Title: Full circle.

Fandom: The Sentinel.

Paring: Jim/Blair.

Rating: NC-17.

Status: Finished.

Category: alternate universe, first time, romance.

Archive: Yes, just drop me a note telling me where you're archiving it.

Series/Sequel: stand alone.

Disclaimer: The Sentinel is a creation by Danny Bilson and Paul DeMeo and belongs to Paramount Pictures, Pet Fly Productions & UPN.

Summary: Jim finds out why Blair's depressed during Christmas.

Spoilers: Takes place somewhere in season 2. It's Blair's first

Christmas at the loft.

Notes: Italics is thought.

Warning; m/m. Spell checked only!

FULL CIRCLE

by Morgana

"Come on, Hairboy! This Christmas tree desperately needs some lights!"

"Sorry, H, but the paperwork doesn't wait and..." Blair quickly ducked when H tried to push the Christmas lights into his hands. "I'm sure Joel wants to help out, man!"

Feeling uncomfortable, Jim watched the scene unfold. Why was Blair trying to leave the mayhem before it'd even started? That wasn't like him. He'd thought Sandburg would love to decorate the Christmas tree and the bullpen, but the anthropologist was trying to make himself invisible. What's going on, Chief? Blair sat down opposite him and began to type furiously, but Jim noticed the slumped shoulders and defeated expression in his friend's eyes. It was Blair's first Christmas at the station and at the loft, and Jim was clueless to why Blair was acting like this. Yeah, he knew Blair was Jewish, but he'd seen the anthropologist happily participate during other Christian holidays, so what was different now?

Jim's nose twitched as he smelled saline in the air. It took him a moment to determine its source. Why are you crying, Chief? And why are you trying to hide it from me? Jim tried not to stare at his partner when Blair wiped away the few tears that left the corner of his eye. Something was wrong and he intended to find out what it was. "Hey, Chief, wanna call it an early night? We didn't get much sleep last night at stakeout."

As Blair's blue eyes met his, they were still filled with unshed tears, but the young man had regained control over his emotions. Jim swallowed hard. Suddenly he didn't want to return to the loft where he'd be alone with Blair. Earlier on, when Blair had been at Rainier, Jim had hauled a Christmas tree upstairs without his partner's knowledge and he'd even collected the old Christmas stuff from the basement so they could decorate the loft. For some reason he felt like he'd made a major mistake. Maybe he should have made sure Blair was okay with putting up the Christmas stuff.

"You think Simon will let us go?" Blair finished his report and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Leaning back, he still
avoided looking Jim in the eyes. He knew he was acting like a jackass, but he hated Christmas, hated it with a passion. I don't
want to use you as my emotional punching bag, Jim, but you're close all the time!

Jim got to his feet, walked over to Simon's office, knocked and after hearing his Captain growl, he opened the door. "Sandburg and I are outta here."

Simon checked the time. "Is it that late already? I should be heading home myself. Daryl's spending the weekend with me. Will be great to have him around for Christmas."

Jim nodded his head, knowing how much Simon missed his son. "Am I still off for the weekend?" Tomorrow was Christmas Eve and he'd asked for some time off, which Simon had eventually granted him. It had taken a lot of persuasion on Jim's part, but in the end Simon had given them the weekend off.

"Yeah, take the kid home and make sure both of you get some sleep. Sandburg looks like death warmed over and what's up with his left eye?" Simon poured himself a nice cup of coffee, offering Jim one as well, but the detective declined.

"His left eye?" Jim turned around and focused on Blair, who was pinching his left eye shut. Tears flowed freely down his cheek and Blair was unsuccessful in stopping the tears. "I'll take care of it, Simon. Merry Christmas and thanks for the time off." Simon growled and Jim closed the door behind him.

"What did you do, buddy?" Jim sat on the desk beside Blair, who was now rubbing his left eye. "Don't do that." He caught Blair's hand and pulled it away. After forcing his partner to open the eye in question, he used his Sentinel vision to zero in on the injury. Blair's left eye was red and puffy and Jim noticed some exploded blood vessels and something else, which he couldn't identify, something that shouldn't be there. "What happened?"

"It's nothing," Blair objected weakly. "I was trying to staple the files when..."

"How the hell did you get a piece of metal in your eye?" Concerned, Jim leaned in closer. "The stapler?"

"It kinda exploded," Blair admitted softly and showed Jim the bits and pieces of metal in his hand.

Jim cupped Blair's chin in the palm of his hand and forced his partner to look up at him.

"Man, that hurts!" Blair tried to back away as the bright light invaded his eye.

"The metal has to go, Blair, and I can't remove it." Jim released Blair's chin and collected their coats. "You need to see an eye-
specialist, Blair."

"Come on, man. Everyone's heading home or going Christmas shopping and it's almost ten PM. Where are we going to find..." Blair sighed as Jim waited for him to slip in to his coat.

"Don't forget these." Jim handed Blair his mittens. "Let's go, Darwin."

"Go where?" Blair didn't want to admit it, but his eye throbbed and tears still flowed down his cheek. He should have known Jim would make him go see an eye-specialist. "Jim, I don't need to see a doctor." How the hell could he tell Jim that he no longer had medical insurance? He simply couldn't pay for the eye-specialist.

Jim heard Blair's heartbeat speed up and slung an arm around his partner's shoulder. Blair's sight was probably blurry and he couldn't see much through the tears. He guided Blair to their truck. "Buckle up, Chief and stop rubbing that eye!" He grabbed Blair's wrist again and forced it down. Small droplets of blood mingled with the tears. "Why don't you close those blues, Chief?"

Blair pressed back into the seat and allowed Jim to fasten his seatbelt. Remaining silent he knew he couldn't change Jim's mind. The Sentinel was going to take him to an eye-specialist whether he could afford one or not. He could worry about the bill once he got it.

Jim glanced at Blair and found that his partner's eyes had closed. "Try to relax, Darwin. We'll be at Doctor Gaston's office in
a few minutes."

///

"There, as good as new." Doctor Gaston shook his head. "But you've got to stop dropping by like this, Blair."

Blair sighed, wondering how Jim knew the name and address of his eye-specialist; he'd never told his partner and yet, Jim had known exactly whom to see. "It was an accident."

"You'll have to wear this eye-patch." Doctor Gaston slipped the black eye-patch in place and smiled. He'd had a lot of patients in the 25 years that he'd practiced medicine, but Blair was definitely one of the most stubborn. "You need to give your eye a chance to rest, Blair. I cleaned and rinsed it, but it's irritated and you don't want to risk an infection."

"You look like a pirate," Jim teased, trying to cheer up his partner who looked absolutely miserable.

"Keep a close 'eye' on him," Doctor Gaston quipped while gently squeezing Blair's shoulder. "His sight is limited and he'll bump in to things for the next few days. I want to see you in 4 days, Blair. Make an appointment."

Blair jumped off the exam table and almost stumbled. Yeah, his vision had been reduced all right. He could still see his doctor, but had to turn his head to catch a glimpse of Jim. "Can we go home now?"

Jim arched an eyebrow. What's going on with you, Chief? It isn't like you to act like this. I hardly recognize you. Something was definitely wrong and Jim quickly reassured the doctor that they would be back in four days. "Let's go, Darwin."

///

Blair remained quiet all the way home and the silence was making Jim nervous. "Blair? Does your eye still hurt?" Maybe the young man was this uncharacteristically quiet because he was in pain?

"Nah, it throbs, but I'm a big boy, man. I can deal with it." Blair pulled the coat closer to his body and realized it was just a matter of time before he'd have to explain his unusual behavior. He tensed as Jim parked the truck and they sat in silence. In the end it was Jim who spoke first.

"Did I do something wrong, Sandburg?" Blair's behavior puzzled him.

"It's not you, Jim. It's me." After releasing a heavy sigh Blair left the truck and headed for the elevator.

"I wish you'd talk to me, really talk to me, Chief." Jim got out of the truck as well and followed his partner. They rode the elevator in silence. Damn, I don't know how much more of this I can take! This silence is driving me mad!

Blair unlocked the door to the loft and tried to throw his keys in to the basket, but missed. He really hated wearing that eye-patch and considered pulling it off, but then Jim would have a fit and lecture him. Retreat was the easiest way out and he decided to head for his room.

Jim switched on the lights and bit his lip, realizing the tall Christmas tree was blocking Blair's way.

"What?" Blair had been staring at the floor and bumped in to the pine. "Jim?" Looking up, he found that several boxes, which contained Christmas decorations, stood open next to the tree. Goosebumps formed on his skin and he shivered. I wish you hadn't, Jim.

Jim quickly covered the distance between them and rested his hand on Blair's shoulder, making sure his partner wouldn't bolt. "You hate Christmas, don't you? I'm sorry, I assumed you'd like it... is it because you're Jewish? We can put a Menorah next to the tree and you can light the candles... I..." Running out of things to say, Jim tried to catch Blair's gaze, but his partner stared hard at the tree.

"I'm going to get some sleep, Jim. I'm really tired." Blair tried to pull away from Jim, but the larger man didn't let him. "Jim, let go. I just want to sleep."

Jim wavered, hearing the tension in Blair's voice. "Do you want me to get rid of it?" He'd throw out the tree if it would make Blair feel better.

"No, it can stay..." Blair felt Jim's hold loosen and quickly opened the French doors, slipping into his room. He closed the doors behind him and buried his head in his hands. His eye throbbed, but the pain was bearable. Cautiously, he made his way over to his bed and collapsed on it. Still fully dressed, he curled up on his right side and pulled up the blankets. I wanna sleep right through Christmas and don't wake up until it's New Year's. He wrapped his arms around his waist, giving himself the illusion of being held and closed his eyes. Please let me sleep through it!

///

Stunned, Jim stared at the closed doors. Blair hardly ever closed the French doors, usually leaving them ajar. What do I do now? I can't let this go. But I don't want to talk about it either. I'm not good at talking!

Eventually, Jim shrugged out of his coat and kicked off his shoes, not caring where they ended up. The tree stood in front of him, almost challenging him to throw it out, knowing Jim wouldn't. It's the first time that I really feel like celebrating Christmas because I finally found my family and that family are you, Blair.

Falling in love with Blair had happened slowly, taking him completely by surprise. He'd been attracted to men before, had even had male lovers in the army, but had never thought he would fall for Blair. The young man wasn't his type, but the blinding smile and baby blue eyes had pulled him closer every day until he was madly in love with him. Should I tell him? Can I? How would Blair react? He'd never seen the anthropologist with another man and assumed Blair was straight. He didn't know if Blair was interested in him. Can't tell him.

Jim got himself a beer and then headed back to the Christmas tree. He'd so hoped that Blair would get in to the Christmas spirit after seeing the tree, but he'd been wrong. Blair seemed depressed and was locking him out. Determined to convince Blair to give Christmas a chance he untangled the Christmas lights and after making sure they still worked, weaved them in to the tree.

///

Jim tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep. He tuned in to Blair's heartbeat and found it a little fast. Next he noticed the soft
whimpers and the sobbing. Why are you crying? He was on his feet in mere seconds and hurried downstairs. "Blair? Can I come inside?" He didn't want to intrude, but hearing the soft sobs was breaking his heart.

The tree stood in the corner of the living room, lights still on and shining invitingly. Maybe he should have asked Blair first if he was okay with celebrating Christmas at the loft. He also acted odd at the station, ducking H.

Listening closely, he heard fabric move over fabric and realized that Blair had simply collapsed on to his bed earlier, not even bothering to undress. "Blair?"

"Jim, I'm okay. Go back to sleep." Blair tried hard not to move or to breathe too deeply. "Go back to sleep."

Jim cocked his head as a new sound echoed through Blair's bedroom. Paper? No, it doesn't sound like paper... a photo perhaps.

"Jim? Are you still there?" Blair quickly wiped away his tears in case Jim would decide to enter anyway. His left eye burned beneath the eye-patch and he wished he could stop crying. Why couldn't he get over this? It had been years, for crying out loud!

"Yeah, I'm still here and I'm coming inside, Blair." I can't go back upstairs and listen to you cry all night. All I want is to wrap my arms around you so you'll feel safe. I don't even need to kiss you or feel your skin against mine... I just want to hold you, baby.

Blair tensed as the French doors opened. Jim stepped inside and Blair tried to hide deeper beneath the blankets. He had to stop crying and hide the photo. Frantically, he tried to reach beneath the futon to hide the picture, but seeing Jim rapidly approach stopped him. Clutching the photograph, he stared in to Jim's eyes. "You don't have to do this, Jim. You must be tired after all those stakeouts and I..."

