Title: Home to stay

Author/ pseudonym: Morgana.

Fandom: The Sentinel.

Parings: Blair/Jim.

Rating: NC-17

Status: finished.

Category: romance. Episode related, the debt and siege.

Archive: Yes, just drop me a note telling me where you're archiving it.

E-mail address for feedback: morganalbeau@yahoo.com

Series/Sequel: stand-alone.

Disclaimer: The Sentinel is a creation by Danny Bilson and Paul DeMeo and belongs to Paramount Pictures, Pet Fly Productions & UPN.

Summary; Blair's home is blown up and he moves into the loft for a week. Jim doesn't know how he feels about having Sandburg for a roommate.

Spoilers: up to season 1. The debt.

Notes: //… // depicts thoughts.

They arrived home at the crack of dawn and Jim helped Blair carry his stuff inside. Larry, the Barbary ape, had fallen asleep in Blair's arms and didn't stir when the two men walked inside.

Blair looked about. He'd been in the loft once before to pick Jim up for some tests he'd wanted to run, but now the place felt different. Maybe because this would be his home for one week. One week, he repeated privately. This time, he wouldn't overstay his welcome and lose a possible friendship.

"You can put your stuff in this spare room," Jim said and sighed. The spare room needed to be cleaned up first. He had been using it for storage and they had to move some boxes to the basement first. "I'll help you get the futon up."

"Thanks, man. I really appreciate it." Blair put Larry into the cage. The ape would stay in his room. "I'm really grateful here," he remarked softly.

"One week, Sandburg. One week!" Jim picked up one of the storage boxes and gestured Blair to help him. "You need some space here."

Blair followed him, trying to memorize the place. After a few trips down to the basement, the spare room looked reasonably empty. Blair went back to the car to retrieve the stuff he needed most, and put the boxes in his room. By the time he got back, Jim had already put up the futon. "Did you ever have a roommate before?" Blair asked curiously.

"No, and I don't plan on starting now." Jim regretted his harsh tone the moment the words left his lips. The young grad student had just lost his home and he wanted Blair to feel welcome. Trying to make up for it he asked, "Want some coffee? I've got to be at the station in 30 minutes."

"Thanks, but… I'd rather have some chamomile tea," Blair said apologetically. "I even brought my teakettle."

Jim shook his head. "Have it your way, Chief. I'm going to take a quick shower. You don’t have to come along to the station today. I'll be doing paperwork most of the day." He watched in silence as Blair hesitantly moved about in the kitchen, preparing his tea. "Grab yourself something to eat and make sure Larry stays in the cage."

Heading upstairs Jim wondered why he had ever agreed to let Sandburg stay here for a week. He grabbed a set of clean clothes, some towels and disappeared into the bathroom.

Blair watched the teakettle, hoping to bring it to the boil faster, which of course didn't work. He was having second thoughts about staying here for the week. Jim obviously was a very private person, and his presence was an invasion of that privacy. But he didn't have anyone to fall back on. He hadn't spoken to Naomi for months and his fellow teaching assistants didn't have enough room to let him stay.

He quickly peeked at Larry to make sure the ape was fine. Feeling curious, his eyes returned to scan the well-equipped kitchen. He loved to cook and man, Jim had everything he needed to prepare a mouth watering home cooked meal. Realizing he was getting carried away, he told himself to calm down. It was best not to touch Jim's things and simply stay in his room most of the time.

Growing up with a mother who didn't have a steady relationship he had quickly learned to make himself invisible whenever Naomi had a new boyfriend. Most of the time the guys she'd dated had tolerated him, but one or two had despised him.

All right, he had already decided on a tactic. //Stay out of Jim's face and make yourself useful.//

Jim found Blair like that, pensive and absent minded when he entered the kitchen to get his coffee. Blair's eyes were draped and he wondered what was bothering the grad student. Maybe he was worried about finding a new place? Hey, he wouldn't mind helping Blair move into a new apartment. He had tried to fight it, but he couldn't help liking the kid. "What are you going to do all day?"

Blair stirred from his musings and grabbed the teakettle to fill his mug with hot water. A moment later he relaxed, smelling the familiar aroma. "Try to finish my project. Then I can return Larry to Rainier and start finding a new place to stay." That wouldn't be easy. He didn't have a lot of money to spend on rent or new furniture.

"Okay, kid. I've got to go now. Don't expect me back until eight this evening. You know where to reach me." Jim emptied his cup of coffee, grabbed his coat and dashed into the corridor. But before closing the door behind him he looked back over his shoulder. Blair was waving goodbye and smiling at him. Something about that struck him as… right. Unwilling to think about it in depth he hurried to the garage and drove off to the precinct.

Blair moaned as the door slammed close behind Jim. What the hell had possessed him to beseech Jim to let him stay for a week? Now that the Sentinel was gone he really felt like an intruder. It didn't feel right to move about without Jim present.

Larry's shout alerted him and he fetched the cage, taking it with him into the living room. He better start that last stretch of his project right now and then return Larry to Rainier. Man, this was going to be a rough week.

///

Six hours later Blair experienced his first full-blown panic attack in over ten years. He'd had been watching 'The Wild Bunch', keeping Larry company when the ape had reached through the bars to get to the popcorn. He had opened the cage and Larry had seized his opportunity to regain his freedom. The ape had even tried to bite him. Then Larry had run amok in the loft, almost demolishing the place. Briefly, he'd hoped that Larry had been trapped upstairs, but the ape had escaped through the window that had been ajar.

Feeling ill at ease Blair shyly looked about. He was standing in Jim's bedroom and felt like he was invading the Sentinel's sanctuary. This was where Jim Ellison slept. His hand trembled as it moved over the sheets, imaging what it would be like to snuggle up to Jim.

Startled, he pulled back. Damn, he had to stop thinking like that! But it wasn't his fault that he was in love with the Sentinel. It had been love at first sight. When he had found Jim at the hospital he'd lost his heart to the detective. But he had to hide that love. If Jim Ellison found out, the cop would probably stop their working relationship. He couldn't allow that. The Sentinel needed to learn how to control his senses and Blair had the creepy suspicion he might be the only one who could teach Jim that control.

His heart missed a beat when he realized that the front door had opened. Shit, Jim was way too early! It was only 6 PM!

Jim stared at the mess that was the loft and pulled out his gun. Maybe someone had broken into his home and the burglars were still here. He had completely forgotten about his guest.

"All right, put your hands where I can see them, now!" No one messed with Jim Ellison. Picking up a frantic heartbeat he looked forward to arresting the burglar who had vandalized his home.

Panicking, Blair called out, "Jim, it's me. Don't shoot. Don't shoot, man." Looking down at the living room Blair realized Jim was aiming his gun at him. No way Jim was going to let him stay at the loft now that Larry had smashed it up.

Suddenly Jim remembered that he no longer lived alone. He had a roommate for one week. Blair Sandburg stood near the railing and he wondered what the grad student was doing in his bedroom! That section was definitely off limits!

"What the hell happened here?" In disbelief, Jim stared at the mess that surrounded him. He had left Sandburg alone for what…? Seven hours?

Steeling himself against an angry outburst Blair descended the stairs, trying hard to sound apologetic. He didn’t want to leave the loft. "Larry and I, we were watching The Wild Bunch, right? I opened the cage to give him some popcorn and he freaked out, tried to bite me. I thought I had him upstairs in the closet, but he gave me the slip." It was the truth, nothing but the truth, knowing darn well that Jim could tell if he was lying. His heartbeat and perspiration would give him away.

Jim picked up the phone and dialed. "He escaped," he summarized. Looking into Sandburg's eyes he knew the kid was telling him the truth. It had been an accident. But he smelled something else on Blair as well. It took him a moment to identify the smell. It was fear.

"Yeah," Blair mumbled miserably. This was it. Any moment now Jim would tell him to leave. Hell, he hadn't unpacked his stuff yet! He hated feeling like a loser. Jim had taken him in and he had screwed things up. Well, that wasn't something new. He was good at screwing things up.

"Oh, man, that's great." Still puzzled, Jim studied Blair's apologetic body language and then it hit him. Sandburg was scared. Scared because he expected to be told to leave and the grad student didn't have a place to stay.

"What are you doing?" Blair asked, wondering whom Jim was calling.

"I'm calling Animal Control. Yeah, Animal Control, please."

"No, Jim, you can't do that." Blair cringed. Animal Control wouldn't go easy on Larry when they found the escaped ape and he would lose his study subject.

"He could be dangerous if he tried to bite you," Jim reasoned, suddenly realizing that he was worried. A crazed ape could inflict some serious damage!

"No, he's not. He's not. He's just a little... he's high-strung. I mean, that's the television violence he's been watching. He must've snapped. If you turn him over to Animal Control, I'm not going to have enough time." And they will hurt him, Blair added privately. Why had he mentioned that Larry had tried to bite him? Maybe if he hadn't, Jim wouldn't be reacting like this.

"Well, you should have thought about it sooner. Now you'd better go find him, and first warn the neighbours. C'mon, out." Jim gestured his houseguest to start moving and then returned his attention to the Animal Control officer who had taken the call. "I'd like to report a lost Barbary ape. No. He's not a gorilla. He's an ape. Permit?" Questioningly, Jim looked up at Blair, who flinched.

Running away had become second nature and Blair quickly closed the door behind him. Before he could face Jim he had to seriously calm down and get his nervousness back under control.

///

When Blair returned a few minutes later, he found Jim already cleaning up the mess Larry had made. Blair remained near the doorway, uncertain how to proceed. He had expected to find his boxes in the corridor and Jim telling him to leave. But the cop was busy cleaning the living room and there was no trace of his stuff in the corridor. Did that mean that Jim was giving him a second chance? Hardly anyone had ever given him a second chance.

"I'm really sorry, man," Blair said honestly. "Larry really went berserk." He thought about asking Jim if he wanted help cleaning up the loft, but instead he simply walked up to the detective and started to help. He put the vids back next to the VCR and wished Jim would speak up so he'd know what was going on.

Jim peeked at the grad student, who had guilt written all over his face. Now that his initial anger had died he knew he couldn't stay mad with Blair. "It was an accident. You didn't know how Larry would react when you opened the cage. Lets clean this up and then have dinner." Jim caught the sigh that left Blair's lips.

"Does that mean I can stay for the rest of the week?" Blair asked, knowing darn well that Jim had only allowed him to stay because of Larry and his project. Now that Larry was gone nothing stopped Jim from kicking his sorry butt out of the loft. Blair didn't even know if he had enough money left to rent a room in a hostel or motel. It was the end of the month.

"Yeah, you can stay. I'll probably regret it, but…" Jim didn't finish his sentence. Blair was trying to help clean up the loft, but was putting things in the wrong places. "Do you cook, Sandburg?"

"Yes?" Blair's hand froze on the afghan that he was about to drape over the couch, although he had no idea if it belonged there.

"Why don't you prepare dinner? I'll finish up here." Jim felt tired and just wanted to drop dead on the couch. Instead, he had to clean up this mess.

Blair cast a glance at the kitchen, which had escaped Larry's attention. "Sure, I can cook."

"Then start cooking. I'm hungry. I don't know exactly what's in the fridge… just make sure it's edible."

"That's cool, man," Blair grinned, a little relieved. He didn't want to blow his own horn, but people had told him he cooked well. First he checked the cupboards, then the fridge and realized Jim had everything in order to make an Italian pasta dish. A friend had given him the recipe once and he had made it once or twice when he'd had a girl over.

Jim involuntarily listened to the soothing sounds coming from the kitchen. It had been a long time since he'd had someone in the loft like this. He'd been alone since Caroline had left. He hated to admit it, but it felt good to have some company.

As he finished putting everything back in place in the living room, he focused on the delicious smell coming from the kitchen. Damn, looked like Sandburg knew how to cook Italian food. He smelled garlic, basil and even a hint of lemon in the tomato sauce.

Looking about, he nodded his head. Order had been restored in his home and he joined Blair in the kitchen, trying to peek at the tomato sauce. Damn, this smelled divine! "What are you putting into it?"

"Family secret," Blair said jokingly. "Give me five more minutes and we can eat."

Jim automatically set the table and then headed upstairs to slip into some clean clothes. Looking down, he couldn't help but smile. Blair was obviously doing his best to make things up to him. Jim even listened to Blair's soft humming as the younger man drained the pasta. Well, maybe having a roommate wasn't so bad.

"Dinner is served," Blair announced formally and smiled. Jim's mellow response surprised him. He had at least expected a lecture, maybe even being yelled at and being told to leave. But so far, Jim seemed to forgive him.

Blair carried their full plates to the table and sat down, patiently waiting for Jim to join him. Glancing at the living room, he saw that Jim had done a great job. Everything was back in place.

Jim sat down opposite his guest and inhaled the fragrances, making sure he was dialing down his sense of smell and taste. Blair had taught him how to use the dials and he couldn't imagine living without them. Dialing his senses up and down kept him sane and he wondered how Blair had known it would work.

"Is it okay? Not too spicy?" Blair said, knowing how sensitive the Sentinel was. He didn't want to cause a zone out.

"It tastes great, Sandburg," Jim said eventually. "Any news about Larry?"

"No, I warned the neighbours, but they hadn't seen him either." Blair played with the pasta on his plate, not really hungry. His guilty conscience made it hard to enjoy dinner.

Jim however, didn't have that problem and the Sentinel was digging into the food.

"Come on, Chief. Eat!" Jim chided him, having noticed the lack of appetite. He knew what was causing it. "There was no harm done. Animal Control will catch Larry and you'll get an extension on your project."

"I'm sorry about the loft… the mess Larry made," Blair confessed. "I wanted to clean up before you got home, but you were early."

"Chief, it's okay." Jim repeated and got to his feet. "Want some wine with the pasta?"

"No, thanks," Blair whispered softly. He already felt bad for taking advantage of Jim by staying here.

Jim however, ignored the answer and poured two glasses of red wine. As he returned to the table, he placed one in front of Blair. "It might help calm you down," he said hesitantly, noticing the way Blair was fumbling the tablecloth.

Eventually, Blair gave in and sipped. "I can leave tomorrow afternoon," he offered and his heartbeat accelerated.

Jim picked up on the fast heartbeat and sat down again. "No, you can stay here."

Blair nodded his head. "Thanks. I would have understood if you had asked me to go."

//Go where?// Jim thought saddened. The grad student had no place to stay. "Let's do the dishes and watch some TV, all right? But the remote is mine!" Jim said in a friendly tone, making a peace offering.

Blair whispered, "Yes," and helped carry the plates back to the kitchen sink. They did the dishes in silence. Jim did the washing up and Blair the drying.

After they'd finished Jim picked up their glasses and placed them on the coffee table. As Blair joined him, he realized how much he loved all the different smells and scents floating through the loft. It had been so empty for so long.

Blair sat down on the other end of the couch, making sure he wasn't invading Jim's personal space. He still needed to grade some papers, but he could do that in the morning too. Jim was trying to settle the unease between them and he appreciated the effort.

Jim noticed the way Blair maintained distance and let him. Switching channels he finally settled for a program on Discovery Channel about new forensic methods used by pathologists. "Here," he offered Blair his glass, realizing the grad student had barely touched it.

"I'll start to look for a place tomorrow," Blair promised as he accepted the wine.

"Take your time," Jim replied, seriously. "Make sure you don't end up in a bad neighbourhood."

"Thanks man." The offer surprised Blair. He had thought Jim would want him out of his hair as quickly as possible. He grew quiet then, simply watching the program. At times Jim would point something out to him, a similar procedure forensics at the station had used to interpret clues. Blair nodded in understanding, barely able to keep his eyes on the screen. Man, he had it bad. He was in love with the detective, who was sitting only a few feet away from him. All he could think about was cuddling up to Jim Ellison. But that wasn't going to happen in this lifetime.

///

"Goodnight, Jim." Blair quickly disappeared into his room when Jim left the bathroom, only wearing a towel slung around his waist. Panting softly, Blair flung himself on the bed, willing the sensual image to leave his mind.

Jim had been considerate and had hung a curtain between the spare room and the kitchen to allow him some privacy, but right now Blair wished it were a steel door he could hide behind.

//Damn! Why did I have to fall in love with him? I don't even like guys in that way!// It was the first time he was in love with another man and he was starting to doubt his sexual orientation. Yes, he loved women, but now he also had the hots for Jim Ellison? Man, talking about weird!

"Goodnight, Chief," Jim answered, wondering about Blair's sudden retreat. Listening to the grad student's rapid breathing and heartbeat, he realized something had upset the young man. "Everything okay in there?"

"Yes, I'm going to get some sleep now." Blair mumbled into the pillow, knowing very well that Jim could easily hear him. "Try to forget I'm here, Jim. Dial it down and lock me out."

But Jim wasn't sure he wanted that. Yeah, it had taken him some time to get used to having another person close, but now he found Blair's presence oddly soothing and reassuring. He climbed the stairs and sighed as he dropped onto his bed.

He flung the towel aside and sneaked underneath the sheets. He decided against putting on some boxers, too tired to get to his feet again. Closing his eyes he managed to focus his senses, dialing them down to acceptable levels. But he made sure he could still hear Blair moving about in the spare room. For some reason he wanted to hear the man's heartbeat and his steady breathing.

When Caroline had lived here with him, he had never found it reassuring to have her close. The last months of their marriage had been hell and he had gladly signed the divorce papers. After the divorce he had become even more private, shutting everyone out, even Simon, who had been his friend for years. He just didn't want anyone close.

Except that now he liked having Blair Sandburg close and the reason why eluded him. The grad student was annoying and didn't believe in house rules, but that didn't really matter as he lay there listening to Blair moving about in bed. Sheets rubbed against Blair's sweats and Jim hoped Blair would fall asleep quickly, because then he could go to sleep as well.

Turning onto his left side he stared down the staircase, listening to Blair in the spare room. Finally, the young man settled down and dozed off. Relieved, Jim closed his eyes as well and allowed Blair's steady breathing to guide him into a deep sleep.

"No, why me? Why am I singled out?" Blair moaned in his sleep. Entangled in the sheets he felt trapped, with no way out. "I was lying! I'm not a cop!" His fingers buried themselves in the sheets, almost ripping them apart. "No," he yelped miserably.

In the upstairs bedroom Jim startled awake. His eyes flashed open as the mumbled words drifted closer. There shouldn't be another voice in the loft and he was about to grab his gun, when he recognized the voice. Sandburg.

He'd almost forgotten that the kid was staying in the spare room. Sighing deeply, he pushed back the sheets and swung his feet onto the floor. As he listened to the whimpered words, he realized that Blair was having a nightmare. He cursed his protective instincts and pulled on a robe, then marched downstairs. He'd known that taking the grad student in meant trouble.

"Please. No, I'm an anthropologist. I lied! I'm not with Narcotics!"

Blair's frantic tone worried him. What was that nightmare about? Jim felt a little hesitant when he reached the curtain that separated Blair's room from the kitchen. Maybe he shouldn't go inside. Maybe the nightmare would stop.

"No!"

The scream urged him into action and Jim marched inside. Blair was covered in cold sweat, fear dripping from the pores, terror palpable in the little room.

"Dammit, Chief," Jim cursed softly as Blair started to thrash on the bed. "What's going on?" He approached Blair, but didn't touch the trembling man yet. Blair was trying to climb out of his bed and landed with a loud thud on the floor.

Jim kneeled beside him, hoping his voice would calm Blair down. "It's okay, Chief. It's only a nightmare." Horror shone from Blair's blue eyes the moment they opened, and Jim knew the nightmare was still very real to the grad student. "Hey, you're at the loft. You're safe."

Blair blinked his eyes. He remembered every horrific detail of the nightmare and tried to lock it away. He didn't want to remember those cold eyes. Better focus on Jim's, which were warm and concerned.

"Sorry," he apologized. "I don't usually have nightmares." Blair drew in a deep breath, trying to steady himself. //Liar,// he thought in contempt. //You've been having this particular nightmare for weeks now!//

Jim smelled the fear, the accelerated heartbeat and wondered why Blair was lying. "You don't have to feel ashamed for having a nightmare," he tried. "We all get them."

//Well, I bet you don't,// Blair thought ashamed. The floor underneath his butt was cold and he hauled himself back onto the futon. "Sorry for waking you."

