Title: Conner's Quiz 2

Have You Ever Said?

Author/pseudonym: Patt

Rating: R

Pairings: Bullpen survey, humor.

Status: Complete

Date: 04-06-01

Archive: Yes

Series/Sequel: Conner's Quiz Series

Category: Bullpen Humor

Disclaimer: Borrowed, I'll return them when I'm done.

Notes: Blame Mary, she's offline for the time being and I'm insane without her. Boo Hoo. Thanks to SusanDanette for giving me ideas. Blame her too. She keeps incouraging me. What could I do? I have no self-control. Sob, sob, sob. That's me crying, not saying son-of-a-bitch.

Summary: Answer truthfully, have you ever said any of these? Another Survey that the guys need to help Conner with.

Warnings: m/m Bad language Silliness abounds. My Beta is away right now, so you'll have to make due. I miss you, Mary. :(

by Patt
***

Have you ever said?????

Conner: "Did you come? " "Because I didn't "

Joel: I would hope that I'd be able to tell.

Jim: I've never asked this.

Blair: I've asked when I wasn't very familiar with the woman I was with. I didn't know her sounds and so on?

Jim: Why not tell us all about it?

Simon: Back off, Jim. He's just answering a question.

Jim: So, he can't use me as an example?

Blair: Jim, baby, I don't know how to tell you this, but I don't ever have to ask if you came. The neighbors know that you came.

Jim: Oh shut up.

Blair: Well they do.

Brown: I've never asked this and I've never said the second part.

Rafe: I've never asked and wouldn't think to ask.

Conner: Rafe, why are you being such an ass?

Rafe: Because I'm sick to death of these stupid surveys and Simon will make us do these until the day we all die.

Conner: Hey, you can leave now. You can all leave if you want.

Blair: I don't want to Conner. I find it all fascinating.

Jim: I do too, Conner.

Rafe: All raise your hands that aren't surprised by the two wuss puss's saying this.

Simon: Jim sit down, he's entitled to his opinion.

Joel: I think that they're interesting too, Conner.

Conner: Thank you guys. Rafe you can leave if you want.

Rafe: No, I'm just in a bad mood.

Conner: What's wrong?

Rafe: I just broke up with someone.

Jim: Gosh, I can't believe that anyone wouldn't want to stay with you forever.

Blair: Jim shut up. Rafe? You okay?

Rafe: No, not really.

Simon: Why don't you go on home?

Rafe: No, I'd rather stay here, sir. It'll keep my mind off it.

Simon: Conner, want to move on now?
***

Conner: Ever said, "I have something to tell you " "Get tested. "

Joel: Nope.

Jim: No.

Blair: No.

Simon: No

Brown: No.

Rafe: Once.

Conner: Shit, you're kidding? Man, that must have been tough.

Rafe: It was scary, but I've learned you have to look out for yourself since then.

Jim: Well Rafe you can't let that ruin your life and your happiness forever.

Blair: Yeah, what he said.

Joel: Rafe if you need to talk, you know where I live.

Rafe: Well, this was about four years ago, but thanks anyhow.

Simon: Time to move on, Conner.

Conner: Group hug, anyone?

Jim: Nope.

Simon: No.

Blair: I will if anyone else wants to.

Joel: Sure.

Brown: Sure.

Rafe: I guess.

Jim: You guess?

Simon: Okay, group hug, on the count of three. Not to last longer than the count of five. Go.
****

Conner: Have you ever said, "I'm a Romantic. " but thought, "I'm poor. "

Jim: Hell yes.

Joel: I might have.

Simon: Yes, we've all been there.

Blair: Yeah.

Rafe: I don't think I've ever said this.

Brown: I've said it a few times.

Conner: Wow, this one was downright boring, fella's. Let see if the next one is better.

Simon: Conner if I didn't know better, I'd think you're trying to get us to argue on purpose.
***

Conner: Have you ever said, "I'll give you a call. " but thought, "I'd rather have my nipples torn off by a wild beast.

Joel: Conner, that one is funny. The picture I'm imagining is making me get weird feelings about everything.

Jim: Yeah, I've thought this. Maybe not the second part, but still.

Blair: I've thought this many times and had it said to me many.

Joel: Blair I can't believe you'd ever have had this said to you.

Blair: Joel, I used to be kind of a horn dog.

Rafe: Used to?

