Title: Guide Me

Author/pseudonym: Ophelia

Email address: Opheliafic@hotmail.com

Rating: PG-13

Pairings: J/B or will be. =)

Status: new, Complete part one

Date: Nov. 30, 1998

Archive: Yes to Blairfic

Archive author: Ophelia

Series/Sequel: yes - Alternate Visions Universe

Other website: nope not yet =)

Disclaimers: They are not mine (wish they were), this is not intended to infringe on any of the copy writes held by UPN or Petfly. I am not making any money off of this.

Notes/Summary: This is a Sentinel Too fix. One in a series that I hope will be out on semi-regular bases. This is pre-slash (give me time, I had lots of problems to fix here), this pick's up right before the "To be continued" flashed on the screen.

Warnings: This is my first time posting, I normally get my friend to post for me. Sorry if I am do it wrong. Other then that, no warnings.

Dedication: To all those who pushed me and helped me and held my hand. I am forever in your debt. Thanks!

By Ophelia

Simon and Brown had been holding him back. The sun shone in his eyes and he turned it down, " … just like you taught me, Chief," Jim thought, as he stared at his partner. He knew he was fighting against his friends. Fighting against the dead silence that he heard or rather didn't hear, from Blair's chest. Dimly he registered that he was telling them something. That Blair was not dead. That this was not over; he would not, could not, lose another one.

"Why are they telling me to let it go? Don't they understand that this is not over? Alex can't win. She won't win! I could not have screwed up this bad," Jim's mind was yelling at anyone who would listen, "he can't be gone, he just can't, if only I could hold him and touch him, it would be alright."

"NO! Let me go!" he yelled, tears that he had not realized were there starting to fall.

It took what seemed like an eternity, but he broke free and fell to his knees by Blair's head. Gently, he picked up his Guide and began rocking, whispering so softly that only a person with Sentinel hearing could hear: "You can't leave me Chief, I need you. We aren't done yet; you never leave things unfinished. This Sentinel thing is not over; our friendship is not over. Please, you have so much more to teach me, so much to live for. Wake up, Blair. Please, just wake the hell up."

Desperation colored his tone. His mind was suddenly clear that he had never told his friend, his friend had died not knowing that Jim had wanted him to stay.

Simon crept forward and with compassion in his eyes knelt beside Jim. "Jim, let it go, he's gone. You can't save him this time." Regret and anger flowed over the Captain. He should have had someone with the kid, at least until they had apprehended Alex. Sandburg did not deserve this; he was an observer and a friend. Sorrow flowed over his face as he waited for Jim to look at him.

Jim turned his head to face his captain, rage and hurt shining bright in his eyes. "Go away! You don't understand, do you? You never really did. You don't know what the hell is going on. I DO! Leave. Just leave!"

Standing, Simon looked around. This was bad. Jim was not dealing with the pain and anger; he was letting it out in a major way. With Jim in this state, they would all die if they tried to remove Blair from his arms. Looking down at his detective, crouched over his partner, it then struck him. This was not just a friend losing a friend, or a partner losing the other, this was a Sentinel who had just lost the one person that had understood him. What that fully meant who knew, "Sandburg would know," his mind reminded him, "or he would figure it out." But in the here and now, Jim had a murderous look in his eyes. It was easy to see that his protective streak was on full here and for the life of him Simon didn't know how to turn it off. Going with the flow, the only hope was that Jim would pull himself out of it, without Sandburg. Sighing deeply, he went back down to Jim's side.

"Okay Jim, tell you what. Let's get him someplace safe, then you can do what you want. But you can't stay here in broad daylight holding Blair. All right? Let's take him into his office or something."

Seeing Simon' s point, Jim nodded. He never let go of his guide as he got to unsteady feet and started a slow walk toward the building. The limp body in his arms was cradled to his chest, Blair's head resting under his chin. Damp curls sending chills down his spine.

"Rafe, help him inside. Hold the doors open or whatever, but DO NOT touch the kid or Jim. Got it?"

Nodding, and wiping his face free of tears that he did not realize were falling, Rafe motioned for the others to get the doors.

