Title: The Reasons Why 2

Author/psuedonym: Ramblin Rose and Mary Browne

Pairing: Bullpen Humor

Rating: R

Category: Humor

Date: Feb. 12th, 2001

Series/sequel: This is the second part, between Blair and Conner.

Status: new

Archive: Why not?

Disclaimer: These guys don't belong to me, never did, never will, but I can dream. Petfly doesn't like to share. They also don't pay me, darn it anyhow.

Notes: Thanks to Mary for giving me the basic's and I just added the talking.

Warning: Okay, there is no fucking nudity in this one. Sorry. :(

Summary: Conner and Blair are discussing why it's good to be a sensitive male or a woman these days. Here is what they've decided.

By Megan Conner told to her best friend, Blair Sandburg.
Co-authored by Ramblin Rose and Mary Browne.

Free dinners.
Conner: What am I doing wrong.
Blair: Jim buys me dinner all the time.

You can cry without pretending there's something in your contacts.
Blair: I'm a real man, Conner. Real men cry.
Conner: I know, you're crying all the time. Ouch, I was kidding, Sandy.

Speeding ticket? What's that?
Blair: I truly believe that I could talk my way out of a ticket without batting my eyelashes or crying. Alhtough if it was Jim, I would do that anyhow.
Conner: Oh lets get in the real world. I would offer sexual favors.

You actually get extra points for sitting on your butt, watching sports.
Blair: I love sports.
Conner: So do I. I especially love all of the ass slapping going on.
Blair: So do I.

If you're a lousy athlete, you don't have to question your worth as a human being.
Blair: Conner you're an excellent athlete. So, what's up with this question?
Conner: Thank you, Sandy. I agree. We don't fall into this one at all.

A new lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.
Blair: Want me to try it out and see what Jim says?
Conner: I don't want to be around when he finds out it was me that gave you the idea.
Blair: You are just no fun what-so-ever.

In high school, you never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned.
Conner: Did you ever have to do this, Sandy?
Blair: Oh yeah, it's awful when you get hard by the air currents flowing through a room. I once came just from watching a teacher lick her fingers before she turned the pages. That binder came in handy that day.
Conner: I'll just call you handy, Sandy from now on.

If you have to be home in time for Ally McBeal, you can say so, out loud. (
Blair: Man, I just love that character, John. And what do you think of his new girlfriend? The one who has tourettes Syndrome. I love this show.
Conner: I hate this show, Sandy. I think it's like a whine fest. I really can't stand them. I'd love to arrest that stupid bitch Aly for not eating and making us all look like cows.
If you're not making enough money, you can blame the glass ceiling.
Blair: What the fuck does this shit mean?
Conner: I'll tell ya later about guys who stay below under glass ceilings.
Blair: I got it.

If you're not very attractive, you can fool 'em with makeup.
Blair: Thank god we don't have to worry about that one, eh?
Conner: Speak for yourself, Sandy. I have to wear makeup.
Blair: I've seen you in the morning without any. You look great. You just choose to wear it.
Conner: All right, I choose to have some color on my face. Thanks, Sandy.

If you use self-tanner, it doesn't necessarily mean you're a big loser.
Blair: It's very dangerous did you know that?
Conner: Self-tanner's???? I don't think so. I think you're thinking of tanning beds.
Blair: No actually I was thinking of going out with guys or girls that are really tan.
Conner: Oh, you are bad, Sandy. I'm telling Jim.

You could possibly live your whole life without ever taking a group shower. (
Blair: Well, what's wrong with group showers?
Conner: I totally agree.
Blair: I suggest we talk everyone into one later today.
Conner: Yeah, and when they get done laughing, we'll pick your body up and take it to Dan Wolfe.

Brad Pitt.
Blair: Can I add Jim to this?
Conner: You're supposed to put someone that is going to make me drool.
Blair: Jim doesn't make you drool?
Conner: Not unless you count when I fell asleep on his shoulder once and drooled on him.