Jim gathered his courage and sat down on the side of the bed. Tears slipped away from beneath the eye-patch and Jim had never seen Blair look more vulnerable than now. "What's wrong, Blair?" He wanted to bury Blair's hands in his, but the younger man was hiding them beneath the blankets. "Is it your eye? I can get you something against the pain or make you some chamomile tea." The guys at the station would laugh their asses off seeing me act like a mother hen. I don't know what it is... I just want to see Blair happy. Right now Blair wasn't happy and Jim hoped he could somehow help his friend. "Why don't you tell me what's bothering you, buddy?"

"You wanna talk?" Blair briefly forgot about his misery and smiled. "That's a first."

"It's a first that I have got to remind you it's okay to talk," Jim said softly. "Usually you talk all the time, but today you've been so quiet that it's starting to scare me."

"It's not you, okay? I already told you that it's me!" Blair cringed at hearing his defensively tone. "Sorry, man. I just really hate
Christmas." Beneath the blankets he clutched the picture even harder.

"Why's that?" Jim reached over and switched on the lamp on the nightstand. Although he saw perfectly in the dark, he wanted Blair to be able to see him as well. Come on, Blair. I'm not good at talking and now I have to drag every word out of you. I don't think I can do this. "Why do you hate Christmas?"

Seeing the lost expression in Blair's eyes, Jim leaned in closer and slipped one arm beneath the blankets and pushed it beneath Blair's back, pulling the younger man close to his chest. "You're okay with this?" He'd always been touchy when it came down to Blair, but never this touchy. Blair seemed hesitant to accept the embrace, but in the end he leaned in to it.

"It's okay." Biting his lower lip he simply held on to Jim. Jim, this is so hard, I don't know if I can tell you... what if you don't
understand?

Jim rested his back against the wall and gently stroked Blair's hair, trying to calm the younger man further. "Your heart's racing, Chief."

This feels so good, so warm... "I'm sorry for the way I acted all day."

"You apologized before, Chief and I told you it wasn't necessary." Jim marveled at the strange position he was in. He'd never held Blair like this. Yes, there'd been the Golden incident and he'd held Blair back then, but the young man hadn't been coherent at the time. This was different. This was real. Tremors moved through Blair's body and Jim decided to back off for a moment. "Why don't you slip into some sweats while I make tea? You can join me on the couch when you're ready to talk."

"Thanks."

Blair's tiny tone made Jim's heart beat a little faster. Whatever Blair was struggling with was hurting the younger man. Jim suddenly realized that he'd pressed a kiss on to Blair's locks and startled. I can't lose control now, not when he needs me! Composing himself, Jim let go of Blair and got to his feet.

"Where are you going?"

Jim caught Blair's eye, wondering why there was such a desperate tone to the young man's voice. "I'm gonna make some tea, remember?"

"Sure, sorry..." Embarrassed, Blair looked away.

"Take your time, Blair." Jim closed the French doors behind him and released a strangled breath. Was he ready to deal with whatever demon was tormenting Blair? I have to because I can't bear to see him like this.

///

Blair struggled, but in the end he managed to slip in to the sweat shirt and pants. He was still trying to get used to his limited
vision and his hands were shaking so badly that they wouldn't hold on to the fabric. Jim probably thinks I turned in to a nutcase
overnight... Maybe I should have told him that I don't do Christmas very well.

Feeling insecure, he stepped into the living room and found that Jim had already settled down on the couch. The Sentinel had fetched a few blankets from the upstairs bedroom to make sure they were warm and now beckoned him closer. Blair shivered; yeah, it was getting colder every night and he hurried over to the couch to sit down.

"Here, let me." Jim wrapped a blanket around Blair and then manoeuvred the younger man back against his chest. While making tea he'd considered his options and had decided that Blair needed someone close, like he needed the younger man close. He didn't doubt that Blair would pull away if he felt uncomfortable. "I hope the tea's fine." Jim tried to press a warm mug into Blair's icy hands, but seeing the photo he looked up at his partner. "What's this?"

"It's a picture..." Blair suddenly caught sight of the sparkling Christmas tree and closed his eyes. The memories hurt too badly.

"I can see that, buddy. Do I know him?" Jim was trying not to stare at the photo, but had seen a young man's face.

"No, you don't." Blair swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. "I don't want to talk about him."

"You don't have to, Chief, but... is he the reason why you're hurting?" I can't stand seeing you hurting like this. Please, Blair,
talk to me. Blair's fingers unexpectedly released the picture and it dropped into Jim's hand. Blair was clutching the warm mug, but didn't sip yet. Jim stared at the picture, wondering what to do. He looks friendly... The young man couldn't be much older than twenty and had shoulder long fair hair. The green eyes twinkled mischievously and Jim suddenly felt jealous, not knowing why.

Blair looked at Jim and saw the curiosity in the Sentinel's eyes, but no, there was more. There was also concern. Blair sipped his tea and realized the time had come to stop running from his past. Jim deserved to know why he'd been acting out of character. He could only hope the Sentinel would understand. "His name's David."

"David?" Blair's voice had taken him by surprise as he hadn't expected to hear it. Jim placed the photo on the coffee table and
focused on Blair. He wasn't going to pressure his partner, but hoped Blair would open up eventually.

Blair took a deep breath. This is it. I might lose the only real friend I ever had.

Jim sensed Blair tense up and soothingly rubbed his partner's back. "It's okay, you can tell me."

"He was my first boyfriend."

Blair's words hit Jim like a cold shower. "Boy... friend?"

Blair bit his lower lip, waiting for Jim to turn away from him in disgust. "I'm bi."

Jim's eyes grew big. Off all the explanations I expected... this was the one I was the least prepared for. Blair threw back the blanket and tried to get to his feet, while holding on to his mug, but Jim tightened his hold. "No, you're not running away from this. We're gonna talk."

"Man, this is too much! You don't do talking!" But Blair stopped his attempt to break free. Exhausted, he dropped back against Jim's chest.

"What happened to David?" Jim realized something really bad must have happened for Blair to react like this.

"He dumped me on Christmas Eve... That's why I hate Christmas... brings back bad memories..." Jim pried the mug from his fingers and Blair let him. Why is he still holding me? I was sure he wouldn't want me around once he knew I liked men as well.

Jim placed the mug on the coffee table and turned Blair in his embrace until he could look the young man in the eye. I wish you
weren't wearing that eye-patch, Blair, because I feel lost here. I don't know what to read in your eyes. "Stupid son of a bitch."

Blair flinched. "I'm sorry, shouldn't have told you..."

"NO! Blair, I'm not mad with you! I can't believe someone would dump you." Jim's hands were a little shaky when they closed around Blair's upper arms. He barely refrained from shaking his partner. "That bastard dumped you?"

Reading the disbelief in Jim's eyes, Blair wondered why Jim was surprised. "He'd given me one last chance, Jim. You think I'm burning the candle on both ends now; but it was way worse back then. I was always late for dinner and one night he said he wasn't going to put up with it anymore. Either I spend more time with him or he was gone. He would cook dinner and I would be home on time... It was Christmas Eve and I really didn't want to screw things up, but..."

"You were late..." Jim's heart felt a little heavier, seeing Blair nod.

"I missed the bus so I had to walk home. I was two hours late and Dave was mad. He told me... told me that... he..." Blair wasn't sure he could continue and buried his face against Jim's chest, grateful that his friend was hanging in there.

"Told you what?" Jim cupped Blair's chin in the palm of his hand and raised his partner's tear streaked face. All this crying can't be good for your eye, baby... Good thing I got that prescription filled. We'll use the eye-drops later. "What did that bastard tell you?"

"He'd found someone else and was going to leave me. He'd been cheating on me for two months." Crestfallen, Blair tried to look past Jim, but the Sentinel moved his head and now they were staring at each other anyway. "It hurt."

"I bet it still hurts..." Jim desperately wanted to kiss Blair's tears away, but kept a tight rein on his emotions. "I'm sorry he hurt
you like that, Blair. I guess that explains why you hate Christmas."

"They always leave me..." Blair suddenly panicked, realizing what he'd just given away. Please, don't let Jim jump to conclusions!

"They?" Jim hissed the word between clenched teeth. Who else had dared to desert the man he loved?

"Jim, it's no big deal..." Blair tried to distract Jim, but to no avail.

"Who else left you?"

"Please, Jim, stop..."

Horrified, Jim realized that he was shaking Blair and he immediately released his partner. There was too much anger aimed at David and the others who had left Blair and he didn't trust himself right now. "Sorry..."

"It's okay..." Blair actually managed a smile. "Means a lot to me that you're mad with them and not with me."

"Who, Blair?" Jim wasn't giving up.

"Naomi." This time Blair managed to fight back his tears. "You probably think I'm a cry baby, overreacting and..." Blair grew quiet, seeing the concern and affection on Jim's face.

"No, I don't... what did Naomi do?" Now that he knew Naomi had hurt Blair like this he felt even angrier. Naomi was Blair's mother and she should have been the one to keep the hurt away and not to inflict it!

"It happened when I was still a baby," Blair started. He wavered, uncertain Jim really wanted to hear this, but then the Sentinel's fingers moved over his cheeks to wipe away the tears and Blair found the courage he needed to continue. "I remember Naomi holding me, but... there was also a man... I don't know who he was but I like to think it's my father, that he didn't really abandon me at birth; that something happened that kept him away against his wish. That he really loved me. I remember reaching out, trying to touch his face and then he was gone..."

Jim listened without interrupting his partner, seeing how hard this was on him.

"When I was five Naomi took me to Europe and we stayed in London during Christmas. I don't know if you've ever been to Oxford Street, but all the shops there have gigantic Christmas trees and their shop windows are filled with toys. I really loved being there. We stayed with some friends, a couple called Roger and Evelyn, and they'd put up this Christmas tree. It was the first time ever I got to help decorate it and I didn't let being Jewish stop me from hanging popcorn garlands. I fell in love with the Christmas lights..." Blair stared at the tree in the corner of the room and a dreamy expression appeared in his eyes. "You did a fine job, Jim."

"Thanks..." Jim cleared his throat, realizing he was feeling emotional as well.

"I was allowed to unwrap one present on Christmas Eve and it was from Naomi, but she wasn't around and I didn't want to open it without her so I waited. I waited for hours. In the end, Roger got a phone call. Naomi had met some friends and was heading for Canterbury. She asked Roger and Evelyn to take care of me for a few days. They were good people and tried to cheer me up. Their son James, who was about my age, turned out to be a really good friend, but I missed Naomi..."

Bitch... What? Did I really call Naomi a bitch? Jim wondered about his own fierce reaction, but couldn't deny feeling furious with the woman. She'd deserted her own son! "I'm really sorry, Blair." Finally, he understood why Blair hated Christmas.

"We never spent Christmas together again... She was always gone, never there for me... I got used to it. When Dave came along I thought I could trust again, give him the love I had been holding inside since Naomi left that Christmas, but he... Dave... dumped me as well."

Jim's heart missed a beat when Blair's tear filled gaze met his.

"Why do they leave me? Why don't they want me? What am I doing wrong?"

Jim sighed deeply and buried Blair in a tight embrace. He gently pushed Blair's head beneath his chin and rocked the younger man. He let the emotional storm exhaust Blair and when his partner calmed down, Jim spoke. "It wasn't your fault, Blair. You loved them. You wanted to make things work. It was their fault. You didn't deserve any of this."

"If only I could believe that." Blair shifted slightly, but found that Jim's embrace remained. The Sentinel wasn't letting him go. "I'm scared..."

"You're scared I'm gonna leave you as well." Jim realized he'd hit bull's eye when Blair froze in his arms. "That's why you don't want the tree, lights or the feelings. You don't want to..." Jim's eyes grew big as he realized just what Blair was afraid of. "You're scared I'll dump you like David and Naomi did?" But Blair couldn't only be that scared when... "Blair, look at me..." Jim's fingers trembled when they made contact with Blair's skin. One large blue eye stared at him in fear. "Do you love me? Is that it?" No, that can't be! Blair's straight!

"I'm sorry, man..." Blair closed his eyes, trying to lock Jim out.

"You love me..." Dazed, Jim tried to plan his next step.

"I never wanted you to find out..." Blair's head slumped forward against Jim's chest. He lacked the strength to get to his feet. The emotional bloodletting had exhausted him.

"Why? Why keep it a secret?" Jim shook his head, trying to clear it of the cobwebs. "Blair, look at me, please... baby."

Hearing that last word, Blair's eyes flashed open. "Baby?"

"Don't you know I love you?" Jim pushed some stray locks behind Blair's ear. "I'll never dump you! I want you to be happy... to be mine..." he added, in a softer tone.

