they were open and almost swimming. "Jim?"
"I suddenly realized what I almost lost." Jim stroked the skin of Blair's arm, relishing its warmth.
"I'm alive and back home. Let it go, man." Blair squeezed Jim's fingers reassuringly and judged it safe to sip from the hot tea.
Jim moved closer and pulled his lover onto his lap. "I need to hold you," he explained awkwardly.
Blair handed Jim the mug. Jim placed it on the coffee table. Then, Blair wrapped his arms around Jim and rested his head against the older man's shoulder. This felt intimate and right. There was also a question he wanted to ask Jim. "You've never been with a man?"
"No. Never been in love with one until you came along," Jim admitted. "What about you?"
"I... had a boyfriend once. You know my inquisitive nature," Blair said jokingly. "But things didn't work out. We were together for six months."
Briefly Jim felt some stabbing jealousy, but then dismissed it. Blair was his, had chosen to be with him. They belonged together. "Have you ever... you know..."
"Yes, I had sex with him," Blair said amused, relishing the blush on Jim's face. He couldn't remember a time when Jim had blushed. It was a first! "Does that bother you?"
Jim considered the question. "I'm not sure... but at least one of us knows what to do."
Blair easily picked up on the worried tone. "But something is bothering you. What is it?"
"I'm not sure about our roles here," Jim admitted quietly. "With a women it's... you know... simple. You know what she wants and what to do, but with a man... "
Blair read between the lines. "What is it? Are you worried you won't like making love with me?"
"No," Jim quickly said, "that's not it, but... how do we know who... should top? I've never been on the receiving end and..."
Amused, Blair chuckled. "You want to top, man?" That might be the best solution. It might settle Jim's nerves, calm him down. Surprised, he watched as Jim's right hand snaked beneath the blankets.
"Can I touch you?" Jim whispered, still pondering Blair's question.
"Oh man, please do!" Blair moaned as Jim's fingers trailed down his stomach and then tugged at the waistband of his boxers. He hoped Jim was ready to take this step.
Jim found his lover already semi-erect and pushed the boxers down so he could free Blair's erection, which was already leaking pre-ejaculate. It struck him as odd that he had been this hesitant about touching Blair. Right now, he wanted Blair to howl with pleasure. Jim curled his fingers around the hard cock and used his other hand to cup Blair's scrotum. "Babe," he whispered, taken aback.
Blair yelped helplessly, feeling Jim's hands on him. He realized Jim still hadn't answered him, but right now his body screamed for release. "Jim?"
"I want to do this for you," Jim explained as he slowly pumped the slick shaft. "I want to hear you scream your pleasure. Are you a screamer or the silent type, babe?"
Blair drowned in Jim's draped eyes and arched his back, cursing his still mending ribs. "I can scream for you," he breathed.
Jim grinned like a Cheshire cat and increased the rhythm, rolling his lover's full balls in the palm of his hand. "Scream for me?"
"Jim!" Blair yelped as a slippery finger teased against his opening, not yet sliding inside. "Jim, please!" he begged, screaming his lover's name as Jim fisted his cock. Blair threw back his head as sharp teeth nibbled beneath his collarbone. Unable to hold back any longer, he yelled Jim's name, coming hard in his lover's hand.
Jim could only stare, as his lover's orgasm rocked Blair's body. Warm semen exploded onto his hand and he pulled Blair closer. He'd planned on pushing that one finger inside Blair's body to find out if the younger man liked that particular sensation, but he had gotten cold feet. However, he now had his answer. "I want you to top, Blair."
Orgasm was still racking his body and Blair's eyes grew even bigger hearing Jim's desire. "You want me to top?" he whispered, snuggling up to Jim.
Jim grabbed a small towel and cleaned up his lover. "Yeah, is that so hard to believe?" He thought back to the early days, when they had just met. Back then Blair had just assumed control. But as the years had passed by, control had become Jim's and Blair had turned more submissive, knowing he depended on the detective to keep him safe in hazardous situations. Damn, he missed Blair pushing him around!
"Uhm, Jim? Want me to take care of that?" Blair licked his lips, staring at the erection, which showed through the fabric of Jim's sweats. "You're big, man... I love that." Jim's action had taken him somewhat by surprise, but he wasn't complaining! It had been years since he had experienced such an intense orgasm and it had been even better because he had climaxed in Jim's arms.
Jim was about to nod his head, when commotion downstairs caught his attention. The noise alerted him and he cocked his head. He heard Rafe's voice, calling for back up on the cell phone. Stirred into action, he leaped from the couch, apologetically looking down at Blair. "We've got company."
