Title: Bad News

Author/psuedonym: Patt Paulos-Darrow

Pairing:J/B

Rating:G

Category:Poetry

Date:March 22,2000

Series/sequel:no

Status:new

Archive:yes

Other website:

Disclaimer: These guys don't belong to me, never did, never will, but I can dream. Petfly doesn't like to share. They also don't pay me, darn it anyhow.

Warning: m/m, Angst

Summary: This is not a funny poem. Just wanted to warn you all. Thanks to Aly for pushing me to do a little more each day. :)

Bad News

by Patt Paulos-Darrow

Simon comes to the door to tell me that I need to sit down.
All of a sudden, my world feels like it is crumbling around.
I am starting to shake and don't even know yet why.
I look into his eyes and I can't help it, I start to cry.
The sadness there, is meant for me, but I won't let it be.
I have to hear what is going on, I have to go to him and see.
I need to know that he will be fine, I don't care what Simon has said.
The doctor has just told us that he is brain dead.
I won't believe it, I just cannot cope.
Tears falling again, I am at the end of my rope.
Blair please don't leave me, please stay.
I promise to watch more careful every day.
What were you doing, that you were hurt so bad?
Here comes Naomi, oh God, she looks so very sad.
I need to find the chapel, the praying needs to start.
Please God, don't take him from me, he is half of my heart.
As I sob for my lover, as I cry for my friend.
I know that this cannot be the end.
We were not done with our life, we had much more to do.
Six months we were lovers, and believe me that was too few.
Please God watch over him, and keep him safe.
As I glance across the pew, I notice our friend Rafe.
He is crying too, he is a good friend to Blair.
I hold him close as he whispers how it is not fair.
I tell him that things will be fine, even if I am not quite sure.
It isn't like the doctors can tell us they have found some cure.
I walk into his room, surrounded by friends and those he loves.
I am still praying for a miracle to God in the heavens above.
I sit by his bed, I am holding his hand in mine.
I can't hardly stand it, the sun is starting to shine.
Tears again are sliding down my face and dropping onto him.
Naomi starts to hold me as she quietly says, oh Jim.
The doctors say it may be just a matter of hours.
I want to scream, the taste of fear in my mouth is sour.
I start talking to Blair now, I am begging him to halt.
No matter what happens, it will not be his fault.
Keep talking, that is what will be best for him I know.
I have to tell him how much he means to me, oh please don't go.
Begging and pleading like I have never done..
I can do this because he is my life, we are one.
Well, it has been hours and he is still here with us all.
The doctor is not saying anything promising, I hit the wall.
I am getting so mad, and not at him, never at my life.
Just mad at the reason we have to go through so much strife.
I can hear his heart getting stronger, and then so does mine.
I feel his strength returning, I just know he will be fine.
The doctor comes to tell us that he may have a chance.
But all I can feel is his arms around me as if we are about to dance.
I am still here with everyone, it has been four days long.
The doctor now thinks he may have been wrong.
Yes, his eyes are opening, the blue that I have wanted to see for days on end.
Now I just tell him to rest so that his body can start to mend.
Simon, Rafe, Brown, Conner, Joel and Naomi are stressed to the max.
He will be fine, I know this and I can finally start to relax.
It has been a week, he is starting to come around and smile.
It seems like it has been a lot longer, a very long while.
The doctor has good things to say now, he feels like Blair will be well.
And I am crying again, because I feel like I was stuck in some kind of hell.
He looks at me and smiles and says, "can't wait to go home with you."
It has been two weeks, we are going to make it, I see this to be true.
Everyone is coming over to the loft they need to make sure he is alright.
I told them all the same thing, I knew he wouldn't give up without a fight.
He is able to move around now, tougher than the car accident.
But I am not going to waste any time, I need to tell him exactly how much he has meant.
He needs to know, he needs to hear.
And then I can let go of my fear.