Title: No ordinary love

Author/ pseudonym: Morgana.

Fandom: The Sentinel.

Parings: Blair/ Jim.

Rating: NC-17 for explicit sexual content or violence.

Status: finished.

Archive: Yes, just drop me a note telling me where you're archiving it.

Series/Sequel: sequel to 'Too late?'

Disclaimer: The Sentinel is a creation by Danny Bilson and Paul DeMeo and belongs to Paramount Pictures, Pet Fly Productions & UPN.

Summary; after discovering his shaman powers Jim and Blair work on their relationship. More supernatural encounters and a criminal from Jim's past who wants some payback.

Warning: This story is definitely Alternate Universe!

Spoilers; this story takes place after Sentinel too, part 2.

Notes: //… // depicts thoughts.

No ordinary love

By Morgana

"Jim? Shouldn't we give Simon a call?" Blair peeked impishly at his lover. "Considering he might be worried…" At least Jim had mentioned something like that earlier. Damn, he shouldn't have had that third beer; he was growing giddy.

"Ah, but who's going to do the talking? That would be you, Chief." Jim leaned back and enjoyed the sparkle in Blair's eyes. He'd missed seeing it these last weeks. It felt good to have everything in the open. There had been a few surprises though, like Incacha's involvement. They should discuss this later more in depth, but now…

Jim handed him the phone, nudging him to dial Simon's number. "I'll be your backup if things get rough," he whispered softly and his heart thumped quietly at the sight of Blair's mischievous smile. "You got any idea how much I missed you, babe?"

Blair blushed weakly, still getting used to their changed relationship. "Missed you too," he whispered sincerely. "I can't believe tonight's really happening. I'm still expecting to wake up in Simon's guest room."

"Never again, sweetheart." Jim got to his feet. "I should put some sheets on your bed, get you some blankets… why don't you call Simon?"

"You'll stay close?" Blair licked his lips, curious to find out what kind of effect that had on Jim. Hearing a strangled moan he dialed Simon's number and grinned smugly.

"You're a tease." Jim shook his head. "I'm in so much trouble," he muttered and retreated into Blair's room. However, he did dial his sense of hearing up so he could listen in on the phone call.

"Simon Banks."

Blair giggled, hearing the annoyed tone and cursed those beers he'd had. "Simon? It's me, Blair."

"BLAIR!"

"Oops," Blair groaned. "Am I grounded?" he asked, deciding to play along. It felt so good to laugh! "Guess I didn't make it home in time?"

"It's passed midnight! I was getting worried!" Simon grinned broadly, thankful that Blair couldn't see the expression on his face. Hearing Blair giggle was almost too much for the captain, remembering the nervous state the young man had been in earlier.

"I'm not coming home tonight… dad," Blair added wickedly, yet he also felt a sting of remorse, never having known his real father. Maybe Jim was right and Simon was the closest thing he had to a father figure? "Jim and I talked…"

Simon smugly twirled an unlit cigar in his fingers. Yeah, definitely good news. "You talked things through?"

Blair peeked at his bedroom, where Jim was changing the sheets. "Jim can hear us, you know." He didn't doubt that his lover was using his Sentinel abilities to listen to their conversation.

"Just spill it, kid."

"He… loves me, Simon… you were right. This was a date." Blair's eyes glowed hearing the chuckle that emanated from his bedroom. "Eavesdropping isn't polite!" he reminded Jim, but didn't get an answer. "He wants me to move back in," he informed Simon, "and I said yes."

"That's great, Sandburg. I hoped things would work out." Simon enjoyed his cigar and poured himself some brandy. Apparently dinner had gone really well. "You deserve some happiness, kid. After all you've been through lately…" he didn't finish the sentence, reminded of finding Blair dead in the fountain. "So what are you doing talking to me, when you could be doing a million things with Jim?"

Blair completely relaxed. "Thanks for being there, man."

"Hey, you're part of the family, Sandburg," Simon said reassuringly. It was true. Sandburg had managed to find a way into his heart.

"I'll pick up my stuff tomorrow, that okay?"

"Sure, kid. Have some sweet dreams!" Simon quipped, delighted to hear Sandburg's sharp intake of breath. As he terminated the call, he leaned back, put his feet up on the coffee table and changed channels until he came across a game. Yeah, life was good!

///

Jim returned to the living room and leaned against the wall, studying his lover. Blair was on the couch, knees pulled up, arms resting on his knees, chin placed on his hands. The soft curls hid part of his face, but blue sparkled through the strands of hair.

And suddenly he realized how close he'd come to losing Blair. A flashback overwhelmed him and he was back at the fountain, desperately trying to revive Blair. Oh, fuck, he'd messed up back then! Trembling violently, he tried to bury the memory again, but failed. He'd failed to protect his Guide, his Shaman!

"Jim?" Worried, Blair tried to catch Jim's gaze, which was unfocused and cloudy. "Jim?" Quickly, he leaped to his feet. "Are you zoning, Jim?" Nervously, he shuffled his feet. "Jim? Talk to me."

Blair's demanding voice brought him back to the present, but the pain was still too close. "Dammit, Blair, I was scared I'd lost you." He raised a shaky hand and caressed his lover's face. "Why didn't I know what Alex was up to?"

"She tried to kill you and she hoped that by finishing me off her secret would be safe," Blair explained patiently. They would never be rid of Alex's shadow in their lives. "Just don't blame yourself, big guy." Tenderly, he leaned into the touch, rubbing his face against his lover's hand. "Why don't we try to get some sleep instead? We got to move all my stuff back in tomorrow."

"You're right," Jim sighed. Wasn't Blair always right? But he still wished Blair would join him upstairs. He wanted to hold his lover badly, reassuring himself Blair was all right and back in his life.

Blair smiled knowingly. Jim's emotions were clearly written all over his face… a first! "It feels good to be back," he whispered as they walked into his old room. Surprised, he noticed a red flannel shirt lying on the bed. Hadn't he taken that with him when he'd moved out?

Jim followed his lover's gaze and shrugged his shoulders apologetically. "I kept it, needed something to remind me of you. It has your scent."

Touched, Blair turned around and hugged his lover close. "Why didn't we talk in Sierra Verde?"

"I wasn't ready, Chief," Jim realized and his fingers tangled in Blair's locks. "I needed to realize that I was losing you all over again."

Blair drew in a deep breath and then released Jim. "You never lost me… really lost me…" But they had come close to severing that connection between them! "And I'm here as long as you want me."

"For the rest of our lives," Jim supplied and brushed Blair's lips longingly. "You sure you don't want to sleep upstairs?"

Blair nodded his head. "I'm sure… but I promise you won't be alone tonight," he whispered absentmindedly.

"Chief?" That last remark struck him as… odd.

Blair collapsed on his bed, feeling fatigued. "I can visit you in my dreams, when I'm asleep," he explained. "When you were at the hospital I was there all night long."

"In your dreams?" Jim's brow grew furrowed. "Chief… during those dreams… did you ever sit with me here in the loft?"

"Yeah, man, I did." Blair looked up questioningly. "Why are you asking?"

"A few nights ago… when I woke I could have sworn you were in the loft. Your scent was so… real, close."

"The night you fell asleep on the couch?" Blair wondered about the extent of his Shaman powers. Had Incacha known that Jim could sense him? He had known all along that the Chopec had some kind of hidden agenda.

"You were here!" Jim exclaimed. "Why the hell are we bothering sleeping in separate rooms? Can you tell me that?"

Blair didn't know the answer to that one. "Well, maybe we can… you know like cuddle before… really going to sleep? If I change my mind I can still come back down here?" Surprised, he sucked in his breath. Jim's face shone with joy.

"Come upstairs with me, babe," he said in a soft tone. "I just want to hold you." He captured Blair's stare, convincing him he was serious. Now that he'd started to let out all these emotions it was hard to stop. "I need you close."

"Fine," Blair gave in and picked up his shirt. "I trust you," he stated nervously. Was this going too fast? Was it? "Just holding…"

Jim wondered about Blair's need to be reassured, but accepted it. "Yeah."

Together they climbed the stairs to the loft. Blair, who walked in front of him suddenly halted in his tracks. "How did Blackie get up here?" The crow sat on the windowsill, waiting for them.

"Beats me, sweetheart." He wondered how to make Blair more comfortable, but eventually he gave up. This was something new and Blair needed time. //He can have all the time he needs!// Slowly, he took off his clothes until he only wore his boxer shorts.

Blair's strangled moan made him look up. "You're blushing!" Jim said affectionately. //Is Blair also this shy when he's with a woman?// His brow grew knitted; he'd never noticed Blair being reserved. "You okay?" he asked and pushed back the covers of the bed. "Are you going to sleep in all those clothes?" Blair's wavering look surprised him.

"I'm cold, man," Blair whispered and reluctantly slipped out of his clothes. It wasn't like Jim hadn't seen him partly undressed before. There had been that time when Jim had bandaged his ribs. //If I'd been a Sentinel I would have zoned on the sense of his fingers on my skin back then.//

Although Jim didn't understand his lover's hesitant behavior he didn't tell him to hurry up. A brief glimpse of Blair's tight ass shot a painful sting into his groin. //Down boy, not yet!//

Blair quickly slipped into the red flannel shirt. Nervously he looked at the empty side of the bed. Jim patted the spot next to him and after taking a deep breath Blair crawled underneath the covers. The first skin on skin contact had him shivering. Jim's skin was electrifying and he wondered how the hell he was supposed to sleep tonight!

Invitingly, Jim opened his arms, hoping Blair would take the hint and move into them. With obvious nervousness Blair snuggled up to him. "What's wrong, Chief?" he asked with a sense of foreboding. Where had Blair's giggling and grins gone?

"It's just new, Jim. I'll get over it." Blair carefully rested his head on Jim's shoulder and curled one arm around his lover's chest. Hard muscle met exploring fingertips and again Blair wondered why Jim was attracted to him. Jim was so gorgeous, a prime example of man and he felt… //inadequate.// Yeah, he played basketball, loved sports, but his body would never show the fine muscle tone Jim possessed.

Jim pulled his lover closer, wrapping his arms around him. He listened to Blair's controlled breathing, but the fast heartbeat gave his lover away. He needed to do something before this turned awkward. His fingers gently massaged Blair's scalp and he kissed his lover's brow. "Love you, Chief."

"Love you too…"

Blair's chuckle surprised him. He could tell from the movement of Blair's head that the younger man was laughing against his chest. //That's better, everything is better than this damn nervousness!// Curious, he asked, "Why are you laughing, babe?"

"Us, Jimbo…" Blair's grin intensified hearing Jim's moan of disapproval at hearing that nickname. "We're mushy!"

"Mushy is good," Jim replied amused. "I love mushy."

"Jim…" Blair relaxed, getting used to the warm body pressed against his, but he was still cold.

Blair moved about and Jim moved with his lover. As Jim's hand slipped beneath the comforter it only encountered cold skin. "Blair?" Suddenly, icy cold feet were pressed against his. "Damn, you're cold!"

"I wouldn't mind you warming me a little…" Blair hesitated to add the term of endearment balancing on his tongue. He'd noticed Jim's need to call him nicknames and he didn't really mind, but… "Hot lips."

"Hot lips? That's all you can come up with?" Jim captured his lover's feet between his calves and tried to rub some warmth into the cold skin. "Want me to get another blanket?"

"No, don't get up. You're warm… my own portable heater," Blair quipped relaxed. "Jim, my eyes are dropping shut, man…"

"Then go to sleep, babe. I'll watch over you, keep you safe." Somehow the promise sounded hollow after failing to keep him safe only a few weeks ago. "No one's going to get close to you."

Blair smiled, already half asleep. Yeah, he could definitely get used to sleeping in Jim's bed!

///

Some time during the night Blair startled awake. Disorientated, he wondered what he was doing in a strange bed, but the night's events quickly returned. He managed to pry his head free and affectionately he looked up at Jim's face, still deeply asleep. The smoke poisoning was probably causing Jim's fatigue and his body needed the rest.

Blair didn't mind that his Sentinel remained asleep. It gave him the rare opportunity to study his lover. //My lover… still sounds strange. Who would have thought he would try to… seduce me. Hey, I don't know what else to call it!//

Jim's face was peaceful in sleep and Blair tried to remain as motionless as possible, unwilling to disturb his lover's sleep. //Definitely handsome…// he thought pleased. //That's why it's even more surprising that he wants me.// Dealing with unrequited love for three years had made him apprehensive. Something would go wrong and he would screw this up like he had his previous relationships!

That doubt, that insecurity nagged at him and he knew it was something he had to deal with, but… he wanted this to work and knowing he could mess up kept him alert. //Will never give you a reason to doubt my love, Jim. Will never be unfaithful.// He shivered, vividly remembering the vision in which their spirit guides had merged. Ever since that moment he'd felt this bond, but Jim's attraction to Alex had shattered his every hope. //And here I am… in his bed, in his arms and he told me he loves me.//

From the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of Blackie who'd fallen apparently asleep as its eyes were closed. Fondly, Blair returned to study Jim's face. //My ever vigilant watchman!// he quipped privately. //Yeah right!//

Feeling safe and cherished in Jim's arms he closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep, but something tugged him awake again. Something was wrong… definitely wrong.

//Danger!// The word flashed in his mind and his breathing quickened. //We're being watched!// he knew with certainty. He felt the intruding eyes, the loathsome presence. It was evil. Was it here to hurt them or just him?

A growl, low and filled with threat startled him. His skin turned to goose flesh and he forced himself not to jump out of bed. Should he wake Jim? Why hadn't Jim heard that growl in the first place?

Confused, he reacted instinctively, going into a trance to find the source of this disturbance. It wasn't even a conscious decision to return to the spirit plane, but for some reason he hoped to find the answer there.

Looking about, he only saw jungle. The black jaguar was nowhere in sight, nor was the wolf. He reached out for Incacha, but quickly realized he was alone. Why was it this dark? Where was the campfire? The moon? And why did he feel so alone?

Another growl made the hair at the back of his neck stand rigid. Danger! His instincts kicked in, realizing he shouldn't be here alone. Somehow it felt like Jim should be here too.

The sudden gust of wind alarmed him and he threw himself onto the grass. A shadow flew over him and something brushed his face, as he couldn't avoid the collision entirely. He winced as claws cut his skin. Droplets of blood dripped down his face. He wasn't safe here!

Looking over his shoulder to see who'd attacked him, he only saw a tail disappear into the jungle, leaving him behind. The animal that had tried to take him down had meant business. He touched the scratches on his face and knew he had to leave the spirit plane. Without protection he couldn't do anything, couldn't reach out or immobilize his assailant.

Still on all fours he pushed himself to his feet, but then collapsed onto the ground as dizziness overwhelmed him. Noise coming from the bushes alerted him that his attacker had returned. Frantically, he tried to think of a way to defend himself. "Incacha!" he whimpered. "I need you."

//The earth will open up for you, Inqucha…//

The earth? Confused, his hands clawed at the grass, wondering what the hell he was supposed to do. It was too late. His assailant leaped at him and this time he caught the feline eyes with his. Throwing himself onto the ground he yelped as the earth seemed to open, swallowing him, gently wrapping itself around him, keeping him safe.

Terrified, he struggled against the moist darkness. //Don't bury me alive!// he pleaded…

-- You're home… Stay… let me soothe you... help you… will protect you… --

The words formed in his mind and they were like nothing he'd ever heard before. It wasn't Incacha. They formed deep within himself. Like he was the one speaking them, except that he couldn't speak. Moist earth caressed his lips, moulded itself to wrap itself around his body.

Suddenly, he realized that he still heard the enraged growls and the earth shifted again, offering him a peek at the animal pacing there. Hateful eyes lighted up in the darkness and Blair held onto the earth in his hands. The earth was his ally… his ally. It didn’t want to hurt him! The insight was sudden and total. Whatever was prowling and growling out there wouldn't get to him.

///

"What!" Jim woke with a snarl, flashing open his eyes. The first thing he noticed was Blackie awkwardly flying over the bed, cawing fiercely. Jim was tempted to open the loft window and throw it out… even though it could be Incacha's spirit guide!

Damn! He had been in the midst of a rather erotic dream in which Blair had straddled his hips, getting ready for some serious loving. //Blair…// The man in his arms was awfully motionless and worried Jim focused on his lover's heartbeat… much too slow!

Alarmed, he rolled Blair onto his back. "Blair? Chief?" Worried, he stared into Blair's open eyes, which blank expression frightened him. He gently rubbed his lover's skin, trying to reach him that way. "Blair? I need you!" Alarm slowly changed into panic, as he remembered Blair staring at the sky like that when they'd just carried him out of that fountain.

"Not again. Chief, don't leave me!" Part of him panicked, but the rational part already searched for an explanation. What was going on? Why was Blair non-responsive?

