Author's Note: This is my first attempt at writing Sentinel slash. Feedback would be very much appreciated.

Title: Baby, It's You

Author/pseudonym: Silk

Fandom: The Sentinel

Pairing: Jim/Blair

Rating: G so far, but who knows?

Status: New/WIP

Archive: Yes

E-mail address for feedback: silkn1@aol.com

Series/sequel: No

Other websites: Not yet

Disclaimers: Jim and Blair belong to PetFly, not me. No money changing hands here. I wish.

Notes: This is my first attempt at writing Sentinel slash. Feedback would be very much appreciated.

Summary: It looks like Blair and Jim are going to go their separate ways, but things are not always what they seem....

Warnings: Major angst. First time.



Baby, It's You
by Silk

"No, I don't understand! Dammit!" Blair Sandburg slammed down the phone and met the curious gaze of his partner, Jim Ellison.

"What? You don't have anywhere else to look? Suddenly I'm better than watching TV?" Blair snapped.

Jim raised an eyebrow, as he often did when searching for an appropriate way to respond to Blair. Sandburg could be so emotional sometimes. But he was seldom overtly angry. He was a master at disguising his feelings. He had to be. He lived with a Sentinel. Someone who could literally peel back the layers and reach inside him with a single look.

"Are you through?" Jim asked coolly.

"Yeah, hell, yeah, I'm through, man. I've had it! I am so out of here!"

"Waitwaitwaitjustaminute, Chief," Jim protested with a tremendous frown creasing his handsome forehead.

"What?" Blair shrieked, straining Sentinel ears to the breaking point. It wasn't like Sandburg to forget how sensitive Jim's senses were. God, he was the frigging Guide, for God's sake. How could he forget? Jim shrugged inwardly. He didn't want to think it was deliberate. Or personal. But he had a feeling it was both.

Jim pointed the remote at the TV and clicked it once. The room fell silent. Except for Blair's audible breathing. Jee-zus, the kid sounded like he was having an asthma attack. What was wrong?

Blair stood there, chest heaving, pupils dilated until his smoky blue eyes were nearly black. He couldn't catch his breath, dammit. He was having a fucking panic attack, he just knew it. He couldn't seem to get himself back under control. Wonderful. Now Jim would know. He would know everything.

Jim edged closer, ironically treating Blair as if he were a strung-out perp, and Blair continued to stand there, growing more unsteady by the moment, praying that he didn't actually fall down. When he was close enough to touch Blair, Jim reached out a hand to cup Blair's cheek. Blair's eyes slid shut, as he trembled under the effort of holding back tears.

"Talk to me, Chief," Jim demanded softly. "You can talk to me. Hell, you never shut up normally, so--" Blair's eyes flew open, and the anguish in them was so palpable, Jim immediately regretted the attempt at humor.

Humor was not going to relieve Sandburg's mind. He wasn't sure what would.

"I can't," Blair whispered.

"You can't what, Chief?"

"I c-can't t-talk about th-this. Not to you."

Jim never betrayed how much that hurt with so much as a flicker of an eyelash. Sandburg had taught him well. Hide your real feelings. Maintain rigid control over your mind and the body follows. Well, it wasn't like he wasn't used to burying the truth. I was raised by a man who valued work more than his children. A man who made me an emotional cripple. It was tragic, really. He could want and need and love...but he could never know if his feelings were returned. Because he would never reveal them.

Jim's hand fell away from Blair's cheek, as if the touch of his skin burned him. Hell, maybe it did. He was in so much pain now, he couldn't separate out the individual feelings and their sources. He felt overwhelmed. Flooded with too much unspent emotion. All tricked up, and no place to go. He would have laughed, but that way lay hysteria. A muscle clenched and unclenched in his cheek.

He was so still, he might have been carved from marble.

Blair stared tearfully at Jim, wondering how it had ever come down to this. It wasn't about friendship. Not anymore. It was about love. A love that neither one of them could admit to the other.

He watched Jim's nostrils flare, as if he were scenting something. Jim's eyes were clear and blue and utterly blind to the outside world. Suddenly the quiet surrounding them wasn't innocuous anymore.

Jim was about to...zone.

Blair could feel it, the tension in his own body thrumming to the same energies that raced through Jim's. How could they share this and nothing else? They were not just Sentinel and Guide. They never had been. If one of them had been female, people would have rejoiced at the Fate that brought them together. They were that right together.

Instead, they were trapped inside themselves, unwilling to risk everything they had to cross that line. To make their love real. It was torture of the most surrealistic kind.

