Title: Fear Based Responses.

Author/psuedonym: Patt Paulos-Darrow

Pairing:J/B Preslash

Rating:G

Category:Poetry

Date:April 19, 2000

Series/sequel:no

Status:new

Archive:yes

Disclaimer: These guys don't belong to me, never did, never will, but I can dream. Petfly doesn't like to share. They also don't pay me, darn it anyhow.

Warning: m/m

Summary: Serious thoughts from Jim.

Fear Based Responses

by
Patt Paulos-Darrow

The shades are drawn, trying to keep out the day.
I am not ready for it at all.
I am hiding, I know this, but can't help it.
Blair was being patient, but is wanting to go now.
He can't be with someone who is afraid of what he is.
I am ashamed of the way I acted towards him.
But can't seem to get past it.
What is wrong with me?
He gave me a choice, I chose the wrong thing.
But it is the only choice I could have made.
Then why is the pain so bad in my heart?
I love him, why can't I just say it and show it?
I am so sorry Blair, I wanted it to be different.
Giving up is not usually what I do.
But I have no where to go.
I can't live with myself like this.
You come in the door to pack and my heart is breaking.
I am so scared of being alone, and unloved.
It has been a long time since someone really loved me.
God, Chief, I have to take a chance.
You are worth it, I have to make that decision.
I love the way you smile.
You make my day brighter just being in the loft.
Okay, I made the wrong choice, but never to late to change.
As I head into your room, I am smiling.
I know I am doing the right thing.
Then I see your face light up.
Now I know I did.
I love you.
*******