You don't have to fart to amuse yourself.
Blair: Jim would never do this. I mean, it just wouldn't be Jim.
Conner: Is he that anal? Pardon the pun.
Blair: Yes, he is.

You'll never have to decide where to hide your nose-hair clippers. (Ewwww)
Blair: Well, I have to know where they are. I'm a hairy guy. I can't help it.
Conner. Ewwwwwwwww.

When you take off your shoes, nobody passes out.
Blair: I have to say, Jim has come close a couple of times. He can't stand the smell of my feet when I haven't aired them out for hours. It makes him ill.
Conner: I think being a sentinel makes a difference. Okay, we'll give him this one.

If the person you're dating is much better at something than you are, you don't have to break up with him. ()
Blair: I tried to break up once with Jim, but he begged me to stay with him.
Conner: Is that true?
Blair: No, I was holding on to his leg as he was walking out the door, all pissed off.
Conner: Now that sounds like the Jim we all know and love.

If you think the person your dating really likes you, you don't have to break up with him.
Conner: Well, just look at you and Jim. Ouch. Sandy, I'm getting sore from you smacking me.
Blair: This statement makes no sense to me at all.
Conner: Blair, it's a fucking survey. Stop thinking.

If you don't shave, no one will know.
Blair: Everyone would know. And I'm not just talking about my face.
Conner: God, I wondered about that. Tell me how hard that is to do.
Blair: I thought we weren't supposed to think so much. It was only a survey.
Conner: So, I lied. Now tell me.
Blair: Aloe Vera Pubic area Nair. It's the best. You can use it anywhere.
Conner: Holy shit.

If you're dumb, some people will find it cute.
Blair: I find this one stupid.
Conner: Total agreement. But do you ever do this to get Jim's attention?
Blair: They didn't ask that.
Conner: But I did.
Blair: Yeah, all the time, and he falls for it, hook, line and sinker.

You don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
Blair: Hell I don't even remember these movies.
Conner: I've never seen them.

You can dress yourself. (Hang on a minute, I had to help Sandy up from the floor. OKay, we both have our breath back)
Conner: God, Sandy are you alright? That was a nasty fall out of the chair. Start breathing properly again.
Blair: This is just so Jim. I kid you not. I have to tell him what goes with what. He doesn't have a clue. Making him fucking clueless. Thankfully I find that very sexy in a guy.
Conner: Sandy, you are such a slut.

And...
Your hair is yours to keep.
Blair: Promise not to tell anyone? I'm losing some of my hair.
Conner: It's called receding, Sandy. Nothing to be alarmed about.

If you ARE bald, people will think you did it on purpose, and you're really chic.
Conner: Hey look how great Annie Lennox looked. I could see myself doing something like that. Stop laughing, Sandy. Stop, or I'll tell Jim everything you've said today.

You don't have to pretend to like cigars.
Blair: I hate cigars.
Conner: Me too.

You'll never have to blow 2 months salary on anything.
Blair: Oh man, this is so not true.
Conner: I know, tell me about it. I've spent a fortune on a guy I really cared about.

If you marry someone 20 years younger, you know you look like an idiot.
Blair: I'm a little wierd about this one. Jim is after all 9 years older than me.
Conner: Sandy, 8 or 9 years isn't bad. * Except in dog years. *

You're rarely compelled to scream at the TV.
Conner: I scream at the telly all the time. How about you, Sandy?
Blair: Oh yeah, not just that, I also scream at the computer screen.

You and your friends don't have to get totally wasted in order to share your feelings.
Blair: If Jim wouldn't have gotten shitfaced, he would have never told me how he felt about me. Then he wouldn't have fucked me senseless.
Conner: God, he's such a romantic. Ouch. Stop hitting me, Sandy.
Blair: Just think, I'd still be sleeping down below in that small space.
Conner: Oh you mean the old bedroom. I thought you meant under Jim. Sorry.

