Author: Uris

Title: Hospital Room

Series: The Sentinel

Pairing: Jim/ Blair

Rating: PG

Beta: Athena

Summary/challenge: Amnesia

Archive: Yes

Warning: lots of swarm, mushy stuff ( I know that isn't like me, but what can I say)

Part of the Cliché Fuh-Q-Fest at http://www.kardasi.com/Cliched/index.htm

Feedback address uris@fateordestiny.com


Hospital Room
by Uris

I woke up in the hospital room. My two favorite visitors are Sam and Jim. Nurse Helen says I can walk around the hospital as long as I remember to come back to my room. I usually go to the volunteer office to skim the book cart. I receive a newspaper each day, but I have to get the books myself.

My friend Jim made the paper when he took Golden off the street and put the bad guys who were trying to distribute the stuff in jail. The first time I met Jim, he held my hand a lot and cried. I asked him, "What's wrong?"

"I'm happy to see you," he said.

"I'm happy to see you, too." I told him. I like getting visitors when the nurses are busy with other patients. I like reading, but the book selections at the hospital aren't very good.

"Blair, you don't remember me."

Blair is my name. Nurse Helen Miller told me my name is Blair Sandburg and I'm a graduate student at the University. "I don't remember Margaret or Simon either, but I like getting visits." I didn't think it was a good idea to tell him about Sam. Sam says she's my girl and I could tell from the way Jim looked at me that he was in love with me.

"I'm going to talk to the doctor about taking you home."

"I live with you?" Lots of college students have roommates, but Jim isn't a college student. He's a cop, a police detective. Helen told me and I read about him in the paper. Jim was gorgeous and the thought that we're together made my heartbeat faster. Why was I dating Sam if I was living with a handsome man that made my heart swell?

"We've been living together for over a year." Jim touched my cheek with his open hand and smiled at me.

I wanted to remember loving this detective that I could bring to tears by smiling. "Whom did I live with before then?" I asked. I didn't want to cry because I couldn't remember loving someone that loved me so much.

"Larry." Jim smiled; he had a beautiful smile. "He's a monkey."

"Do I normally live with monkeys?" I returned the smile.

"I don't know. You once told me that you were going to give up your Sentinel research and study non-human primate societies in Gombe. You said that baboons and chimps were more civilized."

The word "sentinel" sounded familiar to me. Sentinels were lookouts, watchman. Simon is also a cop and Sam is a forensic scientist. I must have been researching police. "Jim, can you bring my books and notes?" My computer would also help, but I didn't know my password. "Maybe, reading my own notes will help me remember. Anthropologists write everything down; they are compulsive note takers. I must have journals."

"I'll bring them next time that I visit."

"Thanks. Are we roommates because we want to be or did one of us write an ad asking for a roommate?" I asked. I hoped I moved in with him because we had dated. It was apparent that Jim found me attractive and had trouble keeping his hands to himself.

"We knew each other before becoming roommates."

I screamed, 'Yes," in my head. Trying not to show my excitement, I took a slow deep breath. I hoped that I was sharing a bed with this gorgeous man. "Did you let me move in because it would help with my sentinel research?"

"You needed a place to stay and hotels don't take monkeys," said Jim.

"Does Larry still live with us?"

"No." Jim laughed.

"Did I say something funny?" I smiled at Jim and put my hand on his. "Why am I staying with you?" I didn't want to ask him directly if we shared a bed, but Jim looked like he was showing restraint by not taking me in his arms and covering me in kisses, not that I would mind one bit.

"Because you grow on a person like Athlete's Foot." Jim muffed my hair. "You go back to your reading and I'm going to talk to your doctor about
springing you from this place."

"OK. I'll read my book."

Jim kissed my forehead before leaving. I was reading A Wrinkle in Time, by Madeleine L'Engle. I probably read it as a child, but I don't remember my childhood. The adult books on the book cart are romances, westerns and a couple Dean Koontz novels and a few Stephen King. The Stephen King novels are huge. I don't know if I have the memory for that. Something about the way Jim spoke to me makes me believe he visited before.

Sam visited later. I smiled at her because I remembered our last visit, but she didn't make me feel warm inside like Jim did. Sam is a tall woman with long black hair. She was an attractive woman, but she doesn't make me feel the way that Jim does. Sam hugged me. "Blair, how are you?"

"Good," I told her. "Jim is talking to the doctors about taking me home. Are you still my best girl?"

"I sure am." Sam continued to me hug me, but her arms felt limp around me.

"Jim is going to bring my notes to the hospital. I live with a cop and date you. I'm researching police officers."

"Police as a culture," said Sam. "You're an anthropologist. You study culture and society."

