Jamie's Universe 2: Jamie's Birthday
by Athena
Fandom: The Sentinel
Pairing: Jim/Blair
Summary: Jim's fortieth birthday party
Series: A co-story to Having Your Baby
Rating: NC-17
Acknowledgements: Thanks to Ami for her Beta read
(thank you - Ivan Reitman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny Devito, Emma Thompson, and everyone else involved with the production of the movie Junior for the inspiration.)
Jamie's Universe 2: Jamie's Birthday
by Athena
When Jim and Simon entered the loft, everyone shouted surprise. Jim had left work due to disability five months ago because he couldn't go on family leave since his pregnancy was suppose to be a secret. The amount of people who knew about his secret was growing. Of the people attending his birthday party, only Joel, Margaret and Debra didn't know. Debra knew something was up when Jim refused to surf all last summer, but she would never guess entopic pregnancy.
The loft was decorated by black streamers (No wonder Blair forced him to go bowling with Simon.), on the streamers were white paper tombstones, there was chocolate cake with white icing saying "Rest in Peace", a couple wrapped cans probably prune juice, and the smell of Ben-Gay ointment leaking from one of the smaller presents. The Ben-Gay ointment was most likely from Debra. Some Sentinel of the Great City, he didn't know a thing about surprise party. Blair somehow managed to use his knowledge about Jim's ability against him or for him, as the case may be. Either way, Jim was surprised.
Blair said, "Take your coat off. Stay awhile."
Jim just looked at him. Devin was snoring lightly in her crib. The coat was staying on around the party guests. Jim gave a second glance at the cake and the decorations and ran upstairs. Finally, he took off his coat. Blair followed him upstairs.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, Jim took off his cotton shirt. His white tee shirt had small milk circles around the areolas. "Men aren't supposed to get leaky breasts."
"Put a bra and nursing pads under a clean tee shirt," said Blair.
"You can suck out the extra." Jim rested his head on the pillows and lied on the made bed.
"I suck. You make more."
Jim put his hand through Blair's curls and pulled Blair's body close to him then whispered, "It feels so good when you suck them."
"A little bit. Just to lessen the pressure." Blair put his mouth and hands on Jim's milk-filled breasts. He sucked the left one while fondling the right. "A taste only a baby could like." He then sucked milk off the other one.
Jim rested on the pillow to enjoy the attention. The sensation of Blair sucking was different then Devin. He caressed the breast and didn't suck with singular purpose. Jim felt Blair's lips and tongue on his nipple. Jim spread out on the bed, wishing there was no party downstairs.
Blair stopped sucking then kissed Jim. "You put on the bra and nursing pads. I'll make up an excuse for you." Blair joined the others downstairs. "Jim had a bit a baby spittle on his shirt."
Jim listened as he redressed. Margaret said, "I would like to see the little wonder."
"She's sleeping," said Blair.
"You have a great guy. Not many men would watch their lover's child," said Margaret, "especially since you cheated on him while he was going through a difficult time."
Margaret, you have no idea how difficult. He knew Blair didn't cheat on him. His senses would tell him if he had someone else's odors on him. Not that Jim checked Blair for those things. Then again, Blair was a young bisexual man and Jim was turning forty and having gender issues. As Jim buttoned his shirt, knowing he couldn't hide the bra, he didn't reconsider himself that great of catch.
Blair's voice perked up. "Jim loves Devin as his own. I should have been more caring about Jim's feelings."
"It's Jim now?" said Joel.
"Jim, Jamie, Jimmy, Jimbo," said Blair. "Just not late for dinner."
Wearing his favorite blue shirt over a bra and tee shirt, Jim came downstairs. "Or late for cake."
"It's your cake," Simon said. "You're the birthday boy."
"No jokes about my age." Jim said nothing about being called a boy and sat down between Blair and Margaret. Although he still had fifteen pounds to lose, he felt good to be wearing his pre-pregnancy clothes. The birthday boy should get the special chair. However, Joel was enjoying the message chair.
"You're a few years younger than me," said Simon. "And I'm not ready for the retirement home."
"The tombstones with Rest in Peace were Blair's idea," said Megan.
"Blame me," Blair said trying to sound innocence. His smile quivered enough to say he wasn't the least bit innocent. At least, not when it came to party decorations.
"You're the only one here outside of Devin still wearing diapers," said Megan.
Blair protested, "Margaret is younger than I."
"By a few months," said Margaret, the only person here that wasn't a cop or the significant other of a cop.