It was their life.



Part 2

"Jesus, Jim." Blair ignored his own pain, sublimating his own feelings to Jim's, as usual.

Jim dimly registered Sandburg's agitated voice. Heard him consciously shift gears, slipping into Guide Mode. His voice evening out, calmer, more controlled. Trust you, Chief. You always put me first. Why didn't I notice that before?

"Listen to my voice, Jim. Come back to me." Blair winced inwardly, trying not to hear what he was saying to Jim. It was too much like discovering what was really in his heart. What he wanted and could never have.

All at once Jim shook himself out of his apparent stupor, his eyes suddenly focused again. On his Guide's face. Those beautiful blue eyes, that full sensual mouth, even that hair, long dark curls, sometimes red, sometimes gold, mixed amidst the brown. He longed to touch it. Just once. Run his fingers through it. See if it was as silky as it looked. Forbidden thoughts, those. Thoughts of touching.

Want you, want to touch you, Chief. I know it's wrong, and it would change everything forever. But I need it. Like I need air to breathe. Cause I'm dying here, trapped in my own little inner world that you can't enter.

Sandburg's eyes, cloudy with pain and unshed tears, darted away, as if he could read Jim's thoughts. Rejecting him. Jim. And his unwanted feelings.

Jim straightened, drawing himself up to his full, not so inconsiderable height. Raking a hand over his close-cropped hair, he took a deep breath. And pushed Sandburg away.

"I gotta go, Chief. I'm gonna be late as it is."

Sandburg swallowed hard. "I'd better tell you then. You'll find out anyway."

"What?"

"They pulled my ridealong privileges, man."

"No way, Chief. I'll talk to Simon. We'll get this fixed." Jim was rambling. Work, life without Sandburg? No. He couldn't deal with this now.

"That was Simon who called, Jim. He wanted to break the news personally. Before I came in to the station. I think he thought if he did it there, I might, I dunno, lose it."

"How come he didn't tell me first, Chief? I don't get it. This has got to be negotiable. It always has been before."

"I dunno, Jim. The powers that be don't understand this thing. I mean, come on, sometimes neither do I. How could they know?" Know what you really mean to me. I am going to be so lost without you, Jim.

"I can't do this without you, Chief." Jim's whisper sounded tortured, like it was being wrung out of him.

"Sure you can." Sandburg gave him the incandescent smile he was noted for. Perky right up until the end. Blair wanted to race into the bathroom and heave his guts out.

The big man seemed to shrink right before Blair's eyes. "I don't want to do this without you, Chief." That was closer to the truth. Read between the fucking lines, Chief. Hear what I'm *not* saying.

"Yeah, well...it's gonna put a helluva crimp in things over at Rainier."

"Your diss! Chief, how will you finish? They--"

Sandburg wanted to laugh and sob at the same time. Jim was no caveman. He was actually surprisingly intellectual, though he wasn't comfortable with everyone knowing that. But when it came to plain old, garden-variety, common sense, Jim could almost be depended upon to miss the fucking point.

"Jim, it's not the diss I'm worried about, man. Gods, I am so not worried about that."

"Then what?" Jim was frowning again. Maybe simple, in his face emotion *was* too much for him to comprehend.

"It's you." That wasn't half bad. Sandburg thought he managed to put just the right tone of regret into his voice. Jim would think it was about their friendship, and it was. But it was so much more. And he could cry to think of what would never be.

"Me? Sandburg, what are you talking about? Words of one syllable, please."

"Jim...there's like no reason for me to be here anymore, man. You don't need me."

"I do need you, Chief."

Sandburg looked pained. He tilted his head, his long curls falling into his face, hiding his too-expressive eyes. "Not enough."

"Not enough? Chief, you're talking in riddles here. I need you. More than you know."

"Not that way."

"What way? Help me out here, Darwin. You've lost me completely."

Sandburg's head came up, and Jim bit back what he had been going to say. The agony in Sandburg's eyes was genuine. "That's it, Jim."

"What's it, Chief?"

Sandburg blinked and shuddered. He was always cold. Always. But now, he was positively freezing. He might never get warm again.

"I've lost you completely."



Part 3

To say Jim was stunned would be an understatement of the worst kind. His face flushed, it was hard to tell if it was embarrassment or excitement. But one thing was certain. He was nearly speechless.

