Title: Phantom

Author/psuedonym: Ramblin Rose

Pairing: J/B

Rating: NC-17

Category: Halloween Challenge Ghost Story

Date: October 21, 2000

Series/sequel:

Status: new

Archive: Sure

Disclaimer: These guys don't belong to me, never did, never will, but I can dream. Petfly doesn't like to share. They also don't pay me, darn it anyhow.

Notes: This is a challenge made from the Hidden Truths List.

Warning: m/m

Summary: Blair sees a phantom and has to help figure out what it means. How can he help Jim. He has to help Jim before he loses him.

Phantom

By Ramblin Rose

Blair Sandburg was worried sick about his partner. Jim was very withdrawn lately. He wouldn't let Blair get close to him at all. In fact, their love life had dropped to nothing. Blair was saddened by this, but also knew that his usual sexy, horny partner was having problems or they'd be in bed right now. Blair was not a man that gave up easily. He'd find out what was going on if it killed him.

Simon picked up the phone to call Blair. He didn't like the idea that Jim asked him to call, but since Jim volunteered to go on the stakeout and no one else did, what could he say? Something was up with Ellison, Simon just didn't know what.

Blair heard the phone ringing and picked it up, answering, "Sandburg."

"Blair, this is Simon. Jim asked me to call and let you know that he won't be home tonight. He didn't want you to worry about him. He's on a stakeout with Henry."

"Thanks for calling and letting me know, Simon." Blair said sadly. He knew that his friend and lover was avoiding him. He didn't know what to do. Blair felt like he was on the verge of loosing the man that was his life.

He walked up the stairs to their bedroom and sat on the bed. All of a sudden the electricity went out leaving Blair in the dark. And unlike his sentinel, he was blind as a bat in the dark. Over in the corner of their room he saw something moving and coming towards him. *Oh god, Blair thought to himself, I'm losing my mind. This looks like a ghost or something. *

The apparition continued moving towards him and Blair could make out a face and body. He was dressed in fatigues, as in Army Ranger fatigues. Why would an Army Ranger be visiting him? * And why am I not more worried about this ghost coming towards me? *

Once the apparition got next to the bed, he smiled down at Blair and looked as if he wanted to touch him. Blair looked at him with such sadness. He knew that this wasn't just a fluke. He was there for a reason. He must have had something to do with Jim.

"Do you know, Jim?" Blair asked timidly. The ghost nodded the affirmative. Blair knew that he'd have to ask more questions and this might take all night. And why tonight?

"Why are you here? Is Halloween something special to you and Jim?"

Again, the ghost nodded the affirmative. "You're about as talkative as Jim is."

The ghost looked like he was laughing, when Blair said that. * Well, good, he at least doesn't hate me. *

The ghost motioned for the Blair to get on the bed. Scared to death, but wanting to know what was next, he lay on the bed and closed his eyes. The next thing he knew he was in the dark. Then Blair was in a room, in the corner watching Jim and this ghost. Jim walked up to the ghost and smiled and kissed him. * Man this hurts having to watch Jim's past. *

Jim said, "Nick, I love you. I'll love you forever."

Nick answered, "There'll never be any others, right? I mean it's you and me forever, right?"

"Always," Jim said softly, "and this will be our official anniversary."

"On Halloween, Jim?" Nick asked. v "Any better ideas, Nick?" Jim asked smiling and taking Nick into his arms and started to kiss him again.

The room went dark again and Blair could see Jim surrounded by dead bodies on the ground in Peru. In the middle of the jungle screaming out Nick's name, over and over again. The pain in Jim's voice was unbearable for Blair. * Oh god, he thinks that he is being unfaithful to Nick, by loving me. *

Now, Blair found himself back in the loft again. He was so sad. He looked around for the spirit, but he no longer was present.

Blair dialed Jim's cell number and Jim answered, "Ellison."

All Blair could do was cry. He started sobbing into the phone, not saying a word. "Blair?" Jim asked with fear in his voice. "What's wrong?"

Still Blair was unable to talk to him. "Blair hang up and I'll be home in a few minutes."

Hanging up the cell phone, Jim called Simon and said, "Sir, I'm sorry to wake you, but I need someone to cover for me. It's Blair, something's wrong."

"Jim, give me ten minutes and I'll cover for you." Simon said quickly while starting to dress.

"Thank you, Simon." Jim said as he closed the cell phone and looked at the worried looks coming from Henry. "Don't worry, H, Blair will be fine. I'm just worried."

When Simon got there, Jim was out of the van in a flash. He drove as carefully as he could to get home. Once there he rushed up the stairs to get to Blair.

As he entered the loft, he heard Blair's heartbeat beating much harder than it usually did. He looked upstairs and saw a faint light coming from up there. As Jim came up to the top of the stairs he saw what Blair was looking at. Jim couldn't believe his eyes. It was Nick. * Oh shit, why not just kill me, someone? Right now. I can't do this anymore. *

Blair looked at Jim and saw the impending zone and jumped off the bed and led Jim over to it and pushed him down. Whispering, Blair said, "Nick is trying to tell us something."