Blair lit the 4 and the 0 candles. After Happy Birthday was sung, Jim blew out the candles and cut the cake. Finally, after he gave everyone one else a slice, he sat down with his own slice only to hear the baby cry. Jim took his slice of cake and the baby upstairs. He wouldn't be able to eat the cake while nursing unless he wanted Devin's hands and feet in the cake. However, if he left the cake downstairs, his so-called friends would eat it. He worked with them for years and they couldn't be trusted around food.
After putting the cake on the night table, he unbuttoned his shirt, pulled up his tee shirt, and unhooked the nursing bra. Devin latched on quickly. He could feel the milk coming down. Naomi was wrong, it wasn't better than sex, but it felt pretty darn good. Rationally, he knew he had to stop nursing Devin. Today told him that. However, he didn't want to give up lying on his side with the baby on the breast or nursing in his lounge chair while watching the Jags.
Hearing Margaret climbing the stairs, Jim didn't have time to take Devin off his breast. He could have covered up more, but it didn't matter at this point. The truth would come out to another person. Brown and Rafe weren't here. They were worse gossips than nosy grandmothers. If Joel and Debra knew, they would keep the secret. Joel had known that Jim was a Sentinel for years.
Still on the last step, Margaret said, "I have bottle." Margaret walked over to the bed and saw Jim lying with his tee shirt pulled up and the baby under it. Holding the bottle in both her hands, she stepped back from the bed. Her voice trembled like her hands. "I'm not seeing what I'm seeing."
Jim sat up and repositioned the baby in a football hold. "Blair wants me to stop nursing."
Margaret put the bottle on the nightstand. "Jamie, men don't nurse."
"I shouldn't have nursed Devin in the hospital. Naomi put the baby on my breast. It was magic."
Margaret sat on the bed. "You love Devin like your own. Any fool could see that, but even a man on hormones can't make that much milk."
"We supplement with formula. I give her what I can. I'm the only mother Devin will ever know. My mother left me when I was young. I didn't have much of a role model."
Margaret put an arm around Jim. "Devin is Blair's child."
"Biologically, but blood isn't the only thing that matters. Her biological mother didn't see her as anything more than an easy buck."
"It's illegal to sell children."
"You might as well know the truth. Heather, Simon and Megan already know. Blair didn't cheat on me. Devin came from Blair's sperm and a donor egg."
Margaret gasped. "William paid for surrogate."
"No way. I was implanted with a three-day old embryo. I carried Devin to term."
Margaret brushed a hair off his face. "You aren't kidding. Increased hair growth is a symptom of pregnancy. You were growing bald. To spite Rogaine's claims, it isn't that easy to grow a full head of hair."
"Do you want to see my Caesarian scar?"
"I rather I didn't."
"Good. I can't show you with Devin nursing." Jim switched the baby to the other breast.
"That's why you got up to the use the bathroom while my friend had a solo." Margaret stayed friends with him the whole pregnancy. They spoke on the phone and the Internet, but they did go to a jazz concert during his fourth month.
Jim nodded.
"You weren't insulting my friend's sax playing," said Margaret.
"No, baby on the bladder." Jim covered up around the baby with the blanket.
"It's your party. You better go down there before the rest of the party comes up here."
Jim took the baby off his breast and burped her. "You can bring her downstairs while I fix my shirt." While Margaret took the baby and the bottle downstairs, Jim fixed his bra, pulled down his tee shirt and buttoned his shirt. He tucked his shirt in his pants and redid his belt, hoping he looked presentable. Finally, he took his cake and went back to his party.
He, finally, started eating his cake.
Megan said, "Time to open the presents."
Jim gave her a look that said I know over a hundred ways to kill a person and I'm not afraid to use one or two of them. "It's time for cake." Jim continued to eat the cake as Megan and Debra watched Margaret bottle-feed Devin. Jim smelled something in the baby's diaper."Chief, it's your turn to change the diaper."
"I know," Blair said, taking the baby to the changing table. "The cloth diapers were my idea."
"It's my birthday," said Jim. "It isn't too much to ask to finish one slice of cake."
Jim listened to Devin coo as Blair changed the diaper. The nasty diaper went in the bleach water. Tomorrow Jim would need to wash diapers, again. Cloth diapers are good for the environment. If he told himself that enough times, he wouldn't buy Pampers behind Blair's back. The chocolate cake tasted real good. The icing wasn't too bad, a bit sweet, but it was icing.
Blair was soon bouncing the clean baby in his arms.
Megan said, "She's mine."
Blair gave her the baby. "Be careful. She is learning to hold up her head, but it is still a bit wobbly."
"The poor thing probably has your brains," teased Megan.
Jim put his empty plate in the kitchen sink with the others. "Now we can open the presents." He took a small box off the card table. The card said, "To keep you going, Blair." He took off the wrapping paper to find prunes.
