I Promise You...

by Morgana

Email:morganalebeau@yahoo.com

Fandom: The Sentinel

Rating: PG-13

Pairings: Jim/Blair

Summary: Jim has to deal with Blair's unexpected death. There's a happy end...

Warning: Death story! Alternate Universe

Note: A song by Megadeth, called Promises, inspired this story. If you've got the chance, listen to it when you're reading this story…

Disclaimer: The Sentinel is a creation by Danny Bilson and Paul DeMeo and belongs to Paramount Pictures, Pet Fly Productions & UPN.

In the midst of preparing dinner, Jim froze. His movements halted in mid air and the water came to a boil, flowing over the rim of the pot filled with pasta. "Blair…" The whispered word hung heavy in the kitchen. Something bad had happened and it had snapped the invisible cord that had existed between them since he'd brought Blair back from the dead. He'd never told Blair that he felt such a connection, but had instinctively known that his partner felt it too.

A flash of pain and regret washed over him. They'd never talked about Alex, about Sierra Verde, Veronica… or the thesis that Sid had leaked to the press. So many things had gone wrong during these last months and he'd chosen the easy way out. But tonight he'd planned on talking things out with Blair. They'd been pussyfooting around each other and he'd seen the fear in Blair's eyes. A fear that he'd created because he'd packed up Blair's things one evening, telling the young anthropologist to leave the loft.

Jim turned off the stove and walked over to the kitchen table, suddenly unable to remain on his feet. His knees gave out on him and his right hand massaged his chest, as his heart continued to throb painfully. It almost felt like someone had shot a bullet through it. He tried to get back to his feet, but his body refused. Sudden weakness almost paralysed him and all he could think about was reaching for the phone and try to get through to Blair. Blair… the younger man was all he could think about.

"Please let him be all right," he pleaded softly, words barely audible as they floated through the kitchen. Tonight, he would finally tell Blair how much the younger man meant to him. Tonight, things would change and he would profess his love.

Blair had been depressed lately because of the dissertation fiasco. The younger man had also told him and Simon that he couldn't go for the badge. It wasn't what he wanted and his heart wouldn't be in it. Jim still remembered Blair's determined words when the young man had handed Simon back the badge.

'I've got to stay true to myself, Simon. Thanks for believing in me, but I can't accept it.'

Blair's words had cut through his soul, but he had understood. Blair was a teacher; sometimes a healer, and Incacha had passed the way of the Shaman on to the young man. Secretly, he'd been relieved that Blair had turned down the badge. He would have hated to see the man he loved change into a stranger.

Finally, he managed to make his way over to the phone. He still swayed on his feet, but his hand was steady when he dialed Blair's cell phone number. Waiting impatiently for Blair to answer the call, he leaned heavily against the wall. "Come on, Blair… Answer!" He flinched and tremors shook his voice. Why was he suddenly so concerned about Blair? Sandburg could take care of himself. His partner had proven that time and time again!

Blair didn't answer the phone and he gave up. Where was Blair? Hadn't his partner mentioned that he was going for a job interview? But he hadn't been listening, too focused on planning the perfect dinner. He'd even decided to make one of Blair's favorite Italian dishes. Shit, he couldn't remember! Blair had told him, but he couldn't remember! Panic set in and he paced the kitchen, staying close to the phone. Never before had he experienced such anxiety, not even when his senses had come back online. All he could think about was Blair!

Eventually, he sank down on the couch. Jim felt the zone-out sneak up on him, but couldn't fight it… And for some reason he didn't want to fight it. He let his senses take over and the zone-out immobilized him.

*

"Why now?" Simon climbed the stairs to the loft. The lift was out of order and he was actually grateful for that. It gave him time to prepare the bad news speech he had to deliver to his detective. Every step he climbed wore him down mentally. Getting closer to the front door he wished he didn't have to do this, but as Jim's captain it was his duty to deliver this bad news personally. If only he knew how Jim would react. The man could shut down or go berserk. Simon didn't know what frightened him more.

He gathered his courage and knocked. It didn't happen often that Jim let him knock. Usually the Sentinel opened the door before he had a chance to knock and it always irritated the hell out of him. Why had Jim let him knock this time? Had the Sentinel not detected him yet? Why didn't he believe that? The last four years he'd learned how far Jim's senses reached.