"Want to tell me what the nightmare was about? Talking helps." Privately Jim mentally kicked himself. He never wanted to discuss his nightmares, but Blair had to? "Chief?"

"I really don't want to talk about it," Blair said shyly and he pulled the sheets over his body. Although he was wearing thick sweats he felt exposed in front of the cop.

Jim studied him thoughtfully. Blair was pale and clearly fighting to remain in control of his emotions. //Blair will probably try to stay awake all night because he's afraid the nightmare will return,// he realized saddened.

Jim recalled the words Blair had mumbled. "Whom did you tell that you're a cop working for Narcotics?" he said eventually and was startled when Blair hissed in shock.

"You were listening!"

"I couldn't lock it out," Jim offered apologetically. "Maybe I can help?"

Resolved Blair shook his head. "I just have to deal with it."

"With what?" Jim pulled up a chair and sat down next to the bed. "What is it you 'just have to deal' with?" He didn't like this. This didn't sound like the hyperactive Sandburg he had come to know.

Blair wavered. If he told Jim the truth, the Sentinel might burst out laughing. Ellison was a hard ass cop and probably wouldn't take this very seriously. "It's nothing, okay?"

Jim sighed, disappointed that Blair didn't feel comfortable enough to confide in him, but decided not to push. Their friendship was still too fragile. But he was determined to make sure the kid didn't move out yet. Not before he had started talking.

"If you say so, Chief." Jim got to his feet, eyes scanning Blair for the tiniest clue, but except for fear he found nothing. He would have to prove to Blair that he could be trusted with a secret. "Do you want some warm milk?" he offered.

"Thanks, that's… kind, but don't bother. Hot milk doesn't make me sleepy." Blair reached for a book and opened it. "I'll fall faster asleep this way."

Jim handed Blair his glasses, which had been resting on the windowsill. "Don't ruin your eyes, Chief," he said worried. What if Blair had another nightmare tonight?

Blair controlled the shiver that almost racked his body. He didn't want Jim to question him further. "Go back to bed and get some sleep, Jim."

Jim hesitated when he reached the doorway, knowing that Blair was struggling with something very painful. But Blair's eyes avoided his and the grad student stared at the page he was reading.

"All right. Maybe we'll talk tomorrow?" Jim suggested.

"Maybe," Blair repeated without commitment. This was his problem and he wouldn't bother the Sentinel with it.

Jim returned to his now cold bed, and wished Blair had confided in him. He knew how horrible nightmares could be. Nightmares about his time spent in the Peruvian jungle still haunted him on a regular base. Maybe if he told Blair about his nightmares the grad student would be inclined to talk about his? It was worth a shot. Lying down he closed his eyes, but sleep eluded him for a long time.

Blair bit his lower lip in frustration. He couldn't go back to sleep again, not now the nightmare had resurfaced. Determinedly, he sat upright and reached for the papers that needed to be graded. It was going to be a long night.

///

Jim woke to the smell of bacon and eggs, wondering who the hell was making breakfast. Oh, yeah, Sandburg of course. Blair probably felt guilty for waking him up during the night. He smiled and slipped into some jeans and shirt. His stomach growled hungrily and he quickly descended the stairs.

"Come and get it! Eggs are almost done, scrambled firm just the way you like them, right? Good morning. Have a seat, man." Blair tried hard not to peek at Jim. He still felt embarrassed because of last night. Thankfully he had managed to stay awake for the rest of the night. He would need a lot of caffeine if he wanted to survive today.

Jim quickly scanned Blair's vitals, still smelling a hint of fear. Maybe a little joke would break the ice. He wanted Blair to feel comfortable. "If you think this little courtship ritual here is going to change my mind about throwing your butt out of here..." He made sure his tone carried a teasing note and it worked. Blair smiled weakly.

"No, no, no, no. If Larry can survive out there without a roof over his head, I'm, I'm sure that I can too." Although he sounded resigned and depressed, inwardly he was grinning. Everything was still cool between them… would be cool as long as Jim didn't bring up the nightmare.

Jim remembered Blair's panic when Larry had escaped and asked, "I thought you were panicked about your project. What happened?" Yeah, maybe showing some interest in Blair's work would reassure the grad student that things were all right.

"Well, I was. Then I called the grant's office in order to get an extension, and it turns out that the department chairman has been called out of town for two weeks. So I have ample time to procure myself a new subject. I don't know. I'm thinking something small, sweet. Maybe a nice orang-utan -- something like that. I don't know." Blair peeked at the Sentinel as they sat down to eat breakfast. //Don't bring up the nightmare… don't mention it… Redirect, yes, that's it. Talk about Larry, the grant's office and a new subject… Don't even think about the nightmare!//

"What the hell happened to your old subject?" Jim couldn't help monitoring Blair's breathing and heartbeat. Something was definitely upsetting Blair and the conversation was just a façade to hide behind. Whatever troubled Blair, the grad student wasn't 'dealing' with it. And why did Blair think he had to 'deal' with it on his own? Where did that come from?

"Who, Larry? I don't know. Animal Control's still looking for him and until they find him..." Blair's mind and lips weren't in sync when the next statement escaped unintended. "Well, I'm all yours, little buddy." Blair stared at the food. Fuck, why did he say that? Like Jim would want him! And did he really call Jim 'little buddy'? This couldn't be happening. What if the cop picked up on the double entendre? This wasn't good at all!

Jim silently ate his bacon and eggs. Blair's last remark puzzled him. Best to react with a joke, he figured. "Well, that's a very generous offer, but I think you'd be a little... in over your head." Jim privately cursed himself. Why did he say that? Blair might think it was a rejection, and he didn't want to hurt the student's feelings. But as he peeked at Blair's eyes, listened to the steady heartbeat, he realized Blair had interpreted it as a joke and wasn't reacting at all.

"You know, Jim, a couple years ago I did an extensive study on tribal warriors who share remarkably similar behavioral patterns to American street gangs..."

Jim forced himself to listen and respond, but mentally filed away the subtext of their conversation for later. //If you have another nightmare tonight, you will tell me what's wrong,// he thought determinedly and focused on their case.

///

Jim Ellison should have been thrilled that they had closed the case successfully, but he wasn't. Blair had played his part exceptionally well and had greatly contributed to restoring the peace on the streets, but now that they were heading back to the loft Blair had fallen silent. Too silent. Normally, the grad student never stopped talking.

They stopped at Jim's favorite Chinese take out and then drove back to the loft. Countless times Jim tried to start a conversation, but failed in uttering the right words. Then it finally hit him that Blair was almost dozing off in the truck, head resting against the window. //He didn't go back to sleep last night,// Jim realized and felt sad.

Maybe tonight… Maybe tonight Blair would have another nightmare and open up to him. He hated seeing the grad student like this. He wanted to help. Wasn't that what friends were for? Or didn't Blair think of him as a friend?

"Chief, wake up. We're home." Jim grabbed the food and nudged Blair gently. "Wake up, Blair."

Startled, Blair opened his eyes, fully awake again. Damn! He had fallen asleep in the truck! What if the nightmare had resurfaced? He had to be more careful! He didn't want to lose Jim's respect… the little respect the cop had for him anyways.

As they entered the loft, Jim kept a close eye on his guest. "I'm hungry," he stated and placed the food on the kitchen table, uncovering the chopsticks. "You want the chopsticks or..?" Amused, he watched Blair handle those chopsticks like a pro. He pulled two beers out of the fridge, opened the bottles and handed Blair one. "Dig in, Chief!"

Blair forced himself to eat. His nervousness was making it hard to concentrate on the food. All he could think of was not falling asleep tonight, or outwitting the nightmare. He didn't want to disturb Jim's sleep. The detective needed the rest.

They ate in silence and Jim coaxed him into eating more when Blair dropped the chopsticks after a few minutes. Blair obeyed, realizing Jim had a point, but wishing his stomach would settle down.

"I'm beat," Blair announced after 30 minutes. It was close to midnight and he had a class to teach at 8.30. "You mind me taking a shower? I know it's kinda late, but…"

"I don't mind," Jim replied, leaning back and softly rubbing his full belly. "Leave me some hot water? I could use a shower too."

"Sure, Jim…" Blair got to his feet, retrieved towels and sweats from his room and then disappeared into the bathroom.

Jim moved over to the couch and watched the news as he listened to the sounds emanating from the bathroom. He should give Blair some privacy, but he felt worried. Something was wrong. Blair was way too subdued.

"Bathroom is all yours," Blair said quietly. He had even tried to clean up after himself. "Goodnight, Jim." Not waiting for an answer he retreated to his own room, dropping the curtain behind him.

"Goodnight, Chief," Jim murmured absentmindedly. Best to wait for Blair to make the first move. He couldn't force Blair to talk about his nightmares. After switching off the TV he took his shower and then walked over to Blair's room.

The grad student was soundly asleep. Jim smiled briefly, but doubted the rest of the kid's sleep would remain undisturbed.

Climbing the stairs to his bedroom he recalled Blair's mumbled words again. 'Singled out… not a cop, why me?' Was this somehow related to work? Had something happened at the station? //Duh,// he chided himself. //Since he started working with me a lot has happened to him! He'd almost gotten killed, had been blown off a bridge and taken hostage Kincaid…//

"Kincaid…" Jim sank down onto the bed and nodded his head. That might be it. Kincaid had singled Blair out, taking the anthropologist with him as protection. Was Blair's nightmare about Kincaid? It made sense.

He put on some boxers and a tee shirt and lay back on the bed. He reached out with his senses, completely attuned to Blair. That way he would know the exact moment the nightmare started. "And this time, you're going to tell me if this is about Kincaid."

///

"Don't… Don't shoot." Blair murmured, mentally no longer in the loft. He was back at the station. Kincaid was shooting at Joel to scare off the cop and Daryl, the Captain's son, was so afraid that the kid was shivering. //I've got to do something… redirect his attention…// He had long realized that Kincaid was insane and that their situation was grave.

He had tried to bluff his way out. "Lieutenant Sandburg, Narcotics. I've been teamed with Ellison." He'd tried hard not to sound nervous, but he had known that Kincaid wasn't buying his story. Even Joel's reassurance didn't change that.

Kincaid had put a gun to his head. A fucking gun! He yelped in his sleep, remembering the expression in Kincaid's eyes. The greedy, ice cold look in those hard eyes, and he had seen the truth that instant. Terrified, he'd tried to convince himself that he was wrong but…

Kincaid's voice had been cold, but the thrill of victory had colored it. "Good work, Walters. Sometimes all it takes is just a little persuasion."

Kincaid had turned to look at him and Blair screamed in his dreams, locked up in the nightmare. A well-concealed hand had fondled his ass.

"No!" Blair yelled, trying to fight off an imaginary enemy. "Let me go!" He would rather provoke one of the bastards and be shot than follow Kincaid's order, knowing very well what Kincaid wanted from him. "NO!"

"Blair! Blair! Come on, Chief! Wake up!" Jim sat down on the side of the bed and wrapped an arm around Blair's shoulder to pull him into a sitting position. "You're having a nightmare, Chief!" He had heard everything Blair had whispered and realized he had been right all along. The nightmare was about Kincaid!

Blair was now fighting him and the last thing Jim wanted was to hurt the sleeping man so he let go. Instead he focused on talking to the student. Blair had guided him back from zone outs by talking to him and touching him. Hopefully he could do the same thing for Blair.

"Blair? Listen to me. Listen to my voice. You're at the loft. You're safe in your bed and I'm here. Listen to my voice, Chief and wake up. Open those eyes and look at me, dammit!" Getting desperate he brushed some stray locks from Blair's clammy face. "Listen to me, Blair."

A voice was calling him. It was a familiar voice, but he couldn't identify it. In his dreams Kincaid was pushing him up the stairs to get to the roof, and the bastard used every opportunity he got to pinch and fondle his ass, even brushing his groin as Kincaid had opened the door.

"No," Blair whispered. "Let me go… Jim? Please? Jim, help me?"

"I'm here, Chief, Come back to me, Blair. You're having a nightmare." The intensity of the nightmare worried him. It almost seemed like Blair was unable to break the hold the dream had on him. However, Blair was no longer fighting him and Jim acted quickly, pulling the younger man into an embrace. He stroked the damp hair, and rested Blair's head against his chest. "It's okay, Chief."

The soothing voice finally got through to Blair and his eyes popped open. "Jim?" he whispered shocked. Why was the cop sitting on his bed and holding him? "I'm sorry. I woke you again."

"That's okay, Darwin," Jim said affectionately. "You had another nightmare. I heard you talk in your sleep and came down to… help, I guess." Jim was still holding Blair, slowly rocking his partner. His dad had rocked him like that when he'd had a nightmare as a kid. It seemed to soothe Blair's nerves. "We're going to talk about this, Chief."

"I'm so sorry! I didn't want to wake you, Jim. Honestly!" Fighting his panic he realized he was on the edge of hyperventilation and he didn't want to lose it in front of Jim.

"Calm down, buddy. Take some deep breaths," Jim advised, repeating words Blair usually spoke to him when he was about to zone out. "That's it," he said reassuringly as the heartbeat and too fast breathing slowed down. "In and out… breathe in and out…"

Blair finally managed to recompose himself. Embarrassed he stared at Jim's tee shirt. He couldn't meet Jim's eyes yet. "I don't usually have nightmares."

"So what brought them on?" Jim tightened his hold as Blair tried to pull away. "I'm here, Chief. You can talk to me."

"You're going to think I'm overreacting, which I am. It's stupid." Blair buried his fingers in the sheets, which Jim had pulled up in order to keep him warm. "It's something really stupid." He hated himself for not being stronger. Why wasn't he more like Jim, who could handle everything?

//He doesn't want to tell me,// Jim realized disappointed, and he decided to push. "It's about Kincaid, isn't it?" He realized he had hit bull's eyes when Blair squirmed in his arms. "Stay and tell me," he ordered in a firm tone.

"You're going to laugh at me."

"No, I won't, Chief," Jim reassured him. "Why would I? That was a very traumatic situation, Blair."

"If only you knew," Blair whispered, instantly regretting the slip of his tongue.

"Know what?" Jim pressed on, relentlessly. "You keep saying 'no' in your nightmares. You say, 'Let me go.'" Now that he was thinking about it, he realized he was missing something important here. "What really happened, Blair?" Blair went limp in his arms. He had won, but the victory tasted bitter. "Why don't we get comfortable first? You're freezing."

Jim gently lay Blair down and then joined him. Facing Blair, he pulled the younger man close to his chest. After he covered them with the sheets and comforter he focused on Blair again. "What happened?" he repeated, steeling himself for the truth. A truth Blair hadn't shared with anyone yet.

"Didn't you wonder why he took me for protection?" Blair whispered, resigned. Jim wouldn't give up until he knew the truth. And damn, he loved the Sentinel for not giving in. Jim was probably the only one he could confide in. He trusted Jim… loved him.

"Actually, I did," Jim confessed and managed to establish eye contact with the evasive young man. "It would have made more sense if he had taken Daryl. Kincaid would have held the ultimate trump over Simon if he had taken Daryl with him."

"You want to know what he said? What Kincaid said?" Blair panted softly, still fighting his panic.

"What did he say?" Cold rage was building inside him and Jim vowed to get back at Kincaid for whatever he had done to Blair.

"I guess I could use a man like you." Blair shivered violently. "And he wasn't talking about my worth as a hostage, Jim."

Jim's blood was sizzling in his veins. He should have known Kincaid was a sexual predator as well. "Did he touch you?" He was barely able to control his tone.

"Groped my ass… tried to stick his tongue in my mouth…" Blair fought the tears threatening to leave his eyes. "If it hadn't been for you…" His voice trailed off as his emotions got the better of him. "I told you it was stupid. He didn't do anything except grope and kiss me…"

Jim was biting down his fury. "Blair, listen to me," he started and waited until Blair's eyes met his, "you have every right to be upset. Kincaid sexually assaulted you." He stopped Blair's protest by giving him a firm look. "He touched you against your will."

"I didn't know what to do," Blair admitted. "He was insane and he had already shot Joel… and Daryl… I still hear him scream."

"Is there something else you want to tell me?" Jim inquired. At least now he knew what he was up against, and he felt terribly relieved that he had stopped Kincaid from taking off with Blair.

//Yes, I love you, Jim,// Blair thought saddened. No way he could make that admission now. But Jim was still holding him and for the moment he could pretend that Jim loved him back. "No," he replied eventually.

"I want you to talk to our department psychologist, Blair. I don't have the expertise to help you with this. I'll make an appointment for you, okay?" Jim wanted to help so badly, but didn't know what to do. He felt Blair nod against his chest.

"You can let go now," Blair said saddened. Resting in Jim's arms felt divine, but… he was fooling himself.

"I don't want to," Jim said honestly. "I like holding you." Wow, where had that come from? Well, it was the truth… "I don't want you to have another nightmare tonight… Do you think you can sleep like this?" It felt damn good to hold Blair in his arms and he was going to take advantage of this situation and hold him a little longer.

Blair quavered. Jim wanted to hold him? Dear God… "I can sleep like this," he whispered, wondering if his nervousness showed in his voice. Hesitantly he snuggled up to Jim, relishing the warm body close to his.

"Then get back to sleep. We've got a long day ahead of us, Chief." Jim listened to the calm breathing and sighed deeply. Blair felt incredibly right in his arms.

Blair smiled against the powerful chest and closed his eyes. This time Kincaid wouldn't haunt his dreams, not now Jim was holding him. "Goodnight, Jim," he whispered contentedly and slipped back into sleep.

"Goodnight, Chief. Have some sweet dreams," he whispered and inhaled Blair's scent. He didn't know why, but he pressed a single kiss on the damp hair. "I won't let you move out, Chief," he promised silently. "This is home now. Your home," he realized. It felt like he had found the missing piece of the puzzle. "And you'll stay…"

"Blair? Just hold on, buddy. We're almost home." Worried, Jim eyed Blair, who was sweating furiously and hardly conscious. Lash had fed Blair a large dose of the sedative and the paramedics had told Jim that it would take hours to lose its affect.

"Only a few more minutes," Jim said softly, trying to reassure Blair. He also needed to hear his own voice to ground himself. "You can close those baby blues and go to sleep, Chief." The paramedic had assured him that Blair would benefit from sleep. "I'm here."

Getting Blair back to the loft was his first priority. He had been relieved when the paramedic had released Blair into his care. As a former medic he could take care of his partner.

"Blair, can you hear me?" Jim wondered. Blair's draped eyes gave away nothing. He continued to monitor Blair's heartbeat and breathing, disliking the slight fever that had formed. "You can lie down in a moment, Chief, and sleep off the drugs." He still didn't get an answer, and he wanted to hear Blair's voice so badly.

Blair stared at the road in front of him. He'd assumed he would never drive up to Prospect Avenue ever again. Lash had abducted, chained and drugged him. He'd mentally prepared himself to meet his maker, finally find out the truth about that supposed tunnel of light, but then Jim had burst inside and freed him.

In spite of his grogginess, Blair realized that Lash was dead. Apparently Jim had fired five times, making sure Lash was no longer a threat. He still couldn't believe he'd survived the ordeal.

He wanted to talk to Jim, tell the cop that he was fine. Yes, a little shaky and nervous perhaps, but he wasn't going to lose it. Lash was dead and Jim was here. That was all the reassurance he needed.

Jim parked the truck and unfastened Blair's seatbelt. It had been a long ride back home and he didn't want Blair to bump his head. It looked like Blair felt dizzy and nauseous.

"Let me help, Chief." Jim wrapped an arm around Blair's waist and steadied him when the younger man's feet hit the ground. "Hold on, buddy," Jim whispered and realized that Blair was unable to stay on his feet unaided. "I better carry you inside." It worried him that Blair didn't object as he was scooped up. "Just trust me, Darwin."

Jim told himself to keep on talking, hoping to reach Blair in the drug-induced haze. "You'll feel better once the drug has left your system, Chief."

Blair was heavier than he had thought and Jim struggled upstairs. Eventually, he made it up to the loft and carried Blair inside. "Here you go, buddy." He lowered Blair onto the couch. Concerned, he rested his hand on Blair's brow. The fever was getting worse.