"It sounds like I went native."

Sam sat on a chair. "Blair, you aren't a cop."

"Did I do something wrong?" I climbed into my bed and sat up.

"No, we made love. I thought what we had was special and you don't remember any of it."

"I don't remember my parents, either. Why haven't my mom and dad visited?"

"Blair, you don't have a dad and we're trying to reach your mom. She's on a spiritual retreat, no phones. We should hear something today."

"Sam, I want to remember." I got out of my bed and put on my slippers. "Let's go for a walk. I can go outside as long as I have an escort. Nurse Helen doesn't want me getting lost." I had on jeans, a tee shirt and a flannel shirt. Nurse Marla, the morning nurse, said that I should get in the habit of getting dressed.

"Blair, if we're going to go outside, you should wear your Nikes and not your teddy bear slippers."

I removed my slippers, took my socks from the drawer, and got my sneakers from the closet. I tried to tie my shoes, but the bows wouldn't stay.

We walked across the hospital parking and about a block to the nearest drug store. The world outside the hospital seemed familiar to me. I liked the feeling of sun on my face. The glaring light through the hospital windows wasn't the same. Sam held my hand while we walked.

"You don't sound like my Blair," said Sam.

"Did Jim visit before?" I asked.

"Probably while you were sleeping. He's busy with the Golden case."

"We should head back," I said, standing on the pavement in front of the drugstore.

"Why don't we go in? I'll buy you a candy bar."

"Sure." I found out I liked Snickers bar. We went to my room and Sam told the nurse, not Helen or Marla, that we were back.

Sam kissed me on the cheek. "I'll visit later."

Jim came back empty handed. "Chief, you can go home tomorrow morning."

"Did Simon reach my mother?"

"No, but she was contacted." Jim gave me an odd look.

"Simon and Mom don't like each other."

"You can say that. Your mom didn't like you working at the police station; she thought it was too dangerous. Simon told her off."

"That couldn't have gone over well."

"Do you remember something about mother? Early memories return first." Jim took my hand.

I thought a second. "She has red hair. I remember hugging her knees." She was going somewhere and I didn't want her to go. I must have been a small child.

"Honey, when you get home and read your notes, you'll remember more things. Your mother will be here tonight. Do you want me to stay or do you want face her alone?" Jim stroked my arm.

I didn't want to sound like I was a baby. "Can you stay?"

"I wouldn't ask otherwise. Talking to your neurologist was exhausting. She thinks you should go to rehabilitation hospital, but she doesn't sound like they can do anything I can't do at a home. All her doubletalk tired me out. While I'm getting coffee, do you want anything?"

"Orange juice."

"You can get OJ on the ward. I'll walk you over to the fridge."

I remember my mom playing cards with her friends while I played on the floor with Matchbox cars. She was talking on the phone. The white phone
had a long extension cord that twisted on itself. I recalled her walking around the downstairs, unwrapping that long cord, talking to her friends.

"You're remembering more stuff." Jim walked over to the nurses' station. "Blair and I are going to the snack bar."

"You can't take Mr. Sandburg off the ward," said the nurse.

"I have Mr. Sandburg's medical power of attorney. I can take him whenever I want," Jim said.

"Mr. Sandburg was brought here because of a drug overdose," the nurse said, looking at my chart.

After unclenching his jaw, Jim said, "Mr. Sandburg was poisoned. How dare you treat him like a drug user."

"Patients aren't suppose to be leaving the ward," said the nurse.

I didn't like her blaming Jim. "Nurse Helen said that I could walk around."

The nurse stared at the chart. "That's against hospital procedure."

"Mr. Sandburg is going to the snack bar with me," Jim stated. "And you can stick your hospital procedures."

We got a booth by the window. All I could see where cars entering and leaving the hospital parking lot. Jim would be driving me home tomorrow. I wondered if he had a car or a truck. The article with his picture said that he wrecked Captain Banks' car chasing Jacobs. The article also said that he had been temporarily blinded by Golden, so I shouldn't worry about his ability to drive us home. He did drive here without a problem.

Margaret showed me Jim's picture, so she must have thought he was a good person. I wondered what a grad student did. I had a masters so I didn't
attend class. Did the school pay me to observe police officers and write my findings? I needed to read my notes.

I drank my orange juice as Jim drank his coffee. The hospital sold OJ in small plastic cups with aluminum foils covers. Jim bought me two.

"Penny for your thoughts?" said Jim.

"I don't have thoughts." I sighed. "I'm a blank slate."

Jim gave me a big smile. "I'm sure that you have thoughts."