"A trance?" He nodded his head. Incacha had mentioned that Blair had gone into a trance when they'd been talking on the sofa. Had it happened again? Had it caught Blair in his sleep when he'd been unaware that it was happening? "How do I get you back?"

The crow landed on Blair's chest, gently tapping his beak against the young man's shirt. Jim focused on the bird. What if… "Incacha?" he ventured eventually.

//Go to him…//

Puzzled, Jim tried to understand what the Chopec was trying to tell him. "Want me to follow him onto the spirit plane?" He didn't get an answer and the crow flew back to the windowsill, seemingly expecting him to take action.

His hands touched Blair's brow, just like he'd done at the fountain. Stroking the cold skin he closed his eyes, concentrating on his animal spirit. "Take me to Blair," he instructed firmly. His breathing slowed down as the black jaguar appeared in his mind, running though the jungle and suddenly he was inside the cat's body. Running harder, faster to get to Blair.

Abruptly, he froze, sniffing the air. The scent that lingered in the dark night was familiar yet unknown… but definitely that of an enemy and he leaped onto the clearing. He caught the last sight of burning yellow eyes as the other feline disappeared in the tangled branches of the jungle.

Looking about he wondered where to search for his lover. His body changed and the black jaguar was gone, leaving him behind in his normal shape. It felt good to walk on two legs instead of four. "Use your senses," he chided himself. Blair was close, he smelled his Guide… but his lover was nowhere in sight. "Blair? Where are you?"

///

The words flowed through the loosened earth and reached Blair. //I've got to go back… have to go to him,// he told his savior. //Please?// He didn't even know whom he was addressing, maybe the spirit plane itself.

-- You're safe now… go to him, Shaman. --

The words flowed into his mind and suddenly he could move again. His hands were buried in damp earth, but he dug a way out.

///

The earth moved beneath Jim's feet and quickly he jumped to the side, trying to assess what was happening. His eyes widened at the sight of hands digging themselves a way to the surface. "Blair!" he whispered, instinct feeding him the answer.

He kneeled quickly, using his hands to dig out his lover, who was dirty but apparently unharmed except for some scratches on his left cheek. "Chief, are you trying to give me a heart attack here?" Helping his lover back to his feet he took in Blair's dishevelled appearance. "Why are you here?" His fingers probed the extent of damage to Blair's face. The scratches were deep, but would heal. //Looks like… claw marks.//

Blair needed a moment to regulate his breathing. With firm strokes he removed the dirt from his… clothes? "Oh shit…" There was cloth wrapped around his waist and the body paint was back. Looking up at Jim he waved an accusing finger at the older man. "Don't laugh! At least you're still wearing your boxers!"

Relieved, Jim released a deep sigh. "The things you do to me, Chief… I don't even want to know how you ended up buried in dirt."

"That's no dirt!" Blair exclaimed, his tone almost raving, but then he abruptly stopped. "Something attacked me, Jim," he stated deadly calm. "It was a cat, big cat!"

Jim scanned their surroundings, dialing up his senses. "We're alone now."

"Now, yes! But not when I got here!" Blair walked over to a rock and sat down, carefully touching the scratches on his cheek, which were still bleeding. "Wish I still had my boxers…"

"Well, I like the body paint," Jim confessed, his tone light now that he couldn't locate a possible threat. "Wonder if it's edible…"

"Don't you dare!" Blair crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Great, how do I get rid of this body paint?"

"Wake up?"

Blair rolled his eyes. "Great suggestion!" But something told him that it wasn't an option yet. "Seriously, Jim. Something is trying to hurt us."

Jim was about to dismiss that statement when a ball of light appeared behind Blair. "Uhm, Chief? We've got company."

Blair sighed dramatically. "Jim. I'm not in the mood…"

"My children…" the voice definitely possessed a teasing tone.

That voice caused Blair to spin around and he caught the 'I told you so, but you had to ignore me,' expression on Jim's face. "Incacha," Blair whispered softly. The Chopec's appearance shouldn't surprise him.

"I can no longer help you," Incacha informed them and smiled at the crow sitting on his right shoulder.

"Don’t tell me," Blair stated fatigued. "Blackie?" He relaxed slightly when Jim's arm protectively folded around his waist. Maybe he should listen to Jim more often? "Looks like you were right, big guy," he admitted. Blackie's wing was no longer bandaged and Blair allowed the crow to settle down on his shoulder.

Jim felt strangely out of place. This was something between Incacha and Blair, but he sensed that his lover needed him. So he stayed at Blair's side.

Incacha approached them; his hand lovingly caressing a feather that his animal spirit had left behind. "But before I leave you," he smiled at Blair. "You did well, Inqucha. You trusted the earth to take care of you."

Blair couldn't help it and smugly corrected Jim again. "You see, earth, not dirt."

Exasperated, Jim dramatically raised his arms to the heavens. "Okay, earth!" He took a step away from Blair, sensing Incacha needed to talk to his lover. He watched them, approving of the fact that Incacha reached out and touched the scratches on Blair's face. It almost looked like Blair blushed, but the body paint hid it.

"You passed another trial. Two more will follow before you'll befriend all four spirits, but the earth and fire already obey you." Proudly, he reached for Blair's braid and twisted the feather deeply into the beads until it sat tight. As Incacha stepped away from the young Shaman, he cocked his head and bowed slightly.

"But you must be careful," Incacha continued; now addressing them both. "A disturbed spirit is trying to kill you, Inqucha. You must protect him, Enqueri."

"Against whom? Against what?" Jim asked worried. Blair had already hinted that there was trouble and Incacha now confirmed that.

"I can't tell you," Incacha said regretfully. "It will be your last test, Inqucha. I can't teach you any more. You're a Shaman."

Blair shook his head, "You're wrong! I know nothing! I'm only starting to learn!"

But the crow left his shoulder and returned to Incacha. "You're strong," Incacha told Blair, "and Enqueri will protect you when you venture into the darkness again. Do not come here on your own."

Resigned, Blair stared at the earth beneath his feet. It had saved him only moments ago. He understood the warning and realized that Incacha's mind was made up. The Chopec would leave.

"And you, Enqueri. A Sentinel must protect his Shaman. It's your duty."

"I understand," Jim said reverently. "I won't fail him again."

Pleased, Incacha nodded his head. The bond between them was forged and strong. He could no longer protect them. "You'll find your way," he promised them.

Jim averted his eyes as the white light flashed in front of him, but noticed that Blair stared right into it. He wanted to warn his lover, not wanting him to go temporary blind, but Blair only blinked his eyes and then looked at him.

"I'm scared, Jim."

The words tore at his heart. It wasn't like Blair to admit he was frightened, but everything had changed after the fountain. "We'll do this together," he promised. "Can you get us out of here?"

"Yes," Blair confirmed. "I only need to wake up."

///

A moment later both men sat upright in bed, holding hands and panting slightly from the intense experience. Jim spoke first. "You've got to be more careful, Chief."

"I know…" Blair released a strangled sigh and shivered violently. "I just never expected that attack."

Jim hated seeing the tremors that shook his lover's body and he pulled him close, warming Blair with his own body. Then he lay his lover down and covered them with the comforter. Facing Blair he spoke softly. "You got any idea who's after you?"

"I only saw a tail and big yellow eyes." Blair calmed down, softly caressing Jim's chest. He even grinned as his fingertips encountered an erect nipple. "It tried to knock me down. If the earth…" Suddenly enable to continue he buried himself deeper in Jim's arms. "If the earth hadn't opened…"

"Must be scary… having these Shaman powers all of a sudden," Jim summarized for his lover. "Promise me to try and get a hold on those trances."

"I'll try. I just never realized it was happening," Blair lifted his head. His left cheek stung ferociously. "Jim? Look at me?"

Jim elbowed himself into a sitting position, only reluctantly letting go of his lover. "Your face… The scratches are still there. How did you get them anyway?" Concerned, he leaned in closer. He'd seen shadows of claws on Blair's face while they had been on the spirit plane, but not as bad as these. "You're still bleeding."

"The claws hit me when I tried to duck," Blair explained and touched his cheek cautiously. This was a serious warning. "Looks like things from the spirit plane can injure us in real life too, Jim… I don't like this."

"I'll get something to clean that up." Jim slipped out of bed and quickly returned with the first aid kit. "If it hadn't been for your pet I…" Surprised, Jim looked about. "Incacha's spirit guide," and it still sat on the windowsill, watching his every move. "You got yourself another Blessed Protector," Jim pointed out to Blair.

"I can use all the help I can get." Blair sat upright in bed, resting his back against the headboard. "Do you really think Incacha is keeping an eye on me?" he asked, gesturing towards the quiet crow.

"I really do, Chief." Jim switched on the light, opened the first aid kit and took out what he needed. "Sit still, babe. This will sting, but we need to disinfect those scratches." As he gently tended to his lover's wounds he shook his head.

"What?" Blair bit his lip. His skin stung now that Jim cleaned it.

"How many times did you end up hurt since we're partners?" he said half in earnest, half jokingly. It worried him that Blair always walked away with injuries. //Not to mention he died as well!//

"I lost count," Blair replied as his body tensed. These scratches really burned! "But I'll never forgive you for laughing at me when that chopper took me to the hospital after we rescued Simon!"

Jim looked hurt. "Come on, Chief. It was the best way to get you out. If they'd taken you out by ambulance your leg would have throbbed all the way. There's no road up there!" He finished cleaning the scratches and put on some soothing balm. "You never forgave me?" he asked softly.

"Jim," Blair tried to smile reassuringly, but that smile turned into a grimace of pain. "I love you, but you can't deny you're a pain in the ass!"

Jim put the first aid kit onto the floor and cradled the man he loved in his arms. "There were too many times I could have lost you, Chief. We need to be more careful. The thought of losing you… I don't want to think about it."

Blair lifted his right hand and caressed his lover's face. "I'm not leaving you."

"You better keep that promise!" Jim's lips brushed his lover's, but pulled back, hearing the pained moan. "Those scratches really hurt, don't they?"

"They burn, man." Blair admitted. "And I'll keep my promise. I even came back from the dead for you, lover."

"Oh babe," Jim breathed touched. "Want to get some more sleep?"

"What's the time?"

"Seven in the morning. Simon told me I could come in late today. We don't have to get up. Later we can move your things back in." Jim moved Blair's body closer to his, allowing his right hand to move beneath the flannel shirt to caress his lover's skin. Steeling a glance down Blair's body he grinned. "Need help with that?"

Blair was just about to ask what he was supposed to need help with, when Jim's hand slipped passed the waistband of his boxers. Surrendering, he rested his head against Jim's chest, panting slightly at the unexpected touch. "Jim, I thought we were going to take… things… slow," he stuttered as agile fingers curled around his morning erection.

"This is taking things slow in my book," Jim quipped and uses hid other hand to remove his lover's boxers.

"Jim…" The name turned into a sigh as he closed his eyes and kicked off the comforter. Looking down Blair swallowed hard at the sight of Jim's hand stroking him. "This is slow?" he replied teasingly. He trembled as one of Jim's hands gently squeezed the full sac and he couldn't help but arch his back. "What about you?" he asked helplessly.

"Later… this is about you. Let me make you come, babe?" Jim leaned in closer to carefully claim his lover's lips, trying not to put any pressure on the scratches. "I want to make you come."

"Jim…" The sensation was exquisite and he whimpered as Jim increased the speed of his strokes, fisting his cock harder. "Jim, I'm about to…"

"Let go, Blair…" Jim stopped just long enough to breathe the words and then returned to explore that warm mouth. As Blair parted his teeth, he slipped inside, chasing his lover's tongue, roughly sucking its tip.

The stimulation was too much and Blair yelped as he came in Jim's hand, wildly pumping his hips in want. Jim had completely surprised him. "Jim?" Quavering, he relished the tremors that rocked his body. "Hardest I ever came," he whispered breathlessly.

Jim grinned smugly. "This will get even better, sweetheart," he whispered teasingly and ignored the muffled moan that left Blair's lips.

///

Head bowed, Blair quavered as droplets of warm water cascaded down his body. He still couldn't believe the things that had happened these last 24 hours. Jim certainly hadn't wasted any time in getting what he'd wanted!

"Me, he wants me." The words were spoken in a soft tone filled with disbelief. Before he'd known what had been happening he'd been in Jim's bed. Well, involuntarily going into a trance during the night had been a real bummer, but it had clearly illustrated how much Jim loved him! The Sentinel had followed him onto the spirit plane!

And then… only an hour ago Jim had brought him to orgasm.

He rested his forehead against the tiles of the wall. That hadn't been according to plan. //Man, we really have to talk.// But in his heart he feared that Jim wouldn’t like what he would hear. But stalling wouldn't work either. He had to come clean now, before Jim wanted to take the next step.

"And this is slow to him," he muttered beneath his breath, flashing a grin.

"Chief? Breakfast's ready," Jim announced, listening in as he stood in front of the bathroom door. It irritated him that he couldn't make out Blair's whispered words. "Everything fine, Blair? You didn't go into another trance, did you?" How could he ever explain to Blair how much those trances worried him? He wasn't a Guide. He didn't know how to pull a Shaman out of a trance!

//Maybe I need to learn that. Learn how to do that for him?// Jim concluded and determination set in. If Blair could pull him out of a zone-out he could do the same thing for his lover.

"Just give me another minute, Jim…" Blair muttered, knowing that Sentinel ears easily picked up on his voice. Nope, stalling was no longer an option. He had to talk things through. //Great.//

Jim moved back into the kitchen and started to serve up breakfast. Bagels, cream cheese, bacon and eggs, toast, coffee and orange juice. Damn, he was hungry! His gaze traveled to Blair and he cringed mentally seeing the still healing cuts on his lover's face. But they would heal and hopefully they wouldn't leave any scars.

"I'm afraid I used up all the warm water," Blair said apologetically.

"It's okay. Sit down and eat. You look like you need the food." Jim dug into his bagel and watched his lover. Pleased, he noticed that Blair wore one of his shirts. Good, now his shirt would smell of Blair later when he put it on. That shirt wasn't going into the laundry any soon!

Blair forced himself to swallow a sip of orange juice. "Jim?" he started hesitantly, knowing he might fuck up with his confession. His fear of losing his newfound lover almost kept him back, almost.

"Yeah?' Jim noticed Blair's reluctance to eat and his lover's heartbeat was much too fast. As his eyes tried to lock with Blair's, he smiled fondly at his lover, who tried to push his hair behind his ear. Suddenly, the braid and feather stood out even more and he wondered about the changes Blair was going through. //He came through for me and stood at my side, he still does. I can do the same for him!//

"Can we… talk?" Blair emptied his coffee mug and leaned back, not feeling very hungry. Maybe he could eat something later once this giant knot in his stomach had disappeared.

"Always," Jim assured him, growing even more worried now. "Is this about the attack last night?" he asked softly. //And how I failed to protect you? Again?//

"No, I can deal with that." Blair eventually locked eyes with him. "It's about last night and this morning…" he said uncomfortably. //Oh shit, yes, I'm going to screw up…// but there was no way back.

"Chief?" Jim didn't really understand what Blair was trying to say. "Care to give me more details?"

"About my… nervousness." Blair bit his lip. He so didn't want to do this.

Jim swallowed hard. "I noticed that… and wondered why."

Blair nodded his head once. "Remember that remark you once made about me even jumping a table leg?" Blair fumbled the cloth of the shirt and averted his eyes. He had no idea how well, or badly Jim was going to take this.

"Yeah, I remember," Jim replied hesitantly. //What the hell is this about?// He reached over the kitchen table to squeeze his lover's hand, but was stunned when Blair pulled back. "Blair?" he whispered with sudden dread. //On no, can't be…// Terrifying images swirled through his mind.

"Did someone hurt you in the past?" Jim asked eventually, screaming 'no' with every fibre of his body. No, not Blair! Sandburg wasn't the type to put up with abuse… but what if it had happened while Blair had been only a child? The blood in his veins froze. During his time in Vice he'd seen too many cases of child abuse.

Blair raised a puzzled eyebrow at the sight of the terror in Jim's eyes and suddenly realized he'd pulled back from his lover's touch. "No, Jim, don't draw the wrong conclusions! Don't think like a cop!" he said pleadingly, knowing instinctively what was going on in Jim's mind. "Listen to me. It's not that bad… at least I don't think so… I hope so, that is." Okay, so now he was babbling!

Immense relief swept through Jim as Blair gently claimed his hand. "You're getting too good at giving me these heart attacks, babe." He wasn't sure his voice sounded steady, but he couldn't help it. For one terrible moment the most horrible images had washed through him.

"Jim, no one hurt me in the past… though this is tied to my past…" Blair wondered why the hell he even bothered to explain. He should have stayed quiet instead. "Remember my question about that table leg?" he started anew.

