Title: "All You Need Is a Cape, Ellison.", chapter 13

Author: Alexis Rogers

Category: Drama, Episode Related: survival

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: b/d, s/m, m/m, angst, Other: see story notes

Pairing: J/B

Summary: Jim learns more about anal sex and Blair learns more about Jim.

Series/Sequel: Series. This chapter will make no sense without the previous ones, which are available at the author's website or directly from the author. If you email me for chapters, please let me know what format you can handle and the size of the files. I can go as large or small as necessary.

Do not repost or forward this story without the author's knowledge and consent.

Disclaimers: I don't own the Sentinel guys; if I did, I'd let them hug each other on camera. And I'd go for RB's liplock idea as well. I have no wish to infringe of the copyright of Pet Fly Productions, UPN, Paramount, Viacom or anydamnbody else.

My fiction contains consensual sex between two or more men and is not meant to be read by those who object to explicit homoerotic sexual material. Or minors. The law says anyone under the age of consent can't read this. If you don't like the law, change it. Remember: one person can make a difference.

WARNING: This story contains many elements of *bdsm*, including but not limited to incest, spanking, whipping, nudity, enemas, butt plugs, general discussion of *bdsm*, including fisting. If you are uncomfortable with the subject, don't read the story.

{text} = Jim's thoughts.

All You Need Is a Cape, Ellison 13
by Alexis Rogers
28 August 1997

Jim was bone weary as he forced himself to walk down the hall to the room he shared with Blair. Mondays, as a general rule, were a bitch, but this one took the prize. He did not think he had the energy to put words together to make a sentence.

When he opened the door, Blair was sitting on the bed wearing only a pair of loose fitting shorts.

"You look like Lloyd said you would." Blair patted the bed, directing Jim to sit.

Not even trying to pretend, Jim let the fatigue and pain surface. "I feel like I've been flayed and that every nerve is screaming in pain -- but that's mostly in my head. It's my emotions that're screaming."

"Just from today? Or from everything?"

Jim took Blair's hand and kissed it. "I don't have a clue."

"That's what Lloyd wants you to feel. He said when you got to that point, we could start to put you back together again." Blair leaned in for a gentle kiss.

"I'm not sure what comes after exhausted, but I'm there." Jim leaned his forehead against Blair's bare chest.

"You're emotional drained and you haven't eaten."

"I can't even think about food."

"I know, but Lloyd has an answer for that, too."

"I can sleep for a week?" Jim asked hopefully, knowing there was no way.

"We're going to the dungeon where you're going to get some tender loving care and you're going to talk about all the things that are driving you crazy."

"I'm going to hate this, right?"

"Not if you cooperate and do as you're told; however, if you fight me, it could get unpleasant."

"Can I at least take a shower first."

Blair shook his head. "I will see to all your body's needs." He laughed, "but first I need your help with my crutches."

"This should be interesting." Jim stood.

"Take your clothes off," Blair ordered.

"Are you going to make me walk around naked?" Jim sighed.

"Uh-huh."

"Then I think you should, too." Jim stared at Blair.

"I'm giving the orders here, and I expect you to do as I say." Blair's tone was authoritative, much like his guide voice, but stronger, and not to be ignored.

"Yeah, okay," Jim replied, at ease with his response; his tired mind and body ready for someone else to take over.

"Clothes," Blair ordered.

Jim unbuttoned his shirt, then removed his pants, shoes and finally his shorts, carefully placing everything in his closet.

"Very nice." Blair moved his legs to the side of the bed and waited as Jim picked up the crutches.

Bracing his foot against Blair's feet, Jim offered Blair an arm as a handle to pull himself up.

When he was standing, balanced on the crutches, Blair looked at Jim. "I missed you during my physical therapy today. I was surprised at how much I need you to be there. I love that bath tub and so will you."

"But you're okay?" A hint of worry played at the edge of Jim's mind.

"Jim, I'm fine." Blair patted Jim's arm. "Lloyd worked my tail off, then made sure I was bathed and massaged before he moved me into the kitchen and worked my tail off there."

"So even the injured aren't immune from the work schedule?"

"Nope, but I did make him promise not to send you back to the hospice until I could go with you."

"You are not going, Chief," Jim stated.

"Of course, I am. And so are you. I've been in a hospice environment before."

"I'm not ready to do this."

Blair hobbled to the door and waited until Jim opened it. "Yes, you are and you will. It's not an option."

Jim was silent as he walked behind Blair to the small elevator, which was necessary since he still was not up to stairs. Pulling his defenses firmly into place, Jim pushed all the ugly images to the back of his mind and shut it down. He was not going to talk about it.

As they reached the door to the dungeon, Lloyd called. "Over here." The room was empty and quiet and Lloyd's voice carried from a point near the main entrance. At the bar, Lloyd was placing items into a blender jar. "Sit down."

Jim helped Blair into a chair, then perched on a regular bar stool, the polished wood cool against his flesh.

"You haven't eaten," Lloyd stated.

"Can't," Jim admitted.

"I know." Lloyd hit a button bringing the blender to life. "Happens to everyone their first time here. Death can be ugly."

"And a death that should have no dignity does," Jim whispered.

"It's not much, but it's all we have to give." Lloyd poured thick pink liquid into two tall glasses, handing one to each man. "Drink."

Blair tasted his. "Good. What's in it?"

"Banana, strawberries, plain yogurt, ice, kelp based protein powder." Lloyd looked at Jim. "Nothing that will interfere with your sensitive body chemistry."

Jim watched Blair drink, then sipped. It tasted good.

"It won't hurt you," Blair reassured.

Jim took a long drink. "What's its purpose?"

"Nutrition," Lloyd explained. "Fasting has it's place and we'll teach you that, but first you must understand your body and its needs. Emotional strain and no food isn't a healthy combination, but then neither is feeding your body the wrong food and vomiting."

"At least it doesn't taste as bad as some of the stuff Blair cooks up," Jim sneered.

"But the purpose is the same," Lloyd assured, pouring more liquid into Jim's glass. "We need to start putting you back together, and your body and your mind need to be working together. At least you're not an abuser of caffeine, sugar, and nicotine."

