Regret

by Silvina

Fandom: Sentinel

Pairing: Jim/Blair

Rating: R

Standard Disclaimer. It's too bad. Even if he did read this, he still wouldn't understand.

Regret

by Silvina

Blair shivered, although he wasn't cold. He was upset and worried and scared and so goddamned angry. How could he? How could that stuck up asshole consider himself a father? How did a cold hearted bastard raise a son like Jim? For a moment he thanked Naomi for being the opposite of William Ellison in so many ways. Some people shouldn't be parents, he thought. It took a license to drive, but any idiot could be a parent.

To William Ellison his son was a freak. A monster, made all the more so because of Blair. At first he'd been almost pleased at the look Jim had given his father before closing the door on him. At first, until after they'd gone upstairs and to bed. Until he'd had a nightmare of having that look directed at him.

The shock, hurt, and anger were nothing compared to the betrayal burning in that expression, but it was the dismissal that affected Blair. He'd thought that hurting Jim would be the worst thing he could imagine--the thing he feared most anyway was letting Jim down somehow. Now he knew that there was nothing he dreaded more than being added to the list of people who had devastated Jim who would never be let in again.

He shuddered harder, and worried that he might wake Jim. Pulling the covers closer to his body he turned to face Jim, hoping that seeing his sleep relaxed face would calm him down.

Jim wasn't relaxed though. One look at his face told him that. His eyes were squeezed shut in a grimace and his breath was tight with harshly suppressed sobs.

"Jim?" Blair pushed closer, hesitantly placing an arm over Jim.

Jim didn't say anything and he didn't react at first. He pulled Blair close, squeezing him tightly.

"Why couldn't he just love me?"

"I don't know, Jim. I just don't know."

END