Simon assured the paramedics that the body would be returned, but that as part of a religious custom the best friend needed time with the corpse to honor the man's life. With all that Sandburg practiced, there had to be some truth in that, right? A grim smile crossed his face as a thought danced in his head, "obfuscating was always your strong suite, Blair, hope I did you proud." Sucking in his gut he followed the others, now was not the time to break apart and cry, even if that was what your heart screamed at you to do.

Jim made his way to Blair's office. He had no idea who was opening the doors, he was just glad that they were. The body he held had a chill to it. It was damp, and flexible. This was a good sign, his brain thought. Instinctively he held the body closer, trying to give it some of his warmth. "Blair you always were so cold," Jim mused.

Laying Blair on the futon, he went to the door, and after closing and locking it, he pushed the desk against it. No one was taking his guide from him. They were going to have to kill him first. If it meant getting killed by the Cascade PD, well, fine, he could do that. But his Guide was not going to be left unprotected again, in this life or the next.

Shutting the blinds from prying eyes, he went to his friend. Laying down next to him, he whispered the words that had taken root in his heart.

"Blair, you need to come back. I can't do this alone. I never could. You know that, that's why you haven't left. You know I need you. I never had to tell you what I needed, you always knew. You were there for me and I was not there for you. For that I'm very sorry. I tried Blair, I really did. It has been so long since I had a real friend. I need that in my life. I see that now. I was hurting so much, I still am. But, it is not what you think. This Sentinel thing, it is so much more than either of us planned or understood. We both made mistakes and need to correct them. Blair, come back to me. Let me help fix the wrongs. Let me find a way to prove to you that I am good enough to be your friend and your Sentinel." The last words were a soft whisper of the truth: "You are my best friend and I love you."

Jim felt a pull deep in his soul, and his eyes would not obey the command to stay open. He fell softly into a trance, entering the realm of dreamtime.

Standing in the hall, Simon looked at his officers, and Blair's friends. None of them could believe this was happening. The expressions they all wore told that, and the grief they were all trying so hard to hide. Knowing full well that once everyone had their privacy, the tears would fall freely. That was the way it was; never cry at the scene, go home, and deal with it there.

Glancing at Megan, he saw the look of shock and grief that was plastered on her face. Had she ever lost someone like this before? As if knowing she was being watched she met his eyes.

"What is he doing in there?"

Damn good question lady. Simon shifted around; he wanted to know what Jim was doing too. But knowing that she needed an answer, he shrugged "Saying goodbye?"

"Capt." Rafe called, "How long should we leave them in there? I mean, I understand what he is going through but…" suddenly feeling uncomfortable, he looked away.

Placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder, Simon looked into his sad eyes. "I know what you're saying. Let's just give him a few more minutes, then we will go in."

The blue haze was back in his world. And there was that wolf. Reaching for his arrow he froze, the wolf was not attacking him. It was just finding him, tracking him. Coming to him. Why kill what does not attack? His mind flashed to the morphing of the wolf, to Blair, from past visions. He leaned down to pet the creature.

"Lead my friend, and I will follow"

The wolf turned and started to trot, Jim followed dead on its heels. It led them to a temple; it was the place that Jim had once glimpsed in one of Blair' s books. The Temple had something to do with the Sentinel legend, but his mind blanked out the rest.

The wolf went up the steps and Jim moved to follow, but then a familiar panther jumped in front of the doorway, successfully blocking his entry into the temple. Jim watched as the wolf went inside. Turning to face the large cat, Jim watched as it morphed into an image of himself. Jim knew this to be a test, a time when he had to face himself as he had in other visions.

"What do you fear?" the image began.

"I fear being guideless"

"Why? You did not want the Guide."

Jim shook his head in denial, contradicting his actions of the past few days, he stated firmly, "But I do."

"No, you pushed your Guide away."

"To protect him. She was after me, I needed to get him away from me, to protect him."

"You have put him in danger before, what was different this time?"

"She was a Sentinel."

"So, you gave her your Guide." The image shot back.

Is that what he had done? "No! That was not supposed to happen." His voice firm in its denial, inside he was miserable from a truth he had not realized until now.

"You did not trust your Guide with the truth." The image accused.

"No, I didn't." He had not trusted Blair with this. He never told him what he had been seeing and feeling these past few days, he never even really tried. No, he hadn't even trusted the kid enough to listen when Blair had reached out.