"Yeah, I should probably never have said that." Jim got to his feet, pushed his chair into position next to Blair's and sat down again, cradling his lover's hands in his and was relieved when Blair didn't seem to have a problem with it. He could tell this was tough on Blair.

"I never jumped it…" Blair whispered and rolled his eyes seeing Jim's puzzled expression. "What I'm trying to say is that… you know… I never did the deed, never went all the way with the girls I dated." He'd said it and now he watched Jim closely for a reaction, hoping Jim wasn't disappointed.

Jim's eyes grew big and he awkwardly cleared his throat. "Are you telling me that…"

"An old fashioned virgin, Jim," Blair supplied for him. "Always wanted to wait for the right person to come along." Noticing the disbelief on Jim's face he felt he had to explain. "You know Naomi…"

"Yeah, I do… what has she got to do with this?" His mind was still dealing with Blair's latest confession. Somehow it seemed impossible that Blair had never had sex… the man had dated enough women! And he'd cracked enough jokes about Blair getting laid during the three years they had been roommates and Blair had never once corrected him. Suddenly, Blair's voice called him back.

"Naomi has a lot to do with my decision to wait." Blair wondered how to make Jim understand and feared he would fail. "She's never had a committed relationship in her life, always travelling around, meeting people. Yes, she dates and yes, she had lovers but… she never committed to them."

Jim understood…slowly. "Go on, Chief."

"I don't even know for certain who my father is… and I don't want to make the same mistakes she made." Blair rubbed his lover's fingers, trying hard to keep focused. "So I decided not to have sex until I was sure I had met the right person. I don't want to get a girl pregnant and then discover 20 years later I have a son or a daughter."

Jim shook his head. "You could have used protection, Blair."

"But that's not a 100% guarantee and you know it." But he was still stalling.

"Chief, what is this really about?" Jim moved closer, cradling Blair's hands on his lover's knees. Looking at it in retrospect Blair's explanation made a lot of sense, but he realized his lover was still keeping back.

"When you entered my life 3 years ago I knew you were the only one for me," and he smiled weakly. "But you weren't interested so I tried to date. I didn't want to force myself onto you. It was so obvious that you didn't like men…" Blair coughed, trying to get the lump out of his throat. "And then Maya came into my life."

//Maya.// Jim rubbed his brow. He had really been stupid! "And?"

"I wanted to love her. Let you off the hook so to speak. I cared for her… maybe even loved her in a certain way… but you know things never worked out."

"I can still see you cry, Blair," Jim mumbled absentmindedly. "Wish I had taken that step to pull you into my arms to comfort you. Who knows what might have happened," he apologized.

"Nothing. You weren't ready for the truth, man," Blair lectured him.

"But I'm ready now." Looking Blair in the eyes he saw unshed tears.

"I want to commit to you, Jim, but I don’t know how to do that. This is uncharted territory for me." Blair lowered his eyes and concentrated on their twined fingers. "You've been my life for three years and I was your… shadow, working in the background. The only thing that matters to me is your happiness."

"Blair…" Jim reacted on impulse and pulled his lover into his arms. "I'm so sorry for taking you for granted."

"No, that's okay." Blair rested his head against his lover's chest. "My life belongs to you. It already did these last 3 years. You're my life and I don't regret a minute of it."

Jim fought his own tears hearing this shattering admission. How could he have been so fucking blind? And all this time Blair had been hurting! "I'll do anything to make you happy, Blair," he promised passionately. He felt the smile against his chest and pulled back to look at Blair's face. "So that's why you want to take things slow and I… Geez, I'm so stupid!"

"No, you're not," Blair raised a hand and caressed his lover's face. "I do want to make love with you, Jim… But I'm nervous and… this is new to me." His eyes pleaded for understanding. "I would never reject you."

But Jim determinedly shook his head. "You've always got the right to say no, Blair," he reminded his lover. "I must have freaked you out this morning," he realized suddenly, remembering Blair's hesitant reactions when he'd make his lover come.

Blair laughed warmly. "You didn't freak me out, Jim. That's impossible, but you might want to give me a warning when you make a move like that."

Jim marveled about this amazing man and realized the gift he'd been given. "We're going to make this special, babe."

"It already is, stud." He added the nickname to break the tension that had built between them and it worked. Jim's gentle laughter rolled over him.

"Stud… I like that one. And you set the pace, Chief," he decided. "And tell me to slow down when I got too fast."

"I will," Blair promised, "but maybe we could go back to kissing now?"

Jim didn't need further encouragement and claimed his lover's luscious lips.

///

"This is the last one," Blair informed his lover. The last box was in the truck and they were ready to move his stuff back in. He quickly thanked his fellow TA who'd agreed to store his stuff in the basement and then got into the truck with Jim. During the trip home he listened to soft music drifting through the car.

Jim concentrated on the traffic, but also peeked at his lover. He realized how badly he'd hurt Blair by kicking him out the way he had, but… "I couldn't talk about it, Chief."

"Huh?" Wondering what Jim was aiming at, Blair locked eyes with him.

"About shooting the wolf." Jim gripped the steering wheel harshly, almost trying to crush it. "I was afraid I was going to cause your death… and I did," he added after a moment's thought.

"Jim?" Blair waited until Jim's blue eyes met his. "We shouldn't do this. We should let the past rest, man."

"How can I?" Jim stated firmly. "I almost lost you, fuck no, I did lose you!"

"But you brought me back… Let it go, Jim." Blair squeezed his lover's knee. "Don't give Alex that much power."

"You're right, but…" Jim mentally prepared himself and said, "But I still remember the look on your face when you ran onto that beach and saw us kissing."

Annoyed, Blair tried again. "It wasn't your fault. It was a Sentinel thing you couldn't control."

"Maybe. I'm not that sure,"

Thankfully, they arrived at the loft and after parking the truck they carried the first boxes upstairs. Blair saw the weariness in his lover's eyes and realized he needed to act. "Put that box down," he ordered and pulled Jim with him onto the couch. "Sit and listen."

"Oh yes, mighty Sandburg," Jim quipped, trying to hide how miserable he felt.

"Look around, what do you see?" Blair gestured at the living room, the kitchen, and the bedroom…

"The loft," Jim replied puzzled.

"What I see is home. H.O.M.E."

"Thanks for spelling it out for me, Chief," Jim remarked, wondering where Blair was taking this. //I better not say that we entered the Sandburg zone… we have been in the Sandburg zone for three years…//

"I never had a real home," Blair admitted and tried to smile, but the scratches on his face still hurt. "You gave me a home when I moved in here…"

"You were only going to stay for one week," Jim remembered fondly. "I'm so glad you never moved out." A sting of guilt slashed through him. //No, I kicked you out instead! Shit, if this was home… // "I took that away from you."

"And you're giving it back to me now. Point is that we're moving on. You've got to let go of the past, Jim. You've got to let go of Alex, Sierra Verde. We got a second chance… we can't ruin that. Don't let Alex ruin it."

"My wise little Guide…" Jim said teasingly, completely understanding Blair. He had to stop dragging the past into the present.

Seeing that he'd got his point across Blair leaned back into the comfort of the couch. "Jim? You know what I want to do?"

"What, Darwin?" Jim sneaked a little closer, dying to brush his lover's lips.

"Go back to kissing on the couch…"

"We still need to get the rest of the boxes from the truck, put everything back in its rightful place..."

Disappointed, Blair cocked his head. "Later?"

"Later," Jim agreed. "We're going to do a lot of kissing on the couch later!"

///

"Where does this go?" Jim closely studied the tribal mask in his hand.

"The living room," Blair whispered after peeking out from his old room.

Jim looked up and gestured at the book Blair held in his hands. "Somehow it feels like we were destined to meet."

Blair nodded his head, stealing a glance at the picture inside the book, which he'd shown Jim a long time ago; the picture of a Sentinel. "Maybe it was." He shrugged his shoulder. "Considering everything that happened lately." Involuntarily his fingers moved into his hair to touch the braid. "I always dreamed this would happen."

"Discovering your Shaman powers?" Jim put the mask on the windowsill and walked over to his lover, enfolding him in a warm hug.

"Yes. Jim, about your visions…" he didn't finish the sentence, not wanting to sound… jealous.

"I haven't had any since we left Sierra Verde… only erotic dreams featuring you." Jim said and Blair blushed. Jim loved the sight. "You're so easy to embarrass," Jim stated fondly. "But at least I know now why you react like this."

Blair knew it was the wrong thing to say but couldn't stop the flow of words. "Do you have any doubts about… us?"

"No." Jim cupped the back of his lover's head in his hand and moved in for a kiss, a slow, sensual kiss.

Blair moaned at the touch of demanding lips on his. He leaned into the caress, wanting more, needing more.

Blair's tongue teased against his teeth, trying to get them to part and Jim allowed his lover entry, allowed Blair to take control of the kiss. He sensed Blair's surprise and grinned smugly. Engaging his lover's tongue in a duel Blair accepted the challenge. Blair's moan was the most exquisite sound he'd ever heard and he was hard within seconds, his erection straining against its confines.

Suckling Jim's tongue Blair tried to let go, to tell himself that this was it. Jim loved him and he wanted to make his lover happy, even if he wasn't sure he was ready to take this next step… but he had to.

Blair pushed hard and Jim dropped onto the couch, pulling his love with him. Jim moaned deliriously as Blair straddled his hips, deepening the kiss. "Babe…" Jim whispered into his lover's mouth. "Keep this up and I'm going to come in my pants." Blair's reaction was to pull back, looking deeply into his eyes and Jim knew something had happened. "What's wrong, Chief?"

"Can't believe I'm making you feel like this," Blair admitted, feeling his lover's cock pressed against his ass. "I never thought…"

Jim silenced him by pressing another kiss onto his lips. "I want you, Blair… always wanted you."

Blair laughed shyly. "Want me to make you come?" His breathing quickened at Jim's nod.

"Please." Jim lifted a hand to touch the curls, twining them around his fingers, playing with them. "But only when you're comfortable with this, babe."

"I'm not ready to go all the way yet if that's what you're talking about, but I want to touch you. Can I?"

"You don't have to ask, Blair." Jim quivered with delight as his lover's hand slipped underneath his shirt. He briefly closed his eyes, dialing up his sense of touch as Blair rolled one nipple between his fingers. "Blair…"

Relieved that he was doing something right, Blair unbuttoned his lover's shirt and it revealed a well-defined chest and washboard abdomen. "What did I do to deserve you?" he whispered absentmindedly, pinching one hard nipple. Jim arched underneath him and Blair leaned in closer, experimentally running his tongue over the hard nub of flesh.

"Chief…" Jim's eyes flashed open, realizing he was about to zone on the mere sensation of Blair's tongue licking his flesh. He dialed it down and whispered, "Do that again?"

Blair wickedly licked his lips and saluted him. "Yes, sir!" he quipped and let his instincts guide him. He pressed his lips against Jim's collarbone, licking, teasing and then moved towards the one nipple he'd neglected so far. As he closed his lips over it, he sucked gently and Jim immediately responded by grinding his groin against his ass.

"I'm starting to enjoy this," Blair whispered mischievously and ran his hands all over Jim's chest, teasing the sensitive skin with his fingernails. His only worry was that Jim might zone on him and… he didn't want to ruin this. "Are you dialing it down?"

"Don't worry about that, sweetheart…" Locking eyes with Blair he pulled his lover close enough to claim his lips, aggressively invading that warm mouth and exploring every inch of it.

Blair saw the need in his lover's eyes and slipped one hand down to unzip Jim's trousers. Suddenly feeling shy, he halted, but then pushed passed the waistband of the boxers. He hissed as his fingers closed around hard and slippery flesh. Pushing down the trousers he freed his lover's erection and set a slow rhythm stroking his lover's cock. Part of his mind registered that he held Jim's weeping cock in his hand and he couldn't help but be surprised at the measure of control he'd been given.

Jim arched his back, bucking against Blair's hand. "Faster…" he whispered softly, clutching Blair's head between his hands, trying to devour his lover's mouth.

Blair increased the speed, now roughly fisting Jim. He didn't even get the chance to tell Jim that he wanted this to last. Jim's tongue traced the inside of his mouth. He felt on fire as Jim's pre-ejaculate heavily dripped from the tip of his cock.

Jim didn't give his lover the chance to speak, forcing Blair to breathe with him and pushed against the hand that was bringing him closer to his climax. Damn, Blair was good at this! His body tensed as he reached orgasm, but he didn't release his lover's lips yet and moaned into Blair's mouth as his orgasm overwhelmed him.

Fighting for breath Blair tried to match his lover's passion and pushed him back into the comfort of the couch, sucking Jim's tongue hard. Suddenly, his lover's hot come hit his hand and he loved the way Jim's body twitched underneath him.

Jim finally broke the kiss, panting and staring into wicked blue eyes. "Fuck," he mumbled spent. "You're going to kill this old man!" Ignoring the stickiness dripping from his stomach he brought Blair in for another kiss. "I love you."

"Love you more," Blair teased softly.

"That's impossible."

"Let me clean you up."

Reluctantly, Jim let go of his lover and as Blair walked into the bathroom, he released a sigh. //Kid's a natural… those hands… those lips… that tongue!// He opened tired eyes as a damp washcloth touched his stomach. Only now he noticed Blair's smug grin and his dilated pupils and realized he was in for a very exhausting ride!

///

"Are you going in today? Simon might want to talk to you?" Blair inquired after changing his clothes. He was growing cold and had changed into a warm woollen sweater. A wicked thought washed through him and he couldn't resist making the pun. "Want me to 'come' along?"

Resigned, Jim shook his head. "Chief…" he whispered affectionately. "Come along. I love your company."

Delighted with Jim's teasing answer Blair hurried over to the door and opened it. "Age before beauty," he continued the teasing. This time Jim grumbled something intelligible. About to close the door, he was suddenly startled as Blackie settled down on his shoulder. Should he try to talk the bird out of joining them? Nay, he didn't stand a chance.

Jim climbed behind the wheel and arched an eyebrow at the sight of Blackie. "We've got company, Chief?"

"Yeah." Blair buckled up and shrugged his shoulders. "You know he's stubborn."

"Maybe there's a reason why he wants to tag along?" Jim wondered aloud, but he didn't get an answer.

///

Luckily, Blackie flew off the moment they left the parking lot, but that didn't reassure Jim. He was determined to stay close to his lover. They quickly made their way up to Major Crime and Jim distinctly heard the relieved sighs all around at him at the sight of his partner.

Joel was the first to walk up to them and he gently slapped Blair's back. "It's good to have you back, Sandburg."

"Thanks," Blair whispered softly and peeked at the others. Rafe waved happily at him and Brown grinned broadly. He'd scared the hell out of them when they'd found him in the fountain and felt guilty for doing so. "I'm just fine, guys," he reassured them and took his seat behind Jim's desk to go through the piled paperwork.

Jim leaned against the wall, watching his lover. Did Blair even realize how much these people cared about him? Somehow, he doubted it. He caught sight of Megan who strolled over to Blair. Jim clearly remembered the shocked, 'Sandy', which she'd whispered at the fountain.

"Hello Sandy," Megan greeted him and sat on the desk, waiting for him to look up. "Feeling better?" No matter how many years would pass by, she would never forget the moment Blair had come back to them. She had given up all hope and suddenly Blair had coughed up water, had breathed again. Deep down in her heart she knew it was a miracle he was still here. A miracle of love… Jim's love.

During their trip to Sierra Verde she had been worried for Blair. Maybe she shouldn't have agreed to let him tag along, but she'd feared that Blair would have found a way to get to Jim anyway. At least by keeping him close she had been able to watch him and she hadn't liked what she had seen. Hurt and pain, when Blair had realized that Jim was out of reach. But things looked okay now.

The smile on Blair's face warmed her heart and as she looked up at Jim, she saw a similar expression. Adding the fact that Simon had told her that Blair had moved back to the loft she reached the only logical conclusion; Blair and Jim had finally told each other the truth. She'd never doubted that the feelings were mutual

To be completely honest… if it hadn't been for Jim she might have made a move on Blair herself. But the bond between the two men had been visible from the start. It had hurt to see them drift apart because of Alex Barnes.

"Never felt better," Blair said and gave her a warm smile. "Everything worked out," he added, knowing she would understand.

Megan gently took hold of his hand and squeezed it. "You also told him about your visions? You promised." She didn't care that Jim heard every word she spoke.

"I told him, Megan." Blair squeezed back, his eyes thanking her for her support.

Satisfied, Megan got to her feet and strode over to Jim. "You better treat him right, mate," she warned him and with a grin she returned to her desk.

Amused, Jim nodded his head. "I will, Conner."

"SANDBURG! ELLISON! My office! NOW!"

"Simon bellowed." Jim straightened his back and walked over to his lover. "We shouldn't keep him waiting… judging from the tone of his voice…" Blair's smile surprised him. "What?"