"I'm watching the cars go by and wondering where they are going. I don't know if we live in a house or an apartment." I drank one of my cups of juice.

"We live in a loft. It's like an apartment, but it use to be a warehouse so it has higher ceilings." Jim drank some coffee. "You aren't a blank slate. You picked the book you were reading out of the all the books on the cart."

"Stephen King and Dean Koontz write too many words. I'm not going to read a romance. A Wrinkle in Time had something to do with tesseracts That had to be better than some story about growing up."

"Sounds like you put some thought into it. Some stories about growing are pretty good. To Kill a Mocking Bird and Catching in the Rye don't suck."

"I'll have to read them."

"I'm sure that you have already."

I finished my juice.

"Let's head back." Jim drank the rest of his coffee. "Are you ready to face your mother?" Jim sat in the room while I continued to read my book. He fell asleep in his chair before a tall redhead came into my room. Jim woke with a start. "What?" he grunted.

She walked over to my bed. She didn't have a uniform on so she wasn't a nurse and social workers and psychologists have nametags.

I put my bookmark into my book before closing it. "Hello, Ma'am," I said.

"You don't know me," said the woman.

"Are you a social worker?" I asked.

The woman had tears in her eyes. "Sweetie, I'm your mother."

Jim said, "Blair has amnesia."

"I'm his mother," said the slender woman who looked too young to be the woman on the phone and playing cards.

"The world doesn't revolve around Naomi Sandburg," said Jim.

"Mom's upset," I said.

"It took us nearly a week to find you," said Jim. "You could have waited until Blair was settled into the loft before visiting."

"Jim, I don't mind." I sat on my bed and raised the head of the bed a bit more.

"Do the doctors think he'll get his memory back?" she asked.

"Mom, talk to me," I said. "I'm not deaf."

"Jim, could you leave us alone?" my mom asked.

"Blair wants me here," said Jim.

"You can go," I said.

Jim walked toward the door. "If you need me, hit the button for the nurse."

"I'll be fine." I got off the bed and hugged him.

"I'll be just outside the door," Jim said before walking out of the room and closing the door.

"Mom, I wish I could remember more. I remember playing with my Matchbox cars while you played with your friends and talked on the phone." I got back in my bed.

"We did things together."

"I remember holding onto your legs asking you not to go."

"I needed to work."

"I don't blame you."

"You hugged Jim," she said.

"He doesn't judge me. Sam wants me to be her boyfriend. You want me to be your son. I don't remember being either."

"Jim wants something, too."

"To love me. He loves me without conditions whether I remember or not."

"Are you sure of that?" my mother questioned.

"He's sitting outside the door. Ask him."

"Sweetie, I knew working at the police station was dangerous." Naomi had this concerned mother look on her face.

"And working in the Amazon isn't?" I asked.

"You remember working in the Amazon." My mother's face lit up.

"No. Margaret told me I went up the Amazon on a raft. I'm an anthropologist. I study different societies. No one ate the pizza but me. Margaret says that I confused police society with college society." I can't wait to get into my notes and read about all the places that I've seen. I'm not the type of person to sit behind a desk.

"Blair, you get your wanderlust from me."

"I told Jim that I look at the cars and wonder where they are going. Mom, I'm going home tomorrow."

"That's nice, dear."

I touched the nurses' station button like Jim told me. Mom was getting on my nerves. Jim came through the door.

"Do you need anything?" asked Helen, the night nurse.

"No, Jim told me to push the button if Mom upset me. Jim's here."

Jim said, "I can handle Miss Sandburg."

The com went dead.

"You didn't have to embarrass me like that," said Mom.

Jim showed her his fingers with less than an inch of space between. "I'm this close to throwing you out. If I wasn't a cop, the nurse would have had security escort you out."

"I'm his mother." Naomi sat on her chair.

"I don't want to hear it," Jim said. "I was the one who sat by his bed when the doctors didn't know if he would live or die. You couldn't be located for three days. When we knew where you were, it took a tracker another day and half to find you."

"I'm here now," Naomi said.

"Mom, you better leave." I got out of the bed to hug Mom. She wrapped her arms around me and kissed me on the lips. Yuck. She was my mother, all right.

"You should come home with me. Jim isn't your mother."

"Where do you live?" Jim looked at Naomi.

"I can rent us an apartment," said Mom.

"Blair has a home. He doesn't need to be uprooted. Being in his home with his stuff will help him remember."

"Why don't you stay with us a few days?" I suggested. "Mom, you can teach me how tie my shoes."

"Sweetie, what you do want?" Mom asked.