Blair kissed Jim. "I'll give you a real present later."
Jim opened the card on the Ben-Gay tube. It was from Debra, his surfing buddy. Blair must have told everyone to bring gag gifts. There was a rectangular present, a book, probably Sex over Forty, a book with an interesting cover and empty pages. After Jim took of the wrapping paper, he realized it wasn't. The book had a woman in a black dress on cover, Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest of Us by Kate Bornstein.
Margaret smiled. "We were discussing gender being a phantom issue. The more you discuss it, the more it seems to go away. Jamie, I thought you would appreciate the book. I should have given it to you privately."
Joel and Simon both stared at Jim. Joel's eyes stayed on Jim face while Simon's eyes seemed to fall to Jim's breasts. Jim touched his hair, still styled in a lady's cut. His cheeks grew warm.
Margaret said, "I'm sorry."
Blair smiled and faked a laugh. "Margaret didn't get the email."
Joel said, "We know Jim has gender issues."
Heather hid the book under a box of prunes.
"I don't have gender issues," said Jim. "Society has gender issues. That is what the book is about. Society wants everyone to be male or female. Through medical means I was able to have a baby. My father suggested Blair and I marry while I was still legally female. My hospital record says I'm female, three months postpartum."
"What?" said Joel.
Blair explained, "We signed Jamie into the hospital as Mrs. Sandburg. Only our doctor and her staff saw Jamie naked. We were very careful to avoid press. Please, keep our secret."
"You're serious," said Joel.
Blair sat beside Jim on the sofa. Jim scooped up Blair in his arms and put him in his lap. "My Caesarean scar is healing and I'm lifting weights, again. I won't break." Jim muffed Blair's hair. "He has been treating me like a Ming vase the whole pregnancy."
Joel looked at Megan, Heather and finally Simon. "Please, tell me they're kidding."
Simon said, "I felt the baby kick."
Joel's eyes shifted to Megan.
"I heard the baby's heartbeat," said Megan. "When Blair gave me a stethoscope, I nearly laughed myself to death. Heather and I made a baby shower for Jamie. Cassie crashed it. It was all supposed to be very hush-hush, very Double-O 7. Joel, I wish I could tell you they are kidding because the press will find out. Hopefully, by then I'll be back in Sydney and I can see it break on CNN International."
Joel finally looked at Heather, holding her husband's hand.
"I saw the ultra-sound," said Heather.
Joel laughed. "There's a camera somewhere. Jim Ellison did not have a baby."
"Say that fifty times and you might believe it," said Megan through her giggles.
Margaret said, "I'm sorry about the book. Jamie has been cross-dressing for over a year. I didn't realize the baby and the cross=dressing were connected."
"You broke the humorous mood." Blair cuddled into Jim's lap.
Jim wrapped his arms around Blair and sniffed Blair's hair. He smelled so good. However, Jim heard the gentle snore of his baby. "Chief, you need to get up. The baby is asleep."
Blair got off Jim's lap. Blair and Megan gently placed the baby in the crib under a blanket. Megan took the book out from under the box of prunes.
Waving the book around, Megan said, "Law-biding Jim Ellison is a gender outlaw."
Jim snatched the book from her. "It's Jamie Sandburg."
"You and Blair are married?" Joel laughed.
"Yes, Blair took the marriage license to the hospital," said Jim. "I think Blair has issues with being called a bastard because he was very loud about us being married."
"I was not," said Blair.
"You kept the marriage license with you, although we filled out the birth certificate together," said Jim, "and you made sure I was checked in as James Sandburg."
"I didn't want any press leaks," said Blair.
"Sure." Jim gathered up the remaining plates and drink glasses.
Megan helped gather the empty soldiers, several which she caused. "You said you were going back to being the old you once the baby is born."
"You and Heather say you like me better this way."
In the kitchen away from everyone else, Megan whispered, "When do you listen to anything I say?"
Jim put the dishes in the dishwasher. "I've been off hormones for over a month and I still look like this."
"Jamie, this is uncharted territory. No men have carried babies to term before. I don't know how that would mess up a man's body. It messes up a woman's body pretty good and we are meant to carry babies."
Margaret entered the kitchen. "I shouldn't have come upstairs."
"Blair doesn't want me to nurse," Jim said. "I'm too stubborn to listen. My breasts leaked in public today."
"You are a gender outlaw."
Jim smiled thinking back on all he had done. "Little Jimmy obeyed all the rules until he fell in love with another man. This beautiful man wanted to help a researcher by giving her some sperm. Little Jimmy being a crusader for the innocent wouldn't let this beautiful man kill a three month old fetus, so Little Jimmy broke the biggest law of all: boys don't get pregnant. I don't care about gender rules anymore. I just want to be me."