"You love me?" Blair couldn't believe Jim had actually said that. "You really love me?"

"Guess I need to prove it to you," Jim teased and traced the outlines of Blair's full lips with his fingertip. He had to dial down his sense of touch; the sensation was too exquisite. Slowly, he leaned in closer and his lips gently brushed Blair's.

Blair's heart thumped loudly. Oh, Jim, I can't believe you're kissing me...

Jim pulled back and grinned, seeing Blair's stunned expression.

"I don't want your pity..." Doubts and fears clouded Blair's voice. Finally, he found the courage to meet Jim's gaze.

"It's not pity, baby, it's love..." Jim breathed the words into Blair's ear and then claimed his partner's lips again. Pulling Blair
close, their bodies pressed hard against each other.

Blair gasped, feeling Jim's erection press against his thigh. "I can't believe..." What were the chances of this happening right now?

"I love you, baby, loved you for the last few months, but I only saw you with the ladies and I never thought you could love me too." Jim sneaked his hands behind Blair's back and slowly lowered him on to the couch. Thoughtfully, he placed a pillow beneath Blair's head and then covered the young man, but never resting his full body weight on his new lover. The evidence of Blair's arousal pressed against his abdomen, reassuring Jim that Blair was also attracted to him.

Blair raised a shaky hand and cupped Jim's face. "Promise me something, Jim?"

"What's that?" Slowly, teasingly, he licked Blair's cheek, trailing down to give his lover's throat a similar treatment.

"I know you'll dump me eventually... they all do..." Blair saw the disbelief in Jim's eyes, but continued anyway. "When you do, don't dump me on Christmas Eve?"

"Oh, baby, how can you even think that I'd ever dump you? I'm not like the others. Our relationship is nothing like the ones you had before. Don't you feel the difference? Cause I do. When I was with Carolyn I never felt like this, this intense love, this intense need to have you close, to feel you beneath my fingertips."

"Jim," Blair gasped the word, unable to formulate a more intelligent reply. He wrapped his arms around Jim and sobbed softly, releasing all the pain, anger and loneliness that he'd kept bottled up inside.

"Gimme a chance and I will teach you to love Christmas again, baby."

"Why is that so important to you?" Blair had no more tears to shed and looked at Jim, who was wrapped all around him.

"When I was a kid I watched all these people celebrating Christmas with their family and loved ones. You've got to understand that my father was always away on business trips and the house felt empty. Yes, Steven and Sally were there, but I never felt like I had a family to share Christmas with. I never felt that connected to my father or Steven and I thought I'd never feel like celebrating Christmas until... until you came along, Blair and I want that. I finally want a family. You're my family and I want to share Christmas with you." Jim had surprised himself, giving that little speech. "I talk too much."

"No!" Blair shook his head. "No, you're right... I always wanted that too, but I never had someone to share it with... I'd love to
celebrate Christmas with you, Jim."

"That's great, baby..." Jim paused, shifted and got to his feet. "What do you say about moving this upstairs?"

Blair blushed and stared at his feet. "I'm really flattered that you'd invite me upstairs, but I don't think I'm ready for... you
know..."

Jim laughed warmly. "I'm talking about getting some sleep, baby. It's four in the morning..."

"I don't want to mislead or disappoint you," Blair admitted, awkwardly. Jim extended his right hand and Blair hesitantly put his
hand in Jim's. "I just need to get used to this, man. Only hours ago I..." He looked at Dave's picture on the coffee table. "Just don't dump me on Christmas Eve."

Jim tried to hide his shock at seeing Blair this vulnerable. You're acting all the time, aren't you, baby? You being cocky is just a
front you hide behind so no one will see the real you, the person that got hurt so bad. I should have noticed it sooner, but you're so damn good at only letting us see what you want us to see. Jim gently pulled Blair toward the stairs. "We can see the tree from upstairs. We can snuggle up and watch the lights."

"Sounds good," Blair murmured and followed Jim upstairs. Once he stood in front of Jim's bed, his knees began to give out on him. He'd dreamed of being in this exact spot, but had never allowed himself to believe it could become reality one day.

"Come here, baby, let's get some sleep." Jim gently pushed Blair down. "First thing in the morning I'm gonna check on that eye of yours, but now, let's sleep."

Blair rolled onto his left side and held his breath, feeling Jim spoon up behind him. Strong arms encircled him, pulling him close.

"Pull up the comforter. You feel cold."

Blair covered them with the comforter and pressed back against Jim. "Nothing ever felt this good..."

"Same thing over here, baby." A little belated, he asked, "Is your eye still throbbing?"

"A little, but it's not too bad." Being in your arms made me forget about the pain... Thanks for reminding me! Blair thought, a little sarcastically.

"That's it, relax." Jim mumbled the words and the tension left Blair's body. His lover melted into his arms and his breathing
deepened, grew steadier. "Yeah, that's it, baby... Sleep." Holding Blair close, Jim still felt angry at David and Naomi. I'll never hurt you like that, baby, I promise. No more tears for you.

part 2

Jim grinned, knowing Blair was upstairs, safely tucked away in his bed. Jim had woken thirty minutes ago, and after seeing the
trepidation on Blair's face, he'd decided to let his new lover sleep a little longer. After he'd gotten to his feet, he'd covered Blair
with the warm comforter and he'd gently stroked some stray locks behind Blair's ear. Soundlessly, he'd made his way downstairs. After switching on the coffee maker he'd taken a quick shower and then hurried back to the kitchen to set the breakfast table. He'd put bagels, OJ, tea, jam on the table and planned on making Blair some scrambled eggs later. He wanted to spoil Blair this Christmas, intend on driving away all Blair's bad memories associated with this holiday.

The telephone startled him, sending an urgent ringing through the room. Jim cringed and he hoped that the annoying noise hadn't woken Blair. Reaching out with his heightened senses, he sent them upstairs, finding Blair sound asleep. He picked up the phone and growled, "Ellison." Who the hell would call him this early on his day off? Don't let it be Simon. I really need the time off.

"Jim? It's Jamie."

Jim arched an eyebrow. Jamie was Doctor Gaston's assistant. He always flirted with the middle aged woman, who giggled whenever he paid her attention or a compliment. "Jamie, it's always a pleasure to hear your voice," he teased her good-heartedly.

Jamie giggled. "Jim, cut it out. This is a serious matter."

"What's wrong?" Jim didn't like the concerned tone to her voice. "Is it Blair?" Had the doctor missed something when he'd examined Blair's injured eye?

Jamie suddenly hesitated. "Is Blair around? I really need to talk to him."

Alert, Jim tuned in to Blair's steady heartbeat. Blair was sleeping through the conversation. "Blair can't come to the phone right now, but maybe I can help?"

Jamie sighed, resigning to the situation. "I contacted Blair's insurance company to admit the bills, and they told me that Blair no
longer has medical insurance. I need to talk to him to set up some sort of payment plan."

Jim squeezed the receiver hard, his grip almost crushing. Why hadn't Blair told him he had financial problems? Why had Blair kept this from him? So that's why you didn't want to see the eye-specialist, because you knew you couldn't afford it. Damn it, Blair, why didn't you tell me?

"Jamie? Just send me the bills and I'll take care of them."

Jamie felt relieved. "Make sure Blair doesn't forget about his next appointment."

"We'll be there." Jim terminated the conversation, placed the phone back on the coffee table and then his eyes sneaked upstairs, where Blair was sleeping. A thoughtful expression appeared in his eyes. Why didn't you tell me, Blair? Why don't you have insurance any longer? Probably didn't have the money... why not ask my help? I'd have put you on my insurance, would have gladly made the necessary monthly payments.

Jim climbed the stairs and came to a stop in front of his bed. Blair was curled up in the center of the bed, clutching a pillow and half hidden beneath the comforter. Only his hair and brow showed. Jim hated waking him up, but he needed some answers.

He kneeled on the bed and crawled closer toward Blair. Then he laid down beside the younger man and studied Blair's exquisite features. His gaze traveled to Blair's long eyelashes and he almost zoned out, looking at them. Thankfully Blair opened his eyes and the blue orbs fastened on him. "Morning, babe."

Blair's breath caught, finding Jim this close to him. What the hell happened last night? How did I end up here? In Jim's bed? His hand went to check on the eye-patch and slowly the memories returned to him. Jim had taken him home after seeing Doctor Gaston and then... then he'd seen that damn Christmas tree in the living room. Suddenly everything bad that had ever happened to him had come crashing in on him and he'd fled to his room. Later that night he'd broken down in Jim's arms and then the most amazing thing had happened; Jim had admitted he loved him. Jim, do you really love me or were you just trying to make me feel better? Because that would be cruel, playing e like that. Please love me, really love me...

Feeling damn insecure Blair averted his eyes and wished his injured eye would stop itching. The sensation was driving him insane and he tried to rub his eye through the fabric of the patch. Please Jim, say something, I don't care if you tell me to get the hell out of your bed, just say something!

Jim read Blair's doubt and insecurity on the young man's face and felt bad for not reacting sooner. He didn't want Blair to doubt himself or their love. Knowing words wouldn't convince Blair, Jim opted for action instead.

His heart thumped loudly when Jim's lips brushed his and Blair couldn't repress the content moan that fled his lips and into Jim's
mouth. Man, he'd dreamed about Jim kissing him like that and now it was actually happening. Does that mean he loves me? Really loves me? That it wasn't pity that made him tell me he loved me? Is this the real thing?

Jim cupped Blair's face in the palm of his hands and held him close. Deepening the kiss, his tongue nudged Blair's teeth apart, trying to gain entrance to the warm moist inside.

Feeling Jim's tongue against his teeth, demanding entrance, Blair was lost. He parted his teeth and Jim's tongue slid inside, exploring every inch of his hungry mouth. Blair failed to stifle a series of soft whimpers and his hips rose in want, trying to get closer to Jim. Heaven... I died and went to heaven. If this is a dream I don't ever want to wake up again. Jim's tongue was chasing his and Blair felt himself grow hard.

Jim smiled warmly, seeing, hearing, smelling and feeling Blair's arousal. The young man eagerly responded to the kiss and Jim wondered why it had taken him so long to see that Blair was in love with him as well. He released Blair's bruised lips and let his hands tangle freely in the silken locks. "I should check on your eye, babe." Yes, he felt Blair's erection press against his thigh but he decided to ignore it for now. He refused to rush this.

"It's itching," Blair admitted, still trying to catch his breath after that mind-blowing kiss.

"Jamie called." Blair's heartbeat and temperature rose and Jim grew worried. "You know what that phone call was about, babe?"

Blair moistened his dry lips. Shit, Jim knows!

"Why didn't you tell me you no longer got medical insurance? We could have worked something out. Blair, you need insurance, considering you're a trouble magnet and..."

"I'm not a trouble magnet!" Blair's tone was indignant, but deep down in his heart he knew Jim had made a valid point.

"Yes, you are," Jim said, playing along. "You've been shot, drugged, kidnapped, knocked down... want me to continue?" Jim gave Blair a serious look. "I'll put you on my insurance and that's it. Don't fight me on this. It isn't up for discussion!"

Blair considered doing just that; objecting, but then reconsidered. If Jim was really determined to do this, there was no way he could convince the Sentinel otherwise. It was best to give in gracefully. "But I'll pay you back once I got the money."

Jim cringed. "Is that what this is about? Money?"

Blair swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. He'd never expected to ever discuss this in such an intimate setting. Jim's fingers caressed locks of his hair and the Sentinel's gaze never left his. "Before I started to ride along I had time to write articles and tutor. I got paid for both, but then I no longer had the time and..."

"I'm sorry I never noticed..." Jim felt truly ashamed for taking Blair's presence at the PD for granted. He'd never thought about the sacrifices involved for Blair. "Fuck, I even made you pay rent for staying in my storage room."

"Jim, stop it!" Blair placed his right hand against Jim's chest. "I don't need you to take care of me. I've been doing that since..."

"Since Naomi left that Christmas." Jim felt Blair tremble and he wrapped his arms around the younger man. "You love me, don't you?" Jim waited patiently for Blair to answer that obvious question.

"Of course I do!" Blair stared at Jim in disbelief. "Or do you doubt my love for you?"

"No, babe, I don't. I know you love me. I can smell your pheromones all around me. What I'm trying to say is... don't you want to take care of me as well?" Blair had been doing just that since saving him from that damn garbage truck.

Blair nodded his head, finally understanding where Jim was going with this. "And you want to take care of me."