"I'll get you some water. It will help flush out the drugs." Jim made sure Blair couldn't topple off the couch and then retrieved some bottled water from the kitchen, which he poured into a glass. "Try to swallow, Chief." He placed the glass at Blair's lips and helped him empty it. "That's it. Nice and slow."

Blair stared at Jim's face, which was awfully close. He loved seeing the concern in those blue eyes and wished he could tell Jim how much he loved the older man. He liked Christine a lot, but she couldn't take Jim's place, which was the main reason why he had told her things weren't working out. Chris had agreed to stay friends and he had hated to disappoint her. He had really hoped they could make things work.

But he was in love with Jim and no matter how lovely these women were, which he dated; Jim was the only one he really wanted. However, he had to hide that desire, knowing Jim had never shown an interest in men. And so he would continue to date women; afraid, Jim would uncover his secret and cut him loose.

"Hey, Chief. What are you thinking about? Don't zone out on me," Jim whispered and made Blair drink more water. "Don't do any heavy thinking when you're drugged, Chief. Things won't make sense." Was it only his imagination or was Blair grinning? "You're starting to feel a little better, Chief?"

Blair managed a slight nod. Yes, the water was helping. Feeling sleepy, his eyes closed and he slumped against Jim, seeking support.

"I'll carry you to your bed, Chief. You need to sleep this off," he repeated, hoping to settle Blair's nerves. Sighing, he picked Blair up again, "You're heavier than you look, Blair."

Blair continued to grin in his half sleep. //And it's not all baby fat,// he thought amused. He had started to work out with Jim and the cop was even teaching him some self-defence moves… but they hadn't worked on Lash!

"Okay, let's make sure you're comfortable, Chief." Jim placed his charge on the bed and removed Blair's shoes. Working his way up, he did away with socks, jeans, coat and shirt. Blair shivered beneath his hands and Jim pulled up the blankets.

Blair curled up underneath the blankets, and tried hard to open his eyes again. He also wanted to speak, but his vocal chords and lips seemed uncooperative.

Jim noticed the 'pull' in Blair's eyes and sat down on the bed. Blair looked vulnerable, but also… breathtaking. Jim swallowed hard at the realization. He was falling hard for the grad student, but this wasn't the time to think about that. //He needs to recover!// But the thought startled him. Blair was so young and he felt like robbing the cradle.

But then he reminded himself that Blair was working on his thesis. Sandburg was an only step away from getting his Ph.D. This 'kid' wasn't a kid. He was an adult, a grown man, whom he had found making out with Christine only days ago. //He can have every woman he wants,// Jim thought saddened, //no way he will settle for you, Ellison!//

Blair concentrated hard and managed to move his hand. Jim's pleased growl told him to carry on, and Blair finally succeeded in resting his hand on Jim's. After all he had been through, he desperately needed the physical contact. He curled his fingers around Jim's and held on. //Don't leave. Don't go away. Please stay.// But the words never left his lips.

"See, you're going to be fine now. You can already move your hand. Within the hour you'll be bouncing all over your room. Now, try to sleep, Chief? Your body needs rest." Jim didn't want to admit to himself how right it felt to have Blair's fingers twined with his. He didn't want to let go, but Blair needed rest.

"I'll be upstairs, all right?" Jim felt tired too. It was an emotional fatigue. Up until a moment ago he hadn't realized what he had almost lost to Lash. The psychopath could have easily killed Blair.

Blair's hold on his hand tightened and Jim looked up questioningly. "You're safe, Chief." The panic in Blair's eyes surprised him. "Lash isn't coming back for you. He's dead."

Unable to speak, Blair used his eyes to telegraph his words. //Please stay?//

"Blair, what's wrong, buddy?" Blair's fingers were holding onto him with all their might. "Want me to stay? Is that it?" He remembered holding Blair after he'd had those nightmares about Kincaid. He also remembered how good that had felt.

Blair closed his eyes, and then opened them again. Hopefully Jim realized that was a 'yes'.

"Will you let me go long enough for me to change my clothes?" He didn't want to sleep fully dressed like this. "I promise I'll be back."

Blair wavered. He didn't want to let go of Jim's hand, but… decided to trust him. Releasing Jim's hand, he sighed and hoped the Sentinel would keep his word.

"Thanks, Chief," Jim quipped and smiled at him. "Warm the bed for me?" Jim got to his feet and marched into the bathroom, where he stripped. Then, he headed upstairs and slipped into a tee shirt and some boxers. After he'd returned to the living room, he checked the locks. As he reached Blair's room, he halted in his tracks.

Blair's futon was much too small to hold two people. If he slept on it, he would suffer for it in the morning. Cramps would make him grumpy all day. Determinedly, he strode inside and sat on his heels next to the futon.

"Blair?" he started and waited for the younger man to open his eyes, "how about sleeping upstairs? My bed is bigger. We got more room there." Blair's eyes grew big, which surprised him. "Hey, we need to get some decent sleep here." Slowly, it dawned on Jim that he didn't want Blair to spend the night alone. What if the drug had some unknown side effect? What if the fever got worse during the night?

Blair didn't know how to react. Jim's bedroom had always been off limits; the Sentinel's last resort to find some peace and quiet. He didn't want to invade Jim's privacy. Although the one week he was supposed to stay had long passed, Jim hadn't told him yet to pack his things and leave. That surprised him. Jim had insisted he would only stay one week when the warehouse had been blown up.

He didn't want to overstay his welcome, but the loft was quickly becoming home. A home he had never had before. The loft was home because Jim was here and that was why he wanted to stay. He wanted to stay close to the Sentinel.

The sedative was slowly losing effect and Blair managed a weak, "Yes." It took a lot out of him to keep his eyes focused on Jim.

"That's great, Chief," Jim stated, relieved that Blair was regaining control over his body. "I'll carry you upstairs. Okay buddy? I don't want you tripping over your own two feet!"

Blair slowly nodded his head and even managed to wrap a weak arm around Jim's shoulder, holding onto to the older man to his best ability. A moment later he was floating through the room again. He felt a little nervous now that he was about to be admitted into Jim's bedroom.

Jim smiled down at his partner, noticing the draped expression in Blair's eyes. He wanted the bouncy grad student back, not this empty shell. Again the anger started to build in him. Anger at Lash. Earlier, he'd fought it down successfully, painfully aware Blair needed him sound of mind.

"Here you go, Chief," Jim lowered him gently onto his bed, placing him on the side that was closest to the wall. Blair would feel safest there, knowing his back was covered. "Is there something you need before going to sleep?"

"No," Blair mumbled fatigued and closed his eyes. He'd always assumed that Jim's mattress would be hard, but it was surprisingly soft and he pushed his body deeper into its comfort. All was right with the world now that he lay in Jim's bed. Tomorrow he would be banished downstairs again, but that didn't matter right now.

Jim glanced at his partner and smiled. Blair had curled himself into a tight ball and he covered the younger man with the comforter. Seeing Blair peacefully asleep, Jim doubted he would be able to do the same thing. His body was still high on an adrenaline rush and he felt highly protective of the grad student. Tonight, he would watch over Blair Sandburg and keep him safe.

///

//Hum? Warm? Why am I warm…what's this...?// Blair's thoughts were slow and barely coherent when he started to wake up. This didn't feel like his bed and there was something, someone warm in bed with him. //Chris and I are no longer together, so who?//

Apprehensively, Blair peeked open one eye and stared hard at Jim Ellison. The Sentinel was soundly asleep. Why was he in bed with his partner? Swallowing hard, his eyes rolled in their sockets. Why was he in Jim's bed?

Panic nearly overwhelmed him. //Please, I didn't do anything stupid, now did I? I didn't force myself on him, did I? Why am I in the upstairs bedroom?//

Memories came slowly and the first thing that hit him was Lash' mocking shriek, when the madman had mirrored his scream of anger when the gag had come off. //Oh, shit… Lash… Lash got to me… broke into the loft and… I don't remember how I ended up at the duck pond!//

His breathing quickened and he was on the verge of a panic attack when Jim's arm, which was protectively wrapped around him, pulled him closer. Jim's fingers soothingly rubbed his skin and Blair forced himself to calm down. He wasn't going to lose it now, not in front of Jim!

Jim sensed the fast heartbeat, Blair's too rapid breathing and instincts kicked in. He needed to protect his Guide, needed to know this young man safe. His eyes opened and he frowned, seeing the panic on Blair's face. He reacted immediately.

"Blair? It's okay, Chief. You're safe here at the loft. Nothing bad is going to happen to you." Jim cringed seeing the shame in Blair's eyes.

"I better… better leave now," Blair whispered embarrassed. Surely Jim couldn't want him in his bed! "I can sleep downstairs… I can…"

Jim quickly tightened the hold he had on Blair. "Chief, listen," he started and waited until Blair's eyes locked with his, "you did well last night. You did everything right and now you can rest. Lash is dead. You can rest."

Blair stared at Jim in disbelief. "Rest here?"

"Yeah… I'm not hauling your ass downstairs again." Jim smiled to assure Blair the words were meant to tease. "It's only 5 in the morning, Darwin. We don't have to be at the station until 4 PM and Simon promised to take care of your classes at Rainier."

Blair's eyes grew even bigger. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah," Jim repeated affectionately and pulled up the comforter that had slipped from Blair's body when he had tried to sit upright. "Are you still feeling drugged?"

"No," Blair replied absentmindedly. He still couldn't believe that Jim was okay with having him in his bed. "I was pretty much out of it? I only remember you coming down those stairs and taking that fall."

"I had to kill Lash," Jim explained. "And I brought you home where you belong." The words surprised him a little. Yes, he felt like that, felt that Blair should stay here, but he had never spoken those words aloud.

"Does that mean I don't have to move out?" Blair asked hopefully.

//You're overstaying your welcome again!// An angry voice in his head chided Blair. //When will you learn to move on when your time is up?//

"You can stay… I'd like you to stay," Jim said without any hesitation. Only then he realized he was still holding Blair, holding him tight to his chest and the grad student now rested his head on his chest. //Control!// Jim berated himself, as arousal stirred. //You'll scare him off!// He didn't want to lose this unique friendship. Blair was the only one he trusted, the only person he could open up to. Blair understood him.

"I can pay rent," Blair offered, hoping that Jim wouldn't change his mind.

"I know you don't have that much money to spend on rent… you lost most of your stuff in that explosion. What about… 100 bucks a month?"

"I paid 850 for the warehouse! I can pay more!" Blair didn't want to take advantage of the Sentinel. "I want to pay more."

"Blair," Jim said and smiled. "You need the money to buy books, spend it on field trips and stuff like that. I want you to get that Ph.D. and you need all the money you can get."

Dismayed, he realized that part of Blair's wardrobe had been burned in the after match of the explosion. The fire had eaten itself a way through a large part of the warehouse, including Blair's place.

Jim decided to play dirty. "And you get cold easily, don't you, Chief? It's going to be snowing soon. Freezing… hard winds blowing through that puny excuse for a coat you have. You should buy some warm sweaters, gloves…"

"All right," Blair sighed. "I get the picture here." He peeked and Jim and smiled hesitantly. Did it bother Jim that they were laying this close? Did it make Jim feel uncomfortable to reassure him like this? But Jim's arm was still around his shoulder, even slightly rubbing his neck. It felt nice.

//This feels right,// Jim thought. //Man, this feels so right that it scares me. Why am I attracted to him? Blair's straight… Why am I tormenting myself like this? Am I still hoping he will show some interest in me?// Hard questions, which were even harder to answer right now.

Jim decided to simply enjoy the moment as long as it lasted. He needed to hold Blair, because that was how it was supposed to be. Blair belonged at his side. This felt right, so fucking right!

"Jim?" Blair caught the tiny moan that left Jim's lips and worried he cocked his head. "What is it, tough guy?"

Jim needed to put up some kind of smoke screen. Blair couldn't find out the truth! //Never! I will never tell him! I don't want to lose him!//

"Jim?" Blair tried again. Jim's blank stare seriously worried him.

"I was thinking about Lash… the way I found you chained to that fucking chair!" Jim said quickly. Yes, this might work. Blair might buy this. "I should have known that he would come after you."

"There is no way you could have known!" Blair stated firmly. Jim couldn't be blaming himself for this! No way!

"Come on, Blair! Don't you remember the way he complimented you on 'solving' the case? I saw the way he looked at you, but I thought… thought it was about respect from one scholar to the other." Okay, so there was a little white lie mixed in there… He had seen Lash's expression when talking to Blair, but had thought it had been… attraction, sexual attraction and he had suppressed his jealousy.

"Hey, Jim. You've gotta be realistic here. Lash was a psychopath. You couldn't know he had killed his psychiatrist. No guilt trips, are we clear on that?" Blair gently poked Jim's chest with his index finger, stressing his words. "No… guilt… trips or I will kick your ass!"

Jim grinned. Oh, how he loved that little dominant streak Blair possessed. "Mess with me and you'll never know what's going on with you…" he repeated the words, which Blair had spoken after being slammed into the wall of his office. "I get the point, Chief," he gave in, relieved that Blair hadn't seen the real depth of his feelings.

"Now that we solved this little problem, can we get back to sleep now? I'm tired," Blair yawned and hesitantly turned onto his left side so he was facing Jim.

They stared at each other for a few more minutes and then their eyes closed, drifting off to sleep again.

///

"In a daring 11th-hour rescue, Detective Ellison saved the life of a police observer by gunning the killer down moments before he would have struck again. And so, Cascade will sleep easy tonight because of you, Detective."

Jim peeked at Blair and caught the admiration in the student's eyes. For one single moment he thought, no hoped, he saw more. Did he see true affection in those eyes? Maybe even some love? No, he dismissed it, as he remembered that Blair was dating Christine. But come to think of it, he hadn't seen her at the loft any more. Maybe Blair had taken his words to heart and wasn't inviting her to the loft any longer?

Simon released a huge grin, remembering reporters turning on Jim in the past, but this time Jim Ellison was their hero. People wanted a hero and the reporters wanted high ratings. "Well, I'd say you're guaranteed good press for the rest of your career. Huh?"

Caroline passed by. "Just put in a good word for me. This is my best side." She didn't know what to think of Jim's unexpected protectiveness of Blair Sandburg.

As the crowd dispersed, Blair felt a little more comfortable to address Jim. The Sentinel wasn't just Cascade's hero. Jim Ellison was his personal hero, his Sentinel.

"Hey, Jim, last night when you said I did everything right… did you mean that?" Had Jim just tried to reassure him or had the Sentinel truly meant it? He needed to know the truth.

"Yeah. You kept your head even though you thought you were going to die." How could Blair doubt his words? Didn't the kid know he'd done everything right? Blair had hit Lash where it would hurt most, in the madman's psyche.

"You know, the Chinese believe when you save a man's life you become his blessed protector and it's your duty to do that for the rest of your life." Would Jim get the subtext? //I want you to take care of me for the rest of my life,// he thought a little saddened, knowing it wasn't going to happen. Jim would grow tired of him.

Jim handed Blair his coat and nudged him towards the elevator. "Really? Well, here's today's rescue… call Christine. Beg, crawl, whatever you got to do." Okay, offence was the best defence. He had been unnecessarily hard on Sandburg when he had found them making out. It would also help to keep up the pretence. //I want Blair to be happy, even if he's with someone else. If I can't have his love, I will settle for his friendship.// But it still hurt, throwing Blair into Christine's open arms.

Blair wasn't sure how to react. Man, he couldn't tell Jim they were no longer together. Jim probably felt bad for chasing Christine away… but he didn't want Jim to know that he had added another screwed up relationship to his list. "I'm pretty good at that, huh?"

"Don't ever lie to her. Remember… trust, commitment." Jim cringed, speaking those words. He was lying to Blair right now.

"Speaking of commitment, I've been thinking about getting a Cascade P.D. insignia tattooed right on my chest." Blair desperately needed to get away from their subject. He didn't want to talk about Christine. He would fuck up and spit out the truth. He'd tell Jim that they'd broken up and he didn't want to see the pity in Jim's eyes. //Jim will think that I can't trust people, can't commit…// That thought hurt.

"Above the nipple ring?" Jim sensed Blair's unease, uncertain what had caused it and he had wanted to tease Blair with the nipple ring for some time now. It only made Blair more exotique in his eyes.

Blair startled. How did Jim know about the nipple ring? He hadn't worn the nipple ring lately. "How did you know about that?"

They stopped near the closed elevator and Jim grinned. "Let me tell you something. You get a tattoo and your blessed protector's going to kick your ass down seven flights to the lobby." Privately, Jim reconsidered his words. //Well, I will make an exception if the tattoo says 'Jim'.//

"Whoa, there, tough guy! C'mon, you really think I'd put something on my body I couldn't take off? I was just kidding." It was true. He had only gotten the nipple ring because he could take the jewellery off if he wanted too. "Although an earring would be nice. You know, something tasteful. Maybe a small silver badge."

Jim laughed warmly. Life with Sandburg was never boring!

Simon wondered how things had gotten out of hand so quickly. Only a few minutes ago they had discussed busting the group of criminals who were trying to get Golden onto the streets and now...

Why did Blair have to eat a slice of pizza? Normally, the kid wouldn't touch it, raging about how unhealthy such a pie of death was and yet... Only Sandburg had digested a slice of pizza and now they were running into the garage. The uniform that had called him had sounded nervous and edgy. Simon tried to figure out how much damage Sandburg while high on drugs could do. A lot, he admitted and shivered at the thought.

Although he usually bellowed at the kid, Sandburg had grown on him. When Jim had first dragged Blair to the station, his eyes had grown big, when Sandburg had presented his thin blue line idea. Now, months later he had developed a sense of respect for the young anthropologist. Jim and Blair had been through a lot together and Simon had always been convinced that the kid would cave in at some point, but Sandburg hadn't. The kid had proven time and time again that he could do the job. And now this had happened. Someone had delivered dusted pizzas to the station and Sandburg had eaten a slice of pizza. //The kid's always in the wrong place at the wrong time.//

Simon sighed inwardly as Jim and he entered the garage, which was already crowded. Several officers were keeping an eye on the police observer, whom they had gotten to know very well these last few months. Simon had seen a peculiar development within his department. At first, the officers and uniforms had been weary of the 'new age hippie kid,' as they called him. But Blair Sandburg had somehow found a way into their hearts. Of course, a few pessimists remained, but the majority liked the kid.

Jim had a particularly hard time now that he was blind. His fingers dug deeper into Simon's shoulder as they hurried past the doors. Although he was blind, his other senses worked perfectly and he used them to assess Blair's condition. Jim immediately heard the frantic pounding of Blair's heart, the ragged breathing and smelled the layer of sweat that revealed his partner's fear. Damn, why had he let Blair out of sight? Sandburg was a trouble magnet!

"Simon, what's going on?" Jim whispered anxiously, wishing his sight would return. Up until now he hadn't realized how much he depended on Blair to be his eyes. Now Simon had to be his eyes and he had to guide the captain on how to do that.

"There are already officers present, Jim," Simon replied softly. A few of his men shot him a confused look as he updated Jim, but Simon ignored the curious stares. Blair's life was at stake and revealing that Jim was blind was not an option.

"Blair is standing on the hood of a police car. Jim, the kid's got a gun in his hand. Looks like Blair's tracking things and noises... He doesn't look good," Simon added honestly. He wondered how this information would affect Jim. Ellison and Sandburg had turned out to be one of the best teams he had ever had and he wanted this relationship to continue to work. Hiding behind his mask of Captain, he tried to push aside his personal feelings.

Simon addressed an officer. "Carpenter, what the hell is going on here?" He needed information! But he couldn't deny the fear that washed through him, seeing Sandburg in such distress.

"He keeps yelling about demons. He dusted or what?" Carpenter asked concerned. He didn't have to add that Sandburg was dangerous because he possessed that gun. If necessary, they would take Sandburg down. Shooting Sandburg in his shoulder would immobilize Blair. Hopefully they wouldn't have to shoot to kill.

"He's been dosed with Golden." Simon tried to keep the concern out of his voice. He was Captain and had to make the decisions. Later, he would pay the emotional toll. Looking at Jim, he feared for his detective and friend. Jim might appear calm and in control, but those fingernails were definitely digging into his shoulder.