Blair cringed. When was this going to stop? Right then they heard the first gun shot and Blair looked to Jim for instructions.
"Can you get upstairs on your own?" Jim started to push him towards the stairs. He had heard Simon acknowledge Rafe's request for assistance, but Jim wasn't going to take any chances, especially since he sensed three men moving closer. Looked like Ventriss wanted to make sure Blair couldn't escape a second time.
Blair climbed the stairs as quickly as possible and sank down onto the floor in the corner of Jim's bedroom. Huddled there, he waited for the hitmen to arrive. He'd only hamper the Sentinel if he stayed close.
A soft growl made him look up. The wolf was back and the jaguar was taking up position near the railing. He didn't know if the spirit guides could physically harm a human, but he needed all the help he could get.
The wolf's teeth were bared and the yellow eyes flashed away from Blair as the wolf moved closer to the jaguar.
Jim stole into position, tightly holding onto his gun. He no longer heard Rafe's voice and had to assume the detective was out cold or seriously injured. The marching footsteps approached and he switched off the lights, wanting to take advantage of the darkness. His eyes quickly adjusted and when the door was kicked open, he easily identified the three forms.
Jim immediately recognized the hitman who had tried to kill Blair at the monastery. He recognized the second man from a picture Simon had shown him. It was Brad Ventriss himself, holding an automatic gun. The third man was a stranger, but also armed.
Blair's frantic heartbeat tore at his soul and he locked it out, as he needed to concentrate on the intruders.
"He must be here!" Ventriss exclaimed, annoyed.
"Shut up," hitman number one chided his employer. "The little bastard is here and so is that cop!"
"Cascade police," Jim stated from his hiding place. "Freeze. Put down the guns."
Brad Ventriss hissed, "Kill them!"
Jim hadn't been sure what to expect, hoping to avoid a shooting in close quarters, but when Ventriss fired his gun, he knew this was going to be an ugly fight. Ducking, he looked up at the stairs, hoping Blair had followed his orders. He blinked his eyes, recognizing the two spirit guides near the railing. He sighed relieved. At least Blair wasn't up there alone.
The gunfire paused and Jim used that opportunity to fire, taking out hitman number two when the bastard made the mistake of sneaking closer to the couch.
"Give up, Ventriss," Jim called out. "Squad cars are already on their way." Yes, he heard the sirens moving closer. "You don't stand a chance!"
"He's right, boss," the first hitman said, cursing the fact that Ventriss had talked him into this. His left shoulder still hurt from when Ellison had shot him. "We better clear out."
"No! You fucking coward! Kill Sandburg!" Ventriss opened fire again, aimlessly firing at the shadows surrounding him. "I want him dead!"
Blair flinched, hearing that angry tone. He buried his face in his hands, pulling up his knees to his chest. He wanted to help Jim, but his weakened state made that impossible. Suddenly, the wolf returned to his side and Blair wrapped his arms around it, needing the support. His ankle throbbed and his ribs ached awfully.
"Freeze! Cascade police!"
Jim recognized the voice at once. It was Rafe, and Jim could smell the blood on the detective. A moment later a large number of footsteps echoed in the loft. The cavalry had arrived in the form of Simon Banks and his team.
It only took Simon's team minutes to overpower Ventriss and the hitman. Grinning smugly, Simon strode towards Ventriss. "They will like your ass in jail," he stated in deep contentment and ordered Joel to take them to the station for questioning, reminding his men to stick to procedure. No way Ventriss' lawyer would spring Ventriss on a technicality.
"Simon, you were just in time," Jim mumbled relieved and tuned into Blair's heartbeat, which had slowed down to a normal rhythm. "Rafe?" He quickly scanned the other cop, relieved to only find a minor injury. "You better head for the hospital."
"I will," Rafe sighed. "How's Blair?"
Jim watched as H helped Blair downstairs. The spirit guides had disappeared again, but he valued their support. "Chief?" Jim quickly moved closer to Blair, supporting him as well.
"I'm fine, Jim," Blair reassured them. "I just need to sit down." The second attack had shaken him badly. "I guess I'm still a little wobbly on my feet."
Megan walked up to them and smiled. Addressing Jim she said, "You better take good care of him, mate." She had needed a moment to recompose herself when she had first caught sight of Blair. Memories of him afloat in the fountain still haunted her.
Jim thanked them all, but then softly asked Simon to give Blair and he some privacy. Blair couldn't deal with all the turmoil right now.
So Simon told his men to get back to the station. He however, stayed a little longer, watching Jim fuss over Blair. It was obvious to anyone who looked with an open mind that the two men had taken the next step in their relationship and had become lovers.