Jim smiled warmly. "That's right, babe." He'd have to make some calls, but he was certain the insurance company wouldn't refuse Blair when putting the young man down as his life partner. "Why don't you take a quick shower? I left you some hot water. After you're done I'll check on your eye."

Blair allowed Jim to pull him to his feet. Surprised, he found that Jim didn't let go, but kept holding on to him. "I can't see
perfectly, Jim, but I can manage," he teased.

Jim laughed and helped Blair downstairs. "Go shower." He teasingly swatted Blair's ass and watched him march in to the bathroom. Looking about, the loft seemed to bathe in a warm light, which he'd never noticed before. Was it just the lights of the Christmas tree? No, something very fundamental had changed overnight.

///

Blair had stripped and now stood beneath the warm spray. He rested his hands against the tiles, bowed his head and closed his eyes. Jim had completely taken him by surprise, confessing his love like that. He'd never thought Jim could love him back!

Suddenly, the first notes of a Christmas song echoed through the loft and Blair bit his lip. Why does it have to be Last Christmas from George Michael? It was the last thing he wanted to hear. That song had been playing when Dave had dumped him!

Tears mixed with water and dripped from his face. It was only a matter of time until Jim would grow tired of having a cry baby with all this baggage for a lover. Jim would probably dump him and be glad to be rid of him!

"Blair, what's wrong?" Jim, still fully clothed, stepped in to the shower cabin and folded his arms around the trembling young man. He didn't care he was getting dripping wet. All that mattered was comforting Blair.

Blair suddenly realized that Jim had climbed in to the shower with him and whispered, "I'm sorry, man. Normally, I'm not this emotional, but everything is happening too fast and I..." Jim had told him he loved him and then he'd told the Sentinel about the times he'd been dumped during Christmas. He'd never bared his soul like that before.

"Let's get you out of the shower." Jim guided Blair out of the shower cabin and wrapped him up in warm towels.

"You're wet too," Blair said in a tiny tone.

Jim grabbed another towel and wrapped it around Blair's long, wet hair. "Can you get dressed by yourself?"

"Sure!" Blair felt ashamed for getting Jim in this situation. "You should slip in to something dry as well," he remarked, hurrying to his room to slip in to some sweats.

Jim quickly removed his wet clothes, dried his skin and made his way upstairs to slip in to dry jeans and a PD sweatshirt. What had happened when Blair had taken that shower? Within seconds he was back in the living room where he found Blair coming out of his room. The young man was staring down at the floor, obviously trying to avoid discussing the problem. "Sit down. It's time for your eye-drops."

Obediently, trying to make up for his behavior in the bathroom, Blair sat down at the kitchen table. He remained quiet when Jim removed the eye-patch.

"Open that eye for me, babe." Jim took hold of the eye-drops and waited for Blair to look at him.

Better get it over with... Blair opened his injured eye and hissed when the light hurt.

Jim gently opened the eye a little further, finding it red and puffy. "This will just take a second, babe." Without warning, he
dropped the eye-drops in to Blair's eyes.

"Fuck! That hurts!" Blair's fingernails clawed the kitchen table. "Hurry up, man!"

"Done." Jim wiped away the tears that made their way down Blair's face. Then he put the eye-patch back in place. "Does it still hurt?"

"No, it feels okay..." Blair finally met Jim's gaze. "I'm sorry about freaking out in the shower... I didn't want you to see me like that."

Jim poured them coffee and sat down beside Blair. "What set it off?" He put some cream cheese on his bagel and began eating.

Listlessly, Blair sipped his orange juice. "It was that song."

"What song?" Truly confused now, Jim tried to recall what music had been playing earlier.

"Last Christmas. It was playing when Dave..."

"When he dumped you?" Jim was growing mad with Dave and with himself. "I'm sorry, babe, it was on the radio and I didn't think..."

"You couldn't know." Blair managed to smile. "What are we going to do today? Do you need to go in?"

"No, we're off for the weekend and Simon better not call me!" Jim attacked a second bagel. "What about doing some Christmas shopping? We can eat at home, watch a movie..."

"Jim, are you planning on exchanging gifts?" Blair dreaded the answer as he hadn't had the money to buy Jim something. He felt truly pathetic by now.

Jim had the grace to blush. "Already bought it... I only need to pick it up."

"This sucks..."

Jim startled at hearing those words. Blair stopped eating breakfast and his hands rested idle in his lamp. "Why does it suck, babe?"

"I don't have any money... " Blair looked up apologetically. Maybe he could give Jim a voucher for him cleaning the loft for a month.

"Blair, you don't have to buy me anything. You've already given me the greatest gift..."

This time Blair blushed. "Jim, man, cut it out."

"No, your love is the best gift I ever got. Don't worry about the money, okay?" Jim leaned in closer and brushed Blair's lips with his. "Nice... you taste of oranges. Do you have any idea how many times I wanted to kiss you in the past? But I thought you were straight and kept my distance. To think we wasted all this time..."

"So you wanna celebrate Christmas here at the loft?" Feeling embarrassed for being unable to get Jim a Christmas present, Blair tried to make up for it. "Maybe I can cook?" At least that way he could do something in return.

"We'll prepare dinner together, okay?" Jim faced a dilemma. He really wanted to be sure that Blair had enough money, but offering some cash wouldn't do it. Blair would see it as charity and give him hell. He could put Blair's name on his bank account, but he didn't think Blair ould accept that either. The anthropologist wanted to take care of himself, not being taken care of. So the problem remained. "We're heading for the market to pick up some groceries. You better dress warmly. They predicted snow." The best thing he could come up with was to let Blair accompany him and convince him to buy everything his
lover needed. He'd then pay for it, leaving Blair no way out at the register.

Still feeling listless, Blair finished breakfast and got to his feet. "I'll be back in ten."

"That's okay, take your time. Getting dressed can't be easy with limited vision." Jim noticed that Blair's feet dragged as he made his way back to his room. He had to do something to cheer Blair up, to convince his new lover that their love was for real. Hopefully I'll find a way to make him understand.

///

Blair tried to shake off the snow that had settled on his hair and he ran his mittens over his coat, trying to remove the cold substance. It had been a struggle to reach the market, snow and ice had made it tricky to drive. Looking over his shoulder he found that Jim was pushing a shopping cart.

"Come on, Darwin, let's get some comfort food. I don't plan on leaving the loft a second time this weekend!" Jim ruffled Blair's
hair, helping his lover remove the snow.

Blair fell in to step beside Jim and watched the Sentinel put several food items in to the shopping cart. "Jim, what's for dinner?"

"I thought we could make our own pizzas and you could prepare a dessert with fresh fruits?"

"Oh, man, do you know how expensive fruits are right now?" Blair cringed mentally, seeing Jim put strawberries and kiwis in to the shopping cart. Those were his favorite fruits, but the bill would be gigantic.

"It's Christmas dinner. Doesn't matter how expensive it gets." Jim smiled and gave in to the sudden urge to buy some candy bars, chocolate and marsh mellows. "Here." Jim handed Blair his wallet. "Be a good boy and pay for the groceries and put them in to the truck."

Blair accepted the wallet, realizing the distraction for what it was. Jim was probably going to pick up his present. Ashamed, he stared at Jim's wallet. He wished he had some money to buy Jim a present as well. The next time he looked up, Jim was gone and after releasing a troubled sigh he went to pay for the groceries.

///

Jim hurried next doors to pick up Blair's Christmas gift which he'd already paid for. The salesman congratulated him with his excellent choice and Jim carried the box outside, wondering how Blair would react to seeing his present. He felt a little guilty for putting Blair in this position, but he honestly hadn't known how short Blair was on money, but he would still have bought this particular laptop. Blair's comp had died a few weeks ago and he'd wondered why Blair hadn't had it replaced. Now he understood that his partner simply didn't have the money for the repair job or a new one.

He headed toward the parking lot and cursed the heavy snowfall. Now it would get even more difficult to get back to the loft without causing an accident. The roads were slippery and even with his Sentinel vision sight was blurry at best.

When he reached the truck he found that Blair had already placed the groceries inside and the young man was leaning against the window. "Blair?" As he opened the car door, he found another heartbeat close. "Blair?" It was a soft heartbeat and certainly not human. Settling down behind the wheel, he studied Blair's guilty expression.

"I found the little guy trapped in the snow. He's hurt." Carefully, Blair pushed back his shawl.

Jim shook his head. "Blair, that's a ferret!" The little animal was pressed against Blair's chest, trembling fiercely.

"His paw's bleeding." Blair showed Jim the injury, but kept a tight hold on the animal. "I couldn't leave him there to die."

Jim sighed. "It doesn't look too bad, probably just needs to be cleaned," he said after checking on the paw. He knew what was going to happen next.

"Can we take him back to the loft? I picked up some ferret food after finding him and he really needs our help. Jim, please?" Blair gave Jim his best puppy dog look, wishing he could use both eyes on Jim. Maybe 'the look' was less effective now.

Jim knew he'd lost the battle before it had even started. If he refused Blair his request, his partner would feel miserable
throughout the holidays.

Mistaking Jim's silence, Blair tried again. "Come on, man, it's Christmas and you can do a good deed here. The fellow needs our help. He's gonna die in the cold... He was probably someone's pet and the owner got fed up with him... please, Jim?" The ferret crawled deeper in to the warmth shawl, trusting this man for some reason.

Jim knew he'd better give in gracefully. "Okay, but you'd better make sure he doesn't wreck the place like Larry did!"

Blair smiled gratefully. "I'll watch him, thanks, Jim."

Jim blushed, being at the receiving end of Blair's smile. "You're welcome, babe. Whatever makes you happy makes me happy."

///

"So, that should do the trick." Jim had cleaned the ferret's wound while Blair had been holding him. Throughout the painful procedure, the ferret had remained calm and Jim suspected Blair's soothing presence had everything to do with that. "Put him in his bed." Jim had taken an old shirt, which he never wore anyway, and had rolled it up, creating a nice cocoon for the animal to hide in.

"Hop in," Blair said and gently pushed the ferret's head inside. Once the animal felt the warmth and realized it would make a comfortable home, it limped inside. "Jim?" Blair turned around and watched Jim put away their first aid kit. "Do you mind awfully that I brought him home? I just couldn't bear the thought that he'd die out there."

Jim walked up to him and folded his arms around Blair's waist. "I would have been disappointed if you hadn't taken care of him. That's who you are, babe." Slowly, his lips claimed Blair's and he deepened the kiss, chasing Blair's tongue through the warm, moist cavern that was his mouth.

"Oh yeah..." Blair whimpered as Jim pushed him down on to the couch. Sprawled all over the sofa, he watched Jim descend on him, covering his body. Invitingly, Blair spread his legs and Jim accepted the invitation, settling down between his thighs. Jim's tongue traced the outlines of his lips and Blair moaned, growing hard beneath the hard body. "Jim..." he purred when the Sentinel released his lips long enough to draw in some oxygen.

Blair's erection pressed against his stomach and Jim felt equally aroused. His tongue left a wet trail when it traveled down to Blair's throat, where he suckled the smooth skin. His hands roamed Blair's chest, found a way inside the young man's shirt and caressed the warm skin. His fingers encountered the nipple ring and he tugged gently at the metal. Blair's hips rose wantonly and his partner rubbed his erection against his body, eager for some stimulation. "Blair, I want you," Jim whispered in an unguarded moment. "I want to be inside you, make you mine. I want to hear you beg for more..."

Blair licked his lips. Did Jim really say he wanted me that way?

"I know it's early," Jim said, apologizing and pulling back. "I..."

"No! I want you too! You just took me by surprise... that's all, please make love to me?" Blair swallowed hard. "I want you inside me..." Looking passed Jim he found that they were making out beneath the Christmas tree and he fought his tears, realizing it would be his first 'merry' Christmas. "Can we do it here?"

Jim followed Blair's gaze and realized it was locked on the tree. Soft music echoed through the loft and the windows had been covered by snow flakes. They had lit some candles instead of the cold electric lights and Jim had to admit it was perfect. "You sure about this, babe?" Agile hands slipped off Blair's shirt, baring the young man's chest to him. His fingers caressed the chest hair and he wondered if Blair's pubic hair would feel different too.

"Yes, I'm sure." Blair wrapped his legs around Jim. "Do you have lube? What about condoms?"

"What do you want, babe?"

"I want to feel you... I get tested regularly and I've always tested clean."

"Same here, no condom then?"

"Lube?" Blair squirmed beneath Jim. His throbbing erection was already leaking pre-ejaculate and the jeans were becoming
increasingly uncomfortable.