"Wha--? You--" Jim's mouth opened, as if he wanted to say something, but words never came out. He shook his head, like he needed to clear his senses, and for a moment, it seemed as if he would zone again. But somehow, he held onto a shred of control.

"This isn't over with, Chief. Not by a long shot." Jim's cell phone rang shrilly, interrupting whatever else Jim might have wanted to say.

Frustrated beyond reason, Jim whipped open the cell phone and barked, "What?"

"Ellison? Is that you?" asked Simon. Simon Banks was a good captain and a good friend, but Jim could have wept over his timing.

"Yes, sir." His anger spiraling out of control, Jim settled for terseness.

"You are coming in to the station, aren't you?" This was the point where Simon usually pulled rank, asserting his authority over Jim. But Simon's voice was anything but authoritarian, and that wasn't sarcasm he heard either.

"I--" Jim swallowed the words that came up in his throat. He stole a glance in Sandburg's direction, abruptly realizing that he was gone.

You little chickenshit. Cut and run. Jim closed his eyes and focused on his Guide's heartbeat. He gave a sigh of relief. He was still here. Somewhere. He hadn't gone far. But his heart was beating like a triphammer. Jim didn't have much time. As soon as he could, Sandburg would take off.

"Jim? Jim?" All at once, Jim realized that Simon was calling him. Repeatedly. Shit. He swiped a hand over his face. He must have zoned on Sandburg's heartbeat. Not surprising, given the circumstances.

"I'm here, Simon. I'll be there as soon as I can. We need to talk."

"Yes, Jim. We do." Simon's voice sounded sad, resigned. He knew what he was going to say was going to make his good friend very unhappy. But it couldn't be helped. It was out of his hands.

Jim hung up, and the phone dropped out of his hands, hitting the carpet with a soft thud. No heartbeat. Sandburg was no longer in the loft. He automatically dialed up, wincing at the assault on his senses. But a quick search of the immediate neighborhood turned up nothing.

Striding slowly to the balcony, Jim looked out blindly, seeing nothing but the last expression on his Guide's face. "Where are you, Chief? I can't hear you."

After the initial shock wore off, Jim's anger faded away until nothing was left but an overwhelming emptiness. He couldn't even call it sadness. It was like there was a gaping hole inside, where Sandburg used to be. Where he used to fit. Just right.

"How could you leave me, Chief?"

***

Ellison didn't even stop at his desk enroute to Simon's office. He didn't wave back to everyone who hailed him, he didn't smile, and he didn't speak. He wasn't sure he was capable of speech right now. A mournful wail kept echoing unintelligibly in his head. It wasn't a result of his earlier sensory overload. He was convinced it was the keening of his spirit guide, grieving the passing of his mate. And if that wasn't a sure sign that something was terribly wrong, he didn't know what was. He had always had trouble buying into the spiritual and mystical themes Sandburg espoused, even where they related to the Sentinel-Guide thing. Okay, maybe especially where they related to that. But this was one time that Jim couldn't deny seemed to confirm Sandburg's theories.

He felt the loss as sharply as though Sandburg had died.

Simon slowly closed the door behind Jim, his face solemn. "Where's Sandburg?"

That got a reaction from Jim. "What do you mean, sir?"

"Where...is...Sandburg?" Simon repeated painstakingly.

Jim shook his head, his blue eyes still a bit dazed. "I don't know, sir."

Simon looked exasperated. "He's *your* partner, Jim. How could you lose him?"

"Lose him, Simon? He left me!"

Now it was Simon's turn to look puzzled. "He left you? But he's the reason I called."

"Yes, sir, he told me. You pulled his ridealong privileges. I wanted to talk to you about th--"

"Pulled his--? Jim, what's going on here? I didn't pull his credentials."

"But he said that you called and--" Jim broke off, trying to make sense of what happened earlier in light of what he knew now.

"Why would he lie to me, Simon?"

"I have no idea, Jim. Why did you say he left you? What do you mean?"

Jim ran a hand over his face and huffed softly into his palm. "One minute he was there, all upset, and the next, poof! He disappeared."

"What was he upset about?"

Jim's expression grew shuttered, and his entire face closed down. Simon recognized that look. Jim was digging in for the long haul. Withholding information. Usually something he was better off knowing.

"I can't tell you that, Simon."

"Was it personal?"

Jim hesitated for a second, then groaned. "Yeah, I kinda think it was."

Simon watched the younger man rub the back of his neck, and suddenly he could see how weary Jim was. Jim was unaccustomed to dealing with his feelings, and he was an expert at stuffing them. Only problem with that was...the inevitable explosion.

