IN MY LIFE: EPILOGUE FOR "REMEMBERANCE"

By: Lyn

FEEDBACK TO: townsend297@ozemail.com.au

AUTHOR'S WEBSITE: http://brothersinarms.tvheaven.com

DISCLAIMER: The characters of The Sentinel are the property of Petfly and Paramount. This fanfic was written for my own and others' enjoyment. No money has changed hands and no copyright infringement is intended.

PAIRING: Jim/Blair

RATING: NC-17

'Something's missing in my life
Maybe it's you, maybe it's you I need.
Something's missing in my life
Oh come and be right where I need you to be,
For all my life.'

Jim trudged wearily up the stairs to the loft. He ached in places he didn't know existed, and he was exhausted, both physically and mentally. He'd taken his father to the hospital to be examined, relieved when the doctor announced the worst of William's injuries were cuts and bruises. His father had been given some mild pain relievers and a sedative, and discharged. Jim drove him home to an anxious Sally, stayed for a cup of coffee and they'd talked. More than they ever had before.

While Jim still felt anger at his father's denial of his budding hyper-senses, he understood finally what Blair had tried to explain in the hectic days leading up to this gut-wrenching finale; that his father may have erred, but he had done so out of concern for his son. A cynical part of Jim couldn't help adding that his father's fear for his reputation had played a part in his actions. Caught up in fractured, painful memories, Jim hadn't been prepared to listen to Blair. Now he knew his guide had been right. It didn't make up for the absence of a caring father in his formative years, nor make it less painful, but Jim knew it was time to forgive and move on.

He smiled a little now at the memory of Blair wrapping his arm about Simon's shoulders as the two had left the crime scene earlier that day, and the captain's gruff voice admonishing the hyperactive grad student. For all his bark, Jim knew Simon had grown to like and respect Blair Sandburg, and Blair had proved his worth once more in this case, guiding Jim, forcing him to see past the pain of his youth in order to recall what was needed to catch a killer.

Jim's soul-searching over the past few days had brought to light more than just a renewed understanding about his father. The gentle way that Blair had coaxed him to uncover the horrific memories of Bud's death, and his empathy for Jim's feelings at what the detective saw as his father's failings, had warmed Jim's heart and he found himself looking at Blair differently.

He suspected it was something that had been simmering just beneath the surface for some time, you did not suddenly fall in love with your roommate overnight, after all, but he'd found it too shocking to admit to. Thinking back, he remembered times when his gaze had lingered over the curve of Blair's ass in his tight jeans, and the alluring glint of captured drops of water in his partner's dark chest hair. There was a change in the way Blair smelled too. An intoxicating musky, spicy scent that not only made Jim crave for his partner's nearness, but whetted his sexual appetite. And hanging over this newfound love and lust he felt for his guide, was the worrying thought that if Blair found out, he might simply walk away. That was not something Jim was prepared to risk. And so he kept his feelings buried, content to love Blair secretly forever, if he had to.

The lights were off in the apartment when he opened the door, though the glow of the fire made the place seem cozy and welcoming. Blair was seated on the sofa, leaning forward, staring silently at the football he held in his hands.

"You having a love affair with my football, Chief?"

There was no response and Jim hung up his jacket and made it to the couch in a couple of quick strides. "Blair?" He crouched down in front of the silent young man and reached out to pat his knee.

Blair startled, and blinked rapidly several times, finally focusing on Jim. "Oh, hey. You're home. How's your Dad?"

Jim smiled. "He's fine, Chief. A little shaken up, but some coddling by Sally will put that right."

Blair nodded. "That's good. I'm glad. You all right?"

Jim shifted up and sat on the couch beside his partner. "Yeah, I'm good. We talked. I don't know if I can get past him not being there for Steven and me when we really needed him, but he did what he thought was right at the time. Like he said there was no handbook back then for single fathers."

"Or mothers," Blair added fervently.

"I want to try to establish the relationship now that we should have had when I was a kid."

"Great. He's a pretty nice guy, you know." Blair placed the football in Jim's hands, his fingers lingering a moment to squeeze gently. "I'm going to go to bed."

Jim watched him as he stood and walked away. "Blair? Everything all right with you?"

Blair paused in the doorway to his room, but didn't turn around. "I guess this thing with your dad got me thinking about what I've missed not knowing who my father is. I've always said it didn't bother me, but deep down. " His voice trailed off and he turned then and smiled. "The whole family thing, I guess. Sometimes I wish Naomi had told me who he was, so I could maybe track him down, get acquainted."

"You've never asked her?"

"Oh sure, when I was a kid, and all my friends' fathers were showing up at Parent Days and stuff, but lately. I've skirted around it a few times, and she gets this look on her face. I don't want to upset her. It scares me sometimes. I wonder if the reason she won't tell me is because of the kind of person he is."

"Sounds like we've both got our share of skeletons in our closets, Chief."