"Without Blair, I would be." Jim swirled the pink stuff in his glass. "So why do I have a feeling of dread?"

"Because we're focusing you in places that you have avoided in the past, both your mind and your body. Tonight, you can work with us or against us; the choice is always yours. If you work with us, it'll be easier on you, but I don't know if you can do that yet."

"Normally," Blair explained, "I would be doing all of tonight's activities alone, but because of this," he pointed to his leg, "I can't, so Lloyd offered to help."

"I don't understand." Jim turned on the stool and looked at Blair.

"Couples," Lloyd lectured, "whether monogamous or not, need to have a strong bond between them in order to weather whatever life throws at them. Charlie and I enjoy sharing our bed with other partners but we love each other. Patrick and Danny don't share their bed and they, too, have a strong relationship, because we have all of our couples learn about each other the same way -- like we're doing with you."

"What has that got to do with tonight?" Jim asked, the fatigue closing in on him.

"It's part of the lessons of learning your partner's body," Lloyd explained. "Michael has been pressing you to learn Blair's body. Tonight, Blair's going to help you focus on your body, both of you learning your body." Lloyd looked Jim up and down. "I can tell that you spend some time and energy taking care of yourself, but Blair tells me your eating habits could use some work."

"You mean I should eat the bark and twigs and stuff he cooks for me?"

"I'd never give you something that'd hurt you," Blair assured.

Jim stroked Blair's face gently. "I know. It's just too many years of grabbing a burger on the run and not thinking about it."

"It's the not thinking about it we need to work on," Lloyd added. "You don't need to obsess about every bite you eat, but I want you to learn how what you eat effects your body, and your love life."

"Like the idea that we both eat garlic or neither of us do?" Jim smiled.

"Something like that," Lloyd explained. "Deciding where anal sex fits into your life works around what you eat and when. Cleansing is easier when your body is not full of waste. And anal sex is more pleasant when you're clean."

"I know," Jim admitted, remembering when he had been in such a hurry that they had skipped that part.

"There are also the rules and punishment you set for yourself in your relationship commitment agreement that you're working on with Patrick. It can be more difficult than you think," Lloyd explained.

"You sound like you know from personal experience," Blair observed.

"Yeah, well, " Lloyd smiled. "When Michael and Jason were still in high school, Charlie got really sick and I made myself sick worrying about him. I developed an ulcer. Cary was in medical school at the time, and while Kenneth was my doctor, Cary handled all the details: diet, exercise, and punishment."

"What punishment?" Jim asked.

"When Cary was living with us, I spanked him when he broke the house rules. When he set up my diet, he wrote the rules and set the punishment. It was a pay back of sorts because I had been very strict with him. And he was very strict with me. I cheated on my diet within the first three days. Cary was disappointed with me the way I had been with him when he was young and he paddled my ass the same way I had paddled his. It made us very close and it helped me stay on my diet, which made a difference in my health."

"Will you be spanking me, Chief?" Jim asked, wondering what he wanted out of all this.

"I don't know. We have to decide that together as we make our rules with Father Patrick. We need to learn a few more things first, like the activities I have planned for tonight."

Lloyd ran water over the empty blender jar. "I need to wash up here, then I'll be in." He nodded to Blair. "You go get him ready."

Jim slid off the bar stood and assisted Blair to stand, then helped with the crutches. "Now what?"

"The bathroom near Jason and Michael's corner," Blair replied.

"And what're we going to do there?" Jim asked, walking behind Blair.

"Use the facilities," Blair quipped.

In the sparkling white room, a white and chrome gurney was set up in a large shower stall. It was covered with large white towels and a small pillow.

Blair tapped the gurney with one of his crutches. "This is for you. I want you to lie on your left side, facing the wall."

As Jim did so, his hands discovered Velcro restraints. "Do I want to know?"

Blair leaned one crutch against the wall and used the gurney for support as he ran his finger down Jim's hip. "Do you have any idea how much I want to fuck you?" he whispered.

"Based on how much I enjoy fucking you, I can guess." Jim gazed into deep blue eyes.

"If I can have only one thing from our two weeks here, it would be for you to be ready for me to fuck you." Blair ran his hand lightly down the cleft of Jim's ass.

"So you're going to tie me to this thing and do that?" Jim took several deep breaths to handle the sudden panic.

"No, but Lloyd is going to help me give you an enema, then put you in the tub to soak. I want you to relax, talk to me, and be very aware of your body while we're doing it. If you're a good boy, there'll be a massage after your bath."

Jim closed his eyes. "Not today, please, baby, not today. I just want to curl around you and sleep."

"I know, Jimmy, but we won't ever move forward if I don't take charge and make you do this. I'm not going to hurt you, just make you face a couple of difficult things."

"You're going to expose me and all my weaknesses to another person?" Jim complained.

"I'm not just anyone." Lloyd entered the room carrying a full red enema bag. "I've done this hundreds of times with men who have been raped or abused or beaten or simply have some inhibitions, like you do." He hung the bag on the metal stand next to the gurney and draped the attached, clamped white hose around a hook on the stand. "Blair and I decided on an herb mixture to help you relax."

"Do I have to be restrained?"

"And blindfolded," Lloyd added. "I want you to feel what's happening to your body and I want you to listen to your partner. He's going to ask you some questions and I want you to answer them. I'm only here because Blair needs an extra set of hands. You are to concentrate on your lover, focus on him, hear him."

"It's important, Jimmy."

Lloyd smacked Jim's butt. "I gave you an order and you didn't follow it. I should take my paddle to your ass right now."

"What?" Blair asked.

"It will be the first thing he tells you after I start the water." Lloyd was stern, leaving no room for argument.

"Yes, sir," Jim acquiesced, offering his hands to Blair.

Blair fastened the soft material around Jim's wrist. "I can add the waist restraint, if you feel you need it."

"No," Jim shook his head. "This is tough enough."

"This isn't a game, Jim. There aren't any safe words. If you need me to undo your hands, you simply tell me to do it." Blair slipped a padded leather blindfold over Jim's eyes. "Same for this thing. If you need it off, tell me."