"I'm glad."

Simon's simple statement perplexed Jim no end. "What kind of cryptic nonsense is that? What the hell are you glad about?"

"That you finally realized you have personal feelings for Blair."

"Don't be stupid. Of course I have personal feelings for him. He's my Guide.'

"More, Jim."

"He's my best friend."

"Jim...." Simon gave him an impatient look that clearly said, You call yourself a detective?

Jim's eyes flashed blue fire at Simon, but a moment later, he sank down into a chair, burying his face in his hands. "Oh, God."

"I gather you haven't told him how you feel."

"I-I didn't want to ruin our friendship, Simon. I don't know what I'd do without him."

'Turn back into the Grinch, I suppose. You were a cold, arrogant bastard before Sandburg came along. Mind you, I like that in a detective. You were efficient, and you got the job done. Even if you weren't much in the personality department."

"Sandburg changed me." Jim sounded like he was stunned. Like it was something he barely recognized as the truth.

"I'll say. Does that bother you?"

"Hell, no. I-I think I'm in love with him," Jim whispered.

"Well, glory hallelujah. You have finally seen the light."

"You knew?"

"I suspected."

"What about everyone else?"

"I assume that by everyone else, you mean Joel, H, Connor...." Simon continued to count off his people on his fingers, one by one.

"All right, all right. It's that obvious?"

"Jim," Simon chided him. "We care about you. We notice everything. We know when you've been bad or good, so be good, for goodness' sake," Simon added sarcastically."

"I never quite pictured you as Santa, Simon," Jim said with a sardonic smile.

"Get over yourself, Ellison. For whatever reason, Blair thinks you don't care. That's why he lied to you. That's why he's gone. If you don't want to grow old without him, I suggest you get your ass in gear and find him."

"Ah. Easier said than done."

"Well, you won't find him in my office, so get lost, Jim. I mean that in a nice way, of course," Simon said, his dark eyes twinkling.

"Simon?" Jim suddenly remembered that Simon wanted to see him, to tell him something. "What was it you wanted to tell me?"

"Oh, that. The Chief, *my* Chief, not yours, Jim," Simon added sotto voice, "wanted to see firsthand how the observer program was working. He scheduled himself for a ridealong with you and Blair all this week. I *knew* how happy you were going to be over that, so I was fixing to prepare both of you."

"Warn us, you mean."

"Yeah, well, that, too. Like everyone else here, Jim, I assumed that you and Sandburg were together. You know...*together*."

"Oh...oh! Gotcha, sir, together, sir." Jim nodded, abruptly concluding that this was one of the most bizarre conversations he and Simon ever had.

"So I didn't want the Chief to discover you and Blair in a... compromising position, if you catch my drift."

"Oh, drift caught, sir." Jim bobbed his head up and down, like one of those little toy birds that keeps dipping its beak into a glass of water.

"Compromising position, sir. Got it, sir." Jim backed himself out of Simon's office and turned on his heel, heading for the elevators at breakneck speed.

That's exactly where I want him, sir. Just as soon as I fucking find out where he went.



Part 4

Jim was starting to lose hope that he would ever find Sandburg. After three trips around the block, he was no closer to discovering his hiding place. He could hear his heartbeat, but for once, he felt like arguing with his overly powerful Sentinel senses. He's not here, he felt like screaming, but his senses disagreed. He should be right about...there.

There. There? That huddled mass of humanity? Against the wall? In the alleyway?

With a jolt, Jim brought the pickup in for a hard landing. The truck slammed over the curb and up onto the sidewalk with a dull thud. Luckily, there was no one around to witness the ongoing disintegration of Jim Ellison. He flew into the alleyway with a loud cry. "Sandburg!"

His heart sank. This didn't look good. Sandburg looked unresponsive. It wasn't that cold a night. But then he remembered, he's always cold, my Chief. Without checking to see if Sandburg was awake or unconscious, Jim hefted his dead weight into his arms and over his shoulder, employing a fireman's carry.

"I'll get you warm again, Chief. I swear," Jim kept muttering under his breath.

"Jim..."came the answering murmur.

"Yeah, Chief. I'm here. You okay?"

"Cold...so cold, Jim." Sandburg's head flopped weakly against Jim's back. "Don't feel good, Jim."

"I'm here, Blair. I'll take care of you." Jim had never meant anything more in his life.

"Hey, Jim?" Sandburg sounded like he was holding back a giggle.

"Yeah?"