"Yeah. At least you've managed to dispel two of them, make them over with flesh and blood. You have a family now, Jim." He looked suddenly aghast. "Oh, hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to rain on your parade, man. I'm really glad you and Steven and your dad are finally going to be a part of each other's lives again."

"I'm not holding my breath there, Chief," Jim replied dryly. "My father is still a workaholic who thinks business comes before his family, and this sentinel thing scares him to death. Thinks it'll ruin his reputation if people find out he has a 'freak' for a son." He crooked his fingers into quotation marks for emphasis, then obliterated the word with a wave of his hand. "Some things people can't change, no matter how much they might want to."

"Give him time, Jim. He's just getting used to having a son again."

"That thing you said about family? You've got me, you know, for as long as you'll have me," Jim said hurriedly before his courage deserted him.

Blair snorted and walked back out to stand in front of his partner. "No offense, man, but you're not really what I'm looking for in a dad."

Jim pretended to look affronted. "Are you saying I wouldn't make a good father?"

Blair seemed to take the comment seriously. "Are you kidding? I think you're going to be an awesome dad someday. It's just. Well, I kind of had some other kind of relationship in mind for you."

Jim sat forward, his heart thudding in his chest. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Blair shrugged. "Partner, brother, best friend."

Jim's hopes sank again. "I'm all that and more, Chief." He reached up and took hold of one of Blair's hands, pressing the flesh of their palms together. "Get some sleep, partner."

Blair hesitated a moment, then nodded. "Good night, Jim."

~o0o~


Brambles and wayward branches scratched at his face as he ran through the woods. His senses on full alert, his nose picked up a smell -- an unpleasant metallic odor and the sweet, sickly stench of death. He choked and gagged, then fell to his knees retching. Exhausted, his chest heaving, he looked up slowly, into the dead, bloodied face of..

"Blair!" The shout jarred him awake, and he sat up, trying desperately to disentangle himself from his bedclothes. Rapid footsteps padded up the stairs, and Jim tried to get his breathing under control.

"Jim?" Blair stood for a moment on the topmost step, then quickly crossed to the bed. "You okay?"

Jim managed a nod, scrubbing at his face with trembling hands. "Sorry," he grated out. "Dream." Sweat dribbled down his face stinging his eyes. "Nightmare."

"Must have been a doozy." Blair settled himself on the side of the bed. "I think you woke the entire third floor. Anything I can get you?"

Jim shook his head. "Don't know what that was all about. Sorry I woke you."

"I wasn't asleep. My head's been pretty full too. You want to talk about it?"

Jim glanced at him quickly, wanting desperately to, but concerned at upsetting his partner. "Just more of the same," he said finally. "Running through the woods, finding a body."

"Bud again?"

"You."

"Oh." Blair picked idly at the edge of the blanket. "Sounds like you still have some unresolved issues."

"Like what?"

Blair shrugged. "Something you said earlier about wanting more of a relationship with me. More than brother, best friend, partner. I'm guessing lover."

Jim looked away. "Would it bother you if I said you were right?"

Blair smiled widely. "Who could be offended by being told they're loved, Jim? Do I want to take that step with you?" He laughed softly. "My head's saying I'm crazy, but my heart's been saying yes for quite a while."

"You've been thinking about this. us?"

"I've had some thoughts, but I guess I've been pushing them away. I mean, it's a hell of a step for a heterosexual guy to start coming on to his partner."

"You're telling me." Jim lay back on his pillow and studied Blair closely. Everything he saw made his heart swell with love and his groin stir with hunger. He pictured taking Blair in his arms, kissing that full mouth, stroking his hands through the dark chest hair he had only glimpsed to now, tasting the sturdy cock that tented Blair's boxers. He groaned as his own erection woke up and paid attention. "What do we do now?"

"Take it a step at a time, I guess. Although, if you don't stop thinking impure thoughts, we might run the whole marathon tonight." He indicated Jim's hard-on with a wave and a grin.

Jim felt his cheeks heat with both embarrassment and lust at Blair's words. "What's the first step?" he croaked.

"Now that's an easy one. Move over." Lifting the blankets as Jim shifted to the other side of the bed, Blair climbed in and turned on his side so he was facing his partner. "C'mere," he invited. "Nothing's going to happen."

"Speak for yourself," Jim grumbled, feeling a wet spot grow on the front of his boxers. He moved closer all the same.

Blair ducked his head so that it was tucked beneath Jim's chin, his cheek resting against Jim's broad chest, bristles tickling sensitive skin. His arms wrapped around the sentinel's waist and Jim was surprised to discover that they seem to fit against each other perfectly.

"Mmm," Blair whispered, a definite note of satisfaction in his voice. "'S'nice. I can hear your heartbeat. Go to sleep, Jim. Tomorrow we're going to work on step two."

Jim lifted one arm and pulled Blair closer, anchoring the warm body against his own, the fingers of one hand gently massaging Blair's skull. He opened up his senses, cataloguing the uniqueness that was Blair, and allowed the familiarity to lull him into healing sleep.

FIN