A TPTB Xmas
by the other g.m.
This is a flip-side to all those "Wonderful Life" clones that come out every xmas. What if the guy really was happy with his old life?
Fandom: The Sentinel
Pairing: Blair/Jim
Rating: PG
website: http://scifimorgue.com/
Summary: TPTB decide to show Blair the true meaning of Christmas by letting him see how his life could have turned out. And par usual, they still can't get the J/B thing right.
Warnings: Contains some in-story references about TPTB.
Notes: What was going to be just a couple of pages of a Blair POV, blossomed into this much larger work. Blair has that effect on me. Don't be put off by the start, it does have a happy ending.
A TPTB Xmas
by the other g.m.
Something was poking Blair's chest. He laid motionless in bed trying to ignore it.
Even through the grogginess of sleep, he could feel a sharp point scraping along his flesh. It wondered around aimlessly, exploring his chest until it found a nipple to circle, repeatedly, like a dog chasing something around a tree.
"Jim," he said. "Trying. Sleep." The nasal whining of his words made them barely understandable. Blair didn't bother opening his eyes, he pulled the white sheet close to his body, turned over on his side, and buried his face in the soft plushiness of the pillow.
The pointy something was not deterred. It traced it's way along his exposed arm, and gently poked him several times between the ribs.
A grumbling sound, partially muffled by the pillow, preceded Blair's sleep slurred words. "Reading. 3 AM. Sleep."
He gave a blind, clumsy swat, trying to get the person to go away, and let his arm drop like a dead weight. He refocused all his attention on breathing through his mouth.
A woman giggled.
Blair's eyelids shot wide open. His mind struggled to comprehend what a woman would be doing here. Here in his and Jim's bedroom. He turned his head and looked at her.
He sat straight up in bed, and rubbed the sleepiness from his eyes.
"Maya," he said. "What are you doing here? I thought you went-"
She smiled. "I am here. I am not going anywhere. Not today. It is Christmas."
"Jim will be surprised to see your back. But I guess he already did, if you're up here."
She sat down on the green, jungle leaf patterned bedspread, next to Blair.
"Jim is asleep on the couch," she said.
Blair scratched his arm. Jim probably wanted to let him and Maya have time together to talk. Or maybe Jim was in another one of his moods, because Maya was back in town. Jim could be moody, and at times for no obvious reason. It was something that Blair never really got used to, but it kept life with Jim from being too predictable.
Blair glanced at the alarm clock. The familiar blood red, digital numbers were nowhere to be seen. The clock and the nightstand it sat on were gone. He looked around the room.
"This isn't the loft," he said. "Where-"
She smiled like a compassionate saint. "You are home. In bed."
"I didn't happen to go out partying last night, did I, and gulp down a little too much Christmas cheer?"
Her words were the light fluffiness of an angel food cake. "You stayed the night here," she said.
Blair searched his memories, trying to think of what could be at the root of all this. Brown's eggnog. That was what must have happened last night. For non-alcoholics, Brown's eggnog often caused weekend comas, killer hangovers, unwanted marriages, and unexpected pregnancies and tattoos.
The reality of what could have happened, welled up in Blair's throat. The words came with difficulty. "We didn't?"
She smiled with glowing innocence, totally oblivious to what Blair was trying to ask.
Blair saw he was getting nowhere, and waved away the question. "Forget it," he said. "So, Jim's here too? Jim Ellison."
A dark cloud appeared in the skies of her eden-like thoughts. "Jim Ellison is not here."
"Duty calls," he said. "I guess we won't be spending Christmas together-" Maya probably didn't know about him and Jim being an item, so he corrected himself.
"Us. All of us won't be spending it together. I- We might drop by the station later and see what he's up to."
"Blair," she said. "Your Jim has gone."
Reading Maya's expressions had always been difficult. From the expression on her face, he wasn't sure if she was serious, sad, or just had gas.
"I thought you said he was asleep on the couch. Has he gone to work? Gone because he needs some quiet time?"
She gripped his forearm and looked at him with an intense gaze. She shook her head in a way that conveyed infinite understanding and compassion. "Jim is not here. My love."
Blair raised an eyebrow. He tried to figure out what had just happened. Now he was totally in the dark, and totally confused. Maya had that effect on people.
A small child poked her head into the bedroom. Blair instinctively pulled the bed covers up to cover his bare torso. Maya turned and smiled with a saintly glow.
"Feliz Navidad, Katarina," Maya said. "Come give your father a hug."
Blair's jaw dropped. "Father? I'm a father?"
The child walked over to the bed. Maya turned the divine radiance of her glowing smile onto Blair.
Something nagged at Blair. Something deep. Something was not right. Then it hit him - he never slept with Maya, as far as he could remember. But there the little girl was, the proverbial fruit of his loins, standing there in the flesh just inches from him.
Maybe she was someone else's child, and Maya just thought or wanted her to be Blair's. No. The face. The curly hair. She was his child. No doubt about that. But how?
He gave Katarina a nervous hug.
A shrill baby's cry, from another room, filled the air.
"El nino Jimmy has woke up," Maya said.
Another child. This was too much for Blair. He started to get out of bed, but Maya stopped him.
"I will feed him," she said. "You should be up and dressed, Papa. Katarina cannot wait to open her presents."