"You called me Blair." This time, there was a distinct giggle.

"Blair, are you laughing at me? I'm pretty damn worried, and here you are, laughing at me."

Jim reached the truck and shifted Sandburg's weight to the other side in preparation for opening the door to the pickup. Once he had the door open, he lay Sandburg down on the bench seat. For a moment, Sandburg just lay there, staring up at Jim with those big blue eyes that seemed so knowing and yet so innocent.

"Jim? I wasn't laughing at you." Christ, now Sandburg sounded like he was about to cry.

"It's okay, Chief. I understand." Jim closed the truck door, making sure it was locked before striding around to the driver's side. When he was settled again, he heard Sandburg's voice coming out of the darkened cab.

"Do you?"

Losing track of where the conversation was headed, Jim sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Squinting, he felt his eyes begin to water.

"Headache?" Blair asked, always solicitous of his Sentinel.

"Yeah, Chief. Headache." Not to mention every other kind of ache there could possibly be. Christ, what was the matter with his senses? It was as if his sense of touch had gone completely off the charts. Like he had dialed up. But he hadn't. Had he?

Jim swiped a hand over his face before turning the key in the ignition. Maybe he had. He had the strangest urge to touch Sandburg. Not that way, his mind skittered away. Yet, his mind darted back and added. Leaving him with his thoughts and feelings all in a jumble.

Somehow Jim managed to drive back to the loft. Somehow they made it upstairs, though Sandburg was still too weak to walk on his own. He stopped in front of the door, key in hand, uncertain why. Then he realized that the threshold was a virtual stand-in for the line they were about to cross. Hoped to cross, Jim corrected himself.

"Jim?"

Jim turned his head slightly, but he couldn't quite meet Sandburg's eyes. "Yeah?"

"It's okay."

"What's okay, Chief?" he asked softly.

"Whatever happens. If you, like, need me to leave, or something...I mean...." Sandburg tried. He really did. But he just wasn't up to a good obfuscation. Cause his heart was screaming, Hell, no, it's not okay! You want to leave the Big Guy? Like, voluntarily?

Jim didn't say a word. He just pulled on Sandburg's arm until he was safely inside the loft. He moved briskly into the kitchen, grabbing the kettle to fill it with water. Sandburg liked tea. Tea would warm him up. Damn, there was this running commentary inside him. Racing ahead, trying to fill in all of the blanks. Yeah, tea would warm him up, but what he really needed was...Jim. Now where did that come from?

Sandburg watched Jim wordlessly. He had run without thinking. When Simon called, he didn't hear what he was really saying. His mind played tricks on him, his guilt surged to the fore. If the Chief rides with us all week long, he'll see, he'll know. And then he'll tell Jim. Sandburg started to breathe harder just thinking about Jim's reaction. Your neo hippie witch doctor punk partner is in love with you, Ellison. What's up with that?

How the hell did that happen? Sandburg closed his eyes, seeking control in vain. How do you think it happened? The usual way. First, they were friends, then they became best friends, and then...he wanted more. Wanted to kiss Jim, make love to him, belong to him.

But Jim...he was like a walking embodiment of all that was male. Strong, terse...okay, arrogant. Arrogant fit. But hey, Jim made it work for him, and it wasn't as if he took liberties with Sandburg's self-esteem. Well, yeah, he did. But he didn't know that he did. Cause he didn't know that Sandburg thought Jim Ellison hung the moon and the stars.

A solitary tear crept out from under one eyelid, and Sandburg opened his eyes, attempting to stay in the moment.

"Tea, Chief. Just what you need to warm you up." Jim offered the cup to Sandburg, and Blair reached out shakily to take it, just missing connecting with the cup's handle. In slow motion, they both watched the cup fall to the carpet, spilling its contents across the floor at their feet.

"Oh, God, Jim, I'm so sorry," Blair blurted out, unaware that he was almost in tears.

"It's just tea, Chief."

"But your carpet!" Blair protested.

"Fuck the carpet, Blair. Don't you know you're more important than the goddamn carpet?"

"No, Jim. I didn't know that," Blair whispered, his smoky blue eyes suddenly seeming too large for his face.

They stood inches apart, the tension between them almost a physical thing. "Well, you are. Important, I mean. To me."

"Yeah?" Blair raised hopeful eyes to Jim's face. How important, Jim?

Suddenly Jim turned on his heel, heading for the stairs that led to his bedroom. Blair couldn't move. He didn't know what Jim expected him to do now. Shouldn't they talk...or something?