Blair only shook his head. These last few days had shown him a side to Simon Banks he'd never known existed and with it had come a feeling of trust, of acceptance. He now knew that no matter how hard Simon yelled his name or glared at him that the captain secretly had a weak spot for him. At least he hoped so.

Praying that he wasn't wrong he followed Jim into the captain's office. Simon was behind his desk, smoking a cigar and sipping from his coffee. As Jim closed the door, he studied the captain, trying to read Simon's expression… and failed. Simon Banks had one hell of a poker face!

Simon leaned back and glared at the two men in front of him, detective and observer and so much more! "I take it you already started on the paperwork, Jim?"

"I was about to…" Blair interjected, but Simon's expression shut him up.

"Or would you like the weekend off, detective?" he addressed Jim again, clearly reading the frustration on Blair's face at being ignored.

"I would like that, sir… got a lot to do at the loft... we'll be busy all weekend." Jim realized the game Simon was playing and played along. "I still need to move Blair's stuff to the upstairs bedroom and there's the matter of all the artefacts he dragged into the loft."

Blair looked first at Jim and then focused on Simon, wishing he knew what was going on.

"New hairstyle, Sandburg?" Simon noticed the braid and feather and wondered what it was about. "And are you still chanting in your sleep?"

This time Blair moved forward until he stood in front of the desk. "Chanting?"

"Yeah, really worried me. The first night you spent at my place it woke me."

"Trust me, Simon," Jim interrupted, "You don't want to go there."

"As your captain I need to know everything," Simon reminded them. "Spill it, son," he said and looked into Blair's eyes. "What's happening to you?" The change was in the eyes, in the way Sandburg moved… The kid was a mystery, but still possessed that unearthly innocence that made him so special and Simon needed to see it, needed to know it was still there after the fiasco in Sierra Verde. He still marveled at the way Blair had touched so many lives here at Major Crime. Sometimes he wondered if they would still all be alive if Blair hadn't entered their lives…

"I'm just having some dreams. Nothing to worry about," Blair stuttered, feeling shy at Simon's obvious concern. "I still need to return your key to you," and he put the key on the desk. "Thanks for letting me stay."

Simon took another sip of his coffee and nodded approvingly. "You're always welcome, son."

Blair's brow grew knitted. Wasn't this the second time that Simon had called him son? He couldn't remember hearing the captain say that before.

Jim read the confusion on his lover's face, having heard it as well. He'd always suspected Simon cared more about Blair than the captain wanted them to know. And that was good. Blair needed friends and maybe even someone who was willing to give some parental guidance. God knew Naomi was never around!

And suddenly Jim realized that he blamed Naomi for the lack of trust Blair had in his friends. Hell, his lover had admitted to never having had a committed relationship. Technically, one could state that Naomi had never tried to build such a relationship with her son. //We're going to discuss this, Blair. You need to see that not everyone's going to leave you.//

Blair had told him bits and pieces of his life when he had been a kid and slowly Jim had realized how deeply moving about had affected his lover. It urged him to take a step closer to Blair and to rest his hand on the small of his lover's back. Blair looked over his shoulder, obviously surprised. Had Blair assumed Jim would hide their relationship? Deny their love? Maybe. Jim added it to the list of things they needed to discuss.

"There's something else."

Simon's voice pulled the two men back into the present and Blair waited patiently for Simon to continue.

"You left these at my place," and Simon produced a stack of pictures.

"I couldn't find them," Blair admitted, looking at childhood pictures, Naomi was missing, travelling without him.

"You were a cute kid," Simon commented, staring at the picture on top of the pile, showing a ten-year-old bundle of energy with naughty eyes and wild curls. "I looked through them," Simon admitted and hesitated.

Blair read the question in Simon's eyes, but didn't pretend to understand the captain's reasons. Slowly, he took hold of the picture on top and shoved it over the desk towards Simon. "That's what you want to ask me, isn't it?"

"God, yes it is!" Simon looked at Jim for clarification.

"Don't ask me how he does it. Sometimes I think he can read thoughts." Jim shrugged his shoulders. "I gave up."

"But why?" Blair needed the answer, fearing it as well as craving it. Why would Simon ask him for a picture? When he stared at that photo he only saw a geek none of Naomi's boyfriends had wanted to put up with.

Simon saw it all in Blair's eyes and knew what he needed to do. He owed the kid for all he'd been through with Major Crime. "I want to get it framed and put it up with the other family pictures on my wall."

"Oh," was all Blair managed and turned to Jim. "Can we go now?"

"Getting cold feet now that the mighty captain Banks pronounced you part of the family, huh?" Jim stated it jokingly, but then saw the hurt in his lover's eyes. The truth still had to kick in and it would, once they were at home and Blair had had time to think this over. "He likes you," he whispered, words only meant for Blair's ears. "Let him."

Blair was at a loss. "Want to type up some reports before we go home?" Home, the word made him feel weak inside. He finally had a home.

"We can do that Monday." Jim opened the door to let Blair pass and looked over his shoulder at Simon. They exchanged a glance filled with understanding and Jim followed his lover back to his desk.

"Jim? What's this?" Puzzled, Blair stared at the red envelope on Jim's desk.

"Did anyone see who delivered it?" Jims asked the other detectives, but they slowly shook their heads, having been too caught up in their own work. He wanted to tell Blair not to open it, but his lover already pulled out a piece of paper.

Startled, Blair dropped it onto the desk as if it had burned his fingers and backed away. The moment he'd touched that note a terrifying cold had gripped his heart.

"What is it?" Concerned, Taggart and Megan headed over to the desk.

"This is…" Blair's face contorted, reading the message.

It only took Jim a heartbeat to join Blair. He didn't touch the note, but read the message aloud. "You're going to die." Alarmed, Jim protectively pulled Blair behind him, sensing that this had upset his lover.

Blair's hissed remark chilled him to the bone. "That's blood, Jim."

"I know that," Jim agreed. "Major Crime received threats before." Looking at Blair he asked, "What's different this time?"

"It's written in blood. He killed this girl and used her blood to write this message…"

Blair's certainty briefly took him aback and he ignored the concerned stares Taggart and Brown gave Blair. Megan was already on her way to inform Simon. "How do you know that, Chief? Maybe he used his own blood?"

Determinedly, Blair shook his head. "I felt it when I touched the paper, Jim. She's dead and the killer... He's after you, Jim."

Jim didn't get a chance to try to reason with Blair because Simon suddenly appeared. Jim could tell from looking at the captain's face that something was wrong.

"People," Simon announced in a terribly calm tone, "we've got a situation. A patrol car just found the dead body of a young girl, her throat slashed."

///

"Jim? Anything?" Simon didn't like this one bit and had decided to visit the crime scene himself. They'd found the girl's body at a run down part of the city, hidden in a dumpster in a dark alley.

Jim handed his captain a single black hair, already bagged for further investigation. "It's not the girl's and I smell something… I smell tobacco on her… like the cigars you usually smoke. I doubt she smoked them herself. Might be a clue to who the perpetrator is."

Simon nodded his head. "We'll run a DNA test on the hair. Hopefully, it'll give us more information to who this did." Simon's eyes shone with compassion as he looked at the murdered girl, who couldn't be much older than Daryl. "I hate cases like these, but it makes me all the more determined to catch the monster that did this." He walked towards his car, eager to let Forensics do the rest.

Jim agreed with his captain. The girl had still had a whole life ahead of her and some psychopath had slashed her throat. Although he recoiled at the horror of this crime the detective managed to stay rational and think logical. Was this the same blood as on the note they'd received? Maybe Blair… Blair! Damn he'd forgotten about Blair while concentrating on his senses, on finding evidence!

He quickly jumped to his feet, eyes already scanning his surroundings. "Blair," he whispered compassionately at the sight of his lover's paleness. Blair had already seen too many dead bodies in the three years that he'd been riding along.

"How can anyone do this?" Blair looked at him pleadingly. "I don't understand it. She was so young!" He collapsed against the wall. "Why?"

"Psychopaths don't think like we do, Chief," he offered sincerely. "You should know that. Remember Lash? Kincaid?"

Blair shivered at the mention of those names. "Yeah, but… she was defenceless! What could she have done to…?" His voice trailed off. A pool of blood had formed underneath her body and her dead eyes stared blindly at the sky. "Jim, can we leave this place?" His breath came in spurts and he sighed hearing Blackie caw. When had the crow returned?

"We're done here, buddy. Let's go." He understood how Blair felt; he'd experienced the same sadness as his eyes had searched the corpse for clues. "Let's go back to the precinct."

"Jim?"

Blair took one step, but Jim was confused when the younger man moved closer to the body instead of away from it. "Blair?"

Blair fell onto his knees, bowing his head. He didn't know what was happening, all he knew was that he had to do this. Jim's voice no longer penetrated his mind and his eyes closed, feeling an echo of the girl's life, which still lingered, reluctant to leave. "So young," he whispered. "She was in love for the first time in her life… Her name was Mary… Mary Blackstone…"

Jim quickly sat on his heels; ignoring the stares the rest of the cops gave them. "Chief, don't go into a trance. Not now," he pleaded and yet he memorized each bit of information Blair was giving him, never doubting its authenticity. He was relieved when Blair's blue eyes met his. Not a trance?

"The man who did this… she didn't know him. He pulled her into this alley…" Blair cocked his head and Blackie stared back at him. "He used her blood to write that message. She was nothing to him. He did this to get his message across and he's coming for you, Jim."

"Chief, you're scaring me," Jim admitted as his skin turned into goose flesh. Blair's voice sounded different, old. "Can you tell me who did this?"

"She didn't know him… All I see is a tall man… and he's wearing a ski mask. She never saw his face… shit…" he doubled over, wrapping his arms around his waist. "What did I say? What am I doing here…?" Suddenly, he realized how close her dead body was and frantically he stumbled to his feet.

Jim offered him all the support he needed and guided him back to the truck. "Stay here, Blair. Don't leave the car…" and then remembered the explosion in the bank. He'd vowed to never again order Blair to stay put. "Or come along. I'll be back in a moment."

Blair nodded his head, taking slow deep breaths to steady himself. After Jim left his side he tried to remember what had happened. Last thing he remembered was asking Jim to leave this godforsaken place and the next thing he knew was that he was down on his knees next to the corpse. That was definitely not good. Had he blacked out? What if Jim had zoned, had needed him and he hadn't mentally been 'there'? No, not good all.

He watched Jim talk with a uniformed officer. Right now he would sell his soul to have Sentinel hearing, just to know what they were discussing, but it didn't work that way. The cop wrote something down in his notebook, nodded his head and Blair felt relieved when Jim started for the truck.

Jim opened the door and slid behind the wheel. He'd told them to check on a Mary Blackstone, convinced Blair had picked something up earlier. "Are you okay, Blair?" he inquired passionately, disliking the haunted expression in the blue eyes.

"No, I'm not…" Blair admitted within a heartbeat. "I hope they'll catch the monster that did this."

Jim started the engine and drove back to the precinct. "Do you really think it's her blood on the note?" He'd noticed the puzzled stares Brown, Rafe, Taggart and even Simon had given Blair. They had succeeded in keeping Jim's Sentinel abilities a secret for these passed three years, but Blair couldn't hide his new abilities that well. They might have to confide in their friends. Simon had probably figured things out and Megan… Yeah, Megan probably knew too, but the others?

"What happened to me, Jim?" Blair fidgeted with his coat. "Last thing I remember is heading for the truck."

"Guess you went into another trance…" Jim concluded. "You were coherent and you told me the girl's name."

"Oh," Blair sighed softly. "What else did I say?" Why didn't he remember?

"You told me that this guy is after me." Jim shut down the engine and sat quietly behind the wheel. They were back at the precinct and had to go back in there, hoping that Forensics had found clues to who'd committed this murder. "Tell me, Chief… what do I do?"

Blair licked his lips, feeling strangely clueless. "I don't know."

"I mean, what do I do when you go into a trance?" Jim clarified his question, turned in his seat and stared into Blair's eyes. "How do you pull me out of a zone out?"

"Can't explain really," Blair whispered lost. "I don't have a manual. I make things up as I go along."

Jim's respect and admiration for his lover grew. Blair had saved him from insanity three years ago and had been flying on instinct with this. "You're doing a great job, Blair."

"Thanks, man."

Jim claimed his lover's right hand and rubbed the knuckles. "Let's nail the son of a bitch who killed the girl?"

"Yes," Blair stated firmly. "We'll find him."

///

As they entered the bullpen the place was full of activity. Detectives tried to follow up on leads, talked to Forensics and searched the files for perps that were on the street again. It was obvious that this murder had touched them deeply.

The note was no longer on Jim's desk and as Blair dropped onto the chair, he tried to remember what he'd told Jim about the victim, but his mind was blank now.

"Hey, Sandy!" Megan walked over to them and dropped a file onto the desk. "Seems you were right. The girl's name is Mary Blackstone. She left home two hours ago to get some groceries. She was 16." Concerned, she watched as Blair picked up the file to read it. "How did you know?"

Jim considered taking her arm and escorting her back to her own desk, but Blair's expression told him to let her stay.

"I don't even remember telling Jim."

Surprised, Megan moved closer. "You know… I met an Aborigine once who had the same gift. He helped us track down a kidnapper. His visions were a great help."

"So that's why you accepted the psychic crap?" Blair smiled at her. It hadn't taken Megan long to find out the truth about his Sentinel. Passing Jim's abilities for psychic had only worked for a few weeks.

"Yes," she admitted. "Just don't let it mess with your head," she adviced softly and shot Jim a glance, telling him he should take his partner home.

Jim stood behind his lover and gently massaged the tense muscles. Blair bowed his head to give him better access and Jim smiled. He noticed the amused looks he was getting. No way they could have kept their love a secret! "We'll write the report and then go home."

Blair sighed his approval. "I'll type the report. Why don't you try to find out if they found a DNA match? That hair you found is our only clue so far."

Megan was amused to see Jim obey without giving it a second thought. As Jim headed over to Forensics, she leaned in closer and whispered, "You already got him trained."

Blair laughed. It was the first time the image of Mary's dead body was pushed into the back of his mind. "Don't tell him that."

Megan smiled warmly and returned to her desk.

Blair dropped the file onto the desk and rubbed his temples. A sense of danger was all around him and it was aimed at Jim. He had to stop this killer, but… how?

///

"You want dessert?" Jim worried about his lover. Blair had been quiet since they'd got home, mentally preoccupied with the murder. "Blair? Babe?" He sat on the arm of the couch, trying to catch Blair's eyes.

"No, no dessert," Blair whispered eventually. "Jim, come here," and he pulled his lover onto the couch next to him. Within seconds he snuggled up to him. "I can feel it."

"Feel what?"

"The danger… the threat."

"I already checked the lock and the windows. No one can get in here without me hearing it," Jim tried to reassure him. He folded his arms even tighter around Blair and asked, "You're scared?"

Blair considered the question. "For you, yes."

A lump formed in Jim's throat. Always for him. "Nothing bad is going to happen."

Blair cradled his lover's hand in his and pressed a kiss onto the back of Jim's hand, so much larger than his own. "We'll have to look out for each other," he said eventually. "I won't be much help when I go into a trance while the killer is threatening you."

"Hey, I'm your 'Blessed Protector', lover," Jim said determinedly, but couldn't help feeling equally worried. Blair needed cheering up and… "And you're my 'Blessed Protector'. You'll keep me safe." That remark had the desired effect. Blair questioningly looked up at him. "You saved my life first, Chief."

Blair searched his memory, but came up empty. "And that was when…?"

"The truck? After I visited you at Rainier and slammed you against the wall? You were annoying as hell!"

"I still am!" Blair maintained mischievously. "So I'm your 'Blessed Protector' now?"

"Blair, I never really said this, but you saved my life more times than I can count." Pleased, he noticed the stunned expression on Blair's face. //He never saw that one coming!//

"We always took care of each other," Blair admitted. "I was just so sacred that someone was going to kill you. Looking back I can't believe I did all those things to save your ass."

"But it's a fine ass!" Jim said jokingly.

"Wouldn't know," Blair played along. "Haven't seen it yet." He caught the wicked look in Jim's eyes and knew he was in trouble. "I never said that."

"Too late, Darwin!" Jim wondered where to take this. They needed to distance themselves from the case.

"And don't call me that! What is it with you and nicknames anyway? Darwin? Chief?" Blair loved the verbal bantering, needing it like the air he breathed.

"My little guppy," Jim added and caressed the curls that teased his skin.

"Don't say that!" Blair couldn't hide the smile.

"Okay, Junior."

"That's… low…" Blair breathed, choking back his laughter.

"Not as low as…" Jim paused to increase the tension, "Hiawatha. I still see you holding that spear, trying to kill off a poor fish!"