Blair smiled and nodded.
Maya patted her daughter's shoulder, and left the bedroom.
Blair reached for his cellphone, but realized the nightstand wasn't where he had expectd it to be. He scooted to the edge of the bed, and put his feet on the cold wood floor.
Katarina stared at him with her emotionless face, watching his every move, committing everything her father did to memory.
Blair gave her a toothy grin. "Hi," he said, the tone of his words revealing his nervousness.
Blair peeked under the warm bedding that covered his lap.
"Honey," he said. "Why don't you go see what mommy is doing. Daddy needs to get dressed. Daddy. Huh."
Katarina left to go find her mommy, but paused at the doorway to take a final look at her father.
Blair waved and smiled. "Bye, now."
She smiled back at him, and toddled off.
Blair mussed up his hair, and rubbed his face several times. This was all too weird. He walked nude to the dresser, and pulled out a pair of white briefs from the top drawer.
"At least those are where they should be," he said, as he slipped them on.
He found his cellphone, and hit the autodial for the Cascade PD. He stood there in his snug white briefs, with his arms crossed, and waited for someone to answer.
"Yeah. Major Crimes."
He waited some more.
"This is Blair Sandburg. Would Detective Ellison be there?"
A quick response. A thanks. End of conversation. The dial tone droned in his ear, as he tried to figure out the cryptic reply he had received.
"No longer with them," he said. "What's going on here?"
He turned off the phone and got dressed.
==============================
Opening presents with children of his that he had only known about for fifteen minutes was a pleasantly surprising experience, but he knew what mattered most - he needed to find Jim.
His excursion to the loft had turned out be a real eye opener. There was no loft. That upper end of the block was now a wharf-side restaurant complete with the necessary nautical themed props out front to lure in passersby. A parking lot occupied where the loft had been.
A bitter chill, and overcast sky kept this from feeling like Christmas. There wasn't a single flake of snow in the air or on the ground. Blair tucked his hands back in his coat pockets, and walked away. Jim wasn't here.
==============================
Blair walked into the Major Crimes bullpen. He grinned when he saw a familiar face sitting behind one of the desks. The man was decked out in a snowy white Cascade Angels thermal pullover.
"My man Brown," he said.
Detective Henry Brown nodded.
"Hair boy," he said. "Haven't seen you around in a month of Sundays."
"You seen Ellison?"
"You haven't heard?"
"Heard what," Blair said. "Where's Jim?"
Brown walked to Captain Bank's office. He gave Blair a heartfelt look, and knocked on the door.
Blair heard Simon's muffled voice. He watched as Brown stuck his head into the office, nodded, and motioned Blair to go in. Brown went back to his desk.
Simon's deep, gruff voice greeted Blair. "Sandburg. Have a seat stranger."
Simon closed the door to his office. Blair stood.
"Simon, what's going on. Where's Jim?"
Simon gestured towards a chair in front of his desk. "Better have a seat Sandburg."
Blair sat down. "Why? Something's happened. Hasn't it? Something's happened to Jim."
"You didn't get the messages I sent down there? I used the address in South America that you gave me."
Blair gave Simon a wide-armed "Huh?" gesture.
Simon walked around to the front of his desk, and sat down on the edge.
"Sandburg. Blair. Jim's gone."
Blair moved his leg side to side nervously. "Gone on a stakeout. Gone on vacation. What gone?"
"I tried every way I could think of to contact you," Simon said. "Phone. Mail. Telegram. And when you didn't show up for the funeral-"
Blair jerked to attention. "Funeral?"
Simon composed his thoughts. "A drug bust went sour. A new supplier of Golden had a meeting with Jim and Megan. She stood in for you, helping Jim with the Sentinel thing after you left with Maya. Their cover got blown. Stray fire hit the case of Golden. Megan and the supplier have been in a coma for over a year now."
Blair locked his gaze on Simon. "And Jim?"
Simon shook his head. "It wasn't pretty. He got a lung full of that... that crap. The seizures and hallucinations kept getting worse. He lived about a week."
The color drained from Blair's face.
Simon put a hand on Blair's shoulder. "I'm sorry Blair."
Blair opened his mouth, but nothing came out.
"I know you two were close," Simon said. "Like brothers. This was a big loss for all of us. He was a good man... and friend."
"I was just talking to him..."
The phone rang. Simon answered and turned to Blair.
"I've got a..."
He looked at the state Blair was in. "I'll just take this out in the bullpen."
He paused at the door. "You going to be alright, Blair?"
Blair wiped the mosture from his reddened eyelids. "Fine. Yeah, fine."
He waited until Simon had left, and slumped forward with his face in his hands. A knock at the door startled him.
Brown poked his head through. "Blair?"
"Yeah, Brown?"
"Simon give you the 411," Brown asked.
Blair cleared his throat and sniffled.
"Oh, yeah. All of it. I was just talking to Jim yesterday - I think. I don't know. Me, I've got a wife and family. Jim, he's gone. Just like that. Gone." He choked on the last word, barely getting it out.
Brown walked in and closed the door. "You've got a family whose there for you."
Blair was lost in his own thoughts "I don't know what happened. This. This shouldn't be happening. I should have been here for him."