Jim leaned over the railing and called down to Sandburg. "Hey, Chief! You coming up?"

"I-I don't know. Am I?"

Jim's face softened as he contemplated the younger man who stood so uncertainly in his living room. "No more running, Chief. You belong up here. With me."

"I do?"

Jim laughed, throwing his head back. It was the first genuine laugh in days for him. "Shit, Sandburg! How'd you ever make it through grad school? Your powers of observation need serious work."

Blair moved towards the stairway like he was treading into quicksand. Jim decided that Blair needed more encouragement. He clearly wasn't getting the full picture. "Chief, you look like you're walking to your death here. I'm not going to yell at you for running away."

"You're not?"

"No. Cause I found you. Now if I didn't find you, that would be another story."

"You always find me, Jim. I should have known I couldn't get away from you." There was such utter sadness in Blair's voice that Jim couldn't bear it. Sandburg was still laboring under the delusion that Jim didn't care.

"Come here, Chief." Blair had finally reached the top of the stairs. He seemed hypnotized by the sight of the huge bed that dominated the room.

Jim's eyes followed Blair's to the bed. "Hey, don't let it scare you, Chief. It doesn't scare me." Anymore. I should have said, anymore.

"Jim? I'm lost, man."

Jim enveloped the smaller man in a snug embrace, and for several moments, Blair resisted. But Jim could feel the warmth of his skin. He could hear Blair's heartbeat speed up. He could smell his arousal. "No, you're not, Chief. You're with me."

He could feel the moment when Blair relented, his body capitulating at last. A soft groan escaped Blair as he wrapped his arms tightly around Jim. "Jim...."

"It's okay, Blair."

"What's okay?" Blair asked, hearing the echo of their earlier conversation.

"Whatever happens."

Jim sat down on the bed, taking Blair with him. Blair hid his face against Jim's chest, his grip on Jim's back even tighter now. "You want to know why I ran away." It wasn't a question, really.

"Only if you're ready to tell me."

"I'm such a coward, man. I should have told you, no matter what. But I was so afraid."

"Afraid of what, Chief?"

"Of losing what we have. Our friendship. Once you knew...."

"What should I know, Blair?"

"That I love you." The moment the words actually left his mouth, Blair gasped, certain that Jim would order him to go.

"Is this where you think I'm going to pack up all your stuff and tell you to get the hell out of Dodge, Chief?"

Blair burrowed deeper into Jim's embrace. He couldn't help himself. To be this close to the man he loved and admired was a dream he never thought he had a hope of realizing. "Isn't it?"

Jim finally allowed himself to touch Blair's hair. It was every bit as silky as he thought it would be. He twisted a strand around his fingers, bringing it to his nose, gently sniffing it. It smelled like Blair. God, he could zone on the smell of it. Of him.

It was as if something deep inside gave and fell away. Jim released the captured lock of hair and buried his face in the curls that tumbled loosely around Blair's shoulders. "Jim? Are we okay? You never answered me, man. And all this sniffing and all, which is nice, in fact it's very nice, damn nice, if you ask me, but you didn't ask me, I know. Jim?"

Jim smiled. Suddenly he heard Simon's voice in his head. Not in the literal sense, but inside him, like the voice of reason. Take pity on the poor kid, Jim. Tell him. Tell him already before he busts a blood vessel trying to talk you to death.

He pulled back slowly, unwilling to give up too much distance. Now that he'd come this far, he wasn't giving up anything. "Blair...."

Blair smiled anxiously, the urge to bounce right out of Jim's arms warring with his desperate desire to stay. "I'm yours, man. I mean, you always knew that, right? You could do anything to me, anything, and I just keep right on coming back to you. It's not a Sentinel-Guide thing, though, I want you to know that. This, this is a love thing. A for real love thing. You know, I've never really belonged anywhere, all my life, and I always wanted to belong somewhere, with someone. And I never ever had that, man, until you let me in. And I, like, don't want to lose that. So if you don't feel the same way I do, that's okay, only just don't, please, don't push me away. I couldn't stand that, man. I think it might even kill me or something, Jim."

Jim pressed a fingertip to Blair's lips, trying not to zone on the touch of his warm, moist mouth. "Shut up, Sandburg," he said affectionately. "And that's the last time I'm going to call you that."

"Wh-what are you going to call me instead?"

"What's wrong with your real name?"