Pushing against the door, he was surprised when it opened. Why hadn't Jim locked it? Apprehensively, he stepped into the loft. The first thing he noticed was Jim sitting on the sofa. Jim still had a towel in his hands as if he'd had been drying off his hands, which struck Simon as odd. Carefully, he made his way over to the couch. "Jim?" As he sat down next to his friend, he recognized the distant expression in Jim's eyes. "Jim, don't do this!" He felt at a loss. This was obviously a zone-out and he'd never paid much attention to what Blair did to pull Jim out of it.

Blair… Simon pushed away the pain and focused on his detective. "Jim, wake up!" He shook Jim's shoulders and continued to repeat the order. After long minutes Jim finally blinked his eyes. Relieved, Simon released his grip on the Sentinel. "Jim, what happened?"

Jim stared at his friend and captain. "Simon? Why are you here?" Suddenly, he noticed the expression on Simon's face.

"Jim, there's something you need to know." Simon didn't know how to break the news to Jim. Although he'd had countless of these conversations he felt lost now.

"It's Blair," Jim said in a steadfast tone. His hands trembled and his breath came in spurts.

"I'm sorry, Jim." Simon rested a soothing hand on Jim's shoulder. "Blair got in the middle of a hostage situation. The perps were robbing a bank when an elderly security guard decided to take the perps down. During the fire fight, Blair shielded a young girl with his body and the bullet hit him instead of the girl. Blair didn't suffer. He was dead on impact."

"No…" The tiny word was a whimper, and shocked, Jim averted his eyes. His instincts told him that Simon was telling him the truth. He'd felt how that bullet had entered Blair's body when it'd happened. "Was he shot in the heart?"

"Yes," Simon confirmed calmly, accepting Jim's knowledge of the point of entry. There had always been a mysterious connection between Jim and Blair. "I'll miss him."

Moving mechanically, Jim got to his feet and headed for the kitchen table. "I wanted to tell him tonight."

"Tell him what?" Simon followed Jim, alarmed at the empty look on his friend's face. It was like all life had been drained from the Sentinel.

"Tell him I was sorry for not talking things through. That I was sorry for not being there when he needed me. I never wanted to kick him out and I…"

Simon wrapped an arm around Jim's shoulder and waited patiently, hoping Jim wouldn't keep everything inside.

"I wanted to tell Blair I love him." Jim's tone dropped and he stared at the set table. This evening would never happen. "Why didn't I try harder? Why didn't I have the courage to tell him?"

"Jim, you're not thinking rationally. You're in shock and in need of rest. Come on, lie down on the couch." Simon tried to steer Jim back to the sofa, but Jim was unmovable. He'd been afraid that Jim would react like this. That Jim would retreat and prefer seclusion above company. It was like the Sentinel was shutting down. "Jim, can you hear me?"

Yes, he heard Simon, but he didn't want to acknowledge that. Blair was dead; had been shut in the heart and he'd felt the impact. His life was over. Without Blair life wasn't worth living. Being a Sentinel was now only a burden; a curse and he wished that his senses would go offline. But they didn't and no matter how far down he dialed them, he still sensed Simon's accelerated heartbeat, his unsteady breathing.

"Jim, let's talk about this." Simon watched as Jim retreated within himself, unable to stop his detective. When Blair had drowned he'd seen the brief emptiness in Jim's eyes and it had only cleared when Blair had sucked in his first breath. Now that emptiness was back.

"Where's Blair now?"

Jim's words were bereft of any emotion and a chill crept up Simon's spine. "He's on his way to the morgue."

"I want to see him!" Jim stated firmly and locked eyes with Simon. "I need to see him!"

Simon sighed, but knew he couldn't deny his friend. "Are you sure, Jim?" The certainty that Blair was dead would hit Jim when he stood next to his friend's dead body.

"Yes, I am," Jim said resolved. He had to see Blair once more so he could say his goodbyes.

Simon tightened the hold he had on Jim's shoulder, squeezing it gently. "We'll do this together, Jim."

"No, I've got to do this on my own." Jim didn't shake off the comforting hand. He never realized it was there.