"I'll get it." Jim gently unwrapped himself from Blair and hurried upstairs. Staring at the brand new tube of KJ he wondered if he'd been secretly hoping that he'd one day be able to make love to Blair.

Blair used the opportunity to strip. He threw his clothes on to the floor and laid face down on the couch. Pushing a pillow beneath his hips he waited for his lover to return. Hopefully finding him like this would turn Jim on even more!

"Blair..." Jim halted, seeing Blair sprawled all over the couch, ass high in the air, waiting to be claimed. He didn't waste any more time and slipped out of his clothes. His cock was already an angry red and eager to bury himself in Blair's tight passage. Straddling Blair's lower back, he began to massage his lover's shoulders.

"Feels good..." Blair mumbled bonelessly. His balls were heavy and his erection rubbed slightly against the pillow. "Please, Jim... I'm no virgin... no foreplay... just get inside... need to feel you inside me... "

Blair's plea made Jim's cock twitch in anticipation. "Let's not rush things, babe. It's been a while for you..." Jim kneaded the round mounds of flesh, stealing one hand between Blair's cleft. An urgent whimper left Blair's lips and he tried to raise his ass a little higher. "Please, Jim... I'm begging here..." Blair wondered how Jim planned on taking him.

"You want to do this doggie style?" Jim warmed the cold KJ by rubbing his fingertips.

"I don't care how you do me, just do me..."

Jim smiled gently. "You'll love doing it doggie style," he promised. He hooked one arm around Blair's waist and pulled him closer until his young lover was on all fours. He threw the pillow on to the floor and wrapped his fingers around Blair's leaking cock. Moving into position behind him, Jim stared at that tight little hole he would bury himself in.

"Jim..." Blair was rocking helplessly, supporting himself by going down on his elbows, presenting his ass to Jim.

"Shst, babe, first I need to stretch you." No way would he hurt Blair the first time they made love. Letting go of Blair's cock earned him a disappointed growl, which changed in to panting when his fingertip touched the ring of muscle. "Relax for me, babe."

Blair focussed on the sensation Jim's finger created and gasped when the lubed fingertip finally pushed passed the guardian ring. Howling softly, he waited for Jim to continue. He tried to curl his fingers around his straining erection, but almost collapsed on to the couch.

"Let me do that when the time's right. Just support yourself." Jim waited for Blair to support himself again and then removed his
finger, added more lube and then returned with two.

"Fuck..." Blair licked his lips, feeling full and stretched. Unexpectedly, Jim scissored the fingers inside his passage and Blair
almost came from that sensation alone. "Jim, I won't last long, if you keep that up...fuck!" Jim's fingertips brushed his prostate and Blair trembled. "Oh Jim, Jim..."

"You think you're ready?" Jim removed his fingers and soothingly rubbed Blair's lower back. It was getting harder to ignore his hungry cock, which desperately wanted to push into that velvet heat.

"I'm ready," Blair panted and gritted his teeth, knowing that the first thing he would feel once Jim pushed inside was pain.

Jim parted Blair's buttocks and curled his fingers around his cock, positioning himself at Blair's entrance. "I love you, babe..."

Blair's eyes grew big as the head of Jim's cock pushed inside. He hadn't seen Jim naked and aroused and suddenly realized that his lover was big! 'Oh, fuck..."

Jim closely monitored his lover's vitals, vowing to stop should he smell fear on Blair. But the only thing he smelled was pheromones and Blair's arousal. He remained motionless, giving Blair time to adjust to the invasion. Rubbing his lover's lower back, he leaned forward and suckled the skin near Blair's collarbone, leaving one hell of a passion mark, which would be visible to everyone who bothered to look.

"Oh, ow...whoa...wow..." Blair was rambling feverishly and suddenly Jim pushed deeper inside, opening him up, claiming him as his lover. Helplessly, Blair went down, collapsing and Jim followed him down, not resting his weight on him, but not letting him get away either.

Jim licked, nibbled and bit at the back of Blair's neck and pushed in deeper, until his balls slapped against Blair's ass. "I'm in, babe... happy Christmas; hope you enjoy my first present." Jim decided not to move, although the urge to thrust was quickly overwhelming him. He didn't want to rush Blair and give him time to adjust.

"Oh, man, that's so low..."

"You better behave, Chief, considering you're having a cock up your ass." Jim thrust carefully aiming at Blair's prostate.

Blair almost melted in to a puddle when Jim's cock head brushed the gland. "You're mean..." he panted breathlessly, squirming beneath Jim, trying to give his own erection some stimulation.

"You think you can come without me pumping your cock? I want you to come because you feel me up your ass, think you can do that for me, Chief? Would make for a cute Christmas present."

Blair's fingers clawed the cushions and he moaned deliriously at Jim's next thrust. "Fuck me? Fuck me, please..."

"Yeah." He loved Blair and his partner knew that. But sometimes making love gently wasn't enough. A hard pounding was needed to assure them that there was more than love involved, that there was lust too. Pulling out almost completely, he pushed back in and repeated the vicious motion over and over again, pounding hard and deep.

"That's it, Jim, that's it..." Jim's thrusts took away his breath and he was shoved off the couch by the sheer power of those thrusts. He leaned forward, placed the palms of his hands on the floor and pushed back. Jim grabbed his hips and Blair's heart pounded as Jim's next thrust brutally collided with his prostate. Unable to keep back any longer, he yelped softly, coming hard.

Smelling Blair's come, Jim waited for his lover's muscle to clench him and he held absolutely still, enjoying the sensation. Once the spasms had stopped, he followed Blair down to the floor. He was still deeply buried within Blair's passage and was desperately postponing his own climax. He wasn't ready yet to come, didn't want to leave this liquid heat that surrounded his cock.

Blair's eyes widened, feeling Jim's arms circle his waist, pulling him on top as the Sentinel laid down on the floor. Entranced, he let Jim turn him around on his cock and finally their draped eyes locked.

"Make me come, fuck yourself, babe..." Jim's voice was hoarse with passion and desire. Supporting his exhausted lover, he raised Blair's hips and then pulled him down on to his cock again. "Do yourself..." His fingers trailed to Blair's nipples and he tugged at the nipple ring, knowing how sensitive Blair felt right now, hoping his lover would grow aroused again. He used his other hand to fondle the limp cock that nestled between Blair's pubic hair. "Come on, fuck yourself for me... be my Santa this year..."

Squatting, Blair raised himself and then impaled himself again. To his surprise he found that he was growing hard again. Once he was fully hard, Jim began pumping him wildly and Blair tried to establish a similar rhythm riding Jim. Feeling Jim's cock slide inside him made him purr softly and he clenched his muscle on purpose. Suddenly, Jim grabbed his shoulders and pulled him down completely. Blair bit back a sudden wave of pain and then warm come filled him. He collapsed on top of Jim, who was thrusting slowly.

Dazed, Jim stared at Blair, who looked dishevelled and exhausted. He'd come deep inside his lover's passage and shuddered at the exquisite pleasure. Riding his orgasm he raised his hips, desperate to bury himself as deeply as possible inside Blair. Shivering, he slowly came down from his adrenaline high.

Blair was panting, trembling. Jim's sated cock was still inside him, locking him in place.

Jim suddenly realized he'd been a little rough with Blair and gently rolled him on to his back. "I'm gonna pull out now, babe... try to relax..." Hearing Blair's pain filled moan made him feel ashamed for letting go like that. Blair wanted to curl up on his side, but Jim stopped him. "Let me check on you." His heart missed a beat, finding droplets of blood. "I'm sorry... don't move, okay?" Jim quickly got to his feet, feeling mad at not paying more attention to his lover.

Blair had seen the guilty expression in Jim's eyes and knew he had to do, say, something. "Hey, it's been a while, I was tight. And yes, sometimes there's a little blood. Wasn't your fault, man. You did everything right." But Jim shook his head as he kneeled between his legs.

Jim nudged Blair's legs apart and gently applied some soothing ointment to the damaged area. He felt grateful that he'd never thrown the tube away. "Next time you top." Blair's laughter took him aback. "What?"

"I'm a lousy top, man. Jim, you were great. Why can't it be this way? I love feeling you inside." Blair folded his arms around Jim and pulled him close. Jim didn't object and obliged him. "Listen, Jim. I want it this way... and I hope you enjoyed your Christmas present. It's the only one you'll get this year... what did you get me?" Blair pointed at the gift wrapped box.

"A new laptop. You need one." Jim used the wipes he'd brought with him from the bathroom to clean them up. "But I got you something else as well."

"A laptop?" Blair shook his head. "You didn't have to do that." He allowed Jim to manoeuvre them into a sitting position. He was between Jim's legs and rested his back against Jim's chest.

Jim pulled a second box from beneath the couch and handed it to Blair. "Merry Christmas, Blair." He grabbed the Afghan from the couch and covered them with it. He'd carry Blair to bed in a second, start dinner and once Blair woke, they would shower together and create their very own pizzas. But first he wanted to see Blair's reaction to his gift. Please, don't let me screw up! What if I'm wrong about this?

Blair's hands trembled when he removed the wrapping paper. "An adult store?" He recognized the label on the box.

"I got them after I picked up the laptop... you can throw them away if it's not your thing," Jim said quickly. His heart was beating wildly. He should never have bought them!

Blair opened the package and his breath caught. "A vibrator, dildo and a butt plug?" He looked over his shoulder at Jim and
quivered. "For you or for me?"

"I like to get creative in bed and... got a hard-on just thinking about using them on you..." To his eternal shame his cock grew erect again. Down boy!

Blair smiled. "They're for me? You want to try them on me?"

"You could wear the butt plug all night and I could tug it slightly, massaging your prostate... My God, just thinking about you wearing it..."

"You want me to wear it now?"

"No, you need to heal up first... Maybe on New Years?" Jim licked the passion mark he'd left behind during their lovemaking. "Now I want to get you in to bed and make sure you get some rest."

Blair took hold of the dildo, which looked amazing real. Teasing Jim, he ran his tongue up and down the dildo.

"Blair, babe... don't..."

Blair grinned wickedly. "This is my best Christmas ever... Thanks, Jim... thanks for loving me..." Blair saw Jim's clouded eyes and knew they'd have a lot of fun with their sex toys!

"Merry Christmas, babe..."

"Happy Hanukkah, Jim."

part 3

Blair yawned lazily and opened his eyes, frustrated that the injured eye remained cloaked in darkness. He still had to wear the eye-patch for a few more days and was already looking forward to getting rid of it. Stretching luxuriously he froze, realizing how sore their intimate encounter had left him. He hoped Jim wouldn't laugh at him when he placed a cushion on the hard, wooden kitchen chair when eating dinner.

Downstairs, Jim cocked his head, hearing Blair wake up. He was preparing dinner and had let Blair sleep. "Babe, your little buddy's trying to steal my pepper."

"My little buddy?" Confused, Blair sat up, barely repressing a groan. Damn, he did feel sore.

"Your ferret. You should teach him some manners." Jim watched the ferret limp away, trying to haul a half green pepper back into his home. Jim wanted to be angry with the critter, but smiled instead. It was so like Blair to bring the injured animal home and he wondered if they'd end up with more 'pets'. "You want to keep him or are you gonna set him free once he's healed?"

Blair rose from the bed and slowly made his way downstairs. Jim'd better not comment on the way I walk... Truth be told, he'd kinda forgotten about the ferret he'd rescued and when he reached the animal's cotton home, he leaned in closer to look at their guest.

"You should give him a name. That way I can call him when he steals our food." Jim watched his lover, noting the hesitant movement. Next time I'll be more careful. I don't want him to hurt because we made love!

"Or you could have fed him while I was still asleep." Blair located the box with ferret food and placed some into a bowl, which he put in front of the animal's temporary home. A pink nose appeared, sniffed the air, ran over to the food and after clenching some pieces between his teeth, he dashed back into his makeshift home.

"How about Wally?" Jim was topping the dough with red peppers, pine apple, slices of onion and cheese. Then he added salami and strips of bacon. "Don't give me that look!" he teased, adding more cheese. "It's Christmas! We're allowed to eat high fat foods!"

Blair decided to let the matter rest and walked over to Jim. Hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around the other man's waist and
rested his head against the broad back. "You feel so good, man and I love Wally!"

Jim grinned. "Then Wally it is!" I guess that means we're stuck with the critter. Blair's already growing attached to having him around if he wants to name it!

"What are your plans for tonight?" Blair snatched a piece of pine apple from one pizza and let it slip into mouth.

Jim carried the pizzas to the oven, put them inside and set the temperature and timer. His work done, he turned around and gave Blair an amused smile. "First I check on your eye and when the pizzas are ready we can veg out in front of the TV. Scrooge's on... I promised to get you in to the Christmas spirit!"