Blair smiled, remembering that fishing trip. He felt relaxed and safe; maybe safe enough to tell Jim some stuff he still had nightmares about? Looking up at Jim he knew this man would fight until his last breath to keep him safe.

Jim wondered about the sudden thoughtful look in his lover's eyes. "What's wrong, Blair?" and stopped teasing him.

"There are some things I don't want you to call me," Blair started in a soft tone, but he knew Jim's Sentinel hearing picked it up. "Bad memories, you see."

"Tell me, Chief." Jim understood and valued the trust Blair was giving him. Yes, Blair talked and talked, but rarely volunteered personal information. He'd used this technique himself to keep people at a distance, to stop them from finding out why he was hurting and knew it was a big step for Blair to confide in him.

Blair felt relieved, seeing true understanding in his lover's eyes. "Don't call me… Hairy Blairy, okay?" He shivered in Jim's arms as he revealed one of his fears. "I still have nightmares about that one."

"Lash," Jim whispered softly. "I heard him call you that when I was moving in." Again, this reminded him just how many times Blair's life had been in danger. "He was evil, Blair."

"He wanted to be me, Jim," Blair said softly, cuddling up to his lover. "Why would anyone want to be me?" he whispered inaudibly, hoping Jim's ears didn't catch it. Bad luck.

"You're one of the smartest people I know, Blair. Definitely the cutest and sexiest anthropologist I've ever met. You're a good person, Blair and I love you."

That admission silenced any questions Blair might still have. "Funny… I don't feel like that person you just described." Only after those words had left his lips he realized what he'd just confessed to Jim.

"Don't," Jim placed a finger on Blair's lips to silence him. He'd suspected for a long time that Blair suffered from low self-esteem, but hearing it was something completely different and he wondered about its origin. "I love you. I love you just the way you are, Blair. You're smart, witty and absolutely beautiful and I'll repeat it any time you need to hear it."

"Thanks, Kojack," and he teasingly ran his fingers through Jim's brush cut.

"Hey, I'm not bald yet!" Jim brushed his lover's lips. "Anything else?"

"Mr. Natural." Tremors ran through Blair's body.

"I've never heard that one," Jim muttered, searching his memory.

"Kincaid," Blair revealed and swallowed hard. He didn't really want to go there, but he'd opened the door…

Anger rose in Jim's throat and he managed to whisper, "I wish he had never gotten his hands on you. You had nightmares about him for a long time," he remembered.

"You listen to me sleep?" Blair realized surprised.

"It's hard not to listen." Jim pulled Blair closer until his lover straddled his hips, pulling the warm body against his, just holding Blair. "I need to know you're close, safe. You make me focus. It makes me feel in control of my senses."

"I never knew that." Blair couldn't hide his surprise.

"And you still have the occasional nightmare about Kincaid… what are they about?" He told himself to proceed with caution. Blair was opening up to him, but that didn't mean Blair would also share his fears.

Blair chose his words carefully. "He put a gun to my head, Jim."

"That happened before." Jim remained calm, cringing, wondering just how many times Blair had been threatened.

Blair realized he wasn't getting out of this one and said, "I saw this gleam in his eyes, Jim and it was only there when he looked at me."

Jim's heart missed a beat. "Why did he take you with him when he tried to get away with the chopper?"

"I don't want to know." Blair hid deeper in Jim's arms. "I don't want it to have a name."

"But you must face it if you want those nightmares to stop."

"I don’t have them that often anymore," he chided Jim, hating this particular subject.

"Blair?"

Blair cringed. Jim wasn't letting go. "It felt like he wanted me… you know… sexually." There, he'd finally admitted it and it felt surprisingly good to spit it out.

"Did Kincaid… touch you?" Jim held his breath.

"He tried to kiss me once," Blair said calmly. "But the chopper arrived and we had to move."

"God help me if I ever get my hands on Kincaid…" Jim hissed through clenched teeth.

Jim's reaction surprised Blair. "Jim, he didn't have the time to do anything."

"What if I had been too late to jump onto that chopper?" Suddenly, the impact of Blair's words fully hit him. "Blair…"

"Jim, it's okay. Look at me!" His hands clutched Jim's face, forcing his lover's eyes to meet his. "You're overreacting! Normally I'm the one who does that."

"This is about you, Blair. The man I love." Jim's voice softened. "Got any more skeletons in that closet, Chief?" He didn't want to make the mistake of using a nickname that could bring back bad memories.

"I should never have told you," he sighed, seeing the anger in Jim's blue eyes. He'd never wanted to upset his lover.

Jim gave him a stern look. "Just tell me."

"No, Jim, nothing else… But I liked it when you called me Sparky." He desperately wanted to do away with that anger and recapture the carefree bantering.

"Ah, the toaster," Jim remembered and laughed. "I like Darwin." He brought Blair in for another kiss, twining strands of long hair around his fingers.

"That's professor Darwin for you!" Blair teased him and parted his teeth, eager to feel more of Jim and he pressed his body against his lover's.

"More kissing on the couch?" Jim laughed warmly, happy to see that the earlier gloom in Blair's eyes was gone. "There's a Jags game on later. Want to watch?"

Blair gave in happily. "As long as we don't have to move away from the couch and continue to kiss." Every distraction was welcome as long as he didn't have to remember Mary's dead eyes.

///

After the game Jim called the precinct, eager to find out if the hair he'd found at the crime scene had provided them with more information.

Blair watched him from the couch. Although the loft was warm, he felt cold and shivered. The moment Jim put down the phone he asked, "And? Any news?"

Thoughtfully, Jim returned to the sofa and placed Blair's cold feet on his knees, rubbing them absentmindedly. "They're still going through the files. We can use the DNA to nail the perp if he's got a criminal record."

"What if he's never been booked?" Blair hoped the perp wasn't a stranger. "He's after you, Jim."

"But why? What's my connection to him?" Jim carefully massaged his lover's cold feet. "Why come after me? How do you know he's not after another detective in Major Crime?" He looked at Blair. "Maybe it was just coincidence that it ended up on my desk?"

"No, it wasn't. Believe me, he's after you."

"I made enough enemies being a cop, but… why kill an innocent girl?"

Blair sighed, savoring the fact that his feet finally felt warm. "Maybe from your time in Covert Ops?"

"You're not supposed to know about that," Jim reminded him teasingly. "But I'll be ready." He didn't plan on going to bed tonight without his gun.

Blair wasn't that sure. "This guy doesn't have a conscience. He kills because it's in his blood."

"Ever thought of becoming a Profiler?" Jim asked him in earnest. "You think that you know how this guy thinks?"

"I do… I felt… an echo of him when I held that note in my hands. Not something I ever want to feel again." Blair looked at Jim's hands, trying to forget that terrible cold he'd felt.

"Are you telling me that if I gave you back that note you'd be able to tell me more about this perp?" He didn't really like this idea, but they needed all the help they could get.

"I don't know," Blair avoided answering that question. "But I got the distinct impression that he knows you personally."

"We'll have to wait for that DNA match, Chief. We should get some sleep. Tomorrow will be a busy day. I'll have to go in early. Are you coming in with me?"

Blair hesitated. His classes didn't start until Monday and yes, he could go in with Jim, but…"Jim, we never talked about…"

"About what?"

"Do you want to hide our relationship? I would understand, you know. Can't be easy being labelled a gay cop."

"I wanted to talk to you about that," Jim ran his fingertips down Blair's ankle and heard the sharp intake of breath. He planned on discovering Blair's sensitive spots and it looked like he'd already found one. "I don't want to hide a thing. If people can't deal with it, it's their problem."

Blair could hardly believe those words. "You sure? I've grown used to being called a fag behind my back, but I don't want you to go through that too."

This was new to him and Jim immediately asked, "Who called you a fag?"

"Does it matter? Face it, Jim. The way I look people think I'm gay anyway. It's no big deal. It's their loss, but…"

Jim felt fiercely protective of his lover. "I better not hear anyone calling you that, or…"

Blair heard the unspoken threat. "Come here and kiss me, Jim."

Jim didn't waste any time and claimed Blair's lips.

///

Jim made one last tour to inspect the locks and windows. He had something very valuable to protect and no one would get close to Blair if he could help it. As he climbed the stairs to the upstairs bedroom he wondered about Blackie who hadn't returned yet. Had Incacha's spirit guide left them? He hoped not.

His breath caught as he walked into the bedroom. Blair was already in bed and even in the darkness he saw the soft expression in his lover's eyes. "Are you cold?" he asked thoughtfully, remembering how Blair had shivered last night.

"A little," Blair admitted, "Come and warm me, Jim." He fought hard to keep the nervousness out of his voice. Why couldn't he control it?

Jim had already registered the fast heartbeat and pulled a blanket from underneath the bed and covered the foot end of the bed with it. "Better?"

Blair smiled. "It'll be even better when you take me into your arms!" Blair whispered. //Mushy, Blair! Very mushy!//

Quickly, Jim removed his clothes, folding them neatly and placing them onto the chair. Blair's clothes were all over the floor, but he didn't bother to pick them up. Blair was cold and needed him. But there was one more thing they had to address. As he slipped beneath the covers he asked, "What if you go into a trance while you're asleep?" Blair immediately moved into his arms and the heartbeat grew steadier.

"You'll just have to follow me in like you did last night."

"This time Incacha won't be around," Jim warned him and held his breath as Blair turned onto his other side, allowing Jim to spoon behind him. His blood thundered in his veins as his groin connected with Blair's ass. He pulled his lover close to his chest and wasn't surprised when Blair fit perfectly in his arms.

"I know that. I'll be careful. Hold me?" Blair bit his lower lip, slightly embarrassed to feel Jim's erection pressed into his ass. "Jim? Do you ever… fantasize about our… first time together?" It had haunted him ever since Jim had confessed his love.

"Do you?" Jim whispered the words into his lover's ear. He deeply inhaled the lingering scent of shampoo, tasting Blair's real scent beneath it.

Blair laughed nervously. "I don't have that much experience, remember?"

Jim understood. "You want to know how it'll be like?" It was only normal Blair was worried, having no point of reference. "I'll tell you and then you'll go to sleep," he stated.

"I can live with that," Blair muttered in a shy tone. His body trembled, wondering what Jim wanted their first time to be like.

"First, we'll take a shower and I finally get to wash your hair."

Blair immediately interrupted him. "My hair?"

"I love your hair, don't you know that? It has so many shades of brown, gold and red… I like the way the wind moves through it… I love it when you wear it down… I always fantasized about running my fingers through these curls."

Blair couldn't believe he was really hearing this. "My hair? Do you know how many times I wanted to cut it?"

"Why?" Jim asked alarmed. It would be an eternal sin to cut that lovely hair and he buried his face in it, loving the way it teased his skin.

"What are you doing?" Blair wondered and suddenly realized Jim rubbed his face in it.

"Don't ever cut it, babe." Jim rested his head on the pillow, gently blowing into the locks. Blair shivered; good.

Secretly, Blair smiled. //He loves my hair?// He'd never suspected that, assuming Jim would prefer to have a partner with a brush cut. "Your fantasy?" he reminded his lover.

"Don't keep interrupting me, my little guppy," he added teasingly and Blair's body shook with laughter. "I love hearing you laugh. But, back to my fantasy. After washing your hair, I drop to my knees and run my tongue along your inner thighs, smelling your arousal, but not yet touching your cock." He hoped the words had hit bull's eye and judging from Blair's little yelp, they had. "That got you hard, Chief?"

Blair quavered and remained quiet. He wouldn't give Jim the satisfaction of knowing he was right.

"After exploring every inch of your body with my tongue and hands I lick the tip of your cock. I gently massage your balls and run a finger up your…"

"Don't say it!" Blair mumbled feverishly. "Just don't go there…"

Jim grinned. "I thought you wanted to hear my fantasy?" He tried hard to give his voice a sulking tone.

"You're only making things worse!" Damn, now he was hard! When would he learn to keep his mouth shut?

Jim decided to stop the teasing, vividly remembering Blair's confession earlier. //Take things slow! Don't scare him off!// he chided himself. To make up for his lack of finesse, he nuzzled Blair's neck, softly kissing the sensitive skin. His teeth scraped along Blair's collarbone and tremors rocked his lover's body. "Try to get some sleep, babe?"

Relieved and disappointed at the same time, Blair grabbed Jim's arm and pulled it to his chest, feeling safe in the embrace. "Maybe you can tell me the rest of that fantasy tomorrow?"

//He's trying, trying hard,// Jim realized, but he also felt relieved that Blair protected his personal boundaries, not saying yes just to please him. "You're safe, Blair. I'm at your side."

Blair closed his eyes and gave into sleep.

///

The first thing Blair noticed was that he wasn't in Jim's bed any longer. "I don't want to be here," he whispered annoyed. The dark jungle was silent and he wished Incacha were here to guide him. "How can he say that he taught me everything I need to know?" he raved privately. "I don’t know a thing!"

He grew silent again, not wanting to let a possible enemy know that he was here. //Jim, buddy, please…// He needed Jim, needed him to watch his back. //I'm not supposed to be here alone, Incacha said so!// But he was here and Jim was nowhere in sight. Thankfully, neither was the predator that had attacked him last night.

//Why am I here? I really need to find a way to control these trances.// Blair moved through the jungle, careful not to make any noise. //And where's your spirit guide when you need it?//

Unexpectedly, the clouds drifted apart and revealed a full moon. Blair stared at it in open admiration. He'd seldom seen something this pure, this…

A twig broke in two underneath his feet and he froze in his tracks. //Jim? I need you, man.// But did Jim hear him? Could he reach out to his lover while he was on the spirit plane? He didn't really have a choice.

After a while he entered a clearing and he sat down underneath a tree. A warm and gentle breeze caressed his skin and he almost let down his guard… //Don't do that! You know you're not safe here!// he chided himself.

He closed his eyes, still listening to sounds emanating from the jungle and tried to picture Jim in his bed, curled around him, holding him. "Jim, I need you. Please, listen to my voice, hear me. I need you!" His voice grew unsteady and he could only hope Jim had heard him. Looking about, he frantically searched for his lover, but he was still alone. "Jim… please!" he tried again.

A growl coming from behind him startled him and he quickly got to his feet. With his back against the tree he didn't stand a chance and he quickly moved away from it. He had to use the jungle to his advantage. Underneath his feet the earth trembled, reminding him that he wasn't alone.

"Underneath my feet?" Blair stared down his body. He was back in the loincloth and wearing body paint. Why did it surprise him? He should know better by now!

The growl sounded again, low and guttural and he recognized it from last night. A moment later, venomous yellow eyes stared at him from between the leaves. "Jim!" he cried out in fear, realizing that the predator stalked him, moving with him.

He couldn't take the risk of getting injured here! The scratches on his face still caused him discomfort. Slowly, he picked up a large branch to defend himself. He doubted it would do any good, but he couldn't go down without fighting.

The large cat jumped, leaving its hiding place and the branch dropped from his hands. He froze at the sight of the spotted jaguar. This couldn't be happening! Realizing he'd dropped the branch, he tried to duck, but suddenly a second jaguar appeared, standing defensively in front of him. The black jaguar's eyes simmered in the darkness and Blair sighed relieved, recognizing Jim's spirit guide, but would it help him?

Blair leaned heavily against a tree and watched the two cats circle each other. "Can't be happening…" he whispered lost and wiped away the tear that escaped his eyes. Alex shouldn't be here, couldn't be here!

The black jaguar studied his opponent, feeling distinctly confused. Then his eyes drifted back to the Shaman who'd called him. He felt torn and his eyes flashed from one to the other.

Blair finally found the courage to speak. "Jim? I know you can hear me. Please don't do this," he pleaded. "Don't leave me again."

The black jaguar's ears twitched and he looked at the Shaman, suddenly seeing Blair, seeing the truth.

With resigned eyes Blair witnessed how the black jaguar morphed into Jim. His lover was naked and he couldn't stop staring at the magnificently built man, but was Jim still his? Feeling alone and depressed, he stared at the spotted jaguar.

///

The expression in Blair's eyes almost broke Jim's heart. After all the talking they'd done, after showing his Guide how much he was loved, Blair still didn't believe him. Jim had really hoped he'd gotten through to his lover. //Looks like I need to prove it to him…// and could he blame Blair? Letting Alex influence him had almost devastated their relationship.

Jim's eyes drifted away from his lover and came to rest on the spotted jaguar. It growled madly at being denied. Alex… She was back and once again trying to kill the man he loved, but he would stop her. This time he wouldn't fail Blair.

"Jim? I know you can hear me. Please don't do this," Blair pleaded. "Don't leave me again."

Blair's whispered words pulled Jim from his musings. Leave him? How could he ever leave Blair? He needed to act and started towards Blair, never taking his eyes off the spotted jaguar that kept closing in on them. He felt her rage at being denied, at being stopped, but he wouldn't give in, never again!