"You have to let go of the past," Brown said." "Sure that probably wouldn't have happened to him, if you had been here. But you can't blame yourself, man. Remember him for what he was - you're friend."
"Jim was the most important person in my life," Blair said. "I can't treat him like some knick-knack that you just toss away in the attic and forget about. He deserves more than that."
"It's Christmas," Brown said. "You should be spending it with your loving wife and adorable children."
Blair's anguish turned to anger.
"Loving? Adorable? Haven't you heard a single thing I've said. A large piece of my life has just been ripped from me. And if you were a friend you would realize that. So just don't talk to me, Brown. All right?"
"Sorry, man. I miss Jim too."
Brown turned to leave, but paused before opening the door.
"But you are happy with your wife, aren't you," Brown asked." You do love her, don't you?"
"What," Blair said. "Yeah, once upon a time I did. Why do you keep going on about it?"
Brown reached into his back pants pocket and pulled out a white PDA. He scribbled a few notes on it, then handed it and the pen stylus to Blair.
Brown pointed to an area on the screen. "Sign here."
"Brown?"
Brown grinned. "Just borrowing a familiar face. Slight mix-up. Happens sometimes. Sign on this line."
Blair looked over the digital document.
Brown summarized. "It's your standard 'Life That Should Have Been' seasonal contract."
Blair gestured with his arms. " All this... Don't tell me. This is like one of those Chistmas movies, where the guy sees what his life would have-"
"Bang on, Hairboy. You got it in one guess."
Brown pointed at the relevant part of the document. "So just put your John Hancock here-
Blair signed it.
"And here on the liability waiver," Brown said.
"To cover your ass in case of mix-ups," Blair said.
Brown pointed at Blair with both hands, and smiled. "Two for two."
"So this will bring Jim back," Blair asked. "Brown, tell me this will bring him back."
Brown shrugged.
"What we could have done and might have done," Brown said. "There's no way of knowing what's going to happen. All we can guarantee is how one small part of your life turns out. Guaranteed." Brown pointed at a paragraph in the document displayed in green text. "Right there."
"I want Jim back," Blair said.
Brown jotted down a few notes on the PDA, and handed it to Blair.
"Initial here," he said.
Blair ititialed on the line. "So now what?"
"Waiting for the approval. It's kinda slow this time of year."
Blair crossed his arms. "So how do I know when it's approv-"
The floor beneath his feet wasn't there anymore. He felt himself falling faster and faster into whiteness.
Off in the distance, he could hear Brown's voice saying "That's how."
================================
The acceleration of falling vanished. Blair felt his head land gently on something soft and fluffy. Everything was dark.
He felt something sharp and pointy edging along his chest.
"Jim," he said at the top of his lungs.
"You know," Cassie said. "I was thinking. Maybe we-"
Blair opened his eyes. When he saw who was in bed with him, he shrieked and rolled out of bed, falling butt-naked onto the plush green shag carpet. He saw he was nude, and yanked the bed covers close to protect himself.
Cassie rolled her eyes, and continued with what she was saying. "Maybe we should invite him over for christmas."
"What," Blair said.
"Jim," she said. "Let's stay on the same page here, Blair. The guy is a hermit. He spends every Christmas alone in that loft of his. No friends. No parties. We really should do something for him this year. I know you two guys don't talk to each other anymore, but I was thinking maybe we could invite him over for Christmas lunch. That's assuming that you can get him to talk to you. So get up, get dressed. and go invite Jim over."
Cassie got out of bed and walked towards her bathroom.
"This can't be happening again," Blair said.
Cassie stopped in the doorway and glared at him.
"Enough already," she said. "Get your ass up, Blair, and go see Jim. I mean it."
Blair stiffened. "But."
"Now, mister."
Blair waited to say anything until Cassie's was down the hallway and out of hearing range.
"Jeez," he said in a low voice. "Don't have to be a bitch about it."
"I heard that," she said, in a loud, shrill voice from the other end of the hall.
Blair cringed.
"So this is life with Cassie," he said. "Man, I'm so glad that didn't work out. Brown is gonna get some serious coal raking for this nightmare from hell.
He threw the covers back onto the bed, and got out clean clothes to wear. To heck with a shower and shave. The sooner he was out of here, the better.
He finished tying his shoes and headed for the door. He had not seen Cassie again, and hoped she might have left. The decor of her - their - apartment was nice and tasteful, with glass-topped metal endtables, and southwestern prints of desert scenes and gilded cow skulls ornamented with feathers. But everything in the apartment seemed more about appearance than substance. It and he were just expressions of Cassie's will.
"You're going to see Jim aren't you," she asked.
Blair jumped. "Yes, O' light of my life."
Cassie graced him with her sour lemon expression.
Blair smiled like a toothy idiot. "I'm going to see a man about Christmas. Bye."
Blair closed the door behind him. He breathed a sigh of relief. Brown. Brown was going to hear about this one. But first, Jim. He really needed to see Jim.
========================
Blair stood on the street, looking up at the loft. At least this time there was a loft standing where it should be.
He sprinted up the stairs, and knocked on the front door to the loft, knowing that true love was behind door #1. Well, Jim's door. Giddiness filled Blair. He felt swarms of butterflies in his stomach. When he heard the door opening, he couldn't hold back an eager grin.
