Title: Perfect III: Far from Perfect

Author: Tayla

Fandom: The Sentinel

Pairing: Blair/Rafe, Jim/Blair UST

Rating: R

Category: Angst

Status: Completed July 2, 2002

Archive: Yes to WWOMB/Peja. All others please ask

Feedback: Yes, please. All constructive criticism will be graciously accepted

Series/Sequel: Part Three of the "Perfect" series

Disclaimers: The Sentinel and its characters belong to Pet Fly Productions and Paramount
Network Television. No copyright infringement is intended. The author makes no profit and
exists solely on the accolades from fellow fans.

Authors Notes: we've heard from Jim and we've heard from Rafe. Now it's Blair's turn.

Summary: Blair thinks about the man who loves him and the man he loves. Unfortunately
for everyone, they're not the same person.

Warnings: slash.

Perfect III: Far from Perfect
by Tayla

How did my life get so fucked up?

I've always wanted to be an anthropologist, from the time that I knew the meaning of the
word. And that's quite a long time, I was a brilliant little kid. My whole academic career
was geared towards that goal. I only had one other goal since I was twelve and read
Burton's monograph, and that was to find my very own Sentinel.

Against all odds, I found him. And I was well on the way to becoming a full-fledged
anthropologist with a doctorate and everything.

So what went wrong?

I fell in love that's what went wrong.

I should have been happy just being his friend and his Guide. And I am happy being his
friend and his Guide, but I wanted more.

I thought I was going to get more, too. When he brought me back from death, and we
merged like that . . . it was perfect. For a few moments, my Sentinel and I were one, the
way it should be. I thought my life after that would be perfect.

But it's not. It's far from perfect.

He doesn't want me.

Oh he needs me. He can't control his senses without me. And I think he resents that. He is so independent he doesn't like to admit that he needs anyone, least of all me.

He said I was a good cop. He even helped to get me a badge and get me into the Academy. Well he's not stupid. He knows he needs me, and the easiest way to keep me close is to make me a cop.

I don't even mind that. I think I'll be a good cop. I'm not happy about the gun, but I'll do fine. I'll be his friend and his partner and his
Guide. I wish I could be his lover, too.

But he doesn't want me.

Okay. That's okay, I'll just find someone else. Easy right?

Wrong.

I shouldn't have done it. I knew I shouldn't have. But I was lonely. And horny. And he was there and he wanted me. He rolled right over and gave me his ass.

The first time I thought about Jim. Almost said his name, too. Since then I've always taken Rafe on his back, and I keep my eyes open, so I remember who I'm with. He deserves that much.

He deserves more than that. But I can't give it to him. Damn it. I shouldn't have even started this. Now he's in the same fix I am. In love with a man who can't love him back.

How do I know he's in love with me? He asked me to move in with him, and he's starting to bad mouth Jim. I asked him not to do that. I told him that I could be with him and have sex with him, but we weren't going to talk about Jim. I told him the first night that he and I were friends and I like him and I can fuck around with him, but I can't love him. I did tell him.

He didn't listen. Or he thought he could handle it. He just doesn't understand. Jim and I belong together. Of course Jim doesn't understand that, either. He's the Sentinel; I'm the Guide. We're supposed to be everything to each other.

But he won't give me everything. He won't take that final step. It could be so perfect if he would just trust me with his heart.

Right now, it's just a big mess.

I wonder if it's better for Rafe. At least he gets to sleep with the guy he's in love with.

END