*

"Do it," Jim said in an icy tone that mirrored the chill of the morgue. Simon and he stood next the exam table that held Blair's dead body. On his way over to the morgue, he had tried to mentally prepare himself for the shock of seeing Blair's corpse, but now that he stood here waiting, he knew nothing could have prepared him for facing his dead friend.

Simon drew in a deep breath and pulled at the sheet. He hadn't seen Blair's body either and this was also hard on him. He'd grown to like the kid.

"Oh no," Jim whimpered, as Blair's frozen, white face was revealed. Blair's eyes were closed, the magnificent blue orbs gone forever. The locks framed a handsome, but motionless face. "No, I brought you back!" Jim exploded with pent up emotion. He'd tried so hard to stay in control, but as he looked upon his dead friend's face he released his pain and anger. Jim raised a trembling hand and placed it on Blair's cold brow. "This is so wrong. You should be rambling, gesturing wildly, moving around frantically." This still person wasn't his friend. It was just a shell. The spirit was gone. He dialed up his senses, desperately trying to find a last remnant of warmth in Blair's body. As his sensitive fingertips traced the etched lines on Blair's brow, he grew quiet. His partner was gone. His Blair was dead.

"He saved the girl's life," Simon said in an effort to comfort his friend.

"I'm sorry, Blair," Jim whispered and leaned forward to brush Blair's forehead with his lips. "I should have told you I loved you when I realized that our friendship had changed into love."

"He'll continue to live in our hearts," Simon said tenderly. "He was a good man."

"How can I go on without him? Life will just be about surviving the day. No one will be waiting at home for me. Stakeouts will be lonely without his chatter and typing."

"You can't give up, Jim. The kid would want you to carry on." Simon sensed that he was losing his friend, losing the detective and Sentinel. The man that lay in front of them had been Jim's salvation years ago. Simon doubted Jim could make it a second time. Not on his own, not without Blair Sandburg… not without Blair's love.

"Jim, you know he loved you too, don't you?" Simon said cautiously, uncertain how much more Jim could take.

"Yes, I know that… he stalled on his thesis because he was afraid his ride along privileges would be pulled." Jim remembered all the times Blair had come through for him. "He even sacrificed his professional career for me."

"And you never said anything? Let him believe that you weren't interested?"

Jim caressed the cold skin with his fingers, stroked back the auburn curls. "He'd already given up so much for me, Simon. I didn't want to tie him down. I wanted him to be happy, meet a nice girl, have kids, all the things I never had."

Simon covered Blair's face with the sheet again and steered Jim away from the corpse. "Regrets can kill a man," he warned Jim.

"I'm already dead inside," Jim whispered crestfallen. "Take me home?"

"Sure, Jim." Simon's mind was already set. He would stay with Jim as long as necessary and when he had to leave Joel, Megan, Brown or Rafe would take over and watch Jim Ellison.

*

"Simon? There has to be something we can do," Joel said concerned. He'd arrived two hours ago. Simon hadn't left Jim's side since he'd delivered the bad news. Eighteen hours had past since that fateful event.

"I don't know what, Joel. Blair was the only one who knew how to pull Jim out of these zone-outs." Truly worried, he studied Jim, who sat motionless on the couch. When they'd arrived at the loft, Jim had sat down and turned to stone. The Sentinel didn't speak or move.

"Do you think we'll lose Jim too?" Joel had been afraid to speak aloud. He'd cared greatly for Blair and seeing Jim slowly die was painful.

"Jim has to find the will to pull through." Simon shook his head. "And right now that will's gone. Can you stay with him? I need to drop by at home and at the station."

"You look like you need a hot bath, food and sleep," Joel commented honestly. "Go ahead, I'll stay."

Simon walked over to Jim, hoping the detective would somehow wake up from this zone-out. But he feared they'd lost Jim Ellison forever. "Don't give up, Jim."

Joel closed the door behind Simon and joined Jim in the living room. "Why don't you lie down, Jim?" He raised Jim's legs and made him lie down. "You can do this, Jim. You can pull through. It's what Blair would have wanted." But Jim remained silent and, discouraged, Joel retreated into the kitchen to make some coffee.