"Blair? Chief? What's going on?" Finally, he reached Blair's side and quickly curled an arm around his lover's waist. "This is probably not the right time to tell you, but I love the jungle look."

Blair released the breath he had been holding. Jim had come to him, hadn't gone to the spotted jaguar. Jim's arm was folded around his body! A terrible burden fell from his shoulders and he managed a tiny chuckle at hearing Jim's remark. Briefly, he forgot the spotted jaguar and mumbled, "You don't look too bad yourself and yes… it's a fine ass."

Jim nodded and laughed, still keeping an eye on their enemy. Their bond was still strong and Blair had dealt successfully with his momentary relapse. The trust and love that bound them was back. "What's she doing here, Blair?"

"I have no idea…" Blair tried to find a satisfactory answer. "Alex's still alive… Maybe she regained control over her senses?" he offered.

"And then decides to kill you again? No fucking way!" Jim exploded and bared his teeth as the spotted jaguar stole closer. "You've got to wake up, Chief."

"I'm not sure I can," Blair admitted lost. "I don't even remember going into a trance…" Now that Jim's reassurance washed over him he regained his calm. "I never suspected it was her."

"I know that. It never crossed my mind either." Jim's first concern was for his lover and Incacha's words returned.

'The Sentinel protects the Shaman. It's his duty.'

Puzzled, he suddenly realized that the spotted jaguar was no longer moving. It sat quietly at a distance. "What's going on, Blair?"

Helplessly, Blair shrugged his shoulders, but now that the immediate threat was gone his instincts kicked in and he focused on the spotted jaguar. It almost seemed pliant now and he was tempted to get closer to it. He couldn't deny his need to understand, help or guide if necessary.

"It could be a trap," he warned Blair. "Don't trust her." He tightened his hold on Blair, unwilling to let him leave. "Stay here."

"No, Jim…" Blair cocked his head, staring into the yellow eyes. "She isn't dangerous right now."

"I can't believe you said that," Jim mumbled. "She killed you."

"Because I belong with you." Blair looked at his lover apologetically. "Don't you understand? A Sentinel needs a Guide, whether he wants one or not. I was the only one available and she thought she could trust me. When she realized that I was yours she had to try and eliminate me so she could have you instead. Sentinels aren't meant to be alone."

Blair winced seeing the lost look in Jim's eyes. "Don't ask me. I don’t know why I said that." It had felt like the right thing to say, had almost heard Incacha whisper it. "She still needs a Guide."

"But you're my Guide," Jim objected possessively and his muscles tensed as the spotted jaguar sneaked closer again, ears low, teeth bared. "She can't have you." Blair's brilliant smile took him aback.

"I know you love me. I know that now, but… I'm still a Guide. I can't desert her."

"She killed you!" It was beyond him how Blair could forgive her for that!

"She wouldn’t have had to kill if she had found her own Guide," Blair reminded Jim. "I really think I need to do this."

"Do what?" Jim's heart missed a beat.

"Talk to her."

Blair's determined tone surprised Jim. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Blair stated steadfast. "But I'll need you to watch my back, Jim."

"You've got it. Just be careful." When Blair sounded like this, the younger man's mind was made up. Arguing was useless. He would just do his duty, protect his Shaman and trust Blair's instincts.

They moved together, approaching the spotted jaguar, which suddenly grew rigid. Jim stayed one step behind his lover; ready to defend Blair the moment the spotted jaguar attacked. He didn't try to figure out what it meant that Alex's spirit guide was here. As far as he was concerned the spotted jaguar was a threat.

Nervously, Blair licked his lips and then kneeled in front of the feline. He tried hard to control his uncertainty, knowing how tense Jim was. "Do you want to tell me something?" he asked softly, hoping his instincts were correct. The jaguar didn't move and he reached out an unsteady hand, allowing the animal to take in his scent. Blair swayed on his knees as a familiar voice washed through him.

//Help me.//

Blair shivered recognizing Alex's voice. "How?" Right now, the threatening stance was gone and the jaguar's eyes danced with chaos.

//Show me the way.//

Confused, Blair tried to make sense of the request. "What way?"

Jim watched them, his heart beating an odd rhythm. Blair's voice sounded far away, distant, entranced and the jaguar was now crouched at his lover's feet. He felt the change in her and wondered how Blair had known what to do.

//Back home.//

This answer completely mystified Blair. "Where's home?"

//I don't know! Please come and help me! I need you!//

The pleading tone quickly convinced him to accept the request. Looking up at Jim he asked, "Do you know where they took her?" Jim's eyes glowed dangerously and Blair cringed inwardly. "Please trust me, Jim."

"I trust you," Jim clarified. "I just don't trust her."

"Do you know where they took her?" Stern determination colored his voice and Blair knew his lover would give in.

"Yes, I do."

Relieved, Blair addressed the spotted jaguar again. "We'll try to help you." The animal's reaction was to get to its feet and turn away from them. Blair watched it leave, running off into the jungle. "She's lost, Jim."

"Blair," Jim sat on his heels next to his lover. "I tried to help her in the temple. She couldn't control her senses. There's nothing you can do."

"No, Jim. There is nothing you can do."

Jim hardly recognized his lover any longer. Was this the same man who went to sleep in his arms at night? The nervous anthropologist whom Alex had killed? "Chief?" Suddenly, he saw the truth in his lover's eyes. Blair was changing, had been changing since he'd died. This was the Shaman speaking.

"I can't turn my back on her." Blair tried to explain as the adrenaline rush left him.

"She's part of the tribe," Jim realized, "And the Shaman leads the tribe." Blair's eyes sparkled at hearing that remark.

"Yeah, that's about it."

"Could you wake up now, Chief? This place gives me the creeps."

Blair nodded his head and leaned in closer for a kiss. "Yes, I can, lover."

///

Jim sat upright in bed, searching for his lover's blue eyes in the darkness. Blair looked tired, but relaxed. "Are you going to talk to her?"

"I'll try. I have to," Blair explained. "But I need you to come with me. We can't have any more misunderstandings when it comes to Alex."

Jim nodded his agreement. "We'll visit her Sunday. Tomorrow I need to follow up on the leads of the murder."

"Thanks, Jim," Blair pulled his lover down into his arms. "I'll try not to go into another trance tonight. Maybe Alex is the reason why I'm having them in the first place. I got this feeling she was trying to contact me, but didn't know how to do it."

Jim relaxed as his lover snuggled up to him. Blair's body fit perfectly in his arms. "We'll find out," he replied in the end, feeling drained. Within seconds Blair's steady breathing took him back to sleep.

///

Amused, Simon noticed the protective gleam in Jim's eyes. He continued to watch both men and wondered what would happen if someone even tried to walk up to Blair, who seemed to greedily absorb all this attention and love. Simon couldn't help but feel proud of the way the two men were handling the chances in their lives. Things couldn't be easy, but love would pull them through. Feeling melancholy, he looked at the picture of Daryl on his desk. He missed his son.

"Simon?" Jim knocked on the captain's door, surprised to see the mesmerized look on Simon's face.

"Tell Blair to join us and come inside." Simon took a sip of his coffee. It wasn't often that he had good news for his detective.

Jim and Blair entered the office and waited patiently for him to speak. "We found a match," Simon announced pleased and handed Jim the file. "The hair," he clarified.

Blair remained quiet, wondering why Jim was growing pale looking at the file. "You know him?" he asked, trying to keep the apprehension out of his voice.

"Yeah, I do," Jim confirmed, staring in disbelief at the picture attached to the file. He owed it to Blair to share this information and said, "His name is Jeff Wilkens. We served together in the military. I always had a bad feeling about him. Sometimes you can't help pulling the trigger, but he enjoyed it."

Simon nodded his head. He'd gathered that much from the file and his knowledge of Jim's history. "You might want to read what happened after you left, Jim."

With a sense of dread Jim read on. "During a medical examine the doctor diagnosed schizophrenia and paranoia. Jeff spent 6 years in a mental institution while his illness grew worse. He escaped 3 months ago."

"And now he's in Cascade," Blair sighed the words and then addressed Simon. "What about the blood?"

"It's the girl's blood on the note all right." Simon sat down behind his desk. "I want this man in custody, Jim. I want him off the streets. I don’t want to find another teenager whose throat has been slashed."

"I understand, but finding him won’t be easy. He was the best on the team." Jim put the file back on Simon's desk. "But I'll nail him."

"Good, now get back to work, gentlemen!" Simon dismissed them, wondering about the secretive tone in Jim's voice. His detective hadn't told him the whole truth.

///

Blair tried not to look too openly at his lover as Jim took the truck out of the garage. "Do you have any idea where we can find him?"

Jim nodded his head. "He knows how I think… We watched each other's back for two years."

Blair swallowed hard. "You guys were friends?"

"Yeah," Jim groaned, realizing Blair was on to him. It was better to come clean now. "We were lovers."

Blair was amazed at how much that hurt. "While you were in the military?"

"Yeah, but it only lasted a few weeks. I realized how crazy Jeff was and got out of the relationship." He peeked at Blair's face, knowing what was going through his lover's mind. "I only love you, Chief. You should know that by now."

"I do…" Blair sighed, "But it's unexpected. So where are we going?" He decided not to address the matter right now as he had too many things on his mind already. Facing Alex wouldn't be easy and now they had to deal with Wilkens as well.

"You're going back to the loft."

"Excuse me?" Blair came alive, gesturing wildly. "I'm not leaving you! I need to be with you when you face him!"

"Chief, don't argue now!" Jim gritted his teeth. "I can't take him on while worrying about you!"

"What if you need me?" Blair's voice was silent all of sudden, realizing that Jim no longer needed him to focus his senses.

"Blair, I love you, but please…" Jim already knew his lover's mind was set, but… "Jeff obviously did his homework, learning about my work and life. He won't hesitate to use you to get to me. I don’t want you injured. Not again!"

"Shut up, Jim. I'm coming along and if you drop me off at the loft I'll find you!"

//Oh shit. Blair trying to track me down will even be worse. I need to know him safe or to have him in sight!// Jim knew when he'd lost the game and mumbled, "Just be careful and stay close." He didn't even see Blair's smug grin.

///

"The docks?" Blair muttered surprised as Jim shut down the engine. "You think he's here?"

Jim got out of the car, concentrating on his sense of smell, trying to sniff Wilkens out and get a location on the man's whereabouts. "He's here."

Blair nodded his head and inhaled the cold air deeply. "I won’t get in your way."

"Sure you will."

Briefly, Blair grew angry, almost pointing out to Jim that he'd saved the Sentinel's ass (and yes, a fine ass) when he had been trapped in the bank! But he refrained from doing that. Jim needed to focus.

"I can smell him." Jim piggy backed his sense of hearing and smell and honed in on Jeff's location. "This is too easy, Blair. He knows we’re here." Jeff might not be talking, but the man's too rapid breathing gave away his excitement at their arrival. "I don’t like this."

"A trap?"

"No, he's alone all right. Stay here, Blair," Jim said pleadingly. "Let me go after him."

Blair couldn't deny Jim a thing. "Okay, I'll stay in the truck."

Relieved, Jim brushed Blair's lips. "I don’t want to lose you, babe."

Frustrated, Blair climbed back into the truck. "I can take care of myself, Jim," he stated annoyed.//But if that's the case why is it always Jim saving my ass?// How many times had Jim saved him?

Jim handed him the cell phone. "Call Simon and give him our location."

"Why do you want to do this on your own?" Blair closed his fingers over the cell phone. "You should wait for backup."

"I know this guy, Blair. If he sees the cops he'll run and disappear."

Reluctantly, Blair gave in and watched him walk away. Should he sneak out of the truck? Would Jim forgive him? Trying to make up his mind, the minutes passed in silence.

///

Cautiously, Jim made his way through the storage facilities, which were packed to the gunnels. He smelled Wilkens and heard the ominous click of his gun. "What do you want, Jeff?" he called out, choosing the direct approach.

Not getting an answer he advanced slowly, using Wilkens' breathing as his honing beacon. "Why did you kill the girl? She had nothing to do with me! I didn't even know her!"

"I needed the blood. A virgin's blood!" A mad giggle followed.

Jim's finger was curled around the trigger, ready to take aim and end this. "Jeff, you killed her! I'm here to arrest you!"

"Jimbo! You can't arrest your old fuckbuddy! Come on! You love my ass!"

Jim's face contorted. "I made a mistake. We were young and we didn't know any better!" He loathed the way Wilkens talked about their time together, suddenly realizing how much he'd changed since his years in the military. "Surrender, Jeff. In a few moments this place will be crowded with cops and they won't try to talk you out of this. They'll shoot."

"Sweet hell awaits the sinner!" Wilkens bellowed. "But I ain't going down alone! I'm taking you with me, Ellison!"

//Thank God, he doesn't seem to know about Blair.// Jim cocked his head and concentrated on the truck. Blair was pacing in front of it, still staying put. "Last chance, Jeff. I'll take you down if you don't give up."

"Come and try to take me down. I'll send you to hell first… or want me to bring your boytoy along for the ride? Hearing him scream will be a lot of fun."

//Shit, he knows!// Jim decided against playing along with Wilkens and sneaked up on him. At last, his eyes located his target and he cringed. Yes, Wilkens wore a ski mask, like Blair had said.

"Incoming!"

The sharp scream took him by surprise and stunned, he realized Wilkens had just thrown a grenade at him. "Damn!" he cursed and leaped for safety. Unfortunately, the explosion catapulted him into the water. The impact rendered him unconscious.

///

Blair froze hearing the explosion. "I'm not staying here when you need me, Jim," he muttered and started running. Simon had assured him that the squad cars would arrive in mere moments and the last thing he was worried about was his own safety.

He needed to get to Jim, to make sure his lover was okay. He dashed inside and pushed his body against the wall, trying hard not to present an easy target. His eyes searched the storage facility and caught sight of Jim's gun, which had dropped onto the floor during the explosion. Just as he wanted to run towards it, a man in a ski mask stepped out of the shadows.

//Wilkens,// he realized and looked about. He didn't have any means to defend himself and Jim's gun was too far away. Wilkens was picking it up anyway.

Suddenly, he started to struggle for breath. Fuck, he knew this feeling. He was drowning, his lungs begged for oxygen and it catapulted him back to the fountain where he'd drowned. Why did he feel like this? He wasn't even in the water!

//Jim!// he suddenly realized. //Jim's drowning! The explosion must have thrown him into the water!// Desperate to move forward he found he couldn't move. His body was frozen. //Come on, move!// Frustration got the better of him and finally he succeeded in putting one foot in front of the other.

Unexpectedly, police sirens cut the silence in two and Wilkens fled back into the shadows. Blair knew this might be his only chance to get to Jim and started running, no longer paying any attention to Wilkens.

As he reached the water, he froze in his tracks as a flashback overwhelmed him. Alex had knocked him unconscious before dragging him into the fountain and while he had been struggling to regain consciousness, she'd pushed his head under water. He'd fought her, tried to suck in just a single breath, but her gun had come down on his head again and his resistance had faded.

And now Jim was in the cold water, probably sinking fast.//When he comes back to the surface again it'll be too late. I have to jump after him… can I?// Terrified, he no longer heard the sirens or Simon bellowing orders. "I can't let him die!" and jumped into the icy cold water.

///

"What the hell's going on here?" Simon directed his men as they moved in to apprehend Wilkens, who shot wildly at the cops, but forgot to take cover again. It only took Simon a second to make his call as an officer went down and Wilkens didn't react to their warnings. "Take him out!" he ordered determinedly.

Wilkens never realized that he was an easy target and looked quite astounded as one bullet after another found a way into his body. He'd always thought that he was invisible and had never seen his delusions for what they truly were.

Simon nodded his head as the perp went down and ordered his men to move in. However, he had another mission. He had to find a stubborn detective and his observer!

///

Blair dove deeper, ignoring the thundering of his heart or the pressure building in his lungs. He could do this! He had to find Jim and bring him back to the surface! But the water was cold and his arms and legs started to grow heavy. What he was doing was insane, but none of the other cops could reach Jim in time!

The dark water made it hard for him to see Jim's form, but suddenly he caught the reflection of Jim's shield, hopefully still attached to his belt and he forced himself to speed up. His lungs were about to burst and he needed air, but couldn't return to the surface now. If he did, he would never find Jim again!

//I don't want it to end like this!// he thought upset as the need for oxygen became too great and his teeth parted. Swallowing water, he panicked. He couldn't fail Jim, had to save his Sentinel!

He knew what would follow next. Oxygen deprivation would cause him to lose consciousness, but he kept on fighting and followed Jim, even succeeding in grabbing his left foot.

Suddenly, he realized that something was wrong. He should have passed out by now. His eyes almost popped out of their sockets as he realized that he could breathe. An image flashed in front of him and baffled he recognized Incacha who gave him an encouraging look. The experience in the bank returned to him. He'd walked into the fire and had survived. Later on the spirit plane the earth had swallowed him.