Jim opened the door.
"Yeah," he said.
His expression hardened when he saw Blair.
"If they needed me at the office," Jim said. "They could have used the phone."
"It's personal," Blair said. "I just stopped by to-"
Blair's words were cut short by the door slamming shut in his face.
"What's wrong with you, Jim? I came by-"
A voice bellowed through the closed door. "I don't want to hear it. Now get off my property before I hit you with tresspassing."
"Jim," Blair said. "Jim please."
The door opened a little. Blair did his best lost puppy dog eyes. Jim grumbled, and slammed his clenched fist against the door frame.
"What do you want," Jim said.
Blair walked toward the door, expecting Jim to let him in, but Jim was not budging. He was not going to let Blair just walk back in.
"I can over to invite you for Christmas lunch," Blair said.
Jim was cold in his response. "Your shrew wife can't stay out of other people's business. Let me think it over - NO."
He slammed the door shut.
"Jim. I came over. I came over to see you."
Nothing.
"Just a minute," Blair said. "Face to face."
Blair heard the sound of a fist hitting the door frame three times. The door slowly opened. Blair walked in cautiously. He jumped when the door slammed behind him.
Jim stood there, with his arms crossed. He was in a foul mood and it showed.
Blair had seen that look before, but never directed towards him. If this was the jungle, and Jim were in fatigues, Blair would be very, very dead.
"If you've got something to say," Jim said. "Say it and get the hell out."
"I wanted to see how things were going."
"Peachy, Chief. Oh, I forgot, that's what call a FRIEND. Peachy, Mr. Sandburg. Just peachy."
"I'm getting some really strong vibes here," Blair said. "Did I do something wrong?"
Jim laughed "Wrong?"
Blair could feel the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. "What's so funny," he said, trying hide the cracks in his voice.
"You," Jim said. "You are. For coming here and trying to blow smoke up my ass about this friendship crap. I trusted you. And you screwed me over for that... that shrew bitch."
"Your right about the shrew part," Blair said under his breath.
"Damn straight," Jim said.
Blair winced. He had forgot about Jim's acute hearing.
"Don't even try to deny what you did," Jim said. "Everyone that I... They either die or stab me in the back. How dare you come here and invite me to have lunch with you and _her_."
"Jim. I-"
"I liked you, Blair. I let you move in here. In my place. Just you and me. The two of us here. Together."
Jim's face turned redder, the veins in his neck bulged. He pointed an accusing finger at Blair, wielding it like a dagger. "When everyone else treated you like shit, I stood by you."
He pointed to his chest. His voice became quiter, shallower, and more menacing. "I confided in you. And you cut it out, without saying a single word. You walked out. I died."
Blair reached out to touch him. "Jim."
Jim backed away, and gestured at Blair. The words from his lips were icy cold.
"You're not with me," he said, "Then you're against me. Leave."
Blair couldn't leave. He edged over to Jim, and placed his hand on Jim's shoulder. The shoulder relaxed, the stiffened again. Blair wound his arms around Jim, but the man stayed as unyielding as a statue.
Jim felt himself surrounded by a scent, Blair's, that he once cherished. He pressed his face against Blair's chestnut mane, but refused to hug the man he once had feelings for.
Jim whispered the words in Blair's ear. "Now, Blair. Leave."
Blair pulled free and walked to the door. He turned the knob, waiting for Jim to say something, but the words did not come. Blair took a final look at Jim.
"Blair Sandburg," Jim said, "I can never forgive you."
Blair closed the door behind him, and drifted down the stairs. He had lost Jim twice in one morning. Brown was now officially on Blair's shit list.
============================
Blair walked over to Brown's desk.
Brown stood there with a goofy grin on his face, wallowing in the glow of his achievement. "So? Let me guess. It's better than you could have hoped for. Am I good, or what?"
Blair slammed his hands onto Brown's desk. "It's a disaster, Brown. Yeah, Jim is alive and everything, but he hates me."
Brown's smile fell.
"And what's with sticking me with Cassie. She's supposed to be Jim's, not mine."
Blair ran his hand through the mane of tangled strands on his head. "On the way over here, I thought about it. Spending a lifetime not able to talk to him. Or be around him. That's worse than him being dead."
"That's good," Brown said. "Learning lessons is an important part of it."
Blair gave Brown a look of shocked disbelief. "All this hell you're putting me through is just so I can learn to appreciate Jim."
"Well... no," Brown said.
Brown went the pristine white PDA from his back pocket, and worked his way through the various screens.
"Standard contracts," Brown said, "are about lost loves and the path not taken."
"But I don't want this," Blair said. "I don't want any of this. Just put things back the way they were. That's what I want."
Brown held up a finger. "Hold that thought. If you're not happy, it makes me look bad. Just a second." Brown tapped a few things into the PDA, got a couple of error beeps, then flashed a smile. "Yeah, looking good. OK. Friendly Jim? Got it. Sign here."
Blair signed, and felt himself falling. A familiar plushy softness greeted the back of his head.
=============================
"Blair," Megan said. "Get a move on. Jim called, he's on his way over to pick you up."
Blair opened his eyes, and gazed upon his latest marriage partner. "Megan?"