*

It was almost midnight and Joel checked one more time on Jim. Earlier that evening Brown had been here and together they'd hauled Jim up into the loft bedroom. Jim was in his bed, but Joel's hope that his friend would get some decent sleep had fled. Jim's eyes were still open and Joel noticed the unshed tears, hiding in those blue eyes. Giving his friend some privacy, Joel sneaked back downstairs and stretched out on the couch. He would stay the night and Rafe would relieve him in the morning. Joel closed his eyes and tried to get some sleep.

*

Upstairs in the loft bedroom, Jim shifted slightly in the bed. He floated between sleep and waking, constantly balancing on the edge. The zone-out had passed, but he didn't want to face reality and secretly hoped for another zone-out. He felt mentally exhausted and simply didn't have the strength to go on, not without Blair.

I'll meet you in the next life, I promise you…

The words cut through the silence and made the hairs at the back of his neck stand rigid. That voice, that tone… he would always recognize it. "Blair?"

I'll wait till then… I promise you…

"Blair?" Jim suddenly sat upright in the bed, eagerly dialing up his senses. If Blair were here, his senses would tell him. "Is that you, baby?"

We'll be together… I promise you…

"Blair!" Tears came and flowed down his face. "Are you here?" He scanned the loft bedroom, searching for proof that he wasn't going insane. The air in the room shifted and suddenly a warm breeze passed through him. He closed his eyes, savouring the familiar scent, feeling the loved heartbeat. A strand of hair brushed against his shoulder and when he opened his eyes, he stared into burning blue orbs. Sitting on the side of his bed was Blair, dressed in the clothes he'd worn when he'd left the loft that dreadful day. Blair was whole and his eyes alive; his heart pumped blood through the veins and those lips moved closer… until they rested against his.

"Am I losing my mind?" Jim's voice shook with emotion as he reached out to finger a lock of Blair's hair, which felt awfully real.

"No, you're not, Jim," Blair said affectionately. "I had to see you one last time and promise you something." His fingers tenderly stroked Jim's cheek and wiped away the tears. "I'm sorry that I had to leave you behind. I didn't get the time to consider my actions. I had to save that little girl."

"I know, Chief… I know you didn't have a choice," Jim finally choked out. "But my life's so lonely without you… so empty."

"You can't give up, Jim, do you hear me?" Blair clutched Jim's head in his hands. "You're the Sentinel of the Great City. You need to protect the tribe!"

"But how do I do that without you? Without my partner?" Jim couldn't break away from Blair's stare, which held him prisoner. He wanted to drown in those eyes and never wake up again.

"Do you love me, Jim?" Blair already knew the answer. It was in Jim's eyes, which had held never before such expression.

"Oh God, yes I do!" Jim slid his hands over Blair's shoulders and throat, caressing the skin there. "I wanted to tell you how I felt during dinner."

"I know, Jim. I always did." Blair's eyes sparkled. "And because you love me I'll always be in your heart. You'll never be alone. I'll always be there with you, every step of the way."

"Do you love me?" Jim asked, imprinting every smell, touch and sound that made up Blair Sandburg.

"I love you, Jim… love you so much that I promise to wait for you… we'll meet again and then we'll be together…"

The love that radiated from Blair's eyes took Jim aback. "There'll be a next life?"

"Oh yes… Jim," Blair assured him. "But hopefully it will be many years before you find out firsthand."

"I don't want to go on without you, baby."

"You never called me that when I was alive," Blair commented and softened the remark with a caress to Jim's lips. "I love it."

Sudden apprehension alarmed Jim.

"It's time for me to go, Jim." Blair leaned in closer and kissed Jim's lips. "Remember, you chose to be a Sentinel and I taught you how to control your senses. Use them well!"

Helplessly, Jim watched as Blair's form faded beneath his hands. "Don't go!"

"I'll wait for you… I promise you."

Blair's words offered little consolation. Jim turned onto his stomach and let the pillow smother his sobbing.

*

Five years later

The ER seemed chaotic, but the team worked with practised precision to save the life of James Ellison. Jim had been brought in with multiple gunshot wounds. An alarming amount of blood loss cut down his chances of survival. While doctors and nurses fought to keep Jim Ellison alive, Simon and Megan Banks paced the waiting area.