"Does that mean we can eat in front of the TV?" Then he wouldn't have to sit on the hard kitchen chairs.

"Yeah, let's break some rules. Now sit down and let me remove that eye-patch... It's kinda sexy, you know that?"

"Sexy?" Blair laughed. "Oh, man..." But he sat down and allowed Jim to check on his eye. He grimaced as the eye-drops unexpectedly hit the injured area. "You could give me a warning!"

"If I did you'd only close your eye!" Jim put the drops away and slipped the eye-patch back in place. "How's the eye? It looks less angry."

"It feels okay. It itches a little, but that's about it." Blair got to his feet and peeked at the pizzas. "What do you want to drink?" He opened the fridge and was about to put two beers onto the kitchen table when Jim stopped him.

"This calls for some wine... you like white wine, don't you, babe?" Blair's facial expression softened, filled with love for him and Jim would never grow tired of seeing that particular look on his lover's face. "Why don't you settle down in front of the TV and I get the wine and some glasses?"

Blair sat down and shifted uncomfortably. In the end he was lying on his side, facing the TV.

"Still sore?" Jim placed the full wine glasses on the coffee table and lifted Blair's feet, sitting down as well. He began to massage Blair's feet and was delighted to hear the soft approving moans that fled Blair's lips.

"It's been a while," Blair said somewhat defensively. "It'll get better." He grabbed the remote control and selected the channel
Scrooge was on. "You've got magic hands, man." Now that Jim was massaging his feet, his tense muscles relaxed.

"Did it bother you? Me taking control like that while making love?" Jim grew partly erect just remembering making love to Blair.

"No, it didn't bother me... As I said, I like it that way." Blair stared at the TV screen, still considering Jim's question.

"What about the toys? Don't you feel I'm pushing you? We only just told each other how we felt!"

"I..." Blair blushed and glanced at Jim. "I always wanted to try some toys, but... David wasn't that adventurous and... I always felt uncomfortable looking at them behind his back."

"So you'd want to try them?"

"Sure... I'd love trying them... with you..."

The oven beeped, alerting them that their pizzas were ready and Jim lifted Blair's feet from his knees, placing them back onto the couch.

Blair sat upright, relieved that the discomfort was growing less. Two shiny black eyes suddenly appeared to his right. "Hi, Wally. Are you joining us?"

Jim heard the comment and sighed. "He's not eating my pizza!"

///

"This may sound stupid, but... I had a great evening!" Blair snuggled closer to Jim, who laid spooned behind him. They had both shed their clothes, needing the skin on skin contact.

"Me too, babe..." Jim folded one arm around Blair's waist and pulled his lover close until his cock lay nestled against the young man's ass. "I could grow addicted to sleeping like this."

"Uh, Jim... I don't think..." Jim was growing hard and Blair swallowed nervously. He still felt sore and it was too early to make
love again, but he didn't want to deny his lover either.

"Can't help being turned on, babe... you feel so good in my arms, but let's go to sleep, okay? We still got the rest of our lives to make love... or play with our toys," he added wickedly. Blair giggled and Jim loved hearing that sound. He doesn't giggle nearly enough!

"Maybe we can try one of those toys tomorrow?" Blair hoped the soreness would fade during the night. Closing his eyes, he listened to Jim's steady breathing.

"Maybe, we'll see..." Jim kissed the back of Blair's neck, licked the passion mark that was still clearly visible and then closed his eyes as well. "An erotic dream would be nice, don't you think?"

"Definitely..." Blair never heard Jim's whispered, 'I love you, babe," as he was already dozing off.

///

The next morning Blair got up early and fixed breakfast. For the first time since years the Christmas songs and lights didn't bother him and he actually enjoyed listening to them. While Jim was still asleep he placed the toy box on his lap and examined the three items... Maybe he could Jim give a Christmas present after all! He'd wait until after breakfast and see if he could drive his lover crazy!

///

Jim lay on the couch, marveling at the turn his life had taken. Blair had made breakfast and now his lover was in the shower. Jim already licked his lips, wondering if Blair would emerge from the bathroom naked so he could have another look at that gorgeous body. His senses loved Blair.

Jim's heart sped up as Blair stepped in to the living area. He's naked alright... and aroused... His own cock reacted and grew erect.

Watching Jim closely, Blair sat down on the couch opposite his lover. Jim was channel surfing and seemed relaxed. Spreading his legs, he pushed deeper into the comfort of the cushions.

Naked, fuck, he looks sexy, spreading his legs like that and... what's that? What's he holding in his hand? His cock was now
definitely interested in the wantonly sprawled body on the other couch. It's the vibrator I gave him for Christmas/

"Just watch, Jim... and don't leave the couch... just watch!" Blair uncovered the KJ and spread a generous amount on the vibrator. He'd never before felt the urge to show off, but he knew Jim liked to watch him and who knew what those Sentinel senses were picking up!

Jim's cock twitched in sympathy, wishing Blair was putting the lube on him and not on the vibrator. "What are you gonna do, baby?"

"Unzip your jeans, Jim... I want to see you." Blair moved about awkwardly, but then reached down and managed to place the vibrator against his entrance.

Jim unzipped his jeans and freed his weeping cock. "Now what, babe?"

"Don't touch yourself... just smell me... my pheromones, my arousal... my pre-come..." Blair tried to control his trembling. He
wasn't really an exhibitionist but knew Jim got horny just thinking about using those toys.

"Why don't you switch it on?" Jim suggested. His breath caught, seeing it slip passed the guardian muscle. "No, on second thought, don't switch it on yet..." He wanted to touch himself and bring himself to orgasm, but Blair had told him no and he obeyed. Blair's face contorted briefly as more of the vibrator slipped inside. "Did you use enough lube, babe?"

"Just aching for your touch, man..." Blair managed to relax. The vibrator was half inside him, and seeing Jim lick his lips Blair
began to pull it out, only to thrust it in again.

"Oh, babe, you look so hot doing yourself... can I touch myself now?"

"No." Blair's mouth had gone dry and using his free hand he gestured Jim to approach. "Come here, Jim."

Jim didn't waste any time and kneeled on the floor. "Want me to help?"

"It's an awkward position," Blair admitted. Jim's hand covered his and now they moved the vibrator together.

Jim pulled Blair closer and rested his lover's legs on his shoulders. "Let me taste you... I love the way you taste..."

Shakily, Blair nodded his head. He watched as Jim pried away his hand, moving the vibrator alone now, leaving it motionless inside his passage. Dazed, Blair threw back his head as Jim's lips closed over his aching cock. The sensation almost made him come, but Jim squeezed the base of his cock hard. "Oh, Jim-m... m-man...What are you... d-doing to me?" Pushing back, he tried to impale himself further on the vibrator.

Jim's groin was on fire and suddenly his orgasm was ripped away from him. He sucked hard at the tip of Blair's cock, causing his lover to yelp helplessly. I came... I came just from pleasuring Blair...

Blair's head was lolling and his hair hid part of his face. His fingers clawed at the cushions and he was rocking rhythmically,
trying to manoeuvre the tip of the vibrator closer to his prostate.

Grinning wickedly, Jim turned on the vibrator. Blair's hips rose in shock and his lover's gaze was filled with disbelief when the
vibrations traveled up his ass, finding his prostate.

"Harder? Faster?" Blair whimpered. He needed to come now!

Jim hoped Blair knew what he was asking and increased the vibration to the maximum.

Blair trembled, biting his lip. His whole body shook in rhythm to the vibrations and he rocked helplessly.

"My God, you're so beautiful!" Not even in his wildest dreams had Jim thought Blair would be this passionate and uninhibited. Thrusting the vibrator in and out, he took Blair's erection in to his mouth, relaxed his throat and massaged his lover's cock.

"F-f-f--uck!" Blair arched his back, thrusting in to Jim's mouth and released his come in jerky spurts. His inner muscle contracted around the vibrator and he felt thankful when Jim turned down the speed.

Jim grinned, seeing Blair's stunned expression. He carefully left the vibrator in place, feeling Blair's muscle clench around it and for once he felt thankful for having Sentinel senses. "Shst, babe, calm down... you're coming down from an adrenaline high..." He moved Blair's legs back onto the couch, gently massaging them.

His orgasm slowly faded and left him feeling sated and sore. Blair stared at Jim's warm eyes, marveling at the fact that Jim loved making him come.

"I'm going to pull it out now. This might hurt, babe..."

Blair nodded his head and stifled a pain filled moan as Jim removed the vibrator from his body. Boneless, he stared at the ceiling. "I'm gonna be sore for days..."

"Was it worth it?" Jim leaned in closer and brushed Blair's lips.

"Yeah," Blair whispered softly.

"Stay here; don't try to move, okay?" Jim placed another kiss on Blair's brow and then headed towards the bathroom, where he cleaned the vibrator. After removing his come from his groin area he zipped up and returned to the living area.

Blair smiled blissfully, recalling that Jim had called him beautiful. His smile changed in to a grin when Jim returned and ran a wet
washcloth over his trembling body. First, Jim cleaned his belly, then his cleft and in the end he gently cleaned his limp cock and spent balls. "Man, you're too good to be true!"

"Thank you..."

Blair arched an eyebrow at hearing those words. "What for?"

"For doing yourself like that..." Jim dried Blair's skin and sat down on the couch next to his lover. He spread his legs and Blair moved between them. "Caroline never liked putting on a show..."

"Seeing me like that made you horny as hell, didn't it?" Blair chuckled, moved into Jim's arms and rested his back against his
lover's chest.

"You've got no idea what it does to me to see you touch you like that." Jim licked the skin at the back of Blair's neck and loved hearing his lover's tiny moans of need. "Makes me really happy you're mine, babe."

"It feels a bit awkward," Blair admitted. "I never used any toys on myself and..." Blair blushed.

"You were so hot, babe...so hot... set me on fire..." Jim nibbled on Blair's earlobe. "Want me to join you in the shower?"

"Nah..." Blair locked eyes with his lover. "I need some time to recover, you sex addict!"

"Hey, I didn't walk into the living room, eager to slide a vibrator up my ass. You did!" Jim released Blair from his embrace and watched his lover get to his feet. "You've got such a cute ass, babe!"

Blair laughed and walked towards the bathroom. I've got the feeling our sex life will really be exhausting... good!

///

Jim stared in fascination at his lover, who lay sprawled on his bed. The long dark locks framed an angelic face, but Jim knew best that his lover was a horny little devil and he felt immensely grateful for having Blair as his lover. Caroline had never been creative in bed and whenever he'd wanted to try something new, whether it had been a new position or a sex toy, she had given him the cold shoulder and he'd spent the night on the couch in the living room.

But this horny little devil was eager to try something new, craved new sensations and experiences and he vowed to never let the passion between them die. Blair was his life. He needed to touch his lover, to smell his arousal and come, see the golden locks, feel them tangle around his fingers and right now his senses needs were met one by one.

"Just relax for me, babe. I know you can do it." Jim's fingers slowly stretched his lover's passage. "Take regular breaths, you can do it."

Blair stared at small red rubber butt plug Jim had lubed up. The butt plug was five inches tall and one inch wide and it looked much too big to fit inside his body. His lover removed his fingers and placed the head of the rubber butt plug at his entrance. "I've never done this before, Jim," he whispered, feeling uncertain. What if he couldn't take the toy? Would Jim be disappointed?

"You don't have to do this. Just tell me what you want. If you want to stop that's what we'll do... do you want to stop?" Jim used the butt plug's head to gently massage Blair's guardian ring.

Blair shook his head. "I want to do this..." He needed Jim to guide him through it.

"Imagine how good it will feel once it's inside you. It's not nearly as large as my cock and the tip will find your sweet spot
effortlessly." Leaning in closer, he licked Blair's nipple and then used his tongue to tug at the nipple ring. Blair's moan signaled his surrender and Jim gently pushed the rubber toy inside.

"J-jim-m," Blair stuttered as the butt plug slid into his ass. The invasive feeling grew and his erection, which had faded, returned.

"Almost there, babe, almost there..." Gently, Jim probed his lover's ass deeper, sliding the butt plug into place. "How does that feel, babe?" Experimentally, Jim pumped Blair's cock and tapped against the base of the butt plug, sending vibrations in to his lover's ass. "And this is just the beginning. You have such a wonderful, long, pleasure filled night ahead of you..."

Blair made sure he didn't breathe too deeply, still getting used to the hardness inside him. "And you want me to wear this for how long?" Fuck, his cock was still rock hard and Jim was ignoring his need!