Taking a deep breath, Jim felt the change in himself at the scent of the leather. "Why did you add the leather in a room that is otherwise scented only with neutral items and cleaning solutions?"

"I don't want your senses overloaded, but I do want them teased. I want you to set your senses on normal and leave them there. If you need a change in environment, I want to control that -- not you."

"Should I call you master?"

"Only when you're ready," Blair responded. "Relax your head on the pillow and roll your body until your right leg is bent at the knee and your butt is pointed towards Lloyd."

"I'm going to put a folded towel between your knees," Lloyd continued. "Relax into it."

Blair stroked Jim's face. "I need to be here so Lloyd is going to handle the mechanics. The water is just above body temperature so you can feel it, but it won't burn. It's set to run in slowly, so don't fight it."

"But I'll need the toilet and you have my hands tied."

Blair ripped the Velcro on both restraints. "That's how fast you can be free." He refastened the strips.

"Okay, I'm ready." Jim did the breathing exercises Blair had taught him.

"James, the nozzle is very small and I have coated it with extra lube but if you don't cooperate, I won't force it."

"Why is this so difficult?" Jim wiggled his fingers and Blair took them. "Blair has me do this to him and he enjoys it."

"So does Charlie," Lloyd explained as he gently massaged Jim's butt. "It feels good and it's foreplay for activities that feel even better."

"What if I don't have enough control and embarrass myself?" Jim panicked.

"You won't be the first. That's why we use this room. If you can't hold the water, clean up is easy and no one knows but us. It's not something we gossip about." Lloyd gently pushed the nozzle into Jim's ass.

"No playing with your senses, Big Guy," Blair cautioned.

"The nozzle is all the way in," Lloyd said. "I'll give you a minute before I start the water." Lloyd draped a large warm towel over Jim. "I want you comfortable."

"Okay," Jim acknowledged. "It doesn't hurt, but it's not pleasant."

"That's because your mind doesn't understand it's supposed to be pleasant. Think luscious thoughts about your lover, particularly about how good it feels to have your cock buried in his sweet ass."

Jim thought about the first time he had taken Blair, how Blair had guided him through the experience even though Jim had done it with women. But Jim had needed Blair's words to keep him grounded and in focus as that tight, hot channel had squeezed and worked him the way no woman ever had. The women had endured it like an ordeal but Blair had wantonly reveled in the anal sex. Jim understood why he had enjoyed it so much with Blair and wanted to give that back. Jim tensed as the water entered his body.

As water dripped onto his balls, Lloyd gently prodded Jim's hip. "Roll up just a tad." As Jim did so, Lloyd placed a towel between Jim's thighs. "Tell Blair what you're feeling."

"I've only ever had this done in the hospital, usually by nurses who wanted to be anyplace else," Jim admitted, "but I'm trying to concentrate on how you react when I do it to you. How you get pliant under my hands, particularly when the weather is cold. It's like your bones turn to putty and you're mine to do with as I please. I'm trying to relate to that and see if my body will accept what I know yours does."

"That's good, Jim. Much more than I expected you to do. I do like the warm water inside me when it's cold because it warms me. And the fact that you're doing it to me is usually enough to get me hard. I don't expect that to happen for you because it's new and because you have a lot of emotional baggage to deal with tonight. I want the water to work its magic and the herbs to help. We aren't introducing anything that you couldn't drink in a cup of tea or that we couldn't have mixed with the protein drink, but I knew this would work faster and you couldn't complain about the taste."

Jim chuckled and felt a trickle of warm water trail down his leg.

"Don't laugh," Lloyd warned, "and please, tell me if you need to sneeze."

"What happens if I do, sneeze, I mean," Jim tried very hard not to laugh.

"I get very wet," Lloyd admitted. "And sometimes a little dirty."

"Do you get, ah, dirty often?" Blair asked.

"Sometimes, particularly with our physically injured patients. Some of them fight and some of them don't have any control. Our rape victims submit to a medical exam to collect evidence and that can be really difficult. By the time I get them, they've had insult added to injury. When I do get dirty, Charlie usually feels so bad for me that he baths me and that leads to other things."

Jim adjusted his muscles as the water continued to flow in. "Don't you find that disgusting?"

"No." Lloyd petted Jim's ass. "The men who come here need me, need us. If I get a little dirty in the process, it's no big deal. Now, I want you to tell Blair why you object to his pet name for you."

"Jimmy," Blair stammered, "you don't want me to call you Jimmy?"

Jim was quiet, searching for the words.

"I can still get my paddle, young man," Lloyd warned menacingly.

"Jim," Blair coaxed.

His eyes closed behind the blindfold that teased his senses, Jim tried, "It's unimportant in the light of all the other things I have seen today. Can't we just drop it?"

"No," Lloyd stated flatly.

"Give," Blair demanded.

Sighing, Jim gave in. "I wish you wouldn't call me Jimmy."

"Why?" Blair asked.

"Because I don't feel comfortable with the name."

"Why?" Blair asked again.

"Lloyd," Jim pleaded.

"He's your lover, James, to him you owe everything, most especially the truth."

"I need to see you to do this," Jim tried.

"You're stalling, Jimmy," Blair taunted. "Tell me."

The warm water swirled inside his body filling him beyond capacity. "I need the toilet."

Plastic clicked as Lloyd massaged the small of Jim's back. "No, James. Relax. Take a deep breath."

Jim willed the cramp to pass.

"Don't press your luck, James," Lloyd threatened. "I'm not above letting you make a mess all over yourself, then paddling your ass."

"Lloyd, you said I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do, and," Jim paused, "I really don't want to do this."

"I gave you time to do this on your own and you chose not to." Lloyd swatted Jim's butt. "You will do it now, or I will punish you."

Jim remembered Thomas' story about punishment and decided that telling Blair could not be any worse. "Blair," he started, then stopped when Lloyd restarted the flow of water. "I, ah, my father, ah, this hurts, Lloyd."

"And it can hurt a lot more," Lloyd stated with finality.

