Damage

Author: Patt

Rating: R

Pairings: Jim/Blair

Status: Complete

Date: 08/18/03

Category: humor, First Times, Peja Challenge

Damage
by Patt

"The damage is done...." Came out of both men's mouths at the very same moment. Jim looked at Blair in shock wondering what damage he had done to his Guide. And Blair looked at Jim as if to say, "You deserve the damage."

"Explain to me, what I've ever done to you." Jim shouted.

"I can't believe you're asking that. You're a half-wit, an imbecile, a moron and an idiot on top of being an asshole."

"Let's not do the name calling. Just explain to me."

"Fine. You don't respect me, you don't treat me all that well, you yell at me all the time, you were going to fuck the woman who killed me, you kicked me out of the only home I've ever called home, you believed that I would sell you out to some book publishing company and you believed I would hurt you. God, I hate you." Blair was getting sadder by the moment.

"Okay, I listened, now it's my turn. I do respect you, just don't always respect your choices, I'm nice to you, I don't yell all that much, I wasn't in control when I went after Alex, and I'm sorry that I tossed you out of the loft and it was you that left your thesis out for anyone and everyone to see. So maybe deep down, you wanted someone to see it."

"Fuck you. I can't believe you think that." Blair said quietly.

"Well maybe it's time to move on for both of us. The damage has been done, after all." Jim said just as quietly.

"So you're tossing me out again?" Blair didn't look up when he asked.

"I don't see us going anywhere but down."

Blair's shoulders started to shake but no noise was coming from him. Jim was certain he was crying.

"Chief, it just wasn't meant to be. The damage has..."

"Oh shut the fuck up about the damage being done. The damage is being done right now. You're leaving me. You don't fucking love me." This time Blair lifted his head and looked into Jim's sad eyes. He realized they were both damaged.

"Jim, do you love me at all?"

"You know I love you."

"Then how can you toss me aside like trash?" Blair knew how to work his Sentinel.

"Blair, how long have we been sleeping together?"

"Since Alex."

"The reason that is, is because I felt guilty. I'm sorry. I think this will work out better." Jim walked towards the stairs.

"Get your ass back here."

"Chief, we have to stop. I can't be with you. I don't trust you. I would always think you were sleeping with someone else."

Blair was so quick that Jim wasn't ready. Blair slapped him very hard in the face. Then he slapped him again and again. Jim didn't even put up a fight.

"Jim, don't you think we're worth fighting about?"

"Not anymore." Jim walked up the stairs with his shoulders drooping. He turned around and said, "I'd like you to be out by tonight."

"Fine. I'll go live in my car you asshole." Blair ran up the stairs and packed a few things and then he was out the door.

Jim hugged Blair's pillow to his body and whispered, "The damage has already been done."

The following day Blair didn't show up and Simon called, "Ellison, my office, now."

"Do you want to know where your partner was all night long?" Simon glared at Jim.

"Sir, he doesn't live with me, so why should I care?" Jim said coldly.

"You're real tough Ellison. Does it fool everyone? Does anyone see the pain and fear that lie right below that surface?"

"Shut up." Jim yelled. "I'm not afraid of anyone or anything."

"Do you want to know where he is?"

"I could care less."

"Well good, then this won't bother you. He's down in the morgue." Simon stood there waiting for some response.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god. Simon, I didn't mean it. I love him. He was my life. What will I do without him?" Jim was right up against Simon by this time.

Simon pulled him into his arms and said, "He's not dead Jim. He killed a robbery suspect and he went down there to meet with IA."

"He's not dead? He's not dead? Simon, do you think damage can ever be undone?"

"Of course. That's what forgiveness is for. Now go talk to him and forgive each other. Love each other and start your life again." Simon ordered as he shoved him towards the door.

"Thank you, sir."

"My obligation to you as your friend is to make sure I point out what an idiot you are at least once a week." Simon smiled at his friend.

Jim smiled as he walked through the bullpen, making everyone else smile and got on the elevator. When he got to the basement he heard Blair talking to Dan Wolfe and grinned. Then he heard something he shouldn't be listening to.

"Dan, do you know anyone nice that I could date?"

"Yeah, how about Jim?"

"He doesn't want me anymore. I'm damaged goods." Blair said softly.

"What are you talking about?" Dan needed to know.

"I fucked up so bad and Jim doesn't trust me or love me anymore. He told me to leave last night. So I need to move on."

"Where you living?" Dan asked.

"No where. That's why I was there at the little store all night watching. I don't have anywhere to go." Blair looked so sad.

Dan had never been so tempted to take him into his arms. Then he looked and saw Jim coming in the door. He had a feeling this would work out just fine.

"You have a place Chief. It's ours not mine. I had no right to push you out. Your name is on the deed. You could have thrown me out just as easily. I love you and I'm sorry. I said many cruel things, but you didn't deserve them at all. I'm sorry. You're not damaged, you're beautiful and I'd like you to be mine again. Please?"

"What about trust. You said you couldn't trust me."

"I lied. I was pushing you away. For some reason it scared me suddenly that we were this serious. Forgive me?" Jim asked coming closer.

"So you think the damage can be undone?" Blair asked looking up into Jim's sad face.

"I hope to god it can. I need you. I want you. I love you." Jim pulled him into his arms and held on for dear life.

"Ditto, man. Let's go home. I never slept." Blair casually mentioned.

"What makes you think there's going to be any sleeping at the loft?" Jim smiled down at Blair and Blair knew things were going to be all right.


End: Damage