Had Incacha told him that he had to befriend the four elements when he had been talking about those four spirits? Damn, he couldn't think about this now, not while Jim was still in danger!

Incacha's reflection vanished and he concentrated on his lover's still body. Moving his fingers up Jim's leg he grabbed onto his lover's waist and started to pull him close. Jim's eyes were closed and briefly he feared that his Sentinel was no longer breathing.

Acting on impulse he folded his arms around him and headed for the surface. Jim needed oxygen to survive and he did the only thing he could think of. He pressed his lips against Jim's, forced his lover's teeth apart and breathed into Jim's mouth, trying to supply the necessary oxygen. Repeating the process he realized that he was about to hit the surface and he quickly turned Jim onto his back.

His eyes immediately searched for Simon's face and he'd never felt more relieved to see the captain. "Simon…"

Simon reacted at once and managed to take hold of Blair's extended hand, pulling him into safety. With Brown's help he pulled Jim and Blair onto the landing stage. "Blair, what happened?"

Blair kneeled, slumped forwards and regulated his breathing. His eyes searched Jim's face. "Is he breathing?

"Yeah, he is," Brown reassured him and studied Blair with newly found respect. "You saved his life, Sandburg."

"Jim? Jim, can you hear me?" Simon called the medics and made way for them to do their job. "Blair, he's going to be all right," he reassured the shivering man. He grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around Blair.

Blair's eyes devoured every move the medics made and coughed to clear his lungs. An oxygen mask was slipped over Jim's mouth and nose. Blair kneeled, ignoring Simon and Brown who tried to reassure him. "Come on, Jim."

Jim's eyes suddenly flashed open and for a moment he felt completely disorientated. What the fuck had happened? And then he remembered finding Wilkens, the grenade and hitting the water. Everything had gone black and now medics hovered over him.

"Blair?" Jim managed in spite of the mask and shakily he reached for his lover's hand.

Blair collapsed, resting his head on Jim's chest. "You're going to be fine."

Alarmed at finding Blair wet and shaking, Jim's eyes met Simon's. The captain's stern expression confirmed his suspicions. "You jumped after me."

Blair managed to sit upright and smiled. "Couldn't let you drown."

"Sorry, guys, but we're taking him to the ER," one of the medics announced. "And you better come along too."

Blair nodded his head. No way he would leave Jim's side. "Try to rest, Jim. We can talk later."

Losing his battle Jim closed his eyes and gave into exhaustion.

///

Simon remained close to Blair after they arrived at the hospital. After a thorough exam Blair was released and given some dry clothes. However, there was still no news on Jim. "Stop pacing, kid!" Blair was driving him insane, refusing to sit down.

"I can't, Simon. I need to know how he's doing."

Simon rose from his chair and put his hands on Blair's shoulders, forcing Blair to look up at him. "Jim will be fine. He was breathing and conscious. He recognized you. Blair, calm down."

Blair couldn't really remember Simon ever using that tone to address him. It was Sandburg mostly or kid… but the captain had also called him son twice. Looking into those stern eyes he slowly calmed down.

"Good," Simon remarked softly and told Blair to sit down. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," Blair stated, but a sneezing fit undermined that statement. "Only a cold… I hope."

"You really went after him…" Simon said absentmindedly. "Not that I doubted you would," he added, seeing Blair's angry expression, "But I thought the water might scare you off… You drowned, remember?"

"Don't you think I panicked?" Blair pulled the blanket closer to his body. He finally started to feel warm, but the coldness of the water had permeated his bones. "I wasn't sure I could do it. I remembered how it felt, fighting for air and not getting any."

"But you pulled through and saved him."

"He's my life, Simon," Blair admitted. "If he'd died, I had died. I can't live without him."

Simon cleared his throat, cursing getting sentimental as well. "Do you want another blanket?"

"I want Jim!"

"Are you here for information on detective Ellison?" Doctor Trats asked and she studied the two men closely.

Simon nodded his head and steadied Blair as Sandburg struggled to his feet as well. "What's the news?"

"He'll probably suffer a cold, like our other patient here," and she smiled at Blair, having heard about this courageous young man who had gone after his partner. "I'm going to release Jim within in the hour. He has no respiratory problems and his lungs are clear. But I strongly advice rest. You can take him home."

"Thank you," Blair muttered and then searched the corridor. "Can I see him?"

"Sure, I'll walk you." The doctor showed them to the room and then left the three men.

"Chief," Jim felt immensely relieved that his lover seemed uninjured. "Come here." He no longer needed the oxygen mask and craved feeling Blair close. "Simon, did you get the bastard?"

"He's dead…" Simon supplied and amused, he leaned against the wall. He watched quietly as the two men twined their fingers and exchanged a gentle kiss. "You'll need someone to drive you home," he stated pleased. He had the perp and no one had died… this time.

///

"Jim, you want some…" -sneeze-, "hot tea too?" Blair rubbed his eyes and then reached for another Kleenex to blow his nose. Simon had left them an hour ago after making sure they had enough supplies to get through the weekend.

In the upstairs bedroom Jim punched his pillow into shape and sat upright. He'd fallen asleep again during their trip home and had only woken up a few minutes ago. To his delight he'd discovered that he was holding Blair in his arms, closely spooned behind his lover. "Yeah!" he replied and coughed. His throat felt like shit. This was a cold from hell!

Slowly, he got to his feet and added all the blankets he could find to the comforter on the bed. Blair had felt cold in his arms. He still couldn't believe what had happened. The ER doctor had told him that his partner had jumped after him, saving him from certain drowning and his heart thumped hard with love. He couldn't even begin to understand how hard it must have been on Blair to jump into the water.

"Here you go," Blair handed him the hot mug to warm his hands and then crawled into bed as well. "I hate," -sneeze-, "being sick."

"But you look so cute with that red nose!"

"Bastard!" Blair countered in a nasal tone and reached for another Kleenex. "This isn't how I imagined we would spend," -sneeze-, "the day." Jim raised his arm and Blair moved in closer, resting his head on his lover's shoulder. "Tea okay?"

"It's hot, so it's great." Jim breathed in deeply, inhaling Blair's scent. "Thank you."

"Uh huh?" Blair whispered after sipping from his tea. As the hot liquid moved through his throat he started to feel a little better. "My, this is cozy."

"Thank you for saving my life, Blair."

"Had to repay the favor," Blair quipped. "I'm your 'Blessed Protector', remember?"

"I mean it," Jim took away Blair's tea mug and put it onto the floor. "I want to hold you. To thank you."

Blair snuggled up to him, teasingly blowing over the hairs on Jim's arm. He clearly noticed his lover shiver and grinned. "I had to do it, Jim. I love you."

Jim manoeuvred them in to a sleeping position, pulling Blair down with him. Spooning behind his lover he tightly wrapped his arms around Blair. "Think you can sleep, Shaman of the Great City?"

Blair giggled, but a coughing fit quickly followed. His body didn't approve of the stunt he'd pulled today. "Oh yeah, Sentinel of the Great City."

"Go to sleep, Darwin." Jim affectionately massaged his lover's scalp, running fingers through still damp curls. "We'll feel better in the morning."

"Go to sleep, Kojack…" Blair mumbled, already dozing off, grinding his ass into his lover's groin and loving the feel of that hard body pressed into his.

///

"Feeling any better?" Blair inquired as Jim drowned another cup of the herbal tea, which he'd just prepared. A night of undisturbed sleep had greatly improved their condition and although they still suffered from a cold, they were able to move around and think coherently.

"Yeah, thanks, babe. That tea does wonders. Just don't tell me what weird stuff you put into it." Jim was still rather worried about his lover, who looked too pale and moved too slowly. He was used to Blair's buzzing energy and it took time to adjust to this much quieter man.

"You really think you're up to seeing Alex?" Jim didn't like his lover's plan to drive to the clinic today. "You know, her physician mentioned that she's rarely lucid. Most of the time she's sedated." He cringed, knowing very well the amount of pain sensory overload caused.

"I'm sure and yes, she'll recognize me."

"Blair…babe," Jim reached across the table and gathered his lover's clammy hands in his. "I don't think you're up to that trip yet."

"Let me be the judge of that, Jim." Blair pulled back his hand and curled it around his teacup. "I have to do this. You know that."

"All I saw was a spotted Jaguar that attacked you! Dammit, Blair! I don't want her to have another shot at killing you!" he revealed passionately. "Now that I have you, I'll never let go!"

Blair smiled hearing that statement. "I'm not going anywhere without you, Jim," he promised and then got up from his chair. "I'm going to hit the shower, get dressed and then we'll leave. Better get this over with." He hated having this argument, but he couldn't turn his back on her. "What if it had been you?" Blair tried again. "Suppose I was her Guide and you had lost your way. Wouldn't you want me to help you?"

"It's not working, Chief," Jim stated as he headed for the upstairs bedroom to get dressed. "I didn't kill you."

"You stubborn…" Blair didn't finish the remark. Jim wouldn’t understand. Their point of view was too different. Slowly, he went into the bathroom and started the shower. It would take them 3 hours to get to the clinic and he wasn't looking forward to spending all that time in the car while Jim was angry with him.

///

One hour later they were on their way to the clinic where Alex had been taken. Blair remembered the resigned tone of the doctor who was treating her. They'd only spoken briefly on the phone and the physician had mentioned that she didn't think Alex would ever recover.

"Blair? I'm sorry," Jim started softly. "But I still don't get it. How can you forgive her for killing you? How can you even consider helping her? Yeah, I know, she's part of the tribe, a Sentinel, but one who murdered you!"

"Jim," he sighed at a loss. Hopefully his lover would understand once Jim saw how much she needed the help. "I need to do this. I need to help her."

Jim fell silent, concentrating on the road. "Don't think I'll leave you alone with her. The doctor did say that she gets violent when she's lucid."

"It's the sensory overload. Unlike you, she never learned to deal with it," Blair pointed out to him in a fatigued tone. "She never had a Guide." Blair realized that they would spend the rest of the trip in silence, both of them trying to sort out their thoughts, emotions and reasons for making this trip.

///

"Mr. Sandburg? We talked on the phone."

Blair accepted the offered hand and shook it. "I'm Blair and this is my partner Jim Ellison." He studied Alex's physician, an elderly woman with black hair and blue, rather compassionate eyes. "And you must be Doctor Langston."

"Please call me Phyllis." She guided them through the corridors and gestured them to enter her office. "We should talk first."

Jim, who had been quiet so far, reluctantly remained standing behind Blair. His lover sat down and Jim rested a possessive hand on Blair's shoulder. He didn't want to admit that this upset him. He smelled Alex's scent, heard the beating of her too slow heart and felt like betraying Blair all over again.

"How is she?" Blair asked, quietly taking in the doctor's concerned expression.

"She's dying."

Blair locked eyes with Jim, pleading him to give this a chance.

Jim however, broke the stare and addressed Doctor Langston. "Dying?"

"Yes, her system is shutting down. Her organs are failing and she's drifting in and out of consciousness."

"You're sure?" Jim didn't really know what to think and eventually he gave in. "Can we see her?"

"Yes, but don't expect her to react and don't stay too long." She rose from her chair and opened the door. "I'll take you to her room."

Blair remained a few steps behind them, trying to center himself. Incacha once mentioned that his last trial would be the hardest. The most difficult thing he could imagine was stepping into Alex's room and being the Guide she needed.

///

Involuntarily, Jim halted in the doorway and that caused Blair to bump into him.

"Jim?" Blair managed to squirm in to the room and then looked from Sentinel to Sentinel. Alex's eyes were closed; her breathing was too slow and her form powerless. She'd grown small and brittle. He couldn't even imagine the way this had to affect Jim. "Why don't you wait outside, Jim?"

"No." Determinedly, Jim shook his head. "I'm not leaving you alone with her." She might look harmless, but appearances could deceive. No way he would risk his lover's life!

"You have 15 minutes," Langston told them, still wondering why these two men had requested to see her patient and then left them alone.

Blair didn't waste any time and moved closer to the bed. IV's were attached to her left hand and she was hooked up to several pieces of diagnostic equipment. Yes, Langston was right. He felt it. She was dying. Was that why she'd called him?

"Alex?" Apprehensively, Blair sat on the side of the bed, unwilling to touch her skin. "Can you hear me?"

"She can't," Jim answered instead. "Her senses… they're turned off."

"How do you know that?" Blair looked over his shoulder at his lover.

"I just do, Chief."

Blair realized that drastic measures were necessary. He hated taking hold of her hand, the hand that had forced his head under water and that had denied him much needed oxygen, but he bit back the pain and hurt. Her icy cold skin made him shiver.

Jim watched with concern. Coming here had been a mistake. He should have stopped this crazy idea the moment Blair had mentioned it! "Chief, let's go." When he didn't get an answer he took a step closer to his lover and captured the empty stare in Blair's eyes. "Damn, don't go into a trance, babe!" As he spoke the words, he knew it was too late. Briefly, he didn't know what to do. Blair's fingers were still tightly clasped around Alex's hand and pulling him away might not be the best thing to do. Jim protectively wrapped an arm around his lover; ready to follow Blair to the spirit plane the moment the younger man showed any signs of distress.

///

It was the first time ever he'd willingly gone into a trance and an adrenaline rush washed through Blair as his mind traveled to the spirit plane. He missed Jim's presence, but knew that he had to do this alone, much like Jim had gone to the temple on his own to face Alex. This was his last trial, the most important test.

Looking about he found himself in the jungle. It was night, but thankfully the full moon provided all the light he needed. He didn't have to look down his body to realize he was back to wearing body paint and loincloth.

"You came. You really came."

Blair resisted the urge to spin around, as Alex's voice startled him. Slowly and composed he finally faced her and forgot to breathe. She looked exactly like when she'd come to his office to end his life. A startling flashback made him tremble; realizing she could physically hurt him here as well. Maybe coming here alone had been a dumb thing to do. "What do you want, Alex?"

She walked towards him, moving predatorily and soundlessly. Her senses were back online and she heard the thundering of his heart. The realization that he was afraid would have thrilled her a few days ago, but… "I'm not here to hurt you."

"Could have fooled me," Blair choked out and stepped back as she continued to approach. "Don’t come any closer." He avoided looking her in the eyes, still remembering those hands keeping him down as he'd struggled for breath. "What do you want from me, Alex?" he repeated in a slightly firmer tone. He couldn't allow his fear to control him.

Alex halted in her tracks, suddenly realizing that he tried to maintain the distance between them. Finally, she opted for the truth. "I don't really know, Blair," she admitted and peeked at his clouded eyes. "But I need to talk to you before… I can die."

Blair cringed. "You know what's happening to you?"

"When I'm here," and she gestured at the jungle, "my senses tell me what's going on with my body. I know I'm dying," she stated calmly.

Blair felt a little more confident now that she stayed at a distance. "I'm sorry…"

"Sorry?" she interrupted him. "You? Why?" An apology was the last thing she expected to hear.

"I should have guided you… should have helped you control your senses… After all, I seem to be the only Guide around." Blair felt miserably, feeling like he'd failed her. Anger suddenly flared, reminding him that she'd killed him only a few days ago.

"I wish I had found you earlier," she admitted softly. She needed closure, needed to make peace before she could die. "I was honest when I told you that I didn't want to kill you, but… you chose Jim."

This certainly got Blair's attention and his eyes flashed. "Jim and I belong together. I wish you had found a Guide to stay with you, guide you. I could never have been that Guide."

Looking at him thoughtfully she took a step closer and felt encouraged, as he didn't back away from her. She'd kissed him once, just a little kiss on the cheek, but… "I know that now, but I had to try."

"You tried to kill Jim," he reminded her.

"Wanted him out of the way."

Blair was at a loss. "What the hell are you talking about? Start making sense!"

"I sensed that Jim was still alive when I arrived at Rainier. I didn't plan on killing you. I hoped that… that we could be together after Jim had died, but I was wrong. Jim survived and when I stepped into your office I saw that look in your eyes. I disgusted you, abusing my senses like that. You had made your choice and it hurt."

Blair leaned against the trunk of a tree as she stole closer. He so didn't want to hear this!

"At first, you were fascinated with me… a second Sentinel… don’t deny it," Alex whispered softly. "But I should have known better. I knew what was going on when you showed up with Jim tagging along to question me."

"Alex, this is insane! I don't believe you." Blair straightened his shoulders and stared into her eyes. "You wanted Jim, wanted to mate. It's a primal urge in all Sentinels."

Alex shrugged her shoulders, realizing he would never believe her. She had to step away from this subject now. "I need to find my way home."

"Where's home?" He'd asked that question before and he feared the answer. What if home was Cascade and Jim Ellison?

