Title: Only When I Scream
Author: Angela
Fandom: The Sentinel
Pairing: Jim/Blair
Rating: PG-13
Challenge: Peja’s Only When I scream challenge
Status: Complete
Archive: WWOMB
Feedback: Yes
Email Address: ladybug74873@hotmail.com
Series/Sequel: if you want any
Disclaimers: They aren’t mine. Petfly and UPN own them
Summary: Blair is having nightmares and doesn’t think Jim loves him and only wants to be there for the nightmares. He finds out differently
Warnings: none that I know of
Notes: none.
Further Disclaimer: none
Only When I Scream
by Angela
Only when I scream do you hold me in your arms. Only when I scream do you comfort me. Only when I scream do you show that you love me. Do I have to scream just for you to show me the love and devotion that you show me when I scream from my nightmares? Do I have to have more and more nightmares for you to come to me in love?
Is it only when I scream that you pay attention to me? Do you not know that I am here? That I am and always will be yours. That there is know one else for me but you. Is it when only when I scream that the concern shows. Do I look like I don’t need that emotion coming from you? I know what kind of person you are. You are so kind, gentle, loving but you don’t show those emotions to me. It is only when I scream.
When the nightmares started at first you didn’t come. And then you came when only I screamed. You came with open arms and an open heart. But when it was daylight you closed off again. I don’t know how much I can take this. I want and need your love but you seem interested in someone else. What will it take? More screams in the night. More tears. More frustrations. Will it take this case to make you see that I need you? I need more than just your nightly visits to help me through the nightmares. I need you even in the daylight. I need you to hold me in the mornings. I need you to tell me how much you love me. I need you to take all the hurt and pain away not just at night but all the time.
Only when I scream do you see me. Do you not see me when we work side by side? Do you not see me when I give my opinion? Do you not care? I know you do. I can see brief flashes of the love and concern that you have for me. I know it. I know that love is there. But is it there only when I scream.
Screaming out in his daily nightmare Blair reaches for the strong arms of Jim Ellison. The Sentinel takes his Guide in his arms and rocks the younger man in the comfort that he so desperately needs. Jim lightly whispers words of comfort as Blair drifts off into a less fitful sleep than the previous nights that he has had. Jim holds the young observer and professor until he himself is tired. Gently Jim removes the younger man from his arms and walks towards the doors of the Guide’s room. Jim looks back with blue eyes so filled with love that is hurts. He blows a kiss towards the young man and then walks up to his room. Blair stirs a little to only wake up and feel that the strong arms have left. Tears come to the younger man’s eyes. He wants more from the Sentinel. He wants to have all the love in the world from the older man but knows that it is only when he screams. Blair sighs and settles down with a breathy "only when I scream" heard by Sentinel ears.
*
The next morning found a drowsy Guide and cranky Sentinel facing each other. Blair didn’t know what to do. He wanted Jim to realize that he needed him for more than comforting after a nightmare.
"Only when I scream." He thought.
Jim sucking in his breath made the younger man look up at him sharply. Apparently Blair had spoken out loud and didn’t realize it. Jim took a second look at his Guide. He found there a scared young man.
"What’s wrong, Blair. Tell me. Did I do something." Jim said reaching out and stroking Blair’s cheek.
"I love you so much, Jim. But you only seem to care when I scream out in my nightmares. I’ll go if you want."
"No, Blair. I don’t want. I want you to stay. I love you, too. I don’t know what I would do without you. You are very special to me."
Blair looked up at his Sentinel. He was speechless. Jim really and truly loved him. Jim reached for the young Guide who fell into the big detective’s arms. They stayed like that for a few moments until they realized that they would have to leave at some moment. Jim smiled into the curly head before he let go of Blair. He had what he wanted for what seemed like an eternity. He had his Guide and love and that love was returned full force. Blair slowly left Jim’s arms to get ready for the day. Jim watched him as he went into the bathroom. He sighed. He didn’t want this day to end. Maybe Simon would let him go early that way he could make a special evening for Blair. He had finally got Blair.
"Chief, I have to go see you later this evening." Jim called.
Sentinel ears caught the I love you and goodbye that Blair threw back at him. That made Jim smile. Blair walked out of the bathroom to watch as Jim left the loft for the police station. He smiled. His heart was bursting with love for his Sentinel. He couldn’t believe it. Jim loved him. Loved him like no other person. He sighed.
Later that night Blair found himself under a loving Sentinel. He was crying out in passion instead of from nightmares. Jim made love to the young professor all night. He showed the young man how much he loved him.
Blair smiled and held onto the detective tightly. He was home and it was filled with love.
Only when I scream you comfort me in love and now I know you are doing this for me. You love me like no other person has ever loved me. Only when I scream I am screaming in passion and not from nightmares.
Only when I scream I have your strong arms around me for love and not just comfort. When I scream you have made me cry out my passion.
"I love you, Jim." Blair whispers.
Jim smiles and snuggles the younger man closely. Blair’s dreams are now filled with love, trust, gentleness and his Sentinel. He has come home. Jim would always have his heart. And Blair would always have Jim’s.
The end.