"Are you going to be okay? Is there something you need?" Simon asked Jim as he walked over to the doorway to head back to the precinct. He didn't doubt that Blair was in the best hands.
"Blair just needs some time to deal with this. His meds still mess with his head," Jim explained. "Thanks for showing up this quickly."
Simon looked at Blair who sat trembling on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket. He managed to catch Blair's eyes and Simon smiled. "Kid's part of the team, Jim."
Blair gulped hearing that unexpected statement and he hesitantly locked eyes with the captain, mouthing a silent, 'thanks'.
Satisfied that Blair had gotten the hint, Simon closed the door behind him. He really looked forward to personally interrogating Brad Ventriss!
Jim settled down on the couch and looked at Blair. The younger man was still pale, but seemed in control of his emotions. "Are you okay, buddy?"
"I am now," Blair said in a steadfast tone. "I wonder where the spirit guides are." Hesitantly, uncertain of Jim's reaction, he folded an arm around the larger man's shoulders and pulled him into a protective embrace.
Puzzled, Jim eyed Blair, but understood the younger man's need to return the warmth, comfort and support he'd received during these last days. Feeling more than comfortable, Jim lay down and rested his head on Blair's lap. Within seconds, Blair's fingers were massaging his temples, which felt divine. Jim definitely liked this little role reversal. "Want to order out tonight? I was thinking... maybe some Italian food?"
"A pie of death?" Blair asked amused, but shivered nonetheless, remembering the pizza drugged with Golden. "And what about after dinner?"
"Sleep." Jim noticed the hungry look in Blair's eyes and realized what was causing it. "I want to make love with you too, babe, but I want you to heal first. I don't want to accidentally cause you pain because your ribs, ankle and jaw still hurt."
Blair nodded his head once. "And you still want me to top?" The conversation was taking his mind of Ventriss and he needed that.
"Yes, I want you to make love to me and when I'm ready, maybe I can repay the favor?" he hinted.
"Would love to feel you inside me, tough guy," Blair mumbled. Visions of them making love in the big bed upstairs washed through him. "I can't wait to make love with you."
Jim grinned at Blair's impatience, already sensing the sexual tension in his lover's body. When they finally made love, it might be rather explosive...
///
Three weeks later
It had been a long day at the station. Until doctor Cagedy was satisfied with Blair's progress Jim was riding a desk, moaning over a pile of paperwork. Simon seemed unwilling to let him out of sight now that Blair wasn't there to back him up and hell, Jim understood. He had been distracted lately and although his senses weren't causing him any problems, he wanted Blair to be there when he took on a case.
He dragged himself upstairs, unlocked the door and took a deep breath before stepping inside. Hopefully he wouldn't fall asleep during dinner. He felt drained after typing reports all day.
His nose twitched, smelling fragrances he didn't expect to find at the loft. He smelled roses, candles and even some bath oil. What was going on? His hand almost reached for his gun when he sensed Blair's rapid heartbeat.
As Jim walked into the kitchen he realized that Blair had made dinner. His lover had also filled the loft with mildly scented candles. Reaching out, he found that Blair was in the bathroom. Blair had gone to see Cagedy this afternoon and Jim felt curious. What had the physician told Blair? Jim was hoping for a clean bill of health, his lover pronounced healed.
A gentle smile surfaced on Jim's face as Blair emerged from the bathroom, only dressed in Jim's robe. "It looks good on you," Jim complimented him and watched Blair approach. He loved the apparent mischief in Blair's sparkling eyes. Could this be it? Would this be the night? Their night?
Blair melted into the embrace, wrapping Jim's arms around him. "Cagedy released me. I no longer have to go back. Everything's fine, tough guy." He nuzzled Jim's throat, licking the salty skin. "Hard day, lover?"
"Yeah," Jim growled, wondering why Blair's hands were suddenly all over his body. He felt them on his back, buttocks and stomach...
"Why don't you take a shower? I'll put the finishing touch to our dinner," Blair suggested and pushed Jim into the bathroom. "I left plenty of hot water."
Dumbfounded, Jim nodded his head and stripped. Within minutes he stood beneath the water beams, enjoying the sensation the droplets caused on his skin as they cascaded down his body. Yes, this had to be it. Now that Blair had recovered from his injuries they could finally take that last step.
His cock twitched and jumped to attention. Oh yes, they had given each other handjobs getting up in the morning or when going asleep and he had even once surprised Blair by going down on him. But making love? His stomach did something funny and he gasped for breath.