"Take cover! Get down! Get down!" an officer warned as Blair fired his gun.

Simon cursed privately as Blair fired some wild shots. The damn kid hit a police car! Simon realized that they were in dire straits if they couldn't talk Blair through this. One of those bullets could ricochet and hit a cop. //But the kid can't help it,// Simon reminded himself. Blair was acting like this because of the Golden and they owed it to the kid to give this their best shot.

Jim continued to monitor Blair's vitals and immediately picked up on the irregular beating of Blair's heart. The organ was pounding and Jim feared that Blair would go into cardiac arrest soon. The Golden was wrecking havoc with his partner's body. Concerned, he asked, "Simon, what the hell's going on?"

Simon knew he had to level with Jim. Just because the detective was blind, didn't mean Jim was helpless. If someone would manage to help Blair, it was Jim Ellison. "He's got your gun. He's on a car about twenty yards away. One o'clock."

Blair's voice cut through the garage. "You get away from me! You keep back!" Blair fired again and this time he hit the hose of the gas pumps, which caused gasoline to spray into the air. He was frightened and could no longer fight his panic. The Golden fire people were everywhere and they were searching for Simon and Jim. The Golden fire people wanted to kill his two friends. No way he would stand back and let the Golden fire people kill Jim and Simon!

Carpenter voiced a warning. This was a very volatile situation, which could easily explode. If that happened, someone would pay the price and get hurt. Even worse, could be killed. "He fires again, this whole garage could go."

Jim realized the danger Blair was in. These cops would shoot if Blair's actions escalated. Blair's heart was picking up speed and regularly missed beats. The Golden was pushing his partner closer to a heart attack. "Let me talk to him."

Simon studied his friend. Could Jim get through to Blair? The two men were close... close enough? "Are you crazy? He won't even recognize you, Jim!"

"I got to try," Jim said determinedly. Right now, he was Blair's only chance. Blair had saved his life in the past and he couldn't remain idle and let the other cops take his partner down. Jim rose to his feet and made his way around a car, toward Blair. Deep down he was convinced that this would work. Blair was the only one who could pull him out of a zone out and he could do the same thing for his partner.

"Hold your fire! Everyone, hold your fire!" Simon stared at Jim in disbelief. The blind man was risking his life! Under normal circumstances Blair would never hurt his partner, but Sandburg wasn't himself right now. This was out of his control and that scared Simon! Losing Sandburg meant losing Ellison as well. Jim needed Blair to guide him, to stop him from zoning out. Without Blair, Jim would be riding a desk.

Jim clapped his hands a few times to gain Blair's attention. Damn, all he saw was Blair's Golden-blurred image. Why couldn't his sight return? He needed to see what he was up against, needed to read Blair's expression. He decided to trust the bond that had formed between them during the times that he had soothed Blair when his partner had a nightmare. They had become incredibly close after Lash had kidnapped Blair

"Blair? It's Jim. What's going on, buddy?" Jim concentrated on keeping his voice steady and controlled. Blair's raging heartbeat indicated that the kid was about to crash and crash hard!

"There's no need for applause, man. I got it all covered." Blair frantically searched the garage for more intruders. The Golden fire people couldn't get to his partner. He would protect the man he loved. The burnt corpses would have to kill him first if they wanted to get to Jim... Jim... oh man, he loved the Sentinel, but he could never speak those words.

"What's going on?" Jim asked, growing even more concerned as he monitored Blair's heartbeat. He had to regain control over his gun and get Blair off that police car and into the care of the paramedics, which were already standing by.

"You don't see them? They're coming through, through the walls and the floor, man." Blair flinched. Damn, he had hoped that the gun would scare them off, keep them at a distance, but the Golden fire people were closing in on him!

Blair sounded upset, on the verge of panic and Jim quickly said, "Who are?" He needed to know what was going on in Blair's head if he wanted to help his partner.

"The Golden fire people. You don't see them, man?" Blair's voice shook violently and tears appeared in his eyes. "They're made out of fire and they're burnt. You think they're ashes, but they're alive, man. And we got to send them back!" Giving into his panic, he fired another shot, which hit a car. He had to protect Jim! His own life didn't matter! He would gladly give it up to ensure Jim's safety.

"Blair! Easy, buddy! Easy, buddy! Whoa! Blair, listen to me!" Jim needed a tactic to distract Blair. He needed to get that gun away from Blair. Jim shuddered as he pictured Blair putting the gun to his own head. He couldn't count out a suicide attempt as long as Blair was under the influence of the Golden. His worst nightmare was coming true. Blair hated firearms and now... //Hold on, buddy!//

Blair looked at him again and the expression in those draped eyes made Jim feel slightly more confident. At least Blair now acknowledged his presence. "Your gun isn't going to work with the fire people." His first priority was to get the gun away from Blair. But Blair shook his head. Jim gave this his best shot. Failure was not an option, he had to succeed and talk Blair through this. "They're not going to be afraid of your fire. It's only going to make them stronger."

But Blair continued to shake his head and Jim cringed inwardly. What would get through to Blair? An idea struck. Maybe he could use Blair's own tricks against him? Yeah, that might work! "You've got to use the bat echo trick."

"What trick?" Blair asked in an agitated tone. Didn't Jim understand that they were losing precious time? The fire people were trying to get to Simon and Jim, and only he could stop them! But what if Jim was right? Jim was usually right...

"You know, the one you taught me. Uh, you close your eyes, and you clap your hands." Yeah, this might work! Feeling hopeful, Jim clapped his hands. Blair trusted him and would eventually listen to him, but he was running out of time. Blair's heart was thundering like a jackhammer.

"No, man, that is not going to work here!" Blair didn't think it would work, not on the fire people. They were too strong and he couldn't take the risk of Jim getting hurt, but... Jim wanted him to clap his hands. What if Jim was right?

"Blair, come on. Try it. Trust me. You can save the world here. Come on." Jim was determined not to give up on his partner. He couldn't imagine a life without Blair. The young anthropologist had become part of his soul and he didn't want to lose the man he loved. Regret stabbed his soul. If Blair died, his partner would never know how much he was loved, which was an eternal shame. Blair had to survive! Blair deserved to know the truth!

"I don't think that's going to work here, Jim." But he held the gun out toward Jim, starting to doubt. Jim sounded awfully certain and Jim was usually right. He had to trust the detective's instincts.

"Come on, give me the gun. Blair." Jim slowly reached out to retrieve his gun. //Give it to me, Chief. Let me get you down and take care of you,// Jim prayed silently.

"I just don't think that's going to work here," Blair objected, but cocked the gun. Jim's voice sounded distorted now and the fire people stood behind his partner. The shots he had fired hadn't impressed the fire people so now he had to try Jim's suggestion.

Acting on instinct Jim touched Blair's hand. Blair used touch to ground him and now he tried to do the same thing for his partner. "Trust me. That's right." He pried the gun from Blair's hand, silently thanking whatever god or spirit had been listening to his silent prayer. "You got to clap your hands. You got to clap your hands," he repeated, giving Blair something to hold on to. Blair was disorientated, confused and on the verge of a breakdown.

Blair slowly clapped his hands. His instincts told him to trust his partner. Jim's touch registered in his foggy brain and... he wanted to rest in Jim's arms, to feel safe and sheltered from those horrible fire people.

Simon's heart jumped in relief and he ran over to them, calling off his men. Jim had managed the impossible! Why had he doubted his best man? The gun was back in Jim's possession and the threat gone and now they could give Blair the medical attention Sandburg so obviously needed. His heart had missed several beats when he had witnessed how Jim had talked Blair through this frightening experience, but his team had come through again!

"You did it! You did it! You did it! You did it." Jim repeated, hoping that he was getting through to his shaky partner. Blair collapsed and Simon helped him to get Blair off the car. Simon and he exchanged a quick look and Jim realized that Simon's eyes mirrored his relief. //It's going to be okay,// Jim thought relieved as he steadied and supported his drugged partner. //I should have told you that I love you, Blair,// he thought regretfully, but could he ever voice his feelings? The prospect of telling Blair scared him.

"I'm sorry," Blair whispered softly. He wasn't sure what was happening, but felt like he owed Jim an apology. The fire people could no longer hurt Jim. His partner was safe; the man he loved was safe!

"That's okay," Jim replied quickly. He held Blair close as his partner went limp in his arms. As he waited for the paramedics to arrive, Jim cradled Blair's body close to his and rested his cheek on Blair's head, needing the physical contact to convince himself that Blair was safe. Holding Blair close he monitored his partner's heartbeat and breathing. He ignored the officers swarming around them and hugged Blair close... //I've got you, baby,// he thought, wishing he could speak the words aloud.

"We need a paramedic over here now!" Simon called out concerned.

Blair nodded his head. Yeah, why was it taking those paramedics this long to get here? Blair needed medical attention and he held onto the younger man. //Don't give up, baby. Fight for me, fight!//

Jim had to release Blair to give the paramedics space to work, but didn't leave his partner's side. He followed the paramedics to the ambulance and told them determinedly that he would ride along. They gave in and as he sat down beside his partner, Jim's fingers sought out Blair's and twined them

///

Jim sat in the hospital ICU room and stared at Blair. The younger man was unconscious and his body was still fighting the effects of the Golden. The doctor had intubated Blair and the machine was blowing oxygen into the anthropologist's lungs. It scared Jim that Blair wasn't breathing on his own. //He looks like he's asleep,// Jim mused, //but the Golden still has a tight hold on him.//

The doctor told him that Blair's chances to pull through were relatively good, but also stressed that there was the possibility of Blair crashing. Golden was a rather unknown drug and the medical team was fighting it the best they could.

Sitting at Blair's side, Jim struggled to keep in control of his emotions. "Don't leave me, Chief. Don't. I need you. I need to hear your voice, see your smile..." His voice trailed off as he picked up footfalls in the corridor. The scent of cigars betrayed Simon's arrival. Jim quickly recomposed himself. The doctor had already told him that there was nothing he could do. This was Blair's fight, but Jim wished he could fight it for his partner.

Simon entered the small room and ignored the shivers that ran up and down his spine. Blair looked broken and vulnerable. Simon never thought to ever see Blair like this... again, Damn, the kid had looked like this after Jim had killed Lash. He came to a stand still on the opposite side of the bed, closely studying Blair and Jim. He asked softly, "Jim? How's he doing?" Shit, Jim looked bad too. This wasn't over yet. He could still lose both men!

"He's fading in and out, sir. Doctor says it's going to take some time for the drug to work its way through his system." Jim shivered, as he remembered the doctor's concerned facial expression. //Blair is going to make it! I refuse to believe otherwise!// he thought resolved.

"I got the reports back on those chemicals contained in Golden. They're pretty rare. And there's no record of any significant shipments of those chemicals to any company here in Cascade." Simon's voice was soft and he knew that his eyes revealed the concern he felt for Blair. It infuriated him that he couldn't help the kid. This was out of his hands! As he looked at Blair's pale face he regretted ever allowing the kid to ride along with Jim. Damn, the kid had been nearly killed a few times, been kidnapped, threatened and Blair was still at Jim's side?

//Must be love,// Simon mused. He had quickly identified the expression in Blair's eyes whenever Sandburg looked at Jim. It didn't bother him, knowing that Blair had a crush on Jim. He had even secretly hoped the feelings would be mutual, but had realized some time ago that Jim wasn't interested in Blair that way. // Which is a pity. That kid is the best thing that ever happened to you, Jim.//

Jim focused on the case. It would keep him from brooding on Blair's condition. "Well, what about controlled substances?"

"The same." Simon recognized the diversion and allowed it. Jim had never been good at dealing with personal things. He had a pretty good idea how hard this was on Jim Ellison.

"They're legal transactions, Simon. What about theft?" Jim nodded his head. //Concentrate on solving the case and get those bastards behind bars. They did this to Blair!//

"I checked into that, too. There's nothing." Simon moved around the bed and sat down in front of Jim. "How are you doing, man? You don't look so good." Cautiously, he tested the waters. Would Jim allow him in?

"Oh, I'm all right, man. I was hoping maybe he'd come to, you know? This Golden crap. This is insidious stuff, man. I mean, there must have been ten to twenty times the amount that would kill a person on that pizza." And that knowledge scared him. What if Blair's body couldn't deal with that insane amount of Golden? What if... Blair died? //No!// he corrected himself. //Blair will recover!// He didn't feel comfortable talking to Simon about Blair and stared at his partner instead. No one should go through the things Blair had been going through since becoming his partner. At times it seemed like every whacko out there targeted Blair!

"They were sending a message: Don't screw with us or we'll hit you right where it hurts." Simon tried to lock eyes with Jim, but gave up. //It hurts a lot, doesn't it, Jim? I wish you could talk to me about it. I care about the kid too.// But Jim was keeping it all inside and pushing his friend away wouldn't help. Simon prayed Blair would wake up soon.

"I got a feeling these creeps haven't left town. They've got a hundred kilos of unfinished business." Simon was getting too close and Jim redirected the conversation. He didn't want Simon to know just how much it hurt to see Blair like this.

"I just want to know how the hell they found out who you were so fast." Simon gave up. Jim wasn't going to address his feelings.

"Well, obviously, sir, they've got some kind of access, right? Now we're talking controlled substances here. Come on, what about, what about government contracts?" He was going to get the bastards who had done this to Blair!

///

And they succeeded in apprehending the bastards! Jim felt incredibly satisfied when he entered the hospital. The bastards were now in custody and wouldn't get out on bail. However, he felt bad for leaving Blair's side. He had been needed at the station to catch the drug dealers and only now he was on his way back to see Blair. //I didn't even have the time to call the doctor and get an update on Blair's condition.// Feeling guilty, he headed for Blair's room. What if his partner's condition had deteriorated? No, the doctor would have called him if Blair had grown worse.

Feeling a little anxious, Jim peeked into Blair's room, using his heightened hearing to tune into his partner. Then it hit him. Blair's eyes were open! "Hey buddy!" Jim whispered relieved and approached Blair's bed. The younger man's eyes were heavily draped, but at least Blair was awake! "How are you doing, Chief?" Jim barely managed to control his relief. He wanted to hug Blair, but wasn't sure that was appropriate in public.

Blair succeeded in cocking his head to look at Jim. He still felt awfully dizzy and nauseous, but realized that he was going to survive the ordeal. "J...jim?" he stuttered with a tone of exhaustion in his voice. Just keeping his eyes open drained him. "G…glo…wing," he stammered. Jim's face was surrounded by a golden glow. "Still… b…blind?"

"It's okay, buddy. I can see again, but you're glowing too," Jim said and smiled relieved. "How are you feeling, Blair?" He pulled up a chair and sat down. Without giving it a second thought he claimed Blair's right hand. Blair's left hand had an IV attached to it and he didn't want to risk pulling it out. "You're breathing on your own again." Seeing Blair hooked up to a respirator had gotten to him.

"F…fine," Blair stuttered. His eyes were closing again. "What…t happened?"

"That slice of pizza you ate was dusted with Golden. You overdosed." Jim gently squeezed Blair's hand to reassure him. "You're doing better, Blair." He drank in Blair's sight, now that his partner was awake and recovering. Blair's eyes grew big and Jim regretted not being subtler. "You'll be just fine in a few days."

Blair shivered violently. His skin felt clammy and cold, and he could hardly move. His body refused to obey. Desperately, he tried to keep his eyes open and locked with Jim's. He couldn't really remember what had happened during these last 24 hours, but he did remember being scared for Jim. "You o…kay?"

"Yeah, I am fine. My vision is back and we busted the bastards." Jim marveled about the panic in Blair's eyes. "What is it, buddy?"

'The f…fire people… did they g…get you?" The memory returned without warning. The burnt corpses had tried to get to Jim and Simon.

"You hallucinated, Blair. It was the Golden," Jim explained patiently. "Why don't you try to get some more sleep? Your body needs rest."

"No, d…don't want t…to close my eyes…s," Blair admitted. He feared the return of the fire people.

"I'll keep you safe," Jim said softly and leaned in closer so he could soothingly stroke Blair's brow. "You trust me to keep you safe, don't you, buddy?"

Too drained to speak, Blair weakly nodded his head. His eyes closed against his will and he drifted off into sleep again.

Jim made himself comfortable in the chair and mentally made a note to talk to the doctor later. For now, knowing Blair was getting better was enough reassurance.

///

"You'll be shaky for a few more days," the doctor informed Blair. "Bed rest, mister Sandburg, is essential. Don't try to walk yet. Stay off your feet and rest!"

Blair didn't have the energy to sulk and simply nodded his head. He was willing to put up with all these restrictions because it meant he would get out of the hospital! He had been here for 3 days and every day he'd felt a little stronger. That might have something to do with the fact that Jim had been around constantly. Jim had only left the hospital to shower at the loft and get a few hours of sleep. Most of the time when Blair had woken up, he had found Jim sitting at his bed.

The glow was growing less. It was still there and that frightened him. One of the first things he had asked his doctor was how the drug would affect his body in the future. The doctor had managed to reassure him that there wouldn't be any flashbacks or withdrawal symptoms.

"Bed rest… I understand," Jim relied instead of Blair. As he looked at his partner, his heart grew heavy. Blair had lost some weight during his stay at the hospital and still looked too pale. Blair had also been uncharacteristically quiet and that worried him even more. //Maybe he just doesn't have the energy to ramble?// That wasn't a comforting thought either.

"The nurse will bring you a wheelchair in a few minutes. Your paperwork is filled out and I set your next appointment up for next Friday." After exchanging a glance with Jim, the doctor left them alone.

Blair felt awkward as he looked at Jim. They hadn't really talked about the incident in the garage and his memories were hazy. He didn't remember it that well, but he realized he had made a fool of himself.

Jim correctly interpreted Blair's embarrassed look and uncovered the sweats he had brought along. "Let's get you out of that medical gown, buddy."

Blair wanted to protest and say that he could manage on his own, but his mouth snapped shut as he realized he couldn't. Spasms and tremors still regularly rocked his body and coordinating his movements was still hard. He didn't want to be this weak in Jim's presence. Ashamed he stared at the floor. He was sitting on his bed, feet dangling. If he were honest he had to admit to being scared.

Jim gently removed the medical gown and smiled reassuringly as Blair blushed fiercely. "Hey, it's okay, ba…buddy," he corrected himself immediately. He had been calling Blair babe privately and now the word almost slipped from his tongue as well. It worried him that Blair didn't react, but he quickly dressed Blair. "Better?" The sweats should keep Blair warm. He had noticed the tremors that tormented his partner's body. According to the doctor the tremors would fade within a week.

"Thanks," Blair whispered embarrassed. He hated depending on Jim. "Can we go now?" All he wanted was to lie down on his bed and close his eyes. Jim would have to head back to the station and Blair looked forward to being alone. That way he wouldn't be a burden to Jim.

The nurse entered with the wheelchair and Jim lifted Blair in his arms, carrying him over to the wheelchair and settling him into it. He didn't want Blair to risk walking and taking a fall. Blair was still awfully wobbly on his feet.

Blair flushed with embarrassment. "I can walk!" he whispered awkwardly.

"The doctor said bed rest. Don't you remember that he told you to stay off your feet?" Jim reminded him. This next week would be hard on Blair who wasn't used to sitting back and rest, but nonetheless Jim was determined to stay close. Simon had approved of his request and had given him a week off to care for Blair. Jim thanked the nurse and pushed the wheelchair. "We're going home, Chief!"

Feeling miserable, Blair remained quiet. The nurse had draped a blanket over his legs and he pulled it up closer. He was incredibly cold, another side effect the doctor had warned him about. Reluctantly he allowed Jim to lift him into the truck and to fasten his seatbelt.

Jim returned the wheelchair and then slid behind the driver's seat. "Are you comfortable, buddy?" Assessing the pained look in Blair's eyes, he realized that they had to talk about the Golden incident pretty soon. Something was eating Blair alive. Blair didn't answer him and worried, Jim fired up the engine to take them home.

///

Jim shook his head. Blair had insisted he walked, though Jim had preferred to carry his partner. Now Blair looked exhausted and the tremors were getting worse. He steered Blair away from his room and guided him to the couch. Blair's confused look urged him to say, "Your futon isn't really comfortable, now is it?" He was busy putting up a new bed with a much more comfortable mattress, but needed a little more time. Hopefully, Blair would approve of this change. Maybe he should have asked first, but he had already known that Blair's answer would be, 'no'.