Brown: Yeah, used to?

Jim: Yes, used to. He's not one anymore.

Blair: Jim, I like to think I'll always be one.

Jim: Well maybe you'd like to think about yourself as single.

Blair: Geeze, Jim, get a grip. I'm crazy about you; you know that.

Simon: I've never said it or thought it, now could we move on before we have to listen to these two again?
***

Conner: Have you ever said, "I never meant to hurt you. " but thought, "I thought you weren't a virgin. "

Joel: Oh man, that's a terrible question. No, I never thought or said it.

Jim: No.

Simon: No

Rafe: I don't think so.

Brown: Well, Bri, you either did or didn't. Which is it?

Rafe: Okay, once. I said it once. I didn't know.

Simon: Nope never said or thought.

Blair: Said it once or twice.

Joel: You've said this more than once?

Jim: Stop while you're ahead, Blair.

Blair: Well, the question is, have you ever said, I never meant to hurt you. I'm answering that one.

Rafe: Oh please tell us you don't say this to Ellison.

Blair: Fuck you, Rafe.

Rafe: Not even on your best day. You couldn't reach.

Brown: Man, don't take that sitting down, Sandburg. You need to fuck his brains out to let him know who's boss.

Jim: Okay, this isn't funny.

Brown: Jim, I'm kidding man.

Conner: So tell us Sandy, what do you mean by this?

Blair: Conner, don't you ever hurt anyone? I mean, not always physically.

Conner: Oh I see what you mean. You mean as in break someone's heart or whatever?

Blair: Yes, exactly.

Rafe: Wuss Puss.

Simon: Time to move on, Conner.

Brown: Good cuz for a minute I thought he was going to tell us that he'd hurt Ellison and I wouldn't have believed it.

Blair: Well...

Jim: Shut up, Blair.

Simon: You've hurt Jim? More than once?

Blair: Well maybe a few times.

Jim: Shut up Blair.

Joel: You don't mean physically, right?

Blair: Well...

Jim: Please shut up, Sandburg.

Blair: No, I meant I hurt him in other ways. Now lets move on.

Joel: Jim, it's okay to be hurt either way.

Jim: I don't want to fucking talk about this now.

Simon: Conner, please I beg of you, move this along.
***

Conner: Have you ever said, "Trust me. " but thought, "Let's keep this between you and me, pumpkin."

Joel: Never.

Brown: Never.

Jim: Never.

Simon: Never.

Rafe: Maybe once.

Blair: A couple of times.

Joel: Blair, please tell us you don't do this any longer.

Blair: Hey, the question is, have you ever said, Trust me? Well, I say that a lot.

Jim: Sandburg, stop right now.

Blair: Well, I'm just answering the fucking question. What's the big deal?

Conner: Sandy, the question is almost a two fold one. You have to ask and think it. Have you ever thought that when you were with Jim?

Jim: Excuse me; he never said a word about me.

Simon: We all know he says trust me to you, Jim.

Jim: Conner, could we please move on.

Joel: Oh that's right, Jim tells him it's the two scariest words in the English language.

Simon: Gotta love Sandburg, don't ya?

Brown: He is funny.

Rafe: I thought this was a serious question. How was it turned around to he's cute and funny?

Jim: Get a grip, Rafe.

Rafe: You wish, Ellison.

Simon: I'm not going to tell you two to settle down again. Jim, the next time you go for him, I'm going to shove you back into your seat and you'll not be doing anything for a good long while.

Brown: Man, that's too funny, Simon.

Blair: Simon just made a gay joke. Cool, man.

Simon: Conner, please move this along.
****

Conner: Have you ever said, "I love you. " but thought, "God what have I gotten myself into?"

Joel: I might have thought that once.

Jim: I've never thought that.

Blair: I've thought it a few times.

Simon: Jim, get the hurt look off your face.

Brown: I'm sure he's talking about some wild woman he was with before you.

Conner: Sandy, did you ever feel that way about Jim?

Jim: I don't want to know.

Blair: Jim, settle down.

Rafe: Hey, this is getting good.

Brown: Shut up, Rafe.

Rafe: So did you feel trapped when he first fucked you or something and just said that to appease him?

Simon: Rafe, I can't believe you just asked that.

Rafe: Why? I bet you're all thinking it.

Conner: We might be, but we wouldn't have asked it. Jim, please don't be upset.