Blair was finally taking back control. Oh, how much he'd wanted that. Looking back, he realized that the sexual attraction had been there from the start. It had probably started after he had pinned Blair to that wall, never expecting Sandburg to stand up to him. But Blair had told him not to mess with him or he would never find out what was going on with his senses.
After Blair had saved him from certain death by pushing him beneath the garbage truck, he had accepted Blair's lead. Yes, he had tried and eventually succeeded in regaining control but then he had realized that he'd liked Blair being in charge. During his work he had to be on top of everything. A single mistake could prove lethal.
But with Blair things were different. Blair took away that responsibility, guiding him. He wanted that again. Wanted Blair to be the Guide, his Guide.
"Jim? You must be turning into a prune! Get out here! Dinner is ready!" Blair managed to hide his nervousness. He had never imagined that Jim wanted him to take the lead and now he found himself on unfamiliar grounds.
He placed the baked potatoes, greens and steak onto the plates and nervously hovered in the kitchen. What if Jim had changed his mind? It was rather obvious what he wanted to happen tonight, wasn't it? A romantic candlelight dinner, scented candles and... the big bed upstairs now had silk sheets. Maybe this was a big mistake.
From the corner of his eye he watched Jim quickly dash upstairs. Was Jim retreating or...?
"Just slipping into some clothes," Jim assured him, smelling the sudden fear on Blair. He chose worn jeans and a blue shirt. Quickly, he returned to the kitchen. "Hello babe," he whispered and invaded Blair's personal space, hoping that Blair would kiss him. Blair didn't disappoint him, hungry reaching for his lips.
Blair claimed Jim's lips with unbridled desire and desperation. He wasn't sure he could take a rejection at this point and needed to assure himself that Jim really wanted this. Blair grinned, as Jim's erection poked his side. Relieved, he realized that Jim hadn't changed his mind. "Want to eat?"
Jim sat down, but never released Blair's left hand. Slowly, he took some bites and continued to stare at his lover. Underneath the table he moved his leg and let it brush against Blair's. "You're spoiling me, babe."
Blair gracefully blushed. Jim never expected that blush and it made his heart miss a beat. "Seems like a perfect night to make love, doesn't it?" Jim hinted as Blair served desert. He licked the chocolate sauce from his spoon. "Want to make love, babe?" The fire that lit up Blair's eyes only hardened his erection, which throbbed painfully against the fabric of his jeans.
"Upstairs, in your bed?" Blair suggested, visions of having hot, passionate sex sweeping through him. Oh, he wanted this man, wanted Jim Ellison, wanted to bury himself inside the man's body.
"What are we waiting for?" Jim said softly and pulled Blair to his feet. "Lead on, Chief."
Hearing those words, Blair realized the truth, realized why Jim wanted him to top and he grinned. He had read Jim Ellison all wrong. Acting on instinct he pinned Jim to the wall, much like Jim had done the first time they'd met. He knew that Jim could easily free himself and reverse this situation, but that wasn't what Jim wanted.
Blair claimed Jim's lips, nudging his lover's knees apart and pushing a thigh between them. A low growl emanated from Jim's throat, telling him how much the older man wanted this. "Part those teeth, man," Blair instructed and his tongue slithered into Jim's mouth, ravishing the warmth. "You taste great," he whispered.
Jim had hoped that Blair would react like this; that Blair would finally take what had always been his. Jim moaned longingly. "I want you, Blair. I need you."
"I need you too, Jim," Blair confessed and released him. He followed Jim upstairs, his hands constantly roaming his lover's body. "You've got a great ass, Jim."
Jim blushed. "You're the first to say that."
"Take off those clothes, tough guy," Blair commanded and sat down on the bed, enjoying the show.
Jim swallowed hard, realizing Blair was on to him. He slid out of his shirt and jeans. His erection immediately bounced with freedom.
"Jim, come over here."
Jim obeyed, wondering why he was already naked and Blair still dressed. "Get that robe off," he said softly.
"Not yet." Blair grabbed Jim's waist and pulled him close. Licking his lips he squeezed Jim's ass. "Just enjoy this, lover."
"What?" Jim sucked in his breath as warm lips suddenly closed around him, gently suckling, tongue teasing his cock. "Blair!" he exclaimed and big-eyed, he looked down at his lover who was running his tongue over the length of his cock. It was the first time that Blair was going down on him and he had to rest his hands on the younger man's shoulders as his legs threatened to give out on him.
Blair grinned, pulled back and teased the slit. "You like this, don't you lover?" he whispered quickly and then relaxed his throat, taking Jim deeply. His fingers dug into Jim's buttocks, supporting him.