"Who is?" said Megan.
"I don't know," said Jim. "I think that is why Margaret got me the book to help me find out."
Blair came into the kitchen with his plate. "What were you ladies talking about?"
Megan laughed. "Jamie's breasts leaking."
Blair put a hand on Jim's behind. "Honey, you have to stop breastfeeding and get the shot."
"What shot?" asked Megan.
Jim tried not to notice Blair's hand touching him places. Squirming, Jim said, "Little Jimmy needs to get a shot in his behind then his testicles may produce sperm, again."
"Get the shot," said Megan.
Blair squeezed Jim's butt cheek. "The worse that could happen is Devin can get baby acne if your hormones get in her milk. And that won't happen because you'll stop breastfeeding."
"Why do you want me to stop breastfeeding so much? You're the anthropologist. You've been saying for years that the breast is best and corporate America shouldn't be selling formula to developing countries."
Blair moved his hand up to Jim's waist. "You need to wear a bra as long as you breastfeed."
"I've worn a 'B' cup since my third month. Chief, I'm not going to be flat-chested without surgery. I better talk to Joel before he starts checking the walls for cameras." After Jim returned to the living room, he turned on one of the poker table chairs toward Joel then sat down. "Joel, I had Blair's baby. That's why I was throwing up in the bathroom. I pretended to be transsexual, so no one would know I was pregnant. It made perfect sense at the time."
"You aren't transsexual?" Joel was sitting on the sofa near Megan and Simon was now playing with the therapeutic chair.
"I'm not sure. All I really know is Jamie Sandburg doesn't fit in a box."
"What are you doing with your life?"
"Caring for Devin (That's a fulltime job in itself), managing my rental properties and making the loft a home." Jim picked up some of Devin's toys and put them in a toybox. Blair and the others must have been playing them. Three month olds don't play with toys. They watch adults play with toys. "I'm doing well for three months postpartum."
"My wife was a mess the first six months. Bottles and spittle everywhere." Joel walked over to the sleeping baby. "Why don't Terry and I take Devin for the night? You and Blair can go out or stay here for some babyfree time."
"Now that's a birthday present." When Jim hugged Joel, Joel gave Jim a pat on the back. Jim took the prunes and prune juice to the kitchen. "I'm still acting like a woman."
"Jamie, you need to act like you. That's why Margaret got you that book. You can't let the gender police tell you what you're supposed to act like."
"The military had strict codes of behavior. The codes of behavior the Chopec had made the military seem lenient. The police has its own code, which Blair wrote about in his paper. I used those codes, knowing I'd be ignored."
"You sound like Blair."
"I'm married to a Doctor of Anthropology." Jim put an arm around Blair. "It's bound to rub off."
Blair kissed Jim. "Society has rules how straight men are suppose to act, gay men are suppose to act, even bisexual. They try to pigeonholes everyone. Since I'm bisexual, people think I'm a slut."
Jim squeezed Blair's butt. "You're my slut."
"See." Blair took hold of Jim's hands. "Rumor had it I was fucking you and I had a different girl every week."
"You didn't," said Joel.
"I'm not the slut you think I am." Blair held Jim's hand. "No one had a problem with me claiming to have been cheating when Jamie needed me most."
Margaret said, "I was telling him that that I wouldn't put up with him bringing home somebody else's child and Jamie was a keeper. Now I feel bad about browbeating you."
"Jamie and I started that lie," said Blair.
"You had me fooled," said Margaret. "I'm sorry about the things I said."
Blair was still holding Jim's hand. "All is forgiven," said Blair, "especially I started that rumor."
Jim helped Joel get together the baby things and with the Devin's carseat. After the baby was fastened, Jim kissed Devin's forehead.
"Jamie, it's only one night," said Joel. "We'll have her back tomorrow morning. Four bottles, a bag of diapers and two changes of clothing are plenty."
"I worry." Jim watched Joel's car pull away, watching Devin until the car turned the corner. Then he went back inside.
Blair was putting away the last of the party supplies and cleaning the loft with Margaret's help. Margaret said, "Jamie, we'll talk tomorrow." After she grabbed her purse and put on her coat, she hugged Jim.
"Thanks," Jim said.
Now that the loft was guest-free and relatively clean, Blair sat with Jim on the sofa. "Honey, Joel has children and grandchildren. Devin will be fine."
"She's always been with you or me."
"You go to the gym."
Jim put an arm around Blair. "I can hear her when she cries in the gym nursery."
"She has only been gone a few minutes."