"Something wrong," she asked.
Blair suppressed a laugh. "No, just everything."
Megan gathered the last of her personal items from the dresser top. "No time to chat." She walked towards the bedroom doorway, but came back and gave Blair a peck on the cheek. "Happy Christmas, love."
"What about the kids," Blair asked.
"I thought we decided to wait," she said. "Besides, we don't have time for _that_. Jim will be here in twenty. Best get a move on."
A shower, a shave, and a knock at the door later, Blair looked upon the face he most wanted to see.
Jim smiled. "B&E, on the east side. Ready?"
Blair looked Jim over from head to toe, something was different about Jim. He seemed happier for some reason. He was different than the Jim that Blair had expected, but maybe this would work out better.
Blair responded with an eager grin. "Yeah. Lead the way."
The two men walked down the stairs together, and got into Jim's truck. Jim unlocked the passenger side door, and held it open for Blair to get in. Jim walked around to the driver's side, watchful of the street traffic, and got in. He cranked up the old truck, and pulled out into traffic.
"So, Jim."
"Blair," Jim said, with a slight smile peeking through.
"Have you... got plans for Christmas? If you do, I'll-"
"Having dinner with you and Megan, the last time I checked."
Jim flashed a gentle smile, de-railing Blair's train of thought.
"Megan. Oh, right. Must have slipped my mind."
Blair couldn't stop himself from staring at Jim. This Jim was so much more easy going than Jim that he remembered. The guy didn't seem to have all that mental baggage and battles scars that his own Jim always carried around. In fact, this Jim acted like more of a cut up and a practical joker.
The small talk between the two men went from weather, to jokes, to things of a personal nature.
"You really worked at a mortuary," Blair asked.
"I thought I'd already told you about it," Jim said.
"Not that I remember," Blair said.
"Well, after the trouble at home, I was about to join the Army, but a friend got me on as pickup guy at a mortuary in Snow Falls, just outside of Cascade. Creepy when you're just beginning, but it's very quiet, peaceful work, and the clientele don't complain."
Blair mirrored Jim's smile.
"After that," Jim said. "I just had some kind of calling, so I became a cop. I thought I was going crazy, until you came along and helped me out with the Sentinel thing."
"Glad to help man."
The big unanswered question gnawed at the back of Blair's mind. Was this Jim, or wasn't he? Blair knew that he would have to broach the subject sometime.
"So, Jim, we're friends aren't we?"
"Yeah. Why?"
Blair felt the need to be tactful. "How do I put this-"
"You know me," Jim said. "It's Jimbo here. If you've got something to say, say it."
Jim emphasized the meaning behind his words by casting a friendly smile in Blair's direction.
Blair chose his words carefully. "Don't take this the wrong way, or anything-"
"Uh-oh," Jim said. "It's not about the cat is it? I told you I take full responsibility for that. It's my fault that practical joke spooked the cat, and she knocked off your DVD player. I shouldn't be telling you, but that's your Chistmas present. That and something else."
Blair pressed forward. "Jim, it's not about the cat. I need to talk to you about. Well..."
Jim sensed that Blair needed to say something really important to him. He pulled the truck into the next available parking spot on the street, put the truck in part, and left the engine running.
Jim put his arm on the back of the seat, and turned towards Blair. "The B&E ain't going anywhere. What's bothering you, Chief?"
"Jim..."
"Blair."
"You know you're not making this any easier," Blair said.
Jim conceded.
"I need to know. Are we friends," Blair asked.
"Always."
Blair closed his eyes. "More than that?"
Jim lowered his head. "Christmas party, last year."
Blair looked in Jim's direction, trying to gauge the man's reaction. "Are we?"
Jim was wearing a mischievous grin. "Seeing who can leave the biggest pillow bite marks?"
Jim rubbed the back of Blair's neck.
"Blair, it was just a one-time thing. We both had a little too much of Brown's 200 proof eggnog, and were feeling a little... well... festive. That's it isn't it? What you were hinting at?"
Blair was relieved. "Yes. You are Cleo. You are totally a mind reader."
"Don't worry," Jim said. "OK? We'll just stay clear of the eggnog this year. Don't worry about it, Chief. We just have to move beyond it. Get on with our lives."
"Maybe I don't want to," Blair said.
"You saying you can't live with what happened? Blair, it's not that big a deal. It happens between friends. Sometimes. Tell me your not thinking of doing something stupid like offing-"
"No. No. Do I have to spell it out?"
"Oh, that," Jim said. "Blair, I like you. I really do. But not in that way. Besides, you're a married man, Blair. I respect Megan as a fellow officer and a friend, and I don't want to see her get hurt."
Blair could not accept that Jim didn't share what he felt. He leaned closer and kissed Jim.
"Tell me that means nothing to you," Blair said. "Tell me and I'll never bring it up again."
Jim looked deep into Blair's eyes. "We've got a B&E to get to," he said.
He rubbed Blair's shoulder, put the truck back in gear, and pulled out into traffic.
==========================
Brown greeted Blair with open arms. Blair shook his head.
"Didn't pan out," Brown asked. "Damn your hard to shop for."
Brown scribbled some notes on the PDA. "I think I got it. Sign."