"My father called me Jimmy and he used it when I had disappointed him -- which was most of the time. And Carolyn called me Jimmy when I disappointed her -- which was most of the time. I guess it makes me think I'm disappointing you, too."

"That's it? That's the whole thing?" Blair asked insidiously.

"Pay attention to his needs, Blair," Lloyd warned.

"I need the toilet," Jim insisted.

Lloyd continued his massage. "Not yet. Blair, rub his shoulders -- gently. You're tense because you don't like the subject of conversation, but your body can handle the quantity of fluid I'm injecting and I want you to hold it. This is not open to debate."

"Jim, I don't think you could ever disappoint me." Blair ran strong fingers over Jim's shoulder muscles. "Did Carolyn ever call you Jimmy in bed?"

Resigned to his restraint, Jim sighed. "In the beginning, when things were good for us."

"Tell me about the good times," Blair urged.

"You want to know about my sex life with my ex-wife? Why?"

"Because it's a part of your life and while I might experience some jealousy regarding your relationship with Carolyn, Lloyd has convinced me that she's a part of your life, part of your history, and therefore part of who you are. If I love you, I have to love all of you."

"If I promise to tell you, can I please use the toilet? I can't hold it any longer. Really." Jim wondered if part of the plan was to humiliate him as he lay in his own waste.

"Unstrap him, Blair." Lloyd instructed, "and I'll help him up."

"May I take off the blindfold?"

Blair ripped open the wrist straps and removed the blindfold. "I may decide to put it back."

Jim made it the few steps to the toilet and was grateful that he could control his body to that extent. Blair sat on a small plastic stool in front of Jim. "Take my hands."

A stream of water drained from Jim's body. "I'd really rather do this alone."

"I know, but like Michael told us, we need to know each others bodies, and I plan on doing this to you a lot in our very long future." Blair kissed Jim's fingers. "Now, relax or you'll cramp."

"I'm going to start the bath water," Lloyd said as he picked up the towels and equipment.

Jim closed his eyes and squeezed Blair's hands.

"Breathe, Jimmy, relax and breathe. This should be a pleasant experience and can be if you let us teach you."

"I might be able to endure it, but I don't think it will ever be a pleasant experience." Another gush of water dropped into the toilet.

"Most things," Blair began in his guide voice, "can have a pleasant or unpleasant effect on us. I like warm water in my ass when it's a prelude to sex; I don't like it in the hospital when it's a medical procedure. And no doctor has ever stroked my prostate in the pleasurable way you do."

"Oh," Jim groaned as he cramped.

"You must learn to relax," Blair soothed and gripped Jim's hand. "It doesn't hurt if you relax and allow your body to do its thing. Father Patrick stressed the beauty of anal sex but warned it should be saved for when we have time for proper loving, when we take the time for everything we're going to do tonight. He said we didn't spend enough time cuddling and kissing or relaxing before we had intercourse. And if we move to the games Michael and Jason play, Michael explained that sometimes they spend twenty four hours together for the sole purpose of great sex. That means planning, but it also means a great sex life -- a worthwhile goal, don't you think?"

"Are you telling me I'm fucking you too much?"

"No. I'm saying couples with more experience are telling us that intercourse should be special and not rushed, although there are always exceptions -- like when one of us has been in danger and we both need to know the other is alive and well." Blair reached behind Jim and flushed the toilet.

"Can I get up now?" Jim could hear a strong stream of water running.

"Not yet. I just got through telling you not to rush this."

More water erupted from Jim's body and he remembered to breathe into the action, easing the pain.

"Now," Blair released Jim's hands, "use the paper, then step to the shower and I'll wash you off."

"I thought you were giving me a bath?"

"I am, but the bath is for relaxing; the shower is for external cleaning."

"Warm water inside and out has been a working method for centuries," Lloyd lectured as he helped Blair to the shower and turned on the water. "Your lover understands, James, and so will you."

Using a hand held shower head, Blair ran water all over Jim's body, then washed him down with Dial soap. Rinsing gently, Blair worked the shower head between Jim's legs as the water flowed gently.

Afterwards, Lloyd turned off the water and held a bath sheet for Jim. "Now, to the tub." It was deep and full of raspberry scented bubbles. "In," Lloyd ordered.

When Jim was settled, his legs stretched almost straight in front of him, his head on a small pillow, Lloyd set a tray across the free standing tub. "There is water and an electrolyte solution, like a sports drink. I want you to have plenty of fluids. Both of you."

Jim sipped the green stuff which tasted a lot like Gatorade.

Lloyd placed a rectangular paddle on the tray. It was light wood that had been varnished until it had a deep shine. On one side, in metal studs, the name James was spelled out. "This is what I use on my children when they disobey me. This is not a game; it is discipline. If you do not do as you are told, I promise you won't be able to sit down for a week."

Jim gulped and decided to stay quiet.

"You will discuss with Blair your problems with the name Jimmy, your experiences with your wife, your day at the hospice, and any other subject Blair chooses. If you don't do that to his satisfaction, I will use it," Lloyd ran a finger over the smooth surface of the wood, "on you. If Blair lets you slide, I will use it on him as well. Do I make myself clear?" Lloyd glared at Jim.

"Crystal," Jim responded.

"And you?" Lloyd turned his gaze on Blair.

Blair nodded.

"Good." Lloyd picked up a small black box on the tray. "If you need help or when you're ready to get Jim out of the tub, press this and I'll come back. This is about talking to each other, a skill any couple who hopes to stay together must master." With that, Lloyd turned, adjusted the lights to a low level, and walked out of the room.

Jim fondled the paddle. "Do you think he's serious?"

"Oh, yeah." Blair stared at his hands. "Jim, I put your name on that thing. He's sending it home with us, with me, to use on you."

"And you think I'm going to submit myself so that you can?" Jim was too tired to be angry.

"He said if we did everything he had outlined for us here, you would."

"Do I get to spank you?"

"If I disobey the rules we set for ourselves," Blair admitted. "If you'll notice, there's space for you to put my name next to yours."