"So you do not need a Guide."

"Yes, I mean NO! I need him. I need my Guide. I know that now, I need him to show me the path. I need him to help me understand. I need him."

"You learn, but you do not admit all that you know."

"I… can't. Sandburg would kill me."

"Your Guide is no longer there. Admit the truth. Admit everything you know, or all is lost."

"I need a guide, I need him to be my guide. I need my friend. I need my… love." Jim sat down on the steps, staggering over the truth that he had just spoken out into the openness of this jungle. Tears clouded his vision and fell. He cried for the lost time, and the loss of his companion. Suddenly, his soul filled with the overwhelming need to make it right with the world again.

"I need Blair. I need my Guide."

"Sentinel, you have done well. Go inside and you will find what you seek. Tell him what he needs to know, for he is just as lost as you are." The image spoke the words as he once again morphed into the big cat.

The cat moved aside and sat, licking its paws. Standing, Jim moved with the easy grace of the cat, and went inside. Using his sentinel sight to guide him, he found his way easily into the main room where the wolf lay on an altar, Jim's arrow sticking out of its side, Incacha standing above him.

Guilt thickened his voice to a soft rasp; "Incacha, help him. I cannot let him die. Help the wolf."

"The wolf needs to know why I should try, Sentinel. It needs to understand." Incacha replied.

Watching in wonder, the wolf morphed again into Blair, a wet Blair, a beautiful Blair, with an arrow in his heart. Walking to kneel in front of him, Jim brushed wet hair away from that beloved face. The face he wanted to see for the rest of eternity. Jim's heart froze in his chest at the sight of the damage he had caused.

Sorrow and fear became his world, he pleaded: "Blair, I know you can hear me. I need you to guide me. I need you to be with me, I need you to trust me. But most of all I need you. I love you." Leaning in, he placed a chaste kiss on cold damp lips. "It is time I right the wrongs."

Standing, he moved down to the arrow and pulled it out, breaking it in half.

Looking over his friend's form, betrayal knifed through his chest. He had betrayed his guide when he had let that arrow fly. Guilt rushed forth on the tails of the betrayal. Jim opened his soul, and made a vow: "Never again will I kill what I need to survive. Never again will I take for granted that which shows me the way in life. Never again will I wrong you, my friend, my Guide, my Love."

Incacha moved before him, and pushed him back. The breath that had been absent from dead lungs returned and the body was plunged back into life, away from the cold hand of death. A heartbeat sounded loudly in the room. It was a symphony in Jim's head, the most glorious sound he could ever hear.

Sitting up, Blair looked around, seeing Jim, the room, Incacha! He stopped in his wonder as flashes of water, of darkness, of the pain in his chest, hit him full force. "I'm dead."

"No," Incacha spoke, holding Blair's gaze. "Not yet. In the real world you have passed. But there is hope. Guide, did you listen to what your Sentinel said? Do you understand what he needs of you?" Blair understood the words Incacha spoke. Not certain of the how or why he answered the Shaman.

"Do you mean, do I understand what he has just learned? That he accepts me as his guide, that he needs me." Blair held his chin up "Yes, I understand."

"Guide, you have a choice. Go with your Sentinel now, become the Shaman, be the Guide."

"Or Die" Blair finished for him.

Incacha looked sad. "It was not meant to happen this way. You know much, but you still have a long way to go. It was meant to happen much later. But as this can not be changed, you must choose. You still have a choice. Join your Sentinel and let him protect you, or rejoin the circle of life and be born into the next form that is your destiny."

Blair looked at Jim, seeing the look of love shine in his eyes. How long had he waited to see that look? What did he want? He wanted Jim. But the choice was not as easy as it once had been. The history of the past few months was there and could not be denied. And the thought of the next form he could become boggled his mind. What was he leaving behind to join the New World he only had a glimpse of? What was so necessary to him in this Old World? The answers stood before him with unshed tears in his eyes. Jim.

Taking courage and fate into his hands, he spoke the vow he knew he had made years before: "I choose my Sentinel. I chose to be the Guide, Shaman of the Village. I will lead my Sentinel where he needs to go."