If you pick up the check once in a while, that's plenty.
Blair: I do this.
Conner: So do I. I hate when everyone thinks that the guy has to pay. And in your case, the bigger guy.
Blair: I hate when you do that Conner.
Conner: Well what do you want me to say?
Blair: How about the other man, that is taller, but yet smaller?
Conner: Oh you are evil, Sandy, evil.

Sitting and watching people is all the entertainment you need.
Blair: I not only do this, but totally enjoy it.
Conner: Again, I understand why we're such good friends. I totally agree.

Your friend won't think you're weird when you ask if there's spinach in your teeth.
Blair: Conner, is there Spinach in my teeth?
Conner: Nope, any in mine?
Blair: Oh yeah, no, over further. Yes, you almost have it.
Conner: Wait a minute, we didn't have any spinach.
Blair: I know, ain't it cool?

When you get a million catalogues in the mail, it's a good thing.
Blair: I hate junk mail.
Conner: Ditto.

Sometimes, chocolate truly can solve all your problems.
Blair: When I try to soften up Jim, I give him Chocolate.
Conner: Why would you want to soften him up, wouldn't that defeat the whole purpose?
Blair: Fuck you, Conner.
Conner: You wish, Sandy, you wish.
Blair: I'm going to tell Jim.
Conner: Fine I'll tell him about that remark about being taller, but smaller somewhere else.
Blair: Touche.

If you're under 6', you don't have to lie about it.
Blair: Keep laughing, Conner and I'm going to haul off and smack you big time.
Conner: If you keep hitting me, I'm going to be black and blue.

You'll never regret piercing your ears.
Blair: Everytime Jim sucks on my ear and earring, I think of that. Very sensitive.
Conner: Sandy, keep this up and I'm going to jump Jim when he gets here.

You can fully assess someone just by looking at his or her shoes.
Blair: I sure as hell can.
Conner: Tell me about it.

You'll never discover you've been fooled by a Wonderbra.
Conner: We both hate the word wonderbra. It sounds like something that Wonderwoman left when she was at your place. Not that I would turn down wonderwoman. But hell, why call it that? It's like taunting us.
Blair: it's a stupid thing to call a bra. And I wonder why anyone would care how they look with that bra on. Once you take it off, the man or woman is going to know, it didn't do wonders anyhow.
Conner: Touche.

You don't have hair on your back.
Conner: Do you have hair on your back, Sandy? Ouch. God, stop smacking me.
Blair: No, I have a hairy chest, but not my back. Now drop it.

If anything on your body isn't as big as it should be, you can get implants.
Blair: I can't help it, this one is making me laugh.
Conner: Tell me about tit. Oh, sorry, I meant to say it.

You can tell which glass was yours by the lipstick mark.
Blair: Conner, I might try some and see the look on Jim's face when he comes home.
Conner: Holey Moley batboy, stop pinching me. I can't help it if that thought makes me hysterical.

If you have big ears, no one has to know.
Blair: Do you think I have big ears?
Conner: No, Sandy, not you. *Dumbo Jr.*

You can be attracted to someone just because they're really funny.
Conner: Well in your case, Sandy, it would be someone really funny looking. Ow. I'm going to kick your ass when we're done with this.
Blair: You better be nice. You know damn well you think Jim is handsome.
Conner: fine, he's okay.
Blair: Man, where is my tape recorder?

You can borrow your spouse's clothes and it doesn't mean you belong on Jerry Springer.
Blair: Well this made no sense for me or Jim.
Conner: It makes no sense for me either. But I'd like to see you and Jim on Jerry Springer anyhow.

Conner: Oh man, I accidentally sent it off to Simon, Brown, Rafe, Jim, and Joel. Sorry, Sandy.
Blair: If you did, I'm going to really kick your ass, girl.
Conner: Did you bring a lunch?
Blair: I hate when you make me laugh, when trying to be serious.
Conner: I love you, Sandy.
Blair: I love you too, Conner.

************

END