Blair gave in and sat down on the couch. When had Jim turned into a mother hen? "I'm fine," he stated irritated.

"Chief, let me take care of you? Just this once?" Jim pleaded.

Blair sighed. He couldn't possibly deny Jim when the cop gave him that look. "Okay, but don't overdo it, man." He shook his head when Jim proceeded to lift his feet so he could lie down. A moment later Jim covered him with warm blankets. "Why don't you head back to the station, tough guy?" he said and tried to smile reassuringly. He didn't want to be alone, but Jim's hovering was making him edgy.

"Simon gave me the week off, Chief," he informed Blair and grinned as he noticed the stunned expression on his partner's face. "You always try to take care of me, Blair… like when I was blind. Please, let me do this?"

Resigned, Blair sighed. "I'm still cold, man," he admitted uncomfortably.

"I'll turn up the heat and make you some hot tea. That will get you warm." Jim disappeared into the kitchen.

Blair sighed relieved, uncertain if he would survive one week of Jim's care, but… Oh man, he loved the fact that Jim was this worried about him. Lost in thought, he didn't register Jim's return and suddenly found himself lifted again as Jim settled down onto the couch. "What are you doing, man?" Blair gulped as Jim lowered him back down. His head now rested on Jim's lap.

Jim wrapped his arms around Blair and mentally prepared himself for a very important conversation. Would he finally find the courage to tell Blair how he really felt?

"Jim? What's going on?" Blair considered sitting upright, but simply missed the necessary energy and looked up at Jim instead. He'd never felt this close to Jim before. Strong arms held him secure and he remembered the nightmare ridden nights when Jim had rocked him. Those nights stood out in his memory and he would always cherish them.

"You could have died, Blair…" Jim whispered eventually. "I still remember finding you chained to that dentist chair and now this."

"Hey, Jim. Everything is okay, man," Blair said reassuringly and hesitantly squeezed Jim's hand. "I'm here."

"It's all my fault." Jim stroked Blair's auburn curls and looked at his partner apologetically. "You riding along is too dangerous, Blair. I… can't bear the thought of losing you, do you understand?" Shit, he had made the first step in opening up to Blair… could he take the next stop as well?

"Jim, I'm not going to leave you!" Blair exclaimed upset. "Please, have faith in me, tough guy." Jim's admission took him aback. The hurt in Jim's eyes shocked him. //Oh man, I've read him completely wrong!//

"Blair… I get paid to risk my life. You… you're still so young. I…" his voice failed him and his eyes watered. Oh God, he couldn't burst out in to tears in front of Blair!

"Jim." Blair gathered his strength and managed to lift his right hand. Gently, he touched Jim's face. "I'm here to stay, Jim. This is my home. You're my home and I'm not leaving you. This wasn't your fault. Lash wasn't your fault. Don't blame yourself." A tear slithered down Jim's cheek and his fingertips caught it. Feeling the salty liquid shocked him. Hell, why was Jim crying and what had he just revealed to Jim? //You're my home? Oh man, don't let him figure this out! The moment Jim realizes I'm in love with him, he will kick me out!//

"Blair…" Jim leaned in and pulled Blair to his chest. "Don't you ever leave me, you hear? I can't make it without you!"

Shell shocked, Blair returned the possessive embrace. "Jim, you can make it without me." He smothered Jim's protests by resting a finger on the Sentinel's lips. "I promise to never leave you. Don't you know you're my life?" Oh, it had to be the Golden talking. He couldn't say these things to Jim! Scared, he watched Jim closely, but no realization registered on the Sentinel's face. //Thank you,// he prayed privately. //He doesn't know that I'm in love with him.//

"I like holding you," Jim said unexpectedly, realizing he lacked the necessary courage to admit his feelings to Blair. Maybe later…

"This feels great, tough guy," Blair quipped relieved. "Maybe being pampered isn't that bad after all. Didn't you say something about tea?" He hated doing this, but this was getting too emotional and if Jim remained this close, he would blur out his secret love for the Sentinel.

"Getting demanding?" Jim teased in return and quickly wiped away his tears, only now aware that he had been crying. "So you want to be pampered?"

Blair considered the question. "Naomi doesn't believe in pampering, Jim. I might like it."

"Oh, I will pamper you, Chief," Jim promised and fingered an auburn lock. //Wish I had the guts to tell you I love you, Chief.//

Blair relaxed and embedded this moment in his memory; the way Jim looked at him, the affection in those blue eyes, the tender finger caressing his hair. This moment was precious and he would always cherish it. //I love you, James Ellison… always will.// Drowning in Jim's eyes he wished this moment could last forever…

Blair tried hard to ignore the incoming helicopter, but failed miserably. Oh man, he loathed heights and now they wanted to airlift him out of the Rocky Mountains? That was bad. Why did he have to get shot in the leg and how had he survived these last 24 hours? Looking back, these hours had taken on nightmarish proportions.

No matter how hard Blair had objected; Jim had helped the others to strap him to an airlift gurney. He didn't want the helicopter to take him out. Why couldn't they bring an ambulance up here and transport him that way? His shot wound wasn't life threatening, at least he hoped so.

He needed a distraction to take his mind off the upcoming transportation and concentrated on Agent Cale. Talking to Jim wasn't an option right now. He would probably end up begging Jim to carry him down to the road and he didn't want Jim to think less of him because he was afraid of heights. He already felt ashamed for having objected to jumping off the cliff.

Why did they always end up in these kinds of situations? Why didn't Jim ever get injured? Why did the psychos always come after him? Life wasn't fair at all. Blair looked up at and said, "Agent Cale?"

The agent answered softly, realizing Blair was in pain. "Yes?"

"Let me ask you something real quick. Um, I was wondering... have you ever been shot in the line of duty?" Yeah, redirecting his thoughts would work. //Don't think of your own injury! Focus on the others! Don't look at Jim. I bet he's really disappointed in me for not keeping it together…// Back in the woods he had been hysterical when he had run into Jim after escaping his kidnappers. //I really thought they were going to kill me!//

Jim and Simon watched Blair. Each man was lost in his own musings. Simon had to admit that Blair had impressed him. "At the very least, we owe the kid dinner. Even when they were trying to smoke us out he kept his cool. He did okay. So did you."

Jim's eyes never left Blair's face. He forced himself to pay attention to his Captain, but even more importantly, he wished Blair were in hospital so he would receive the medical attention his partner needed. But he decided not to bring up Blair right now.

"You know, Simon, back there with Quinn... If you hadn't been back there..." Jim shook his head, still wondering if he would have killed Quinn.

"You would have done the same thing," Simon said, trying to reassure Jim. But he felt a twinge of doubt. He had seldom seen Jim so determined to take a life.

"I don't know about that." Jim still monitored Blair's vitals. Although his partner tried to act calm and in control, Blair's raging heartbeat revealed his anxiety.

"I do." This time Simon's voice sounded resolved. He couldn't have his best man doubt himself!

"I got something for you here." Jim handed Simon his cigar case, knowing his Captain wanted it back and then headed over to Blair to reassure the younger man. Blair was injured and the stress would only aggravate his partner's condition.

The female agent said, "See you Saturday, Blair," and walked away.

"Okay." Blair wondered what he had gotten himself into this time. It had never been his intention to ask her out on a date! Had she talked him into it? Right now everything was a little bit foggy. If he were honest with himself he had to admit that he rather spend Saturday at the loft with Jim chiding him for leaving wet towels in the bathroom.

Jim crouched down next to Blair and said affectionately, "Hey, Romeo, correct me if I'm wrong but I thought you just made a date with her." He wasn't sure how he felt about that. Yeah, he wanted Blair to find the right person to spend the rest of his life with, but why couldn't he be that person? //Because you're too much of a coward to tell him how you feel!// Jim realized saddened.

Blair decided to react in a joking tone. He didn't want Jim to pick up on his confusion. "Yes, I did, man. I can't help myself. I got a problem." Oh, he had a problem all right! He had just made a date with the wrong person. It was Jim whom he wanted to date!

"Do yourself a favor and don't show her your diary this time." Jim managed to control the sudden sting of jealousy that moved through him. He had to correct his earlier thoughts; he didn't want Blair to date, period.

Jim had long ago realized that Blair loved women. That was one reason why he kept quiet about his attraction to Blair. The second reason was that he couldn't imagine Blair choosing a hard ass cop as his lover. So Jim chose to suffer in silence.

"Oh, yeah, no more diaries for me. I'll wait until I get old enough and write my memoirs," Blair said and stared at the helicopter that was now hovering above him. He wished Jim could somehow accompany him on his way to the hospital. He was scared of heights! No, make that terrified, and even joking about his diaries didn't help him relax.

Blair's reply crudely tore Jim from his musings and he recomposed himself to play the game. "Yeah, I can't wait for the movie version to come out." Uttering that teasing remark cost him a lot.

They fastened the gurney and Jim motioned for them to lift up the gurney. He got to his feet and caught the panic in Blair's eyes. A remark he'd wanted to make about Blair's date record died on his lips. He had explained to Blair that airlifting him out of the mountains was their only option. Why was Blair this afraid? //Have to find out once we're back home!//

"Jim, I'm afraid of heights, man. Help me." Blair finally realized fully what was going to happen and panicked. He didn't want to fall apart in front of Jim, but heights terrified him!

"Nah, you're going to be all right," he said soothingly. Giving into Blair meant risking an infection. Time was working against them and in order to prevent that infection they had to get Blair to the hospital as quickly as possible. Jim tried to hide his emotional pain when he saw the fear in Blair's eyes, and wished he could take it away. //You've got to be strong now, Chief!//

"I'm not afraid," Blair said. Maybe if he repeated it enough times he would start to believe it. He locked eyes with Jim one more time. Jim's blue eyes were compassionate and colored with concern. //Don't panic! Do your Kungalingy breathing!// Doing his breathing exercises had prevented panic attacks in the past.

"Here we go." Jim managed to hold Blair's gaze until the gurney got just above his head. He smelled the panic and fear on Blair and worried about the erratic beating of his partner's heart. //Just hold on, babe.// Why was it so easy to think these words, but so hard to speak that one little word, babe? //Because I'm a fucking coward. I'm afraid he will laugh at me and reject me!//

Simon walked over to stand next to Jim. Hopefully Blair's injury would heal quickly. Blair pulled through just fine and the kid deserved a break. As he looked at Jim, Simon recognized the concern in the cop's eyes. //Jim, when will you tell him? You could have lost him today!//

"I'm not afraid. I'm scared!" Blair held his breath, afraid the gurney would break loose or lose its equilibrium. Oh man, he couldn't do this! He didn't want to do this! //Jim, I love you,// he thought affectionately. //I might never be able to tell you that, but I can think it…Please come to the hospital. I need you.//

"You're fearless," Jim said steadfast, but his heartbeat echoed Blair's. It pounded frantically, hoping nothing would go wrong during the transport. He hated the fact that he had to act tough in front of Simon and the strangers, which surrounded him. Blair needed to be comforted!

" Jim... Jim!" Feeling weightless, Blair closed his eyes. //I can do this… I love Jim… I can do this… I love Jim,// he mentally repeated the mantra over and over again.

Jim and Simon watched as the helicopter flew away over the mountains. Both men felt relieved that Quinn had been arrested, but also worried because Blair had ended up wounded yet again.

"Oh, Jim! Jim, get me down!"

Blair's voice still reached Jim's ear and the Sentinel flinched, hearing the true terror in that voice. //I'll be at the hospital, Blair. I will take care of you, I promise. And this time I will tell you that I love you!// Jim promised privately.

///

Jim thanked the doctor for updating him on Blair's condition and then entered his partner's room. Blair had had surgery to remove the bullet and thankfully the surgical team hadn't encountered an infection. The doctor had ordered rest, a lot of fluids and painkillers. Jim was determined to make sure Blair was going to stick to the complete bed rest.

Jim froze in the doorway and took in Blair's appearance. His partner was soundly asleep beneath some warm blankets. An IV disappeared into the back of Blair's right hand and a monitor kept track of his vitals. Although Blair looked pale and vulnerable, Jim took comfort in the thought that his partner was once more on the way to recovery.

He had lost count of the times that Blair had been injured while watching his back. When he had talked Simon into letting Blair ride along he had never thought Blair would pay such a high price. Blair had watched his back all this time, getting injured or threatened and yet his partner was still at his side!

After pulling up a chair he sat down and studied Blair's features. Jim placed his right hand on Blair's brow and registered the fever. "Hey, buddy, I'm here." He doubted Blair could hear him, but he needed to hear the sound of his own voice to reassure him. "You're going to be fine." Damn, how many times had he used that line before and how many more times would he have to use it after Blair had gotten injured once again?

Maybe he should ask Simon to pull Blair's credentials. He rather rode a desk than endangering Blair's life again. The real problem however, would be to convince Blair to stop riding along. Blair knew how much Jim loved being a cop, protecting the tribe and things like that. This was his life and Blair wouldn't let him throw it away.

"When you wake up we're going to talk Blair. First it was Kincaid, and then Lash tried to kill you. You overdosed on the Golden and…" Jim drew in a deep breath. "I don't want to lose you." He almost sounded like a broken record, as he continued to fear for Blair's safety. The last time Blair had assured him that the grad student would never leave him, but Blair couldn't control everything.

Blair stirred and Jim gently stroked his partner's brow. "Hey, it's okay, Chief. I'm here." Jim's hand tangled in the auburn locks and he felt relieved that the nurse had washed the auburn hair. At least the dried blood clods were gone and no longer reminded him of Blair's ordeal.

Jim continued to caress Blair's hair and he leaned in closer to study the movement underneath his partner's eyelids. Blair was dreaming and Jim feared his partner might be on the verge of having a nightmare. God knew Blair had been through enough to warrant them! And he wanted to be here to soothe Blair if necessary.

///

Blair was dreaming and the fever added to the dream's intensity. Harmless dreams turned into brutal nightmares and he arched his back in an attempt to regain his freedom. He was lying on the cold and damp ground, his two kidnappers loomed above him. A few seconds ago he had still possessed his lighter, but he had lost it as he had scrambled to hide from the two men that had been tracking him down.

"Jim? Jim, come on, is that you? Please... please be you. Jim... Jim, buddy? Is that you?" He talked softly, not wanting to attract the attention of the two hunters, which were much too close. He turned once more in a small circle, desperately hoping that Jim was close enough to hear him. //Come on, tough guy, talk to me!//

Unexpectedly, a rifle came out at him and hit him on the face. Blair immediately lost consciousness and went down.

///

Jim's concern increased as Blair thrashed on the bed. "Come on, buddy, wake up. You're having a nightmare!" Jim chided himself for allowing Blair to tag along. He should never have agreed to Blair accompanying him. Although the kid always maintained that he was used to hardships and exploring the jungle, he usually didn't have some criminals trying to kill him on his trail! "Blair? Babe, please, you're worrying me!'

Jim gently took hold of Blair's wrist and pressed the younger man down onto the bed. "Calm down, Chief. You're hurting yourself." He had to prevent the gunshot wound from opening again. "Blair, please baby…" But he quickly realized that Blair was lost in his nightmares, as his partner didn't react. Jim knew he had to ride out the emotional storm and restrain Blair in order to prevent further injuries.

"Blair? Listen to my voice… follow it back," he said determinedly. Blair's voice could pull him from a zone out, maybe his voice would do the same for his guide.

///

In his dream Blair continued to work through the last days' events and he remembered waking up in the forest. It was day and Wade was watching him closely as the hunter ate some jerky. His partner in crime, Dell, was off to the side. Blair shivered, seeing their cold eyes. Wade's voice startled him and Blair flinched

"Morning, sunshine. Where's your buddy?"

Blair managed to push himself into a sitting position and he leaned heavily against a tree. "He drowned, man. He didn't make it out of that river." He had to lie if he wanted to make sure that they didn't go after Jim. Hopefully Jim would pick up his trail and track him down. As Wade and Dell looked at him, he shuddered. They were going to kill him; he just knew it!

"Drowned, huh?" Wade said, feeling suspiciously.

"Yeah," Blair whispered. Oh man, what if they decided to torture him a little before killing him? They struck him as the kind of guys who would enjoy inflicting pain. He was already hurting and feared they could easily break him. His head throbbed and his body screamed in protest as Blair forced his tense muscles into action.

Wade pointed his gun at Blair. "Well... I guess that leaves only you."

Blair brought his hands up in front of his face. He couldn't take the risk that they read his fear in his eyes! //Jim, where are you, man? I need you! I can't deal with them on my own!//

Dell ran over and came to a stand still in front of Wade. "Wade... we could just tie him up."

But Wade had other plans. "I can't take that chance, Dell. We're in too deep."

Dell objected. "You can't just kill him".

Wade glared at his partner. "I can do anything I damn well please. Look, I want to be rich and that means they all have to die. Starting with Mr. Mozart there."

Blair tried to control the tremors running through his body. Right now only Dell stood between him and the butt end of Wade's gun. //Please Jim! I don't want to die! Not here, not all alone! Not so fucking soon!//

Dell tried one last time. "This ain't right, Wade!"

"Get out of my way, Dell. Get the hell out of my way!" Getting furious, Wade's tone hardened.

Blair watched hypnotized as the two men started to fight. No way he was going to wait to find out who would win this one! He stumbled to his feet and ran as fast as he could, ignoring the exhaustion that moved through his body. A moment later, adrenaline began to build and he ran blindly. He heard Wade's voice from a distance and sped up.

"Dell? Dell. Dell. Dell? You old, stupid son of a..."

//Oh man, Dell's probably dead and can no longer help me! Jim, where the hell are you?// Blair stopped thinking as primal instincts took over.

///

"Blair? Come on, Chief! Don't do this to me!" Jim pressed the button and a moment later the doctor joined him at Blair's bed. "I don't know what happened, doctor. It looks like he's having a nightmare."

"I rather not give him a sedative," the doctor explained. "His body can't take much more. Talk to him, detective. Try to get through to him!"

Jim swallowed hard. Easier said than done! Blair was lost in his own world and until now Jim had been unsuccessful in getting through to him. Jim sat down on the side of the bed and gently held Blair's face between his hands. "Come on, Chief. You can't shut me out now. I know that you've been through some rough times, and it probably scared the hell out of you when we jumped off that cliff."

Jim also remembered the panicked expression in Blair's eyes when the younger man had run into him after escaping the two hunters. Blair's entire body language had spoken of terror. So he had grabbed Blair to calm him down. He had lifted one hand to look at Blair's face. Bruises had been building underneath the skin and as he looked at his partner now, Blair's face was black and blue.

He had managed to calm Blair down back then so why couldn't he do it now? //Because he's asleep and the nightmare has got a hold on him!// Jim ignored the doctor as he pulled Blair close to his chest to cradle his partner in his arms. "Blair, I love you, babe."

///

A well-known voice penetrated his blurry mind and Blair suddenly found himself in Jim's arms. He had run into the Sentinel after escaping Wade. Jim's soothing voice washed over him and Blair relaxed. Yes, Jim would keep him safe.

"Blair, I love you, babe."

Huh? Did he hear correctly? Nah, Blair dismissed the thought. Jim was his friend. The Sentinel didn't like him in that way. Maybe he was dreaming… maybe running into Wade and Dell had just been a nightmare?

As he thought about it, Blair grew aware of the soft mattress and the pillows that supported him. A stinging sensation swept through his hand and he recognized it from the past. He had been hooked up to an IV. Did that mean he was in a hospital?

"Chief, can you hear me?" Feeling slightly relieved, Jim stared at the fluttering eyelids. "You can do it, Blair. Come on, open those eyes and look at me!" The nightmare had receded and Blair's vitals indicated that he was waking up. "Come on, buddy."

Blair struggled to open his eyes and he only managed one peek at the man looming over him. Briefly, he feared it was Wade, but then he recognized Jim's blue eyes. "You… found… me?" he stuttered drained. Only now he grew aware of the throbbing pain in his leg and why was someone pushing needles into his skull? It hurt!