"I miss her." The phone rang. Jim answered it. It was his father wishing him a happy birthday day. "Dad, I received the card."
"I'm too young to have a forty year old child."
Jim knew by the silence that his father wasn't comfortable. "Dad, thank you for calling."
"Did you do anything special for your birthday?"
"Joel and Terry are babysitting Devin. Blair and I have an evening alone with the first time since the baby was born."
"Jimmy, I won't keep you." William made quick good-bye.
After Jim hung up, he said, "Chief, let's go out somewhere."
"I was hoping to get some time at home."
"I'm always home," Jim said. "We can go for a quick dinner and then we can hug the rest of the night."
Blair rested his head on Jim's chest. "A shot will get it working again. There are penile implants if the injection doesn't work."
"A penile implant means I pump water into my dick to make it hard." Jim placed his arms around Blair. "I rather go without."
"The injection will work. Bianca assumed function would return once you went off female hormones. A single shot of male hormones and the negative feedback loop should regulate itself."
"Chief, I don't want to talk about it. Let's go out."
"Jamie, you need to talk about it."
"I don't know what you want me to say."
"Something. This is your body people are shoving chemicals into."
"I look like a woman with a dick," said Jim. "I have a scar from the C-section. I need to have a second hernia operation. You want me to get a shot as I can add bald to my list of defects."
Blair kissed Jim's cheek. "Honey, I know you're frightened."
"Good old Jim Ellison and his fear-based reactions."
"Honey, let's go out for Thai."
After a quiet dinner, Jim and Blair went upstairs to undress for bed. Jim undressed then put on his nightgown. Jim's breasts were engorged, again. Blair unbuttoned Jim's nightgown and suckled.
"You don't have to do that?" said Jim. "You said it was a taste only a baby could love."
Blair stopped suckling and played with Jim's breasts. "You take a shower to relieve the pressure."
Jim walked downstairs in his nightgown. After a minute or two, Blair joined him in the shower. Jim's breasts were leaking milk in the warm spray. Using a washcloth, Blair cleaned Jim's breasts and belly.
"How can you bear to look at me?" Jim turned away from Blair and looked at the shower knobs.
"I love you."
"Some days I feel like an extension of Devin."
Blair washed Jim's back. "A lot of new mother's feel that way."
"I'm not a lot of mothers. I was talking to Bianca and she told me when I was hesitant about getting the testosterone shot that I am not a good candidate for sexual reassignment surgery. I could end up shitting into a bag."
Blair's body tensed. "Why would she even suggest such a thing?"
"I'm not the Jim Ellison of eighteen months ago." Jim used the shower hose on Blair's hair then put shampoo in Blair's hair. "She said she could have the university pay for my surgery since she was the one to implant an embryo in me. She agreed to be my doctor for as long as I need her."
"I think she's afraid of lawsuit."
"Tomorrow, I'm going to get the testosterone shot." Jim rinsed the shampoo out of Blair's hair. "If I continue to go to the gym and eat right, I'll look like the old me in a few months. My breasts will sag without the estrogen and muscular pecs should support any extra tissue. Dressed, no one will know I spent over a year on female hormones."
"That's what you want." Blair put conditioner in his hair. "You can stop doubting your words, make your sentences shorter and throw in a few 'Leave it to Beaver' jokes for good measure."
"You make it sound so easy."
"It is. You have thirty-eight years of learned behavior to fall back on."
Jim hosed the conditioner out of Blair's hair. "Chief, hold still."
"That's it."
"Can Jim Ellison be Devin's mother?"
"No, but he can be her father. Turn around. You have shampoo all over you."
"When Devin starts talking, I encourage her to call me 'Dada'."
"You sound more like your old self. I would tell you to curse more. However, Jamie curses more than Jim. Jim makes witty remarks." Blair turned off the water and took a towel for his hair, handed Jim a towel and took another for his body. As Blair dried himself, he watched Jim dry and wrap himself in a towel. "The towel goes lower. Men don't cover their chest."
"Pressure stops milk production." Jim took off the towel and whipped it at Blair. "Better."
"You were able to learn ladylike behavior because you did it twenty-four hours a day. You have to use manly behavior twenty-four/seven."
"How?" Jim said walking back upstairs. Now the towel was too wet to wrap around him and he wanted to get in his nightgown on and under the blanket.
"You chew your food less, cross your legs at the knee, clutch your jaw, walk without the wiggle. I wiggle; you don't. I have a whole dissertation on Jim Ellison and his behavior. Feel free to read it."
Using his towel as a weapon, Jim chased Blair upstairs. "You're a little shit."
"And you love me for it."
END