"Nothing. Except you never call me that. I always wondered why you-But that was okay, cause it was you, and I love being called Chief, and-are you going to, like, kiss me or what? Jim, you're so fucking close."

"I love you, Blair," Jim whispered, watching the heat grow in those smoky blue eyes.

It wasn't every day he was able to render Blair Sandburg speechless. But he was. It left that deliciously sensual mouth vulnerable, and Jim sensed that now would be as good a time as any to start exploring new territory.

Jim closed the gap between them and captured Blair's mouth. This was no light, experimental kiss, but a solid, possessive claiming. When Jim reluctantly broke away, it was only to breathe.

Blair looked as stunned as he felt. "Wow, man, Jim, that was so, like, territorial. Are you, like, saying I belong to you now?"

"Yeahhh...," Jim growled. "You got a problem with that, Chief?"

"No, no problem, Jim, can I, like, sign up for life?"

"Blair Sandburg wants a commitment?" Jim gave the newly acknowledged love of his life a bemused look.

"Hell, yeah. What kind of guy do you think I am? You think I just want to have my way with you? And-and what was I saying, Jim?" Blair gazed raptly into Jim's eyes, noting how clear and determined they seemed right now. He was okay with this. Better than okay.

Jim kissed him again, this time insinuating his tongue between Blair's lips, and Blair groaned even as he opened further. "Jeez, how come it feels like this is the first time I ever did this?"

Jim whispered against Blair's mouth, "Maybe cause it's the first time we ever did this."

"Boy, are we losers or what? Wasting three years like that? Three years we could have been-"

Another kiss, hotter than the first two, cut off what Blair was going to say. "You want to waste more time, or you want to cut to the chase, Darwin?"



part 5

"Close your eyes, Chief."

He didn't want to close his eyes. He didn't want to miss a goddamn minute of what was going to happen next. But his eyelids slid shut anyway. Maybe it's a conditioned reflex, he thought. I'm so used to being commanded by my Sentinel.

My Sentinel. God, he had always felt that way about Jim. Like they belonged to each other. But that was when they were just friends. Now that they were about to cross the line and become lovers.. Well, it took on a different context in his head. It was like he was saying, my love.

A voice called out sharply from a short distance away. "Hey, Chief! Stop thinking and get over here!"

He opened his eyes with a start and gasped. There was a sight to rival some of the most intriguing anthropological finds he could think of. A naked Ellison. Lying on his back, spread-eagle, on the bed.

"Ummm. Jim?" The tremor in his voice gave him away. Be careful what you wish for, kid, you just might hit the jackpot someday.

"Aww, Chief. Don't tell me that after everything we've been through today.you don't want me?"

"Shit, no!" Blair recovered as quickly as he could, and suddenly he was a blur of motion, all hands and feet flying every which way in an effort to divest himself of whatever clothing he wore.

Hopping on one foot towards the bed, he nearly succeeded in getting his pants over his feet without removing his sneakers, only to fall into an untidy heap on the floor when he overbalanced.

A head peered over the edge of the bed at the Blair-sized bundle on the carpet. Jim couldn't help chuckling, but when Blair glared at him, his brilliant blue eyes glinting with cool appraisal, Jim immediately stopped. His last chance of Heaven was staring him in the face, and he'd be damned if he was going to screw it up. Again.

With a heartfelt sigh, Jim said, "Come here, baby," offering his hand to Blair.

Major miscalculation. Spitting like an angry kitten, all eyes and hair, Blair somehow managed to pull off his pants while he hissed, "Baby? Did you just call me baby?"

Drawing himself up to his full height, which was not so considerable at 5'7," Blair huffed and puffed his way through "I cannot believe you just called me "baby", Jim."

Jim stared intently at the man who held his heart in his hands. And seemed about to crush it, too, he thought. "Blair.."

"Yes, Jim?" Blair responded, waiting expectantly.

"I'm not good with words the way you are. But.only a man who loved you as much as I do could look at you, standing there, in your shorts and a pair of sneaks, without laughing." Pause.

Blair sat back down with a thump, his eyes clouding over. "You must think I'm a joke. A walking, talking joke."

"Nooo.." With the grace of his animal spirit, Jim slid out of bed and onto the floor beside Blair.

Wrapping his arms around the protesting Guide, Jim refused to give an inch. "What I think, Chief, is that I would love you, no matter what."

"That's easy to say, Jim."

"Not for me," Jim replied softly.

Blair's head came up, his blue eyes bleak but searching for a reason to hang on, a reason to keep believing. Jim framed Blair's face with his big hands, sighing as he smoothed the now unruly curls back from his cheeks. "I believe in us, Chief. Now it's your turn."