"You're in the hospital, Chief. Sorry about that airlift. We didn't have a choice," Jim said sincerely and smiled at his partner. Blair was obviously fighting to keep his eyes open and Jim whispered, "You're going to be fine, buddy. The doctor operated on your leg and so far there is no sign of infection."

"Good…" Blair mumbled and managed a weak smile in return. "Tired, Jim… sorry." He didn't want to go back to sleep, afraid the nightmare would start all over again, but his exhausted body needed to recuperate. "Stay?"

"Yeah, I will stay, Chief." Jim lowered Blair back onto the bed and tucked him in, remembering how easily Blair grew cold. "Simon is on his way back to Cascade, but I can stay."

"Thanks…" Blair lost the fight and his eyes closed. But before he drifted back into sleep he felt how Jim twined their fingers, giving him something to hold onto. "Thanks," he repeated and gave into exhaustion.

///

"Are you sure that you're feeling up to this?" Jim inquired concerned. Blair had insisted to leave the hospital once the threat of infection was gone. "Why don't you stay another day?" he suggested, knowing that Blair was still in a lot of pain. Blair tried to hide that from him, but a Sentinel wasn't easily deceived.

"Put a sock in it, Jim," Blair snapped. The pain in his legs, the bruises on his face and the nightmares that continued to haunt him made him edgy. He wanted to go home. Back at the loft he would feel safe.

"Fuck," Blair cursed softly as Jim lifted him out of the wheelchair and into the rented car. "That hurts." He never intended to speak the words aloud and looked apologetically at Jim.

Jim shook his head in dismay. At times Blair was too stubborn for his own good! "Are you comfortable?" He had already adjusted the passenger's seat earlier.

"I'm fine," Blair snapped irritated and wished Jim would stop being such a mother hen.

Jim put the meds the doctor had prescribed on the back seat and settled in behind the wheel. It would take them about 6 hours to drive back to Cascade and Blair's foul mood would make it seem even longer. He fired up the engine and looked one last time at Blair, whose eyelids were drooping again. //That's it. Get some sleep, baby,// he thought worried. During these last hours he had been careful not to call Blair babe aloud, but he still loved to think it.

"We'll be home in 6 hours, Chief." When he didn't get a reply, he studied Blair's breathing. His partner was asleep again.

///

Blair sighed deeply. He had made it into the building on his own, using the crutches they had given him at the hospital, but now the elevator wasn't working. This sucked! Defeated, he stared at the staircase, which he needed to climb. //This is going to hurt like hell!// His leg already throbbed in protest.

Jim raised an eyebrow when Blair remained motionless. He had suggested Blair made it upstairs in his own tempo, but now his partner was staring at the staircase. Why wasn't he using the elevator? As he got closer he realized the damn thing was out of order. Now he understood Blair's worried expression. There was no way in hell he would allow Blair to climb those stairs himself.

"Jim? I might need your help here," Blair whispered awkwardly. Although he had learned to accept Jim's help since he had overdosed on the Golden, asking for it was still hard.

And Jim understood. "How do you want to do this?" he asked, giving Blair a chance to be in control. He could simply carry him upstairs, but Blair wouldn't like feeling that vulnerable.

"Maybe you could… wrap an arm around my waist and support me while I make my way upstairs?" Making that suggestion had been hard on Blair, who wanted to be able to do this unaided.

"Sure," Jim nodded his head once and folded a gentle arm around Blair's waist. Taking it slow he half dragged, half supported Blair up the staircase. //Carrying you would have made things easier,// he thought. //This way you're putting too much pressure on your injured leg.// But he remained silent, knowing Blair would protest to being carried upstairs.

Finally they arrived at the front door and Jim quickly opened it. "Let's head for the couch."

Blair gritted his teeth to prevent a moan from leaving his lips. Man, this hurt! His leg stung with pain and it was getting worse with every step he took. He sighed relieved as he sat down. "Thanks, man."

"No problem, buddy," Jim said softly. "Want some tea or coffee? No beer as long as you're on medication." He headed for the kitchen to give Blair a chance to recompose himself. Blair's erratic heartbeat told Jim that his partner had overestimated his strength.

"Tea would be great," Blair mumbled and closed his eyes. "I'm so glad to be back home," he whispered and his eyes flashed open. Damn, he never wanted to say that aloud!

"Yeah, it feels great," Jim agreed, wondering why Blair's heartbeat was picking up speed. After the water came to the boil he carried the tea over to Blair. "Do you need a pain pill?"

"No, not yet… maybe when I go to sleep," Blair objected and gratefully warmed his hands on the cup of warm tea. "Thanks for staying with me, Jim." Finding Jim close every time he woke up had definitely sped up his recovery process.

Jim sat down next to his partner and watched Blair closely. Feeling confident that Blair would accept his closeness he put an arm around his partner. "Hey, isn't that what friends are for?"

Blair swallowed hard as Jim's hand gently squeezed his shoulder. Before he realized what he was doing, he rested his head on Jim's shoulder. "It's all about friendship, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Jim agreed and mentally kicked himself to finally take the next step. Blair was back home, in his arms and Blair felt obviously very comfortable having him this close. "And it's also about love, Chief."

"I love you too, tough guy," Blair said quickly. //I said it! I told him I loved him!// he realized too late. //How will he interpret this? I didn't say I was in love with him, just that I loved him… like a brother would love his brother…// Blair began to tremble all over his body.

Jim felt the tremors and angrily bit his lower lip. Damn, telling Blair that it was also about love had been a mistake. Blair obviously didn't feel comfortable hearing this and had only reassured him because Blair had thought Jim needed to hear it. //Stupid, Ellison! When will you learn?//

Blair finished his tea, trying hard not to say anything stupid. After a while he whispered, "I think I should lie down, Jim… I'm getting a little dizzy here."

Jim reacted at once and placed the empty cup on the coffee table. "The couch or the bed?"

"Bed, definitely." Blair nodded his head. He wasn't that tired but needed to get away from Jim for a short while. Ever since Jim had mentioned that it was also about love he had the craving to kiss Jim's lips… not a good idea!

Jim rose from the sofa and pulled Blair to his feet. "Do you need your crutches, Chief?"

"Not if you help me to my room." Blair accepted Jim's support and together they made it slowly into his room. A smile crawled across Blair's smile as he looked at the much more comfortable bed that Jim had put up after he had overdosed on the Golden. Slowly, he sat down on the mattress and patted Jim's hand. "Thanks, I think I can manage."

"Call if you need me," Jim instructed and helped Blair to lie down. He supported the injured leg as Blair raised it and then made sure that his partner was warm and comfortable. Tucked in, Blair looked adorable and Jim said, "Love you, Chief."

"Love you too, tough guy." Blair yawned and closed his eyes, cherishing the fact that Jim loved him like a brother.

Jim stepped back into the living area and forced back the tear that was about to escape his eyes. //I should have said that I'm in love with him! Now Blair thinks that it's about brotherly love!// Saddened, he looked over his shoulder and nodded his head. //At least I took that first step. When the time is right I will explain to Blair what I really meant.//

Jim rubbed his temples. He felt tired and headed for the couch. Sitting down, he closed his eyes and inhaled Blair's lingering scent. Having Blair close soothed him and his own exhaustion caught up with him. Now that Blair was safe he allowed sleep to claim him as well.

(6)

Clayton Falls was finally returning to what passed for normal and Jim, Blair, Simon, and Linda were evaluating the situation. They had stopped the criminals and the people who had been fed the toxin were getting better.

Pleased, Linda said, "Well, the toxin is wearing off and people are up and around wondering what the hell's going on. Although that's your typical day here." These last 24 hours had been absolutely crazy and without the Cascade cops the criminals would have gotten away.

Simon agreed. "Well, state patrol captured Fisker's men at the airstrip. Although the Treasury Department doesn't agree with your methods, Jim, they do thank you for destroying their old bills." He was truly pleased with the way things had turned out, though he still kept an eye on Sandburg. The kid looked better but was still sweating profusely, and something in those blue eyes didn't seem right.

"So it's back to Cascade?" Linda inquired, hoping that Jim Ellison would stay a little longer. She liked him!

Jim smiled. "Well, actually, I thought we could all do some fishing tomorrow." He vividly remembered the disappointment on Simon and Blair's face when he had told them off. Why had they tracked him down in the first place? He just wanted some time on his own!

Blair put a hand up to cover his face. No, he wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. Jim had made it very clear that he wanted to be alone. //I won't be in your face much longer, Jim.// Jim's admission had shaken him pretty badly. Until now he had been under the impression that Jim liked having him close, but Jim had finally spat out the truth.

It had taken him two years to let Jim in, to trust him to be there for him when he needed support or a listening ear. Now it seemed like it had only been an act Jim had put up. Maybe it was time to move on and out of the loft and get his own place? That way he wouldn't be in Jim's face all the time. Yeah, he should definitely give that some thought.

Linda immediately grabbed her chance to spend more time with Jim. "And I'm in. I'll spring for breakfast."

"Great," Jim remarked enthusiastically. But as he looked at Blair his stomach clenched violently. The lost expression in those blue eyes stunned him. Shit, what…?

Simon chuckled, easily reading Linda's interest in Jim. But did he approve of Jim's decision? Hell no! As he cast a look at Blair, he caught the pain in the younger man's eyes. He wanted to talk to Jim and ask him what the hell he was doing. But this was personal and he couldn't get involved. This was something Jim had to figure out on his own.

"No, thank you. I think I prefer the mayhem of the city. Nice meeting you." Simon walked away, hoping Jim would reconsider. //Come on, Jim, you can't desert the kid like that!//

Blair realized that Jim's mind was set. The Sentinel wanted some time away from him. Okay, that could be arranged. "Uh... I think I'm down with the mayhem." He quickly followed Simon, unable to lock eyes with Jim. All this time he'd hoped that Jim would realize the attraction between them, but he had been fooling himself all along!

"I finally shook them," Jim muttered in a tone between disbelief and amusement.

///

"Kid, I'm ready to leave!" Simon tried to control his impatience, but he wanted to leave for Cascade now. Blair stood next to the car and seemed indecisive. "Jim needs some space," Simon offered eventually. "Let's head home and I'll take you to a Jags game, all right?" God, until now he had never realized how much he hated seeing that lost expression in Blair's eyes.

Blair felt tired and feverish. The toxin still hadn't left his body and now that the adrenaline rush was wearing off, he felt the fatigue in his bones. "I think I'll spend the night here after all, Captain," he said, putting some formal distance between them by addressing Simon as Captain. "I don't want to throw up in your car."

"Blair… Jim wants to be alone. I know that's hard, but…" Simon grew even more concerned about the kid.

"I know that, Captain and I won’t be in his face. I will just find myself a place to sleep and take the bus home tomorrow. I'll stay away from him." Blair didn't lock eyes with Simon, afraid to reveal his heartache. "It's better this way."

"I beg to differ, Sandburg," Simon replied and made one last effort to convince Blair to ride back home with him. "You'll be much more comfortable at the loft should you get sick." Simon had detected the greenish tint and the tremors that Blair desperately tried to hide. "You're not 100 % yet, are you? What did the doctor say?"

"That I need to sleep it off," Blair snapped. "Which is what I'm going to do right now. Bye Captain." Angrily, he marched away from the car. Putting up this show had drained him and he walked into the first bed and breakfast he encountered.

Simon shook his head. Maybe he should tell Jim to keep an eye on the kid? Nah, Blair could take care of himself and this was something Jim and Blair had to figure out. He fired up his engine and left Clayton Falls behind him.

///

Blair stared at the ceiling of his small room. The elderly lady that was renting it to him had been friendly and had even offered to fix him dinner, but he had respectfully declined. His stomach was burning with acid and no matter what position he rested in, bile tried to rise. He had already run to the bathroom once to empty his stomach, but he'd only thrown up water. The faint metallic taste on his tongue was a remnant of the toxin.

After turning onto his left side he pulled up his knees and curled up in foetal position. Sweat poured from his pores and he realized that he might end up dehydrated, but he lacked the energy to go buy some bottled water.

He closed his eyes and tried to remember all those times when Jim had soothed him. Jim had held him in his arms, rocking him, driving the nightmares away. How could he have been so wrong about Jim?

//I thought you cared, man. I thought you really cared, Jim! Why didn't you kick me out after that one week, which I was supposed to stay? Damn, I overstayed my welcome again and I promised myself to be wiser this time! I should have left after that one week. If I had, I wouldn't have been in your face all that time!

Jim, why didn't you just tell me that you wanted me to move out? I know that you hate the tests I put you through, but you learned to control your senses because of them! Okay, I admit… I loved spending all that time with you. I feel… good when I help you gain understanding of the dials and your senses.

But… I overdid it. I should know better by now! It's not the first time that someone tries to tell me that it is time to move on and I don't get the clue! I've been moving in and out of people's homes since I was… 8. That was the first time Naomi left me with friends.//

Crying softly, he wrapped his arms around his knees. Damn, why was it so hot in here? He pushed off the blanket he had pulled up to his chin earlier and his teeth chattered violently.

//Is it the toxin?// he wondered in a flash of lucidity. Did it have some after effects the doctor hadn't told him about?

//Nah, it isn't that bad. I'm just having a fever, that's it.// Blair dismissed the thought and managed to sit up. He should get that bottled water and then sneak back beneath the blankets to sweat it out.

Shakily, he pushed himself up from the bed and onto his feet. Wow… the entire room spun and his head lolled back and forth. Not good. "I need that water…" He wasn't going to drink any tap water in this town!

He grabbed the coat that he had thrown onto the only chair earlier and stumbled outside. Shit, now it was suddenly cold and he pulled the coat closer. Was it his imagination or had it started to snow?

"Water," he reminded himself and with closed eyes, he continued to walk.

///

Linda sat back and studied her dinner date. Jim Ellison was awfully quiet and seemed distracted. Her instincts warned her that something was wrong, but she decided to ignore them for now. Jim Ellison was a sexy man and it had been a while since she had dated. "Jim? Is something wrong? Don't you like the food?" She had made steak, greens and baked potatoes.

Jim didn't immediately register her questions. Absentmindedly, he shook his head. "No, dinner is great, Linda."

"Then I must be bad company," Linda retorted, feeling slightly annoyed at the lack of Jim's attention.

"No, it's not you," Jim admitted. "It's me."

"Care to explain?" She pushed the plate away from her and nipped from her wine. Dinner wasn't going according to plan.

"I'm a jerk," Jim whispered and finally looked her in the eyes. This was all wrong. Pretending he was okay with this 'date' was wrong. Hell yeah, he liked her, but… he shouldn't be here right now.

"A jerk?" Puzzled, Linda raised a puzzled eyebrow. "You just saved this town and stopped the bad guys from getting away. That makes you a hero, not a jerk!"

"You don't understand." Jim wiped his lips and placed the napkin back on the table. "I shouldn’t have asked you out on this date."

Linda's eyes grew big. "Excuse me? What did you just say?"

"It's not fair…" Oh, how had he gotten himself into this mess? "It's not fair to you," he explained and looked at her apologetically.

Linda refilled her empty glass. "Jim, why don't you explain to me what's going on?" She genuinely liked him but this secrecy was driving her crazy.

Jim got to his feet and impatiently paced Linda's kitchen. "I don't know what to say or how to say it," he offered in the end. During dinner Blair's hurt eyes had haunted him, and all he had been able to think about was driving back to Cascade to make things up to his partner. Instead, he was here, having dinner with Linda.

Linda studied him closely. Maybe her first impression of Jim Ellison had been right after all. She had dismissed the idea after a while, but maybe… "Is it Blair?" Jim's head jerked back and she knew she had hit bull's eye.

"Blair?" Jim stuttered. Was it that obvious?

"When I first met the two of you I thought that you were a couple," Linda revealed, but when Blair left and you accepted my dinner invitation I started to doubt my observation. It is Blair, isn't it?" How did she feel about this development? Linda sighed and stared at Jim over the rim of her glass. "Do you love him?"

"Yes, I do," Jim answered truthfully. "But I haven't told him yet."

Linda released a shocked sigh. "What? How long has this been going on?" She clearly remembered the look of admiration in Blair's eyes whenever Jim had been close. It had been obvious that Blair had a crush on Jim, but could it be that Jim hadn't noticed?

//Matchmaker, matchmaker…// the words swirled in her mind and she giggled. Okay, maybe she could bear losing Jim to Blair. //I never had him in the first place,// she reminded herself.

"How long?" Jim turned to look out of the window. It had started to snow and a storm was brewing. "Two years, I guess."

Linda drew in a deep breath. "And when do you plan on telling the poor guy?"

"I'm working up the courage," Jim whispered. "Linda, Blair's straight."

Linda laughed warmly. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I am!" Jim said in an annoyed tone. "We've been living together for two years and I've never seen him with a man, only women."

"Okay," Linda said and got to her feet as well. She carried her glass with her and nipped occasionally. Eventually she joined him in front of the window. "I only met the two of you a few hours ago, but… I did notice one thing. Blair has a crush on you."

Jim spun around. "Don't joke about this, Linda. I'm serious!"

"So am I."

Jim's hands clenched into fists. "You're mistaken." It had been his secret hope for years that Blair would feel the same way about him, but that wasn't going to happen.

"Jim, he follows you around with puppy dog's eyes. Yes, he manages to hide his crush pretty well, but it's there. You just have to look at him with an open mind." Linda placed a reassuring hand on his arm.

//Matchmaker, matchmaker…// Okay, she was a sucker for romance and getting these two together was definitely a good deed… and very necessary.

"Linda, I… " Jim grew silent. Could it be true? Could Blair Sandburg be in love with him?

//Why else would he stay?// a small voice in his mind pointed out. //There were enough times when he got injured or almost killed because he watched your back. Why would he do it, if not out of love?//

The sudden revelation almost knocked him off his feet and he grabbed the windowsill to support himself. "Do you really think… Oh shit, this is so unfair to you!"

"I'm a big girl, Jim," Linda said sincerely. "I'll get over it. But you're wasting time here. Why don't you call Blair and talk to him?"

"You wouldn't mind…? You're a great lady, Linda!" Jim reached for his cell phone and dialed the loft's telephone number.

Linda grinned smugly. "Talk to him, Jim," she repeated, "and don't forget to invite me to the wedding!" She walked into the living room to give him some privacy. Pleased with herself she sat down and uncovered a hidden box filled with chocolates. She selected one and complimented herself with a successful mission.

Jim muttered irritated when the machine picked up. "Come on, Blair. You should be home by now." Well, maybe Simon and Blair had gone for a late dinner? Jim dialed Simon's number and waited. Now that he had the time to think about it, maybe Linda was right. He had missed several clues that would indicate that Blair was in love with him too. Damn, when he had said that he loved Blair, his partner had replied with the same words.

Had they both made the same mistake? Had they both been afraid to make that first step? It made a lot of sense!

Simon finally answered and Jim didn't give him the chance to ask questions first. "Is Blair with you? Put him on, will you?" Simon's surprised sigh registered immediately.

"Jim, Blair isn’t with me. What's wrong?"

"Where is he?" A sense of foreboding swept through him. Jim clenched the phone tightly and managed to stay in control of his feelings.

"He stayed behind in Clayton Falls, Jim. He didn't feel up to driving home. Didn't he tell you?"

"I haven't seem him since you left," Jim stuttered nervously. Damn, why hadn't Blair contacted him? //Because you told him he was in your face all the time,// the tiny voice chided him.

"You better find him, Jim. He didn't look that good when I last saw him. You should also know that I spoke to a specialist, and he told me that some people react very violently to this particular toxin. Although the patient seems to improve, it's only temporary. If Blair is one of these people who reacts differently, he will need medical attention." Simon paused to catch his breath. "I can't believe this!"

"I'll find him," Jim promised, but the sounds of the growing snowstorm worried him. "He probably got himself a room for tonight. There aren't that many places he can stay."

"Jim?" Simon wavered. "Find him and talk to the kid."

Jim knew what his Captain was hinting at and finally admitted the truth. "Tell him that I love him, sir?" Simon's sharp intake of breath proved to Jim that he had been right.

"Yeah, tell him that, Jim. The kid needs to hear it. He has had this crush on you for years."