"The spirit plane… it keeps calling me, Blair… like it wants me to become a permanent part of it. Sometimes I change into a Jaguar and I run for hours."

He couldn't ignore the pleading expression in her eyes. "I don't know how to help you, Alex."

"But you're the Guide!" Upset, she started to pace. "My body is dying and I want to stay here."

Blair forced himself to calm down and think rationally. "Maybe you need to let go."

"Let go?"

"Let go of the hate, the pain and the fear. Everything that binds Alex Barnes to life. Maybe then your spirit guide can show you the way." Blair felt helpless, wishing Incacha were here to guide him!

"Is it that simple?" Alex turned around and locked eyes with him. "I shouldn’t have killed you."

"But you did."

"Do you hate me?" She hesitated to ask that particular question, but had to know. "Do you?"

"No," he replied after a moment's thought. "I pity you."

Alex reeled from that blow. "Pity?"

"You could have been an excellent Sentinel, but…"

Alex thought deeply. "I made too many mistakes." Suddenly, she realized that she was letting go, feeling lighter and warmer. The cold left. "How does it feel? Dying?" Her voice trembled, speaking those words.

Blair didn't really know what to say. "I didn't feel anything until Jim brought me back."

Alex realized how foolish it had been to think that she could break the bond between the two men. Even though Jim wasn't here, she sensed his presence underneath Blair's scent.

"I…" her voice trailed off as a bright burst of light blinded her.

"Incacha," Blair mumbled relieved. "Thanks. I need help, man." Incacha's pleased smile surprised him.

"I'm not here for you, Inqucha." As he walked towards Alex, Incacha extended his hand. "I'll guide you in your next life."

Alex didn't know why she placed her hand in the stranger's or why she fell into step beside him. But she did know that this felt right. "And you are?"

"Incacha… your Guide… but I died before finding you."

Blair's pulse raced and his head reeled. "You're her Guide? No way, man!"

Incacha simply reacted with a smile. "You did well. Return to your Sentinel now that I've finally found mine."

Blair could only stare as the light drew Alex in, absorbing her form. A second later, he was alone again and something tugged at his mind, pulling him back… Fatigued, he gave in.

///

Jim pulled his lover into his arms, quickly carrying him away from Alex's bed. The monitor beeped, indicating she'd gone into cardiac arrest. Doctor Langston and several nurses entered the room and he quickly left, taking Blair with him.

"Jim?" Feeling tired to the bone Blair tried to search Jim's eyes. "What happened, man?"

"Cardiac arrest," Jim informed Blair. "They're still working on her, but I don't hear a heartbeat." He felt like a hypocrite, knowing Blair wanted to help her, but he knew no one could save Alex Barnes. "You tried, Chief."

Blair blinked his eyes. Could he tell Jim what had happened? Should he tell Jim about Alex and Incacha? Could he? Not right now. He allowed Jim to sit him down and then nestled into his lover's arms. "Can you hear…?"

"No heartbeat, Chief."

"Don't you want to bring her back? Like you did with me?" he couldn't help but ask. "She's a Sentinel."

"Somehow that feels wrong, Chief. I brought you back because I love you and… I still think it wasn't your time. It's her time now, Blair. Let her go."

"So wise…" Blair mumbled and smiled against his lover's chest.

///

"Blair?" Doctor Langston felt tired, but she needed to inform Alex's last and only visitors. "Alex died 5 minutes ago."

Blair opened his eyes and nodded slowly. "I hope you don't mind… but I want to leave…"

She understood. Losing someone you cared about was never easy and she'd thought she had seen compassion in this young man's eyes. "You should rest. You look exhausted."

"Just a cold." Blair looked up at Jim. "Let's go home. We're no longer needed."

Jim steadied him as they walked back to the parking lot. Blair's breathing was labored and he started to cough again. "I should have stopped you from coming here. You should be in bed, resting!"

Blair tried to smile, but it turned into a grimace. "You're still suffering from that cold too," he stated and slipped onto his car seat. "Here," he handed Jim a Kleenex to blow his nose after his lover impatiently endured a fierce sneezing fit. "Both of us need sleep."

"You're right, Chief," Jim admitted and slid behind the wheel. "You better get enough rest tonight or you won't be able to teach class tomorrow."

"Shit… tomorrow is Monday! Great!" he winced and decided to try to get as much sleep as possible during their trip back to the loft. He was just about to close his eyes, when Jim's question stopped him from dozing off yet.

"Did you… settle things between the two of you?" Jim didn't know how else to phrase it.

"Yes, we did. We resolved things. And don't worry about her attacking me on the spirit plane. We worked things out."

Jim sighed relieved. "That's good enough for me, Chief."

///

Two months later

Blair stepped into the shower cabin and tried to reach a decision. During these last two months Jim and he had worked on strengthening their relationship and still hadn't killed each other. //Must be a good sign.// At least he thought so. After Alex had died they'd grown even closer and had managed to break down most barriers between them. A few had remained.

Jim still had trouble discussing his family and his past. Blair quickly learned not to push Jim into working on forgiving his father for the things that had happened in the past. He'd even tried to explain to Jim how lucky he was to have a father! His own pain had flared when he'd reminded Jim to settle things now that William Ellison was still alive. He hoped Jim would be able to talk things through with his dad in the end.

But something else bothered Blair as well. They still hadn't taken that last step… sexually. Yes, Jim had given him a few blowjobs, but he was still a virgin and damn, it was time to rectify that!

These last few nights he'd dreamed about finally making love with Jim. But he couldn't help feeling nervous. Yes, he had done a lot of reading, had even checked out some vids while Jim had been at work, but actually doing 'the deed' still caused him to panic.

Taking a deep breath he reached a decision. "Jim?" he whispered, knowing his lover's Sentinel hearing picked up on his voice. Jim didn't disappoint him. The door opened and Jim peeked inside.

"What's wrong, Chief?" Jim forced himself not to enter the bathroom, knowing he could cave in and surrender to the temptation to join Blair in the shower. Although the bathroom was already filled with steam, he could clearly make out his lover's form behind the shower curtain. His lover was naked and Jim closed his eyes in longing, trying to picture the droplets teasing down Blair's body. Oh, he would gladly give up his enhanced senses to be one of those droplets!

Blair fidgeted with the shampoo bottle. He wanted to do this and wouldn't allow himself to chicken out. "Want to wash my hair, Jim?" His heart thundered, desperately hoping Jim would understand what he was really offering.

"Are you sure, babe?" Jim's heart missed a beat, wondering if this meant that his lover was ready to take this final step.

"I'm sure. Lose the clothes and hop in, man… water is warm." Blair smiled weakly, trying hard to control his nervousness.

It only took Jim a few seconds to step out of his jeans. He threw his shirt on to the floor and slid passed the shower curtain. "Blair…" he whispered stunned. Yes, he'd seen his lover naked before, but the water droplets gently caressed the smooth flesh and Jim was hard within a heartbeat.

He indulged himself and studied Blair. He was lean and agile, muscular legs from playing baseball and he had delicious thighs, which screamed for his touch. Jim ran his fingers over the hairy chest, moving them down until they tangled in his lover's pubic hair. A long, thick cock stood erect, betraying Blair's arousal. Damn, the man was a vision!

Blair turned around and handed Jim the shampoo bottle. Jim almost dropped it accidentally, too occupied with admiring Blair's gorgeous ass. His right hand trailed down Blair's buttocks, squeezing it appreciately.

Jim's hot breath caressed the back of his neck and Blair leaned into the touch as Jim massaged a handful of shampoo into his hair. "That feels great," Blair whispered, surrendering to the touch. Jim's hard shaft pressed against his ass and he bit his lip, trying not to whimper.

Reading Blair's apparent need Jim decided to take the lead for now. "What do you want to do, babe?" He kept up the gentle massage and then rinsed the hair and applied the conditioner.

"I want to make love with you, Jim." Relieved that he'd managed to speak the words without stuttering, he peeked over his shoulder. "Do you still want me?" For one terrible moment fear clasped his heart as Jim remained quiet. Had he screwed up?

"I want you to make love to me, Blair." Jim watched his lover very closely and wasn't surprised to see the puzzled expression. Taking pity on Blair he clarified, "I want you to take me, Blair." His lover's choked cough startled him. "Babe?"

"Jim, I've never done this before… wouldn't it be better if you… took me?" Blair stuttered, trying to remain calm. He couldn't even picture taking Jim! The very thought stunned him. He'd never thought Jim would want him to top!

Jim wrapped both arms around his lover, pulling him close and showered the back of Blair's neck with kisses. "It thrills me to know that I'll be your first, babe. I want you to take me. I want you to experience that, want you to know how it feels to bury yourself inside a warm body… Don't worry, sweetheart… I'll take you… in time when you're no longer so nervous."

"We'll take turns?" Still surprised by this revelation Blair turned around in his lover's arms, resting his head on Jim's chest. "It's funny…"

"What's funny?" His lips brushed Blair's, tracing the inside with his tongue.

"Always assumed you would want to top…" Blair grinned and his fingers curled around his lover's erection, which was already slick with pre- ejaculate. "You love being in control, man."

Jim carefully chose his words. "I'll always love to top, but with you it's different… I want you inside." It was the truth. He wanted to get as close as he could to Blair, wanted to feel the connection, wanted to give this to his inexperienced lover.

"Thanks," Blair whispered and locked eyes with Jim. "I love you, Jim."

Jim smiled. "I want to go down on you, babe."

Blair quivered and didn't resist as Jim pushed him against the wall. "Just hearing you say that makes me want to come."

Jim kissed him hard and then worked his way down to Blair's chest, nipples and finally he tasted his lover's arousal as he licked Blair's slick cock.

Blair yelped softly and grabbed Jim's shoulders to steady himself. Looking down at his lover his eyes grew big. "Jim," he whispered and then tensed as warm soft lips closed over his erection.

Jim used his right hand to slowly pump his lover's cock. His tongue slid down Blair's length and as he reached the head, he sucked hard.

"Jim!" Blair shook fiercely, trying hard not to thrust into Jim's mouth. "What are you…" he never finished the question, as Jim took him even deeper, sucking, teasing. Unexpectedly, a finger slick with salvia teased against his entrance.

Carefully, Jim pushed his finger passed the ring of muscle. His finger glided easily inside and then started to stroke in a slow rhythm.

Blair gasped, fighting for breath and whimpered as a second finger claimed him. "Jim," he whispered, "I'm about to come."

"Let go, babe," Jim adviced as he briefly came up for breath. "That way you'll last longer when you fuck me…" He'd used the word on purpose, wondering if Blair liked to talk dirty.

"Fuck you?" Blair breathed the words and arched his back as Jim's fingers brushed his prostate.

Jim grinned smugly, feeling the building orgasm in Blair's body. His lover thrust hard into his mouth and Jim knew Blair was about to come.

Blair couldn't hold back any longer and let go. Jim sucking hard drove him over the edge. The force of his orgasm stunned him and Blair held onto Jim as he came hard in his lover's mouth.

Jim swallowed it all. They'd both been tested and they'd agreed on not using protection, confident they would be together for the rest of their lives. He grabbed Blair's ass and steadied his lover, who panted hard.

Blair couldn't think rationally, but finally he managed to lock eyes with Jim, who rose to his feet, burying him in a warm embrace. "That was…" Words failed him and he kissed Jim instead, eager to taste himself on his lover's tongue.

"Let's move this to the bedroom, babe." Jim turned off the shower, wrapped Blair in a warm towel and dried his lover's hair. "Why don't you already get comfortable in bed? I'll join you in a few minutes."

Blair could only nod his head, as tiny tremors still rocked his body. Feeling warm and loved he whispered, "Don't take too long, Jim," and then headed for the bedroom. He wanted to lie down before his knees gave out on him.

Jim quickly dried his skin and then uncovered the lube from the small cupboard. He would prepare himself for Blair, knowing his lover was nervous and had never done this before.

He coated his index finger with lube and smiled wickedly. Soon, very soon he would prepare Blair in this way when it was his time to claim his younger lover. The lube felt cold. As his finger pushed inside, he regulated his breathing. It had been too damn long since he'd done this! This was the first time that he wanted to be on the receiving end and he could barely wait to feel Blair push inside, so they could finally consummate their love.

After applying more lube he added another finger and he easily took them. He continued to stretch himself and as he relaxed he slipped three fingers inside. Briefly, he felt a stab of pain, but it faded quickly when his index finger brushed his prostate. "Ready…" After withdrawing his fingers he wiped off the excess lube and then ascended the stairs to his bedroom.

///

//Okay, I know what to do… I've read the books, checked out the gay kama sutra and…// Blair stared at the ceiling, suddenly wishing Jim wanted to top. What if he couldn't pull this off? What if he disappointed Jim? What if…?

His right hand stole down to his groin. He was erect again. The mere thought of being inside Jim Ellison made him ache with need. //He wants me to take him? How? What position? I read about stretching, but…//

All thoughts stopped as Jim stepped into the bedroom, naked and visibly aroused again. "Let me…" Blair said nervously. He completely forgot that Jim hadn't come earlier!

Jim crawled onto the bed on all fours and straddled his lover's hips. "Ssht… Don't be nervous."

"That's easy for you to say!" Blair objected and ran his fingernails over Jim's erect nipples. "I don't know what to do…"

"Want me to tell you the rest of my fantasy?" Jim realized he didn't have the patience to make this last. He wanted Blair to take him hard and fast… but Blair wasn't ready for that yet.

"Sure," Blair choked out, running admiring hands over his lover's muscular body. "Tell me."

"On my back," Jim said, hoping Blair would understand.

Blair licked his lips, suddenly realizing that Jim was trying to guide him through this. He locked his arms around Jim's frame and rolled him onto his back, suddenly ending up straddling Jim's hips in turn. He slowly stroked his lover's cock. "What comes next?"

"You run your tongue over my chest," Jim whispered, relishing the mischievous expression in Blair's eyes. A hot tongue teased his hard nipples and he bucked hard. He pulled his knees to his chest, exposing himself to his lover. "And then you touch me…"

Blair swallowed hard. "Jim." He couldn't believe that Jim wanted this. His fingers returned to massage his lover's sac and pumped Jim's cock. "Shouldn't I like…stretch you? I don't want to hurt you." Excitement coursed through him. Jim's willingness to let him do this took his breath away. He couldn't deny that he wanted to take Jim, wanted to bury himself in his lover's body.

"I already did that," Jim said softly and took hold of Blair's right hand, placing it against his entrance. "Make me yours, Blair. You once told me that you belong to me, but the truth is that you own me as well."

Blair still tried to process Jim's first admission. "You prepared yourself?"

"Yes, babe. Want you inside. Need you inside… It's my fantasy… take me, Blair."

Blair could no longer resist and pushed a finger into the hot passage. "You feel slick."

"Lube," Jim explained patiently and pushed back against the finger. "Want you inside, babe!"

The need in Jim's voice urged him to finally act and he removed his finger. "You want me that bad?"

"Yes," he groaned. "And I want you now."

Trembling, Blair positioned himself and started to push into his lover's body, which craved release. "Am I hurting you?" he asked concerned, but Jim pushed back hard, taking him in deeper.

"Just make love to me, Blair…" Jim whimpered lost. He'd never allowed another man to take him. Blair was his first and he couldn't believe how intense this felt. Blair was inside him, taking him and as his lover thrust slowly, Blair slid into him, sheathed to the hilt. "Mine, you're mine, Sandburg," he growled passionately.

Blair stopped thinking and instinct took over. Leaning in closer, he roughly claimed Jim's lips, parting his teeth and slipping inside. His thrusts grew deeper, harder, and more aggressive as he wanted to crawl inside Jim, being one at last.

Jim simply surrendered to the rough kiss and met each of Blair's thrusts with one of his own. "Mine… you're mine," he repeated. Part of him couldn't believe Blair was moving inside him, finally claiming him. Suddenly, Blair's hand returned to stroke his cock and Jim screamed his passion as he came in his lover's hand.

Jim's muscle clenched his cock and the sensation pushed Blair over the edge. He stopped moving, as he released his come deep inside his lover's body.

Jim blinked his eyes and realized that Blair was about to collapse. Quickly, he folded his arms around his lover's shaking body and held him close.

Blair clung to him and carefully pulled back. His soft sex slipped out of his lover's body and he settled down in Jim's arms, collapsing on his stomach. "Thank you, Jim."

Jim didn't react verbally, just kissed Blair's lips and smiled.

"Maybe we should head back for another shower? Or we'll be stuck," Blair whispered and fondly ran his fingertips in circles over the muscular chest. "Or do you want to stay here like this?"

"Want to stay here forever, babe." Jim pressed a single kiss on his lover's brow. "And we're back to being mushy."

"As the Sentinel of the Great city once said, mushy is good," Blair giggled blissfully.

Jim looked into sparkling blue eyes and vowed to always treasure this love.

The end :)