With a cry, Blair buried his face in the space between Jim's neck and shoulder. "Oh, God, Jim. I love you so much, man."

His own eyes moist, Jim held onto Blair, tangling his fingers in that soft silken mass of hair that he savored. "Feeling's mutual, Chief. I mean, Blair."

Blair sniffed and drew back, a tearful smile just beginning to cross his face. "You mean, baby."

"Yeahhhh.."

Pulling a thick swatch of hair away from Blair's face, Jim said, "You feel better now?"

Blair nodded slowly.

Jim nodded, too, in synch with Blair, then said, "Good. Can we get off the floor then? Do you have any idea how many germs there must be lurking in the carpet?"

Blair started to laugh. "With you around, Jim, they wouldn't dare."

Jim stood up effortlessly, as always imbued with the sinewy grace of the jaguar. He reached out a hand to help Blair up. Noting the exhaustion on his Guide's face, he said, "Blair, we can do as much.or as little.as you like. I won't think any less of you if all we can do is hold each other through the night."

Smiling his gratitude, Blair said, "I think I'm getting my second wind." His eyes twinkled merrily as they met Jim's. He had never seen such an openly affectionate look in Jim's eyes before.

Blair gently pushed on Jim's chest, and before either of them knew it, Jim was lying on his back again, Blair's cheek firmly affixed to his chest. Playing with an errant strand of hair, Jim wondered out loud, "What are you doing, Chief?"

"Listening to your heartbeat."

Blair raised his head, eyes glinting mischievously now. He touched the tip of his tongue to a flat male nipple, hearing an audible intake of breath that told him he succeeded in arousing Jim. "Hey, guess I don't need to be a Sentinel to tell I'm getting to you, huh?"

Jim's ice-blue eyes darkened dramatically as his pupils dilated. "I wish you would, Chief. Get to me." He emphasized each word with a subtle roll of his hips against Blair's thigh.

Blair began to kiss his way down Jim's chest to his abdomen, stopping only to swirl his tongue inside the navel there. At Jim's increasingly erratic breathing, Blair suddenly realized that he alone was able to slip past Sentinel defenses and ravage his hard-fought control. That empowered him. Which was very nice. But it did something else, too. It made him hard. And at the moment, that was even nicer.

Resisting the urge to wax poetic about Jim's abs of steel or some other God-like comparison he could make, Blair carefully made his way to the treasure he sought. Nestled in Jim's groin was a long, thick, hard erection, the likes of which he had never seen. Touching its velvety tip with his tongue, he felt Jim jerk spasmodically. Well, it seemed that Jim's control did have limits. The scientist in Blair cried out for him to test those limits, and with a winsome smile that Jim couldn't see, Blair applied himself to the task.

Licking up and down the length of that throbbing shaft, Blair lost himself in pleasuring Jim. It was not that he was completely altruistic. It was more that giving Jim such pleasure satisfied something deep within Blair. Something not entirely physical. But something every bit as real.

His fingers gently cupping and caressing Jim's cock, Blair continued to lick and suck and tease him until he could feel the climax approaching. Jim's legs trembled and tensed, and then he grabbed a handful of Blair's hair, exclaiming, "Blair! I'm so close! You'd better move--!"

But Blair had no intention of moving anywhere. He waited as Jim's hands clenched and unclenched in his hair, his thrusts faster but deeper into Blair's mouth. He wasn't sure exactly what he expected to hear when Jim came, but it wasn't "Oh, God, Blair! I love you!"

That brought tears to the younger man's beautiful blue eyes. It was so obviously genuine, so obviously heartwrenching. Sliding along the length of Jim's body, Blair settled himself comfortably against his lover.

When Jim protested that Blair hadn't come yet, Blair murmured contentedly in his arms. At first, Jim couldn't make out what he was saying. Then he realized that his hearing was dialed down to normal. With a minor adjustment, he listened again.

"You said we could do as much or as little as I liked. This was just the right amount. I'm so damn happy, I don't think I could stand to get any happier in one night."

"Are you going to go to sleep on me, Chief?" Jim asked softly, fairly certain that Blair was already well on the way to slumber.

"That's just what I'm doing, Jim," Blair responded sleepily. "Don't you dare move me."

"I wouldn't dream of it." Long pause. "Baby."

He could feel the smile stretching across Blair's face as he snuggled under Jim's chin.



End