Blair signed, and felt himself falling. The back of his head hit something hard and cold.
===========================
Wherever Blair was, it was cramped and smelled of motor oil and car exhaust.
He banged against the roof of his dark coffin, and yelled as loud as he could. "Hello. Anyone there? It's getting hard to breathe in here."
Blair heard the sound of keys being inserted, and turned. The top of his coffin opened, and he realized he was in trunk of a car. Iris, the girl next-door whom he had found in a trunk, and who later held him at gun point, was standing over him. Her boyfriend walked around the side, carrying a shotgun. Blair started to move, but a shotgun barrel pressed to his cheek convinced him to stay still.
"We should waste him now," the boyfriend said.
Iris considered. "He could be a hostage... Nah, go ahead."
"Brown," Blair screamed.
A deafening shotgun blast filled Blair's ears. He couldn't feel his body anymore. He saw bits and pieces as this life passed by his eyes. He saw a smiling Iris, patches of blue sky, and Jim moving in slow motion, reaching out for him. He heard Jim's voice. He saw Rafe shaking his head. He felt Jim's hands cradle his head, the fingers stroking his hair.
Blair took a deep breath and tried to talk. "It doesn't look good. Does it Jim?"
Jim tried to comfort him. "Shhh. Don't talk. Save your strength. An ambulance is on it's way."
Blair shook his head as best he could. "Out of time."
Jim glared at the other officers gathering in a circle around him and Blair. "Don't you guys have reports to write or something."
The other officers left Jim and his fallen partner alone.
"Jim," Blair said. "My fault-"
"You couldn't have seen it coming, Chief."
Blair shook his head.
"Blair," Jim said. "There's something I need to say to you before it's too - while I still can."
Blair felt pain surge through his body. He gripped Jim's arm. He couldn't get the words out. "Mus-"
"Sandburg," Jim said. "Blair. Stay with me, Chief."
Jim looked deep into Blair's eyes. "I know we've been the best of friends. And I realize your married to Samantha. But since that time you saved my life from that truck... elevator... bullet... whatever it was."
He shrugged.
"I don't know. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part, or still being high on all that adrenaline, but I knew in that moment that your life meant more to me than my own."
"Jim..."
"I know you don't go that way. But, I just had to get this off my chest. Blair, I-"
Blair interrupted. "Jim... Shut the frag up."
Jim looked at him in wide-eyed amazement.
Blair struggled with the words. "Phone... Brown."
Jim reached into his coat pocket and pulled out his cellphone. He looked it over. "Seems more of a gun-metal black, but brown. Brown is good."
Blair clarified. "Detective Brown."
"Oh, right," Jim said as dialed. "Sorry about that. Got a little wrapped up in my own- Brown someone here wants to talk to you."
Jim held the phone up to Blair's ear.
"Brown," Blair said.
"Hairboy," Brown asked. "Damn, you sound like death warmed over."
Blair continued. "Brown... Your at top of... shit list. Muck up..."
Blair went limp.
Jim listened, and heard Blair's heart still beating, but weakly. Jim filled Brown in on what had transpired with Blair, after the Iris and her boyfriend had been caught.
"Ellison," Brown said. "Let me talk to Sandburg again."
"He's pretty out of it," Jim said.
"Just hold the phone up to him," Brown said.
Jim shrugged and held the cellphone to Blair's ear.
"Sandburg," Brown said. "I got a Redo order done, but I need you to sign it."
All he heard was Sandburg coughing up something.
"But I guess a verbal agreement is OK."
He heard nothing. He realized his own career as an angel was about to be flushed down the toilet.
Blair made a gurgling sound.
"That'll do," Brown said, seizing this last opportunity to save his own career.
Blair stopped breathing.
Jim shook him, and tried giving him mouth-to-mouth.
Blair felt himself falling again. But this time there was no soft plushy pillow under his head.
=============================
Blair opened his eyes. Everything was white. A white, billowing fog surrounded his feet. It occured to him that Heaven really did live up to the cliche - it looked like a very low-budget sound stage, with cheap theatrical smoke effects.
Brown walked out of the white fog and frowned. "Sorry."
"Whose next," Blair said. "Whose bed do I pop into now, that I don't love?"
"Sometimes it takes a few adjustments to get things running just right," Brown said. "You've had a lot of revolving door traffic in the Love Life department."
"How much more of this living nightmare do I have to endure? Haven't you figured it out yet? Jim's gay. I like Jim. Got it?"
Brown gritted his teeth. "Problem," he said, pointing upward. "TPTB don't approve of that kind of thing. It's so..."
"Forward thinking," Blair said.
"Hey, I don't make the rules."
Brown tapped on the PDA with the stylus. "OK. Gay Jim. Got it. I'll see what I can do. Sign"
Blair signed and felt himself falling. His head landed on a pillow.
===========================
Blair opened his eyes and sat up in bed. This was definitely the loft, and no woman was in his bed. He glanced at his ring finger - no ring.
"Yes!"
He heard someone in the bathroom downstairs. He slipped on a pair of tight whites and ran down the stairs, and to the bathroom door.
"Jim? That you?"
No response.
"Man, you are not going to believe the weird dream I just had."
The bathroom door opened, and the occupant looked at Blair.