"Blair... I'm going to come!" Jim warned Blair, not sure his lover wanted to swallow his come. But before he had a chance to pull back he was coming and Blair swallowing. "Blair, babe..." he sighed blissfully as a warm tongue licked him clean. He sank onto his knees, and clutched Blair's face in his hands. "You didn't have to do that."
"I wanted to," Blair whispered and smiled.
Jim buried his hands in Blair's robe and pushed it down his lover's shoulders, finally revealing Blair's naked body. Jim tossed the robe into the corner of the room, devouring Blair with his eyes. He had to dial down his senses to prevent overload. As he pushed Blair onto his back, he straddled the younger man. Blair was already erect, cock poking Jim in his abdomen. "Love you," he whispered, leaned down and kissed Blair roughly.
Blair briefly allowed it, then wrapped his legs around Jim's waist and rolled the older man beneath him. Looking down at Jim's startled face, Blair laughed warmly. "Just relax and trust me, lover."
"I do," Jim whispered breathlessly. "But I want you to make love to me now."
"I will," Blair stated resolved. "But I want you on your stomach, Jim. It will be easier for you that way... considering you're a virgin," he added wickedly.
Jim snorted indignantly at that, but obeyed when Blair moved off him.
"Wait," Blair told him and placed a pillow beneath Jim's hips. "My, you're hard again!" he whispered admiringly. "Want me that bad?"
"Yes." Jim shifted until he found a comfortable position. His cock was rubbing against the pillow, making him even harder. He had assumed he would feel vulnerable once they had reached this stage, but he didn't. He just wanted Blair inside him!
Blair reached for the lube, which he had bought on his way back from the hospital and coated a finger with it. "Now relax, Jim and let me do this for you." He pressed kisses on Jim's buttocks and drew soothing circles over his lover's lower back. "Relax."
"I am relaxed, Sandburg! Stop teasing and get busy!" Jim wanted this, wanted this now. However, he sucked in his breath when Blair's slippery finger teased against his entrance and then pushed inside. "Fuck," Jim gasped. "More!" He had taken one or two of Blair's fingers before, now he wanted his lover's cock.
"Easy, Jim." Blair soothed him and whispered words of love into Jim's ear. He pulled back and returned with two fingers, scissoring inside Jim's body. But damn, Jim wasn't lying. He was relaxed, his body inviting and... Blair rubbed lube on his cock, kneeled behind Jim and parted his lover's buttocks. "Are you sure, Jim?"
"Yes!" Jim rocked back, felt the head of Blair's cock and panted when his lover began pushing inside. It was more painful than he had expected and he hissed.
Blair froze in his tracks. "Breathe, Jim. Push back when you're ready." He waited for Jim to tell him to move again and when his lover didn't reply he wanted to pull out again. But then Jim rocked back, causing him to slide inside even deeper.
Jim blinked when his ass made contact with Blair's balls, which slapped hard against his skin. "Got you now, babe!" Jim moaned victoriously.
"Jim," Blair panted, realizing he was now completely buried inside his lover. "Are you okay?"
"I will be once you start moving. Give me all you've got, Blair!" Jim growled in want.
Blair nodded his head. "Want it hard, Jim?"
"Yes! Come on. Give it to me! I need it!" Jim panted hard when Blair thrust for the first time, almost pulling out completely to thrust deeply again.
Adrenaline shot through Blair's body hearing Jim's demands and he set up a wild rhythm, taking Jim as deeply as possible. He leaned in closer, rested his body on Jim's, pressing him down. At the same time his fingers locked around Jim's throbbing cock and he fisted it roughly.
Jim pushed back, meeting Blair's thrusts with his own, and as he felt his lover's fingers curled around his cock, an animalistic growl left his throat. Climaxing, he grunted, loving it when Blair's body weight pushed him down, almost crushing him. For the first time in over 40 years he felt truly alive.
Jim's muscle clenched him and Blair lost control. His teeth grazed Jim's shoulder, leaving a passion mark as he finally claimed his Sentinel, filling his lover's body with his come. "Cosmic..." he muttered drained as he trembled on top of Jim's body. Finally, he found the strength and pulled out, quickly rolling off his lover.
Jim moaned at the sudden loss and rolled onto to his left side, arms immediately reaching for Blair and pulling him close. Only now he felt the silky sensation beneath his skin and smiled. Yeah, their first time had been explosive. Holding Blair close, words become meaningless. He stroked Blair's back, caressed his damp curls and privately promised to never let go of this treasure.
"You're mine," Jim whispered and felt how tremors rocked Blair's body. "Mine forever!"
The end