"Do you think he'll make it?" Megan looked hopefully at Simon. They'd become lovers four years ago and last year they had gotten married. Jim had been best man.

"Jim doesn't have much fight left in him," Simon said, saddened.

"He never recovered from Blair's death," Megan realized. Yes, Jim had accepted all invitations to poker nights, had gone to Jag games with the gang, but his eyes had always been empty. Blair had taken their sparkle into his grave. Jim had never fallen in love again and every year he'd visited Blair's grave and had placed a single red rose on the headstone. Megan remembered Jim's watered eyes when the detective had whispered barely intelligible words.

"Do you know what day it is?" Simon sat down and looked at his wife. She made him happy and gave purpose to his life.

"Sandy died five years ago… this very day." Megan bit her lip. "We're going to lose him."

Simon nodded his head. "We can't force him to stay. Only Sandburg had that power." Blair had taken Jim's soul with him.

An elderly doctor entered the waiting area. "Mr. and Mrs. Banks?"

"Yes," Simon replied and he pulled Megan close, giving support and receiving it at the same time.

"We did our best, but… the injuries are too severe," the doctor informed them. "His organs will give in any moment now. The damage was too massive. We wanted to put him on a ventilator but his living will prevents us from doing that. Jim Ellison's dying. Do you want to see him one last time?"

"My God," Megan whimpered, allowing her tears to break to the surface. Losing two good friends in five years was just too much.

"Yes, we want to see him." Simon drew in a deep breath, knowing he had to be strong for Megan.

They followed the doctor into the private room. Jim was hooked up to several machines, but his eyes were open. His breathing was ragged and shallow.

"Si…mon?" Jim slowly cocked his head. The doctor had filled him in on his situation and he knew his time was limited.

"Megan…" His best friends were here when he needed them most.

Megan wiped away her tears, but new ones appeared instantly. "Jimbo, I don't want to lose you."

"It's okay… Megan," Jim whispered. His words were barely more than a whisper, but strong enough to be heard. "I want this…"

"You want to die?" Simon raised an eyebrow. Barely reigning in his anger, he looked at the battered body of his detective

"Blair's waiting…" Jim smiled softly. "He promised he'd wait."

"Oh, Jim." Acting on impulse, Megan took hold of Jim's cold hand. "You always loved him…"

"I did." Jim had never admitted this to her before. Simon had known since that dreadful evening, but the words needed to be spoken before he left this life. "I love Blair."

A sharp beep coming from the monitor alerted the medical team and they stormed inside. Jim's heart had stopped beating and they placed the paddles on Jim's chest, ready to charge them. They tried once, twice, and then the doctor stopped his efforts to resuscitate Jim Ellison. The detective's organs had stopped working.

"Time of death… 22.23," the doctor said and a nurse wrote it down.

"Can we have one more minute?" Megan asked.

The doctor nodded his head and except for Megan and Simon everyone left the room. Megan claimed Jim's right hand again. "Simon, it almost looks like he's smiling."

"Let's hope they're happy now." Simon wrapped an arm around his wife.

"I hope so," Megan sobbed softly as Simon led her into the corridor. "They deserve to be happy."

*

"Blair? What are we doing here?" He accepted Blair's presence beside him, like he'd accepted his partner's love five years ago. They stood in the corner of his room and Megan and Simon stood at the foot end of the bed. Megan was crying and Simon guided her into the corridor.

"You died, Jim. I guess you're not as invincible as you thought!" Blair quipped happily as he folded one arm around Jim's waist. "I love that medical gown… offers me a splendid view of your ass!"

Jim cringed. "Don't tell me ghosts can be horny!"

"I've waited five5 years for you," Blair said softly. "I can't help being horny!"

"Blair, what's going to happen now?" His eyes devoured Blair's body.

"We're going on to the next life… You'll be a Sentinel," Blair explained in a soft tone.

Jim sighed blissfully hearing that familiar tone. "And you'll be my guide?"

"And this time we'll be together. I promised you, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did." Blair tightened his hold on his lover and pulled him close for a kiss. "And I promise to always love you."

"So do I…"

The end.
May 2001