"Capt. Finkleman," he said.
Blair crossed his arms. It dawned on him that he was facing a CO wearing only his undies. He put a hand over his undies, and an arm over his chest. He still felt exposed, and tried several different concealing postures, but finally decided on just standing there with his arms crossed.
Finkleman didn't bother looking at any of the masculine curves and bulges on display. She walked on in to the living room as though this were something that happened every day.
Blair vaulted up the stairs to the bedroom, slipped on some jeans and a t-shirt, and made his way back down to the living room.
The Captain didn't say anything, so Blair decided to break the ice.
"So, Captain," he said, "will you be joining us for Christmas?"
With Brown's track record so far, he wondered if there was even a Jim to share this Christmas with.
"We do every year at the Vice unit party," she said in a matter of fact way.
"Oh, right," he said.
"Mind if I get some coffee," she said, pointing to the kitchen area.
"Help yourself," he said.
As he watched her walk into the kitchen and get herself a cup of coffee, Blair wondered what had become of Simon.
"What about Captain Banks," he said.
She shot Blair an odd look. "Probably at the Christmas party he always throws for his Major Crimes unit."
Blair was puzzled. So where did that leave him and Jim? Maybe Capt. Finkelman had her own command, and they were a part of it.
Blair heard keys unlocking the front door deadbolt and lock. After so many mix-ups by Brown, Blair was overly eager to meet his man. He bounded over wearing an ear to ear grin. "Jim!"
Blair looked him over. This was not slacks and button-down Jim. The man was all decked out in leather pants, and a fishnet shirt that made him look like the catch of the day at Muscle Beach. He also sported something new - a goatee.
"Working Vice," Blair asked.
Jim shook his head. "Christmas party at the Grotto."
He showed a devilish grin, and licked the corner of his mouth. "All you can eat."
Blair stood there, staring at Jim and unable to say anything.
Jim tossed his leather sailor's cap backwards. It landed, as always, on the tip of the Creek fishing spear hanging on the wall.
He pressed his firm torso against Blair. His body heat easily penetrated Blair's thin t-shirt.
"How's my stud cub," he asked. "Daddy's missed you."
Jim consumed Blair in a bearhug. His left hand moved down Blair's back, and put a deathgrip on one of Blair's cheeks. His right grabbed the back of Blair's head, and pressed Blair solidly into Jim's lips.
Blair was overwhelmed by the probing hands and groping tongue. He melted momentarily in the heat of Jim's passionate onslaught, but pushed away as hard as he could. He pulled free, and wiped his aching mouth, trying to get the taste of Jim off his tonsils.
Blair backed away, tripping over an end table.
"Aren't you tired after all that partying," Blair said, hoping for a yes.
A grin appeared on Jim's granite expression. "Daddy Jim still has plenty of loving left for his furry little Blair bear."
Blair retreated, but to no avail. He was back in Jim's herculean embrace, having his tonsils suctioned.
Finkelman sat her half-empty coffee cup on the countertop.
Jim senses kicked in, overriding his libido for the moment. He jerked his head around to see who was there.
He nodded to her. "Captain." And resumed his assault on Blair's tonsils.
"Don't mind me, boys," she said, as she walked past the living statue of Adonis and Narcissis. "See you two at the office party."
She couldn't remember the last time a man had been that passionate about her. She took a final look at the two and closed the door.
Blair struggled to speak. "Jmm."
He finally pulled loose. "Jim. easy. Down boy, down. Why don't you go take a shower, we've got a party to be at."
Jim nodded, and gave Blair a loud slap on the ass. He strolled off to the bathroom, peeling off each piece of clothing as Blair watched.
Blair could feel his heart pounding in his chest, as Jim shed the last piece of clothing, and put on a show for Blair by rhythmically flexing his buttocks. Blair was the bird hypnotised by the snake. He couldn't avert his eyes even if he wanted to. Blair lost all sense of time.
The conquest complete, Jim smiled, and walked into the bathroom.
Blair stared at empty air. Should he or shouldn't he? This Jim was almost too hot to handle. Almost. He wondered if he could survive a ride with that Jim. The man was pure libido.
And that was the problem. After years of pseudo-sowing his oats, Blair had gotten to the point in his life when just wanted to settle down. This Jim was very tempting to stay with, but the man could not keep it in his pants. This Jim was a party animal - no mistaking that.
Blair grabbed his cellphone and went outside the building, where Jim wouldn't be able to hear him over the traffic. Although from what he had seen, this Jim would likely hear Little Jim's urgings much more clearly than anything Blair would be saying - even if he were in the same room as Jim. In this sentinel, primal senses were taking a backseat to primal urges.
Blair dialed.
"Brown," he said. "We need to talk."
==========================
"You're getting me in some deep shit here," Brown said.
Blair gestured at the low-budget heavenly set. "You can use the 'S' word here?"
"TPTB do. Constantly."
Brown point upward. Blair looked up.
For the first time, Blair saw something beyond the fluffy clouds. It reminded him of looking up from underneath a smoky glass table in a board room. He saw greyish, shifting silhouettes which vaguely reminded him of people.
"Is that," Blair asked.
Brown nodded.
"They're the ones," Blair said ,"that have been putting me through all this - this hell."