"Today is our anniversary and I promised him I'd never love anyone else"

"Jim, you were young, you made a promise that you both knew that you couldn't keep."

"That's why he's here, he's trying to tell me to remember him." Blair saw the tears running down Jim's cheeks. The phantom came closer to the bed and Jim started backing away from it. Blair said, "Jim, he can't hurt you. He wants you to lie on the bed and close your eyes and see what he has to show you."

"Fuck that shit, Blair. I know what I have to do. I'm so sorry, but this isn't going to work."

Blair shoved Jim down on the bed and pushed his eyelids closed and said; "Now relax and open your mind and heart."

Jim was lying there in the dark, and the next moment he was with Nick in the bed. He watched as he and Nick made love. It wasn't the love like he and Blair had now, but they had been young and inexperienced. Then the Phantoms started talking.

Jim said, "Nick, I love you. I'll love you forever."

Nick answered, "There'll never be any others, right? I mean it's you and me forever, right?"

"Always," Jim said softly, "and this will be our official anniversary."

"On Halloween, Jim?" Nick asked.

"Any better ideas, Nick?" Jim asked smiling and taking Nick into his arms and started to kiss him again.

Then the Nick that was the phantom went into the body the past Nick and said, "Jim, we were young. We didn't know that people actually died and went on."

The Phantom Jim said, "No, we both promised to love each other forever. We can't forget that. We're forever, Nick."

"In your heart and mind, you'll always have me. But in real life, there is no room for me. I don't want to be there. Because of you, I can't move on. I want to leave, Jim. I want to be at rest."

"Nick, I can't let you go. You know how much I love you. How could I love Blair as much."

The room went dark and then Blair was in the room with a Phantom Jim and Blair. They were making love on the bed. Phantom Jim was telling Phantom Blair he was his life. He watched them for a while and realized that he truly did love Blair. He always had. But couldn't get past the fact that Blair wasn't Nick. Jim shouldn't have loved someone else. Looking at the Phantom Nick in the corner, Jim said, "I know that I love him, but I had no right. I was in love with you. I had made promises."

Again the room got dark as Jim entered the next part of this fucking nightmare. When he opened his eyes, he saw the old Nick with a man. They were both in uniforms. And they were getting undressed. This man was fucking his Nick. This must have been before Jim.

Nick from the past said, "Promise you won't tell Jim. He'll kick your ass and mine too. He thinks that you can only do this with one person at a time."

The stranger said, "Do I look stupid. I might be in the unit but I know Ellison well enough to know better than to flaunt this in front of him."

Jim sat there watching him fucking this guy from his unit, and had tears running down his face. * You are so pathetic, Ellison. You can't do anything right. *

When Jim opened his eyes, Blair was beside him and holding him as Jim sobbed into Blair's chest. "He was fucking someone else. He didn't love me Blair; he didn't love me. He never did."

"Shhhhh, Jim, it's okay. Everything will be okay. I love you Jim, like no other has. And I won't ever be with anyone else at the same time. You know that."

Blair looked over Jim's shoulder and could see tears on the face of the Phantom. It must have hurt him to show Jim his past. He wasn't as bad as Jim was thinking he was. He probably did love Jim. But Blair wasn't going to tell him that right now.

"Jim, I want to tell you something important. If something happens to me. I would love that you'd be happy if you found someone else. I don't want you to die without me. I don't want you to mope without me. I want your happiness. Promise me that both of us will try to live for the other one, if one of us goes."

"Blair, never leave me. Please?"

"Jim, you know I can't promise you that. But while I'm here I'll love you forever. But once I'm gone, please promise you'll try to be happy."

"I'll promise to try. How is that?" Then Jim started to make love to his life. He didn't want to lose him for anything. And he vowed to make up for the last month of loneliness that he had caused Blair.

"That will do, Jim. I can't ask for more than that. At least now I know what was going on with you. I really thought you didn't love me. And I was sooooo scared."

"I'm so sorry, Blair. I'm really sorry." Jim said as he continued the lovemaking. This was going to be a good year. Jim felt better about himself and about how he felt about he and Blair.

As they got more into the lovemaking, neither man noticed the Phantom in the corner sobbing at the love he had missed out on and never ever realized he needed. All of his life, he wondered what real love was. And here it was in front of him. Jim and Blair were made for each other.

The Phantom had missed out on love, because of his lack of seriousness. Jim had loved him at one time, he could have had what Blair has, if only Nick would have been more mature. Now Nick had to remember this for all eternity. As he took one more look at the lovers he knew what he had truly missed out on and left.

When Jim and Blair woke up in the morning, they clung to each other. Both knew what happened last night was real, but neither wanted to talk about it. Which was all right.

"Blair, I love you. If I ever do something like this again, please feel free to kick my ass."

"Sure enough, Jim. I always do what you say." Laughing they both got out of bed, happy that they were among the living and had a chance to live the love that most people only dream about.

The end.