Incacha smiled. "You have chosen well, my young guide. You have just lifted yourself to a higher plain of being, and you will eventually be rewarded for it. Sentinel, take your guide. Go protect the Great City. It calls you."

Blair rose from the platform and on unsteady legs made his way to Jim. Not fully understanding what was going on, but knowing that now they would be together to figure it out, calmed him. He wanted to tell Jim so many things. All of the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that he had been keeping from him; but in the end they only embraced. Too many things needed to be said, and Blair had no clue where to start. As Jim opened his mouth to speak, Blair pressed his fingers to Jim's lips. "Not here, Jim, later. Let's go home." Smiling, Jim kissed the fingertips that lay against his lips.

"You're the Guide." Taking his hand, they walked out of the room.

Incacha smiled as he watched Panther and Wolf walk into their destiny.

Damn, his chest hurt. Wait, I can't breathe! Blair panicked. Trying to form words that stuck in his throat, he tried to call out.

Jim bolted upright; Blair's eyes were frantically searching for help. Rolling him onto his side, he slapped the student on his back and water poured forth. Hearing Blair cough and sputter, Jim held Blair's head as spasms rocked his friend's body.

Simon heard the sounds of someone choking. Water splashing? No, hitting the floor. He knocked on the door. "Jim, what are you doing in there?"

"He' s alive! Come and help him NOW!"

Simon had heard the yell, and wearily began his reasoning; "Jim, I know you want Blair to be..." A cough that sounded like Sandburg's filled his ears. Simon didn't hesitate, "Rafe, Brown, help me open this door." The two men exchanged a worried glance but positioned themselves to break the door off it's hinges.

Standing no chance against the three of them the doors flew open and soon Simon was gazing about the room. He stood bolted to the floor in amazement as he watched Jim holding onto Blair, Blair coughing and choking, as water and phlegm poured out of his mouth as he tried to breathe.

"Dear lord! Get me a Doctor in here now!" Simon bellowed with all that was in him. He walked over to the two lying on the futon. Careful to avoid the mess that now coated the floor, he passed Blair a trash can. "Jim, what the hell did you do?"

"Some other time Simon." Jim responded as he continued to hold Blair's head, whispering reassurances.

Something had changed, Simon could see that. It was in the way Jim held Blair, the way Blair leaned into the touch. It was as if Blair needed that touch. Things were going to get interesting.

As the paramedics rushed in, checking Blair's vitals and placing the oxygen was not easy. Not when you had an overprotective Sentinel in the way. But having Jim near was what Blair seemed to want, so Simon didn't order him away. Pacing, Simon wondered when the next church service was. He really had to thank the powers that be.

Rafe wandered back out into the hall. Relief and joy washed over him. The kid was going to be all right! In a hushed whisper he offered a prayer of thanks.

Brown had followed Rafe out, standing by his friend, he had a smile on his face. Things were going to work out.

"Hey, Rafe"

Looking up at his friend, Rafe knew he wore a silly grin. "Yeah Brown?"

"Wanna beer?"

A small chuckle escaped his lips: "You're buying."

Simon stopped in mid stride as they rolled the stretcher out into the hall. Blair was protesting that he was fine and just needed sleep. Typical of Sandburg, he really hated hospitals. Jim leaned over and looked at his young guide, friend, soon to be lover's face and whispered: "I am coming with you."

Looking at his partner, Blair smiled; "Damn right you are."

Simon cleared his throat and took Blair's hand, "Blair, you take care. I'll check in on you soon." Turning he took Jim by the arm: "You take care of him."

"Thanks, Simon" the partners chimed in.

"Get him out of here." Simon bellowed, and the paramedics couldn't comply fast enough.

Megan watched her captain. Simon was drained as he watched them take Blair away, leaning against the wall he rubbed his eyes.

"Simon?" her voice was shaking "What is going on here?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." There was a touch of humor in his voice where before only grief was present.

"Somehow I thought you would say that." Smiling, she started for the exit.

"Hey, wanna drive Jim's truck?"

"Are you kidding?"

"I need someone to take it to the hospital, Rafe and Brown seem to have disappeared. You game?"

"How would Sandy put it? 'I am so there man!' " She was laughing and Simon was happy about that.

"Let's go."

Stay tuned for the continuing story