Blair: Yeah, I've thought it a few times with you, Jim. You have a way of making a person question how they feel now and then. Like right now. However, I love you, you know I do. At first, I was a little scared.

Rafe: Oh isn't that fucking cute?

Jim: Rafe, I kid you not, learn to shut the fuck up, or I'll never speak to you again.

Blair: Jim, I love you. You know that, right?

Jim: So how do I know you're not just saying it now?

Rafe: Man, stop it. Jesus, Simon. Make them stop kissing.

Simon: Hey I think Jim needed that.

Blair: Got that big man?

Jim: Got it.

Joel: You two are so romantic, it depresses us normal folks.

Jim: Thanks, Joel.

Rafe: Wuss Puss alert. It's spreading.

Brown: Hey I think they're cute too.

Simon: Rafe, you might be right. We'll have shirts made. We survived the Wuss Puss Sessions and lived to tell about it.

Jim: Thanks a lot Simon.

Simon: You're welcome. Now lets move on.
****

Conner: Have you ever said, "I think we should just be friends." but thought. "You're ugly. "

Jim: I've said let's be friends, but never because of how someone looked.

Blair: Same here.

Joel: I agree with you.

Simon: Nope, never said it or thought it.

Brown: My Mama would kick my ass.

Rafe: How come you're such a mama's boy?

Simon: If you know what's good for you Rafe, you won't bring Henry's mom into this.

Brown: That's okay. Let him, I'd love to kick his ass.

Rafe: Geeze, what a bunch of grouches. I've never said it.

Conner: Wait a minute. Simon, Brown and Rafe, you've never said, "Lets just be friends?"

Rafe: Oh yeah, I've said that. I've never said, "You're ugly."

Simon: I can't believe you just said that, Rafe.

Brown: I've never felt comfortable enough with anyone after breaking up to be friends with them.

Simon: I feel the same way. While the going is good, let's go.
***

Conner: Have you ever said, "Haven't I seen you before?" but thought, "Nice ass. "

Jim: (choke...choke...choke..)

Simon: Are you okay, Jim?

Blair: He'll be fine. He's in shock, because I said that exact same thing last night.

Rafe: (choke...choke...choke..) Warn a person before you say something like that, Sandburg.

Jim: Sandburg, I'm going to kick that fine ass of yours.

Brown: You guys are just too cute.

Joel: That's usually my line, Brown. I do believe that these guys are growing on you.

Brown: Yeah, well, it takes awhile to get used to the idea, but once you do, they're fucking cute.

Jim: Oh goody, they think we're fucking cute.

Blair: Jim, you tell me all the time that I fuck cute.

Jim: Stop now.

Blair: Okay, boss man.

Simon: Good save, Ellison.

Rafe: too late. We all heard what he said.

Conner: Does it bother you to hear talk like that Rafe? Do you suppose that it's because you're insecure and afraid that someone will come on to you.

Jim: (Choke...choke..choke...)

Simon: That's enough Jim. You're scaring me here.

Conner: Sorry Jim.

Jim: Warn a person next time.

Rafe: What? You think no one would come on to me.

Jim: Yup, that's what we think.

Blair: I know no one would. You're an ass. We need more than an ass.

Jim: Good one, Chief.

Rafe: Ewwwwww

Simon: Conner, can we get to the next one.
****

Conner: Have you ever said, "I want to make love." but thought, "I want to make love."

Jim: All the time.

Joel: That's so nice.

Conner: You are a romantic. Sandy is he always like this?

Blair: Yup. Moreover, I say and mean it too.

Joel: OH yeah, I do too.

Rafe: I've never told anyone I really love them.

Jim: What do you say, Rafe? I almost love you?

Rafe: Fuck you, Ellison.

Jim: What do you say?

Rafe: I don't say anything like that. I might think it, but I don't say it.

Brown: That's too bad, Rafe. I say it often and I love saying it.

Simon: I haven't said it in a long time. But hope to one of these days.

Blair: Oh man, Simon is a hopeful romantic.

Simon: Conner, time for the next one. I'm getting tired of this.
****

Conner: Have you ever said, "Was it good for you?" but meant, "I'm insecure about my manhood."

Jim: Hell yes.

Joel: Yes, same here.

Brown: Glad to hear it wasn't just me.

Simon: Yes, me too.