"All through dinner," Jim said teasingly and licked up and down the length of Blair's cock. Blair moaned helplessly and a naughty grin flashed across Jim's face. "You might need some help getting to your feet," he offered. Slowly, he pulled his lover to his feet. "How does it feel?" His fingers tapped again against the base of the butt plug and Blair almost collapsed in his arms.

"You... can't be serious about me wearing this through dinner!" Blair gasped when the tip of the butt plug brushed his prostate. "Oh, man!" He leaned heavily against Jim. "It feels like having your cock up my ass, but... it stays hard and... Fuck, I'm gonna to come!"

"Not yet, babe," Jim whispered the gentle command in to Blair's ear. "Don't come yet."

Blair shivered and wondered if Jim wanted him to put on his jeans again. He was only wearing a tank top and...

"Don't get dressed." Jim circled his lover and his fingers never left the toy, gently manipulating it, making Blair moan
deliriously. "Let's eat dinner, babe... and maybe you'll get a mind-blowing dessert."

Blair felt like his knees were going to give out on him when Jim's fingers ran up and down his cleft, sending vibrations up the butt plug. "You w-want me to sit down? With this up-p my ass?" A fine layer of sweat covered his skin and as he followed Jim downstairs, every step he took sent a million waves of pleasure through his lower body. "Maybe you should have bought me a cock ring as well, Jim..."

"Don't come yet," Jim said in a more forceful. "Now sit down and eat. I made pasta." Jim watched Blair closely as the younger man cautiously sat down on the wooden chair. He gestured Blair to start eating, but Blair was panting heavily, shifting on the chair. Having mercy on Blair, Jim kneeled down in front of his lover and pulled the chair away from the table.

Dazed, Blair stared at his lover. "Whadda ya gonna do?"

"Make you come... or don't you want me to?" Jim wrapped his fingers around Blair's angry red erection and pumped it slowly. "Tell me how it feels... how does it feel to have that butt plug inside you?"

"You've got no idea, Jim," Blair moaned, leaning back. "Your cock's the best, but this guy never tires and... it's rubbing my prostate constantly..." Blair was surprised he could still talk coherently.

"Come on, babe, lie down." Jim eased him out of the chair and on to the floor. It was the first time Blair was wearing a butt plug and apparently it was a gigantic turn on for his lover... and for me too!

Blair laid down on his back and allowed Jim to push a cushion beneath his butt. "Make me come?"

"I will..." Jim's thoughts of letting Blair wear the butt plug during dinner were gone, seeing his lover's need and arousal. "How do you want to come?"

"With you inside..." Blair pulled back his legs, completely opening himself to his lover. "Make love to me?"

Jim growled, seeing his lover this vulnerable. He unzipped his jeans, pulled down his boxers and his eager cock jutted free. He was already leaking pre-ejaculate and Jim knew he had to act fast or he'd come while still outside his lover. "I'm gonna remove the butt plug... try to relax."

Blair howled as the toy left his body. He felt stretched and loose. "Come on, man, inside!"

Jim happily obliged his lover, wrapped his fingers around his cock and guided it into his lover's opening, sliding inside with startling ease. He placed his hands on either sides of Blair's head and kissed him passionately while pounding into his lover's moist warmth. Releasing Blair's lips, Jim threw back his head, sliding in and out in a hypnotizing rhythm. "Touch yourself."

Blair bit his lip, hearing that request and curled his fingers around his cock, pumping hard.

"That's it, babe... I'm almost there..."

Blair grinned. Who would have known Jim would turn out to be the talker and screamer? He pumped his erection harder as Jim's thrusts grew erratic. One of those deep thrusts crashed in to his prostate, causing him to come.

Jim growled, smelling Blair's come, feeling his lover's heat contract around him and he held perfectly still, letting the spasms push him over the edge... He released his come and pulled back... leaving the vice like grip of Blair's body. Seeing Blair's big eyes, Jim laughed warmly. "You're so good at this... I love taking you..."

Blair swallowed hard. "Love you too, Jim." He pulled his lover's body on top of his, lowered his legs and then wrapped them around Jim's waist. "Never let me go... take me until the end of time..."

"Forever..."

Part 4

Jim fingered Blair's locks and looked affectionately at his lover who laid cradled in his arms. This weekend had been a dream come true and Jim had been pleasantly surprised to find that Blair's sex drive matched his. They had been going at it non stop, occasionally limiting themselves to hand and blowjobs when Blair still felt sore from the last time they'd made love.

Blair watched Wally carry more food to his home. The limp was almost gone and the sparkling black eyes constantly studied his surroundings in search of food. One time when they'd made love he'd looked up to find Wally stare at them. "Hey, Jim, what are you thinking about?"

"That this is the best Christmas I ever had!" Jim cupped his lover's chin in the palm of his hand. "I hate to see this weekend end." Tomorrow morning they had to go back to work and their intimate moments would inevitably be cut short. "I don't want this to end yet..."

Blair nodded his head... "I don't want it to end either... I want to make love to you... Let's lose the clothes and get down to
business..."

///

"Come on, baby, hold on to me..." Jim tightened his grip on his lover. "Wrap those legs around me and hold on!"

His back was against the wall and Blair held on for dear life. "Jim, maybe we should try a different position..." A moan left his bruised lips as Jim's cock head rubbed against his prostate. Jim had folded his legs around his waist and his lover's hands cupped his ass, moving him up and down Jim's cock. "My legs are cramping up... not good..."

Jim looked down. Blair's erection was fading and his lover's body was tensing up. Not a good thing while making love. Looking about, his gaze settled on the kitchen table. "Hold on a little longer, babe."

Blair had wrapped his arms around Jim's neck. The only things keeping him in place were Jim's hands on his ass and the hard cock inside his body. "Where are we going, man?"

Jim carried his lover to the kitchen table and freed one hand to push the fresh fruits out of his way so he could lay Blair down.

Blair sighed relieved. "The kitchen table? I don't think I can ever eat a meal at this table again... This really isn't hygienic."

"Not now, Blair, no lectures." Jim supported Blair's legs and resumed thrusting. "This okay for you, babe?"

"Yeah." Blair cringed, feeling the wood rub against his back. Hopefully, there wouldn't be any wood splinters. The sheer force of Jim's thrusts was pushing him over the table and he locked eyes with his lover. "You really love doing me, don't you?"

"I love making love to you," Jim admitted, delivering another vicious thrust aimed at Blair's prostate.

"Jim, please, man... no more talking... I want a good hard pounding..." Blair closed his eyes and focused on feeling Jim inside
his body. Within seconds, he came hard. Jim grinned victoriously, letting Blair's muscle milk him dry. It was the first time he'd managed to time their orgasm, making them come simultaneously. He leaned in closer, licked Blair's belly button and then looked up at his lover. Not pulling back yet, he relished feeling Blair's tight heat around him. "Blair... babe..." Jim licked his lips, hoping his timing to ask this particular question didn't suck. "Don't you want to top? I know you love being on the bottom,
but..."

"I don't want to top... not yet anyways, maybe in a few weeks... Right now I don't want to miss feeling you explode inside me." Blair cringed at the loss as Jim pulled out of him. Wrapping his arms around Jim's waist, he sat up slowly, wishing he would stop feeling sore each time they made love. "I want it this way, okay?"

"Okay, babe... I just want you to know that I'd let you.... take me..." Jim swallowed hard. "You'd be the first though..."

"Ah!" Blair grinned and suckled the skin just beneath Jim's collarbone. "A tight assed virgin! That explains you being anal all
the time!"

Jim winced. "Babe..."

"It's okay, Jim... We'll wait until you're ready... it's not easy making yourself that vulnerable... I can wait."

"I don't deserve you," Jim whispered and kissed his lover on the lips. "But I'm sure glad I have you!"

///

"I made it home!" Relieved, Blair dumped his backpack in his old room and then headed upstairs to change into some sweats. Jim had moved his clothes into his closet, which they now shared. They'd decided that his old room would become a study.

Blair grinned. Their sex toy collection was growing quickly. Jim had taken him to the adult store when he'd made his first purchases and now a cock ring and another, larger, dildo had found their way into their bed. The dildo was Jim's.

After his lover had admitted that he did want him to top, Blair had suggested buying Jim a dildo so he could practice on himself. Jim had agreed and was now using the dildo, trying to get accustomed to being filled and stretched. He'd accepted Jim's need for privacy and had never tried to pry when Jim had done himself with the dildo. Hearing soft moans and grunted growls from upstairs had always reassured him that Jim liked feeling the toy inside him.

But what would happen once they were face to face, ready to make love? How would Jim react when he felt the head of his lover's cock against his entrance? Would Jim shy away and call it quits?

"And tonight's the big night... hopefully." Blair changed into a sweatshirt and sweatpants and made his way back to the kitchen where he started dinner. Tonight he was going to take Jim for the very first time. He felt nervous himself, knowing how important it was that Jim loved being taken that first time. If he didn't love the sensation Jim might never want to bottom again.

Blair however, loved to bottom. Jim was an incredible attentive top who never took him for granted and he didn't feel things had to change. It was Jim who wanted to take this step and deepen their relationship. Hopefully Jim bottoming wouldn't backfire on them.

"What's going to happen tonight?" His nervousness was growing. What if he messed up and hurt Jim? What if he did everything wrong? What if Jim had changed his mind? No problem, not really, he could deal with that.

Stirring the sauce, he wondered if he should have pointed out to Jim that this was going to be his first time too. He'd never topped before and felt equally scared and nervous.

The key turning in the lock signaled Jim's return and Blair tried to push away his nervousness. They'd eat dinner and see what happened next. "Hey, Jim, glad you made it home."

Hearing Blair's voice, Wally dashed out of his cotton shirt and raced towards his bowl, expecting to find it filled. Realizing it was still empty, he scooted closer to Blair, considering dragging off some pasta instead.

"No, you won't!" Blair quickly pulled the pasta away and realized he hadn't put any ferret food in to the bowl. "You're hungry, aren't you?" Blair filled Wally's bowl and watched the ferret eat, and drag off the surplus food. It still amazed him that Jim had agreed to let the critter stay.

Jim dropped his keys in to the basket and got rid of his coat. He felt awfully tired. Simon had assigned him to a new case and he'd been trying to track down a suspect all day long. "I missed you at the station."

"I promised to help some students who are about to fail the course. I'm sorry, Jim, I..."

Jim cut his lover off by placing a finger against Blair's lips. "No apologies, remember? Your students needed you." They'd talked about this during the Christmas hols and Jim had realized how exhausting Blair's working schedule had become and he'd felt bad for taking up so much of Blair's time. "You're a TA, babe... you love to teach, and that's your job, your life..."

"You're my life..." Blair looked up apologetically. "It was just that they were working so hard and I didn't want them to fail and..." Jim's finger moved against his lips, silencing him again.

"What's for dinner?"

"Pasta..." Blair barely kept back from sucking Jim's fingertip. However, he didn't want to rush his lover tonight and turned away, pretending to be busy stirring and tasting the tomato sauce.

"Let's eat in front of the TV, alright, babe?"

"You're tired, aren't you?" Blair brushed Jim's lips with his fingertips.

"It was a hellish day, babe."

"Why don't you take a hot shower and slip in to some clean clothes? The pasta can wait for another ten minutes."

"Thanks." Jim gratefully followed Blair's suggestion and moved toward the bathroom. "Are we still on for tonight?"

Blair swallowed hard, seeing that particular expression in Jim's blue eyes. "If that's what you want... Tonight is about what you want, Jim."

"There are so many reasons why I love you," Jim whispered, leaned in close and kissed his lover passionately. "I'll be back in ten. I'm going to take that shower first..."

Blair watched Jim walk into the bathroom and suddenly his stomach contracted wildly. He really ought to tell Jim that he'd never topped before...

///

"That was marvelous, Blair. You really make some great spaghetti Napolitano." Jim placed his empty dish on the coffee table and pushed deeper into the comfort of the cushions. Shifting slightly, he now faced Blair and was surprised to see the nervous twitch near his lover's face. It only surfaced when Blair felt stressed. "Babe, what's going on?"

"You still want to do... it... tonight?" Shivers went up and down Blair's spine.

"Yeah, I think I'm ready for it." Jim was speaking the truth. Playing with the dildo had taken away his fears and apprehension and he knew that making love with Blair would be so much better. But now it seemed that Blair was getting cold feet.

"I've never done it like that before," Blair mumbled Sentinel soft.

"Never done what?" Jim's brow grew knotted, trying to make sense of his lover's remark.

"I never topped," Blair blurted out. Blushing, he avoided Jim's eyes and looked down at the floor.