"Oh." Jim put the paddle down. "Do you wonder what we've gotten ourselves into?"

Blair sat on the stool that Lloyd had placed behind the tub near Jim's head. "I'm an observer and that's what I've been doing since we got here. I've seen enough to make me believe that what these people do here works." Blair dribbled water over Jim's shoulders. "How's the water?"

"Perfect."

"How do you feel?"

"Better than when I came home." Jim was silent, wondering where to start the conversation he had been ordered to have with Blair. "Before I stammer through comments about my father and ex-wife, will you tell me what you've seen that makes you believe?"

"I know you're stalling, Jimmy, but I also think you need to understand how these guys relate to one another so that you can pay attention and see for yourself." Blair worked his fingers over the damp skin of Jim's neck. "Think of this group of people as a village, a collection of families related to each other. And, more importantly, think functional family, which in today's society is pretty incredible. The family, or tribe, is headed by Charlie and Lloyd -- Charlie as a father figure, Lloyd as a mother figure, not because he's feminine but because he handles the family duties traditionally handled by the eldest female. They work as a unit, like parents, and give structure to this village. The men here defer to Lloyd in the highest manner of respect, which tells me that whatever he does works. Jim, I'd say that most of the men here love Charlie and Lloyd, and they certainly respect them and the structure they have established."

"Do rejects from society form sub-cultures and exist in them?" Jim asked, hoping he could trigger Blair's professional curiosity and keep the subject of conversation neutral.

"Yes, and working ones, although this place is better organized than most and they don't spend most of their budget on munitions."

"Huh?"

"Street gangs, man. A sub-culture of society's rejects. This is the same type of organization of people who don't fit society's mold." Blair worked a sea sponge over Jim's exposed back. "And as fascinating as the subject is, it's not on tonight's agenda."

Closing his eyes and leaning forward, Jim confessed: "I was hoping I could distract you."

"Jim, it's a fascinating subject and any other time I'd be ready to take on a whole new project, but, baby, this is about us, and there's nothing in my world more important to me than us."

Jim leaned his head back, opening his mouth in an invitation for a kiss, which Blair accepted.

When Blair released Jim's mouth, he said. "Okay, Big Guy, tell me about how my calling you Jimmy makes you feel."

"Because of my dad and Carolyn, it makes me feel less than successful." Jim moved his fingers in the warm bath water. "It's silly. I tried to tell Lloyd it was silly and unimportant."

"It's neither. And if it bothers you even a little, we should talk about it, but my question is how do you feel when I call you Jimmy?"

"I have doubts about us because other people have doubts about me." Jim wondered if that made any sense.

"I like calling you Jimmy and I have no doubts about you. It fits what I'm feeling when I'm intimate with you. I can't see me calling you Jimmy at the station or on a stake out, but in bed or here, like this, I think it fits the way I feel about you."

"So you're going to keep it up?"

"I'll make a deal with you. I'd like to keep calling you Jimmy. Give me three months and if you still have bad feelings about it, we'll talk again. Then, if you want me to, I'll stop calling you Jimmy."

"Is that your best offer?"

"Yeah." Blair leaned around for a quick kiss. "We'll add it to the list we're writing with Father Patrick."

"So this takes us to my ex-wife?" Jim quipped.

"Are we ready to talk about old lovers? Is it even necessary? I don't think I want to know what you did in bed. The only thing that matters to me is why the relationship failed so that won't happen to us."

"The marriage failed because of me," Jim admitted. "I failed her in bed and out. I should have never married her in the first place."

"Did you love her?" Blair asked carefully.

"Yes, Blair, I did. But what I felt for her, and still do, is entirely different from what I feel for you. I don't think it has anything to do with your being a man. It's just me. Just before I met you, when my senses were really screwed up, I kissed her. I mean I really kissed her and it felt so good. She said that if I had kissed her like that when we were married, we might still be married."

"You may have something there. I'll go through it now, off the top of my head, then I'd like to run it by Michael and maybe Charlie. Your failure with Carolyn may have been a problem with your senses. Something happened to you in that jungle that made you suppress your memories and your abilities. You keep a tight lid on your feelings, something inside you promising disaster if you lose control. Then you reached a point where you did lose control and it scared you to death."

"Yeah, and you happened along at the right time in my life," Jim kidded.

"We'll discuss that action of fate some other time. What I'm talking about here is that while your failed marriage might well have been your fault, it was completely out of your control. Until you go back and know what happened to you in that jungle, you're not going to know why you clamped down on your feelings and senses. If we had met while you were still married to her, I might have been able to help you enough to save your marriage. But that's not the way our lives turned out. And again, considering how pushy your spirit guide is, maybe we need to be together and your marriage was doomed before you ever walked down the aisle."

"So you're saying that while the failure is my fault, it really isn't my fault?"

"Something like that. And we'll have to explore all that because I have no intention of letting our marriage fail." Blair stretched forward until he could run his fingers over Jim's tattoo.

"So you consider us married?"

"For lack of a better term, yes, although after we attend the wedding here on Friday, I may decide I want a real church wedding and a ring and everything."

"Blair, it won't be legal. Even if we go to Hawaii, it's not really legal."

"A wedding is a celebration of the union of two people who love each other. Tax returns and all that other stuff are the legal end. It has it's place -- and I want a marriage with you that our society recognizes, but I'm not going to lose a moment's happiness with you because I can't have that. I'm willing to work, within my means, to help us have that, but I'm not going to cry because we don't. I want your heart, James Joseph Ellison, and I want people I care about to help me celebrate what you have given to me."

"Is it just my imagination, or am I the only one with problems here?" Jim flexed his legs. "You seem to be handling all of this," Jim waved his arm around to indicate the room, "surprisingly well."

"I can put some of this in perspective because of my education, but I still have a lot of problems, and trust me, Father Patrick will make me face them."

"So you really want to get married?" Jim bounced back to the subject.

"I don't know. But a wedding usually effects people and I expect it to effect me. I won't know until it happens whether the effect is long lasting or not. I mean, we are committed to each other -- you, me," Blair chuckled, "and Purusha."