"Consider it done, Captain," Jim quipped. "I will tell him." Jim terminated the connection and joined Linda in the living room. "I'm sorry, but I've got to go. Simon just told me that Blair stayed behind and is still in Clayton Falls. I want to tell him face to face."

"I understand, Jim," she said pleased and pointed out the door to him. "Don't forget your coat. It's going to be a cold night."

"Thanks, Linda." Jim felt incredibly relieved that she hadn't made a scene. As a matter of fact, she didn't seem surprised at all.

She watched him leave and snuggled up beneath the quilt. "Amos? Amos?" she called out softly and her shy cat jumped up onto her lap. The feline settled down and she stroked its warm fur. "It's back to me and you," she whispered and wished Jim luck.

///

"Yes, the young man rented the room for tonight, but he left two hours ago," the landlady informed Jim in a kind tone. "He didn't look too good. I bet he still has the fever. A few locals are still fighting that toxin too."

"Thank you for that information," Jim forced himself to remain polite. He wanted to track down Blair right now. Why was Blair out there in that snowstorm instead of warm in bed? "Do you have any idea where he went?"

"He muttered something about water," she remembered. "Why don't you try the drug or grocery store?"

"I will," Jim reassured her and stepped outside. A fierce wind almost swept him off his feet. He was growing scared. It sounded like Blair had walked into that snowstorm while in the clutches of a fever. "How am I going to find you, Chief?"

Jim braved the storm and came to a stand still in the middle of the main street. He had to use and stretch his senses to the maximum if he wanted to find Blair. "Dammit, Chief, why didn't you tell me you were staying?"

//How many times do I have to tell you?// his conscience told him. //You didn't want him in your face any longer and Blair is giving you what he thinks you want.//

Growing angry, Jim straightened his shoulders. He pushed away the anger and focused his sense of hearing and smell. A long time ago he had embedded the way Blair smelled in his mind and he could pick Blair's heartbeat out from a crowd. "Blair? Tell me what to do," he whispered and he remembered Blair's soft voice.

"Okay, tune out the snowstorm…" Jim concentrated and dismissed the wind. "Tune out the people living in Clayton Falls." He did that too and his heart jumped madly as one heartbeat remained, but it was weak and faint. "And much too slow!"

Annoyed, Jim realized that it was too weak to lead him to Blair. He needed more so he concentrated on his sense of smell. He stretched his senses and searched for the herbal shampoo Blair used, searched for that typical masculine scent that was Blair Sandburg and almost flinched when it came back to him, mixed with the smell of pain and panic.

Jim quickly piggybacked his senses and marched down the street. He left behind a trail in the snow and put up the collar of his coat. It looked like Blair had left town, why? What was he doing in that snowstorm? He released a sigh when he finally climbed behind the wheel of his car.

Cold air flowed inside as he rolled down the car window. He fired up the engine and drove into the blinding white blanket that now covered the earth. "Dammit, Blair. What the hell are you doing out here?"

He drove for endless minutes and finally Blair's scent and heartbeat grew stronger. "You're here…" he realized and closed down the engine. Jim jumped out of the car and sniffed the air. His eyes scanned the snowy landscape and he started to run when they fastened on a piece of Blair's coat.

"Blair, dammit!" he cursed and fell to his knees in the snow. Quickly, he turned Blair onto his back and pulled him close. "How long have you been out here?" Jim carefully scanned his partner's vitals. Looked like he had arrived just in time.

He needed to get Blair warm, and scooped him up in his arms. The car was still icy cold inside and Jim cradled Blair against his chest in an effort to share body warmth. Suddenly, his eyes made out a cabin in the snow and he made a decision. Jim headed for the cabin.

Two minutes later he reached the snow covered cabin and pushed against the door. Miraculously, it opened. "Thanks," he muttered. "Blair deserved a break." Jim took in his new surroundings and carried Blair to the bed. "I need to build a fire, babe," he muttered and wrapped Blair into the warm blankets that had covered the bed. "Hold on, Chief."

Quickly, he moved over to the fireplace and felt grateful that there was dry wood in the corner. Within minutes he had a fire going and pulled the bed closer to the fireplace. "You need to get warm, babe."

The fire started to warm the interior and Jim debated removing Blair's frozen clothes. Eventually, he stripped his partner and wrapped him up in the blankets again. "It's going to be all right," he said reassuringly, wishing Blair could hear him.

Jim ventured into the small kitchen and found some teabags. He even managed to warm some water in a kettle over the fire and made some tea. "It's the best I can do, baby," he offered apologetically. But Blair still didn't react and worried, he pulled Blair into a sitting position. Jim slipped into position behind him and settled the man he loved between his legs. He wrapped his arms around Blair and rubbed the icy cold skin after tucking the blankets back in around Blair's form.

"Come on, baby. Open your eyes and talk to me. I need to know you're okay!" Jim continued to rub Blair's cold skin and tucked his partner's head underneath his chin. "I love you, Blair. Hell no, that one got me into trouble the last time. I am in love with you!" Although he wasn't a religious man, he prayed soundlessly. //Please, I need him. Bring him back to me.//

His hands traveled down Blair's chest and he rubbed the younger man's thighs. "Come on, baby, please." He flinched when droplets of formerly frozen ice dripped from Blair's curls. "Don't give up, Blair." If only he could get Blair to wake up enough to make him drink the hot tea!

"I love you… don't leave me, baby." Unexpectedly, Blair stirred in his arms and Jim held his breath.

///

When had his body turned to ice? Blair was convinced that snow and ice occupied his veins and that he would never feel warm again. He'd wanted to buy some water, but sometime he had lost his orientation and all the trees had looked the same. Then, it had started to snow.

Feeling freezing cold Blair shivered violently. He had always hated the cold and now it would kill him. His only regret was never admitting the truth to Jim.

The cold permeated his mind and body and he shook wildly, trying to warm himself just a little. Maybe that way he could outwit death? Nah, not likely!

"Blair? Can you hear me, baby?" Jim's hope flared as Blair moved about in his arms.

Lost in a cold world, Blair's eyes remained closed. "Cold…d," he stuttered. But it was nice that Jim was here with him in this nightmare. At least he wouldn't die alone and that was a comforting thought. Maybe he should unburden his soul before dying. "I… love… you… Jim…m…"

Jim swallowed hard. "I'm in love with you too, Blair. I'm sorry for being a coward."

"Yeah… in…n love… " Blair corrected. Suddenly, his frozen mind registered a source of warmth and instinctively he moved closer to it.

Jim's heart leaped in relief as Blair snuggled up to him. "I love you, baby. I want to kiss you, hold you…" his voice faltered briefly, "and make love to you." Blair's soft giggle took him back. "Blair?"

"Nice… dream…m," Blair whispered and pressed deeper into Jim's body. He thanked the deity that had taken pity on him and had granted him this wonderful dream before he'd die. "Always…s dreamed… you… inside…me," Blair whispered in a happy tone.

"Oh babe, we've been fools," Jim muttered and kissed Blair's hair. "Just pull through this last time and I promise I'll make love to you…as many times as you want me to…"

"Even… n better…r dream…" Blair concluded and relished the warmth that enclosed his body.

"Blair? Honey, can you sip from this tea? It'll warm you up," Jim asked and took hold of the cup. "Try to swallow?"

Blair obeyed and sipped from the hot liquid. He coughed and almost spat it out again as it traveled down his throat.

"That's great, honey. Can you manage one more sip?" Blair's trust in him touched Jim deeply. Even though Blair thought that this was just a dream he was still cooperating. "That's it," Jim crooned as Blair swallowed more tea. "Now rest, baby. I'm here. I'm holding you and won't let go."

"Love you, Jim…m," Blair whispered before giving into exhaustion. "This…s feels nice…" he managed to add and then surrendered to a healing sleep.

"Yeah, it feels nice. You're right, baby." Jim nuzzled Blair's neck and inhaled his lover's scent. "And I got my answer. You're in love with me too, Blair. Why didn't you tell me? Were we both so damned afraid to admit our feelings?" The answer was probably yes.

Jim continued to hold Blair and looked after the fire. Once he was convinced that Blair was truly warm he would carry him to the car and drive back to Clayton Falls.

///

Jim repositioned Blair in the center of the bed and pulled up the comforter. Two hours later, they had returned to Clayton Falls and one of the doctors that had remained behind had checked on Blair. Jim had been terribly relieved to hear that no damage had been done and that the cold had even helped to battle the toxin that had remained behind in Blair's body.

Blair's landlady had given them a larger room with a king-size bed, and Jim once again climbed into bed to cradle Blair against his chest. According to the doctor Blair could wake up any moment now.

Jim remembered the way Blair's naked skin had felt in the cabin. Now Blair was wearing sweats and the sensual sensation was gone. But if everything went right he would feel Blair's skin against his very soon. If only Blair would wake up!

Jim rolled Blair onto his side and spooned behind him. He wrapped his arms possessively around Blair and kissed the back of the younger man's neck. "You taste good. I could zone on that sensation alone."

"Hum?" Blair muttered something intelligible as he slowly woke up.

"Welcome back, Blair," Jim said and sucked in his breath. Would Blair remember their 'conversation' in the cabin earlier or would he have to declare his love all over again? Not that Jim minded doing that. He planned on telling Blair regularly how much he was loved.

"Jim?" Blair slowly grew aware of the presence of a body spooned behind his. And why did Jim's voice sound so… close? Fatigued, he slowly opened his eyes and they fastened on the strong arms wrapped around him. His hands were covered by… Jim's?

"What?" Blair whispered nervously. "Jim? I…?"

"The toxin caused another fever and you got lost in the snowstorm. I found you and brought you back to Clayton Falls." Jim decided to take this slow and first find out what Blair did remember.

"Clayton… Falls?" That name did sound familiar. "Didn't I leave?"

"No, Simon told me that you stayed behind because you didn't feel that great. That was an understatement, baby," Jim said and added that last word on purpose. He was through with hiding his feelings and they needed to come clean. Blair was his and it was about time he claimed his guide.

Blair tensed up. "Jim… you called me 'baby'…" His breathing quickened. //It was just a slip of the tongue, Sandburg! Don't make this worse by asking him about it!// But Jim's tone had been gentle and it almost made him cry to finally hear it after so many years.

"Yeah, baby." Jim hated to feel Blair tense up in his arms. Maybe he was doing this all wrong? "I'm not good with words, you know that," he started, "but…" Jim opted for action instead and placed a series of kisses at the back of Blair's neck. "Love how you taste, babe."

"Jim… fuck… what…I…?" Feeling terribly confused, Blair held his breath. The exquisite sensation of Jim's lips on his skin left him breathless. "You're kissing me!" he exclaimed. Suddenly he grew aware of the state of the body behind him. "You're hard!"

"Blair?" Jim pulled back and helped Blair to roll onto his back. He wanted to see Blair's eyes when he finally said the words. "I'm in love with you, baby."

"You're…? Speechless, Blair stared into Jim's eyes. His own eyes grew big when he finally realized what Jim had said. "You… you're… in…"

"I'm in love with you, Blair." He leaned in closer and brushed Blair chapped lips. "And I want to kiss you."

"Fuck..." Blair choked out, wishing those lips would return.

"Later…" Jim promised wickedly, remembering Blair's admission in the cabin. "I want to bury myself in your body, babe." Jim sensed the tiny tremors that coursed through Blair's body, and his lips trailed down Blair's neck to his lover's collarbone, constantly licking and kissing the skin.

"Jim," Blair raised his hands and clutched Jim's head between them. "Why now? Are you sure?" This was fucking unbelievable! "I'm love with you too, man, but…"

"I've been in love with you for years, Blair, but I was too scared to bring it up. I always thought you were straight and I didn't want you to move out of the loft." Jim looked Blair in the eyes, a guilty dimension to his expression. "But Linda thought that you had a crush on me and…"

"Linda? You discussed this with Linda?" In disbelief he stared at Jim, who now moved to straddle his hips. "Jim," Blair breathed stunned. "What are you doing?"

Careful not to put too much weight on his lover, Jim covered Blair's body with his. "I want to feel you every morning when I wake up. I want to love you for the rest of my life. I want to take you and make you scream with pleasure." Surprised at his own words, Jim gave Blair an apologetic look. "Do you have any idea what you do to me? What I want to do to you?"

Blair's mouth had gone dry as he heard the truth in Jim's words. "I can't believe this," he said in a subdued tone, loving the way Jim's body pressed him down. "I fantasized about this for years. I want all that too, but… why now?" Blair bit his lower lip and a droplet of blood appeared.

Jim couldn't resist temptation and licked it off. "You almost died again, Blair. I don't want you to die without knowing that I love you. I never realized how short life is. I almost found the courage to tell you after we caught Quinn, but I chickened out."

Blair lost himself in Jim's warm eyes, which only spoke of love and passion. Jim's hardness pressed against his stomach and he couldn't suppress a moan filled with longing. "I was afraid to tell you too, Jim. I thought that you were straight…"

"Actually, I'm bisexual," Jim remarked and cocked his head. "Guess the same thing applies to you?"

"Yeah," Blair licked his lip and clasped his hands at the back of Jim's neck. "What does this mean, Jim?"

Jim understood perfectly. "I don't want the PD to know we're lovers. We can tell Simon, but that's it." He studied Blair and realized there was something else his lover needed to hear. "No more dates, Romeo. You're mine now and I'm possessive," he added, only half joking.

"I love you being possessive of me, Jim," Blair confessed and pulled Jim down for another kiss. The softness of Jim's lips surprised him and he yielded as Jim's tongue nudged against his teeth.

Jim growled as Blair's lips parted and he hungrily pushed inside, exploring every warm inch of his lover's delicious mouth. "Babe," he groaned into Blair's mouth and chased his lover's tongue in a duel.

"Wow," Blair whispered breathlessly as Jim finally pulled back. He had fantasized about kissing Jim, but the real thing was so much better than dreaming about it!

"We should stop now, baby," Jim said softly. "You're still weak and I want our first time to be special."

Blair groaned. "You're right," he admitted shyly. Jim's delightful body warmth was luring him back into sleep and he was already dozing. "When? Where?"

Jim smiled knowingly. "When we're back at the loft… I want you to recover first… really recover and I want to pamper you."

"Pamper me?" Blair grinned. "I liked it when you pampered me."

"It's a deal then. I'm going to get us something to eat and when you feel up to it, we'll drive back to Cascade."

Thoughtfully, Blair looked up at his new lover, remembering Jim's admissions. "I love you, James Ellison." Then, he closed his eyes and gave up fighting his fatigue. "Hold me a little longer?"

Jim rolled Blair with him until they lay on their sides, facing each other. "Sure, babe. I will hold you."

///

Blair grinned contentedly. "We're back home, lover!"

Jim marveled at the change in Blair. It had started when he had first called Blair baby. A glow had appeared in Blair's blue eyes and a deep contentment now shone from them. Blair had embraced their new relationship fully and seeing Blair excited like this, thrilled Jim.

"I want you in my face every minute of the day," Jim admitted and violated his own house rules when he dropped their bags onto the floor. "Come here, baby." He opened his arms and pulled Blair close. But Blair suddenly seemed subdued and worried Jim asked, "Did I say something wrong?"

"I'm not sure about this, Jim. I wanted to move out after getting back to Cascade." Blair hesitantly met Jim's stunned eyes. "That way I wouldn't be in your face all the time."

Jim pulled Blair down onto the sofa with him. "Let me explain something to you," he started with a guilty tone in his voice, "I wanted some time on my own because I was afraid I would accidentally tell you that I loved you. Every time you left the shower, wearing only a towel, I wanted to jump you. I no longer trusted myself."

Blair lifted his right hand and caressed Jim's face. "Felt the same way about you. Jim, you usually march around in a tiny towel. Had to flee into my room because I was drooling."

Jim laughed warmly and cupped the back of Blair's head in the palm of his head. Carefully, he brushed Blair's chapped lips. Although the fever was gone, Blair looked like he needed a lot of rest. "Why don't you take a shower and then hop into bed? The sooner you recover the sooner we can…"

"Make love?" Blair finished for him. "Oh Jim, you've got no idea how much I want you to make love to me!"

The need in Blair's voice was evident and Jim smiled. "Maybe tonight… provided you feel better?" he suggested. First he needed to make a stop at the pharmacy and the grocery store. "You can use all the hot water, baby."

Blair got to his feet, leaned down and kissed Jim passionately. "Can't believe this is really happening, Jim."

"You better believe it!" Jim chided him playfully and gently slapped Blair's ass. "Now move it, Darwin."

Blair grinned and disappeared into the bathroom. Quickly, he slipped out of the sweats and stepped beneath the warm water beams. He placed his hands against the shower cabin wall and exhaled slowly. The water cascaded down his body and he closed his eyes, imagining Jim's hands sliding up and down his body.

Growing quickly aroused his hand almost automatically went to touch himself. "No," he whispered and withdrew his hand. He wasn't going to jerk off any longer. Maybe Jim would oblige him later? His flesh hardened even more and he moaned his longing. "Down boy," he chided the stubborn erection and he sighed relieved when his arousal started to fade.

He grabbed the shampoo and washed his hair. He had to apply a lot of conditioner to untangle his locks and finally he stepped out of the shower cabin. After drying his skin, he wrapped one large towel around his waist, and ventured back into the living room, which was empty. Jim had left.

"He wanted to jump me," Blair repeated Jim's words and his cock twitched again. How come he had never noticed Jim's interest in him? Jim was right. They had been fools.

Blair walked into his room and stared at the bed. Suddenly fatigue overwhelmed him. His body still hadn't completely recovered from that damn toxin and he stretched beneath the blankets. Well, Jim had told him to get some rest…

///

Jim placed the bag of groceries and other necessities on the kitchen table. He had almost blushed a deep crimson when he had bought the KY jelly. The saleslady had even shown him variously flavored lubricants and he had almost died on the spot! Now that the ordeal was over he released a strangled breath.

"Blair?" he called out softly and inhaled his lover's fresh and tantalizing scent. Yeah, Blair had showered all right. He was about to climb the stairs to his bedroom when he realized that Blair wasn't in his bed. Blair was in his old room! What the…? Jim turned and marched into his partner's room. The sight of Blair curled up beneath the blankets made his heart beat a faster rhythm.

"What are you doing here, Blair?" he asked as he sat on his heels. Hadn't he told Blair to sleep in the upstairs bedroom?

Blair peeked open one fatigued eye. "You told me to go to bed," he whispered and closed his eyes again.

"Wrong bed, baby," Jim quipped and gently pushed his arms beneath Blair's body. He scooped Blair up and carried him up the stairs. Miraculously, Blair never woke during the transport.

"This is the right bed," Jim stated pleased as he placed Blair in the center of his bed. "This is where you belong."

Jim removed the wet towel that covered Blair's groin area and couldn't help but stare. He sat down and his hands itched to stroke Blair's semi erect cock into hardness. The suede like skin of Blair's scrotum still glistered with water and Jim almost succumbed to the temptation of licking it off.

A mass of wild curls framed Blair's face and Jim gently fingered one. What had he done to deserve Blair? "You rest here, babe and I will fix dinner tonight." He covered Blair's naked body with the comforter and pressed a kiss on his lover's brow.

//And hopefully you will feel better tonight… I'm dying to make love to you.// Blair had expressed his desire and Jim would indulge him. He would take Blair tonight, but… he hoped that Blair planned to top during sex as well. In the past he had loved to bottom and he wanted Blair to experience orgasm both ways.

The phone rang and Jim reluctantly left Blair behind. He had a pretty good idea who was calling him anyway.

"Ellison?"

"Yes, Simon?" Jim grinned, he had been right.

"Did you tell the kid?"

"The kid is in my bed, Captain," Jim replied in a wicked tone.

"Too much information!" Simon quipped pleased. "I expect you back at the station in 48 hours."

"Thanks for the time off." Jim appreciated Simon's thoughtfulness. "Thanks for caring about… us."

"Hey, I am the Captain! It's my duty to look after my men!" Simon laughed and then terminated the connection.

Feeling relaxed, Jim started to prepare dinner, but his senses remained focused on his lover who rested upstairs in his bed.

///

Blair woke several hours later, feeling rested and relaxed. As he carefully stretched his body he noticed the comforter… the different feel of the mattress and his eyes flashed open. "What?" Looking about he realized that he was in Jim's room. Confused, he tried to retrace his steps. He knew for certain that he had gone to sleep in his own bed so how had he ended up here?