"Blair, babe, look at me." Jim cupped his lover's chin in the palm of his hand and tried not to show his surprise. Looking into his lover's big eyes Jim felt thankful that Doctor Gaston had removed the eye-patch two days ago. Now he could look in to both blue eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?" Now he understood why Blair felt this nervous. Hell, he felt nervous too.

"I was afraid you would have blown it off and I know how badly you want this to happen." Feeling miserable, Blair was forced to meet Jim's eyes. "I'm so nervous and scared."

"Nervous I understand because I feel the same way, but why are you scared? I'm not scared. I trust you. I love you... why are you scared, babe?"

"What if I do everything wrong? What if I hurt you?" Blair noticed that Jim was moving closer and suddenly he found himself wrapped up in strong arms.

"You'll do everything right. You won't hurt me, babe." Jim rocked Blair slowly. "We'll do this together, okay? It's gonna be our first time together like that. It's okay to be nervous."

Blair looked at Jim's eyes and gasped at seeing the trust and love there. "You'll have to guide me through it."

"I think it'll come naturally once you let go of your fears, babe..." Jim continued to hold Blair and placed soft kisses on the silk
locks. "We don't have to make love tonight if you don't want to. We've got plenty of time..."

Blair interrupted him. "No, I want this... want you that way, but... I can't help being nervous."

"It's okay. Why don't we sit here and watch some TV? We'll see what happens, alright?" Blair nodded against his chest and Jim smiled, feeling blessed with having Blair as his lover.

///

"It's time to open the champagne, Jim." Blair handed Jim the champagne bottle. Although the bullpen gang had invited them to
celebrate New Year's with them, they had decided to keep it intimate, just the two of them.

Jim opened the champagne bottle and filled their glasses. They had left the TV on so they could witness the countdown and softly they counted down as well. "Five, four, three, two, one..." Jim smiled radiantly and claimed Blair's lips. "Happy New Year, babe."

Blair wanted to answer, but Jim's lips kept him busy and he leaned back, almost collapsing on to the couch, dragging Jim down with him. The kiss continued, even deepened and Blair brought his hands up behind his lover's back, holding him tight.

Jim offered Blair a sip from his champagne and then put the glass away before the champagne could slosh over the rim. He was straddling Blair's hips and felt his lover grow aroused beneath him. "I've been thinking about positions, babe... Which position would you prefer?" His hand sneaked down and massaged Blair's erection through the fabric.

"Whatever makes you comfortable," Blair whispered breathlessly. He didn't know if Jim was rubbing against him on purpose, but the motion was extremely stimulating and he almost begged Jim to take him, remembering just in time what this evening was about.

"You must have given this some thought, Darwin, I know you..." Jim ran his hands over Blair's face, tracing the outline of his lover's luscious lips. "Come on, you can tell me."

Blair licked his lips. "Jim, man, why don't you tell me how you want it?"

Jim considered the request. Blair was already nervous like hell, even more nervous than he was and if he wanted the evening to be a success he had to stop pushing Blair. "You like it doggie style, don't you?"

"Love it." Blair's blush deepened. "It would be the most comfortable position for you, lying down on your stomach..."

"Why don't I head upstairs, get undressed and you join me in bed, babe?" Jim's instincts were insisting that once Blair got passed the initial stage fright everything would turn out right. "Join me when you're ready, okay, babe?" He squeezed Blair's cock goodbye and climbed the stairs.

"Oh, shit, now what... don't talk aloud, he can hear you!" Blair quickly covered his mouth with his right hand. Why was he this
nervous? He knew what to do, knew how to prepare Jim and Jim had repeatedly told him he wanted this. Jim was right. He had to lose his nervousness.

Pacing the living area, he recalled walking in here, butt naked and with a vibrator in his hand. He'd taken the initiative back then and Jim had followed his every command. It could be like that again... he could do this!

Blair took a deep, calming breath and nodded his head. I can do this. I can go up there and take him, make him beg, plead and moan. I can do this. I love him and Jim loves me. I can do this... As he repeated his new mantra his confidence returned and grew. Climbing the stairs he was determined to fuck Jim through the floor.

///

Jim was pushing a pillow beneath his hips when he caught the approaching footfalls. Blair was climbing the stairs and
involuntarily he focused on his lover's vitals. He felt reassured when he didn't pick up an excessive fast heartbeat, yes, it was fast, but not that fast. Blair seemed to have composted himself again and Jim released a content sigh.

This past week had been a revelation. On the first day he had only stared at the dildo, uncertain he wanted something that big up his ass. He'd bought a dildo which was larger than Blair's cock on purpose, wanting to be able to accommodate his lover and he'd needed those seven days to convince himself that it was okay to slide it into his body, but once he had, his eyes had bulged when the head of the dildo had brushed his prostate. He'd quickly grown addictive to that feeling and he really, really wanted Blair inside.

His cock was hard and rubbed against the pillow. Jim didn't look over his shoulder, enjoying the thrill of not knowing what would happen next.

"You've got a great ass, man." Awed at the sight in front of him, Blair came to a halt. "And I'm gonna be the first to touch you there, to slide inside you... tell me, does that prospect turn you on?" He'd decided to make the best of it, trying to give Jim what his lover craved and yes, he could do this!

"Makes me so hot and bothered, babe..." Jim's whispered words were muffled by the pillows and he raised his butt a little higher. "Do me, babe... please."

Blair's cock twitched happily, dying to bury itself in that tight little hole. No, he's a virgin. I shouldn't rush this.

"What are you doing?" Jim still resisted the temptation to look over his shoulder. Part of him just wanted Blair to slam inside and fuck him hard.

"Just getting rid of my clothes, man." Blair dropped his shirt and sweatpants on to the floor and then stepped out of his boxers. "No, don't do that," he commanded as Jim wanted to raise himself onto all fours. "Relax, stay down." Blair took another deep breath and climbed onto the bed and straddled his lover's lower back.

Jim moaned deliriously, as Blair's warm hands began to knead his buttocks. "Oh, babe, want you so bad."

Blair smiled, relieved that Jim was relaxed and eager to go ahead with this. His gaze traveled to the toys, situated at the foot end of their bed and he took hold of Jim's dildo, switching it on. Jim tensed beneath him. "You recognize that noise, don't you, Jim?"

"Oh, yeah, but please, babe... I want the real thing."

Blair laughed warmly. "Jim, why didn't you ever tell me you're a slut? Do you want me to fuck you that badly? Want to feel my cock thrust inside you? Want me to give you a good hard pounding like you gave me? You'll be sore for days, is that what you want?"

"Fuck yes!" Jim was trying to rub his cock harder against the pillow, but Blair's weight kept him from making much process. "Please, babe... I want you to fuck me."

Blair grabbed the KJ and squeezed a generous amount onto his fingertips. "Did you ever use your fingers or just the dildo? Tell
me, Jim."

"Just the dildo..." Jim arched his back and raised his ass, inviting Blair to finally claim him. "I don't do patience well right now,
babe, please... I waited so long for this..." His eyes widened, feeling a cool fingertip press against his guardian muscle. Finally!
It was finally going to happen! He pushed back, almost trying to lure Blair's finger inside his body.

Blair obliged him, unable to keep back at seeing such raw need. His finger slipped inside and his other hand continued to massage Jim's lower back. "Don't come... you hear me? You told me not to come when I had to wear that butt plug and now I'm telling you not to come!"

"Two fingers... please, I can take more!"

"Feeling a little competitive are we?" Blair removed his finger, added more lube and returned with two. "Man, you're tight... was I that tight?"

"Babe..."

"Dial it down, Jim... Dial it down, but make sure you still feel me move inside you... got it?"

Jim struggled to dial his senses down, but succeeded. "Babe, we need to hurry this up... I'm about to come..."

"How do you want it?" Blair kept talking as he removed his fingers. He lubed up his cock, curled his fingers around his leaking shaft and positioned himself at Jim's entrance. "Can you feel my cock? Can you?"

"Oh yeah, more... please...more... all of you..." Jim's fingers clawed the sheet and he spread his legs even further, urging Blair to sink in and fuck him.

"Okay, lover, you want my cock up your ass, you'll have it!" Slowly, he pushed passed the ring of muscle and then paused, giving Jim to adjust to the sensation. "I'm deflowering you, Jim... how does that feel? Every time you fuck me I feel like that... how does it feel to have my cock up your ass?"

"Fuck, Blair... didn't know you could talk dirty like that!" Jim panted hard as Blair moved again, sliding deeper. "Fuck..." It hurt! The dildo had never hurt and Blair's cock wasn't even as big as the dildo!

"Try to relax, Jim. The pain will fade, trust me, I know. I had your cock up my ass on an almost daily basis!" Blair paused again. "I'm halfway in, Jim, want me to stop and pull out?"

"NO!" Jim roared, indignant that Blair would even consider abandoning him. Raising himself on all fours, he rocked back hard, forcing more of Blair inside.

"Jim, calm down..." Blair suddenly realized that he was balls deep into Jim's ass. His heavy balls slapped against his lover's butt and he sneaked one hand beneath Jim's stomach to wrap his fingers around the other man's needy cock. Slowly, he began to pump Jim. "Is that it? Is this what you want? You want me to fuck you? To come inside you? Leave my come in your ass so you know you're mine?" Exploratory, he thrust, aiming at Jim's sweet spot.

"Ah, that's it..." Jim growled approvingly as the tip of Blair's cock brushing his prostate, sending this incredible sensual sensation through his body. "Again, please, again!"

"Whatever you want, lover!" Blair leaned forward and rested his body on top of Jim's. The angle of his thrusts changed and he hit Jim's prostate with everything stroke. Jim's cock was heavily leaking pre-ejaculate and he realized that his lover wouldn't last much longer. "You feel so hot around me, Jim. So tight, so right. I'm the first man to slide inside you, to rub your prostate, to fuck you... do you like it?"

"I love it..." Jim grunted hungrily, unable to beg for more, but luckily Blair didn't need his encouragement. He bit his lip as
Blair's thrusts grew stronger, harder, deeper... The ecstasy started in his balls and traveled through his groin, exploding from his cock. Covering Blair's hand with come, he bucked, causing Blair to push him down.

"Jim, what...?" Blair froze, resting his entire weight on his lover's back. Jim's muscle clenched him and the spasms catapulted him into orgasm as well. Releasing his come, Blair licked and then bit the soft flesh at the back of Jim's neck. "Fuck, you feel so good..."

Jim collapsed onto his stomach as his knees and elbows gave out on him. Blair followed him down and laid like a dead weight on top of him. Geez, he really loved feeling Blair push him down like that. However, the best thing was that Blair hadn't pulled out yet and he concentrated on feeling his lover's sated and spent cock.

It took Blair a few moments to return to reality after riding an intense wave of ecstasy. "Oh, man, can we do that again?"

"Whenever you want, babe..." Jim cringed and hissed sharply as Blair unexpectedly pulled out.

"You okay?" Blair rolled onto his side and managed to catch Jim's eyes. The goofy look assured him that Jim was alright. "It's quite a rush, isn't it?"

"Now I understand why you love to take it up the ass, babe..." Jim brushed a stray lock away from Blair's face and studied his
lover. "Best loving I ever had..."

"Yeah, we didn't do too badly, considering it was our first time..." Blair smiled and his fingers caressed Jim's face. "I love you."

"Love you too, my heart..." Jim pulled Blair close, ignoring the fact that he was lying in the wet spot. They could clean up in a moment. Right now he just wanted to hold Blair.

Blair happily moved into Jim's arms and smiled against his lover's chest.

///

Sometime during the night Jim woke. Opening his eyes he located the source of unwanted noise. Wally had climbed into bed and was now forcing himself a way between them. Blair laid facing him and they had wrapped arms and legs around each other. Wally was now trying to curl up between them. "I don't think so," Jim commented. But in order to remove Wally he had to free his arms and Blair was tightly holding onto him. Resigned, Jim watched the ferret snuggle up to Blair.

Marveling at the turn his life had taken, he mentally reviewed these last two weeks. Blair had broken down, telling him about David and Naomi deserting him and then they had admitted they had feelings for each other. Blair had turned out to be a horny little devil and the thing that surprised him was that it had been so easy to hand over control to Blair only a few hours ago. His lover hadn't disappointed him and he already felt hungry for more. He wanted to make love to Blair for the rest of their lives.

"I love you, babe, I really do... never loved anyone as deeply as I love you. Please never leave me..." In his sleep, Blair reached out to pull him close and Jim smiled warmly. Blair felt so incredibly good in his arms. Blair had become his life and he was never letting go again.

The end!
November 2001