Title - Early Retirement Memo

Author - Scorpio & unknown

Archive: If you feel you must...

Fandom: Sentinel

Pairing: Jim/Blair

Rating: PG

Catagory: Humor (this is also the warning - it's a little raw)

Disclaimer: All things Sentinel belong to Pet Fly. The Memo belongs to unknown. I can't take credit for it, I just loved it enough to steal it. (I must be channeling Autolycus from Hercules)

Summary: Blair finds a memo while out at the Museum...

Early Retirement Memo
by Scorpio & Unknown

Blair dashed into the loft with a big silly grin on his face and mirth dancing in his large eyes. Barely suppressing a giggle, he jogged over to his lover who was relaxing on the couch and flipping through the channels. He plopped down next to Jim and dropped his heavy bag between his legs on the floor. Opening it up and quickly riffling through the many books and notes, he pulled out a wrinkled piece of paper.

"Jim man, you *gotta* see this. I found it when I was at the Cascade Museum. It's *too* funny man. Somebody somewhere has a hell of a sense of humor."

He waved the piece of paper in front of his lover with a big smile lighting his face up. Jim grinned at him, catching his good mood. He took the paper and turned it around to see.

"Sure thing Chief..."


To: All Employees
From: Management

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to go on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of the younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel).

Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for employment outside the company. SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the program is called SCREW. (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).

All employees who have been SLAPPED or SCREWED may file an appeal with the upper management. This is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedures, he/she will be entitled to Get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment) unless he/she already has AIDS (Additional Income From Dependents or Spouse). As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employeewho has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). This company takes pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job see your immediate supervisor.

YOUR SUPERVISOR IS SPECIALLY TRAINED TO MAKE SURE YOU RECEIVE ALL THE SHIT YOU CAN STAND.


Jim finished reading it and blinked a few times. Then, in an uncontrollable burst of glee, his deep rumbling laughter filled the loft. Blair laughed right along with him...


the end tidbit...

(sorry if anyone was offended by this one...)