"It's all for a higher cause."
"Oh. Right. Ratings," Blair said, realizing the true meaning of life.
Brown gestured at Blair and smiled. "Three out of three."
Blair turned his attention to the preious so-called life Brown had shown him. "So what was with that leather Jim?"
"You wanted gay," Brown said, "and we humored you. You maybe prefer a flaming Jim?"
Blair threw out his hands. "No. I just want my plain old, cranky, stick-in-the-mud Jim back."
Brown shook his head.
"Demographics are a little dodgy, " he said. "Normal-looking gays scare viewers."
"I can't believe this, Blair said. "If you're so concerned about whose watching, why didn't you have gay Jim sleeping with the entire Cascade Jaguars team?"
Thunderous voices conferred overhead.
"Now why did you have have to go and say that," Brown said. "They'll actually consider it."
"Booyah," Blair said. "Anything to get those athlete endorsements and high ratings, huh?"
"You're not making my job any easier, Hairboy. I'll probably get demoted for mucking up your contract."
"Hey, I didn't ask for any of it," Blair said.
"Think of it like the lottery," Brown said, "and you lucked out.
"I thought you had to be a miserable workaholic or something, before they hung that curse on you."
"Your a sidekick," Brown said, "same thing. Any flak comes the hero's way, you know who gets it. The sidekick."
"Preaching to the choir here," Blair said. "So what do I have to do to get out of this, and back into my old life."
"That would be bad for me," Brown said.
"OK, give me a minute," Blair said.
"The point of all this," he said, "is to learn a valuable lesson about life and family, and making the best choice doesn't usually involve money or success. Right?"
"Four for four," Brown said.
"Well, I know where I want to be. Where I have to be. Jim is more important to me than my former career, money, even myself."
"OK. OK," Brown said. "Don't start getting mushy on me, Sandburg. I'll see what I can do about getting them off your back."
Brown scribbled a few notes on his PDA, and stuffed it into his back pocket.
"Don't I need to sign something," Blair said.
Brown shook his head. "Taken care of," he said.
Blair felt himself falling.
========================
Blair felt the softness of a pillow under his head. But something was poking him in the chest. He wondered which of the BotWs he would be saddled with this time.
He opened his eyes, and saw a book in bed with him. Brown had got that part right, Blair's true love was knowledge. He just hoped he wasn't a lonely, single geekboy bookworm in this life.
Blair sat up. This was the loft. He called out. "Jim?"
Nothing.
He called louder.
Nothing.
Blair plopped his head back down on the pillow.
"Brown, I'm going to-"
Footsteps gracefully glided up the stairs. Jim, wearing only a white terry towel, walked to the dresser. He glanced at Blair.
"You up," he asked.
Blair breathed a sigh of relief. "Seems like all night."
Jim pointed at the book next to Blair's bare chest, "Mythical and Sociological Underpinnings of 'It's A Wonderful Life'".
"Didn't I say not to read that before going to bed," he said. "Now look at you. Christmas isn't something you can analyse and dissect and stick in a book. It's a- a feeling. Plain and simple as that."
Blair mussed up his own mane. "Question. Am I married to anyone we know at the station?"
Jim pointed to his ring finger and grinned. "No ring here yet, but you're working on it."
Blair closed the book and dropped it onto the floor. He stretched, and yawned.
"You staying up," Jim asked, as he searched through his collection of identical socks trying to find the perfect pair. "Because there are presents down there waiting that won't open themselves."
Blair turned over on his belly, and gazed out the windows on the floor below. Large snowflakes drifted and danced on their way to join the white patchwork quilt on the ground.
"Let's sleep late," he said.
"I just took a shower," Jim said.
Blair rolled over onto his back and pulled the bed covers up to his chest.
"Then when we work up a good sweat," he said, "we can take one together."
Jim brandished a pair of grey-heeled socks in Blair's direction.
"Just because I'm an attractive, mature man, who was in the Army, and spent hundreds - and I mean hundreds of hours - in the showers with thousands of naked, muscled, sweaty men does not mean you can seduce me that easily with the offer of a shower, mister. I have other things to do today."
Blair snorted and let out a loud laugh. "Attractive? You are so full of it."
Jim frowned.
Blair turned serious. "Called in to the station," he asked.
Jim shook his head. "Nah."
"So you're saying You don't want to snuggle with me?"
Jim considered for a moment, and tossed the socks somewhere over his shoulder. "I'll meet that snuggle, and raise you a sloppy kiss."
Blair grinned.
Jim got into bed, and pressed his body close to Blair's. He stroked Blair's chest, and leaned in to kiss him.
The phone rang.
Jim pulled himself on top of Blair, and propped himself up with his elbow. He looked at the Caller ID in the cellphone display.
"That's Brown's number," he said. "I wonder why he would be calling?"
Blair rubbed Jim's back. "Christmas," Blair said. "He just wanted to wish us a Merry Christmas. I talked to him earlier."
Jim nodded and put the cellphone back on the nightstand. He raised himself up and off of Blair. A commanding voice stopped him from completing the movement.
"Freeze, mister," Blair said. "Face down. Now."
Jim grinned and lowered himself into Blair's embrace. Their bodies melted together, like the snowflakes falling outside.
END