Blair: Jim, is that what you mean when you say that?

Jim: (choke..choke...choke..)

Simon: Okay, Sandburg, enough is enough.

Blair: I was serious.

Jim: Chief, please stop the joking.

Conner: Sandy, does he ask this and not even realize it?

Blair: I guess so.

Jim: I do not ask that.

Blair: You do too. Swear to them that you've never said it.

Jim: Fine, maybe I've said it once, but that's not what I meant.

Blair: We'll talk about it later, Jim.

Joel: Jim, it's not that unusual.

Jim: I don't say it to Sandburg.

Blair: Yes you do, Jim.

Simon: Sandburg, we don't want to know everything about you and Jim.

Blair: Fine.

Conner: Sandy, don't be upset.

Jim: Chief, we'll talk later, okay?

Blair: Go fuck yourself, Jim.

Simon: Conner, I see this going down the drain fast.
***

Conner: Have you ever said, "I feel it's time to express our love for each other" but thought, "Give me head."

Simon: Well, we'll be hearing this from the dynamic duo soon.

Jim: Fuck you, Simon.

Joel: No, I've never said this. But I might have thought it.

Brown: I might have done both. Said and thought.

Rafe: Finally, one I can say I truly answered. I've done both too.

Blair: He thinks it's something to be proud of.

Rafe: Why don't you answer, my fairy boy.

Jim: Shut the fuck up, Rafe.

Rafe: He can fight his own battles, Ellison.

Blair: Yeah.

Conner: So Sandy, what about the question?

Blair: I've said and thought both. Don't you be giving me those go to hell looks Ellison. I'm not proud of it. But yes, I thought and said them.

Joel: But never to Jim, right?

Jim: Shut up, Blair.

Blair: You can't tell me what to do, Ellison. Yes, I've done both to him.

Brown: Low blow, Hairboy.

Blair: Hey, it was before I realized how much I loved the big lug.

Rafe: So like now you never think it or say it?

Blair: No, I don't. Now if I want head, I ask for it.

Rafe: Geeze, why do I leave myself open for this?

Conner: Jim, I think it's sweet, that he now feels open enough to be able to ask things in your relationship.

Jim: You don't have to try to fix everything, Conner. Some things aren't ever going to be fixed.

Blair: You dumping me, Jim?

Jim: Maybe.

Rafe: All right, Jim. We'll get you back on the horse in no time.

Simon: Jim come on back here. I'll be right back. Sandburg, stay here. You've done enough.

Blair: Rafe, you go in there and tell him you didn't mean that.

Rafe: Didn't mean what?

Blair: About him getting right back on the horse.

Rafe: But I did, Hairboy.

Joel: Blair, things will work out. Don't worry so much.

Blair: Man, I fucked up bad. I've never seen him look that sad.

Conner: Shit, this is going to piss me off big time. This was meant to learn things about you all, not tear Sandy and Jim apart.

Simon: Okay, everyone, Jim's coming back and we're going to leave he and Blair alone to talk. Therefore, lets leave them alone. Now, people.

Jim: I'm sorry, baby.

Blair: Jim, you're not the one who was an ass. I'm so sorry. I love you more than life itself.

Jim: I'm an insecure twit. I'm truly sorry for that. I think that sometimes you deserve better.

Blair: I won't have my man talking about himself that way. Jim, I want to go home and have you make love to me all night long.

Jim: You're got a deal. (Smooching noises.)

Simon: Okay, our work is done, folks. Let's go home.

Conner: God, that was scary for a second.

Simon: Nah, they're too perfect for each other. They just need to be reminded sometimes.

Rafe: Yeah, they are pretty cute together.

Conner: Rafe, I still have my tape recorder on.

Rafe: And?

Conner: I'm going to tell Jim and Sandy.

Joel: Let's leave them alone and go home.

Brown: I don't know about anyone else, but I don't want to be alone right now. Anyone want to go out for dessert and coffee?

Conner: You're on.

Joel: Sounds good to me.

Rafe: Yeah, count me in.

Simon: Okay, looks like we'll all meet up at Millers Coffee Shop. See you there.

Rafe: Night Jim and Blair.

Simon: Night Ellison and Sandburg.

Joel: Night Ellison and Blair.

Conner: Night Sandy and Jimbo.

Brown: Night Ellison and Hairboy.

END