"What?"

"You must be doing the right thing because I haven't seen him all evening."

"Maybe he doesn't like water," Jim offered.

"I don't think so. He's been with us around the clock and suddenly he's not here. The only thing that makes sense is that you're doing what he wants." Blair dipped his fingers in the water. "Are you ready to get out?"

Jim closed his eyes and laid his head back. "I don't think so. I'm feeling very mellow right now."

"Good, that's how you're supposed to feel." Blair placed his hands on the side of the tub.

"What're you doing?"

"I want to move around so I can see your face while you tell me about your day at the hospice." Blair leaned against the tub and drug the plastic stool across the tile floor. I'm curious about your reaction because while you see death every day, you rarely see dying."

"You know," Jim ran his hand over his face, "that may be the key I need to put all this in perspective. I see the dead or injured person but I only deal with the corpse or the medical emergency. Even in Vice, I only got a glimpse of what I thought was an ugly world but I never stepped back and looked at it." Jim was silent as he drank the light green liquid. "Chief, what do you know about hospice care?"

"I did a paper on the subject, focusing on how our society deals with dying. I took a whole semester and volunteered in several places as part of my research. One was AIDS, but that's not the only thing killing people in our world."

"So you were able to distance yourself from the environment and not see the pain?"

"Hey, man, I don't like pain and death. I particularly don't like the violence and death that I encounter while working with you, but I do understand that death is a part of life and there's not a damn thing I can do to stop it." Blair took Jim's wet hand. "What did you see today that moved you so much?"

"I'm not sure it was just today, but everything that's happened since I met Father Mykkhal in the hospital chapel. It's past the Sandburg zone, directly into "The Twilight Zone". This whole Sentinel thing has an unreal quality to it and some days I don't know where to put it."

"And it's overwhelming and a little awesome, but you can handle it."

"Blair, I've watched a priest turn into the panther, then in the chapel, the panther turned into my mother."

"No wonder you were so quiet yesterday," Blair said softly. "It must have been rather like seeing a ghost."

"It's like my head fills up with all this stuff and I can't process it."

"Was it a vision, maybe like she was shrouded in mist or something?"

"No, she was as real as the Indian I saw in the jungle and her words were very clear. She told me to follow my heart, to love you. I don't know, Chief, maybe this stuff is easy for you, but it's damn hard for me. I don't believe in all this mystical stuff."

"And you don't know if your mind is playing tricks on you or not?"

Jim nodded, sure he was going crazy, a thought that had plagued him continually since that first night in the chapel. "I'm too strongly anchored in the real world to be comfortable with things that aren't real."

"Jim," Blair twisted on his perch, unable to get up and pace, "have you ever wondered why it's us as a team? We're so different, approaching life from a completely different viewpoint on almost every plane, and yet, we complement each other, provide strength and comfort and information and whatever else we might need."

"I know what you have provided me," Jim confessed, "but I have no clue as to what I might have given in return. Probably nothing. What I gave Carolyn. Father Mykkhal told me that I needed you a lot more than you needed me. I've seen nothing in me that disproves that."

"I don't even know how to tell you what you've given me. I'm a gypsy, Jim. It's in my blood to move on, to use that concept as protection against being hurt or getting bored. There has never been a reason for me to stay in one place for long. Until you. And even if we weren't lovers, I think that part would still be there for me. The loft is my home, Jim, not just a place where I have my stuff, all of which will fit in the back of my car. In all the places I've ever lived, there has never been a place I thought about as home, as a sanctuary, as a place I wanted to be. Before now, I had a space that was mine for the moment, places I rented or worked in exchange for rent, places I had responsibilities in, but never a place where I wanted to be and live and do the daily routine stuff. I enjoy cooking for you rather than it being a task that must be done and it's my turn to do it. That first morning I was in the loft and I cooked your breakfast. You called it a courtship ritual and maybe you were right, although it had nothing to do with a sexually based relationship. I felt something that morning, a feeling of belonging that I had never had in my life. My cooking that morning was a part of accepting the responsibilities of belonging. Does that make any sense?"

"Maybe." Jim shrugged. "I never thought of the loft any differently than I thought about any other place where I slept and kept my clothes. After my mom died, Dad took everything out of the house that belonged to her and the place was as sterile as an army barracks."

"Did your dad ever date after your mom died?"

"Huh?" Jim shook his head. "No, not that I remember."

"How did your mom die?"

"Cancer." The memory of the hospital room and the odor of death overwhelmed his senses and he slumped in the water.

"Jim!" Blair reached for the black box.

Reaching out to touch Blair's hand, Jim managed. "No. I'm all right. Just a very powerful memory."

"Look at me, talk to me," Blair said in his guide voice.

Gulping air, Jim lifted his head. "That's what I couldn't connect. The smell. There's a smell to death and all day it tickled at my memory and I couldn't figure out why."

"Can you go with that?"

"I don't remember much about Mom's death except the memories of the hospital and how weak she was. My dad was angry."

"How angry? I know these are childhood memories but what's recorded is real and you can use it if you bring it back and filter out the childhood responses."

Jim closed his eyes, placing his head on the pillow on the back of the tub, and tried to relax. "The anger was like a living force."

"Did he ever hit you?" Blair asked quietly.

"You mean in an abusive manner?" Jim tried not to think about that time in his life but Blair would push until he got an answer.

"I mean, did your father ever hit you?"

"He punished me when I was little, but then he found other ways to make my life miserable. Sandburg, I really don't want to talk about this right now. Please."

"Okay," Blair relented, "but it will have to be discussed some time soon. Can we talk about the loft?"

"What about the loft?" Jim sighed in resignation.

"You're tired," Blair concluded, "and it's time to get you out." He picked up the box and pressed the button, then he pushed the tray forward on the free standing tub.

"Good evening, gentlemen," Patrick said as he entered the room and took a large bath sheet from a hook on the wall. "Where's Lloyd?" Blair asked.

"He had a small emergency and asked if I'd help with Jim's massage." Patrick held the towel open as Jim stepped out of the tub.