Pushing back the comforter he realized that he was naked. The towel that he had slung around his waist was gone. His hair was still a little damp and Blair hid his face in his hands. How had he gotten into Jim's bed?

Downstairs in the kitchen Jim registered the change in Blair's vitals. As he climbed the stairs he picked up on Blair's quickening heartbeat. What had upset his lover?

As he looked at Blair his cock jumped to attention. Damn, Blair was beautiful. He took in his lover's naked body and felt another surge of lust. His hard cock pressed against his jeans and Jim moved it into a more comfortable position, knowing he couldn't hide his aroused state from Blair, nor did he want to.

"Blair? Babe?" Jim said eventually and caught Blair's big eyes as his lover stared at him. Then Blair's eyes drifted lower and settled on his groin area.

"How did I get here?" Blair asked and cocked his head. Was it just his imagination or was Jim sporting a very healthy erection? Suddenly, he remembered that he was naked and wanted to use the comforter to cover up his nakedness. But Jim was beside him within seconds and took hold of his wrists. His breath was coming quickly now as he stared at Jim for an answer.

"Don't," Jim told him, loving the sight of Blair's naked body. "Don't be ashamed."

"Jim?" Uncertainty colored Blair's tone.

"I carried you up here," Jim explained and allowed his fingers to trail up Blair's arm. His lover trembled at the touch. "You were in the wrong bed."

"Wrong bed?" Blair quipped and relaxed a little. "For one moment I thought everything had just been a dream…"

"No dream," Jim clarified and licked his lips. "You look good enough to eat, baby." His fingers now reached Blair's nipples and he rolled one of them between his fingertips. Blair's moan shot straight into his groin and his erection throbbed in protest.

Blair leaned in a little closer. //Not a dream. This is really happening!//

Jim studied Blair's eyes and noticed the dilated pupils. "What do you want, baby?" He had a pretty good idea what Blair wanted, but he wanted to hear it first.

"Come inside me?" Blair whispered his heart's desire. "That will make our first time special."

"Blair," Jim started, "have you ever been with a man?" He turned his attention to Blair's other neglected nipple and squeezed it gently. Blair was hard now and Jim wanted to taste the droplets of pre- ejaculate that dripped from his lover's cock.

"Kissing, yes… touching, yes… but I never went all the way with a guy," Blair admitted. "I never felt comfortable enough to do that." He arched his back and sat upright with a start as Jim's finger brushed the tip of his cock.

Jim nodded his head and brought one finger, which was coated in Blair's pre- ejaculate to his nose to sniff it. "Are you sure about this, baby? Considering that is your first time, don't you rather want to top?"

"No… " Blair said softly and spread his legs. "I want you to take care of me. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, it does, babe." Jim's mouth watered as Blair exposed himself to him. "I will take care of you."

"Now?" Blair begged and lay back down. He pushed a pillow beneath his hips and placed his feet on Jim's thighs, offering himself to his lover.

Jim swallowed hard. "Need to get the lube, baby. I don't want to hurt you the first time we make love."

"Then hurry, dammit!" Blair cursed impatiently and wiggled on the bed.

Jim didn't waste any time answering his lover and rushed downstairs. He grabbed the tube and climbed the stairs again. The sight that greeted him made him drool. Blair had turned onto his stomach, and the pillow was still underneath his hips, making his ass stand out. "Babe," Jim whispered and quickly slipped out of his jeans to free his pounding erection. He stroked himself once, but then recomposed himself. He had some special plans for their first time together.

Blair had closed his eyes and nervously waited for Jim's return. In spite of his big mouth he felt extremely nervous. He had never done this before and didn't really know what to expect. When Jim's fingers caressed the small of his back, he tensed.

"We'll take our time, babe," Jim promised and stared at Blair's gorgeous ass. Okay, maybe he had been wrong. Maybe he wanted to top, craved to top. Blair's ass fitted perfect in the palm of his hands as he kneaded it.

"What about a massage first?" Jim retrieved the bottle of massage oil that he kept in the nightstand and squeezed a general amount in his hand. Sometimes, during the night, an old injury he suffered acted up and massaging his knee usually drove away the pain.

Blair bit into the pillow as Jim's agile hands started to massage his shoulders. But Jim's cock still pressed against his ass and Blair buried his fingers in the sheets. He had never before felt such sweet torture!

Jim worked on the tense muscles and finally Blair relaxed beneath his touch. One oily finger slid between Blair's ass cheeks and soughed out the entrance to his lover's body. Blair's barely contained growl pleased Jim as he teased the little pucker. "Not yet, lover… not yet."

Blair sighed relieved. He didn't feel he was ready for the deed just yet. He didn't struggle as Jim rolled him onto his back again and this time their eyes met. //What am I nervous?// Blair wondered as he stared into Jim's eyes, reading only love and passion in them. Jim had promised to take care of him. //I hate being a virgin at this!//

Jim was still straddling Blair's hips, but moved down his lover's legs a little to take in the younger man's body. Blair's cock was heavily leaking pre- ejaculate and the tight sac seemed about to explode. As his fingers brushed Blair's erect nipples, his lover moaned helplessly. "You like that?"

"More please…" Blair groaned and his eyes grew big as Jim leaned forward to flick his tongue over the hard nubs of flesh. "Ah…" Blair moaned and arched his back. His hands were still buried in the sheets.

"I want to go down on you," Jim said and carefully monitored his lover's reaction. Blair forgot to breathe for a second and the blue eyes darkened impossibly. "I take it that's a yes?"

"I'm clean," Blair whispered in a moment of lucidity. "Always got tested…"

Jim nodded his head. It would have surprised him if Blair hadn't been careful. The younger man knew what dangers he faced in today's society. "Relax and enjoy the ride," he advised and leaned in closer. His tongue left behind a wet trail on Blair's chest and he bit teasingly into the chest hair.

Blair's toes curled and all he could do was stare at his lover. //Jim is my lover!// part of his brain finally registered. Suddenly, a wet and cat like tongue licked the tip of his cock and Blair thought he would come right there and then. "Jim… too intense man," he whispered.

"It's okay. I want you to come. It will take off the edge for you." Jim smiled and relished the taste of his lover's essence on his tongue. Determined to make Blair scream with pleasure he returned to the red flesh in front of him and licked the slit. Blair jerked beneath him and Jim quickly placed a restraining hand on his lover's hips.

Blair stared helplessly as Jim's lips closed around his aching cock. Slowly, tormentingly slow, Jim took in more of his cock. Blair released the sheets and gripped Jim's shoulders to support him. "Jim…"

Jim looked up and grinned smugly. //I'm just getting started, darling,// he thought amused and ran his tongue up and down the length of Blair's shaft. Blair bucked again and encouraged, Jim sucked the tip of his lover's cock hard.

"Jimmm!" Blair exclaimed deliriously and bit his lower lip as he tried not to thrust into Jim's hot mouth.

Jim ignored his lover's moans and wrapped his fingers around the base of Blair's cock and slowly pumped it.

Blair lost himself in the sensations and surrendered completely to his lover. Jim's tongue stroked his hard flesh and teeth gently scraped down his cock. Then Jim sucked gently and Blair lost his last bit of control

Blair was close to orgasm and Jim intensified his efforts to bring his lover to climax. He also curled his fingers around his own throbbing erection. He wanted to come as well, that way he would last longer once he was buried in Blair's body. Fisting his own cock roughly he concentrated on Blair.

Blair thrust into Jim's mouth and came with a roar. His body tensed as his cock shot its load into Jim's mouth. Blair stared at his lover, suddenly realizing that Jim was swallowing his come. "Jimmmm," he purred and caressed his lover's face. Waves of ecstasy coursed through his body and Blair tried to sit up to kiss Jim, but his lover kept him in place.

Jim groaned. The sensation was exquisite. The moment Blair exploded into his mouth he came as well and his hot semen splashed over his hand. He didn't get the time to ride out the ecstasy, as he was too busy milking Blair's cock to the last drop. He swallowed every drop of come and then licked his lover clean.

The sensation of that hot tongue licking off every last remnant of come made Blair go weak inside. He had always wondered what kind of lover Jim would be, but this was fucking unbelievable!

"That was great, baby," Jim purred contentedly and pushed himself up onto his elbows. He stared into Blair's draped eyes and leaned in closer to kiss Blair.

Blair was still riding on the last waves of his orgasm when he tasted himself on Jim's lips. He sighed deeply and grabbed Jim passionately, pulling his lover closer until Jim covered his body, pressing him down. "Thank you," he whispered.

"Do you still want me inside you?" Jim asked to make certain. Although he had come only seconds ago he was growing hard again.

"Yeah, want to feel you inside me. I want you to claim me," Blair breathed. All his defences were gone and his barriers down. He would do everything Jim would ask him.

"Want to know a secret?" Jim asked as he licked Blair's throat, indulging himself in nibbling on his lover's earlobe.

"What secret?" Blair shifted position until Jim rested between his legs and he continued to wrap them around Jim's waist. He felt completely relaxed.

"I loved to bottom while I was in the military. Can you tell I love giving blow jobs?"

Blair smiled lazily and his hand moved down to cup his lover's ass. "I can tell." But Jim's first admission surprised him. "You love to bottom?'

"I love to take it up the ass," Jim made his point very clearly. "But…"

"But?" Blair held his breath. //Jim can't want me to top!// He loved it when Jim was in control, when Jim made him feel like he had done a moment ago.

"But you're changing that, Blair." His hand returned to Blair's cock and found his lover hardening again. "I caught myself drooling at the thought of making you mine. I want to be inside you."

Blair sighed relieved. "And I want you to take me. It feels right that way, you know?" Seeing Jim's puzzled expression he explained. "I feel like I'm in control most of the time. When I screw up guiding you, you zone out or something worse happens. You could get shot or… I need to let go once in a while. I need you to take control too."

"And to take care of you," Jim said, understanding perfectly. "Baby, your ass begs to be taken… I want you now."

Blair swallowed the lump of nervousness that had formed in his throat. "How do you want me? I read that…"

But Jim cut him short. "What way would work best for you?" His hand stroked Blair's erection and moved over the sac. "I will last for quite some time. Choose a comfortable position, sweetheart."

"That's why you wanted us to come before…" Blair licked his lips. "I don't know, man. You're the experienced one here." //I will last long… long!// Blair thought and his cock jumped happily in Jim's hand. //Long! But what if it hurts?//

Jim caught the sudden fear in Blair's eyes. "I will be careful, baby, never hurt you."

That reassured Blair and he kissed Jim passionately, parting his lover's teeth. He hungrily suckled the tip of Jim's tongue. "You chose the position," he said after releasing his lover.

Jim realized that Blair needed him to take the lead. "I want to see your face," he said eventually. That way he could better gauge Blair's reactions. He couldn't just rely on his senses. "On your back?" It wasn't the best position for their first time, but it would reassure Blair if his lover could see his face.

Blair nodded happily. He had hoped that Jim would want him that way. Getting up on all fours and facing the wall would have made him feel vulnerable.

"I'm going to stretch you first," Jim explained and positioned the pillow beneath Blair's back. "Rest your legs on my shoulders. That way you won't get any muscle cramps."

Blair obeyed and suddenly felt exposed. Jim loomed over him and he was fully open to his lover.

"Having second thoughts?" Jim remembered the first time he had bottomed and the stress and fear that accompanied it. Passion had been pushed back because he hadn't known what to expect.

"No, just being nervous," Blair assured him and grabbed the sheets again. "Please, Jim."

Jim smiled. Blair still tried to be in control, but that would vanish once they got started. He opened the tube with KY jelly and coated his index finger with the lube. "Okay, try to relax?"

Blair nodded his head and expected Jim to insert that finger into him, but instead Jim's lips claimed his and engaged him in a deep kiss. He had almost forgotten about that finger when Jim slowly pushed inside. His eyes grew big at the invading sensation. The KY jelly was cold, but quickly warmed inside his body.

"How does that feel?" Jim asked concerned. "Talk to me, Blair. Use those fancy words."

"Those fancy words are gone, man," Blair managed to quip and clenched his muscle around Jim's finger, which suddenly slid in deeper. "Jim?"

"You're awfully relaxed," Jim realized amused and traced the inside of Blair's lips with his tongue. "But you didn't answer my question. How does it feel?" He was intent on keeping contact with Blair. Yeah, he could simply thrust inside and fuck his lover, but that would destroy this sweet madness. He wanted Blair to enjoy this as much as he did.

"It’s… odd," Blair ventured at last and tightened his muscle again, squeezing down on Jim's finger. "I like it… can you move it?"

"In a second, Darwin." Jim slowly drew circles with his finger. Later, he would seek out Blair's prostate. "You like that too?"

Blair was speechless and nodded his head. This felt divine!

"We'll try two now," Jim explained and drew back. Blair moaned at the loss and Jim smiled. "You really want me, don't you?" He'd expected Blair to be tense, but his lover gladly yielded to him, seemed even eager for more. After generously coating two fingers, he kissed Blair again and this time he suckled Blair's tongue. Blair arched his back in response and Jim's fingers easily slid inside.

"Jimmm," Blair cried out at the delicious sensation. He looked down and swallowed hard at the sight. Two of Jim's fingers had disappeared inside him and he loved the pressure in his ass!

Jim began to scissor his fingers, stretching his lover fully. "You want my cock next?" Blair was so relaxed that his lover could easily take him. "You might be sore in the morning though."

"Small price to pay," Blair joked and pushed down on Jim's fingers. His body felt aflame.

His own need had built to maximum and Jim pulled back to coat his cock with KY. "This time it will feel different. Tell me when it hurts?" Jim pumped his cock twice and then moved into position between his lover's legs. His shoulders still supported Blair's legs and his cock twitched eagerly to get inside his lover's body.

Blair focused on his breathing and looked up at Jim. "Make me yours?" Jim's cock rubbed against his entrance and Blair drew in a deep breath. As Jim started to push inside, Blair realized his lover had been right. This felt different. Jim's cock was a lot bigger than those two fingers and he moaned as a wave of pain hit him.

"Relax, Blair," Jim froze and leaned in closer to lick his lover's nipples. He curled his fingers around Blair's softening cock and stroked it. "You want me inside, don't you? Want me to claim you? Want to feel me deep inside?"

"Fuck yes!" Blair exclaimed and pushed back.

Jim almost lost his control when Blair arched against him. He slid deeper into Blair's body. "Halfway, baby," he told Blair. "Just relax." Blair's cock was hardening in his hand and he used his free hand to cup Blair's ass.

Blair sucked in his breath when Jim pushed in deeper. This time he managed to relax and suddenly Blair realized that Jim was completely inside him. Jim's balls slapped against his ass and he released his breath.

"Talk to me, Blair." Jim hoped he could control his own raging passion. Damn, Blair was taking him completely and he was sheathed to the hilt inside Blair's body. "You're tight, baby." He didn't move, giving Blair a chance to get used to the invasion.

"Feels good," Blair whispered. "Just me give a moment here." Blair wiggled slightly and caught Jim's desperate moan. "Jim?" As he stared into his lover's clouded eyes, he smiled. He was doing this to Jim Ellison! He was making the Sentinel moan!

"Baby, I've got to start moving or I'll come…" Blair's hot tightness was driving him insane.

"Then start moving tough, no, big guy!" Blair said jokingly and pressed his body deeper into the mattress. "Make love to me!"

"We’re already doing that," Jim said passionately and straightened his back, while he continued to stroke Blair's cock. His first thrust was hesitant, careful not to hurt his lover, but he hoped he had the angle right and that he would brush Blair's prostate.

Blair's eyes grew impossibly big as a flash of fire moved through his body. It started somewhere in his ass and washed through his entire body.

"There is more where that came from, baby," Jim said and thrust again. This time he almost pulled out completely before thrusting back into Blair's warmth again and he brushed his lover's prostate.

"Jim!" Blair yelped and locked eyes with his lover. "Stop stroking me… don't want to come yet."

Jim obliged and used both his hands to support his lover's ass. "Keep talking to me, baby." His thrust grew harder, deeper and he tried to brush Blair's prostate each time.

"Oh man, never thought…" Blair had to pause as Jim's thrust pushed him towards the headboard of the bed. "… that it would be this intense…" He arched his back to give Jim a chance to thrust deeper and cried out as another thrust pushed him over the bed. "You weren't lying…were you?" he said breathlessly.

Jim growled pleased. "I'll last… tell me what you want…" He was about to lose himself in Blair's hot body, but kept holding on. This was Blair's first time and he wanted to blow his lover away. //No, fuck his brains out,// his other head commented happily.

Blair's head hit the headboard and Jim's pounding thrusts kept pushing him over the bed. "Change… position?" he whispered helplessly.

Jim groaned… Did Blair want him to pull back from that hot little hole? "Make up your mind, quickly!" His movement froze and he stared at Blair's red cock, which was begging him for release.

"Yeah, I need to get into a different position!" Blair stated. "Or I will end up with a cracked skull. Man, never knew there would be that much power behind your thrusts…"

Jim groaned. Why had he told Blair to keep talking to him? "Hold on," he warned Blair and pulled out of his lover's body.

Blair's heart missed a beat at the loss, but he didn't waste any time and turned onto his stomach. He ignored the muscle spasm in his right leg and kneeled in front of Jim. After placing his hands against the headboard he wiggled his ass provocatively. He hesitated briefly…but then blurted out… "Fuck me!"

Jim lost control when Blair presented his ass to him and he plunged inside again, thrusting brutally and penetrating his lover as deeply as possible. He grabbed Blair's cock and fisted it roughly. "Come for me, baby."

Blair panted heavily and looked over his shoulder at Jim. His mind lost all ability to think rationally at the sight of the sexy man behind him, thrusting inside, stroking and fucking him! His own primal instincts took over and he growled and grunted at each of Jim's thrusts, tightening his muscle on purpose each time Jim brushed against his prostate.

Jim howled and placed his entire body weight on Blair. "You're mine, baby…" he panted into Blair's ear and followed up on that statement with a series of short feral thrusts.

Blair went weak and his knees almost gave out on him as he came. His come shot over Jim's hand, but his lover continued to stroke him, drawing out the last drop of semen. "Jimmmm," he whimpered and pushed back when something hot and sticky filled him. "You came inside me…" he whispered stunned.

Jim was only capable of growling and pressed his lips at the back of Blair's neck, suckling the skin roughly, marking his lover possessively. Blair's muscle spasm almost knocked him unconscious and Jim clung to his lover as he shot his semen into Blair, claiming him, finally acknowledging the bond between them.

Blair collapsed and dropped heavily onto the bed. Jim was pushing him down, almost taking his breath away, but Blair even enjoyed this sensation. He was completely spent, but still lucid enough to realize that Jim was still inside him and he didn't want to lose this connection.

Jim finally registered Blair's labored breathing and wrapped his arms around his lover, rolling them onto their sides. He lay spooned behind Blair, his cock still buried inside Blair's body. "I love you, babe," he whispered soothingly and stroked Blair's locks. "Did I hurt you?" Shit, towards the end of their lovemaking he had lost control and acted like a brute! He sniffed the air and only encountered their mixed scents, semen and sweat, but no blood.

"You didn't hurt me, tough guy," Blair giggled, high on adrenaline.

"I've got to pull back, sweetheart… this might hurt," he warned Blair.

Blair kept perfectly still and whimpered as a tiny wave of pain coursed through him. "You're right. I'm sore," he said tiredly. "Can we stay in bed?"

"Take a long bath once you feel up to it?" Jim advised and covered them with the comforter. Blair had just blown away his last doubts about being the top in this relationship. "I love your ass, baby."

"And your cocks seems to love it too," Blair said and closed his eyes. "We're going to be glued together," he remarked sleepily. His ass already felt glued to Jim's groin.

"Don't worry about it," Jim said soothingly as he monitored Blair's breathing, which indicated that his lover was falling asleep. "I'll help you clean up once you wake up again." He cherished the treasure in his arms and winced at the sight of the mark he had left on Blair's neck. "I'll buy you a turtleneck shirt," he offered, but Blair didn't reply. His lover slept the sleep of the sated.

The end April 2001