"I would like you to stay with us a few days." I grabbed hold of Jim's hand. "I live with Jim and you'll have to accept that." I wondered if I was ashamed of my relationship with Jim and that is why I slept with Sam. I didn't feel anything for her and each time Jim came into the room, I was overflowing with emotion.

"I'm going back to my hotel," Naomi said and walked out of the hospital room.

I looked at the tall handsome man standing near me. He reached over and caressed my hair. I got on my toes and wrapped my arms around him and planted a kiss on his lips. Jim kissed me closed mouth and briefly. I felt heart-broken; I wanted to kiss him and all he gave me was a lousy peck on the lips. I returned to the bed and buried my head in the pillow.

"Honey, let's get you back home. We need to take our time." Jim stroked my arm.

"I want to be the same person that you love." I looked up at him and smiled. "Did I make a mistake inviting her to stay with us?"

"No, honey. She's your mother. She can help you relearn anything you forgot." Jim sat on the edge of my bed.

I sit up next to him and stroked his face. "I can't wait to sleep with you tomorrow night." I didn't mean necessarily sleep. I didn't recall anything about our sex life, but I'm sure once we started kissing the mechanics would come back to me. If I couldn't remember, I had no problem with letting my man take the lead. The idea of Jim laying me down and covering me with his body was making me hard. "I need you to kiss me."

"I don't think we should have sex until you get your memory back." Jim's voice was soothing like he was talking to a small child.

I was his lover and I didn't want to be babied. "I want you now," I whispered. "Snuggle with me. Nurse Helen won't mind."

---

The nurse pushed me in a wheelchair to the front of the hospital. Jim helped me up and opened the door for me. I got into the truck and looked out the window as we left the hospital. I looked at the road hoping that something would be familiar.

Jim parked in front of the bakery. The bakery looked familiar, but it wasn't a clear memory. As he opened the door to the loft, I felt like I was stepping into a stranger's house. I looked up at the bedroom about the railing. Jim led me to a room partitioned by a curtain. I sat on the futon; the room was filed with textbooks, notebooks, and artifacts making it look like an anthropologist's office. Jim took my hand and sat beside me. "Blair, this is your room."

I put my hand over Jim's hand and made good eye contact. "My mom should sleep here so she doesn't have to spend money on a hotel. I can sleep upstairs like I always do."

Jim put his hand against my face. "Chief, we aren't together."

I looked at him confused. I couldn't have read the signals wrong. I found him attractive; he found me attractive. I loved him and he definitely loved me. "I don't understand."

"Read your notes." Jim stood up and walked away so he wasn't facing me.

"Jim, don't you love me?" I wasn't the type to cry, but I felt hurt and confused like I would shatter at any moment.

"Blair, honey, I love you more than life."

I stood up and hugged him pressing my head against his shoulder. "We aren't sleeping together?"

Jim rubbed circles on my back. "I suggested it but you wanted to keep a professional distance. You're studying me."

"I'm a fool then." I kissed Jim's neck. "You're gorgeous." I held Jim tightly. God, did he feel good in my arms.

"Blair, Simon needs me to go to work. Can you manage?" Jim looked into my eyes.

"If you kiss me good-bye." I stood on my toes so our lips would meet without him bending down.

Jim kissed my cheek. "Honey." Jim pulled out of my arms, opened his wallet and handed me a ten. "This is for the bakery. Your key is in the basket near the door."

"Thanks." I put the ten in my pocket.

"Chief, read your notes." Jim stepped away.

"Can I jump your bones after I read my notes?" I asked.

"I won't stop you." Jim kissed my palm.

"I need more than butterfly kisses." I looked up at him and parted my lips.

"I need to get to work." Jim pulled the curtain between us. In a few moments, I heard the door open and close.

I lied on the bed and sobbed. After wiping my tears, I opened the journal on the top of the pile and read that Jim had insisted that all he did on his date with Margaret was whistle like a bat. He needed to prove that he was faithful to me. I was with Sam that night so I didn't return the favor. I hated the person that wrote that journal. Jim deserved someone that loved him as much as he loved me. I looked at my older notes. I didn't want to be in love with him; Jim was my test subject. I couldn't date Sam again. Jim needed my complete devotion.

---

My mother arrived with her bags. "Mom, you can sleep in my office."

"Where will you sleep?" she asked.

"With my husband," I said.

"Do you remember?" she asked.

"Not everything, but it's coming back. I hate myself for the way that I've treated the love of my life," I said. "Mom, just because you went from man to man doesn't mean I have to."

"I hit on Jim the last time I visited," Naomi said.

"I'm sure he was flattered."

"We talked about you. He loves you."

"I know. I've treated him as a test subject. I hope he can forgive me."

"He will."


END