"Would you mind if I just went to bed?" Jim allowed himself to be dried, then wrapped in the warm terry cloth.

"Well, since this is supposed to be a sensual massage and not a therapeutic massage, we can do it in your room. Blair, did he cover the topics Lloyd assigned?"

Blair grinned. "Actually, he did better than I expected. No great exploration of anything, but he did open up a little. A man who has spent his whole life holding his feelings inside isn't going to open up just because I want him to."

After helping Blair with his crutches, Patrick picked up the paddle. "Then we can move on to the next stage?"

Oh, great, Jim thought as he waited for Blair to precede him out the door. "Now what?"

"We move on to a more intimate subject," Blair explained.

Jim was silent until they reached their room, wondering what his lover had in mind now.

"On the bed, Big Guy," Blair ordered as he headed to the bathroom.

"Patrick, I'm really tired. Can't this wait?"

"Afraid not," Patrick replied. "Although Lloyd handles this better than I do."

"So what's the emergency?" Blair asked as he settled on the bed, dressed only in his briefs.

"Lloyd's mother," Patrick explained. "It's one of the curve balls that life throws at us. His mother refused to speak to him once he moved in with Charlie. All these years she has had nothing to do with him, then she got sick and there was no one to take care of her but Lloyd. He had to put her in a nursing home because she refused to stay in the house where he lives with Charlie, and Lloyd refused to stop sleeping with Charlie. It's part of what we have to deal with as gay men, but Charlie and Lloyd have always put family first whenever possible. Anyway, Lloyd had to go out to the nursing home."

"I never thought about our families," Blair admitted. "Of course, there's only my mom and she'll be cool about us when we tell her."

"So you're going to do that?" Patrick retrieved massage oil from the bathroom cabinet.

"Yeah." Blair moved so that he could cradle Jim's head. "She moves around a lot, but I figure the next time she visits, she'll know before I have a chance to tell her. She's very intuitive."

"Stretch out on your tummy," Patrick directed. "What about your family, Jim?"

"There's nothing to worry about," Jim stated flatly.

"Patrick, let's not push Jim any more tonight. I think he's had enough for one day." Blair's hands on Jim's shoulders were warm and oily. "Let's just take care of him now."

"It's your call." Patrick's hands were warm and oily on Jim's lower back.

"Why did you say that Lloyd handles this better than you do?" Blair asked.

"Because he tops ninety percent of the time and he relates really well to men who have inhibitions about anal sex."

"So he relates better to men like Jim?" Blair teased Jim's ears with his fingers.

"Yeah. Lloyd's not a virgin -- and he would tell you these things if he were here -- but he's not really comfortable being a bottom. It takes someone really special and patient with Lloyd to enable him to enjoy it, so he knows what preparation is necessary and what works best. He'd also feel free to touch Jim any where and I don't."

"That's okay," Blair acknowledged. "I can handle touching Jim."

"So you're just going to rub some oil onto my back," Jim grumbled.

"No," Patrick popped Jim's butt lightly, "You're going to listen to me while I tell you about what Danny did to help me over this hurdle, then you're going to do exactly what your lover tells you to do."

"And if you don't," Blair warned, "I'll use the paddle on your beautiful ass."

"James, did Blair explain to you what he wants?"

"He said he wanted to, ah, I mean, well..." Jim fumbled with the words to use with the priest.

"James, I may be a priest and your counselor, but I am also a gay man. My lover fucks me when that's our choice for expressing our love for each other. There's no need to trip over the word."

"Sorry, Father, but as you know childhood training can be very effective."

"I know," Patrick agreed, "but the question in this room tonight is whether or not you want your lover to fuck you."

"I know how good it feels when I do it to him, and he has explained that he also wants to experience that intimacy," Jim worked around the words as Blair's fingers gently massaged.

"Can you handle his desires and your inhibitions?"

"He has a paddle with my name on it. I think that gives him the right to do whatever he wants."

"Jimmy, if I force myself on you and you're not willing and able, it's rape, with every ugly connotation that goes with that word."

"Why is it such a problem for me?" Jim whispered. "I do want it."

"Blair, since I am not comfortable touching your lover intimately, I want you to find a position that will allow you to touch him when I tell you to, without causing you discomfort." Patrick sighed, "This whole thing would be much easier if you weren't injured."

"I know," Blair laughed. "But we might not be here at all if I hadn't been."

"Blair," Patrick directed, "stay where you are, against the headboard. Jim, you turn around until you settle yourself over him where he can reach your butt and your cock."

Jim rolled over and around until he and Blair found a position that suited Patrick, who sat at the end of the bed in a near lotus position. From the distance, Jim heard the panther purr but did not bother to search the room for his spirit guide.

"Are you okay, Blair?" Patrick asked.

"Yeah, but the toys are in the night stand drawer."

"Toys?" Jim asked.

Patrick got off the bed and opened the drawer. "The ones your lover has prepared for this step in your sexual education." He handed the items to Blair.

"Jimmy, I want you to move so you're on your left side, like I had you lying for the enema."

Jim blanched.

"James," Patrick reassured, "Enema is not a dirty word. It's just part of a good, healthy sex life. Even straight couples engage in anal sex and cleanliness is essential to healthy anal sex."

"Don't fight me, Jimmy. We need..." Blair faltered. "I need this. Please."

"Blair, show him the toys."

"Maybe we should just go to sleep," Blair muttered hesitantly.

"No, baby," Jim whispered, picturing Blair jumping out of a plane and off the cliff. "I can do this for you."

"I was going to blindfold you for this, but I think you need to have use of all your senses. Take this."

"What is it?" Jim asked.

"It's a butt plug, a very small one," Blair explained gently. "I want you to hold it for now and think about letting me put it in. I want you to sleep with it inside tonight."

"It doesn't feel small." Jim rolled the rubber thing around in his hands, then caught the scent of his lover's semen.

"It's the size of your lover's middle finger," Patrick added. "It's the next step in preparing yourself to take his cock."

"And I want you to hold these, too." Blair handed Jim a pair of thin black leather gloves. "You responded to Michael in his leather. I wanted to see if you would respond to mine."

"They smell like you, like you came in them." Jim buried his nose in the gloves.

"I did," Blair confirmed. "As many times as I could, then I smeared my cream all over them and the butt plug. I wanted you to be hot so that I could command you to do my bidding."

"I think it worked. Slide your hand under me and feel for yourself." Jim shifted to accommodate Blair's hand.

"Fondle him, Blair," Patrick encouraged. "Put one of the gloves on and let him feel the leather on your masterful hand."

"Is this how Danny handled you?" Blair asked as he slipped the leather over his fingers.

"With Lloyd's help." Patrick looked at his hands folded in his lap. "No one's ever touched me sexually except Danny, and I was twenty eight when that happened. So when it was time for our wedding and we had dealt with all the issues, I wanted to give myself to him. But there are some physical needs that have to be addressed and I wanted to save that for our wedding night but I didn't want anyone else touching me and I was so stressed that I couldn't do the stretching and stuff myself." Patrick twisted his fingers together nervously, like this had happened last week. "Lloyd convinced me that Danny was an experienced enough partner that he could handle the preliminaries and it wouldn't spoil the event."

"And?" Blair encouraged, smiling.

"Lloyd helped with the enemas and the calming herbs. Never anything to stop pain. If it hurts, don't force it. I felt like a virgin bride, and that helps me even now when I'm counseling. He helped pick out the butt plugs, showing them to me, telling me that I should sleep in them, starting with a small one like that," Patrick pointed to the object in Jim's hand, "and working up to one that was the size of my lover's dick. It took several weeks. The first morning after I'd managed to sleep with the thing in, I was sore and turned on and my feelings were confused, but Danny was there for me at night, to slide the thing in and Lloyd was there in the morning to help me sort out the feelings."

Jim remembered Danny and Patrick at the altar in the church, a full partnership in every way. He had to do this for Blair, and for himself.

"And your wedding night?" Blair could barely contain his excitement.

"Well," Patrick blushed, "it wasn't perfect, but it wasn't a disaster either. He was so gentle with me and we were only mildly clumsy. Looking back, it was very sweet."

"I've never had that kind of patience with a lover," Jim admitted, remembering how he went after Carolyn until she begged him to stop. She claimed he needed something from sex that she could not give him. Maybe she had been right. He wondered idly if they should invite her to the wedding. Oh, God! I am not going to think that way.

"I can be patient," Blair promised. "Jimmy, we are forever. Only death can part us, and I'm not even sure that can. I can be as patient as I have to be."

"I need to go now." Patrick stood quickly.

"Thinking about it makes you want him, doesn't it?" Blair teased lightly.

"Yeah, it does. I wish my body didn't advertise my feelings but I do love him and I can't imagine my life without him."

"Go." Blair waved his arm. "We can handle this."

"We'll talk tomorrow, James." Patrick stepped over the panther and left the room.

"I'm going to take good care of you, Jimmy," Blair purred as he stroked Jim's erection. "I want you to do exactly what I tell you to do."

"Or you'll spank me?" Jim quipped, wondering what it would really feel like when added to sexual passion.

"Or I'll let you take care of that by yourself." Blair smirked as Jim turned to face him. "Put the other glove on my hand."

"You're going to do me with your gloves on?"

"That's right. I want your scent on them too. I want the smell of us to turn you on."

After Jim slipped the tight leather over Blair's fingers, he crushed their lips together. "Right now, all it takes is the smell of you and I'm gone."

"Good. I want you to turn around. On your hands and knees, I want you to back up to me so that your butt is in my face."

"What do you want me to do with this thing?" Jim held up the butt plug.

"Lube it and place it on that towel so I can reach it," Blair ordered, not moving from his place on the bed. "Lots of lube for your tight little hole."

Jim did as he was ordered, his body trembling with anxiety and the need throbbing in his cock.

Blair pulled Jim's ass cheeks apart with his gloved hands and blew a stream of air across the puckered hole. "It's beautiful, you know. As beautiful as the rest of you." Touching his tongue to Jim's sensitive flesh, Blair licked around the outside of the hole.

"Dear God," Jim moaned.

Blair flicked his tongue inside, fucking Jim with wet velvet.

"So good," Jim whimpered, coherent thought deserting him.

In and out went the tongue until Jim thought he was going to melt into a puddle with his hard dick sticking out of the middle.

Blair reached around and stroked Jim's cock, making it jump and pulse. "Okay, Jimmy, it's time for me to put the butt plug in. There'll be a little pressure but it shouldn't hurt. You tell me if it does."

Jim managed to nod his head.

"If I were going to fuck you, I'd start with my finger, in order to stretch you, but I've done some of that with my tongue. Relax and don't fight me." Blair maintained his contact with Jim's cock with his left hand while he pushed the rubber shaft gently inside Jim.

Jim struggled and relaxed, tightened and relaxed, scolded himself and relaxed until Blair announced the damn thing was all the way in.

"How does it feel?"

"Strange, like a stick or something," Jim managed, his needful cock still in Blair's hand. "Give me something else to think about."

"Roll over. Slowly. Let your body adjust."

"Ohhh," Jim cried, then worked his muscles around the intruder. "Okay."

"Kiss me."

Jim moved his face closer to Blair's and accepted his lover's mouth. It was a long time before they separated and Jim was breathing hard.

Blair worked one hand over Jim's cock and his other around Jim's balls. "Come for me, Jimmy. Let go of your senses and experience everything. My scent, the smell of the leather, the feel of my hands on you, the rubber in your ass, my voice guiding you. Let it all go and come for me."

Jim's mind followed Blair's instruction like always and so did his body, teaming over until the creamy fluid spurted onto Blair's gloved hands.

"You're such a good boy, Jimmy. Your beautiful body obeys me as it should." Blair spread the cream around Jim's hard belly with the leather covered fingers. "You're such a good boy, I'm going to let you sleep now."

"But..."

"No buts, my love, you will do as I say."

"Yes, master," Jim replied and closed his eyes.

End "All You Need Is a Cape, Ellison.", Chapter 13.